The Waiting Continues...

I just got a call from a very nice nurse at the midwife's office with the results of my first betas. Too bad the numbers aren't as nice as the nurse.

6966 at 7w6d.

Unfortunately, those don't look so good. The number is definitely low, and as intervention-free as the office tends to be, they recommended I go in for the first available ultrasound because they now suspect a blighted ovum, given that I had good dates (thanks to charting!). They're faxing over the paperwork to the hospital this morning, and the ultrasound clinic is supposed to be calling me soon. I'm also going in first thing tomorrow for another blood draw (betas and I'm going to be requesting a progesterone check too).

The nurse spent a good couple of minutes on the phone to make sure I was ok (I'm not really, but I'm trying to hold it together until I get the call from the hospital--at that point I can leave work), and briefly explained my options if it turns out to be a blighted ovum. I really wish this wasn't happening, and I hate that all I can do is wait. I'm really happy that everyone I've talked with/seen at my midwife's office is so nice--I do feel like they care what happens to me and this baby, and that has made a big difference for me this week.

I'll let you know as soon as I know anything.
Magnolia Bud

A long update

I'm sorry I am just now getting to this, but honestly, I just didn't have it in me to update and tell my story again. However, I am gaining strength and am ready to share.

My last post was about our first pregnancy appointment. If you remember, they couldn't find the heartbeat because "I had come in too early." In the back of my mind, I knew that this wasn't correct, however, I convinced myself that it was.

So, here is what happened next - Tuesday, December 8th, I went to try to find the HB again and they still could not find it. Dr. D decided to check my betas and have me come in Thursday, December 10th, to check the betas again. On Thursday, there was still no HB found and my betas were rising - they should have been able to find a HB. It was then determined that I, in fact, had a Blighted Ovum. (If you click here, you can learn more about what that means)

I am heart broken and still in shock, but I am dealing with it. Dr. D advised that since I have had no cramping, spotting or bleeding that I should have a D & C (dilation and curettage) because the empty sac could continue to grow for up to 2 more weeks (which would put us at Christmas) and then I would miscarry on my own. I decided to take his advice, as the only way to really have closure is to end this, move on and look forward.

I have to give kudos to several people during this hard chapter in my life. To my wonderful husband, who has been nothing but a pillar of love and strength. To my friend Stephanie, who has been so supportive and loving. And lastly, to The Getting Pregnant Board on The Nest. These women have been the best support system a woman could have. Thank you to all of these people!

I will be having my D&C tomorrow, December 15th at 1:45 CST. I am nervous, but hopeful. Please pray for the Sugar Bud house, as we are dealing with this.

Blighted Ovulm...

is the cause of 50% of first trimester miscarriages in which the baby either never develops or stops growing in the first trimester and then reduces to tiny pieces. A woman’s body recognizes abnormal chromosomes in a fetus and naturally does not try to continue the pregnancy because the fetus will not develop into a normal, healthy baby. This can be caused by abnormal cell division, or poor quality sperm or egg. Unfortunately, in most cases a blighted ovum cannot be prevented, however it is very rare for a women to experience a BO twice in her lifetime.

This is how the placenta and Embryo should begin to look like:

A perfect sac at 5 wks 4 days:

A sac at 6w 3days, but the embryo is developing at a slower pace:

Same embryo at 8 weeks:

and here is how a Blighted Ovum sac looks like... empty:

I would have never suspected that there was anything wrong with my pregnancy since I had all the pregnancy symptoms from increase in appetite, peeing like a race horse, dead tired by 4 in the afternoon and how can I forget the cravings for food that I never eat... cucumbers!! At times I am kind of relieved that this occurred early in the pregnancy where we never heard the heartbeat or saw the embryo, because I do not know how I would accepted the fact that my unborn baby was not developing and there is nothing that we can do to help it being further along in the pregnancy.

My heart goes out to those woman who have suffered a miscarriage in their 11th, 18th even in their 20th week. You ladies are so strong and I wish nothing but the best for you.

We are praying to start trying again next month and hoping to have a sticky baby.

Our Miscarriage...

I will never forget the first day that I saw blood in the toilet when I was 6 weeks pregnant.

It was suppose to be a great day for Mr. Bud and me... It was a beautiful Sunday Morning and we were getting ready to go out to buy a few things for a barbeque that we were planning on hosting to surprise the family with the big news.

I woke up and followed my daily routine and as soon as I finished using the restroom I saw some spotting and of course like every pregnant women out there I freaked out. So I told Mr. Bud and we decided to relaxed for the rest of the afternoon. Towards the evening time the spotting started to get worst and bright red blood started flowing every time I would use the restroom. At this point, I’m freaking out, pulling out all my pregnancy books, searching the web and calling the doctors office to find some answers.

The doctor on call called me back right away and explained what was going on and there was a 50/50 chance of anything at this point. He explained that there are women out there that bleed all throughout their pregnancies and go to having a healthy baby and then it can be signs of an early miscarriage. He advised me that if I filled up a maxi pad within 2-3 hours then I should go to the ER, luckily the bleeding was not that heavy so I decided to wait it out at home and go to the doctor’s office first thing in the morning.

The following morning I was up as soon as I saw sunlight cracking through the blinds and was ready to go to the doctor’s office. I wanted answers… Was my baby fine, alive, miscarriage, What was going on??? As Mr. Bud and I sat in the waiting room we waited and waited and waited and saw so many happy pregnant couples and he just kept telling me... ‘Don’t worry we will be fine, we still have a 50/50 chance’. FINALLY the nurse called us in 4 hours later and asked for me to POAS to tell us that we are pregnant. All I could keep thinking is, ok the baby is still in there, and we still have a chance, until we went in for the sonogram.

The doctor asked me a few questions, How many weeks? First pregnancy? Planned? I answered everything as fast as a speeding bullet so that she can get the sonogram machine moving to see what was going on in there. Then she asked me again… ‘How many weeks are you?’ I reply waiting for some terrible news just by her facial expressions; I’m a little over 6 weeks actually 6 weeks 5 days to be exact. She then explained that is not possible, the sac was measuring at 4 weeks and there was no heartbeat. She began on explaining all these medical terminologies and all I could think about was this baby that I had been nurturing, protecting, planning the future for was dying on us. All I could as her was why this was happening, is there any chance that this baby will catch up? She then told me we just had a chemical Pregnancy and continued to tell me there was no way that I was 6 weeks pregnant.

I was so frustrated that I continued to explain to this doctor that we were charting so I know exactly when I ovulated and I have normal cycles, but everything I was explaining to her was going in one ear and out the other. All I kept hearing was you must have conceived another day, not the day you think. After the trans-vaginal sonogram she sent me to do blood work so they can test my beta (HCG) levels to determine if the baby was either growing or getting ready for the miscarriage.

A woman’s Beta (HCG) levels should be increasing daily in your first trimester. This is the only way to determine if there are any problems in any pregnancy. The doctor will request you to do blood work at least a day apart and then compare the results. Here is a graph of what it should look like:

On Wednesday I went back to the doctor’s office because the pain was too much and the bleeding began to get heavier. At this point I already knew we were going to m/c. I already had it in my mind and was ready to hear that. My first beta test came back at 565 and the second one at 195, which means there is no hope from here. They explained to us our options of either having a D&C or a natural miscarriage. Due to the fact that I was very early in the pregnancy and we wanted to start trying again right away I decided to have the natural miscarriage. They explained everything to us and the doctor continued to tell me that it was a chemical pregnancy.

That night was the worst night ever, I already knew what was happening to my baby and there was nothing that I could do or have done to prevent this from happening. Now was the waiting game.

Every time I would use the restroom I would look to see if anything was there, a sac a blood cot anything but all I would see is a toilet full of blood. No full maxi pads, just a toilet full of blood. By Thursday afternoon the cramps had gone away and the Bright red bleeding was dark brown spotting. I knew it was over.

I began to research Chemical Pregnancy (CP) and realized this is not what happened to us. Unfortunately CP is very common. 50 to 60% of first pregnancies end in miscarriage very early in pregnancy. Most occur without the woman even knowing that she was pregnant. We had a sac formed without the embryo, so this means it was not a CP but a Blighted Ovum.

This morning was my follow up appointment and everything went just fine, everything was clear in the sonogram and I should be receiving my beta results by tomorrow afternoon to double check that they are under 50.

My Period should arrive within the next 4 weeks and we will begin TTC after that.