Scary Day Yesterday

Yesterday was the scariest day of this pregnancy. Started out normally (sick as usual). Before lunch, I went to the bathroom and just like I do every time I wipe, I looked at the TP. This time, unlike every other time, there was red blood. I didn't even know what to think. I was terrified, but told myself I had to hold it together and see what happened. So I gave myself an hour--ate lunch, drank some water, surfed the web, and promptly at the hour mark went back to the bathroom. I saw lots more red blood, went back to my office, and called the midwife. I don't know if it's a good thing that the nurse who answered remembered me from my last miscarriage, but she did, and she was able to schedule me for an appointment an hour later with one of the midwives. She also was able to send an asap ultrasound referral to the hospital, with the hope I'd get the call to schedule it while on the way to their office for my appointment.

Then I called Mr. Magnolia Bud, and just started sobbing on the phone. I think he only heard "blood" "appointment" "coming to get you." Looking back, I'm sure he was terrified getting that call from me. But he was great about everything. After I picked him up, we went to the birth center. On the way, we got a call from ultrasound scheduling, and we scheduled one for 8am today.

At the birth center, I had a couple vials of blood drawn, gave a urine sample, and then got called back to meet with the midwife. We talked for a little while about my history, and then she pulled out the doppler. We were a little surprised, since we're still considered borderline early for doppler, but went with it...and she surprised us again when she immediately was able to find a strong heartbeat at 160. We listened for a little while, and Mr. Magnolia Bud started to tear up. I was still in shock that there was an audible heartbeat! She did a quick pelvic, during which she didn't see the cause of the bleeding, and then we talked for a while longer. We talked about some homeopathic remedies for nausea and insomnia, including nux vomica (nausea), calms forte, coffea cruda, calcarea, passiflora, pulsatilla, and aconite (all for sleep). She gave me a sample of nux vomica and calms forte--I tried the nux yesterday, and it kept me nausea-free for a couple of hours, it was great!

Anyway, back to yesterday's tale. After she finished checking me out, she said she didn't see any reason to worry. She said it was up to us whether to keep the ultrasound appointment, and she told me that oftentimes, stress can cause obscure reactions in women--including bleeding. I told her what had been going on with my job (promotion, awkward work situation with the former director now working for me, etc), and she said to minimize my stress and delegate wherever I could.

We ended up keeping the ultrasound appointment for another fistful of reassurance. Bright and early this morning, we headed in to the hospital for our appointment. The tech was one of the ones I had had during my miscarriage, though she didn't remember us. She too was able to find a strong heartbeat right away at 174, and the baby was measuring 10w1d. The doctor said at this point, they'll keep my EDD the same, and my risk of miscarriage has dropped to minuscule percentages since we've seen the heartbeat twice and are able to hear it on the doppler. He didn't see anything that could explain the bleeding, so to be safe, put me on pelvic rest and gym restriction for a week after the bleeding stops. Since it's tapered off to brownish-red spotting, I'm hoping the restriction will be lifted at my appointment next Friday. So today, I remain at 9w3d, with an EDD of September 19.

I also got the bloodwork back--all normal, except I'm Vitamin D deficient. So as soon as I get home from my work trip tomorrow night, I'll be kicking back and relaxing at home for the weekend...with my new friends, Vitamin D supplements.

As a prize for reading the saga, here's a pretty picture of our little baby from today! (Head to the right, arm sticking up, legs toward the left):

Week 11 and 12 Update: The end is in sight! Of 1st Tri, that is

Oh dear. My internet was down all last week and part of the week before, which means I came back to miles of Bloomin' Babies updates and one, two, three new Buds! Welcome, ladies!

Life has been interesting in the Cherry Bud household. As I said before, I lost my job recently, but was able to find another, which I will be starting as soon as my fingerprint reports get back. Until then, unemployment benefits are helping to pick up the proverbial tab.

In baby news:

- Morning sickness is slowly going away, though I've been having inexplicable cravings for bologna sandwiches, which I had to get past the lunch meat detecting skills of Mr. CB, aka the "Things You Can't Eat While Pregnant" Nazi. I asked my doctor about lunch meat this week and was happy to have him tell Mr. CB and me that, as long as it's packaged, I can chow down.

- The crazy pregnancy dreams have begun in earnest. Poor Mr. CB is getting woken up pretty much every night with me saying things like "I don't want to marry anyone else" and "No one is coming to get us?"

- I have had my first and second belly rub, both from the same woman, who is really quite sweet on a normal basis. It's much more obnoxious and off-putting than I would have guessed, especially when I know that Puggle (Oh! We've named the baby Puggle temporarily.) is sitting a good bit lower down than my stomach, and what bump I have is mostly from the obscene amount of food I've been eating. Also, it's just weird to have people touch your stomach.

- We had our second appointment yesterday. The long and short of that is that, despite some minor cramping this weekend, my body is handling the pregnancy beautifully (YAY), and we have a baby who would rather you didn't poke shim (Yes, shim. It's Futurama reference. Don't worry about it) with a doppler, thank you very much. I should note, there is nothing, I repeat, nothing scarier than a nurse pressing a doppler to your womb while a look of consternation plays over her face and neither of you hears anything but static. S/he was moving around a LOT, but in the end, we cornered Puggle at the bottom of my uterus and got to hear a heartbeat at a healthy, if quite fast, 163 bpm.

- We are trying to decide on a natural childbirth method. We've heard good things about Bradley and Hypnobabies, so I suppose we'll have to see.

- I could not be happier that, as of next Monday, we are officially out of 1st Tri. I tested so early, so this trimester has seemed to just creep by, and I will be excited to find out if the rumors of no sickness and more energy are true or just an elaborate hoax to lull me into a sense of false security.

Until next time,

10 weeks

I have made it into double digit weeks! I haven't had much to report since being released from the RE at 8 weeks. I have had no morning sickness but have felt queasy from strong smells. I added some B6 into my daily vitamins and I think that has been helping.

Tomorrow is my first OB appointment. I'm not sure what to expect but Mr. Sassy Bud is coming just in case we get another ultrasound or get to hear the heartbeat with the doppler.

Although I am not ready to make any baby purchases yet (maybe after the NT scan), I have made some pregnancy purchases:

Preggle

Photo Credit

This is amazing! I was sleeping pretty well still before I got this, but it makes a big difference in comfort. I wanted a pregnancy pillow that still allowed me to use my regular neck pillow and this one definitely works for that.

Angel Sounds Doppler

Photo Credit

I didn't want to spend a lot of money on a doppler, and this one got great reviews for the price. It's still too early to use it so I haven't even tried it yet. I am not the type of person that will get upset if I can't find the heartbeat myself so this is a safe purchase for me.

I also stopped at Borders for some books: The Baby Name Wizard, Consumer Reports, and Baby Bargains. I was having a hard time figuring out where to start when comparing baby products so I think those 2 will be a good start. We definitely haven't picked out any names for sure yet, so the baby name book is a must.

I will update after my appointment tomorrow. Hopefully all is well with baby SB!

32 week update and baby shower pictures!

I'm sitting here trying to think of something eloquent to type - but I'm too tired and too sick to be creative this morning. Sorry readers! I have a killer sinus thing going on, and add that to Smudge waking me up at 3:30am, my creativity is quashed today.

So - i'll just stick to the facts, ma'am.

And the fact is, I'm 32 weeks pregnant? Um, what? When did that happen? That's just crazy. We had a very uneventful visit this morning with Dr Loh. I'm up a total of 16 pounds for 32 weeks, so that's not too terrible. I'm not happy that the last 2 of them are in the last 2 weeks... but i'm just going to keep eating healthy, like i have been and not sweat it. I'm too freakin' tired to really exercise, so cest la vie. Smudge is finally headed, well, head down! I'm not getting too excited about it though. It wouldn't be the first time Smudge has decided to hang out on a diagonal. So, only time will tell.

It was funny when she was trying to find the heartbeat again - she said "he really wants me to chase him, doesn't he?" I just laughed. S/he kept moving and she would ask me if I felt the movements. You better believe it, sister. This kid HATES the doppler. It cracks me up. Smudge just kept rolling over every time she would focus in on the heart beat. Silly baby.

serious amounts of loot

This past sunday, my mom and sister threw a baby shower for us! We got a ton of loot. We only had 3 major things left to get afterwards: our carseat, the pack and play and the video monitor. Well, the next day I found a 20% off coupon for ALL monitors at BRU, so we went through the stuff that we wanted to return from the shower, and found about $100 worth of things we hadn't registered for. Between that and the coupon, the Slim and Secure Video Monitor only cost us $60. That's not too bad. We also got enough in gift cards that with using a coupon, we'll be able to get the Chicco KeyFit 30 car seat. So, really the only thing left is the Chicco Lullaby LX Discovery Pack and Play... and we're hoping we'll find it cheaper somewhere online.

My (I mean Smudge's) PBK Lambie - plays a heartbeat, nature, rain and whale ssounds. And it's SO soft. And, check out the belly - there's no doubt where the 2 pounds came from now, is there?

Gratuitous picture of me with Smudge's Papagayo Monkey. {{{LOVE}}}

Our awesome Papagayo bedding set (click on the link to see a better picture)

The baby's room is coming along really nicely. Mr DB finished laying the laminate floor, the walls are painted and the wainscoting and chair rail are up. We have to paint the molding and get that on, and then paint the wainscoting and chair rail, and then we'll be pretty much ready for furniture. Awesome. Here's a sneak peek at how hard my wonderful husband has been working:

That's it for now. Hope you're all doing well. Smudge and I are going to sit here, drink our tea and try to get some rest.

It doesn't get much better than this!

Those of you who know me well, might be having the same thought as I am right now.

How on earth is it possible that I am 30 weeks pregnant?!


Well - i may not know how it's possible - but I know that I am. 30 weeks and 1 day pregnant. And yesterday I had the greatest OB appointment of my pregnancy so far. It was the first time I think I left without any doubts or concerns. And I left with a smile on my face.

So - this is how it went....

First - the typical, pee in a cup, blood pressure check and get on the dreaded scale. Except, as much as I dread getting on the scale, there was no reason to be worried. I had only gained 1 pound since my last appointment, making my pregnancy gain for the past 30 weeks only 14 pounds. I'm so proud of myself. Mr DB is proud of me. Dr Loh is proud of me. I'm well on track to gain no more than the 25 pounds I've resigned myself to, even though I originally wanted to stay under 20. It's really hard to be a fat chick with a huge appetite and control your pregnancy weight. But we're doing all of the right things with my diet - and I guess it's helping.

Then I asked a few questions about weird movement that I've been having. One of them feels like a vibration - and I asked her about it. Apparently babies can have the startle reflex in utero. Who knew? Then I mentioned the weird cervix feelings, where it feels like the baby is trying to dig it's way out.

So, she measured my uterus - all is well, and pulls out the doppler. Not long after she pulls out the doppler, she's pulling over the ultrasound machine. Now, she tells me that she just wants to check position, with what I was telling her. But silly nurse that I am knows that she really did it because she couldn't find the heartbeat. She kept getting mine. And i know the difference. I wasn't worried. Smudge had been moving around all day - and I knew the heart was right by my aorta. But it was awesome to get a surprise peek at Smudge, who is too big to even fit on the whole screen anymore! Smudge is transverse, again, surprise. Head on the right, butt on the left and fist in the mouth. And don't forget all the arms and legs hanging down dangling right on my cervix - explaining what i'm feeling.

Then we talked about some other symptoms I've been having - dizziness, cramps, contractions... we talked about my extreme water intake and she wants me to add more electrolytes and even gave me permission to eat a little bit of extra salt. So, i just downed a bottle of Gatorade Natural (thank you Whole Foods). I also got permission to change my PNV to a natural vitamin recommended by a friend, since my prescription PNV is no longer being made.

Oh - and at the end of my appointment, we discussed my ongoing back/hip and leg issues.... and she decided to pull me from work effective as soon as I want to be out. So, even though I'd rather never ever ever go back (ever)... i decided to do the responsible thing and stop working October 8th - exactly 2 months before my due date.

photo credit

I'm SO out of there.

So meanwhile - Smudge is growing strong - and kicking the crap out of me. Tuesday night, we actually were able to watch my belly move for about 15 minutes. We had never seen such exaggerated movement before. It was so much fun to watch. I've been having a lot of contractions, but I still haven't hit her magic number to require monitoring (4-6 in an hour) - so despite contracting all day long, it's never been more than 3 in 60 minutes. Hopefully the electrolytes help.

Work in progress

We've also been working on the nursery almost non-stop. The floor is in, the walls are painted. This week, we're going to put up and paint the wainscoting. It's going to be white. Now I just have to arrange for furniture delivery, which I'm planning for 36 weeks.

So, that's our update for now... 4 shifts left at work. 10 weeks (or so) left of pregnancy. Starting my biweekly OB visits now and hoping to complete my clinical hours for school before the beginning of November. Our childbirth classes with our doula start on saturday, also!! We're really excited.

Smudge is almost here!

Riverdance!

It's about freakin' time.

Last night, after a terrible day at work, I was treated to about 15 minutes of baby movement. We pulled out the doppler, and sure enough, every movement we heard, I felt. Smudge really seems to be the midnight party animal.

Photo Credit

Then again this morning, when I woke up, i got 2 little thumps to let me know s/he wasn't danced out yet.

I can't wait until our anatomy on Thursday... hopefully we'll see an example of what was going on last night.

I'm so happy that I could finally feel Smudge. Even though Mr. DB knew he couldn't feel yet, he was really excited and put his head on my belly and kissed it.

Almost at the half way point - and we can't wait to meet Smudge.

18 weeks pregnant?

Apparently, sometime while I was asleep, Smudge grew to about 7 inches long, and 7 ounces. A little foot is now an inch long and s/he can recognize my voice when I talk.

When the heck did that happen?

So, since this apparently happened overnight, here are some of the things I HAVEN'T blogged about this month.

First, these are pictures from my 14w5d ultrasound that I bullied my OB into doing before i went back to work after the sub chorionic hematoma:










The one on the left, Smudge is waving and the one on the right is my scary alien baby... but it's really cool (i think) because you can see the structures in the skull, the developing brain, the rib cage, the heart, the upper arms and the beginning of the pelvic bone. Smudge spent the overwhelming majority of the ultrasound snuggled on my placenta like it is a body pillow. It was really cute.

Most importantly, you can't see the SCH... it was gone and I went back to work. I still hate my job. SO hate my job. There are more issues every day. And as much as I love my OB, she's just never going to get it. I hope I'm able to convince her later on that she's going to need to pull me early. I just can't do it much longer. By 34 weeks, I want to be out. I really don't want to get into all of the issues here, but the bottom line is I have an assistant manager who would be more than happy to get rid of me. People tell me she keeps coming after me because she knows she can make me cry. Which is nice for her, but sucks for me, because being a hormonal mess at work REALLY isn't my thing. I'm still looking for another job. I probably send out 5-10 resumes every week. I thought I had something lined up for a little while, but it didn't work out.

The only pregnancy issues I've been having lately have been blood pressure related. And my blood pressure is ONLY elevated at work.

For now, I'm hoping the rumors of voluntary lay offs are true, and I'll be able to leave work with a full unemployment package. That would make things much better for us right now. My stress level would drop considerably and we would just figure out the money. Maybe not the most financially responsible thing I can do - but the best thing, health wise, i can do for my child and for me.

Nothing is more important than this baby.

I've been having wicked round ligament pain - to the point of being doubled over and wanting to vomit. This is normal. Who knew that pregnancy hurt? We all knew labor hurts, but pregnancy? Just gives me an excuse to rub my belly, though. Oh, and i'm still on pelvic rest because of the SCH, bleeding and the lost twin, so we're still on standby in the bedroom. Dr Loh wants to wait until after the anatomy scan to check the placenta again before she clears us. Last weird pregnancy thing for today... I'm already leaking. At 18 weeks, I can express fluid from my breasts. It's so weird. But it's clear, and it's normal, and I guess it means i'm getting ready. Almost 1/2 way there. I can't believe in 5 months, I'm going to be a momma.

Other pregnancy related news is that I made the decision that barring medical complications, I'm going to have a natural delivery. It's been discussed with my OB and she's completely on board. I've even hired a doula to help me through it (click on the link for my doula's website). It's really important to me that after EVERYTHING my body has screwed up in the last two years, I can prove to myself that it can do this ONE thing that nature intended it to do. And staying Team Green is part of it... our "green-ness" is going to be the light at the end of an unmedicated tunnel for me.

Meanwhile, we've been TRYING not to baby shop... I had a HUGE moment the other day though, while I was browsing in Gymboree while Mr. DB was drooling over the iPhone 4 in the apple store. Unfortunately for my wallet, they had the cutest collection of gender neutral monkey clothes. Mr. DB has a HUGE monkey thing, and I'll be honest. I do too. Here are some of the first things I've bought for Smudge (fair warning - cutest clothes ever below):























Other things we've purchased are just little things... whatever discount cloth diapering supplies we can get our hands on, some clearance things on discount websites, like an organic moby wrap for about $11 and a boppy with organic cover for $29.99.

But here's the big one... we haven't purchased it yet, but I'm pretty sure we've decided. We picked out our furniture. We still need a glider arm chair with an ottoman for the nursery, but the crib and all we finally picked. We LOVE the Essex collection from Munire in Chestnut.

photo credit

In other baby news, I had my 18 week appointment yesterday. My uterus is perfect. Heartbeat is perfect and Smudge was really active during the doppler. My OB kept asking if I could feel the movements, but I can't quite yet. Hopefully soon. The best news? My blood pressure (94/58) and my weight (only gained 7 pounds so far!). I'm going to have to start wearing compression hose at work (stupid spider veins and swelling), but if that's what it takes to avoid the varicose veins my dad has, I'll do it.

And I'll leave you with this. I can't believe my fat ass is posting it here, but here goes nothing. This is an 18 week bump picture. You'll have to trust me that it isn't all regular fat. It truly is a baby bump. I'm hoping it becomes more obvious. We're going to start taking weekly pictures from here out. But I'm definitely starting to look pregnant and not just fat.


DH and I also had a conversation about #2 last night. Sounds kind of silly, since #1 isn't even here yet. But since our post baby plan for birth control is our mutual infertility, we're sort of hoping for a miracle baby within the first year. If miracle baby doesn't show up within the first year, we plan on going back to Dr Z as soon as Smudge is weaned to cycle for #2. It always makes me feel good to have a plan.

Anatomy scan is two weeks from today. Can't wait to see Smudge again. Until then....

The Sweetest Sound in the World

I really considered getting a doppler once I graduated from Dr Z, to sustain me during the long waits between OB appointments. (How anyone expects an infertility patient to be able to act like a "normal" pregnant woman is beyond me.) I did my research, found the best ones that could hear an early heartbeat that wouldn't completely break the bank, and started stalking ebay and craigslist (nationwide) so I didn't have to pay full price.

Then I started bleeding. Stupid subchorionic hematoma.

What a nightmare that was. Thankfully my doctor's office is wonderful (we love Dr Loh and nurse Maggie) and we were able to see that Smudge was okay right away... but now the anxiety level was even higher. How on earth was I supposed to handle the long wait between appointments now?! Bleeding, scared to death? That's conducive to relaxation. Sure.

So I made a plea to a group of women who know I how feel. Fellow infertiles, both pregnant and those who already have their take home baby/ies. And someone came through.

Thanks to the kindness of strangers, I now have a doppler I can call my own. I tried to pay for shipping, and I promised I would return it in 6 months, but she says no. She's 41 and she's done. It's mine.

And last night, for the first time, we heard Smudge's heartbeat. Not a ultrasound simulation in m-mode. Smudge's actual heartbeat.

Want to hear? It's music to my ears.

1st baby related ultrasound!

Yaaaay! Yesterday went awesome. I was so nervous walking into my RE's office, but Mr. Worry Bud assured me that everything would be alright...don't you love how men are always so confident? LOL. Anyways, the u/s yesterday went AMAZING!!! As soon as the tech stuck the probe (vag cam) in, we saw a big black sac and a little white mass looking thing towards the bottom of the sac (there is also the yolk sac right above the baby). That little white mass is our pride & joy - Baby Worry Bud!!


Yep, only one LO growing in there, but we are more than thrilled with that as long as our baby is happy & healthy. The u/s tech took some measurements, then zoomed in for "the fun stuff". And we saw our baby's sweet little heart flickering on the monitor (116 beats per min :o). It was one of the best moments of my life - and even Mr. WB almost cried. :) I finally felt like I could breathe at least a small sigh of relief. Afterwords, we sat down with my wonderful nurse & she gave us instructions for the next few weeks - I am to continue the Endometrin 2x a day until March 27th, then I can go down to once a day until April 4th; I also continue my Estradiol 2x a day until April 4th; stop the baby aspirin now. As soon as we left the office, Mr. WB called his mom on speaker & told her she was going to be a grandma - she cried. She always cries about EVERYTHING, so no surprise there but she was so happy.

Based on the talk with my nurse, I will get one more ultrasound at my RE's office when I'm just about 8 weeks & then will likely be released, so she advised that I call my OB/GYN to set up a prenatal appointment with them. I called yesterday afternoon & my first appointment is March 31st! It will be an "intake appointment" with a nurse & she will discuss the Dos & Don'ts, ask questions, etc. Then, the next appointment will be about two weeks later where they will listen for the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler. I plan on asking how many ultrasound's I get at my first appointment. I know for sure my OB/GYN doesn't do u/s in office, so I'd have to go somewhere else.

Today I am 6 weeks, 4 days pregnant & am due on November 6, 2010!! As always, I want to thank all of you for the continued thoughts & prayers - they have really helped us get thru this IVF cycle! I get to go back on March 26th for another look at Baby WB, woot!! Until then, I'll be counting down the days!

Hello 2nd tri :) So glad to meet you....

I can honestly say that I never thought I'd actually get to write those words or say that out loud. It's a pretty amazing feeling every time it feels like we're one step closer to bringing our baby home. Even more amazing is the sound of Baby LB's hb which somehow manages to make everything in the world better. We received our home doppler yesterday from BabyBeat.com and after some trouble we finally got to hear Baby LB's heartbeat @ home.

Mr. LB and I laughed at how much trouble we had yet the OB seemed to put no effort in to it when we had our 12 week appt. last week. He took out the doppler put it on my stomach and 1 second later there it was. The best sound in the world! The appointment went well. I had some b/w done that they had never done, an AB screen and went on my way. My next appointment is on 2.3 to get some followup b/w from my NT Scan at the perinatologist, 2.4 is my 16 week appt. with the OB and then the last appt. in Feb is the 17th when we got in for our anatomy scan and hopefully find out if we're on team firetrucks or Barbies!

I was telling Mr. LB in the car the that day that I'm still in a state of disbelief. There was a point in the whole process where I felt like I'd never become a mom. I know that seems dramatic and I know that there are women who struggle with IF of a much more severe degree than I did and that have been trying for so much longer.....but this was my experience. This is what I had to live. I always reminded myself that there were women who had it worse. Those women have always and will always be in my prayers, because for that short time I felt what they've been feeling for so long and that sadly some may continue to feel for a long time to come.

That feeling, I've noticed, it stays with you. Going through IF seriously becomes a part of you always. As I get further in to this pregnancy the poem I posted a while ago makes more and more sense. All of my thoughts and prayers this week go out to all the women who are struggling to become mothers and to those who were mommies for a short time and their angels were taken from them far too soon. It's those women who helped me get to where I am today and I will NEVER forget that.