A Sock Story.

I'm not superstitious. At all. I am; however, a firm believer in doing things that make you happy.

When we began our IVF journey last summer, friends and family were very supportive. They shared words of encouragement and prayed, but they didn't know what else to do for us.

I shared a story with my girlfriends about a woman who had asked her friends to buy her a pair of silly, fun socks to wear to her appointments while she underwent fertility treatments. I loved the idea, so I asked my girlfriends if they would be willing to do the same for me. I figured if I had to have my feet up in the air, I (the nurses & doctors) may as well be a little entertained.

I was amazed at the number of friends that immediately gave me a pair of socks (my BFF gave me two), and it immediately became a "must" to wear a different pair each time. I've received lots of comments from the nurses and my doctor about the socks. Mr. Bossy even joined the fun and gave me a new pair in my stocking at Christmas and one in my Easter Basket yesterday!

I recently read online that the actor who plays Dr. Spencer Reed in Criminal Minds wear mismatched socks for luck in real life. I'm definitely doing this on Friday and for our transfer.
I figure we can use all the luck we can get!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow.....

It's only a day away!!

I jinxed myself in my last blog when I wrote that the first week on BCPs flew by because the second week took F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

Tomorrow I'll return to my RE to see if my BCPs have shrunk the cyst. It needs to be less than 12 mm for us to proceed safely. I'm so scared and anxious. Mr. Bossy & I have waited to move on since December, and I'm not a very patient person.

My nephew will be making his debut in a couple of weeks. My SIL told me yesterday that she'll probably be induced the week after Easter since he's getting bigger and she has such a small frame. It's funny how two months ago, I was super excited about being an aunt. I was getting used to the situation. Still extremely jealous, but getting more and more excited. I spoke with my SIL about our FET plans, and she couldn't have cared less. That broke my heart. With our "bump in the road", I've noticed myself slipping back to my old feelings. I feel like things are just not working out for Mr. Bossy and I, and I often throw myself a pity party.

Something else I've noticed about myself is I'm no longer as open about our infertility and doctor business with family and friends. I never told the world, but I shared with certain people. Recently, I've been keeping pretty quiet. I figure if people want to know, then they'll ask.

I'm going to close this blog with a song that I know we can all relate to. Grab some tissues.






Bossy Bud

Finally!!!

Aunt Flo arrived yesterday!! After cramping for almost a week, she finally showed her face. I have to admit, I was starting to wonder if we had succeeded on our own this cycle. But- she finally arrived, and I'm totally fine with it.

Now, it's time to get this show on the road! I immediately phoned my favorite nurse, and she instructed me to begin my BCPs on Thursday. I will take my last one on Thursday, March 8th. My first appointment for our FET is Monday, March 12th. I'm also supposed to begin retaking my metformin tonight. Who would have ever thought that I would be SO stinkin' excited about Aunt Flo showing AND starting BCPs?! As Mr. Bossy said to me this morning- "It's babymakin' time!"

I am also so excited for my sister buds!

Diva- I think about you every day! You've got this, girly! Sending you tons of positive vibes and sticky mojo. :)

Buckeye- I'm so glad that you were able to meet with your new RE, and you were finally given a diagnosis. What a relief you must have felt!

Curly- Glad to see you and Baby Curly are doing well! I was beginning to wonder where you've been.

Bossy Bud

In God's Time

I heard this song today and it reminded me so much of this journey we are/have all been on. If you are not a fan of country music than you might not like this. But I am a HUGE fan of country music and Randy Houser so I have fallen in love with this song. It makes me cry......A LOT :(

Why I outed myself

After spending much time on a variety of TTC, TTTC, and IF boards online, I realized I am significantly in the minority. It isn't because I am in about the 10% in my age group unable to get pregnant for no reason. It is because the majority of my family, as well as my close friends and some co-workers know that we are having difficulty conceiving and are seeking IF treatment. I am definitely one of a small number of women that I have met on the boards that is this open and I wouldn't take it back at all. My reasons for letting everyone know in general is simply I am very open person. All my family and friends knew that Mr. Planner Bud and I wanted children early in our marriage, so I definitely expected the "When?" question soon after our marriage. I had no problem telling them "Soon". Sadly, we realized soon wasn't coming soon enough and I began to think about who I should tell and how. I started with my family.

My mother and I have always been incredibly close and she quickly began to notice how upset I was month after month. It wasn't until about 6 months of trying that I really opened up her and talked about all the things I have learned about my body and myself. I felt a huge weight lift of my shoulders. I was finally able to open to someone in person. The boards were great, but the person-to-person contact was missing. I let her know that it was okay for the rest of my family to know if they asked questions. I know my aunt and her talk about grandchildren often. It never crossed my mind to keep this private from my small, but close family. The support I
gained over this past cycle supports this decision even more.

When I first started TTC, one of my friends was as well. We became a support for each other early. It was great to have someone in the same boat, until she got pregnant a few months in. It was difficult, but she was still there. I also have a super close friend at work who I have been very open with. She is the one I go to when AF shows up mid-day and I need to cry, she is the one who is by my side for every baby announcement at work (and there are many...damn fertile faculty).

My IF has even began a new relationship with a co-worker. Sensing that I could be dealing with IF, she reached out via private message on Facebook. Even though she is nearing the end of her journey, she is more than willing to answer my inane questions and fears.

This leads me to my most difficult decision: What do I do about IF and work? I am a teacher so if I have to come in late or leave in the middle of the day, I need to have someone to cover for me. Also with economy the way it is, cuts are imminent at the end of the year. For these reasons, I felt it was important that my principals and team leaders knew what was going on.

After getting my dx of IF, I set up a meeting with the principal and explain that we are struggling with IF and will need to go for treatment. Luckily there have been others dealing with this issue (including the friend who reached out to me). He just asked that I try to schedule the appointments with a thought about my schedule and try to get coverage within the building. This lead me to talking to my team leaders. Both of these people I am very close to and both knew that we were having difficulty.

Though many people are now involved in our IF journey, I wouldn't have it any other way. I have amazing support group around me and I am very lucky. I know for many women this is an incredibly private problem, to them I say try to find a support group. It doesn't have to be as open as mine; it could be a single friend or a RESOLVE support group. Either way, it is beyond helpful to have someone to turn to.

I am not alone!

Ladies I knew with all of you out there, that I wasn't alone, but there were definitely times that I felt that way with Mr. PB. While is Mr. PB is oddly sensitive at time, he is not one who lets his feelings out. I have known that he wants kids, but I never really believed that this long road we have been on was bothering him. That is until this past week. We were filling out forms for our RE appointment at the end of the month, and I was reading off a list of infertility treatments for men. With each one I read, he got more and more quiet. Afterward, he went downstairs and did not talk to me much that night. This weekend we went to an anniversary party for a family friend at her son and daughter-in-laws. This couple has a cute little girl almost one year old. I spent a good twenty minutes holding and playing with her; Mr. PB even held her for a bit (before her lip started to poke out and her eyes welled up). It wasn't until we got home that he said "This sucks." Though not much, it was the first time he every expressed frustration at this whole situation. We spent a good amount of time discussing it and how hard it is. It was absolutely amazing to hear that it was so difficult for him. Do I want him to be upset? Absolutely not. But I can't help but admit that it was nice to hear that I am not the only one bothered by this.

We are both looking forward to our appointment on the 28th. I really hope I can cancel, but a huge part of me knows this isn't going to happen. Oh well we will see what happens. It is just nice to know I have a real partner in this. You ladies are great and all and I absolutely need your support, but nothing matches being held by the guy who knows everything about you and will support you anyways.