CD16

Well, nothing too much to report on. FF shows that I O'd on CD12 - Monday the 9th. (Today is Friday the 3th) At the time, I had gotten a postive OPK on that Sunday the 8th. On that Monday morning, I got a negative OPK and a Peak reading on my CBEFM. I really do think I O'd that day b/c I got a pain in my left ovary that only lasted for about 10 secs. We BD'd at about 10pm on Monday night. I really really hope we didnt do it too late- considering eggs "could" only last 12 hours. Please pray that we timed it perfectly.

-Buckeye Bud

Nearly 2 Years TTC & I'm Sick of Being So Sad

Sorry for the delay in writing recently, I just haven't been feeling it. Nothing to report on.....ever. Same song and dance with me feeling sorry for myself. It get's so old. I just want to be happy again. I'm tired of thinking about TTC. I would love to go to the doc and get back on my anti-dep's but if I'm TTC that's a no-no. Sigh....

My CBEFM didn't really help me out and my FF is confused as hell. I got a "Peak" reading on the CD 12 and 13. My understanding was that I was supposed to do the BD on those days and the days prior to the Peak reading. I still dint know if this is right, but according to FF I didn't OV until CD15 (and that's after dismissing 2 readings b/c i took them at 10am rather than 6am) Needless to say, it didn't work.

I've also noticed, that my body isn't waiting the full 15 days for AF to arrive (if I'm OV'ing when I think I did). It's always 12-13 day leutal phase. I have tons of the Progesterone beads my RE gave me, but I really dread those things. Has anyone ever tried the Progesterone cream they sell at CVS or Walgreens. That seems much simpler. I know that if your leutal phase doesn't last long enough it's considered a defect. Which really wouldn't surprise me......I'm jacked up in so many other ways as it is. Does anyone have this??

I am still on 1500mg's on my Glumetza (Metformin). I took 2 before bed time last night and I haven't been sick this morning. So, as long as I eat a meal tonight for dinner I will take a total of 4 today. On a better note, I feel as if this stuff is finally starting to work on my hormones. My face is clearing up wonderfully and I can I only have 1 pimple!!!! This is so effing exciting since there hasn't been a day in the past 11 months where I have had less than 10! Unfortunately, my face has been left with SO many scars. I wear a pound of makeup to cover, but knowing my skin is destroyed makes me sad. Anyone have any suggestions on treatments for this that wont add any extra oil to my face??

Anyways, today is my CD 5 so I will begin my CBEFM again 2morrow. I'm skipping the Femara this month just b/c. Please pray for me that I am given a gift this month.

-Buckeye Bud

Tomorrow, Tomorrow.....

It's only a day away!!

I jinxed myself in my last blog when I wrote that the first week on BCPs flew by because the second week took F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

Tomorrow I'll return to my RE to see if my BCPs have shrunk the cyst. It needs to be less than 12 mm for us to proceed safely. I'm so scared and anxious. Mr. Bossy & I have waited to move on since December, and I'm not a very patient person.

My nephew will be making his debut in a couple of weeks. My SIL told me yesterday that she'll probably be induced the week after Easter since he's getting bigger and she has such a small frame. It's funny how two months ago, I was super excited about being an aunt. I was getting used to the situation. Still extremely jealous, but getting more and more excited. I spoke with my SIL about our FET plans, and she couldn't have cared less. That broke my heart. With our "bump in the road", I've noticed myself slipping back to my old feelings. I feel like things are just not working out for Mr. Bossy and I, and I often throw myself a pity party.

Something else I've noticed about myself is I'm no longer as open about our infertility and doctor business with family and friends. I never told the world, but I shared with certain people. Recently, I've been keeping pretty quiet. I figure if people want to know, then they'll ask.

I'm going to close this blog with a song that I know we can all relate to. Grab some tissues.






Bossy Bud

Sittin' Tight.

Not much to say....


I've been on my new BCPs for a week now. Thankfully, this past week flew by!! I'm really hoping that this next one does the same.

I return to my RE's office on April 2nd to see if the cyst has shrunk. Until then, I've been keeping busy with projects around the house. I LOVE Piterest! Is anyone else as addicted as I am? :)




Bossy Bud

I Love You Snooki. I Hate You Snooki. I Love You Snooki.

Sorry I havn't posted in a while. I've just been really down lately. There are so many lucky women announcing their pregnancies that it just makes me feel so hopeless. I'm pretty sure I counted 13 women on my FB in the past three months makes their announcements. EVEN FRIGGIN SNOOKI IS KNOCKED UP (for the record, I effing love her)! It's bittersweet. I can't imagine living a life where this wasn't on my mind 24/7.

Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy that these women can experience this joy. But I sometimes imagine what my life would be like if I knew for sure this was never going to happen for me. And to be honest, it really does mess with your will to live. I'm a woman and it's my job to make and raise babies and the thought that this may never happen kills my spirit. But I won't give up....the hope is all I have to hold onto. On paper, it seems I have so many things worked out. My 4 pregnancy losses have been explained (so they say). But then in the back of my mind those aren't concrete answers so I'm left thinking.....what if these reasons weren't what caused them like they think.

My PCOS being discovered gave me hope for a minute. But then it faded because I study my Fertility Friend Chart probably 10X a day. It was my understanding that with PCOS a lot of women don't ovulate. Which is why I thought I wasn't getting KU. But According to my OPK's and several of my charts I do show that I ovulated (temp spike). That then leads me to think that maybe my hormones are saying I ovulated but the egg was never actually released. Then I start thinking, "well maybe it's Mr. BB!" Or maybe it's my CM. Maybe the consistency is off! AHhh what a mess I have going on inside my own mind. I need out.....but a break is not even an option in my world.

So that's where I'm at emotionally. Physically, I'm doing so so. I am currently on my 4th week of Glumetza (Metformin). I am at 1500mg each day and I'm not sure when I will be able to add in another 500mg. Week 1 was fine with 500mg. Then on week 2 I started at 1000mg. That's when I started to get insanely nauseous and my appetite dimished. I got brave 10 days later and started the 1500mg. I still feel nauseous but not as badly as before. I've noticed that about an hour after I eat (no matter what I eat) I feel SO hungry again. WTF?! I thought this was supposed to help me lose weight?! Nothing at all sounds good to eat but then I'm starved at the same time. This is bullshit if ya ask me. I'm hoping it's just a temporary side effect and will go away once I hit 2000mg's a day. We'll see.

Here are some of my other updates:

CD 3-7 I took my fertility med Femara (alternate to Clomid) each day for these 5 days.
CD 8-9 ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor stated Low Fertility.
CD 10- ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor stated High Fertility. Increase in CM. Did the BD.
CD 11- ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor stated High Fertility. Increased CM. Positive OPK.

I feel well equipped.....so beat it AF.....I don't wanna see your ugly mug anymore for a while! However, if that bish does decide to come this month, I have plans to get some PreSeed Sperm Friendly Lubricant. I get SO burnt out on the BD by day2 that my poor vajay get's tired! (LOL...sorry TMI). Maybe then Mr.BB's little swimmers will be more apt to hang around for a longer period of time up there. THEN, in 2 months, if that doesn't work, Mr. BB has to throw in the towel, swallow his pride, and go get tested himself. In the meantime, I will continue to take my synthetic folic acid, 81mg of Asprin, Glumetza, and my NeevoDHA prenatal.

So that's where I'm at and that's our plan Stan. I'll keep everyone updated on this CBEFM and if it matches up with my FF chart.

CD23

So today is my CD23. No reason to think I am preggers. My tatas have been sore the past couple of days but that has been happening the past couple of months after I O (or think I have O'd). I had some cramps 2 days ago (7dpo) but I have nothing to blame it on. Here is my current chart:

As you can see, nothing spectacular. Trying to compare my chart to the past few months charts, I havn't really noticed any trends or patterns. I'm not supposed to start my period for another 6 days and my temp is dropping already. Not sure what to make of that.

Tonight I begin my new dosage of Glumetza. 1000mg's for the next 7 days. I have yet to have any side effects of the 500mg's I've been on for the past 7 days. But I have been sure to only take the meds after a meal just as my Endo advised. Hopefully I will avoid the side effects entirely.

I keep trying to tell myself that my situation is only going to be downhill from here. I'm getting this PCOS under control. And I've got my MTHFR mutations taken care of with my new NeevoDHA prenatal. I'm just praying this will happen for me and Mr. BB this Spring.

That's all I have for now.....will post updates if they come.

It never hurts to ask.

It's shocking how much infertility can cost. Especially when your insurance doesn't cover it.

Mr. Bossy and I are OOP for all infertility procedures. Fortunately, my hysteroscopy was covered by insurance due to my PCOS diagnosis, and I do receive free metformin from our local grocery store's pharmacy because of their fight against diabetes. But nothing else is covered. Florida BCBS just doesn't have it in their plan.

We knew this when we began our journey, and we've been blessed with a generous family. We went with the Attain Program that works exclusively with our clinic. We paid $15,700 for four attempts (two fresh and two frozen). Meds for our first fresh cycle amounted to almost $3,000! Our RE is positive that one of our attempts will result in our take home baby.

After the d&c, Mr. Bossy and I returned to see our RE to discuss the FET protocol. As we were leaving, I spoke with the receptionist to pay for our visit (Insurance does cover for me to see a specialist. My co-pay is $40 per visit). The receptionist told me that we had a previous unpaid balance. [ I remembered receiving a statement in the mail from the clinic a few weeks prior with an amount that I didn't agree with. At the time, I called the billing department and spoke with someone in charge. She agreed that something wasn't adding up, and she would have her boss look over my account with a "fine-toothed comb."] I relayed the information to the receptionist, and she told me that the amount had become larger due to insurance not covering the entire d&c. Everything totaled to almost $500. I was livid. The receptionist was really nice, and told me that she would write a note on my account to have the billing department call me again. I did NOT pay the full amount that day. I had some calls to make.

I called my insurance company to question the amount that was not covered. I'm typically a very go-with-the-flow kind of person. I do what I'm told, and I don't rock the boat. Infertility costs have changed me entirely. I wanted to know why I owed such a large amount. A d&c is not infertility. Fertile women have miscarriages all of the time. I needed answers.

I spoke with a representative from BCBS. Now- with all of my anger, I was still able to be polite. I realize that the person on the other end of the line is not personally responsible for any mistakes that were made and being nasty to them isn't going to help the situation. I explained that I didn't understand the amount that I owed and it was more than I had expected to pay. The woman from BCBS was SO nice. As I explained our IVF and d&c, I began to cry. She completely understood, and she worked feverishly to find out why my coverage was denied. It took some time on the phone, but she agreed that insurance should have covered the entire procedure, and I should have only been charged my co-pay - $40! She submitted the claim to be re-reviewed and told me it would be about 30 business days until they made a decision. I told the representative that she was officially my new best friend!

The anesthesiologist had also charged me too much, and BCBS submitted that claim to be reprocessed. I was walking on air!

Yesterday- I received a new statement in the mail from BCBS saying that they had reprocessed my claim. I, now, only have to pay $40! When in doubt, it never hurts to ask!





Bossy Bud

Long Awaited Answers

I'm not sure I had ever been more excited to go to the doctor than I was today. Hold on, I take that back. Baby 1's 1st ultrasound was the most exciting moment of my life until I found out I had miscarried. But any who, I went to the endocrinologist today and met one of the most amazing doctors I have ever had the privilege of directly dealing with. After going over my recent blood work and all of my symptoms (which includes severe facial acne, facial hair (blonde, thank GOD), oily skin, irregular cycles, high testosterone levels, and infertility) she was able to diagnose me with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome)!!!

It might sound crazy but I could not be more excited to finally have someone confirm with me that there IS something wrong with me hormonally. In June of last year I had a dermatologist tell me that my acne was due to hormones. In August I had an acupuncturist tell me many of my symptoms were hormonal (excessive sweating and body heat) I wasn't sure how to approach my RE about this so it kind of just sat in the back of my mind. I certainly wasn't as educated about the reproductive system as I am now, otherwise I would of spoken up about it.

So, rather than Metformin, which is what most women seem to be treated with, my Endo chose to put me on the brand name GLUMETZA. Unlike immediate-release metformin, GLUMETZA is released slowly and steadily over several hours. This delay in the release of the medicine may result in fewer stomach-related side effects, such as nausea, in the 1st week of taking the medication. She wants to get me up to 2000mg a day, so here is my future dosing schedule:

Week 1: 500mg 1x day
Week 2: 1000 mg 1x day
Week 3: 1500 mg 1x day
Week 4: 2000 mg 1x day

She also advised she would like me to reduce my carbohydrate intake to less than 120g daily and my protein up to 60g daily (at least). She says that will boost my weight loss since I'm currently at a standstill after losing 20lbs.
**Also, She said that my initial weight gain is what actually brought the PCOS to the surface. Since I have been off of BC since April 2010, the weight gain triggered it. And even after losing the 20lbs it won't completely go away. It has actually made it worse for some strange reason. It gets worse each and every week.

SO, my other good news involves my 2 MTHFR gene mutations, which my Endo happened to know a lot about. For those who don't know what this is......it's a blood disease that deals with blood clotting and the inability for my body to metabolize Folic acid. She explained that the Folic acid that I currently have a prescription for (1mg 2x daily) is considered synthetic Folic acid. She wrote me a prescription for NEEVO DHA. This is a prenatal that also contains L-Methlyfolate, nature’s active form of folate as found in leafy green foods. L-methylfolate is superior to synthetic folic acid. Several months ago one of the BB Blog readers commented on my post about this so it has always been in my mind. And to my surprise today my Endo mentioned this so I became pretty excited. This will be taken in place of my existing Pre-Natal 1x daily. On a side note, she did tell me that these mutations were most likely the cause of my 3 miscarriages (not the 1 tubal though). No one has yet to tell me that (not even my RE) so it was such an amazing feeling to hear that news. Nearly 2 years I have been waiting to hear that.

If you also unfortunate enough to have 2 mutuations of the MTHFR gene and would like additional information, here is the brands website:
http://www.neevodha.com/

Well, that is all I have for now, I will be very surprised if many make it through reading this entire posting. If you do, I much appreciate it :) So I end this cold rainy day with hope in my heart. Sad songs didn't sound so sad today, and my optimism is at the highest it has been in a very very long time. Please keep me in your prayers that I will soon get my baby back. I know he is up there waiting for me to bring him back down :) Let's hope the 5th time's a charm!!

No News Is.......Well......No News

I feel as if I havn't blogged in a while so here I am. Nothing too much to report though. I did get my appointment set up with the endocrinologist. They sent me my paper work and set up an appointment for April. Wait.....April? Yeah, pretty stinking ridiculous. I ended up calling them couple days later so I could be added to a cancellation list. It worked because I got a phone call yesterday saying they could see me this upcoming Tuesday. I'm sooooooo excited! I feel like this might actually give me some of the answers I've been looking for for so long. This journey began in September 2010 and it feels like 10 years ago. After 3 miscarriages, 1 ectopic pregnancy, and now infertility, I am so ready finally get my baby.

I know this might sound crazy, but I am praying for a PCOS diagnosis. I have almost ALL of the symptoms so I hope the blood work I get will show my hormones just aren't right. My testosterone was high about a month ago so I hope it hasn't gone back done, otherwise I'm afraid they wont give me any med's.

I got a positive OPK tonight. I figure we will do the BD for the next 3 days just in case. I hasn't worked the past 4 months so it's a long shot that it would work this month. I havn't started using my CBEFM yet. I wanna wait until my hormones are perfect before I use those expensive test strips!
Here is my current chart. I have FF so confused. Check out how many fertile days it has me set at! My cycles are so jacked right now!

Well, that is all for now. I will post again this week after I see my Endo. Cross your fingers for me! Oh, and a HUGE shout-out to Diva Bud for her AMAZING news! Congrats girl.....you deserve it!

CD2 & A Chance of PCOS

Well, no BFP this month. AF arrived yesterday 1 day early. I knew it wasn't gonna happen. Something just didn't see right. I've had that feeling the past 4-5 months actually. My face has been sooooooo broken out. And now its so scarred up I have to wear 3lbs of makeup. I'm totally overweight although I did loose 20lbs last summer. (I'm currently 5'3 and 175)

My cycles have varied so much recently in regards to the length. So after reading a lot on our blog and my google OCD, I found that I have almost all of the symptoms of PCOS. So, I went to my family doc for my routine physical and had her check my testosterone and free testosterone. My free testosterone came back at 4.7 (norm is 0.2-5.0pg/mL) and my Total Testosterone came back at 50 H (norm2-45 ng/dl).

So that shows my testosterone is too high, just as I suspected. So today I had an appointment with my regular OB who agreed that I have most of the symptoms (some I didn't care to list on here). She referred me to an endocrinologist. It could be 2 months before I can get to meet with them :( But this does give me some hope. We spoke of the Metaformin (spelling?) and my hopes are that they will put me on this. Other option would be BCP, which I obviously do not want.

I just pray that this gets squared away soon. I'm 28 years old and acne should be the last of my worries. But it has led me to the answers I have been questioning since I got off BCP 3 years ago.

To my fellow buds......was it hard to get a diagnosis for PCOS? How do you like the metaformin? Does it control your symptoms??

18 DPO and nothing :-/

I have continued my routine... Wake up, temp, go about my day. This morning was no different. FF suggested that I temp today since I have 18 temps above cover line, so I did. The result was depressing, and in words: "Not Pregnant". Almost 97% of women get a BFP before 18 DPO... What are the chances that I am part of that 3.something%?! At this point, I don't know what to do. AF is nowhere in site, and I have run out of patience. I think I will cave and make an appointment with my OB/GYN to have some blood work done, and maybe an US.

I have been trying to do everything right... We timed BD down to almost a science, and had lots of it, I temped (and continue doing so), I used OPKs, I have been taking prenatals and continuing my metformin. Not to mention I have had a couple of symptoms, such as nausea, gas, the occasional dull cramping/pulling feelin in my lower abdomen/pelvic area. So what gives? Cause something's gotta give... Somewhere? :-/




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

On the 17th day of temping, my BBT gave to me...

A 97.33! Holy moly! This marks 17 straight days of temps above the cover line. Apparently, 18 days CAN mean pregnancy. But, one thing I have learned about this process is, A LOT of things can mean that I am KU. Therefore, I am going to stay positive while not keeping my hopes up, if that's possible.




FF advises that I test on Wednesday, and that's probably what I'll do. Wednesday will be 19 DPO. FF also predicts that AF will arrive any day from today on... So we shall also see if she decides to show up or not.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The frustration sets in...

16 DPO, no sign of AF and nothing but BFNs. When will I get a break?

I am standing at a crossroad, but I am at a stand-still. I wish SOMETHING would happen. I wish that I could either get the BFP I have been waiting for, or have AF show up already, so I can move on with this TTC process. Obviously, I would LOVE for it to be the option including a BFP... But I rather something happen than just sit here waiting. I am beyond 2 weeks, and getting anxious. In addition, I only have one CBED left, which I plan to save until mid week, if temps stay high, as they have. Take a look at my chart:



I haven't completely lost hope... After all, many women get late BFPs after multiple BFNs. I just hope that I am one of them :-/

According to FF, AF is due tomorrow... So the waiting game will continue.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

In it to "win" it

Today is CD 37, 15 DPO (as per FF), and so far, no sign of AF. My temps have remained high, too, so that is also a good sign, I guess.



Today's weird symptom? Well, while I was brushing my teeth, when I spit into the sink, there was a substantial amount of blood, which was strange. I used to bleed a bit when I brushed, but I switched to a new tooth paste (crest pro-health) and stopped having that problem. Today, all of a sudden, I was spitting out a lot of blood. I used the creat rinse I use, and it stopped, but it was a bit strange. I have read a bit about bleeding gums in early pregnancy, but I don't know if this can be attributed as a sign. Has anyone else had a similar "problem"? I was also SUPER sleepy last night, like by 8:30pm I wanted to go to sleep... But I made myself hold out until 11-ish. I also slept a lot last night and I feel like going back to sleep.

I am holding out on testing until AT LEAST tomorrow. FF says that AF is due to arrive Tuesday. Hopefully this is pretty accurate since I took time to input all my previous cycle data from Period Tracker.

In the meantime, staying positive :)




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

14 DPO and still in the game...

With a BFN that is :-/ this is so frustrating. I am not even getting a faint line with FMU on a FRER :( and my temps have stayed pretty high. I only dropped .22 today. Take a look:




And one thing is for sure, my chart this time looks better than this old chart from about late September/early October 2010...




I need to become a triple threat... Recordimg BBT, OPK and CM. Or, I'll just go to the IF clinic and stop pushing something that I just can't do successfully on my own :-/ F you, IF!!!!! :(




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Up and down we go...

Where we stop? Nobody knows!!!!!

Take a look at this mornings temp...



97.24!!!!! Well, of course with a temp like that, I simply had to POAS, on this fine 13 DPO morning. And this was that result:



The pamphlet said that this is caused by not laying the test stick flat after testing (check), too little pee (check) or too much pee (definitely not the case). I just seemed to have a bit of a hard time aiming this morning, and I was holding the test, looking at it, so I didn't put it down... :-/ and now this means that I need to run out and buy ANOTHER test, because I know I will NOT be able to wait until Saturday to test again, and I only have 1 test left (the CBED kind).

So, I guess it is what it is. Hopefully I will have a better update later today... ::fingers crossed:: :)




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Still in the game... But how much longer? :-/

This morning, my BBT dropped a little more... And it's not making me too happy.

I haven't slept much the last two nights, so I don't know if I should blame the drop on the lack of sleep or on this cycles impending doom... Hopefully it's related to the latter :-/ I read that lack of sleep can make your BBT drop, and I did only sleep about 5hrs or less last night and the night before. Thankfully, tonight I'll be able to get some sleep.

I felt as if my breasts were a bit sore today, and they actually looked particularly huge this evening... I haven't had much cramping or anything else, so now it's just a waiting game.

I may test again tomorrow morning, using my 2nd to last CBED test. Let's hope it's good news :) I really hope that I get a BFP this weekend... Especially since lately there's baby talk, and women getting pregnant all around me. I just found out that a co-worker of mine is KU. Hopefully it'll be my turn soon. Mr. DBud is hopeful, so I guess I will be too :)




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

(im)patiently waiting...

I should get a t-shirt that says, "leave me alone, I'm in my 2WW". Seriously :-/

I am currently 11DPO, on CD33, and going mad... I much rather be left alone to obsess over other charts, and obsess over my symptoms, and to just... I don't know... THINK!

Here is what my chart did today...



Still up there, but I don't even know if this means anything. I have been obsessing over the chart galleries on FF, and so far things look good... But I won't know for sure until a few more days when I am later in my 2WW, and even beyond it.

My cycle before the MC was 35 days, which means AF would be due in 2 days.. But since then it has been so whacko that I have no idea what to expect. I will definitely wait a couple or days (again) before POAS. I only have 2 CBED tests left, and don't want to "waste" them.

Now, to wait until tomorrow's temp :-/



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Stairway to Heaven?

Well, I am currently 10DPO, and my chart is doing this:



I don't know if this is a good sign or not, but I browsed the chart gallery on FF again, and compared mine to charts resulting in pregnancy belonging to women with similar issues to mine, and so far things look promising. My temps have stayed up, and have only continued to gradually rise. Not that this is the deciding factor on whether or not I'm KU or not... I guess we'll just have to wait and see!!!

As you can see, I haven't been able to resist the urge to POAS... No BFPs yet, but definitely hoping for a BFP soon!!! Thankfully I have a pretty crazy week ahead, so it should go by fast while being relatively distracting. This still won't keep me from obsessing over every temp and symptom... But it helps (at times).




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

9DPO - the 2WW continues...

Well, I am more than half way through the dreaded 2WW. Temps have remained good, 9 days post ovulation... So I am definitely staying optimistic :) Take a looksie:



I went ahead and purchased a box of CBED and FR, but wasn't able to fight the urge to test, so I have already POAS three times, and seeing nothing but BFNs. I keep reminding myself that it's too early to test... So I have decided to wait until at least Wednesday before testing again. I still have one FR and I haven't even touched the digitals.

I don't want to get my hopes up... I really don't. But I can't help feeling that this really is IT. I hope I'm not wrong.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad