Getting Back in The Swing of Things

Photo Credit
This week has been pretty slow. Now that I am in limbo I need to get back into the groove of eating a low to zero carb diet for my PCOS and knocking out the sugar again. I did a 30 day challenge in January where I didn't eat any grains, legumes, dairy or sugar and only ate lean meats, veggies and fruit. It was difficult at first but after losing 6 lbs in the month with little to no exercise it reiterated to me that my body needs to have no sugar and carbs to keep it slim and happy. I was excited to see that my Thyroid levels were right at 1. I just read an interesting blog post about a RE in Florida that has been putting his patients with PCOS and other Endocrine issues on a low carb diet and he has found that most no longer need to do IVF to get and stay pregnant.
Here is the link to the YouTube video of the interview with the Dr.

I would love to have my PCOS and Thyroid in check with as little medicine as possible as I hate taking pills every day of my life!! I wonder if that helps with sperm shape, since I cook in the house and grocery shop Mr. Explorer Bud will be eating healthier as well so we will see how those little spermies react. I think I will have him do another SA after 3 months and see how it compares the the first one from last year. Who knows maybe all our problems will be solved with our diet changes, a little sarcastic there but it couldn't hurt to eat healthy now could it?

Infertility Checklist

Crazy, sobbing caused by watching commercials: CHECK
Talking to your follicles to make them grow (hey, it works for plants): CHECK
Looking at IF sites during work: CHECK
Scheduling weekend plans around medication times: CHECK
Have IF related argument with husband: CHECK
Having make-up sex via a catheter and technician: CHECK
Being very excited about fertile CM: CHECK

Even though I have technically been dealing with infertility for a few months, it is really starting to hit me that this is not how normal people have children. How nice would it be to go out and drink a bit too much and BAM you're pregnant! Or how about have a few nights of romantically planned passion? I can't even imagine what it would be like to not constantly think about IF, follicle size, CM. What did I think about prior to TTTC?

Mr. Plannerbud and I are coming to the end of our IUI journey. We has first of back to back IUIs this morning for cycle three. My doctor finally appeased me and upped my clomid to 100 mg. It did help. I ended up with two giant follicles, 20.9 mm and 30 mm. Hopefully size does matter! The numbers for the IUI weren't quite as good. 16 million, 63% motility, progression of 3, 5.04 total mobile. Everything is average or above average except for the count. Since Mr. PB's SA numbers are usually higher, the technician thinks stress and pressure have a lot to do with it. Our RE on the other hand says he isn't concerned. One good thing is that I had a plethora of fertile CM. The technician had to clean my cervix off three or four times before she could see enough to put the catheter in. Hopefully this is a good sign. We have one more shot tomorrow.

Lots of Follicles

So I purchased a GPS map of Panama to download onto my friend's GPS that they lent me so we would hopefully avoid getting as lost as last time. Panama is seriously lacking with their road signage. Even in the city it is horrendeous!! Anyways so today on the way to the appointment I decided to go with Mrs. GPS and she proceeded to lead me across the canal towards the coast, granted I would love to go to the beach than go into the city but the city was where we were expected!! Mrs. GPS then proceeded to tell me to turn right as we are crossing the bride, on the highway to get me to turn around, which I would've done if there was a road to turn onto!! Anyways we got to our appointment 20 minutes late and of course it was a jam packed day for the office and we had to wait for about 45 min's before seeing the Dr.

Today I have 17 follicles, yes 17!! Last round of IVF I had 10 which I thought was pretty good. Of the 17, 12 are a good size that will probably be good quality eggs. That should leave us with a lot of options on what we can put back in!! So tonight I will take my trigger shot of Lupron at 11:00 pm and will do the aspiration on Saturday morning at 9:00 am. Of course Mr. Explorer Bud will be arriving at the airport at 10:24 as I am recovering from anethesia, so Eric,our medical tourism contact, will figure out getting him picked up and to the hospital to give his sperm to the Dr. It is funny that in Panama, or at least at this office they do not provide any lubrication, magazines or anything they just have to go to the bathroom to give the sample. Mr. Explorer Bud felt a bit awkward since he felt like everyone knew what he was doing in there and just waiting for him to come out!! I can only imagine what that would be like!! Good thing I get to be knocked out and resting!!

Oh and the drive went well today and we found a new way to come back to the apartment so we don't have to drive through craziness!!

Second Opinion

I had my first appointment with my new RE on Thursday. I think it would the understatement of the year to say that I felt overwhelmed. I spoke with both a younger doctor and the doctor I made the appointment with. They were very thorough and explained things to be very well. However, I still feel uncomfortable.



In all honesty, I don't think my apprehension has anything to do with doctors anymore - I think I'm just sick of dealing with this and sick of how it is consuming me. Oh, and I'm also sick of being a human pincushion. I believe I have been poked and prodded more this year than the Pillsbury Dough Boy himself.



However, unlike Poppin' Fresh, I don't enjoy it as much (and I don't giggle when it happens , its more along the lines of "I can't look at the blood you are about to draw because I will cover the walls of this place with vomit and then pass out.").



So without further adieu, here are the tests that will be run on Mr. SB and I - in list form because even though I'm not a Type A, I feel as though lists give me a handle on the chaos that is my infertility.



1. Seman Anaylsis
I questioned this one because hey, I'm able to get knocked up so why do we need this? They explained that sometimes an abnormal sperm will fertilize the egg and because of the abnormality, it will result in a miscarriage. They will take Mr. SB's sperm and do what they call a swim up (I laughed out loud at the name of this...Hi, I'm apparently 13). If some are abnormal, they will take the normal ones and do an IUI with me.

2. Glucose Intolerance Test
Because of my PCOS, they want to test my insulin levels beyond a simple blood test. Apparently my blood tests were on the higher side of normal (ummm did I mention that no one told me this?!), so they want to take it a step further. I'm excited because I get to drink that big sugar drink (I'm a sugar fanatic. Fun Dip is my BFF).

3. A round of antibiotics after my period
In case there in an infection, this will clear it up. Therefore, eliminating this possibility.

4. Estradiol, FSH and a Transvaginal Ultrasound on day 3 of my cycle.
Shockingly enough (please note sarcasm), my old OB did not test me for these on the correct day of my cycle, so they will need to be done again.

5. HSG
This was questioned as well because again, I'm able to get pregnant. The doctor told me that maybe only one tube would be open. I'm still wondering if I want to do this or not.

So this is where we go from here. During the appointment, it crossed my mind that hey, maybe this guy is preying on my infertility. So because I am never the one to sit out the sidelines (or shut my mouth), I called him out. Probably not the best thing to do since this will be the guy that will be poking me with needles, but I've never been the quiet, shrinking violet and I wasn't going to start now.

And what he said made sense. He said that I came to him to get answers, and he wants to test me for everything he thinks could possibly give me those answers. I accept this explanation.

So, if all comes back well, we start back on Clomid with Progesterone supplements and baby aspirin. This also satisfies me, as I have been pushing for the progesterone supplements with my old RE after M/C #3. Further down the line, if things still aren't working out, they will do IVF with hand-selecting the embryos.

I'm happy to have another plan of action, but still in the back of my mind I'm wondering if I am being taken advantage of. I'm opening the floor to your opinions. Let me know if you think this guy is being thorough, or just trying to get more money from my insurance company.

We're working on our morph

We finally got DH's SA results yesterday... almost 2 weeks after they told him "a day or two". The cover letter said the results were "normal", and in fact everything in the top portion was excellent. Sperm concentration, count, motility, rate of progression, viscosity - all well above the normal ranges. So that was cause for celebration.

BUT... The morphology section didn't paint as pretty of a picture. Only 3% of this sample had normal forms, with 87% head defects and 10% tail defects. The "normal range" on our report says >4% normal, "strict normal" is >14%, and the WHO says >30%. Women all over message boards report their docs giving them a less than 5% chance of conceiving naturally with our morph numbers. So I'm not sure why they told us all was good in the cover letter.

Photo credit

We immediately started Googling, and we have a game plan. We figure that since his total number of motile sperm and rate of progression are so high, there are actually more normal sperm with that 3% than there would be in a sample count closer to the threshold. Normal # motile is >15 mil, we have 256 mil. So we've got that going for us. DH is also going to make some behavioral changes to improve his morphology, like cutting back on alcohol and cutting out the occasional smoke altogether, eating right and exercising regularly. And, we've ordered a bottle of Pycogenol, a supplement many (online) say can improve sperm morphology in as little as 3 months. He'll start 200 mg/day once it arrives.

Even though I know that the threat of ART is still definitely in our picture, these results are actually a relief. At least we know what's up now. It'll no longer be a mystery and a cruel joke when AF comes about 28 days from now. I already expect it, and will for the next couple cycles. If we get to July, which will be our 1-year mark, then he'll have a repeat SA while I start my own testing. And if we have to advance to IVF or IUI, so be it. At least he has a lot of sperm, normal heads or not, and knowing that there are biological children in there somewhere is a major, major relief for me.

Purgatory

In the past week I have found that I really am dealing much better with things, and in the last couple of days, I have actually found myself thinking that our next IVF might actually work.

Then I catch myself. Because I thought that last time too.

It's so weird. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel - but even though I'm gearing up for IVF #2, I still find myself just in this purgatory between IVF failure and IVF possibility.

It's even harder now knowing that this is all my fault. I can't blame the sperm anymore. We bypass the sperm problem by doing the IVF with ICSI. If the IVF fails, i have no one to blame but my shitty eggs. That's a tough pill to swallow.

And to add insult to injury, i'm just going to bitch about the BCPs, AKA devil pills, for a minute. I've been on them for 5 weeks, and I have 2 1/2 more to go. Last week I started spotting, and this week, i'm full on bleeding. Bright red, clots, fun fun fun. It's not heavy - but I have to use a tampon. It was too heavy for a liner. My nurse says it's okay - just keep taking the active pills.

Great - i'm doing IVF, I have shitty eggs, I have to be on BCPs for almost 2 1/2 months and i get to bleed for 4 weeks.

Ain't life grand?

One step forward... 14 steps back.

We switched insurance companies this month and are now paying $400/month with a $6k deductible, just so we could have IVF coverage. Yesterday we were told that the precertification for the IVF got denied. I don't know what we're going to do. There's one last hope, if our doctor can present our results directly to the insurance company's doctor, but we won't know about that until late Monday at the earliest. We have to wait for their doctor to call our doctor. We have no way of knowing how long that will take.

chart reference

I feel completely numb. I don't know what we're going to do. They (the insurance company) want us to do 3 IUIs first. WE ONLY HAVE 6 million SPERM (1.8 million post wash) = we're not candidates for IUI!!! the contract language specifically says if he can't impregnate me, we can do IVF. I don't know how they can deny this.



I feel like I'm on the verge of losing my only chance to have a baby.

Mr. DB keeps reminding me that we picked this doctor because he's extremely smart, he's professional, he's an expert and he's very charismatic. We have to hope that he is able to convince them.

I'm not 24. I'm 34. I don't have endless time ahead of me.

I just can't believe this is happening.

We have 11 days to either get this decision reversed or come up with another 7K.

How can we turn back now?

How long does it take for sperm

to reach the egg? A few weeks ago I read this amazing article that was posted on my favorite board that it explains how it takes sperm about 3-4 days for implantation. Click HERE for a great visual Slide show that explains this procedure.

After reading this article I think that it really does not matter if you BD on your o date or worry that you missed your O date. As long as you BD a few days before so that your DH's little guys can live in there until your egg is released.

This week has been a pretty good week... For the first time ever I had a + OPK (From OPK from Amazon.com) and I think/hope we had good timing.

Here is my chart (it is also linked under my profile on the right hand side):



This month I started to have really sharp cramps on Sunday night until Monday, something that I've never had before. Not like period cramps, but a cramp that felt as if my lower stomach was being stretched. Odd.

Update... We have began on our Master bedroom makeover!!!! I'm so excited, I cant wait to revile it to you guys.

Here is a before pic (right when we were able to move into our home):



And here is one of my Inspiration picture:


Credit

Now comes the longest 2 weeks until I can POAS...

Not much to report

Sorry for the fact that it's been over a week since my last entry, but life has been rather hectic this last week and since I cancelled my HSG procedure, there is not a lot to report. Right now I am just waiting to O, so Mr. Hopeful Bud and I have been BDing everyday for the last week. I plan on keeping this up for the next couple of days so that we definitely hit my O day. This is going to provide us with the best timing we have ever had. So that makes me excited. Come on BFP!!

We got a referral from our family doctor for Mr. Hopeful Bud to have a sperm analysis. We thought we were going to have to go to a specialist and then to a lab in the city over an hour away, so the fact that our local doc said we could get this done at the hospital right down the street from us makes us very happy. Mr. Hopeful Bud doesn't have to collect his guys in a restroom any more, he can do it in the comfort of our home now. He will do this hopefully this next week after I have O'd. Until then, I need all of his guys for me.

On a negative note, I have given up hope on the CBEFM that my sister gave me. Today was CD 14 and I was still receiving a Low reading. I think the monitor is over five years old, so I'm thinking that something is wrong with it. I asked my sister about it yesterday and she said that she never got a High or Peak reading either. I really wish she would have told me this sooner because I was beginning to think something was wrong with my pee.

So now we wait to see if tomorrow my temp goes up as it has down the last three cycles. I'll keep you posted.

A wake up call

"Hi, Mrs. Dandelion Bud. It's Nicki from Dr. RE's office. I just wanted to tell you we got all of Mr. Dandelion Bud's blood work back. The genetics are all normal."

On one hand, that wake up call this morning was good news. No hidden genetic issue to worry about as Mr. DB gets older... no genetic issue to pass on to unsuspecting children...

No explanation for our Male Factor Infertility... that's the other hand.

There's nothing we can try to fix. There's no concrete explanation. We're left with conjecture. "Has there been any trauma to the testicles?" Not directly. Mr. DB had a bilateral hernia repair as a child. "Oh, the hernia repair". Only one side was affected, but the surgeon recommended repairing both sides "just in case".

Our RE says science is finding that these hernia repairs are commonly the cause of male infertility, lacking any other diagnosable explanation. One little slip of the scalpel... one surgeon with less than 100% focus... one surgeon not considering his 4 year old patients' future fertility.

And then there is none.

So, now what? Now it's IVF with ICSI.

What will happen is after I go back on months of birth control pills to rest my ovaries and sync to the RE's schedule, I'll get shots. Every day. Painful shots that will stimulate my ovaries to produce bagillions of eggs. Or 12. Whichever. Mr. DB will "provide a sample". They'll pick the best of his and the best of mine, and they'll inject the best sperm into my eggs.

And then we'll wait. And

Short of one careless doctor 30 years ago, we have no explanation for what we're going through. All I know is, while our diagnosis is "MALE" factor infertility, the physical pain is mine. The emotional pain - that belongs squarely to both of us.

FUIF. Really.