"Miscarriage is not tragedy. It’s not losing a child. It’s not life in a war zone. It’s not living in poverty. It’s not even the worst thing that has happened to me. But it’s loss. And it’s an icky, secret, festering loss. Hollow, haunting, and acrid.”
Pretty powerful words. Fairly accurate too. If I were in front of you all, I would ask for a show of hands that agree with this statement. Most of you would raise your hands. And some of you, like me, would hesitate. As I said, it’s fairly accurate but I don't agree 100%.
Miscarrying IS losing a child. You just haven’t met him yet. The two of you have only begun that special bond that is created between a mother and her child. From the time that egg is fertilized, your baby has an identity. The color of her eyes, her skin tone, hair texture, personality, smile and laugh are all determined. If you’re lucky, you get to see those things for yourself. If you’re not so lucky, like so many of us, you won’t be allowed this privilege until you pass from this life.
My TTC story? Long story short we had an “oops” in December. Everyone knew; our parents, the people we work with. No family history of miscarriage. At my 8 week confirmation ultrasound we found out that the baby stopped growing at 5 weeks 5 days. You all know how difficult it is to not only accept that news yourself, but to spread that message to those close to you. I decided to have the miscarriage naturally. It occurred about 3 weeks later. Icing on the cake of this scenario? Exactly 1 week after I miscarried, I find out that my BF is pregnant. Oh yeah. And guess who she asked to tell everyone. You got it; ME. Believe me, that’s an ongoing personal struggle to this day.
We decided to try again in May/June. Got it on the first try! We just knew the first time was a fluke…nothing to worry about. The date for the confirmation ultrasound rolls around and we’re so excited we can hardly stand it. The only people who know this time are my parents (my mom works in the lab where my HCGs were done), my BF and my supervisor. Anyone want to guess how the ultrasound went? Yep. Baby died at 6 weeks 6 days. Utter devastation. This time I decided to do the cytotec – get this fiasco behind us so we can start healing. The first round didn’t work. The second round was so horrible that I will never do the cytotec again. All that pain and heartache, and all we got was more of the same.
Now I’m waiting for AF to come back around so that everything will resemble normalcy again. My OB/GYN likes her patients to wait 2 healthy periods before trying again. That puts us to September-ish. We’re planning on waiting until October when we go on vacation for our anniversary. The BF? Due October 22 with a baby girl. Me and Mr. Curly Bud? Taking it one day at a time and praying that the old adage will hold up for us: third time’s the charm.
Thanks for listening and looking forward to talking to you again soon!
Showing posts with label Intro. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Intro. Show all posts
August 25, 2011
July 27, 2011
Introducing Lucky Bud
I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. When I think of a younger version of myself, I picture myself with my little brother always on my hip. As a young girl I always thought I would follow in the footsteps of my mother, and get married when I was 19 and start having babies when I was 20. Things didn't necessarily go as I had planned. When I was 22 I decided to do some traveling. Time flew by, and after 4 years I finally decided to come home for a year break. It was durning that year I met Mr. Lucky Bud. Who would have thought that I would travel around the world, and find the love of my life right back in my old boring home town?! Mr. Lucky Bud and I were married in September 2005.
That first year we were in marital bliss, and having so much fun together. We started our marriage with plenty of debt, and wanted to clear that up before having children, since we both wanted me to be able to stay home with the kids. I had a feeling it was going to be difficult for us to conceive, so we agreed that I would go off of birth control before we were actually ready to be pregnant. Can you believe that one day I was actually in tears thinking that I might be pregnant? They were not tears of joy. I thought that Mr Lucky might be mad at me for getting pregnant too soon! How ridiculous! Now it has been over 5 years of charting, taking temperatures, ovulation tests, timing things out every month, disappointing pregnancy tests, and all that fun stuff, and still nothing... In retrospect it would have been a great thing to have been pregnant back then, even with some debt.
After about 8 months of TTC we went to a fertility specialist. I set up all of my apts. After having HCGs, ultrasounds, blood tests, etc... there was still no cause for infertility found. Finally when all of my tests were completed, I was able to twist Mr. Lucky Buds arm to go in and get the dreaded semen analysis. A few days later I got the call from my RN. "I think we are on to something." With a low sperm count and even lower morphology, we were told that our only shot was IVF with ICSI. I wasalone in my car when I got the call. I remember pulling over and crying my eyes out on the side of the road. I tried to compose myself to break the news to Mr. Lucky Bud back at home. It was difficult to come to terms with things at first, but we tried to be positive, and new that we would be parents some day.
We decided to move forward considering both IVF and adoption. As we thought and prayed about things, it seemed clear to us that for our first child, adoption was the path we should take. We had our homestudy completed in July 2008, were selected by a birthmother in October, and in April 2009, our first child, Little Lucky Bud #1 was born!
In 2010 we started thinking about what route to take for Lucky Baby #2. After a wonderful, but also very stressful, and at times difficult adoption process, we decided to try IVF this time around. We took an IVF vacation to Costa RIca in July 2010. We were actually there at the same time as Chef Bud! Although we were hopeful that IVF would work, I started the homestudy process a couple months before Costa Rica as a backup. When our IVF failed, it was great to be able to jump right into the adoption process.
Our homestudy was finished in September 2010. We were first written by our BM on December, 8 2010, and were holding our wonderful Lucky Baby Bud #2 on Christmas Eve 2010!
We heard about embryo adoption 2 years ago, and it sounded perfect for us for Lucky Baby #3. Although Baby Lucky Bud #2 is only 7 months, we are diving in head first and hoping for a transfer date in September this year.
We are currently in the matching process, which has already had it's share of ups and downs. We are very hopeful for a baby in 2012, and excited to share our journey with you! As I said in the beginning, things haven't gone how I had planned. It is true, but things have turned out much better than I could have ever planned for myself. I have an amazing husband and two wonderful children. I truly am lucky, and very, very blessed.
That first year we were in marital bliss, and having so much fun together. We started our marriage with plenty of debt, and wanted to clear that up before having children, since we both wanted me to be able to stay home with the kids. I had a feeling it was going to be difficult for us to conceive, so we agreed that I would go off of birth control before we were actually ready to be pregnant. Can you believe that one day I was actually in tears thinking that I might be pregnant? They were not tears of joy. I thought that Mr Lucky might be mad at me for getting pregnant too soon! How ridiculous! Now it has been over 5 years of charting, taking temperatures, ovulation tests, timing things out every month, disappointing pregnancy tests, and all that fun stuff, and still nothing... In retrospect it would have been a great thing to have been pregnant back then, even with some debt.
After about 8 months of TTC we went to a fertility specialist. I set up all of my apts. After having HCGs, ultrasounds, blood tests, etc... there was still no cause for infertility found. Finally when all of my tests were completed, I was able to twist Mr. Lucky Buds arm to go in and get the dreaded semen analysis. A few days later I got the call from my RN. "I think we are on to something." With a low sperm count and even lower morphology, we were told that our only shot was IVF with ICSI. I wasalone in my car when I got the call. I remember pulling over and crying my eyes out on the side of the road. I tried to compose myself to break the news to Mr. Lucky Bud back at home. It was difficult to come to terms with things at first, but we tried to be positive, and new that we would be parents some day.
We decided to move forward considering both IVF and adoption. As we thought and prayed about things, it seemed clear to us that for our first child, adoption was the path we should take. We had our homestudy completed in July 2008, were selected by a birthmother in October, and in April 2009, our first child, Little Lucky Bud #1 was born!
In 2010 we started thinking about what route to take for Lucky Baby #2. After a wonderful, but also very stressful, and at times difficult adoption process, we decided to try IVF this time around. We took an IVF vacation to Costa RIca in July 2010. We were actually there at the same time as Chef Bud! Although we were hopeful that IVF would work, I started the homestudy process a couple months before Costa Rica as a backup. When our IVF failed, it was great to be able to jump right into the adoption process.
Our homestudy was finished in September 2010. We were first written by our BM on December, 8 2010, and were holding our wonderful Lucky Baby Bud #2 on Christmas Eve 2010!
We heard about embryo adoption 2 years ago, and it sounded perfect for us for Lucky Baby #3. Although Baby Lucky Bud #2 is only 7 months, we are diving in head first and hoping for a transfer date in September this year.
We are currently in the matching process, which has already had it's share of ups and downs. We are very hopeful for a baby in 2012, and excited to share our journey with you! As I said in the beginning, things haven't gone how I had planned. It is true, but things have turned out much better than I could have ever planned for myself. I have an amazing husband and two wonderful children. I truly am lucky, and very, very blessed.
February 23, 2011
Introducing Cupcake Bud
Once upon a time in the cold land of dairy and cheese (aka Wisconsin) a girl and boy met at McDonald’s orientation. It was love at first sight for the boy, but the girl was a little unsure. Well, after a few shifts together the girl asked the boy to prom and from that day forward she knew they were destined to be together.
After 3 proms, graduations and everything in between the boy (now a young man) proposed to the girl (now a young lady) at their church... in front of all their church family during testimony time. The young man never gave a testimony and the young lady was confused and then became shocked when it was about her. The young man even made sure her mom and dad were there to see it.
Of course she said yes they had the date picked out and things reserved well in advance (almost 2 years in advance), but then September 11 happened and everything changed. The date he had to leave was before their original date they picked, but he wanted nothing more than to marry his high school sweetheart before leaving... and hearing this melted her heart... so they pushed the date up and were married on Valentine’s Day becoming Mr and Mrs Cupcake Bud. Then in less then two weeks later he left basic training.
After basic training and tech school (which added up to 11 months of waiting) they were able to start their life together at their first duty station; and they lived happily ever after....
If only it were that easy... despite that we are still happily married (even after 9 years of marriage people think we are newlyweds) our dreams of having a Baby Cupcake Bud were crushed in mid 2003. A random doctors appointment turned into us being told that the doctor thought I had uterine cancer (all this assumption off of some hair patterning on my stomach). She told me I had to have and emergency ultrasound and tests and then in a week I’d probably be having a hysterectomy. My world turned upside down and in 2.9 seconds at that.
After waiting for the test results and walking in a haze that felt drug induced I finally got the call that I did not have cancer, but that I needed to see an endo specialist. The day we met with the endo doctor our life changed forever. I was told I had PCOS. At that time they hardly knew anything and what they did know wasn’t completely true. For years we went on thinking we could NEVER have a baby and the only possibility of having a baby would mean fertility treatments and drugs and a whole lot a stress.
Of course we decided we’d go ahead and meet with an infertility specialist and start the process. Well, after lots of paper work, testing, charting days and months and then couple years went by and all that came of it was me feeling like a lab rat and our personal life invaded.... and I decided my body and spirit just could not take it any more. My light was about to be extinguished and I wanted to find me again.
This is when Mr. Cupcake Bud and I decided that we wanted to take a break and put it in God’s hands. We fully believe He can make the impossible possible. So, I did some researching on PCOS on my own. It was then that I wanted to try the natural route because I was reading a lot of ladies with PCOS had success getting pregnant. So I cleared out the fridge headed to the store and bought vitamins, supplements and new food. I also bought myself a gym membership and started working out. Four months later and 50+ pounds lighter my husband came home for mid tour and of course any military wife probably knows what happens then ;)
Well, the day before Christmas we found out we were pregnant. It was our little miracle and I can’t explain how excited I was and how thankful to God I was. Mr. Cupcake Bud had to go back overseas to finish his time. Leaving Cupcake Bud all alone... again. Which made what happened a few weeks later even harder to deal with. Cupcake Bud lost the little miracle cupcake and was crushed.
It was very hard to bounce back from and I subconsciously sabotaged myself because I was fearful that if I stepped foot on the treadmill or kept at my current weight or went down I would have to go through it all over again. And I just couldn’t do it. On the outside I was smiling and I was living my life, but inside fear was gripping me. Well, now two some years later I woke up and realized I put the weight back on and that who I saw was not me at all.
So Mr Cupcake Bud and I are jumping back on the TTC bandwagon. I am facing PCOS head on and going to get back control of what it took from me again. So here’s to my journey of going the natural route coupled with faith. I hope you all will join us on our journey and see another side to TTC that I know is not for everyone, but it’s what worked for us before and it will work for us again.
After 3 proms, graduations and everything in between the boy (now a young man) proposed to the girl (now a young lady) at their church... in front of all their church family during testimony time. The young man never gave a testimony and the young lady was confused and then became shocked when it was about her. The young man even made sure her mom and dad were there to see it.
Of course she said yes they had the date picked out and things reserved well in advance (almost 2 years in advance), but then September 11 happened and everything changed. The date he had to leave was before their original date they picked, but he wanted nothing more than to marry his high school sweetheart before leaving... and hearing this melted her heart... so they pushed the date up and were married on Valentine’s Day becoming Mr and Mrs Cupcake Bud. Then in less then two weeks later he left basic training.
After basic training and tech school (which added up to 11 months of waiting) they were able to start their life together at their first duty station; and they lived happily ever after....
After waiting for the test results and walking in a haze that felt drug induced I finally got the call that I did not have cancer, but that I needed to see an endo specialist. The day we met with the endo doctor our life changed forever. I was told I had PCOS. At that time they hardly knew anything and what they did know wasn’t completely true. For years we went on thinking we could NEVER have a baby and the only possibility of having a baby would mean fertility treatments and drugs and a whole lot a stress.
This is when Mr. Cupcake Bud and I decided that we wanted to take a break and put it in God’s hands. We fully believe He can make the impossible possible. So, I did some researching on PCOS on my own. It was then that I wanted to try the natural route because I was reading a lot of ladies with PCOS had success getting pregnant. So I cleared out the fridge headed to the store and bought vitamins, supplements and new food. I also bought myself a gym membership and started working out. Four months later and 50+ pounds lighter my husband came home for mid tour and of course any military wife probably knows what happens then ;)
Well, the day before Christmas we found out we were pregnant. It was our little miracle and I can’t explain how excited I was and how thankful to God I was. Mr. Cupcake Bud had to go back overseas to finish his time. Leaving Cupcake Bud all alone... again. Which made what happened a few weeks later even harder to deal with. Cupcake Bud lost the little miracle cupcake and was crushed.
It was very hard to bounce back from and I subconsciously sabotaged myself because I was fearful that if I stepped foot on the treadmill or kept at my current weight or went down I would have to go through it all over again. And I just couldn’t do it. On the outside I was smiling and I was living my life, but inside fear was gripping me. Well, now two some years later I woke up and realized I put the weight back on and that who I saw was not me at all.
Many hugs, Cupcake Bud
Introducing Teacher Bud!
Once upon a time two awkward, 14 year old nerds met at a choir festival. They had a lot of mutual friends, and fell into hanging out together in their awkward, nerdy choir group. Eventually, they became closer, swapping fantasy novels and spending hours on the phone discussing the characters. This led to a few double dates with other choir nerds, but alas, they just stayed friends though graduation and separate colleges. Until one summer the choir group returned home, and both nerds (now 19 and 20) were single. Amidst many crude jokes from friends, they began dating, and 4 years later were married.
Hi, I’m teacher bud. Mr. Teacher Bud and I have now been married for 2 1/2 years. Last spring, my part-time teaching job went full time, and we happily hopped on the TTC train. It seemed perfect. Our ideal timing involved a spring baby to minimize my time off work and the need for infant care. Mr. Teacher bud had a conference in Japan in July 2010, so we made it into a vacation – the perfect time and place to start trying for a baby.
Four months later, we were out of luck on the spring/summer time line, and my charts weren’t very pretty. With my history of menstrual issues in the back of our heads, we headed off to the obgyn for some back-up.
We’re now in the 2ww of our 8th cycle TTC, and I feel like I’ve tried everything. Foods? Check. (Pom juice, green tea and pineapple core) Supplements? Check. (B-6 and Maca Root) Drugs? Check. (Metformin and Femara) And don’t forget the tests. I’ve had 7-DPO blood work, I’ve had thyroid tests, I’ve had glucose tests, Mr. TB has had 2 S/As each more confusing then the last.
I know we’ve barely scratched the surface in terms of TTC tests and interventions, but let me tell you, this is more than I ever thought I’d need to know about fertility.
Now? After all of those tests, Mr. TB is making an appointment to see the urologist to talk about those confusing S/As (I’ll save that for another post.) I’m waiting on my appointment with the endocrinologist to discuss my thyroid issues, and we’re both waiting on our appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist who can hopefully get us all figured out.
With all of that waiting for appointments, it’s only fitting that we’re doing another waiting game as well – the 2ww. I’m 2DPO on my second cycle of Femara. That’s right, get ready for a boob-squeezing, chart staring, hopeful and pessimistic ride though hell. And if this wait ends well, hopefully we can cancel some of those other waits. Except for the endocrinologist – this thyroid thing should get figured out either way.
Looking forward to sharing this journey with all of you,
Teacher Bud
January 28, 2011
Introducing PB & J Bud!
Hello! I am PB&J Bud and the newest blogger for Bloomin' Babies! I love all things peanut butter and my husband (most of the time), whose name starts with a J. So PB&J seemed like an appropriate Bud name. I am a avid reader of Bloomin' Babies so I am totally honored to become a blogger!
Mr. PB&J Bud and I started dating in 1999 when I was a freshman in college. He was cute and I was smitten. And we both liked to quote Seinfeld. So I immediately knew he was the one! We had a long courtship of 8 years before we were finally married in 2007. I think "long courtship" sounds better than saying he was a slow mover. Ha.
We are the proud parents to beautiful Little PB&J Bud who was born December 8, 2009. As cliche as it sounds, she is the greatest thing that ever happened to us. She is amazing! And like every other mother in the world, I will argue that my baby is the best baby in the history of babies. Becoming a parent for the first time was such a exhilarating experience that we decided we wanted to add to our family when Little PB&J Bud was only a few months old. We have officially been TTC number two since April of 2010.
Of course I have to include a pic of Little PB&J. She has just started walking and is quite proud of her new skill.
And for fun, I'll throw in a pic of Mr. PB&J and I on our wedding day. We were both skinnier then. My excuse is I had a baby. I'm not sure what his excuse is.
The road to TTC number two hasn't been an easy one. I have had a series of long, irregular, anovulatory cycles which have been nothing short of defeating. I have charted, drank POM Juice and Green Tea as well as religiously popped Evening Primrose Oil caplets all in the hopes of getting pregnant. When those methods failed to work I decided to take a back seat approach to TTC (mostly to save my sanity) and I found out I was pregnant with baby number two in early December. I can't even begin to tell you how excited we were! I was FINALLY pregnant and we could put the stress of TTC behind us once and for all. But, I am sorry to say the pregnancy was short lived and I started cramping and bleeding two days after my BFP. To make matters worse, the cramping and bleeding started hours before my daughter's first birthday party. Awesome. My chemical pregnancy was later confirmed at my OB/GYN appointment that following Monday.
So here I am, going on 10 months of TTC and I am back a square one. I was given the all clear to start TTC from my OB last cycle. You know that saying of how you are more fertile the cycle after a miscarriage? Yeah, well I bought into it even though I knew I shouldn't have. But I couldn't help it! The thought of getting pregnant again so soon was the one thing that helped me deal with the chemical pregnancy. So when AF arrived in January, I was completely let down.
I am excited to share my experience here with others who are going through the same thing! Mr. PB&J and I have decided to keep our TTC journey to ourselves for now. Which meant he has had to solely bear the brunt of my frustrations regarding TTC. Poor guy! So since I now have another outlet to discuss CM, temperature shifts and OPKs, it will alleviate the amount of TMI I share with him :)
Thanks for listening! I am never good at introductions so I hope mine wasn't too awkward!
Love,
PB&J Bud
Mr. PB&J Bud and I started dating in 1999 when I was a freshman in college. He was cute and I was smitten. And we both liked to quote Seinfeld. So I immediately knew he was the one! We had a long courtship of 8 years before we were finally married in 2007. I think "long courtship" sounds better than saying he was a slow mover. Ha.
We are the proud parents to beautiful Little PB&J Bud who was born December 8, 2009. As cliche as it sounds, she is the greatest thing that ever happened to us. She is amazing! And like every other mother in the world, I will argue that my baby is the best baby in the history of babies. Becoming a parent for the first time was such a exhilarating experience that we decided we wanted to add to our family when Little PB&J Bud was only a few months old. We have officially been TTC number two since April of 2010.
Of course I have to include a pic of Little PB&J. She has just started walking and is quite proud of her new skill.And for fun, I'll throw in a pic of Mr. PB&J and I on our wedding day. We were both skinnier then. My excuse is I had a baby. I'm not sure what his excuse is.
The road to TTC number two hasn't been an easy one. I have had a series of long, irregular, anovulatory cycles which have been nothing short of defeating. I have charted, drank POM Juice and Green Tea as well as religiously popped Evening Primrose Oil caplets all in the hopes of getting pregnant. When those methods failed to work I decided to take a back seat approach to TTC (mostly to save my sanity) and I found out I was pregnant with baby number two in early December. I can't even begin to tell you how excited we were! I was FINALLY pregnant and we could put the stress of TTC behind us once and for all. But, I am sorry to say the pregnancy was short lived and I started cramping and bleeding two days after my BFP. To make matters worse, the cramping and bleeding started hours before my daughter's first birthday party. Awesome. My chemical pregnancy was later confirmed at my OB/GYN appointment that following Monday.
So here I am, going on 10 months of TTC and I am back a square one. I was given the all clear to start TTC from my OB last cycle. You know that saying of how you are more fertile the cycle after a miscarriage? Yeah, well I bought into it even though I knew I shouldn't have. But I couldn't help it! The thought of getting pregnant again so soon was the one thing that helped me deal with the chemical pregnancy. So when AF arrived in January, I was completely let down.
I am excited to share my experience here with others who are going through the same thing! Mr. PB&J and I have decided to keep our TTC journey to ourselves for now. Which meant he has had to solely bear the brunt of my frustrations regarding TTC. Poor guy! So since I now have another outlet to discuss CM, temperature shifts and OPKs, it will alleviate the amount of TMI I share with him :)
Thanks for listening! I am never good at introductions so I hope mine wasn't too awkward!
Love,
PB&J Bud
January 26, 2011
Introducing Explorer Bud
Let’s start at the beginning, girl meets boy, they fall in love and get married! I married Mr. Explorer Bud in June 2007 and we bought our first home a week after getting married! We knew we didn’t want kids right away as Mr. Explorer Bud still had 3+ years of school left and I was working full time. So we started our marriage off with lots of traveling and fun adventures instead. I love to try new things and have picked up sewing, knitting, baking, cooking, swimming, running races, a triathlon, CrossFit, working at a crisis nursery, rock climbing, tennis, bicycling with clips (scary), and many other things. I love to tackle something new at least once a year and travel somewhere new. I would love to take a year and travel all around the world but that will have to be some other time when we actually have money and the freedom to do so, probably when we are retired!
We got a “test child”, Charlie the dog, that has been a wonderful addition to our little family. Then I found my husband and I a part-time job at a Crisis Nursery as weekend house parents that take care of kids who are in limbo with the foster system or the parents need time away from their children. A lot of the kids have behavioral or emotional issues so it was quite the experience for both Explorer Buds! Definitely let me see how my husband would handle difficult children and also his wonderful soft side with them. We live where there is a lot of babies!! So it is easy to feel surrounded by pregnant women and babies any time of the year. The baby fever began to hit Mr. Explorer Bud before me but it soon caught me a little after a year of being married. We of course thought what everyone does that we would get pregnant within the first few months without a problem…well that of course was not the case!!
After going off Birth Control for a few months and not getting AF I went into my doctor to discuss if my Hypothyroidism could be a cause and if we needed to adjust my medications. The doctor told me not to worry and to wait a few more months and that he was sure everything was fine. I knew that there was something else wrong so I did the smart thing and went to an Endocrinologist, someone that would know a bit more about Hypothyroidism. At this time I was training for my third marathon and a sprint triathlon at the same time and instead of losing or maintaining the scale kept rising. I have always been in excellent condition and never overweight but since my thyroid had started to slowly stop working the weight had been creeping on. After some convincing of the Endocrinologist and her assessment that yes I did not look like the typical marathoner and no I wasn’t stuffing myself with junk food that she would run not only thyroid but a full hormone panel to see what was causing AF to be absent for so long. The tests came back and we discovered that I had the start of PCOS and my thyroid was too low. In came Metformin and boy was that a joyous journey. It seems doctors have some problems giving you a heads up on the side effects of medicine and I soon found out the lovely intestinal issues that come with Metformin. Luckily my neighbor, who is a nurse, filled me in and I was able to fix most of those problems. The doctor also informed me that if I wanted to have kids I should go see a specialist soon because I wasn’t getting any younger, mind you I live where most people are having kids in their early 20’s so a 29 year old is pretty old to be starting having kids around here. Yes the doctor has quite the bedside manner but she is the best in the area.
Off I went to the RE to discuss our options and what we should be doing differently. We started with Clomid and after 3 months of nothing happening Mr. Explorer Bud’s SA which came back with the bad news of 1% Morphology! So we were told our only option was IVF with ICSI which of course is lots of $$$$! At this point I started looking into clinics out of state and trial studies that we might qualify for. Sadly I didn’t qualify for most of them and the ones I did they didn’t cover anything. I found a few websites about going abroad to do IVF and started looking into that. I have travelled a lot and knew that places like Thailand you could get excellent medical care for a fraction of the price. Of course I started looking for places that looked fun to go to and that the clinics had good feedback and weren’t incredibly expensive. I had settled on going to Greece but discovered when I wanted to go was going to be very expensive just to get there and staying wasn’t economical so my savings went out the door. I then found a clinic in Panama that had good results, the doctor was very helpful and there was a medical tourism company to assist me with the process. So the hubby and I put our cars up for sale and sold both of them so that we could pay off our debt and get the money to go along with buy a very used car to share.
We made our plans to go to Panama, unfortunately Mr. Explorer Bud was only able to come for a few days to give his sperm sample, as he is in school and his professors said there was no way he would pass if he missed more than 2 classes. Luckily my Mom was able to come the whole time with me so I would have someone to hold my hand. Our first round of IVF with ICSI was a great experience in the doctor was excellent to work with and listened to all my questions and what I wanted to be done. The medical tourism company we went with were also great and accompanied us to every appointment which was a great stress reliever as there are limited signs in Panama and it is easy to get lost. I was one of the lucky ones that the injections didn't bother me and I actually felt better while on them! It did help that my Mom gave them to me and she is an excellent shot giver! We ended up with 3 grade A eggs that we put in and I flew back home hopeful that this was going to end with a baby. I had a lot of spotting throughout and my BETA’s were 71 and then 172 so we figured everything was going good. At 7 weeks we went in to see how many and discovered there were none in the Uterus and that I had one in my left fallopian tube thriving. Little did the embryo know it couldn’t thrive in a fallopian tube so we went in that evening for emergency surgery to remove our one success. I was soo mad that it didn’t work and frustrated because we had used our savings to pay for our one shot which did work just not the right way! We were blessed that my parents offered to pay for round two and so we are getting ready to try again this February! I am apprehensively hopeful that this time it will be fine and we will have a baby at the end of this. If not, we are not sure of the next step for us as Mr. Explorer Bud is not ready to explore adoption.
I am excited to keep track of our journey this time around and share our experience with all of you. I will be writing soon!
Explorer Bud
September 9, 2010
Introducing... Diva Bud!
Hello, Blogging World! :) Hello, Blogging World! :) My name is Diva Bud, and I am THRILLED to be writing for Bloomin' Babies. I have been a reader of the blog for some time now, even though Mr. DB and I just officially had the "talk" about starting our TTC journey this past weekend, I have always enjoyed reading about all the different Buds on here and their stories... I have learned so much, even about things I knew absolutely nothing about! But finally, it seems that we are ready for a little addition to our family :)
The decision came up after I got a new job, where I will be receiving a steady paycheck (which always helps - hooray). I am an aspiring Opera Singer, and have been trying to "break in" to the business for some time now, with only minor luck here and there... so when this job became available, we both decided it would be a good time to slow things down a bit, and start a family. If we don't do it now while I'm waiting for my career to take off, who knows when we'll be able to do it? We have been married for almost two years, and have been so happy! I honestly never thought I would find someone like him. He is the love of my life, and I cannot wait to have his baby!
We have had a few road blocks in the way... some of which were diminished when I was presented with this new job... and some that are still hindering our chances of starting a family quickly and effortlessly. For starters, being "self-employed" doesn't always have it's perks... like health insurance, for example. We obtained an inexpensive health insurance with a 15-month waiting period for Pre-Natal/Maternity benefits (I didn't even know this existed!), and were willing to wait, but had to leave that insurance and start fresh with another 15-month period in another insurance after I was denied a much needed referral. All these health insurance issues were not helping, and were just making us more and more frustrated... but they just added to other problems that had been lurking for years... Since I was 15 years old, I have suffered from PCOS. The referral I was trying to get was to see an Endocrinologist to find out what other issues are hindering my chances of becoming PG, and to try and remedy all these problems.
I am hoping to finally learn how to chart... I've already got my little pink thermometer ready to go! :) Any help with this would be greatly appreciated, and of course I will be sharing all my charts as time goes by! I just don't have any to show at the moment :-/
Anyway, I am so happy to be a part of this wonderful blog, and I hope you will enjoy reading about my adventures! After all, when it comes to TTC-ing, there's never a dull moment ;)
Love,
September 7, 2010
Introducing Golden Bud
bark SQEAK!
That's how we say hello here in the Golden Bud household. I am a mom to the world's most handsome Golden Retriever and wife to Mr. Golden Bud. Mr. GB and I are both in our reproductive "golden years" so to speak--he's 42 and I'm 39. We have been TTC since returning from our honeymoon in December 2007.
In the beginning, Mr. GB was way more enthusiastic about babymaking than I was. I'm an only child, I come from a small family, and most of my friends are my age and either single, done having kids, or don't seem to want them. Mr. GB on the other hand has 3 siblings, 7 nieces, and all kinds of fertile college buddies. Of course I wouldn't have married him if I had no intention of having kids, but let's just say that I wasn't exactly psyched to go off the pill. Turns out I never needed to be on it in the first place, but I digress.
After our honeymoon, we tried the old-fashioned way for a few months, and then I bought a Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM) to get the show on the road. Turns out I was ovulating around Day 10. At first I thought oh, we’d been doing it a few days too early all along. But then after a few more months of BFNs I checked with Dr. Google (fyi, I see Dr. Bing now) and he gave me an eye-opening diagnosis--decreased ovarian reserve.
So off to the fertility doctor we go. No biggie--my best friend (who is a few years older than I am) was also seeing the same doctor. Mr. GB and I each had a $15k lifetime benefit for fertility treatments, so all our initial testing was covered. Mr. GB had his semen analysis, and I had the standard workup: Day 3 FSH and antral follicle count via ultrasound, pooled progesterone blood tests, and an HSG.
The infertility verdict? Turns out my tubes were busted (one blocked, one kinked), my AFC was 6, and my FSH was 9.2. Not horrible, but not great. Mr. GB's sperm was fine, but with the tubal situation and my age (37), the doctor recommended we go straight to IVF. Again, no biggie--I was prepared for this.
What I wasn’t prepared for was blowing through almost half of my insurance coverage on our first IVF cycle. In addition to having crappy tubes, I'm also a poor responder. We spent over $6k on meds only to have the cycle canceled due to no response. At that point I was considering donor eggs, but our doctor offered us 2 cycles as part of a research study for poor responders. We'd have to pay for the IVF monitoring and procedures, but our meds (the expensive ones) were free.
7 months, $1k in acupuncture fees, and 14 boxes of Gonal-F later, I'd managed to grow 4 follicles, make 4 embryos, and have 2 embies survive to Day 3. I'm talking two IVFs, two different protocols (MDL and antagonist) and virtually the same response--a single perfect 8-cell embryo transferred on Day 3. BFN both times. I'd also used up my lifetime insurance coverage. Within a year. So much for lifetime coverage.
Now is a good time for me to mention that I’m an eternal optimist, very even-tempered, and generally unemotional. This is probably the perfect psyche for dealing with infertility. I don’t think I cried at all up to this point in our journey—I instead preferred to stay positive and work with the cards I was dealt. Mr. GB is the emotional one in the family, but he’s also very tuned to me—if I’m happy, he’s usually happy, too. For this reason he had no doubts about moving to donor eggs. I was excited, and so was he.
The next part of our story, the story of our first donor cycle, is very sad. And I’ve already written so much that I think I’ll save that story for another post. And then after that I’ll get you caught up with the story of our second donor. Yes, that’s a lot of baggage! Fortunately our journey has really only just begun.
Til then, yours truly
Golden Bud
That's how we say hello here in the Golden Bud household. I am a mom to the world's most handsome Golden Retriever and wife to Mr. Golden Bud. Mr. GB and I are both in our reproductive "golden years" so to speak--he's 42 and I'm 39. We have been TTC since returning from our honeymoon in December 2007.
In the beginning, Mr. GB was way more enthusiastic about babymaking than I was. I'm an only child, I come from a small family, and most of my friends are my age and either single, done having kids, or don't seem to want them. Mr. GB on the other hand has 3 siblings, 7 nieces, and all kinds of fertile college buddies. Of course I wouldn't have married him if I had no intention of having kids, but let's just say that I wasn't exactly psyched to go off the pill. Turns out I never needed to be on it in the first place, but I digress.
After our honeymoon, we tried the old-fashioned way for a few months, and then I bought a Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM) to get the show on the road. Turns out I was ovulating around Day 10. At first I thought oh, we’d been doing it a few days too early all along. But then after a few more months of BFNs I checked with Dr. Google (fyi, I see Dr. Bing now) and he gave me an eye-opening diagnosis--decreased ovarian reserve.
So off to the fertility doctor we go. No biggie--my best friend (who is a few years older than I am) was also seeing the same doctor. Mr. GB and I each had a $15k lifetime benefit for fertility treatments, so all our initial testing was covered. Mr. GB had his semen analysis, and I had the standard workup: Day 3 FSH and antral follicle count via ultrasound, pooled progesterone blood tests, and an HSG.
The infertility verdict? Turns out my tubes were busted (one blocked, one kinked), my AFC was 6, and my FSH was 9.2. Not horrible, but not great. Mr. GB's sperm was fine, but with the tubal situation and my age (37), the doctor recommended we go straight to IVF. Again, no biggie--I was prepared for this.
What I wasn’t prepared for was blowing through almost half of my insurance coverage on our first IVF cycle. In addition to having crappy tubes, I'm also a poor responder. We spent over $6k on meds only to have the cycle canceled due to no response. At that point I was considering donor eggs, but our doctor offered us 2 cycles as part of a research study for poor responders. We'd have to pay for the IVF monitoring and procedures, but our meds (the expensive ones) were free.
7 months, $1k in acupuncture fees, and 14 boxes of Gonal-F later, I'd managed to grow 4 follicles, make 4 embryos, and have 2 embies survive to Day 3. I'm talking two IVFs, two different protocols (MDL and antagonist) and virtually the same response--a single perfect 8-cell embryo transferred on Day 3. BFN both times. I'd also used up my lifetime insurance coverage. Within a year. So much for lifetime coverage.
Now is a good time for me to mention that I’m an eternal optimist, very even-tempered, and generally unemotional. This is probably the perfect psyche for dealing with infertility. I don’t think I cried at all up to this point in our journey—I instead preferred to stay positive and work with the cards I was dealt. Mr. GB is the emotional one in the family, but he’s also very tuned to me—if I’m happy, he’s usually happy, too. For this reason he had no doubts about moving to donor eggs. I was excited, and so was he.
The next part of our story, the story of our first donor cycle, is very sad. And I’ve already written so much that I think I’ll save that story for another post. And then after that I’ll get you caught up with the story of our second donor. Yes, that’s a lot of baggage! Fortunately our journey has really only just begun.
Til then, yours truly
Golden Bud
Introducing...Magnolia Bud!
Hello! I'm Magnolia Bud, and I'm excited to be sharing my/our journey with you.
I’ll start with why I chose my Bud name—I think it will help introduce myself. I’ve lived in the southeast for almost six years now, and have been visiting regularly for more than ten years. Magnolias bloom about the time spring turns to summer, which is the part of the year I look forward to most—the days are long, the temperature’s high, there’s always a new hiking trail to explore or a new festival to experience, the grill has been dusted off, and everyone is in good spirits. Their scent is intoxicating, and the fact that each bloom only lasts a few days before it starts to brown makes me look forward to seeing the first bloom on my runs every spring. And when I do, I find myself running a lot further (and every day) during magnolia season so I can enjoy the blooms for as long as they’re around.
With that said, here are my essentials: I’m 29, and I’ve been married to Mr. Magnolia Bud for three years. We are parents to two cats, who we’ve had since they were teeny babies. I’m an attorney working in the nonprofit world, and Mr. Magnolia Bud works in biochem. For fun, I run, read, cook, scrapbook, spend time outdoors, and spend time with Mr. MB and our friends. I say “I run for fun” in a way that actually means I’m quite preoccupied with it--I’m training for my seventh(!) marathon right now, and will be running my fourth Goofy Challenge in January. (The Goofy is when you show up to run a half marathon one day, and a full marathon the next. Through all four parks at Disney World. Yes, I realize that qualifies me as somewhat maniacal.)
Now, the important part. I have many ‘charming’ hobbies, but only Mr. Magnolia Bud knows that my true hobby has become obsessing over babies, baby stuff, and getting pregnant. And I do mean seriously obsessing. Charting, chart stalking, looking up prospective due dates, looking into parenting styles that might work for us, investigating the world of cloth diapers, picking the brain of all possible co-workers with children (and it does NOT help that one has a pair of 5-month old twins!). All of the other hobbies have become mere distractions until it’s our turn to TTC.
So where are we? We’re on CD13 of our last cycle TTA. I’ve been charting since May, and we’ve been TTA to get into a better place financially as well as making sure we’re both done with school and started in our careers. Because we both have post-graduate degrees, all of these needed to be important to us to give future Baby Magnolia Bud a great start.
My charting has shown me that I have a short luteal phase (consistently 8-9 days). I had a LEEP in April, and I worry about potential cervical length issues (among other things). I've started seeing a nurse-midwife at the birth center we plan to use, and we’re going for a tour of the birth center at the end of the month. I’ve started prenatals, and am taking B6 (200mg/day), red raspberry leaf/nettles/oat straw/green teas (most days), and have read TCOYF and What to Expect multiple times. I’ve bought a CBEFM, and ordered my first HPT’s from Amazon.
I hope you’ll enjoy following my journey. Until we TTC, I’ll be talking about getting my body in baby-ready shape, my struggle with a short luteal phase, and my challenges and successes in TTA.
Lots of Love (and baby dust),
Magnolia Bud
August 5, 2010
Introducing June Bud!
Here it goes!
Hi there! I am June Bud, and I am the newest member of the Bloomin Babies Blog! I have followed the gals on their journeys thus far, and it really inspired me to become one of the Buds. Their stories of TTC, and the journeys they have embarked on, have really helped me to deal with the emotional ups and downs that my own TTC journey has caused me. There are not many people in my life who know the ins and ours of our trouble with TTC, and sometimes it is really hard to talk to people about it because they don't always truly understand the highs and lows that you are experiencing. This was very difficult for me, and I found that reading about other peoples journeys, and following them through similar situations that I myself have experienced, has really helped me tremendously through this time in my life. I hope that my journey can help you too, and that together we can get through all of the highs and lows that we will face in this world known as TTC.
I am 29 years old, and I live in Florida with my wonderful hubby who is also 29. We met in college in NH, and had lived in the northeast our entire lives until about 6 years ago when we decided the cold and snow weren't for us and picked up and moved 1300 miles away to Florida. Mr. June Bud and I love children, and he is currently a Social Services Supervisor for a program that represents children in the child welfare system. I am a Guidance Counselor, and our hearts could not be more in love with children. Long before we even decided to get married, we felt that children in the foster care system needed our help, and we opened our home to foster children for 2.5 years. We never had the intention of adopting...heck, we were only about 25 years old at the time, but we wanted to give these abandoned little kids a place to call home while they were looking for their forever home. This only lasted about two minutes, because as soon as the first child came to our home, we were in love and were determined to adopt them. We had A LOT of heartbreak along the way, but made wonderful memories that will last a lifetime. We fostered four children before our son, and on October 31, 2007 our baby came home. He was a curly haired adorable 9 month old who had been severely neglected by his birth mom. We fostered him and fought to adopt him for over two years before we were finally given the opportunity to officially make him our son on November 30, 2009. He is my "pumpkin baby," and he was born in our hearts on that beautiful Halloween day in 2007.
Mr. June Bud and I were married in October 2008, and our little guy was by our side on that wonderful day. Once we knew last summer that we could officially adopt our son, we started TTC. We felt it was important to make sure that he could be our forever son before we brought another baby into the picture. Dealing with the loss of a foster child is tremendous, and for me, it was not an option to have our own kids if we did not know if our foster son could be with us forever. We needed to grieve and deal with his loss first, if it were to come to that. Once we had the official word that his adoption was in the works, we jumped on the TTC bandwagon. What a year it has been...when I started down the adoption and TTC path, I had no idea what a BBT was, what taking my temps meant, what OPK's were, how to time intercourse, or what in the world CERVICAL MUCUS WAS!!!!!!! I felt like I entered a whole new universe, and that my sanity had gone with it. I never in a MILLION years would have though that it would take so much out of me just to start a little June Bud family. But now, 13 months later it has been a very interesting ride, with a long road still in front of us. Although I have learned a lot over the past year, it was not done without feeling uncertainty, rejection, humility, and of course many shared tears and laughs. Sigh, I know I still have a long way to go, but I can't wait to share this experience with you!
Thanks for listening! There's a lot more where that came from! :-)
June Bud
Hi there! I am June Bud, and I am the newest member of the Bloomin Babies Blog! I have followed the gals on their journeys thus far, and it really inspired me to become one of the Buds. Their stories of TTC, and the journeys they have embarked on, have really helped me to deal with the emotional ups and downs that my own TTC journey has caused me. There are not many people in my life who know the ins and ours of our trouble with TTC, and sometimes it is really hard to talk to people about it because they don't always truly understand the highs and lows that you are experiencing. This was very difficult for me, and I found that reading about other peoples journeys, and following them through similar situations that I myself have experienced, has really helped me tremendously through this time in my life. I hope that my journey can help you too, and that together we can get through all of the highs and lows that we will face in this world known as TTC.
I am 29 years old, and I live in Florida with my wonderful hubby who is also 29. We met in college in NH, and had lived in the northeast our entire lives until about 6 years ago when we decided the cold and snow weren't for us and picked up and moved 1300 miles away to Florida. Mr. June Bud and I love children, and he is currently a Social Services Supervisor for a program that represents children in the child welfare system. I am a Guidance Counselor, and our hearts could not be more in love with children. Long before we even decided to get married, we felt that children in the foster care system needed our help, and we opened our home to foster children for 2.5 years. We never had the intention of adopting...heck, we were only about 25 years old at the time, but we wanted to give these abandoned little kids a place to call home while they were looking for their forever home. This only lasted about two minutes, because as soon as the first child came to our home, we were in love and were determined to adopt them. We had A LOT of heartbreak along the way, but made wonderful memories that will last a lifetime. We fostered four children before our son, and on October 31, 2007 our baby came home. He was a curly haired adorable 9 month old who had been severely neglected by his birth mom. We fostered him and fought to adopt him for over two years before we were finally given the opportunity to officially make him our son on November 30, 2009. He is my "pumpkin baby," and he was born in our hearts on that beautiful Halloween day in 2007.
Mr. June Bud and I were married in October 2008, and our little guy was by our side on that wonderful day. Once we knew last summer that we could officially adopt our son, we started TTC. We felt it was important to make sure that he could be our forever son before we brought another baby into the picture. Dealing with the loss of a foster child is tremendous, and for me, it was not an option to have our own kids if we did not know if our foster son could be with us forever. We needed to grieve and deal with his loss first, if it were to come to that. Once we had the official word that his adoption was in the works, we jumped on the TTC bandwagon. What a year it has been...when I started down the adoption and TTC path, I had no idea what a BBT was, what taking my temps meant, what OPK's were, how to time intercourse, or what in the world CERVICAL MUCUS WAS!!!!!!! I felt like I entered a whole new universe, and that my sanity had gone with it. I never in a MILLION years would have though that it would take so much out of me just to start a little June Bud family. But now, 13 months later it has been a very interesting ride, with a long road still in front of us. Although I have learned a lot over the past year, it was not done without feeling uncertainty, rejection, humility, and of course many shared tears and laughs. Sigh, I know I still have a long way to go, but I can't wait to share this experience with you!
Thanks for listening! There's a lot more where that came from! :-)
June Bud
July 28, 2010
Introducing Cherry Bud!
Hello All!
My name (as it were) is Cherry Bud. Mr. Cherry Bud and I have been married since May 2009. We enjoyed being newlyweds, but tiny little cherry babies were always in the back of our minds. We both love children, you see. Mr. Cherry Bud opened the conversation of our third date with the words "I think you should know. I want six kids". I told my mother at age three that I wanted quintuplets. Our reproductive dreams were so well-known, and our supposed future children considered such a sure thing, that, a month before my wedding, my sisters in law bestowed upon me two bins of maternity clothes. Big ones. We are, without a doubt, "baby people".
When we had been married about six months, we had "the conversation", and pronounced 2011 "The Year of the Baby". By March of 2010, however, we found that our goals of being debt-free were closer to being realized that we had thought. We happily moved the date to June 2010, then to April 2010. I went to my Pre-TTC appointment with visions of onesies and layette sets dancing in my head.
Then my doctor (Who looks fantastically like a hobbit. To a nerd like me, having Bilbo Baggins as a doctor is a dream come true) said a troubling stream of words, among them "Abnormal", "Worrisome", and "Clomid", none of which are nice to hear on their own, let alone all in one sentence. Because of my atypically long and irregular cycles, he was worried that I wasn't ovulating quite as often as we would like, or at all.
Awesome.
He gave us the green light to TTC, but said that if I went past a 60-day cycle, I needed to give his office a call so that we could "discuss" our "options".
My first cycle off BCP was a dreamboat of a cycle. Beautiful temp rise at day 23, nice long luteal phase. I was ecstatic. Even AF's arrival couldn't derail my good mood. I was convinced that with such a reassuring first cycle, there was no way we could have anything but an easy conception. Wrong.
My next cycle arrived, and liked the scenery so much that it stayed. For 82 days. 82 days of temps hovering around 97.4. No O. No perfect luteal phase. No BFP and no AF. Doctors were phoned, sweet nurses called me "dear", and Provera was prescribed. Provera, FYI, makes me crazy. In a Ted Bundy kind of way. I yelled at my husband for calling me beautiful. No lie.
On the bright side, the Provera worked like a charm, and CD1 arrived again. Our next step is Clomid, to be discussed with Dr. Baggins on August 11.
Being a mother, is, as 1953 as it sounds, the biggest dream I have ever had. This journey will be, I can already tell, one that I will enable me to look at my new baby and tell them "We tried so hard for you, and now you are here, and we love you". I cannot wait for that moment. For now, I am content to be in love with Mr. Cherry Bud, who is as anxious to count tiny toes as I am, and who occasional brings home baby socks from Target, sheepishly telling me that they were "just so cute. And only a dollar!". Thank you for being a part of this story with us. Here;s hoping and praying for a happy ending!
Hugs,
Cherry Bud
July 22, 2010
Introducing Blueberry Bud
Hey there!
I am Blueberry Bud. Mr. Blueberry Bud and I were married in October 2009. Six weeks later our TTC journey began. We were pretty aggressive in our efforts from the get-go and began charting right away. I am a scientist and he is a physician so we both had a strong desire to know exactly what was going on with my body so that we could time things just right (I hope you can tell that we are both die-hard romantics!).
I am an extremely anxious person with a great imagination, so from the beginning of our TTC adventure I managed to string together all sorts of horrendous what-if scenarios all of course culminating in me doomed to a life of barrenness surrounded by many furry feline friends. However, the more rational side of me didn't really think we would have much of a problem getting pregnant -- I always had normal cycles, I had only been on BCP a few months, and I had no gynecological history or family history of problems.
After a few months it was clear that I was ovulating predictably, that we were generally timing things well, and that I had a good LP. We added green tea, pre-seed, all the usual stuff and this helped us feel more in control and like we were doing things that could enhance the effort. By Cycle 7, I turned to acupuncture and yoga. I am still always looking for things to add to our TTC routine, if only to create the illusion that we have some degree of control.
By Cycle 5 we started to get impatient...our timing was awesome, my cycles were normal, I was definitely Oing, and nothing was happening. By Cycle 6 we decided to begin some initial fertility testing to rule out an obvious problem. Our thinking was that we didn't want to waste time if there was something clearly wrong and easily diagnosable going on. We did a S/A (Mr. Blueberry Bud appears to NOT be the problem), CD3 bloodwork, and a baseline ultrasound. So far, all our results have been normal.
On Cycle 7 we started doing follicle monitoring with TI. Our doctor apparently doesn't think charting is so accurate and he wanted us to try a couple unmedicated monitored cycles with TI. Cycle 7 was a bust even with 6 days of consecutive BDing up to and including day of O. Originally we were going to continue with the follicle monitoring and TI for Cycle 8, but when our doctor learned that the following cycle we would be in different countries during the week I will likely O, he recommended that we try our first IUI this cycle. So here we are --ready to try something new and praying that it will be our lucky break.
Psychologically and emotionally, TTC has been one of the toughest experiences I've faced so far (maybe this says a lot about how blessed I've been in my life). It is so hard trying to feel positive and hopeful every cycle only to be crushed when you find out that once again you aren't pregnant. It gets harder to believe that any one given cycle will be different from the stack of failures behind you. I am so happy to have Mr. Blueberry Bud by my side.
Sometimes when I am feeling really blue about TTC, I feel ridiculous for allowing myself to feel that way when we haven't been trying THAT long. I do believe, cat lady daydreams not withstanding, that some day I will be a mom, I just don't know how soon and how long the road to get there will be. I look forward to sharing the ups & downs of our continuing journey with you!
I am Blueberry Bud. Mr. Blueberry Bud and I were married in October 2009. Six weeks later our TTC journey began. We were pretty aggressive in our efforts from the get-go and began charting right away. I am a scientist and he is a physician so we both had a strong desire to know exactly what was going on with my body so that we could time things just right (I hope you can tell that we are both die-hard romantics!).
I am an extremely anxious person with a great imagination, so from the beginning of our TTC adventure I managed to string together all sorts of horrendous what-if scenarios all of course culminating in me doomed to a life of barrenness surrounded by many furry feline friends. However, the more rational side of me didn't really think we would have much of a problem getting pregnant -- I always had normal cycles, I had only been on BCP a few months, and I had no gynecological history or family history of problems.
After a few months it was clear that I was ovulating predictably, that we were generally timing things well, and that I had a good LP. We added green tea, pre-seed, all the usual stuff and this helped us feel more in control and like we were doing things that could enhance the effort. By Cycle 7, I turned to acupuncture and yoga. I am still always looking for things to add to our TTC routine, if only to create the illusion that we have some degree of control.
By Cycle 5 we started to get impatient...our timing was awesome, my cycles were normal, I was definitely Oing, and nothing was happening. By Cycle 6 we decided to begin some initial fertility testing to rule out an obvious problem. Our thinking was that we didn't want to waste time if there was something clearly wrong and easily diagnosable going on. We did a S/A (Mr. Blueberry Bud appears to NOT be the problem), CD3 bloodwork, and a baseline ultrasound. So far, all our results have been normal.
On Cycle 7 we started doing follicle monitoring with TI. Our doctor apparently doesn't think charting is so accurate and he wanted us to try a couple unmedicated monitored cycles with TI. Cycle 7 was a bust even with 6 days of consecutive BDing up to and including day of O. Originally we were going to continue with the follicle monitoring and TI for Cycle 8, but when our doctor learned that the following cycle we would be in different countries during the week I will likely O, he recommended that we try our first IUI this cycle. So here we are --ready to try something new and praying that it will be our lucky break.
Psychologically and emotionally, TTC has been one of the toughest experiences I've faced so far (maybe this says a lot about how blessed I've been in my life). It is so hard trying to feel positive and hopeful every cycle only to be crushed when you find out that once again you aren't pregnant. It gets harder to believe that any one given cycle will be different from the stack of failures behind you. I am so happy to have Mr. Blueberry Bud by my side.
Sometimes when I am feeling really blue about TTC, I feel ridiculous for allowing myself to feel that way when we haven't been trying THAT long. I do believe, cat lady daydreams not withstanding, that some day I will be a mom, I just don't know how soon and how long the road to get there will be. I look forward to sharing the ups & downs of our continuing journey with you!
May 6, 2010
Sarcastic Bud In The House....Errr, Garden
Hello everyone, Sarcastic Bud here, and I'm super excited to join the Bloomin Babies Garden. Since this is my very first post, I wanted to give you lovely ladies a background on my TTC adventure.
My journey started in November 2008 when Mr. SB and I decided to ditch the BCP and switched to TTC on our honeymoon. We were both so excited and totally ready to have a baby - until my arch nemeses, Auth Flo decided to skip town - and it wasn't because I was pregnant. Well, she didn't exactly skip town, as much as she would show unexpectedly and demand to be accommodated. Mr. SB and I had previously decided to wait one year until we would talk to our doctors about our TTC woes, but we knew something was wrong and that it had to be addressed.
I was diagnosed with PCOS in June of 2009 and given the drug Provera to stop a visit from Aunt Flo that had lasted for over three weeks (Worst. Houseguest. Ever.).
The next month I showed signs of fertility and we were so happy. I began to think that maybe the Provera was all that my body needed to kick my ovaries back into gear! We did the Wild Monkey Dance when we thought we were supposed to and waited.....until Aunt Flo decided to crash the party a few weeks later (I imagine that in real life, Aunt Flo is the type of party crasher that would steal your toilet paper and draw obscene pictures on your face while your asleep). Although we were disappointed, we started to see a light at the seemingly never ending TTC tunnel.
The next month the same thing happened. Signs of fertility, Wild Monkey Dance, 2WW. Except AF decided not to pay a visit that month. I wanted to think I was pregnant, but because my cycle was so irregular, I didn't want to get my hopes up. Until the day when I bought a pregnancy test.......and 2 lines appeared. Mr. SB and I were over the moon! We thought that our wait was finally over and that we were finally going to be able to have our dreams fulfilled....we were going to be parents.
Then the bleeding started at 6 weeks. I miscarried.
I cannot even put into words what I felt during that time. I felt like someone had yanked my heart out of my chest, stomped on it, and then roundhouse kicked it Chuck Norris style around the tri-state area. I spent the next 2 months in a whirlwind of emotions. Sad, angry, defeated.
Mr. SB was my rock, the best support system I could have ever asked for. We reveled in the fact that, at least, we still had each other - which I now know was my saving grace. We found strength in our love for each other.
We waited one cycle and after that, decided to try again. I remember sitting at my parents' house on Christmas and feeling that ever familiar sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I feared the worse, and even though I knew it was early, when I got home that evening I immediately took a pregnancy test.....which was negative. I let out a huge sigh of relief and tried to put it out of my mind.
A few days later I started spotting. Still fearing the worse, I took another test. Negative. Once again, relief swept over me.
Until 2 days after that when I started to bleed again. I knew this pattern, and my heart sank. Taking a pregnancy test for the third time confirmed my fear - I was pregnant and was losing my baby, once again. Blood tests from my doctor's office confirmed this, and at that moment, I think I forgot to breathe. I couldn't believe that we had to go through this again.
Except this time, I refuse to be defeated. I know that if I want to achieve my dream of becoming a mother, I will have to fight for it. After checking out a few RE's (against my regular OB's unwarranted advice. In her words, "Only two miscarriages? I think we should try one more time." Haha - right Lady), I found one that was perfect for me. Was he a "Warm Fuzzy"? No, which is pretty awesome being that I am the type of person where any unnecessary touching makes me want to recoil in disgust (yes, I'm a hug hater, respect the personal bubble). Did he know his shit? Absolutely. I picked him.
After our initial consultation, he decided to put me on Clomid. My saline ultrasound came back perfect (besides the polycystic ovaries), and right at this moment I am on my first round of 50 mg Clomid, with minimal side effects (Have I woken up in the middle of the night sweating like a fat kid chasing M&Ms? Yes, but that's what I consider minimal).
I am ready for this, I am ready to try again.
My journey started in November 2008 when Mr. SB and I decided to ditch the BCP and switched to TTC on our honeymoon. We were both so excited and totally ready to have a baby - until my arch nemeses, Auth Flo decided to skip town - and it wasn't because I was pregnant. Well, she didn't exactly skip town, as much as she would show unexpectedly and demand to be accommodated. Mr. SB and I had previously decided to wait one year until we would talk to our doctors about our TTC woes, but we knew something was wrong and that it had to be addressed.
I was diagnosed with PCOS in June of 2009 and given the drug Provera to stop a visit from Aunt Flo that had lasted for over three weeks (Worst. Houseguest. Ever.).
The next month I showed signs of fertility and we were so happy. I began to think that maybe the Provera was all that my body needed to kick my ovaries back into gear! We did the Wild Monkey Dance when we thought we were supposed to and waited.....until Aunt Flo decided to crash the party a few weeks later (I imagine that in real life, Aunt Flo is the type of party crasher that would steal your toilet paper and draw obscene pictures on your face while your asleep). Although we were disappointed, we started to see a light at the seemingly never ending TTC tunnel.
The next month the same thing happened. Signs of fertility, Wild Monkey Dance, 2WW. Except AF decided not to pay a visit that month. I wanted to think I was pregnant, but because my cycle was so irregular, I didn't want to get my hopes up. Until the day when I bought a pregnancy test.......and 2 lines appeared. Mr. SB and I were over the moon! We thought that our wait was finally over and that we were finally going to be able to have our dreams fulfilled....we were going to be parents.
Then the bleeding started at 6 weeks. I miscarried.
I cannot even put into words what I felt during that time. I felt like someone had yanked my heart out of my chest, stomped on it, and then roundhouse kicked it Chuck Norris style around the tri-state area. I spent the next 2 months in a whirlwind of emotions. Sad, angry, defeated.
Mr. SB was my rock, the best support system I could have ever asked for. We reveled in the fact that, at least, we still had each other - which I now know was my saving grace. We found strength in our love for each other.
We waited one cycle and after that, decided to try again. I remember sitting at my parents' house on Christmas and feeling that ever familiar sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I feared the worse, and even though I knew it was early, when I got home that evening I immediately took a pregnancy test.....which was negative. I let out a huge sigh of relief and tried to put it out of my mind.
A few days later I started spotting. Still fearing the worse, I took another test. Negative. Once again, relief swept over me.
Until 2 days after that when I started to bleed again. I knew this pattern, and my heart sank. Taking a pregnancy test for the third time confirmed my fear - I was pregnant and was losing my baby, once again. Blood tests from my doctor's office confirmed this, and at that moment, I think I forgot to breathe. I couldn't believe that we had to go through this again.
Except this time, I refuse to be defeated. I know that if I want to achieve my dream of becoming a mother, I will have to fight for it. After checking out a few RE's (against my regular OB's unwarranted advice. In her words, "Only two miscarriages? I think we should try one more time." Haha - right Lady), I found one that was perfect for me. Was he a "Warm Fuzzy"? No, which is pretty awesome being that I am the type of person where any unnecessary touching makes me want to recoil in disgust (yes, I'm a hug hater, respect the personal bubble). Did he know his shit? Absolutely. I picked him.
After our initial consultation, he decided to put me on Clomid. My saline ultrasound came back perfect (besides the polycystic ovaries), and right at this moment I am on my first round of 50 mg Clomid, with minimal side effects (Have I woken up in the middle of the night sweating like a fat kid chasing M&Ms? Yes, but that's what I consider minimal).
I am ready for this, I am ready to try again.
April 15, 2010
Let the Sun shine down
You’re never alone in a sea of sunflowers. I’m Sunflower Bud and my favorite flower is the sunflower. You very rarely see a lone sunflower growing alone. You most often see a whole sea of them supporting each other. Always facing the sun and reaching for it with all their might. Basking in the warmth and brightness. Hoping. Always hoping.
I’m a 33 year old mother to the most wonderful 2 year old in the world. She’s bright and caring and funny and beautiful and wise beyond her years. She’s everything I could ever want in a child and so much more. Because of how blessed we are to have such a child, naturally we want more!
We have been TTC our second child since March 2009. Since our daughter wasn’t planned, I naively thought our second would be just as easy. I was wrong. Very wrong. After 9 months of charting and seeing that I was ovulating normally but not having any other fertile signs, I went to my OB/GYN. She looked over my charts and agreed that I “should” have gotten pregnant by now. She ran the usual gamut of tests and everything came back normal. She assumed that while I was ovulating normally, perhaps my eggs weren’t the best quality. So onward to Clomid! I responded QUITE well to 50mg of Clomid. My progesterone levels jumped to 45 and 55 both months I took Clomid. Yay! She was positive I was releasing more than 1 egg. So why wasn’t I getting pregnant?
Next up came the SHG. I had already had an HSG a few months before my daughter was conceived (long long long story involving an ex-husband and a different chapter in my life) due to trouble conceiving and it was crystal clear (and VERY painful!). The SHG, on the other hand, painless. Just some discomfort from the insertion of the speculum but I encounter that when I get my PAP so it wasn’t much different. Dr. L immediately saw a massive fibroid that was taking up approximately 75% of my uterus. So out it needed to come! I went in for a hysteroscopic myomectomy to have it removed. While in there, she was surprised that she didn’t immediately see the fibroid considering it’s size. It was covered by a lot of scar tissue that was spider webbed all across my uterus! She believes that the fibroid was there, but very small, when I had my c-section and the sweep that the OB/GYN did to make sure the placenta was out, caused the scar tissue to form over the fibroid. Meanwhile, the fibroid just continued to grow in size underneath all the scar tissue over the next 2 years. She equated my ability to implant as “trying to climb the Himalayas and find a nice soft grassy patch to land in…. or basically impossible.”
Here we are 2 months later and I am moving on to an RE and seeing where we can go from here.
Like the sunflower, I know I am not alone. I am just one in a sea of them… being supported…. Hoping…. Reaching.
April 14, 2010
Planning for a baby – An introduction
Let me start by giving you a little background on Mr. Planner Bud and myself. My roommate and her boyfriend set us up in July of 2007, because they were both sick of us complaining about the horrible people we were dating. We moved in together in June 2008 and were married in August 2009.
We knew quickly that we were right for each other and often talked about having children very soon after getting married. Mr. Planner Bud had really wanted me to get pregnant before our wedding, but we agreed to wait until the spring of 2010 to begin TTC. This plan didn’t last very long; during our honeymoon, we decided we wanted to start as soon as possible and have a family by the end of 2010. However we ended up having to wait until January of 2010 because Mr. Planner Bud’s job was hit by the bad economy and it took him a while to find a new one.
Even though we couldn’t begin TTC, I began charting and realized I had a shorter LP (about t 10-11 days), so I began taking B6 daily with my prenatal to try to make it a little longer. When we starting TTC in January, I was sure I would be pregnant right away and began planning my summer. I let my friend know that there was a good chance I would be visibly pregnant at her July wedding, and I researched all the things I would have to stay away from during our anniversary trip to Disney in August. However, cycle 1 came and went with no BFP. I was heartbroken, but figured a couple cycle was fine. I just completed cycle 3, and even though both Mr. Planner Bud and me were sick at some point during the cycle, it was still hard to have AF arrive.
As we continue this journey I am trying to keep the positives in mind. My LP was 12 days this month, even though I spotted on day 12. I am getting closer to being able to ride all the rides at Disney. I have twelve more months to plan for my 2011 baby.
We knew quickly that we were right for each other and often talked about having children very soon after getting married. Mr. Planner Bud had really wanted me to get pregnant before our wedding, but we agreed to wait until the spring of 2010 to begin TTC. This plan didn’t last very long; during our honeymoon, we decided we wanted to start as soon as possible and have a family by the end of 2010. However we ended up having to wait until January of 2010 because Mr. Planner Bud’s job was hit by the bad economy and it took him a while to find a new one.
Even though we couldn’t begin TTC, I began charting and realized I had a shorter LP (about t 10-11 days), so I began taking B6 daily with my prenatal to try to make it a little longer. When we starting TTC in January, I was sure I would be pregnant right away and began planning my summer. I let my friend know that there was a good chance I would be visibly pregnant at her July wedding, and I researched all the things I would have to stay away from during our anniversary trip to Disney in August. However, cycle 1 came and went with no BFP. I was heartbroken, but figured a couple cycle was fine. I just completed cycle 3, and even though both Mr. Planner Bud and me were sick at some point during the cycle, it was still hard to have AF arrive.
As we continue this journey I am trying to keep the positives in mind. My LP was 12 days this month, even though I spotted on day 12. I am getting closer to being able to ride all the rides at Disney. I have twelve more months to plan for my 2011 baby.
January 26, 2010
Nature Bud Plants a Seed - An Introduction
Photo credit
From the earliest days of our dating history, Mr. Nature Bud and I have been talking about how excited we are to someday be parents. He’ll coach Pop Warner football. I’ll come up with crazy cooking activities, like make-your-own colored ravioli night. We’ll take our Little Nature Bud hiking and camping all over New England, showing them the wonders of the outdoors before they even know what being dirty means. They’ll ski before they enter school, and always be warm with love and happiness. When we talk about it, our eyes glaze over with hope and excitement. And now that the time has finally come, we can barely contain ourselves with the dreams of a future family taking seed. We see it as a fantastic adventure, and can’t wait for the ride to begin!
We got married in July 2007, and right around the time of our 2nd anniversary, we decided to toss the birth control in the trash. It wasn’t something we’d been planning a long time, more just a feeling that the time had come to move on to our next step in life. Those first few weeks of baby-dancing with no barriers were exhilarating and exciting – just knowing that we could be creating a little life together.
We went at it “sorta trying” to avoid through the fall, and come December decided to attack this beast head-on. I’ve been charting since July, and used OPKs and intentional timing in December, but no BFP yet. We’re optimistic and hopeful that when the time comes, a Little Nature Bud will start to bloom between us. For now, we’re just enjoying the ride and dreaming together about the family we hope to have.
We got married in July 2007, and right around the time of our 2nd anniversary, we decided to toss the birth control in the trash. It wasn’t something we’d been planning a long time, more just a feeling that the time had come to move on to our next step in life. Those first few weeks of baby-dancing with no barriers were exhilarating and exciting – just knowing that we could be creating a little life together.
We went at it “sorta trying” to avoid through the fall, and come December decided to attack this beast head-on. I’ve been charting since July, and used OPKs and intentional timing in December, but no BFP yet. We’re optimistic and hopeful that when the time comes, a Little Nature Bud will start to bloom between us. For now, we’re just enjoying the ride and dreaming together about the family we hope to have.
January 13, 2010
Makeup Bud Waves Her Brush Hello!
First, I have to give a very warm thanks to Worry Bud for giving me this opportunity to share Mr. Makeup Bud & my TTC journey. I am touched by the community and sense of friendship everyone shares here, I am excited to join in!
Secondly, let me tell you a bit about myself and our journey. Hi! *Waves my Makeup Brush Around* I'm Makeup Bud! How did I choose my name, you ask? Well, I'm a Makeup Artist! I've been doing makeup for almost five years now. I work for one of the world's leading makeup companies as well as owning my own business doing makeup. This is the type of career that I never saw myself in. In fact, I have my BA in Psychology. I absolutely love being a makeup artist and helping women (and men!) look and feel their best!
Mr. Makeup Bud and I have been together since July 2001. We met while working together at Arbys in high school. This past summer, we got married on our 8 year anniversary. Our world was shocked when we found out the week of our wedding that we were expecting. Here's where our journey to starting a family begins.
The morning we got our first BFP was the day of our Rehearsal Dinner. After the shock and excitement, Mr. Makeup Bud said, "We can't tell anyone." Confused, I asked, "What?!" He reminded me that we are getting married in a matter of four days and we cannot lay this on our family right now. It'll just be too much. We need to get through the wedding, enjoy our honeymoon in Jamaica, and we can share the news when we get back. This was when our naivety was at its best, for our only concern was stressing our family out - not a single thought of loss or complication in our future.
So, we did just that! I told my closest friends that were in our bridal party so that they could steer my drinks in the right direction (they went so far as to pour my ENTIRE bottle of Malibu Rum out and fill it with Sprite!). But other than that, we kept it silent. Our wedding came and went, and coincidentally the only time I had morning sickness was on our wedding day.I woke up that morning to Mr Makeup Bud's text message that read, "How's my lovely bride-to-be and my little bean?" ... "Bean is making me siiiiick :( " I said. And from there on, it was hustle and bustle the rest of the day.
Baby Makeup Bud, in her short life, got to enjoy the beaches and waters of Montego Bay, Jamaica; She got to climb a 1000ft waterfall with Mommy & Daddy Makeup Bud, and enjoy all of the virgin strawberry daiquiris Mommy wanted. When we first got to our resort in paradise I remember walking the beach right in front of our room and exclaiming aloud, "I have everything I've ever wanted!" At that moment in time, I did. Time seemed to creep along, slowly and peacefully on the island, which I appreciated.
The moment we got back from Jamaica, I couldn't wait to tell our parents about our little secret. The next day we went to our first OB appointment. We were only about 6 weeks 6 days along so it was a little early to hear a heartbeat - or so the Nurse said. So we scheduled another appointment for two weeks later, and off we were with our sonogram photo and a happy feeling. We told our parents that night while having them over for dinner.
Two weeks later, at 8 weeks 5 days, we took my mom to our ultrasound to hear the heartbeat. She was very excited to be a grandma and couldn't sit still in the waiting room. As soon as we started the ultrasound, I knew something was wrong. The Nurse was taking photos of every part she could. My uterus. My tubes. My cervix. When Mr. Makeup Bud realized this, he asked, "So....... where's the heartbeat?" The nurse said she was having trouble finding it and scooted out of the room quickly.
You guessed it, we lost her (technically there wasn't a sex yet of Baby Makeup Bud, but I knew in my heart it was a girl). Baby Makeup Bud never even developed a heart, let alone have a heartbeat. She only measured 6 weeks along. I scheduled our D&C for the next day. My body showed no signs of taking care of things naturally.
Please join me on our journey of TTC After a Loss, and everything that comes with it. I do appreciate your sensitivity and if you actually got through my entire introduction - cookies for you!
December 28, 2009
Intro-Sassy Bud
Hello, I am Sassy Bud. Mr. Sassy Bud and I have been married for 3 ½ years, and together for over 10 years. We are both in our late 20’s & work full-time. I’m in my second year of law school along with working as an auditor & staff accountant, so needless to say life can get very hectic around finals week.
Our TTC journey began in February of 2009. We had originally planned on my stopping BCP’s in October of 2009 so that we could time the baby’s arrival between tax season and football season- oh, how naive I was! Last January we decided that I would go off BCP’s in February since I had my annual appointment scheduled with my ob/gyn. I figured that would be the perfect time to have our pre-TTC discussion. My ob/gyn said I was healthy, gave me the basic TTC advice (PNV’s, and BD every other day around day 14 of your cycle) & well wishes and sent me on my way. As far as the timing issue- since I assumed I would be PG right away, of course- we decided that there is never an “ideal” time and even with the best planning, things can happen that are out of your control. So, we were going for it! I had visions of morning sickness and baby showers and how I would announce my pregnancy to all of our family and friends.
So here is a brief timeline of my journey so far:
· February-May: Regular 30ish day cycles. I wasn’t paying too close of attention, it was still early. I didn’t see any reason to be concerned, I know it can take time.
· June-August: I had one really short cycle (21 days or so) and then a few that were definitely longer, around 5-6 weeks each. This is when I really started doing more research. I needed to understand what was happening with my body. Fortunately, this is when I stumbled upon some online forums regarding charting. Surprisingly, I had never heard of it before.
· September: By this point, I’m in the middle of another weird cycle and I’m sick of wasting HPT’s and seeing BFN’s. It’s time to do something about this! I decided to start charting the next cycle.
I was content to wait until my February 2010 appointment before I started to be concerned, I can be patient. Patience is definitely one of my better qualities. I was not concerned- until I started charting. At first, it was so exciting to see my temperature in the morning. I was using OPK’s to backup my temperature observations. I tried charting my CM also, but it was basically non-existent. So, I faithfully put in my temperature each morning, and waited for FF to give me the great news- that I ovulated! My first crosshairs were so exciting. And then they were gone. Another week went by, another set of CH’s had come and gone. Eventually I realized my body wasn’t “normal.” This was not as easy as it seemed for everyone else that I know that got PG right off BCP or on “accident.”
Fast forward to now, December 2009. We are closing in on the magical one year mark of TTC before they decide that you may have other issues or need some help with the baby-making process. As of today, I am on CD 80-something. I just finished a 10 day Rx for Provera, although judging by my temps, I’m not so sure it is working the way it should. At the appointment to get the Provera, the doctor said she wanted me to get an ultrasound to see if we can pinpoint a specific problem. She also ordered bloodwork to check my hormone and thyroid levels, and I am still waiting for the results.
So that is where I am at today. I feel like I am further from having a baby than I was a year ago, but I am definitely more informed.
I hope to have some more information about what is going on after my ultrasound tomorrow.
~Sassy Bud
December 21, 2009
Nerdy Bud, the Complete Newbie
Hi, my name is Nerdy Bud and I’m, well, I’m a nerd. I’m the newbie over here at Bloomin’ Babies, in more ways than one. Let me explain:
This is my first cycle TTC. Yes, I’m brand new. I’ve ordered TCOYF but it hasn’t come in yet (that pesky holiday shipping schedule, you know). I haven’t even started charting. (I know I need to!) All we’ve started is the fun part…you know… the fun part… :)
Let me tell you a little about myself and how we got to this point...
I met my wonderful husband, Mr. Nerdy Bud, almost three years ago. He was still in college (he’s older than me, but just took longer to graduate!) and I was working for the local newspaper. Our first date was to the movies. Do you know what that nerd took me to see? 300. Yes, the campy graphic novel-inspired movie about half-naked Spartan men. Talk about romantic. :)
Since then, I’ve seen about a million campy, nerdy movies. But I still love my nerd! I even play along with his nerdy tendencies at times:
This is us, Mr. and Mrs. Nerdy Bud. Yes, we’re wearing Transformers masks.
We’ve been married for just under a year. We had no plans to start TTC right away and decided it would be best to settle in for a bit and get our heads on straight.
But, the baby bug bit me earlier this summer. Both of my siblings have young children (my niece, River, is one and my nephew, Hyrum, was born in September) and I want our children to grow up with their cousins.
This is River, my niece. Don’t you want one of those? I do!
Plus, we’re at that age where everyone we know is starting to get married and have babies. I wanted to be that couple, too!
Mr. Nerdy Bud was very reluctant to start TTC. Sometimes, he’s like a big kid and he told me once that it was hard to see himself responsible for another human being. But, after talking it through (and a little persuading on my part…) he agreed to start trying.
So, here we are! I’m trying my best not to scare him with all of the talk of fertility and ovulating and just have fun with it. I know that’s what he needs.
But what do I need? I need to be able to talk to other girls about my fears, my worries and what’s going on with my body. That’s where you come in. I’m going to need advice, support and sometimes, a shoulder to cry on. I’ll be here for you, too.
So thanks for listening to my story. I’m so excited to begin this journey and I can’t wait to see where we end up!
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