Pity Party - Table for 1

I was planning on posting today about Mr. TB's urology appointment, but all I can think about is my temp drop today.  I finally got the results of my 7DPO blood work yesterday.  My progesterone was 11.3, which is better that the previous 7.35, but not by enough.  Apparently they want to see +10 for a regular cycle, but +15 for a medicated cycle, which mine was.  The Dr. wasn't in today, but the nurse is going to talk to her and call me today.  I don't think she'll do anything because she said that the 7DPO b/w will be too late for this cycle, and she said that she doesn't want to do anything with progesterone until after I get my thyroid checked out with the endocrinologist, which won't be until the end of cycle 9.  

I know that may not sound like a long time, but we also just had to push our appointment with the RE back as well, because Mr. TB can't make our original appointment.  That appointment is now May 10th, which won't be until the start of cycle 11.  So I'm just having myself a pity party.  This cycle is probably a bust, and it feels like the next 2 will be as well. 

I've also been eating like crap the last 2 days.  I've been crazing junk food like none other - fries, chips, soda, etc.  I'm sure I'm putting on weight which I really can't afford to do.  I was hoping that the crazing might mean something (even though I know that's ridiculous) but now I'm just mad at myself for giving in.  Blah.

So it begins again....

AF started to show her ugly head last night with just a little spotting. I totally broke apart. For some odd reason, I actually had hope that this cycle was the one. It would have been perfect timing in many different ways, but it is stupid to think about it now. I feel particularly bad for Mr. PB; I got into bed last and sobbed for a good half an hour. Now it wasn't just some tears; it was full on, little child someone stole my favorite stuffed animal and it stabbing it sobbing. I didn't even know I could still cry like that (I am slightly proud of myself). I have also become one of those cynical irrational women who hates all those who can bear children, even fictional characters (that sent me into another spell of hysterical crying).

With all that said, I guess it is onto cycle 9. I honestly never thought it would take this long. I guess I was idealistic and naive. Things like this happen to other people, not to me. However, no matter how I look at it. Here we are starting cycle 9 with no baby in sight. So what do we do now? I am going to begin acupuncture this cycle. I am not sure it will help, but it can't hurt. Since we have not been using bc for a year in October, I am planning on calling my OB to get some infertility testing. We really don't want to start trying treatments unless absolutely necessary.

I guess from here it is just more of the same. I am trying to stay positive, but it is getting harder each month. My hat goes off to you ladies who have been trying for much longer than we have. Any words of wisdom or advice you can give on surviving this are more than welcome. I don't know how much longer it will be until I just wave the white flag and go buy a new cat. We can be that crazy old cat couple. I am thinking maybe 15 or 20 will suffice.