Ultrasound Results = More Waiting

I wanted to pop on and give you all a quick update before Mr. Magnolia Bud and I head for the mountains for a little R&R this weekend.

I had my first ultrasound this morning, and we were able to see a yolk sac and get a CRL measurement. From all the measurements, the embryo is measuring just about 6 weeks (range 5w5d-6w1d). I was able to see the corpus luteum, as well as a pocket of blood on my cervix (that will likely cause more bleeding). I had another beta draw, plus they're going to be testing my progesterone levels with today's blood too. I'm scheduled for another ultrasound next Friday--so until then, we wait with a diagnosis of threatened miscarriage.

Today is a day I really wish I hadn't been charting so I could let myself feel a little more optimistic. Unfortunately, the logic/committed-to-charting side of me isn't letting that happen.

Have a great weekend!

-Magnolia Bud

PUPO, Day 3

It feels so strange that several ladies here were in their 2WW the old fashioned way and just a few days ago I was infertile and eggless and then BAM, I've got a 25-year-old's perfect embryo in my 39-year-old uterus. We are blessed to be able to afford treatments and that a generous young woman was willing to share her eggs with us. Yay for good jobs and modern science!

Technically I'm 8dpo, or 3dp5dt. Now I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I'm experiencing some of the same symptoms I had during my last BFP cycle, so I'm hoping I'm not imagining things! Pardon any TMI in advance but here's what's going on:

• I had the chills the other evening (1dp5dt). I distinctly remember a similar feeling early during my last donor cycle. 
• Increased CM (super fun with my blue estrogen supps) and faint cramping today (3dp5dt). (Last time I noticed the cramping around 7dp3dt).

And I admit that since I have 30+ cheapie hpts, I've started a scientific experiment to see how soon I'll get a BFP. Negative so far, of course. I have a feeling I'll get a good result this weekend.

Fingers crossed,
Golden Bud

Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise

The IVF 2ww is unlike any other.

Not only are you dealing with the regular 2ww type things, but you're actually injecting your body and taking pills with EXTRA hormones to further convince your body what you already know: You're pregnant until proven otherwise. It makes things harder than I can explain.

And, 8dp3dt (= 11DPO) I think I'm hitting the wall.

The past couple of days have been REALLY hard. I keep searching for something to definitively tell me that I'm pregnant or not (short of POAS, because that's not an option). I've cried only a little bit. I tried to get squeezed in at my IF therapist, but she can't fit me in before beta.

I've been positive this whole time. I hardly even thought of the "what if". Now it's all I'm thinking about.

All I can think of is what happened last time. We got the phone call, and my husband came home from work, because he could hear it in my voice on the phone, and he didn't want me to be in the house by myself. And I just cried for HOURS.

That's all I can think about now... is how I was after that phone call.

So, someone give me something to grab onto until beta - because I HATE feeling how I feel right now. I want to go back to 2 days ago, when I was Joe Positive.

I don't like being this scared little girl, hoping that I'm pregnant.

Those 2 nearly perfect embryos... if this doesn't work.... I just can't imagine.