Cross Hairs!

Not really a surprise to see them as I've had some pretty convincing signs that ovulation happened in the last few days (+OPKs, plummeting and then dramatically rising temperature, sex drive went from ridiculously high to non-existent). Still good to see nice solid cross hairs on my chart though. Any sign that my body is doing what its supposed to when its supposed to is a good thing.

I'm currently 3 DPO. I'm going to try and hold out on testing until 10 DPO (Friday, Feb 4th). Hopefully AF holds out until then too. Last month I started spotting at 9 DPO and that's just really cutting the luteal phase a little too short for my liking. I'm hoping it was a fluke post-miscarriage thing as its never happened before. I had some other weird (for me) symptoms in the 2ww last month too, namely really sore boobs (I'm talking wake me up at night painful, ouch!). When I was in for my annual last month, the doc said things like that are par for the course in the first few cycles post pregnancy loss. Last month was Cycle 2 post loss, so I'm optimistic that was the case.

So far I'm doing pretty well in this 2ww. Mr. CB and I had pretty good timing, and knowing we did what we could to up the chances helps. This is the easy part of the 2ww though. No chance the prospective little bud has implanted, so no point in even thinking of testing. I may be singing a different tune a few days from now...when the real mind games of the 2ww begin.

Take care,

Introducing Cactus Bud!

Hi Everyone,

I'm happy to be a part of Bloomin' Babies as I think it's a great idea to show the different paths we follow on the road to becoming a parent.

I'm Cactus Bud, chosen because I'm a recent transplant to Southern California. No shortage of cacti out here! I'm here in California courtesy of Mr. Cactus Buds job with the military. Before moving here, we lived in Virginia, but we're both from New England originally. We knew each other in high school, but were just friends. We started dating around the time of our 10 year reunion. We've been together more than 5 years now, married for about a year and a half of that. As you probably gathered from the numbers I just mentioned, we're in our mid-thirties, which is adding to our desire to start our family sooner rather than later.

I guess our TTC journey began in December 2009 when I went off the pill. Within weeks of that the military sent Mr. Cactus Bud went on a little trip which ultimately led to us living apart for upwards of 8 months. I used the time apart to learn how to chart and to let my body acclimate from coming off the pill. Thankfully my body adjusted to being off the pill quickly, becoming relatively predictable (avg ~29 days) within a couple months. We were reunited in September 2010, and that's where our TTC journey began in earnest.

We got our first BFP at the end of our second cycle trying (November 2010). I hadn't really been charting that month and was pretty surprised as I didn't think we'd timed things well at all. About a week after the BFP, near the 5 week point in the pregnancy, I had a miscarriage. I'm sure I'll discuss the loss more in a future post, so for now I'll just say it was a heart wrenching experience that I hope nobody reading this ever has to have.

I was very lucky in that my body miscarried both spontaneously and completely, allowing me to not need surgery and to TTC again after just one cycle. I was also lucky in that my body didn't miss a beat in getting back to a normal cycle. There have been some changes to my cycle since the loss, namely that I'm apparently ovulating a little later and have a shorter luteal phase. Its apparently pretty common for there to be such changes, and my doctor says the luteal phase length should be fine.

I'm currently in the midst of my second cycle TTC after a loss and am finding it a much different experience mentally than before the loss.

I'm looking forward to sharing this journey with you all.

Take care,

16 DPO

Today is 16 DPO, and my fourth negative pregnancy test.

I know I should rejoice in my freakishly long luteal phase, because when we finally do get pregnant, it's one less thing to worry about, but a 17 day luteal phase is such a TEASE. I get to 15 and 16 DPO, and the "OMG, I'm totally pregnant. I totally am." thoughts start churning out, only to be dashed against the rocks by the next negative test. I'm expecting AF tomorrow, and I've been cramping on and off for the last three or four days, so I'm thinking this may be the end of Cycle 3.

On the one hand, I'm happy for the chance to start over. It's another chance for Baby CB. On the other, the dread over the idea of another cycle nearing triple digits is a bit overwhelming. It would be hard enough to be heading into our eighth month TTC, but knowing that the eighth month will possibly stretch into the ninth, tenth and eleventh month waiting out one cycle, is infuriating.

Adding to that, one of my high school friends just announced her pregnancy. She will be a wonderful mother, and she and her husband are great people, but it was an accident. Somehow the fact that her ovaries are working so efficiently as to push through BCP when mine have the work ethic of a three toed sloth seems a bit unfair.

I understand that this is a pity party. I know that I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But I think all of us do at this point in our cycle, when we know its not going to result in a little one and we're just waiting for AF to show up.

Sigh. Trying to think happy thoughts and remember that God has a plan.

So Glad It's Friday!

I'm so happy it's Friday! This week has been a complete rollercoaster, and today is another dip in the ride.

After another highest-ever temp yesterday, my temp dropped (0.4, but enough to make me think my triphasic pattern will come to an end tomorrow morning). I've only been at this a month, and am already feeling discouraged. I think I mostly feel this way because after four cycles of having 8 and 9 day luteal phases, I made it to DAY 15 today!!! That's a SIX-day increase in LP in one cycle. I can't wrap my brain around what hormonal changes have had to occur in my body this month to make that happen all.at.once. I'm still having crampy twinges and backaches, and crazy fatigue, but the crampiness today feels a little more like my usual AF cramps--just occasionally, and not nearly as intense. I've been doing a lot of reading on Dr. Google (I know, he's not my friend!), and I've only seen reports of greater than 1-2 day LP increases from B6 a handful of times. That doesn't help how I'm feeling--it just adds to my confusion.

On top of my TTC struggles this week, I was traveling for a few days earlier this week for work. It always takes me a couple of days to get back into a routine at home after leaving town, and this week has been no different. Today I realized that we're low on groceries, the laundry has started to pile up, and the house is starting to get messy again. So tonight, Mr. Magnolia Bud and I are going to be a terribly un-fun married couple and get things in order. He always loves nights like this, since he gets stuck with dishes and cleaning up the kitchen :::guilty wife look:::

At least I've defrosted a tasty dinner for us tonight. We're having a beef stir-fry with peppers, broccoli, and some bamboo shoots. If I get another - test tonight, we'll be having wine with dinner too. I think it's needed after this week!

Ladies, do any of you have B6 stories to share? (Especially if B6 caused your LP to lengthen by more than 1-2 days?)

Have a great Friday, everyone!

Love and lots of baby dust--

--Magnolia Bud