Should Have Known

So no working out this last week or this :( which is not what I wanted. I should have figured something was up when I kept sleeping all day and night last week. I swear I couldn't get enough sleep. I was like the walking dead. Dark circles, super pale skin, walking all slow like. UGH!

Trust me I was getting sleep and a lot of it... like 12 plus hours and still would wake up and feel like I had gotten no sleep. I couldn't understand why or what was going on.

Well, then last week it finally hit me... my chest starting hurting and bad and getting heavy. Three hours had passed and I still didn't feel better... actually worse. So I finally called my husband who called to try and get me in urgent care... no such luck.

So ER here we come. Got to the ER and I got out of the car to walk to the door and by the time I got to the door I couldn't even breath. I ended up getting put into some special room and they did what they needed to do.

Well, found out I had bronchitis with the onset of pneumonia :( So it's ten days of meds and by the way they cause cracked heels, loss of appetite etc. Well, I can breath better and my chest isn't in pain, but with no desire to eat I feel weak and tired still. I am hoping that next week will be better and I can get back to the gym.

I blame it on the fluctuating weather here... I am not use to the cold and rain and everything else. I will just have to be patient and it will take time to get use too.

So I back at the gym and loving it... well for the most part. I will admit the first day back I thought I would die doing cardio again.

I mean seriously I struggled just to do ten minutes... are you kidding me. UGH!

But then I realized it was mind over matter. How bad do I want this. I mean I have sacrificed so much already for a child I don't even know... a child I dream of having... so what's holding me back.

And when I finally decided it was not only for health, but for my dream of having a child I was reminded I would do anything for my child... so the next day I kicked it up a notch.

Shockingly in three days I was up to two miles and by the end of the week I was doing 27 minutes of cardio. And on Friday I spent two hours at the gym... not all on the elliptical, but I did the toning tables and weight machines. I was so darn proud of myself... I couldn't believe it.

Then I took Saturday, Sunday & Monday off and by Monday I was missing the gym. But my hubby had the day off and wanted to spend it with me... so no gym that day. Boy was I glad to go today, but ended up smacking myself for not eating before going cause I caused myself to end my workout sooner than I wanted :(

I guess there is tomorrow... and I do plan to eat something before going... I mean normally I do... I am not sure what I was thinking today lol.

Well, I'd say I am off to a pretty good start getting back into my routine. Can't wait for my first weigh in and measurements... so I can see my progress :)

Take care everyone.. HUGS Cupcake Bud

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My Naughty Plan

well my plan was to put things on a back burner, but let's just say I sorta, maybe, kinda put them there and forgot about them. Yeah, I did. And that was pretty rather naughty to me.

I did have intentions of taking a break because I knew we had to PCS, but with the date constantly changing, things going crazy, trying to work, dealing with school... blah blah blah blah... I had to make a choice. The stress was so bad that my face was horribly broken out, I actually got some gray hairs, I was feeling sick, and some other things. I don't every remember being so stressed in all my life. So I had to put blogging, schooling, and other things on hold.. cause I just couldn't do it anymore. Not till after we finished with the whole moving thing.

But we are finally in our house and pretty much unpacked (minus a few boxes)... so now my life is finding some normalcy and I couldn't be happier. I started school back up, my acne is better, and I don't feel so stressed :) Plus hey I am back to blogging. However, the most important thing today was that I went and got a gym membership :) Which I am super excited about cause I want to get back on track with TTC naturally and kicking PCOS in the butt.

So that is just a quick update for now on why I've been gone for so long... I would of said something sooner, but I had no internet for a long time either... which didn't help. Anywhootie, I hope all of you are doing well and hope I can catch up on where everyone is at.

Hugs to all,

Cupcake Bud

PS. I actually was happy to discover I hadn't gained any weight during this time... hooray for me.

The worst feeling...

Well, here I am... 15 days away from what would've been my EDD. I feel like crap. I think I am doing a pretty good job at keeping it together, what with all the Baby Shower pics being posted on FB, and the fact that Similac decided to send me a sample box in the mail today (AHHH!!!!!). These constant reminders really SUCK. And there is nothing I can do about any of it. What also sucks is the fact that AF is still MIA. F.M.L.!!!!!

I am really trying to stay positive and remember that things will get better. I visited the Doctor on Monday in preparation for a diet program I will be starting at the end of this week. He is a former gynocologist who has started a special diet program. I told him about my situation with PCOS and my MC. He told me that the two best ways to get my PCOS under control are to take my metformin and lose weight, and they both go hand in hand. He advised that I start taking one, 500mg, pill a day to start, and work my way up to the 2 500mg a day. He also said that the good news is I know I can get pregnant, and he believes it will happen again. He said he would run all my blood tests and look for even the smallest issue with my thyroid, etc. to make sure that is not a contributing factor. Honestly, it seems VERY promising, and I am hopeful. Once I get started on this, and get a grip on it, I think I'll officially make my appointment at the IVF clinic to run tests there, and start seeing what else I can do to help my situation.

Thankfully, this (and work) is keeping me so busy that I don't have much time to think about my Pity Party... but I know I will not be able to forget. It's going to be difficult, but I just have to get through this and keep my eye on a positive future.

It is what it is...

And here it is...




A BFN. As expected. Last period was May 27th, and that's all there is to say about that.

I am going for a consultation with a Doctor that assists with weight loss. Apparently, he used to be a Gynecologist and is familiar with PCOS and such... Maybe I will finally be able to take control of this body of mine. I have been overweight my entire life, and lately it's a bit out of control. I am tired of it ruling my life, and I want to be healthy.

I am also in the process of making an appointment with the Fertility Clinic. Got a call back today, so just need to set something up and give them my insurance info.

Other than that, nothing to report. As I said, it is what it is. Maybe I'll have something better to say next week after my appointment.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Eating Success (Continued)

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So I measured myself yesterday and I have lost 2.5 inches in my waist and hips, 2" in my thighs and .5" in my chest, I hopefully will stop losing in my chest because lets be honest I don't have much of one to begin with!! This is also with me being not strict at all for the past two weeks of birthday celebration between myself, my MIL and Mr. EB! It is rough having so many birthdays together!!

I was talking with Mr. EB about when we would reschedule our appointment with the new RE and I think we will go for next month. That way maybe we can get things going again before the new year. Not sure what the new RE will say but maybe he will find a reason that the first two didn't work.

This weekend I am off to Lake Tahoe for a Sprint Triathlon with a childhood friend which I am stoked to be doing it with her but a wee bit nervous as I haven't trained like I should have. Who knows I may surprise myself and not do half bad!!

Eating Success

I have been going strong on my Paleo eating and I am starting to see the results of my resisting all those delicious sugary treats that I love when I want to eat my emotions!! I have lost 3 inches in my waist and 1 inch in my hips with very limited exercise. I feel soo much better and more alert during the day and sleeping more soundly at night which makes sitting at a computer and reading legal documents a lot easier to do!! I haven't noticed yet a decrease in facial hair yet but I am sure I will notice that again soon. I am not incredibly hairy but I do need to wax my upper lip which is obnoxious to say the least!!

I was visiting with my friend that just went through her first round of IVF she gave me a copy of the book "Making Babies" that Diva Bud was talking about so I am going to get started reading that and returned a great book that I forgot about called, "What to Do When You Can't Get Pregnant". This is a great book that explains all the processes that you could go through in diagnosing infertility, what your OBGYN will do, when to move to an RE and an excellent description of every procedure you may encounter from blood work to IVF w/ ICSI. I would highly recommend it to anyone that doesn't know much about the procedures or what their next steps should be in the TTC process.

The next few weeks I will be busy reading up on some more holistic TTC methods and getting my eating and weight loss goals met. Oh baby sounds like fun!!

Long Time

So I know it's been awhile, but the moving process is starting to take into full effect and I've been a bit distracted with that to even attempt to focus on the fact that I am on a mission to TTC. I know that probably sounds horrible that I could possibly be distracted from something I desire... no crave is more like it.

Isn't this the one thing I've been wanting for so long. I'd say 8 years is a long time and I can't believe I'm that distracted from it. I hope that doesn't make me bad... either way I will have to try and not beat myself up over it. Cause honestly it might do me some good to be a tad bit distracted lol.

So I've lost 5 pounds this last week... perhaps it's all the out and about things etc. So that is good for me as that is my goal right now. I also went to doctor who is going to check some of my levels do just do a follow up and then he will schedule me to see and endo doc so I can have those labs rechecked... since it's been a while since I have. However, I may have to wait to do that part till I get to where we are moving. As it is less then five weeks away that we hit the road to head out.

We may turn it into a road trip or we may just decided to head straight through so we can get everything squared away and then site see where we are moving too. Hey it would give us some time to get to know this new place we will have to call home... well that is until the military decides to have us move again.

Another note... on my natural approach. For those who saw my other post know I've switched to Burt's Bee for my body care and I still love it. The more time that has passed of me using it I love it even more. I wish I would have done it sooner. Anyways, I even went a step further and I've switched my make up as well. I found a make-up that is free of parabens, phthalates, SLS and petrochemicals. And I am in love with that as well. I am shocked at well it works and lasts on the face... even more since it's been so humid here. Most of the time it wears off and looks awful, but not with this one. My face has noticed a difference :) which is wonderful.

Next we are switching our laundry detergent and household cleaners and soaps (hand) too. I am not only doing this because it is better in general for my health, but in hopes of balancing my hormones out again and also having my estrogen balance out. That is one major culprit in infertility and miscarriages before 6 weeks. Which I've had two of during that time... and I've been told it's because my progesterone is not high enough... which is probably cause of the estrogen dominance. And all those chemicals I am eliminating mimic estrogen when it enters our bodies :( So I am hoping that helps me in my natural approach.

Well, I hope I haven't rambled to much, but it's been awhile and I am trying to make up for time I've been gone. I hope you are all well.

Wishing everyone baby dust who is still TTC.

Hugs

SLS Free

Just wanted to stop in and let you all know how things are going. Besides being stressed a tad bit with trying to get things together to move and trying to find another job (so I have one when I get to where we are moving) and finding the right time to quit my job here.... everything's just peachy :)

After losing some inches I started to get bloated... which is a plus cause I honestly think my Aunt Flo is trying to stop by for a visit. So that would be nice for that to happen. It's been a couple months so I do need it to start.

Other than that I am trying to add more to my workout routine too... such as swimming :) which is always fun. Now that the sun is out it's time to go to the pool.

On a side note I am trying to switch over to SLS Free Shampoo's, conditioners, body wash and make-up etc. I've been doing some research and finding that staying away from products with SLS in them is highly recommended for those with PCOS. Probably good if we all did, but some Cyster's have seen their PCOS symptoms improve by eliminating SLS in the things they use. They've had great outcomes with their cycles and ovulation and with the over production of estrogen... which causes issues with fertility and miscarriages. So it's worth a try for me since I'm trying to do things naturally and faith.

So far I've tried shampoo and already feel a difference in one wash. We will see what happens after a while of using it.

I hope all of you are doing well.

PS I can't wait for the move to be done with :)

Inches Yes, Pounds No

So it's been a crazy couple weeks for me. Been trying to get back into the groove of things, but that's been a challenge in itself. With working, trying to work out and moving it's been a mess.

They, being the military, keep moving the things around with the move date and things we have to do.... which doesn't help cause you can't do anything until they get things straight. So we finally know where we are moving and now we are starting all the paperwork process. Then before you know it we will be moving. I hope you will be patient with me as I trying to make it through this moving process... :) pretty please.

So on to sorta good news on my progress. I haven't lost any weight, nor have I gained... so that is a major plus. BUT I have lost inches... not that I've measured myself, but usually when I put my pants on fresh after being washed they are tight... this time they weren't. Then I put my shorts on from last year that were tight... and guess what.... yeap they weren't :) so happy. I've learned you can't just go by the scale when trying to loose weight cause sometimes the inches go and sometimes the pounds go. I am happy either way. Makes me feel good.

The other thing that is sorta good is I think my AF is trying to start... which yeah I still haven't gotten. I think it is because of stress. Which is shocking cause I didn't realize I was stressed. I handle things pretty well and with my job (that most think is stressful) I feel it is a stress reliever. I know call me weird, but my friend says I just handle it so well that I can overlook the fact that I am :( and that would explain why I am so tired, run down, and perhaps why I haven't gotten my cycle yet. So I've promised to do something... like take a bubble bath or sit out by the pool every week... to help relax my body :)

Well, I hope you all are doing good... and if not I pray things will turn around. I have to catch up on everyone's stuff :( sorry. It's just been crazy and it will till I get things sorted out with this move and whatnot's.



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Juggling Life's Craziness

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My life is a bit crazy right now. For starters I had my doctors visit and I am NOT pregnant..... ugh. On top of finding that out my husband and I also found out we are moving... not a side I will often share on here... but my husband is in the military. So with all of that and trying to get things together to move it's been a mad house in here.

I seriously meant to write last week, but the week got away from me and on top of that it was an emotional crasher for me... so much so my body went in shut down mode. I slept almost a whole day and then some. My body had had enough apparently.

And other news that is not fertility related is that I am going to be in a wedding come next year (my sisters --- I am the maid of honor)... so I really need to loose this weight. So I am hoping this will give me the extra push to keep up with the weight loss. I don't want to look fat in the dress I have to wear... but if I have a baby bump I'll be more than a 100% fine with that.

So I am getting back on track of getting my weight down and getting PCOS under control.... hopefully this will be enough distraction to help keep my mind off of wondering if I am pregnant or not.... I just need to go with the flow to reduce my stress level.

So between packing, moving, making wedding invites, jewelry pieces for wedding and other preps for the wedding... along with loosing weight... I should be more than distracted :)

On with the show... I will keep you posted on how my weight loss is going and hopefully I will get my next cycle... yeah I never got that yet either, but they said it might be due to stress. Nurse is probably right... cause now that things are starting to calm down I feel like I might get it.

Hope you all are doing fabulous. And I am sorry about being so late with posting... my life is doing a 360 on me something fierce. But I am strong :) and I can do this.

Hiatus & New Experiment

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Sorry for the long hiatus I think that it just took me a few weeks to figure out what was next, what I would start to blog about that was all negative and bitter. Mr. Explorer Bud and I have a new "Experiment" for our TTC plan. My mom's friend's father, I know a bit confusing but hang in there, was an animal nutritionist and worked closely with farmers during breeding season. When the animals were having difficulty conceiveing/performing both female and male they would put the animals on a high dosage of vitamin E and wheat germ oil. So the friend is also involved with nutrition and such for humans and suggested that Mr. Explorer Bud and I go on 1000 IU of natural vitamin E, Stress B Complex vitamins and eat fruits, veggies and lean meats we would be able to conceive. So instead of instantly being pissed that another know-it-all know-nothing is spouting thier unsolicited advice about a topic they are not familiar with I would do a little research myself on the subject and maybe it would work. Besides what else do I have to do since I don't have any other plan in place.


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After some research I found that yes high doses of vitamin E and B-Complex vitamins along with a high dose of vitamin C, Zinc & Copper, and L-arginine have shown to increase fertility in both males and females. Studies have shown that the various vitmains have helped increase sperm count, motility and increased the number of couples that conceived. For females it has shown that it helps to regulate your hormones/period and produce healthier eggs. Although we still have the major issue with 1% morphology which still puts us in the IF with ICSI category but maybe they help with that as well and can allow us to try IUI which would be cheaper.

So the Experiment is we will take the high dose of vitamins for the next 3 months and then have Mr. EB redo his SA to see how his sperm are looking since it takes 3 months to regenerate new sperm. If this works awesome, if it doesn't work then it wasn't all that expensive and doesn't hurt anything or set our timeline back any for future IVF/ICSI attempts. Mr. EB wants to lose about 40 lbs so maybe in that time he will be able to lose some if not all, since he is a guy and can lose weight if he thinks about dieting, and I would love to lose about 10 to 15 lbs as well so in 3 months we should be a couple of hotties hopped up on vitamins!!

I want my body back

Here is a short recap of my weight gain/weight loss over the last two years

• April 2009 120 lbs
• December 2009 182 lbs
• May 2010 124 lbs
• September 2010 140 lbs
• December 2010 129 lbs
• February 2011 138 lbs
• Today 133 lbs

It's been 2 years since I felt good in my skin. Like, really felt good. Two years ago this April I found out I was pregnant with Little PB&J Bud. After the shock of a BFP wore off I swore I was going to remain healthy and fit throughout my pregnancy. I was already working out regularly and eating a healthy, well balanced diet. So it wouldn't have be an adjustment to maintain that lifestyle for the next 40 weeks. Ha. That mentality lasted for about 5 minutes. Morning sickness set in and there wasn't much I could eat. And if I could stomach it, chances are it wasn't healthy. And by the time my first trimester (and morning sickness) was over, I had embraced my less than ideal diet and lack of exercise. Unfortunately this lifestyle continued well after Little PB&J Bud was born. But even with my poor eating habits, I did manage to get within 4 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight while BFing. It was great! I dropped the 60 lbs I gained during my pregnancy without having to adjust my lifestyle!

However, once I stopped BFing in May of 2010 (and continued eating bad and not exercising) the weight crept back on. By September I weighed an all time high of 140 lbs. I had gained 16 lbs! And my boobs went from a size D back to an A. I had an enormous ass and small boobs. WTF. I was in such a rut, that I began to accept my new body. I had always been a skinny girl and very active, but I had just kinda given up, ya know? I felt uncomfortable in anything other than an oversize t-shirt and yoga pants. I loathed having to get dressed and leave the house. Often I would have a mini break down (complete with tears and all) trying to find an outfit that didn't make me feel like a stuffed sausage. It sucked. Finally I had enough, and about 10 months after Little PB&J Bud was born I decided to give the South Beach Diet a go. It was great. I dropped lbs fast, slimmed down, felt better about myself and I had finally found the motivation to get the weight off. I dropped about 11 lbs! And then I got pregnant! Something we had been trying for for so long! And then I lost the baby. Sigh. And that motivation I had found was lost too. I fell right back into my old habits and over the next three months I gained 9 lbs. I ate bad, didn't exercise and didn't much care about the cellulite that had now moved to the fronts of my thighs. Yes, you read that right, the fronts of my thighs.

About three weeks ago I came to the realization that I CAN feel good about my body again. No, it probably won't be what it once was, prior to Little PB&J. But that doesn't mean I can't have a positive body image. And then I came to another conclusion. I shouldn't be so critical of my body. My body IS an amazing thing. It carried and nurtured Little PB&J Bud for 40 weeks and it did a pretty darn good job, if I do say so myself. My body has allowed me to get this far in life and still remain relatively healthy, even if I didn't always take the best care of it. So what if I don't look like Gisele Bundchen with my clothes off? And so what if I will never been a size 0 again? But I can (and I should) take better care of my body. Sometimes I still hard on myself, and this new mentality is not always easy to embrace. But I am trying to be less critical.

I have gotten back on the South Beach Diet and I have been working out 4 to 5 times a week. It's wonderful to get my motivation back! But I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared that I will fall back into my old habits when I get my BFP. I am afraid that I will let my diet get out of control and I will pack the weight back on. It's especially a concern since I have PCOS making weight loss exceptionally hard. And I feel a little guilty to admit that I am looking forward to not having to share my body with a fetus in my ute. While I welcome pregnancy and it still is my ultimate goal, I want to be done with it. I want to put the chapter of growing babies behind me. I am ready to get my body back. Both in the sense of getting fit and in the sense that my body belongs to me and only me.

Oh and screw you Gisele for being such a freak of nature.

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PB&J Bud :)

Is It Ovulation?

So I am going to switch back to gluten-free cause I just felt so much better on that. I lost about another 5 pounds since aunt flo left. So on that note I've felt this twinging of pain and it makes me wonder if I'm ovulating? That would be awesome if that is what the pain was :) but of course with that comes the creeping fears of miscarriage.

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What is more frustrating is I thought I was beyond that... thought I was okay and ready for this. Don't get me wrong I am, but those fears are creeping back in about will I make it past those 6 weeks and if I do will my anxiety fears calm down? Will I not feel peace until I hold the bundle of joy in my arms. UGH!

All these thoughts have been getting me down the last few days... which I don't want. So I had a long talk with God and I just have to put it in his hands. I have to put complete trust that he will take care of me and the miracle my heart so desires... and know it will be okay if I get pregnant this cycle.

I can't help [despite the fears of miscarriage & thinking I wanted to wait two more cycles] hope that I will get pregnant this cycle. And as the days near the end of this cycle I am hoping I get a BFP. I don't think that hope really ever leaves when TTC... even though I say next time I won't get my hopes up or set them to high, but I do anyways... every time without fail.

So as I wait out these last weeks I will wait and see if my next cycle starts or just maybe [hoping] I get a BFP.

Remember Me?

Let me reintroduce myself, I am PB&J Bud and I am a blogger for Bloomin' Babies. Ok, I know it hasn't been that long but I feel like it has been an eternity since I last posted. I am in the middle of a three week vacation in FL (well I don't know if vacation is the right word. I am visiting family), Little PB&J is sick for the first time EVER and I have had internet service issues. Those are my excuses, will you please accept my apology for my lack of posting? :)

Anyway, since I don't have the possibility of getting pregnant this cycle (remember, I am on a three week "vacation" and away from Mr. PB&J......and his sperm) I decided that I would still be proactive in working toward my goal of getting KTFU. At my last doctor's appointment I was diagnosed with PCOS which basically means my ovaries suck. There is no cure for PCOS, but it is possible to manage PCOS by changes in lifestyle. I have been reading up on the condition and there is evidence that by losing 5% of my body weight some sort of medical magic happens and I can increase my chances getting pregnant. Sounds scientific, huh? I can't remember the exact reasoning why losing weight is good but it has something to do with my blood sugar regulating which in turn helps my ovaries spit out eggs. Typically, people who suffer from PCOS also suffer insulin resistance issues so a GI (gylcemic index) diet is recommended. Meaning I need to cut the cake and cookies. Even the french fries gotta go. And it's recommended that I exercise.

Blah.

Ugh.

Great. This is a recipe for disaster. I hate dieting and exercising. Especially at the same time. Is it me, or am I the only one who turns into a total bitch when they decide to make "lifestyle" changes? I suppose it's for the best. I still need to lose about 10 lbs to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight from Little PB&J. But dang it, I was using my impending pregnancy as my excuse as to why I wasn't getting off my ass and dropping the weight. It's kind of defeating to work toward a goal of weight loss when I know that I will be putting the weight right back on in the near future with my next pregnancy. Well folks, this excuse is why I am still lugging around those extra 10 lbs. I have been TTC for almost 1 year and I could have easily dropped those lbs by now. Easily. So, I have decided to suck it up and get off my ass. And put the cookies down. Anything to help the TTC process. The weight lost will just be an added benefit.

Surprisingly, I have been good about working out. Really good. Even on "vacation". But my eating? Not so much. I have a good day and then someone offers me a piece of cake and I cave (like tonight)........and then I say eff it, I already blew my diet for the day, gimme some of that ice cream too. But tomorrow is a new day and I am praying for self control.

I.must.stay.away.from.cake.and.ice.cream.

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Cupcake Bud's Challenge

Being that my journey is the natural route when it comes to TTC I've decided to set a challenge (or perhaps some would call it a goal) for myself. I decided I wanted to see how many days in a row I could stay eating healthy. I've decided I won't eat anything fried, or sweets or drink soda. Eliminating these types of food altogether will help me accomplish my goal faster.

I've done it before and it became so natural not to eat it... so much I didn't even crave it. But after the miscarriage and putting the weight back on and not caring what I ate... I've opened the door for those awful cravings... and I want to close it again.

So starting today I will see how many days in a row I can do this :) and NO cheat days... if I do I will have to start the counter all over again. I want to at least make it to 100 days if possible. I know that is a lot, but I think I can do it.

Below is my counter to keep track of how many days it's been:

On a side note: to explain a little more why Mr. Cupcake Bud and I decided to go natural was because we tried drugs and other things... and they all failed us. I was tired of hearing all the things I couldn't do or how hard everything will be for me blah blah blah... gotta love PCOS.

However, I didn't want to hear it anymore and did my own research and came across a lot of research studies of how natural supplements/herbs helped ladies with PCOS reverse their symptoms and get pregnant. I felt it was worth a try after all because how can it be bad to try... boy was I glad I did. Not only did my symptoms go away and I was feeling much healthier, but I got pregnant :)

So this is why I am doing it the natural way again.

Introducing Cupcake Bud

Once upon a time in the cold land of dairy and cheese (aka Wisconsin) a girl and boy met at McDonald’s orientation. It was love at first sight for the boy, but the girl was a little unsure. Well, after a few shifts together the girl asked the boy to prom and from that day forward she knew they were destined to be together.

After 3 proms, graduations and everything in between the boy (now a young man) proposed to the girl (now a young lady) at their church... in front of all their church family during testimony time. The young man never gave a testimony and the young lady was confused and then became shocked when it was about her. The young man even made sure her mom and dad were there to see it.

Of course she said yes they had the date picked out and things reserved well in advance (almost 2 years in advance), but then September 11 happened and everything changed. The date he had to leave was before their original date they picked, but he wanted nothing more than to marry his high school sweetheart before leaving... and hearing this melted her heart... so they pushed the date up and were married on Valentine’s Day becoming Mr and Mrs Cupcake Bud. Then in less then two weeks later he left basic training.

After basic training and tech school (which added up to 11 months of waiting) they were able to start their life together at their first duty station; and they lived happily ever after....

If only it were that easy... despite that we are still happily married (even after 9 years of marriage people think we are newlyweds) our dreams of having a Baby Cupcake Bud were crushed in mid 2003. A random doctors appointment turned into us being told that the doctor thought I had uterine cancer (all this assumption off of some hair patterning on my stomach). She told me I had to have and emergency ultrasound and tests and then in a week I’d probably be having a hysterectomy. My world turned upside down and in 2.9 seconds at that.

After waiting for the test results and walking in a haze that felt drug induced I finally got the call that I did not have cancer, but that I needed to see an endo specialist. The day we met with the endo doctor our life changed forever. I was told I had PCOS. At that time they hardly knew anything and what they did know wasn’t completely true. For years we went on thinking we could NEVER have a baby and the only possibility of having a baby would mean fertility treatments and drugs and a whole lot a stress.

Of course we decided we’d go ahead and meet with an infertility specialist and start the process. Well, after lots of paper work, testing, charting days and months and then couple years went by and all that came of it was me feeling like a lab rat and our personal life invaded.... and I decided my body and spirit just could not take it any more. My light was about to be extinguished and I wanted to find me again.

This is when Mr. Cupcake Bud and I decided that we wanted to take a break and put it in God’s hands. We fully believe He can make the impossible possible. So, I did some researching on PCOS on my own. It was then that I wanted to try the natural route because I was reading a lot of ladies with PCOS had success getting pregnant. So I cleared out the fridge headed to the store and bought vitamins, supplements and new food. I also bought myself a gym membership and started working out. Four months later and 50+ pounds lighter my husband came home for mid tour and of course any military wife probably knows what happens then ;)

Well, the day before Christmas we found out we were pregnant. It was our little miracle and I can’t explain how excited I was and how thankful to God I was. Mr. Cupcake Bud had to go back overseas to finish his time. Leaving Cupcake Bud all alone... again. Which made what happened a few weeks later even harder to deal with. Cupcake Bud lost the little miracle cupcake and was crushed.

It was very hard to bounce back from and I subconsciously sabotaged myself because I was fearful that if I stepped foot on the treadmill or kept at my current weight or went down I would have to go through it all over again. And I just couldn’t do it. On the outside I was smiling and I was living my life, but inside fear was gripping me. Well, now two some years later I woke up and realized I put the weight back on and that who I saw was not me at all.

So Mr Cupcake Bud and I are jumping back on the TTC bandwagon. I am facing PCOS head on and going to get back control of what it took from me again. So here’s to my journey of going the natural route coupled with faith. I hope you all will join us on our journey and see another side to TTC that I know is not for everyone, but it’s what worked for us before and it will work for us again.

Many hugs, Cupcake Bud

Metformin 1 - Diva Bud 0

So I officially got my prescription for Metformin on Friday and began taking it on Sunday. Everything was going fine, I was taking one with breakfast, one with dinner (500mg each), and was feeling ok... until yesterday morning. I woke up, like normal, prepared my protein shake (part of my new diet/weight loss regimen), took my million vitamins, my metformin, got ready for work, and headed out... Sipping my shake as I went. About 30 minutes into my morning, I wasn't feeling so hot. I ended up going to the restroom and losing the little bit of the shake I had been able to get down and the partially dissolved multivitamin... (I know, gross - sorry). I felt queezy until I had lunch, and then I was fine. Yup... Metformin kicked my ass! My mistake? Taking too long to drink my shake after taking the medication. You are supposed to take it with food, and I just lagged on that a bit. It will get better, I am told.

But at least I lost 5lbs last week! So far so good :) and I am not even hungry! My Doc upped my protein intake and said that the combination of taking the metformin and the high level of protein will allow my body to break down the fat and gain more muscle, which is the goal. :) Let's raise our protein shakes to getting our bodies into baby-making shape!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

No Escape

Well hello blogosphere friends! It has been awhile since my last post. Life has been slightly crazy (although I suppose that is always the case). The last couple of weeks have kept pace with the last year or so, with the same themes emerging as always; 1) Fear about our employment situation, 2) Irritation about our forced inability to TTC at present, and 3) The ongoing desire to get my butt in gear and shape up! So an update in all of my regular categories;

1) EMPLOYMENT: Mr.Fitness Bud was passed on to the next phase of the hiring process for the job that he received a contingent offer for. This is GREAT news. We are fairly confident that he will make it to the end and receive the final offer, but again, after such a difficult year, it is hard to have much confidence in anything. He has a computer based test on Tuesday, and once he passes that, he will move on to the next phase of the process. Thoughts and prayers are welcomed and appreciated! As for me, I don't remember if I mentioned that I got a temporary extension of employment by way of being hired on as staff for the recount in our governor's race. This only buys me an extra month, but it is a lot less work than I was previously doing, and surprisingly enough, more pay, so I really can't complain. Timing is less than impeccable, since this position ends shortly before Christmas, but I am still hoping and praying that something else will come my way in the very near future. If the process goes quickly for Mr.FB, I will have significantly less worry about the timing of my own employment!

2) TTC: Like I said, there is no escape from the constant reminders that basically everyone around me is pregnant, and I am not. I went halfway across the country to visit a friend, whilst there, had lunch with another friend in the area, and what do you know, she announces that she is pregnant. Now, I really and truly could not be more happy for this friend. She is the best kind of person, and will be a wonderful mom. But it still stings, and I feel like a terrible person for feeling that way. I don't even venture onto Facebook much anymore, because I can hardly handle the easily 30% of my friends who are expecting or recently gave birth, and all of their glowing pregnancy pictures or cherubic photos of their little ones. Mr. FB and I talk constantly about how we wish it was our time. How we desperately want children. How he can't wait to be a dad, and how I hope that I have no trouble becoming a mom. I don't know if these conversations make it worse or better, but they are hard to avoid......we are in too deep now. We know this is what we want, and nothing will change it. I had my annual OB visit last week, and it was a sad reminder that my visit last year was a pre-conception visit. I have stopped charting, and just decided not to purchase more PNV's because it gives me false hope. Once this employment thing is worked out, I will go forward with gusto, but not now.

3) SHAPING UP - Well, I have no new pictures to post this week, but I have lost 3 pounds, so I feel good about that! Yesterday I splurged on a piece of pizza and a cake pop, but aside from that, I have been very good. I am actually excited about eating healthily, and excited that I will hopefully start seeing more results.

Until next time,

Fitness Bud.