Roller Coaster Ride

That is exactly what IF is. It is one long roller coaster ride that I just can't seem to get off of.
High - 20 follicles found on Saturday
Coming down - 15 eggs retrieved
Near the bottom - only 9 (60%) fertilized using ICSI.
Bottom - clinic schedules 3 dt since they have no confidence I will make it to 5 dt.

Well the last part is my feelings. My RE and I have planned on doing a 5dt, but clinic policy is that by day 2 6 embies need to be growing. I really feel as though if the lab had any belief that we could actually make it to 5dt, then they wouldn't schedule anything until the update tomorrow. I am already preparing myself for a fight. I WILL NOT go in for a 3dt. It didn't work the first time and I'm not taking the chances the second time. We are only transferring 2 embies and I really do not care if we have none to freeze. If this cycle doesn't work, then I am moving to a different clinic.

I just feel so beat down. Why can't this happen for us? Why is the doctor saying nothing is wrong when there is obviously sperm and/or egg issues? I will update you ladies tomorrow, right now I am going to cry in my gatorade.

Fert Report In...

First Giving Honor to God he is Awesome...


The Embryologist and I played phone tag today. Turns out they got 20 eggs yesterday after all was said and done. 17 of those 20 eggs were mature and 14 out of the 17 fertilized with ICSI. She believes we will go to a five day transfer on Saturday but she is going to call me back Thursday with another Report!

A wake up call

"Hi, Mrs. Dandelion Bud. It's Nicki from Dr. RE's office. I just wanted to tell you we got all of Mr. Dandelion Bud's blood work back. The genetics are all normal."

On one hand, that wake up call this morning was good news. No hidden genetic issue to worry about as Mr. DB gets older... no genetic issue to pass on to unsuspecting children...

No explanation for our Male Factor Infertility... that's the other hand.

There's nothing we can try to fix. There's no concrete explanation. We're left with conjecture. "Has there been any trauma to the testicles?" Not directly. Mr. DB had a bilateral hernia repair as a child. "Oh, the hernia repair". Only one side was affected, but the surgeon recommended repairing both sides "just in case".

Our RE says science is finding that these hernia repairs are commonly the cause of male infertility, lacking any other diagnosable explanation. One little slip of the scalpel... one surgeon with less than 100% focus... one surgeon not considering his 4 year old patients' future fertility.

And then there is none.

So, now what? Now it's IVF with ICSI.

What will happen is after I go back on months of birth control pills to rest my ovaries and sync to the RE's schedule, I'll get shots. Every day. Painful shots that will stimulate my ovaries to produce bagillions of eggs. Or 12. Whichever. Mr. DB will "provide a sample". They'll pick the best of his and the best of mine, and they'll inject the best sperm into my eggs.

And then we'll wait. And

Short of one careless doctor 30 years ago, we have no explanation for what we're going through. All I know is, while our diagnosis is "MALE" factor infertility, the physical pain is mine. The emotional pain - that belongs squarely to both of us.

FUIF. Really.