Natural.... not: A Birth Story

To the readers of Bloomin’ Babies:

Thank you.

Thank you for standing by me. I was the first infertile to blog regularly here and the support I received from the readers and fellow bloggers was invaluable to my survival. You allowed me to be myself. To vent, to cry, to rejoice and to mourn. With you, I found out I was broken, there was hope, hope was lost, I could have faith, faith could fail me, it actually worked, I lost my twin baby, Smudge could flourish, Smudge was stubborn… and now, finally, Smudge is here.

And SHE is wonderful.

This will be my last post here at Bloomin’ Babies. If you’d care to follow my family’s continuing story, you are welcome to email me and I can send you an invite to our private blog.

But for now – this is how it all went down. The end of a saga, the beginning of a perfect lifetime.

I can’t believe this was 2 weeks ago. It feels like a lifetime ago. Things have been hectic and crazy since delivering our peanut. So, I’m sorry this was delayed at all.

This is Anna’s birth story. I call it “Natural, Not”.

My 40 week appointment was fairly uneventful. My OB wanted to discuss a 41 week induction, because she’d be going out of town, but we decided that we’d simply try every old wives tale in the book, and take our chances with whoever would be covering for her if I didn’t go before then. She was happy with my progress at the appointment anyway. I was at 2cm and 40% effaced.

I did acupuncture that afternoon, step 1 in our 2 step acu-induction process. My acupuncturist gave me a list of things to do to move things along. I decided to do ALL of them. So, for dinner, we planned on a big meal, with some basil, fresh garlic, etc. I cut out the red raspberry leaf tea and was going to go walk the mall, as had become regular activity for me, after dinner.

We went out for dinner to a local hamburger place, and as we were standing up after paying the bill (at 6:45pm), I felt a gush. I looked at Mr. DB and said “um, I have to go to the bathroom – I think my water just broke”. Upon going to the bathroom, there was no question. The rest of my mucous plug (which had been coming out slowly in pieces all week) was in the toilet. My water was clear (thankfully – buying me some time to stay home). I stuffed some toilet paper in my underwear and went back out to my husband. The manager was bussing our table, and I asked her if by any chance she had a maxi pad I could have to get me home, explaining that my water had just broken. We settled on some clean kitchen towels that they wouldn’t need back. And we went home. On the way, I called my doula and my OB to keep them in the loop.

My OB said that if things didn’t get started on their own, she wanted me in the hospital by 6am for a pit induction. Knowing how much I wanted that to happen, my doula recommended that I take some castor oil.

I did.

I won’t do that again.

For a good amount of time, I don’t know what was worse: the abdominal pain or the contractions – but it did get the contractions started, and once they started, they didn’t stop.

Contractions started around 11pm. They were dreadful immediately. (I didn’t know it at the time, but the baby had flipped posterior at some point during the day, and I was having god awful “back labor”.) Fairly quickly they were less than 2 minutes apart, but slowing down if I was lying on the sofa. We called the doula, and she came to the house. For the next few hours she got me through some tough labor. Eventually, we thought I was nearing transition, and the clock was nearing rush hour. With the hospital 40 minutes away, we decided to leave around 6am.

Once we got to the hospital, finding out I was only 4cm was a blow, but at least I was there and 80% effaced.

Things got worse though. Very quickly, the contractions became unbearable. At this point I had been awake for more than 24 hours. My coping mechanisms weren’t really helping; the shower was barely taking the edge off… I eventually asked for a dose of morphine. It did nothing. The contractions were on top of each other with no breaks at all in between. I was only 7-8cm, but 100%. The baby was still high.

At 10:30 I made the decision, and asked for the epidural. I realized that even if I made it to 10cm on my own, I wasn’t going to have enough energy to push. I was exhausted. I needed help.

Once I got the epidural, things were sort of a blur. I was able to get some sleep. By 2:30pm, I was 10cm, and by 3pm, I was ready to push. They turned down the epi, and I was able to push squatting, which was the most comfortable position for me. All together, I pushed for 4 hours. At one point, they did put me on pit, because my contractions were slowing down, and they were hoping to make them more organized and effective.

Right before 8pm, I was still pushing. They could see the top of the baby’s head. Then the decels started. I was completely unaware of them. But the next thing I knew I was on my left side with an oxygen mask on my face and my OB was telling me they had to take her NOW. Within 5 minutes, I was in the OR and at 8:16pm, despite a 21 hour labor and 26 hours ruptured… despite a complete placental abruption (explaining the decels), Anna Renee was born at 8:16pm measuring in at 18 in and 5 lbs 8 oz.

In the Recovery Room

Birth Announcement

Our road since Anna’s birth has been as rocky as the path she took to get here. She has bilateral hip dysplasia, with a dislocated right hip and subluxed left hip. She has to wear a pavlik harness for 6-12 weeks. She’s being seen at CHOP, which is the best place for her. Additionally, the day her daddy went back to work, she choked on some breast milk and is now on an apnea monitor for a month. Lastly, we had our neonatal follow up with the cardiologist. Anna does have a small ventricular septal defect, and we’ll be following up with her again in a month.

So, if you’ve made it this far, please continue to think of us and keep Anna in your thoughts and prayers.

This is Dandelion Bud, signing off.

40 weeks... Yep. Still Pregnant.

So, we had our appointment this morning. Here is a picture of me at the doctor's office at 40 weeks pregnant:

The Good:

Progress! Yay. Last week I was barely 1cm and Dr Loh still had to go in practically up to her elbow to check me. This week I'm 1-2cm and 40% effaced, and she barely had to go in to her wrist. So, cervix and baby are much much lower. She's very happy with my progress. Especially for a first timer. AFI is great. Baby has awesome movement. And like I thought, I have 2 little feet (we saw toes and all) kicking my liver. I keep telling the baby s/he can't get out that way. We'll see if it sinks in!

Oh - and at 40w - my total gain is 19 pounds!! I couldn't be any prouder of myself. I celebrated by coming home and having some dark chocolate hershey kisses and I'll be having pumpkin pie for dessert.

The Bad:

She brought up inducing at 41 weeks. I expected that to happen. The conversation, i mean. I was just hoping to avoid it if there was progress. Her deal: she's a single doctor practice, and I already knew that she doesn't guarantee her availability past 41 weeks. No problem. Based on my history and family history, we had no doubt that I'd deliver early. So much for that. But now it's an issue. I asked her if all signs point to healthy, if she would consider letting me go past 41 weeks. She said she would, but I should know there are 2 days that week she will not be in town, and her coverage would be delivering. I said that of course I'd want her to deliver, but not being induced is very important to me, and we might have to take that chance. At least it's out there now.

The Plan:

Non-Stress Test (NST) at the hospital saturday morning followed by NST and exam in the office on monday.

The Crunchy in me:

I've been thinking for awhile now that maybe the red raspberry leaf (RRL) tea was doing TOO good a job toning my uterus and it was holding the baby in. DH thought that was dumb. Well - i called my acu - who told me to stop the RRL for exactly that reason. So, i'm stopping the RRL as of today, and will start it again post partum for toning. I have a 4oz bottle of Castor Oil which will be my "i've tried everything else, so I have nothing to lose" backup plan (more on that later). I haven't done acu in 2 months for financial reasons, but called her on a whim earlier this afternoon, and went in to start my acu induction. I had a 45 minute session today, and I'll follow it up with another on monday if I haven't delivered yet.

My acu wants me to start drinking peppermint tea (already have it and brewing now), eating dark chocolate (no problem) and garlic (i married a sicilian).

We're going to continue our nightly mall walking and just keep our fingers crossed.

The Inconvenient:

Because I was forced to take FMLA to do IVF (my job sucks), and because i've been out on disability since 32 weeks, my FMLA actually runs out at 41 weeks exactly. So technically, my job can fire me as of a week from today if I don't deliver. On one hand I don't care - because i don't plan on going back there anyway. However, in NJ we have NJFLI, which gives me another 12 weeks of job protection, which I was planning on using to find a new job. I can't apply for that until the day I deliver.

So, right now, we're working on finding out the following:

I know I am entitled to my STD for the 6 or 8 weeks following delivery regardless of when work separates me. So, i'm covered for that period. We're trying to find out, that if my job separates me at 41 weeks exactly, if I can apply for unemployment once the STD runs out. If I can, then we don't have a problem. If I can't, then the last ditch castor oil option happens at 40w5d.

Meanwhile, the intermittent contractions continue and are clearly doing something. PLEASE wish me labor. Even Mr DB is begging baby to come out now... and he's been the one telling Smudge to take his or her time.

Acu - don't fail me now.

Babywatch 2010 continues.....

Three Cheers for Progress!

39 weeks pregnant. Holy cheese and crackers.

I am without a doubt carrying differently this week, and rapidly running out of anything that could be considered "under my belly".

We had our 39 week appointment today, and I was terrified that if there were still no progress Dr Loh would bring up induction - not to schedule - but to start the conversation. Fortunately, it never got to that point... because we have progress!! 1cm, moving anterior and a dropping baby. YAY! I know it means nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me feel a little better. And then after the appointment, I lost my mucous plug and had some bleeding.

I don't know if it's an infertility thing, but seeing bright red blood in the toilet FREAKED me out. My mind immediately went to a bad place. Even though i JUST saw the baby. I know I'm going to have palpitations for the rest of the day every time i go to the bathroom.

We also had a quickie ultrasound to check the fluid levels. Dr Loh said it's not uncommon for IVF pregnancies to have fluid issues towards the end - but my fluid pockets were all great. I may not be able to get pregnant, but my body loves BEING pregnant. Now if only I could get these contractions I've been having to actually stay regular instead of petering out all the time!

And even better than all of that news... i lost another pound. So, now it's 19 pounds for 39 weeks. THAT couldn't make me happier. I'm still well within my goal of 20 pounds for the pregnancy, and that thrills me. Dr Loh and Mr. DB are both really proud of me.

So - we're pretty much at the end. I'm ready. But as ready as I am, I can't help but think about after... i think i'm really going to miss being pregnant. I never thought I would love having a giant santa belly and watching it jiggle like the ocean. Yeah - i hate the back/hip/leg pain, and not being able to get up by myself, but I love this closeness and the feelings that only I can feel. In a couple of weeks this baby goes from being mine to being everybody's.

I can't believe how fast this has gone or how close I am.

Full Term Update

Who'd have thunk it?

Certainly not me.

More than 2 years ago, I had no doubt I wouldn't have any trouble getting pregnant. I was however, convinced that I would have trouble STAYING pregnant. Between my mother, my aunt and my grandmother, there must have been 15-20 miscarriages between them. I was sure I would follow that line.

Then 1 year ago, I was in the midst of what would be my 1st failed IVF cycle and about to sink into a horrible depression.

Who knew that my problem would be GETTING pregnant. Not staying pregnant.

Because apparently, STAYING pregnant I can do just fine.

Which brings me to today.

Despite my AMH. Despite MFI. Despite DOR/POF. Despite MTHFR. Despite 3 fibroids. Despite all of our diagnoses and a failed IVF cycle... and in memory of our lost twin... today I am 38 weeks pregnant.


Full Term.

Holy crap.

Our appointment today was largely uneventful. My cervix remains closed, although softening. Dr Loh can feel and move the baby's head, but she says still not any lower (i'd argue that... i'm rapidly losing anything that could be considered "below my belly"). I mentioned that movement has been very minimal the last 24 hours, so I got a quickie u/s to check our fluid levels (absolutely fine). Smudge is SO big. I can't even believe how big. I remember the days when we could see the whole baby on one screen. Now you can barely see one PART on one screen. It's amazing. The arms are up by his/her face with little fists. Dr Loh says Smudge's tone is great. Knees are drawn up and yep, those are feet in my ribs... crossed at the ankles. Maybe this is a little lady after all... I guess we'll see.

We also did an impromptu non-stress test (NST) to check the heartbeat patterns. So I got to sit on the monitor listening to the most beautiful sound in the world (my baby's heartbeat) for a half hour. It was wonderful. Smudge did exactly what s/he was supposed to do... when s/he wasn't trying to run away from the probe. This kid HATES being monitored in any way. It's really funny. We've been playing chase the baby for 8 months though. Why stop now, right?

Best news of the 38 week appointment. I lost a pound! Yay - go me. So after the 36 week debacle of gaining 4 pounds in 2 weeks, then holding steady at 37 weeks, at 38 weeks I have gained 20 pounds for the pregnancy. I am very proud of myself.

So - that's all for now. I hadn't had any contractions in about 36 hours until tonight, when I had 3 in the last hour... so i'm not holding my breath, but we'll see what happens. I think it's pretty funny that since becoming pregnant, we've thought i would deliver on thanksgiving. I guess we'll see. I did pack my bag the other day. That's surely going to keep me pregnant until 42 weeks. (Unlike if I hadn't packed at all - then i probably would have delivered 2 weeks ago.)

Horray for full term. Hooray for a healthy Smudge. And most of all... hooray for the difference a year can make.

Here at 37 weeks, I'm like the post office....

... delivering the post in the rain, sleet, snow and now even in the face of a completely dysfunctional laptop.

My mother used my laptop the other day. She was waiting for the crib delivery for me while I had an appointment. I thought I was being nice by leaving it all internet ready for her. Ugh. That night it was all over. Thankfully, Mr DB is an IT manager and got right on trying to figure out what was wrong. Initially, my virus scanner found two cookie trackers and a virus, which it scrubbed... but later, a more advanced scanner found traces of a "rootkit", which apparently has some positive connotations, but not in this case.

So, i've now been without my laptop for 2 days. Hopefully I'll have it back by tomorrow morning, because I really need to do some school work.

Anyway, so here's me - on my husbands MacBook. I have no idea how to use this thing, so bear with me!

I know I said I'm like the post office - but in this case, the only thing I'm delivering at this time IS this post. As of my weekly appointment yesterday, my cervix is still closed, but softening. I am taking evening primrose oil twice a day to help that process, but like many of the "wives tales", they're not going to work until your body is ready for them too. And I'm only 37 weeks 1 day. I'm not in a big hurry. Smudge will come when s/he's ready. I've been taking my vitamin C though, to help make sure that my membranes don't rupture before i go into labor. The last thing I want to do is be watching a clock, and be given a limit on how long they'll let my labor go. As long as they stay intact, i'm good to go. Smudge is dropping though. The head is closer to my cervix than last week, so that's a bonus.

Last week was a really disappointing moment for me, when for the first time in my pregnancy, I had an uncontrollable weight gain. In 2 weeks I had gained 4 pounds, which I was horrified about. Until that point, I had been doing REALLY well. I'm blaming it on a number of things.

1. I had finally given in to some cravings, which I hadn't before at all. Oh bread - how I missed thee.
2. I wasn't as good about my water intake.
3. I was drinking a LOT of orange juice.
4. I was eating a bit too much salt.

All of those things combined did not do me any favors on the scale. But I'm THRILLED to report that although I didn't lose weight this week, I also didn't gain anything. So, i'm at 21 pounds for 37 weeks. Not horrible, I don't think. Yes, it's over my initial goal of 20 pounds for the pregnancy, but I think at this point, if I don't go over 25 i've done a really good job.

37 weeks and counting!

Meanwhile, we've been busy trying to get everything ready for the baby in the house.

The nursery is just about done. Auntie DB is coming by on sunday to help me get everything ready while Mr DB finishes a couple of projects that I would like done before the baby comes. But this is where we are right now! I still have a couple of diapers to prep, but I'm going to wait another week. A VERY generous online friend is sending me some diapers, and I'm just going to wait to wash them all together. Check out our nursery so far... we're almost done!!

Story Corner

places to hang out in the living room

diaper central

oodles of prepped diapers

our crib

So, i know this isn't a very exciting update. 37 weeks pregnant. Nothing exciting to report. Taking the EPO to try to help things along. Drinking my Red Raspberry Leaf tea to strengthen my uterus for labor. And waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

I'll leave you with this. It made my day yesterday when we got home from the doctor. In the middle of November, when everything else around it is dead and dying.... the morning after a horrid thunderstorm with damaging winds... this little guy refuses to give up and go. Sticking it out, knowing only the strongest will survive.

Stubborn Dandelion

There's a full moon this sunday.... i'm not saying anything, and I certainly won't be surprised to be just a little more pregnant on monday than I am today. But i'm a big believer in the full moon. So, I guess we'll see!

I demand a recount!

I love my baby. Smudge is going to come out, come hell or high water. If I have anything to say about it, the birth will be med-free and my doula will be a huge source of support for me.

To that end, I specifically requested a 6 1/2 pound child.

I don't think that was out of line - i've been through a lot to get this far, and i figure the least I deserve is a relatively easy birth.

So - to find out today that Smudge (at 35w2d) is measuring about 5 pounds and 12 ounces... well, I almost fell off the ultrasound table. Now, before you start telling me how those measurements can be way off and blahblahblah... yes I know. I'm not completely delusional. However, you also have to remember that IVF pregnancies are frequently monitored a lot more closely, and i've had a LOT of measurements done. Most done by the same sonographer at the perinatologist. So, this isn't just based off of one growth scan. This is based off of many scans in the last 5 months.

I can also tell you that we saw, very clearly, one big fat thigh, when he was measuring the femur today. No chicken legs on this kid. I just hope some of it is in his/her cheeks as well!

35 week 2 day belly shot. We forgot to take one wednesday when I turned.

Anyway - measurement wise, everything looks great. Head is measuring 35w3d, femur 35w3d and abdomen 35w5d. Baby had a full bladder today - but hey - so did mom, so that's fine. Smudge is DEFINITELY head down, but not engaged in my pelvis yet. That feeling in my ribs - i was right - it's not a foot. It's a butt. I kept telling DH it was WAY too big to be a foot. However, feet... straight down - like reverse breech. At least during the u/s when we saw a foot right by Smudge's mouth. Hands were balled up in little fists on either side of the face. But, as I'm typing, they're tapping on my cervix and I have some weird movements kind of on my liver, so who knows where this kid's extremities are now!

So, right now, Smudge is positioned really well. Head down, butt up, and body kind of everywhere. S/he certainly is big enough.

We also picked our pediatrician today. It was a really close contest; there were two that we loved. But it came down to convenience, and one just had better hours and was much closer. So - we're just about ready. Sometime in the next 5 weeks, I'm going to be a mom.

Holy crap.

34 Week Update

8 1/2 months pregnant and trucking along.....

We had a great 34 week appointment with Dr Loh. The best news is that after finally finding and making an appointment with a Webster trained chiropractor and then trying some inversion exercises on Spinning Babies, tuesday night Smudge flipped! We now have a head down, LOA baby!! I know at 34 weeks, anything can still happen - but I'm just so happy right now. I made Dr Loh pull out the u/s to prove to me that the baby was head down. It was awesome. We didn't get more than a peak at Smudge's skull - but it was in the right spot and that's all that matters.

Mr DB keeps laughing at me now... especially when Smudge has a foot in my ribs, which has pretty much been consistent since s/he flipped. My favorites are when I have a foot in my rib and a hand on my cervix at the same time. SO comfortable. He says that Smudge is saying, "how do you like me, NOW, Momma?" Eh - i wanted the flip - so I'm not going to complain. I am, however, going to keep trying to move this foot!

Other good news from the OB's office... at 34 weeks I've gained a total of 17 pounds. At 32 weeks, it was 16. If I can keep this up - i might actually be able to stay at my goal of 20-25 pounds for the pregnancy, which would make me VERY happy.


Mr DB has been doing a great job in the nursery. He built a closet organizer last weekend:

ready for doors!

and hopefully after this weekend, the room will be done and ready for furniture (which is coming next monday). We just ordered some decals for the walls, and I can't wait to start decorating. We have 3 pictures that match the bedding, decals that match the bedding and I found a dandelion decal that I just got permission to order as well - and we're going to get it in a light green called "celadon". At first Mr DB was anti-dandelion decal, saying it's too girly and what if Smudge is a boy. But I think he figured out pretty quickly that I really wanted it! Yay! We're going to put it up in the space to the right of the closet above the wainscoting and have the seeds blowing out up and over the closet to the left (you can order the decal with the seeds blowing in either direction).

we'll have the dandelion facing the other direction and the seeds blowing the other way

So - that's it for now... our next appointment is with the perinatologist next friday. Hopefully we'll get a good look at Smudge then. I can't wait to get a weight estimate.

I can't believe it's almost time to meet this baby that it took us so long to make!

32 week update and baby shower pictures!

I'm sitting here trying to think of something eloquent to type - but I'm too tired and too sick to be creative this morning. Sorry readers! I have a killer sinus thing going on, and add that to Smudge waking me up at 3:30am, my creativity is quashed today.

So - i'll just stick to the facts, ma'am.

And the fact is, I'm 32 weeks pregnant? Um, what? When did that happen? That's just crazy. We had a very uneventful visit this morning with Dr Loh. I'm up a total of 16 pounds for 32 weeks, so that's not too terrible. I'm not happy that the last 2 of them are in the last 2 weeks... but i'm just going to keep eating healthy, like i have been and not sweat it. I'm too freakin' tired to really exercise, so cest la vie. Smudge is finally headed, well, head down! I'm not getting too excited about it though. It wouldn't be the first time Smudge has decided to hang out on a diagonal. So, only time will tell.

It was funny when she was trying to find the heartbeat again - she said "he really wants me to chase him, doesn't he?" I just laughed. S/he kept moving and she would ask me if I felt the movements. You better believe it, sister. This kid HATES the doppler. It cracks me up. Smudge just kept rolling over every time she would focus in on the heart beat. Silly baby.

serious amounts of loot

This past sunday, my mom and sister threw a baby shower for us! We got a ton of loot. We only had 3 major things left to get afterwards: our carseat, the pack and play and the video monitor. Well, the next day I found a 20% off coupon for ALL monitors at BRU, so we went through the stuff that we wanted to return from the shower, and found about $100 worth of things we hadn't registered for. Between that and the coupon, the Slim and Secure Video Monitor only cost us $60. That's not too bad. We also got enough in gift cards that with using a coupon, we'll be able to get the Chicco KeyFit 30 car seat. So, really the only thing left is the Chicco Lullaby LX Discovery Pack and Play... and we're hoping we'll find it cheaper somewhere online.

My (I mean Smudge's) PBK Lambie - plays a heartbeat, nature, rain and whale ssounds. And it's SO soft. And, check out the belly - there's no doubt where the 2 pounds came from now, is there?

Gratuitous picture of me with Smudge's Papagayo Monkey. {{{LOVE}}}

Our awesome Papagayo bedding set (click on the link to see a better picture)

The baby's room is coming along really nicely. Mr DB finished laying the laminate floor, the walls are painted and the wainscoting and chair rail are up. We have to paint the molding and get that on, and then paint the wainscoting and chair rail, and then we'll be pretty much ready for furniture. Awesome. Here's a sneak peek at how hard my wonderful husband has been working:

That's it for now. Hope you're all doing well. Smudge and I are going to sit here, drink our tea and try to get some rest.

Creator of IVF wins the Nobel Prize for Medicine

Article on MSNBC

Bless you Dr Edwards. And Thank You.

Thank you for them.

Embryo on the left is the one we assume to be Smudge. On the right, our baby's lost twin.

It doesn't get much better than this!

Those of you who know me well, might be having the same thought as I am right now.

How on earth is it possible that I am 30 weeks pregnant?!


Well - i may not know how it's possible - but I know that I am. 30 weeks and 1 day pregnant. And yesterday I had the greatest OB appointment of my pregnancy so far. It was the first time I think I left without any doubts or concerns. And I left with a smile on my face.

So - this is how it went....

First - the typical, pee in a cup, blood pressure check and get on the dreaded scale. Except, as much as I dread getting on the scale, there was no reason to be worried. I had only gained 1 pound since my last appointment, making my pregnancy gain for the past 30 weeks only 14 pounds. I'm so proud of myself. Mr DB is proud of me. Dr Loh is proud of me. I'm well on track to gain no more than the 25 pounds I've resigned myself to, even though I originally wanted to stay under 20. It's really hard to be a fat chick with a huge appetite and control your pregnancy weight. But we're doing all of the right things with my diet - and I guess it's helping.

Then I asked a few questions about weird movement that I've been having. One of them feels like a vibration - and I asked her about it. Apparently babies can have the startle reflex in utero. Who knew? Then I mentioned the weird cervix feelings, where it feels like the baby is trying to dig it's way out.

So, she measured my uterus - all is well, and pulls out the doppler. Not long after she pulls out the doppler, she's pulling over the ultrasound machine. Now, she tells me that she just wants to check position, with what I was telling her. But silly nurse that I am knows that she really did it because she couldn't find the heartbeat. She kept getting mine. And i know the difference. I wasn't worried. Smudge had been moving around all day - and I knew the heart was right by my aorta. But it was awesome to get a surprise peek at Smudge, who is too big to even fit on the whole screen anymore! Smudge is transverse, again, surprise. Head on the right, butt on the left and fist in the mouth. And don't forget all the arms and legs hanging down dangling right on my cervix - explaining what i'm feeling.

Then we talked about some other symptoms I've been having - dizziness, cramps, contractions... we talked about my extreme water intake and she wants me to add more electrolytes and even gave me permission to eat a little bit of extra salt. So, i just downed a bottle of Gatorade Natural (thank you Whole Foods). I also got permission to change my PNV to a natural vitamin recommended by a friend, since my prescription PNV is no longer being made.

Oh - and at the end of my appointment, we discussed my ongoing back/hip and leg issues.... and she decided to pull me from work effective as soon as I want to be out. So, even though I'd rather never ever ever go back (ever)... i decided to do the responsible thing and stop working October 8th - exactly 2 months before my due date.

photo credit

I'm SO out of there.

So meanwhile - Smudge is growing strong - and kicking the crap out of me. Tuesday night, we actually were able to watch my belly move for about 15 minutes. We had never seen such exaggerated movement before. It was so much fun to watch. I've been having a lot of contractions, but I still haven't hit her magic number to require monitoring (4-6 in an hour) - so despite contracting all day long, it's never been more than 3 in 60 minutes. Hopefully the electrolytes help.

Work in progress

We've also been working on the nursery almost non-stop. The floor is in, the walls are painted. This week, we're going to put up and paint the wainscoting. It's going to be white. Now I just have to arrange for furniture delivery, which I'm planning for 36 weeks.

So, that's our update for now... 4 shifts left at work. 10 weeks (or so) left of pregnancy. Starting my biweekly OB visits now and hoping to complete my clinical hours for school before the beginning of November. Our childbirth classes with our doula start on saturday, also!! We're really excited.

Smudge is almost here!

27 weeks and all is mostly well....

I just wanted to pop in for a minute and say hi - i know I haven't been updating recently.

I'm almost 28 weeks. I can't believe I'm in my 3rd trimester. Smudge is doing great. S/he's very active and finally head down - although that can keep changing for weeks yet. I'm just glad s/he's not transverse anymore - because that really hurt. Anyway - Smudge is about 2lbs 3oz right now and as we speak, headbutting my cervix. I LOVE baby movement, don't get me wrong - but the cervix stuff just feels really weird.

I've been having really bad sciatica on both sides and my left foot is really numb. So, it's impacting me in a lot of ways. I have a really bad back injury from when I was a teenager, so i expected it was going to act up eventually, even though I've been pain free for years thanks to acupuncture. Right now i'm just trying to hang in there until 31-32 weeks, when my Chiropractor will recommend I'm pulled from work. He'd gladly pull me now, but financially it would be really tough to go out before then because NJ Short Term Disability really stinks.

I'd also like to ask for a favor from the Bloomin' Babies readers. Last week, a friend had her twins at 27w2d. They were both intubated for 2 days, and are currently on CPAP. The girl (Lilly) has a heart murmur, and is being seen by the cardiologist this week. They're both getting head ultrasounds this week to check for bleeding. Please keep Andrew and Lilly in your thoughts and prayers.

Monday Musings

Warning - this post will contain pictures of premature babies that you may not want to see. If you don't want to see them, don't read any further.
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I was feeling baby move around this morning, and I had a thought:

I've held babies the same age as Smudge.

Viability is largely considered to be 24 weeks, which I will be on wednesday, but I've taken care of babies as young as 23w2d. Not that the outcomes are always good (i think my first TRULY positive outcome was with a baby 24w5d), but it's kind of surreal to remember those babies that were the same age as mine is now.

Baby M - born at 23w2d, after mom was leaking fluid and on hospital bedrest for 3 weeks. Pictured at just under 4 pounds almost at almost 34 weeks.

They can cry.

Baby A - born at 23w3d - the surviving triplet. I was the first one to touch her when she was born, and the last one to touch one of her brothers when he passed 3 days later. Pictured closer to 8 months old.

They have hair.

Baby T - born at 25w5d - pictured closer to 29 weeks

Their little arms and legs are so small, a wedding band can fit like a bracelet.

photo credit

They're such little tiny fighters.

Baby D - born at 26w0d. Fighter from day 1. Now a thriving 3 year old.

I hope my little tiny fighter stays put for a good while longer.

Boredom sets in.

First, here's a 22w6d picture of Smudge from our largely unsuccessful and painful u/s on wednesday.... note the hand to the forehead. I call it the "woe is me" pose... can you imagine the horror?! We actually wanted Smudge to MOVE and cooperate!! The nerve of us.


Back to today....

You would think spending a day off from work in front of the TV with your feet up, the remote, your water bottle and your laptop close at hand... well that day wouldn't be so bad right?

I'm bored to tears right now.

Why am i doing this today you ask?

Because celebrating being 23 weeks pregnant by having some contractions overnight is NOT fun. It was actually a little scary. Not the braxton hicks i've gotten used to - but real life, a little painful and WAY too early contractions. Three of them to count.

Three too many as far as I'm concerned.

So at 1am, Mr DB and I decided to call L&D. We weren't concerned that it was an emergency, so we didn't want to wake up our OB in the middle of the night for nothing, so we figured we get some quick advice. Then this morning, I called my nurse at the OBs office to fill her in. The current thinking is that the traumatic ultrasound I had on wednesday irritated my uterus and it's rebelling. Great. Rebel child AND rebel uterus. Perfect.

But, man, am I in trouble. Dr L is very mad at me for calling L&D. Not for bothering them - but for NOT calling her. She said SHE'S my doctor and all advice should come from her. That's what she's there for and next time I am to call HER at 1am, NOT L&D.

I think i'm grounded.

So today is extra water, extra rest and extra boredom.

And making sure Smudge stays put for quite a while longer.

Newsflash - I Have a Stubborn Child

We had to know from the beginning right - from the hell we went through getting pregnant, to finding out about the lost twin, to the bleeding hell with the subchorionic hematoma... nothing about this was going to be easy, right?

Well, my 12 ounce child isn't making it ANY easier.

Smudge continues to be the most stubborn and uncooperative child there is.

We had our anatomy scan today. S/he's frank breech, which means i have a head, 2 hands and 2 feet at the top of my uterus and a butt at the bottom. I gave a stern warning that s/he has 18 weeks to flip around, otherwise, we'll be meeting for the 1st time in the OR, and I'm not planning on that. There's plenty of time yet for said flippage to happen, so I'm not remotely worried about it. My placenta has also shifted to be more anterior than posterior now. It's actually right at the fundus. So, that might explain why it took so long to feel consistent movement, what with all of the hands and feet at the placenta.

45 minutes later - we got to see a hand!

The sonographer couldn't get all of the views they needed to check everything, but what they did see was absolutely perfect. We have to go back in 2 1/2 weeks to try to finish the anatomy scan, and we're also going to get a fetal echo, which is a specialized heart ultrasound, because apparently with the type of IVF (ICSI) we had to do, there is a miniscule risk of cardiac issues. We're not remotely worried - but if it's just an ultrasound, why not make sure EVERYTHING is okay... so they'll do it at the same time.

20 week belly

Meanwhile - we found out our risk categories for downs syndrome (1 in 880) and Trisomy 13 and 18 (1 in 10,000), so we'll happily take those odds. Apparently the average downs risk for my age group is 1 in 300 and once we finish the anatomy and fetal echo, he anticipates our risk dropping even more. (I already knew my results were "normal", but I'm glad the perinatologist told us the ratios.)

Smudge chewing on a hand

Since Smudge was incredibly uncooperative, we got awful pictures today. With the ones the tech gave us, she had to explain what we were seeing. I begged the one with the open hand from the perinatologist himself, since the tech didn't give it to me. I figured it was the only really clear picture the whole scan, and I wanted just one i didn't have to explain. He laughed at me when I asked, and happily handed it over.

Hopefully we'll get better ones in 2 1/2 weeks.

Anyway - here's Smudge at 20 weeks 1 day and my big ole 20 week belly. Its starting to get in my way now. It's so funny. I love it. 20 weeks and less than 10 pounds gained (7 the last time I got on a scale). I'm really proud of myself.