Should Have Known

So no working out this last week or this :( which is not what I wanted. I should have figured something was up when I kept sleeping all day and night last week. I swear I couldn't get enough sleep. I was like the walking dead. Dark circles, super pale skin, walking all slow like. UGH!

Trust me I was getting sleep and a lot of it... like 12 plus hours and still would wake up and feel like I had gotten no sleep. I couldn't understand why or what was going on.

Well, then last week it finally hit me... my chest starting hurting and bad and getting heavy. Three hours had passed and I still didn't feel better... actually worse. So I finally called my husband who called to try and get me in urgent care... no such luck.

So ER here we come. Got to the ER and I got out of the car to walk to the door and by the time I got to the door I couldn't even breath. I ended up getting put into some special room and they did what they needed to do.

Well, found out I had bronchitis with the onset of pneumonia :( So it's ten days of meds and by the way they cause cracked heels, loss of appetite etc. Well, I can breath better and my chest isn't in pain, but with no desire to eat I feel weak and tired still. I am hoping that next week will be better and I can get back to the gym.

I blame it on the fluctuating weather here... I am not use to the cold and rain and everything else. I will just have to be patient and it will take time to get use too.

So I back at the gym and loving it... well for the most part. I will admit the first day back I thought I would die doing cardio again.

I mean seriously I struggled just to do ten minutes... are you kidding me. UGH!

But then I realized it was mind over matter. How bad do I want this. I mean I have sacrificed so much already for a child I don't even know... a child I dream of having... so what's holding me back.

And when I finally decided it was not only for health, but for my dream of having a child I was reminded I would do anything for my child... so the next day I kicked it up a notch.

Shockingly in three days I was up to two miles and by the end of the week I was doing 27 minutes of cardio. And on Friday I spent two hours at the gym... not all on the elliptical, but I did the toning tables and weight machines. I was so darn proud of myself... I couldn't believe it.

Then I took Saturday, Sunday & Monday off and by Monday I was missing the gym. But my hubby had the day off and wanted to spend it with me... so no gym that day. Boy was I glad to go today, but ended up smacking myself for not eating before going cause I caused myself to end my workout sooner than I wanted :(

I guess there is tomorrow... and I do plan to eat something before going... I mean normally I do... I am not sure what I was thinking today lol.

Well, I'd say I am off to a pretty good start getting back into my routine. Can't wait for my first weigh in and measurements... so I can see my progress :)

Take care everyone.. HUGS Cupcake Bud

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My Naughty Plan

well my plan was to put things on a back burner, but let's just say I sorta, maybe, kinda put them there and forgot about them. Yeah, I did. And that was pretty rather naughty to me.

I did have intentions of taking a break because I knew we had to PCS, but with the date constantly changing, things going crazy, trying to work, dealing with school... blah blah blah blah... I had to make a choice. The stress was so bad that my face was horribly broken out, I actually got some gray hairs, I was feeling sick, and some other things. I don't every remember being so stressed in all my life. So I had to put blogging, schooling, and other things on hold.. cause I just couldn't do it anymore. Not till after we finished with the whole moving thing.

But we are finally in our house and pretty much unpacked (minus a few boxes)... so now my life is finding some normalcy and I couldn't be happier. I started school back up, my acne is better, and I don't feel so stressed :) Plus hey I am back to blogging. However, the most important thing today was that I went and got a gym membership :) Which I am super excited about cause I want to get back on track with TTC naturally and kicking PCOS in the butt.

So that is just a quick update for now on why I've been gone for so long... I would of said something sooner, but I had no internet for a long time either... which didn't help. Anywhootie, I hope all of you are doing well and hope I can catch up on where everyone is at.

Hugs to all,

Cupcake Bud

PS. I actually was happy to discover I hadn't gained any weight during this time... hooray for me.

Nothing Great

So I am doing a quick post.... more or less to say hey I am still here. I seriously can't wait for this move to be over with. There is so much going on that I haven't been able to focus on anything else. Well, I do try to, but it usually doesn't work.

Unfortunately, no update on my TTC progress as I will have to wait till we finally get to where we are going. The movers packed up our stuff today and will load it into a truck on Monday. Then we just have some more final things to finish here and then we hit the road the next Monday.

It's crazy everything that is going on... I'll just be glad once we get settled in to our home there and can focus on TTC and other things we need to think about again.

Hope all of you are doing well.

My Test Results

So I had to post again as I just got my results back on whether or not I have diabetes and to see where my cholesterol was at.

Let's just note that I was pretty sure I didn't have diabetes and I don't. Though I still have to watch things so I don't develop it. Ladies with PCOS have a higher risk of developing this. But I am happy I don't have it :) woot woot.

On to the cholesterol part... this tends to be higher in women with PCOS as well. And last time they checked it ... let's just say it was over 400. I won't say the exact cause it just was not good altogether. Well, my number is 180 something now :) woot woot. It is not where they'd like it to be, but wow that is over a 200 drop which is awesome they said. I had no idea I had done that good. So it makes me feel like this natural approach I am doing is so worth it and doing wonders for me.

Now I just need to get it around 140 and they will be happy. I'm just happy cause I feel like I am steps closer to improving things for myself and my journey of getting pregnant.

Long Time

So I know it's been awhile, but the moving process is starting to take into full effect and I've been a bit distracted with that to even attempt to focus on the fact that I am on a mission to TTC. I know that probably sounds horrible that I could possibly be distracted from something I desire... no crave is more like it.

Isn't this the one thing I've been wanting for so long. I'd say 8 years is a long time and I can't believe I'm that distracted from it. I hope that doesn't make me bad... either way I will have to try and not beat myself up over it. Cause honestly it might do me some good to be a tad bit distracted lol.

So I've lost 5 pounds this last week... perhaps it's all the out and about things etc. So that is good for me as that is my goal right now. I also went to doctor who is going to check some of my levels do just do a follow up and then he will schedule me to see and endo doc so I can have those labs rechecked... since it's been a while since I have. However, I may have to wait to do that part till I get to where we are moving. As it is less then five weeks away that we hit the road to head out.

We may turn it into a road trip or we may just decided to head straight through so we can get everything squared away and then site see where we are moving too. Hey it would give us some time to get to know this new place we will have to call home... well that is until the military decides to have us move again.

Another note... on my natural approach. For those who saw my other post know I've switched to Burt's Bee for my body care and I still love it. The more time that has passed of me using it I love it even more. I wish I would have done it sooner. Anyways, I even went a step further and I've switched my make up as well. I found a make-up that is free of parabens, phthalates, SLS and petrochemicals. And I am in love with that as well. I am shocked at well it works and lasts on the face... even more since it's been so humid here. Most of the time it wears off and looks awful, but not with this one. My face has noticed a difference :) which is wonderful.

Next we are switching our laundry detergent and household cleaners and soaps (hand) too. I am not only doing this because it is better in general for my health, but in hopes of balancing my hormones out again and also having my estrogen balance out. That is one major culprit in infertility and miscarriages before 6 weeks. Which I've had two of during that time... and I've been told it's because my progesterone is not high enough... which is probably cause of the estrogen dominance. And all those chemicals I am eliminating mimic estrogen when it enters our bodies :( So I am hoping that helps me in my natural approach.

Well, I hope I haven't rambled to much, but it's been awhile and I am trying to make up for time I've been gone. I hope you are all well.

Wishing everyone baby dust who is still TTC.

Hugs

Burts Bee Natural Overhaul

I've been looking into more natural ways to help with my PCOS so that I can get pregnant.

In researching some things I decided to switch to Burts Bees products. I ordered a bunch of stuff that should be in tomorrow and can't wait. I order them through a place that does wholesale pricing, which helps the bank account. But I did manage to go to Ulta and pick up a the facial cleanser and moisturizers and body wash.

So far I love the products and wish I would have switched sooner. All these products are free of petrochemicals, phthalates, parabens and SLS. All those contain harsh things for everyone, but can cause even greater issues for those with PCOS. Almost everyone of them cause a further issue with infertility in women with PCOS by causing a dominance of estrogen to be in the body. Women with PCOS already tend to have a dominance of estrogen and to much estrogen causes infertility, breast cancer and other things.

What I found through research was great and I am hoping after a month of switching away from products containing those thing will help my hormones further balance out so I can get on with TTC. I've also read some great reviews and forum posts and blog posts about others who've had things turn around for the better. PCOS symptoms went away or got extremely better. Also, infertility got better etc. To me it was worth adding to my list of natural remedies for PCOS. Next on my list is purchasing laundry detergent and house cleaners free of it.

In just the week I've been using the stuff that I have been using I feel a difference in me... more energy and hair feels healthier... my body in general feels good :) So I am happy so far.

On another note my cycle still hasn't started, but it so is on the edge of starting... I wish it would just start and get it over with... I feel so bloated and my lower back hurts and I am cranky lol.

Hope all you are doing well. I still can't wait till I get this moving done with.



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SLS Free

Just wanted to stop in and let you all know how things are going. Besides being stressed a tad bit with trying to get things together to move and trying to find another job (so I have one when I get to where we are moving) and finding the right time to quit my job here.... everything's just peachy :)

After losing some inches I started to get bloated... which is a plus cause I honestly think my Aunt Flo is trying to stop by for a visit. So that would be nice for that to happen. It's been a couple months so I do need it to start.

Other than that I am trying to add more to my workout routine too... such as swimming :) which is always fun. Now that the sun is out it's time to go to the pool.

On a side note I am trying to switch over to SLS Free Shampoo's, conditioners, body wash and make-up etc. I've been doing some research and finding that staying away from products with SLS in them is highly recommended for those with PCOS. Probably good if we all did, but some Cyster's have seen their PCOS symptoms improve by eliminating SLS in the things they use. They've had great outcomes with their cycles and ovulation and with the over production of estrogen... which causes issues with fertility and miscarriages. So it's worth a try for me since I'm trying to do things naturally and faith.

So far I've tried shampoo and already feel a difference in one wash. We will see what happens after a while of using it.

I hope all of you are doing well.

PS I can't wait for the move to be done with :)

Inches Yes, Pounds No

So it's been a crazy couple weeks for me. Been trying to get back into the groove of things, but that's been a challenge in itself. With working, trying to work out and moving it's been a mess.

They, being the military, keep moving the things around with the move date and things we have to do.... which doesn't help cause you can't do anything until they get things straight. So we finally know where we are moving and now we are starting all the paperwork process. Then before you know it we will be moving. I hope you will be patient with me as I trying to make it through this moving process... :) pretty please.

So on to sorta good news on my progress. I haven't lost any weight, nor have I gained... so that is a major plus. BUT I have lost inches... not that I've measured myself, but usually when I put my pants on fresh after being washed they are tight... this time they weren't. Then I put my shorts on from last year that were tight... and guess what.... yeap they weren't :) so happy. I've learned you can't just go by the scale when trying to loose weight cause sometimes the inches go and sometimes the pounds go. I am happy either way. Makes me feel good.

The other thing that is sorta good is I think my AF is trying to start... which yeah I still haven't gotten. I think it is because of stress. Which is shocking cause I didn't realize I was stressed. I handle things pretty well and with my job (that most think is stressful) I feel it is a stress reliever. I know call me weird, but my friend says I just handle it so well that I can overlook the fact that I am :( and that would explain why I am so tired, run down, and perhaps why I haven't gotten my cycle yet. So I've promised to do something... like take a bubble bath or sit out by the pool every week... to help relax my body :)

Well, I hope you all are doing good... and if not I pray things will turn around. I have to catch up on everyone's stuff :( sorry. It's just been crazy and it will till I get things sorted out with this move and whatnot's.



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Juggling Life's Craziness

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My life is a bit crazy right now. For starters I had my doctors visit and I am NOT pregnant..... ugh. On top of finding that out my husband and I also found out we are moving... not a side I will often share on here... but my husband is in the military. So with all of that and trying to get things together to move it's been a mad house in here.

I seriously meant to write last week, but the week got away from me and on top of that it was an emotional crasher for me... so much so my body went in shut down mode. I slept almost a whole day and then some. My body had had enough apparently.

And other news that is not fertility related is that I am going to be in a wedding come next year (my sisters --- I am the maid of honor)... so I really need to loose this weight. So I am hoping this will give me the extra push to keep up with the weight loss. I don't want to look fat in the dress I have to wear... but if I have a baby bump I'll be more than a 100% fine with that.

So I am getting back on track of getting my weight down and getting PCOS under control.... hopefully this will be enough distraction to help keep my mind off of wondering if I am pregnant or not.... I just need to go with the flow to reduce my stress level.

So between packing, moving, making wedding invites, jewelry pieces for wedding and other preps for the wedding... along with loosing weight... I should be more than distracted :)

On with the show... I will keep you posted on how my weight loss is going and hopefully I will get my next cycle... yeah I never got that yet either, but they said it might be due to stress. Nurse is probably right... cause now that things are starting to calm down I feel like I might get it.

Hope you all are doing fabulous. And I am sorry about being so late with posting... my life is doing a 360 on me something fierce. But I am strong :) and I can do this.

Monday Hurry Up and Get here!

Oh, my gosh I am so bad... but I got the results from the test and it was a BFN. I always say don't get your hopes up this time and whatever you do don't cry. But hope is something I have yet to loose and not sure if I'd want to.

However, I have to go back in on Monday to have it redone. One because they said they don't like to do blood tests till day 35 and it was before that and two the count sometimes doesn't go up as fast if you have PCOS. So that just puts the icing on the cake... ugh. Now I have to wait again and wonder if I am going to have to hear BFN again. This was a tad bit harder than I thought it would be.

I still haven't gotten my next cycle and I am just not trying to think about it cause it's getting to me... the wondering that is. Cause the whole thing is if I still ain't by then I may have to undergo other testing to find out why my eye color is changing and why I am getting random freckles and brown spots on me... very strange.

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I don't know what to do and honestly can't wait till this coming Monday so I can just find out what to do next. My fear now is that I ain't, which is okay in the end cause I'll just keep on trying. The scary part for me is what is going on and what tests will I have to do to find out... eek.

So here's to a few more days of waiting to find out where to go from here.

Hoping & Praying

So I must apologize for not posting last week :( I know bad. However, I was trying not to stress myself or think about things to much. I was suppose to get my cycle again and I haven't yet... I don't even have any signs that I am gonna get it. I normally have soar breasts and feel bloated. Now I know it's common for PCOS to cause you not to have a cycle every time, but even when I don't get it I sure feel bloated and bad... and I don't this time around. So I thought that strange.

Then I went to the bead shop I tend to go to on Fridays (not this last one but the one before) and I think 3 ladies there asked if I was pregnant?! Say what. I haven't talked to them about it... only lady I talked about it with is the owner. She just gave me that look... I just told them I was trying and left it at that. But the next day when I went another lady asked me... all I could think is am I really that fat - which actually slipped out of my mouth :s and the lady said no you just look so happy and bright and I can't remember the other word she used.

All of this had me on edge... and over thinking things. Trying to compare how I felt the first time I was pregnant to how I felt now. And it just had me going bananas. So I decided not to think about it as much as possible... easier said then done that's for sure. Well, this week I went to the bead shop again and another lady asked me... argh. Then on Saturday my husband said what happened to your eyes... puzzled I said why what's wrong. He said they are changing colors... which did happen that last time I was pregnant. I don't know why they did or if it is that common... I mean did anyone else have this happen?

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Anyways either way it had me wondering cause Mr. Cupcake Bud thinks my boobs feel fuller (?) lol [leave it to him to notice that], and that they feel different in general, and I've felt off and on pains down in my woman parts... sorta like cramping but not exactly. I mean it could be that I am or it could be something else.

I fell asleep while the lady was doing my nails and I've had days where I feel tired more than others. I don't have much of an appetite and when I eat I have to force myself to finish. I mean there are a few things that make me wonder what is going on. Either way I decided I needed to go in an have a blood test done... I know most of you would say hey do an at home one.

But honestly I have wasted so much money on those things and I just don't feel like farting around with them because sometimes they don't show up right and it is very common for them not to show up right for ladies with PCOS. And I just want to know.

So wonderful Mr. Cupcake Bud scheduled for me to go in tomorrow to have a blood one done. So we will see. Then after I get the results from that I will go from there. Cause either I will be scheduling an appointment cause I need prenatal care or I will be going in to see what is going on with me...

Despite wanting to wait a few months to get pregnant... I really hope and pray that I am pregnant. Otherwise what is going on here.

Is It Ovulation?

So I am going to switch back to gluten-free cause I just felt so much better on that. I lost about another 5 pounds since aunt flo left. So on that note I've felt this twinging of pain and it makes me wonder if I'm ovulating? That would be awesome if that is what the pain was :) but of course with that comes the creeping fears of miscarriage.

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What is more frustrating is I thought I was beyond that... thought I was okay and ready for this. Don't get me wrong I am, but those fears are creeping back in about will I make it past those 6 weeks and if I do will my anxiety fears calm down? Will I not feel peace until I hold the bundle of joy in my arms. UGH!

All these thoughts have been getting me down the last few days... which I don't want. So I had a long talk with God and I just have to put it in his hands. I have to put complete trust that he will take care of me and the miracle my heart so desires... and know it will be okay if I get pregnant this cycle.

I can't help [despite the fears of miscarriage & thinking I wanted to wait two more cycles] hope that I will get pregnant this cycle. And as the days near the end of this cycle I am hoping I get a BFP. I don't think that hope really ever leaves when TTC... even though I say next time I won't get my hopes up or set them to high, but I do anyways... every time without fail.

So as I wait out these last weeks I will wait and see if my next cycle starts or just maybe [hoping] I get a BFP.

Keeping Hope

So I know I said I wanted to wait and I thought about temping... but I realized I should of started temping already. But I will wait till next month to do it... and as far as trying or not... I don't want to think about it. I am not going to try, but I ain't gonna do anything to not get pregnant either. If it happens it happens. As I went into this by putting it in God's hands and for me that is where it needs to stay.

And to top it off this week has been full of headaches as well as last week. I don't remember having this many headaches, but maybe it's because I was flushing a lot of blood (sorry if TMI), but since I didn't have it for so long it had a lot to get rid of. On top of that I craved red meat so bad... which I was told because I needed iron.

Well, today was much better :) no headache woohoo... because I was getting tired of taking tylenol. So for the rest of this month I ain't gonna think about doing BBT or TTC... and just wait to see if my cycle starts again next month. Of course I want it to so I can see if it's gonna keep coming, but there is still the slight part of me that says if I don't get it please please let it be because I am pregnant :)

I can't help but hope... if I lose hope I have nothing.

On a side note I got a jar of baby dust :) that I shake at night before I go to bed :)

To or Not To BBT

So that last time I did BBT charting was years ago when I was dealing with doctors and doing clomid and other things to try and get pregnant. However, I became so overwhelmed and stressed with everything I was doing and the charting and making sure I woke up at the same time was stressing me out even more. And when you are trying to get pregnant seriously stress is the last thing you need.

So I would love some advice cause I am thinking about doing it again just so I can see what's going on with my temps etc. One part of me thinks it will stress me out again, but on the other hand I am much more relaxed now and doing things on my own terms so maybe I won't be stressed.

So questions:
Does it really matter what time a day you do it at? Any of you who do it do you do it in the morning or at night or have you tried both and did you see a difference? I know temp changes throughout the day, but if I temped the same time every night would it be okay vs temping in the morning?

Also, do you temp orally or vaginally? If so which is better... I always did orally, but the lately some friends are saying results are better vaginally.

And do you have to temp the whole month? I know some who only temp after their period ended?

Any advice fellow readers or buds would be ever so much appreciated. I just want to keep my mind as stress free as possible, but on the other hand I don't want to waste my time BBT charting if I don't do it to get accurate results.

Oh, decisions, decisions.

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To Wait or Not to Wait

Oh, the choices and temptations... of TTC.

So I think my cycle is coming to an end and of course my calendar marked my fertile days and I am debating whether we go ahead and try and make sure to do it on most fertile day or to even take my temp? Ugh... I said I wanted to make sure I had a few months worth of cycles in a row before we really tried again... cause it would make sure everything is cleaned out (I mean it's been a good 7 months since I had one last).

But it's hard cause I debate whether I should go ahead... I know what my heart is yearning for, but I also hear the logic in my head telling me I know what I should do (WAIT!). But you know sometimes logic is thrown out the door when it comes to wanting a baby.

However, I think I won't go out of my way to try, but we don't use protection or anything... so I figure it's in God's hands and if it happens it does and I won't expect anything out of it... it's so frustrating to say the least.

I will just stick to working out and getting my weight down and not think about getting pregnant "right" this second. I've waited this long I think I can do another few months... RIGHT?

Vitex Victory

Finally, after a few months of vitex Aunt Flo came to visit and I am oober excited. It's been a process and I knew it would be with doing things naturally, but I am just glad it finally paid off. Vitex can take up to three months to take effect and it finally did for me. Though it's been a mess... literally, and I've had major cramps that are making me nauseous, and I've had a constant headache for the last two days... despite all this I am still excited because I'm finally seeing progress and it puts me closer to my dreams of having my own little Baby Cupcake.

I was previously taking maca powder cause it does pretty much the same thing, but works faster. However, I read a medical post about how maca can cause your testosterone levels to elevate, which is far from something a woman wants to hear. On top of that women with PCOS can already suffer with that issue; and I do... so I did not need to add misery on top of misery... so I switched to vitex.

I am just glad to see it works for me and I can't wait to keep it going. Now that I got one thing on course to where I need it to be I can take that off my check list and just keep taking vitex cause it works... now I can try and get more of my weight down so I can check that off my list :)

Eventually I am going to go have all my levels tested to see where they are sitting at once I get my weight down some more... just to make sure they are getting lower or hopefully normal. Then I will be able to start charting to see if ovulation has kicked in :) fingers crossed.

The process is starting to fall into place and I could not be more excited.... My goal to get my BFP by the end of this year or sooner.

Oh and I am doing good on my other goal.

Cupcake Bud's Challenge

Being that my journey is the natural route when it comes to TTC I've decided to set a challenge (or perhaps some would call it a goal) for myself. I decided I wanted to see how many days in a row I could stay eating healthy. I've decided I won't eat anything fried, or sweets or drink soda. Eliminating these types of food altogether will help me accomplish my goal faster.

I've done it before and it became so natural not to eat it... so much I didn't even crave it. But after the miscarriage and putting the weight back on and not caring what I ate... I've opened the door for those awful cravings... and I want to close it again.

So starting today I will see how many days in a row I can do this :) and NO cheat days... if I do I will have to start the counter all over again. I want to at least make it to 100 days if possible. I know that is a lot, but I think I can do it.

Below is my counter to keep track of how many days it's been:

On a side note: to explain a little more why Mr. Cupcake Bud and I decided to go natural was because we tried drugs and other things... and they all failed us. I was tired of hearing all the things I couldn't do or how hard everything will be for me blah blah blah... gotta love PCOS.

However, I didn't want to hear it anymore and did my own research and came across a lot of research studies of how natural supplements/herbs helped ladies with PCOS reverse their symptoms and get pregnant. I felt it was worth a try after all because how can it be bad to try... boy was I glad I did. Not only did my symptoms go away and I was feeling much healthier, but I got pregnant :)

So this is why I am doing it the natural way again.

Fairwell Pizza

Well, I suppose I will do my second post for the week :) How exciting... however, I am at a loss for what to say.

How about that starting next week I am kicking my workout into high gear (cause I so need to get back into routine). I started my weight loss journey a few months back and lost around 12 pounds, and then my husband and I just found out he is being forced to cross train into a new job for the military. So of course that means we have to move... which initially caused a lot of stress in the house for the last two weeks, which caused my pizza cravings to kick into high gear. I have an extreme weakness for pizza.. not just any kind either.. Chicago stuffed. I'm salivating as I write this... no joke ;)

The pizza is like a pie; cheese and toppings inside and sauce on top layer of crust. It's so good if you've never had it before I'd give it a try if there's a place around you that makes it. Anyways...

When I am stressed I don't crave sweets or anything else... just pizza. Let me tell you I have eaten more pizza these last two weeks then I have eaten in a years time. I have really tried to stay away from unhealthy foods and I usually have much more will power. But stress is my kryptonite :( and that is when pizza comes knocking on my taste buds.

I can give myself a pat on the back though cause I still did work out... not as much as I usually do every day, but I did work out. But I can feel the toll it is taking on me of not eating so healthy and not working out as much as I usually do. My body is going into fruit and veggie cravings... if you can believe that. And I so badly want to do zumba and my fitness routine with the kinect. So I've decided to have a fair well party with pizza this weekend and welcoming party for fruits and veggies.

On a side note I have been having some massive cramps and my boobs are soar as all gets up... so I am hoping this means my cycle is going to start back up :) Seriously, it needs to.. last time I saw aunt flo was beginning of November. For those who don't know PCOS causes many Cysters to have very irregular to no periods at all. But one of the best things to help with that is weight loss and vitex... so I am doing both. And I am feeling like it's working, which is a plus. Cause I need my cycle to kick back into gear in order to TTC so I can get my BFP. Let's hope it starts in the next couple weeks :)

Hugs,

Introducing Cupcake Bud

Once upon a time in the cold land of dairy and cheese (aka Wisconsin) a girl and boy met at McDonald’s orientation. It was love at first sight for the boy, but the girl was a little unsure. Well, after a few shifts together the girl asked the boy to prom and from that day forward she knew they were destined to be together.

After 3 proms, graduations and everything in between the boy (now a young man) proposed to the girl (now a young lady) at their church... in front of all their church family during testimony time. The young man never gave a testimony and the young lady was confused and then became shocked when it was about her. The young man even made sure her mom and dad were there to see it.

Of course she said yes they had the date picked out and things reserved well in advance (almost 2 years in advance), but then September 11 happened and everything changed. The date he had to leave was before their original date they picked, but he wanted nothing more than to marry his high school sweetheart before leaving... and hearing this melted her heart... so they pushed the date up and were married on Valentine’s Day becoming Mr and Mrs Cupcake Bud. Then in less then two weeks later he left basic training.

After basic training and tech school (which added up to 11 months of waiting) they were able to start their life together at their first duty station; and they lived happily ever after....

If only it were that easy... despite that we are still happily married (even after 9 years of marriage people think we are newlyweds) our dreams of having a Baby Cupcake Bud were crushed in mid 2003. A random doctors appointment turned into us being told that the doctor thought I had uterine cancer (all this assumption off of some hair patterning on my stomach). She told me I had to have and emergency ultrasound and tests and then in a week I’d probably be having a hysterectomy. My world turned upside down and in 2.9 seconds at that.

After waiting for the test results and walking in a haze that felt drug induced I finally got the call that I did not have cancer, but that I needed to see an endo specialist. The day we met with the endo doctor our life changed forever. I was told I had PCOS. At that time they hardly knew anything and what they did know wasn’t completely true. For years we went on thinking we could NEVER have a baby and the only possibility of having a baby would mean fertility treatments and drugs and a whole lot a stress.

Of course we decided we’d go ahead and meet with an infertility specialist and start the process. Well, after lots of paper work, testing, charting days and months and then couple years went by and all that came of it was me feeling like a lab rat and our personal life invaded.... and I decided my body and spirit just could not take it any more. My light was about to be extinguished and I wanted to find me again.

This is when Mr. Cupcake Bud and I decided that we wanted to take a break and put it in God’s hands. We fully believe He can make the impossible possible. So, I did some researching on PCOS on my own. It was then that I wanted to try the natural route because I was reading a lot of ladies with PCOS had success getting pregnant. So I cleared out the fridge headed to the store and bought vitamins, supplements and new food. I also bought myself a gym membership and started working out. Four months later and 50+ pounds lighter my husband came home for mid tour and of course any military wife probably knows what happens then ;)

Well, the day before Christmas we found out we were pregnant. It was our little miracle and I can’t explain how excited I was and how thankful to God I was. Mr. Cupcake Bud had to go back overseas to finish his time. Leaving Cupcake Bud all alone... again. Which made what happened a few weeks later even harder to deal with. Cupcake Bud lost the little miracle cupcake and was crushed.

It was very hard to bounce back from and I subconsciously sabotaged myself because I was fearful that if I stepped foot on the treadmill or kept at my current weight or went down I would have to go through it all over again. And I just couldn’t do it. On the outside I was smiling and I was living my life, but inside fear was gripping me. Well, now two some years later I woke up and realized I put the weight back on and that who I saw was not me at all.

So Mr Cupcake Bud and I are jumping back on the TTC bandwagon. I am facing PCOS head on and going to get back control of what it took from me again. So here’s to my journey of going the natural route coupled with faith. I hope you all will join us on our journey and see another side to TTC that I know is not for everyone, but it’s what worked for us before and it will work for us again.

Many hugs, Cupcake Bud