Why I outed myself

After spending much time on a variety of TTC, TTTC, and IF boards online, I realized I am significantly in the minority. It isn't because I am in about the 10% in my age group unable to get pregnant for no reason. It is because the majority of my family, as well as my close friends and some co-workers know that we are having difficulty conceiving and are seeking IF treatment. I am definitely one of a small number of women that I have met on the boards that is this open and I wouldn't take it back at all. My reasons for letting everyone know in general is simply I am very open person. All my family and friends knew that Mr. Planner Bud and I wanted children early in our marriage, so I definitely expected the "When?" question soon after our marriage. I had no problem telling them "Soon". Sadly, we realized soon wasn't coming soon enough and I began to think about who I should tell and how. I started with my family.

My mother and I have always been incredibly close and she quickly began to notice how upset I was month after month. It wasn't until about 6 months of trying that I really opened up her and talked about all the things I have learned about my body and myself. I felt a huge weight lift of my shoulders. I was finally able to open to someone in person. The boards were great, but the person-to-person contact was missing. I let her know that it was okay for the rest of my family to know if they asked questions. I know my aunt and her talk about grandchildren often. It never crossed my mind to keep this private from my small, but close family. The support I
gained over this past cycle supports this decision even more.

When I first started TTC, one of my friends was as well. We became a support for each other early. It was great to have someone in the same boat, until she got pregnant a few months in. It was difficult, but she was still there. I also have a super close friend at work who I have been very open with. She is the one I go to when AF shows up mid-day and I need to cry, she is the one who is by my side for every baby announcement at work (and there are many...damn fertile faculty).

My IF has even began a new relationship with a co-worker. Sensing that I could be dealing with IF, she reached out via private message on Facebook. Even though she is nearing the end of her journey, she is more than willing to answer my inane questions and fears.

This leads me to my most difficult decision: What do I do about IF and work? I am a teacher so if I have to come in late or leave in the middle of the day, I need to have someone to cover for me. Also with economy the way it is, cuts are imminent at the end of the year. For these reasons, I felt it was important that my principals and team leaders knew what was going on.

After getting my dx of IF, I set up a meeting with the principal and explain that we are struggling with IF and will need to go for treatment. Luckily there have been others dealing with this issue (including the friend who reached out to me). He just asked that I try to schedule the appointments with a thought about my schedule and try to get coverage within the building. This lead me to talking to my team leaders. Both of these people I am very close to and both knew that we were having difficulty.

Though many people are now involved in our IF journey, I wouldn't have it any other way. I have amazing support group around me and I am very lucky. I know for many women this is an incredibly private problem, to them I say try to find a support group. It doesn't have to be as open as mine; it could be a single friend or a RESOLVE support group. Either way, it is beyond helpful to have someone to turn to.

Meetings, procedures & classes, oh my!

The last two days I have been staying pretty busy gearing up for our IVF cycle. Last night I attended the IVF Support Group meeting I talked about yesterday. When I got there, I saw a couple sitting outside in the hall & when I tried them, the doors to my fertility center (different location than my normal office - same place I went for my HSG) were locked. So I rang the doorbell & the group facilitator came out to let us in, the couple sitting outside followed me in, saying they didn't realize that there was a bell to ring! Then the facilitator, who is a licensed clinical psychologist, went back to her office to grab a few things. While we were waiting for the meeting to begin, the couple & I started chatting a bit. The other couple & other lady who was attending showed up about 10 min. later & we got started! It was really great to get to talk to people in similar situations & having similar feelings about their upcoming IVF cycles. One of the ladies attending even has an estimated ER three days before me! We all exchanged information & left saying we'd keep in touch. It was seriously awesome. I have absolutely no regrets about attending & I plan on doing it again next month if I am available - for sure! I highly recommend that anyone facing IF - whether you feel like you are really having a hard time or even if you feel like you are coping with your IF pretty well - attend a support group meeting either thru your RE's office or check out RESOLVE to see if there are any group meetings in your area. Talking to other women in a situation similar to you is really very powerful & takes away a lot of the feelings of being broken & isolation that you may be feeling. (Photo Credit for above photo).

Today I had a saline sonohysterogram (SHG) & mock embryo transfer (MET). I did not realize I was even getting an SHG until I got to the office & they gave me a paper to sign agreeing to undergo the procedure. I thought it would just be a MET, but I guess my RE likes to do both at the same time to ensure there are no problems uterine problems that had not been caught. Anyways, the whole thing went by pretty quickly. He inserted the cathetar & released a little of the solution in slowly. Mr. WB was right there with me & my RE showed us where the catheter was & the solution being released in side my uterus, and also showed us the shape of my uterus & ovaries - both of which he said looked perfect! No cysts or any other problems he could identify.

After that, we headed over to the injection training class. It was very informative & we got to meet a few other couples from our center. The nurse leading it was my nurse, who I LOVE! IMO, the scariest of the shots seems to be the HCG Trigger shot, but I think I will ask my sister (a nurse) to do that one for me. If she's unavailable at the time I need it (doing it exactly on time is VERY important as it must be done 36 hours prior to retrieval), then Mr. WB can do it. We start Lupron injections on Tuesday. I can't believe we are really getting this cycle started...hard to believe that our greatest wish could become a reality in just about a month! I am hoping that everything continues to go smoothly & my body responds well to the meds. As always, thanks so much for the all the T&P (sorry I always end like this ;o), but I really do want to express my gratitude to everyone thinking of us)! (Photo Credit for above photo).