Goals Being Met

Each year I have a goal to learn something new and to travel someplace new as well which has pushed me to expand my knowledge and talents and get to see some fun places. So I am putting becoming a certified Doula as meeting the "learn something new" goal I have. I have been loving the library lately becuase I can get as many books as I want on infertility and also on training to become a doula. Maybe becoming a doula is my way of coping or deflecting my obsessiveness about not being pregnant or doing any IVF.

I think it is facinating to learn about the pregnancy, birth and postpartem periods of having a baby maybe it fills that void of not having one. Strangely it doesn't make me sad to be reading, watching videos or talking about birth/babies. I will definately be very prepared when I do get pregnant and get ready to give birth that is for sure!!

I recently spoke with an older friend that I learned she had infertility issues as well but was from Japan and started her fertility treatments there and the different experiences she had with the various doctors. Also how she coped with not being able to get pregnant and not being able to even hold a baby without her breaking down in tears. It was interesting to compare our feelings and how we react to the same issues similarly or differently. I think I like to push myself into the uncomfortable situations like going to baby showers, holding babies, talking about our problems and chatting about how cute everyone's babies are becuase it makes me continue on with my life and not have the focus be on Mr. EB's and I's "Problem". For me I am a happier person when I can push forward through the tough stuff and at least fake it till I make it on the otherside of being happy with my life.

Bad Blogger

I must admit I have been a bad blogger. My life has been chaotic with all sort of things to fill my days.
DH got laid off finally. It sucks, but honestly, I am glad that the waiting game is over so we can't keep getting our hopes up for more time. Now we can just move on.

I also hosted a Twilight:New Moon premiere event with some friends, and while you can criticize me all you want about the fact that I am almost 29 and head-over-heels for a fictional vampire, I seriously had a ton of fun. Aside from the movie itself, it was just great to get together with people. I don't get to do it much, so I had a blast.

My quarter-life crisis is definitely in full-swing. Suddenly I feel as though I am truly looking at my life for the first time.....or maybe just more closely than I ever have before. Thinking about what I truly want, and why. Thinking about why I have become such a cynic. Realizing that the reason I haven't followed many of my dreams is because I was afraid of what people would think. Scared to NOT follow them anymore. I am putting myself out there. I have made it my goal to do at least one thing every day that scares me. Simple or small, no matter. Yesterday the thing that scared me was to go to the gym and do 10 miles on the bike. I didn't think I could. And I did. So today I am going to do 12. Because now I know that I can.

I also made an appointment for a consult on the tattoo that I want. I have a tattoo that I got on my 18th birthday from a place that gave 50% off tattoos on your 18th birthday....so needless to say, I am now ready for a cover-up! I have spent a LONG time deciding what I want to do and I finally came up with a design that is super meaningful and beautiful, and I hope to get myself inked really soon!

Lastly, I booked a trip to NYC in March. A good friend lives out there, and I have been wanting to see her for years, but schedule and money and all sorts of other excuses prevented me from going. Not this year. I am going. I realize there is a possibility that I could be KU at that point in time, but I am going regardless. I don't want another opportunity to pass me by. I also was invited to the Sundance Film Festival in January, and that one might be a little bit more of a stretch for me, but I am going to weigh it out and see if it is feasible.

In any case, the point of this long drawn-out post is to say that 1) I am still here and 2) If you get one message from this post at all, let it be this. Never ever ever give up on your dreams! We never know how much time we have....all of our days are numbered. So how will you live them??? In the words of Thoreau: "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined."

Pep talk concluded. Have a wonderful day!

Disappointed to say the very least.

So, in my last post, I mentioned that Mr. Snow Bud was sick, and that BD'ing during O would probably not happen... To say the least.

Yesterday Mr. Snow Bud received an email at work, basically stating that they have been overpaying him, and we now have to pay them back a few thousand dollars. They are the military, so apparently YES they can do this.

One of our goals to meet before TTC was to have X amount of dollars in our savings account. We pinched and saved and cut back on luxuries, and finally met that goal. Until yesterday.

Mr. Snow Bud came to me last night, asking if we should think about putting TTC on hold, until we are once again where we want to be with our savings account.

I understand what he's saying, I really do. In order to put that money into savings in the first place, we cut back on a lot of "fun" things. I rarely go shopping, he rarely goes out with the guys, we don't do coffee every morning, we order in more vs. going out because it's cheaper, etc. It wasn't easy. We were talking last night, saying how a part of feels as though we don't think about ourselves selfishly anymore, we don't decide to buy that new shirt, or to go out to lunch with friends, because we have less money. We are a single income family, and saving money is not an easy task.

So, now we have to make the decision. Do we put TTC on hold, once again sit on ourselves until we have the money re-saved? I know it's only a matter of a few months, but it is SUCH a let down. Part of me doesn't care, part of me is screaming that we will be okay, that we DO have enough in savings, that because of Mr. Snow Buds career, we do have free health care, my pregnancy essentially will not cost us anything, that he is in no danger of losing his job, that we still have a good amount of money in savings, and that we will be FINE. The other part of me knows that as a financially responsible adult, we should probably wait, re-save, and start TTC again, later. I know that once you do have a child, if this sort of thing happens, you don't have as easy an opportunity to save money like we do now.

So, here I am. Super bummed, conflicted, annoying, heartbroken. Mr. Snow Bud called last week and made an appointment with a financial planner on base to talk more about retirement plans, but I think now I'll tag along and possibly have them look in from the outside, and find out what is feasible for us.

Needless to say, Cycle #4 is definitely not going to be my cycle.

Priceless......

New BBT (after a failed search and rescue mission) - $8.00
Gummy-Vites with folic acid - $7.00
Stash of $Tree OPK's - $10.00
Having a very important TTC talk with the DH - Priceless!!!

I literally just got done venting on my favorite message board about how I was so frustrated that our TTC has been hampered by what seems like a futile job search. My sister just announced to me yesterday that she and BIL will be TTC and while I wanted to be excited, it made me so depressed because I was wishing that we were in the same place, but as of late it has seemed like TTC would be on hold for longer than anticipated.

Tonight DH and I talked though. He told me that he wants to start trying. It is a long story and a big conversation about how he reached this conclusion, especially since we have had some big goals for before TTC. We have accomplished almost all of them and the ones that remain are ones that he feels confident will be taken care of very soon. Sooooooo.......while we will likely still wait another month or so to sort things out (being the practical, planner-type people that we are), I am ecstatic that this thing that I have been hoping for for so long might actually become a reality sooner than I thought. I will be sure to post more about how this process unfolds. Right now I am just trying to take it all in and think through everything that we need to do for ourselves......and for our future Fitness Baby!

Preparing for TTC.

I think I am one of the few Buds that is not actively TTC or currently KU......therefore I am in a very different place than those that are charting to concieve and not to avoid, and those that are trying to concieve versus preparing to TTC. It is amazing to me the gigantic leap that it takes to move from one phase into the other. DH and I have known since we started dating that we wanted children. Actually getting to the point of taking the plunge and saying "let's do it" has been the challenge. There are so many days that I wish that I could be one of the ones that was actually TTC, not just talking about it.

At the same time, I have found so much benefit in talking about it, and in really thinking through the things that were important to us before TTC. I realize that this is TOTALLY different for everyone and what works for some people doesn't work for others, so I hope that this does not come off and some sort of exhaustive TTC checklist. These are just the things that WE talked about. I decided to share, in the hopes that maybe it could benefit someone else.

1) Age. I am 28. DH is 29. We are not old by any means. I don't feel like my biological clock is ticking. I still feel very youthful. BUT I have older parents. My dad will be 70 next year. While he is still in great shape and also very youthful, it makes me so sad to think that my kids may not get all of the quality years with their grandparents that I had with mine. DH's mom is disabled and likely only has 5 years left at most. I would be heartbroken if my children never had the opportunity to know her. So while I am not in a rush based on my own age so much, I really have had to consider not only our ages but the ages of the family members who we want so desperately for our children to know.
2) Education. I was working on my Masters degree when DH and I started talking about when to TTC. We agreed that I would need to be done with my degree first. While I totally believe that moms can work and go to school successfully, I know my propensity to give-up if given the opportunity, and I knew that if I didn't finish before hand I likely never would. DH is still working on his Masters but is about halfway done. We can live with that, because he won't be the one carrying the baby. :P I finished my degree in August, which was a big milestone towards TTC.
3) Debt. DH and I wanted to be completely credit card debt free before TTC. I paid off my credit card last year, and we are almost done paying of DH's card. We bought some new appliances for our house on credit and those will be paid off in January, so hopefully by the first of the year we will be cc debt free. The other debt like mortgage and student loans....those we can live with because they will be around until we are 40. :P
4) Jobs. Up until recently, DH's job situation was really good. However, he just learned that he will be laid off as early as the end of November, but no later than the end of January. Thus, our circumstances could drastically change in the coming months, since 3/4 of our income is from his salary. I have been job searching ever since completing my degree, but have not yet had any success. We agreed that his job would need to be secure and I would need to be in a career-job before TTC.
5) Insurance. Thankfully, I have both DH and I covered under my insurance through work. It isn't the most phenomenal insurance, but it gets the job done. This has been a huge blessing now with him getting his layoff notice because we will not be uninsured when this happens which is fantastic. We have both decided that if we were to get KU unexpectedly, our insurance would be satisfactory enough that we could handle the expense.
6) Savings. I was insistant that we had developed our savings before TTC. I am the saver in our relationship and DH is the spender. I think of the big picture more, and he lives in the moment. A year ago when the TTC conversation first came up, I decided to open a higher interest rate CD and contribute directly from each paycheck both to the CD and to our savings account. Our savings was minimal a year ago, and in that time it has grown almost 7 times it's original value which is super exciting to me. I feel like we have a nice cushion which I feel is important before TTC.
7) Health. I wanted to be in great shape before TTC. I knew that this would benefit both me and our baby. However, this has been the toughest one for me to be on board with, and I can tell you the reason why has been stress. I WISH I was one of those people that coped with stress by working out or running. I cope with stress by eating candy. I am honestly surprised I still have all of my original teeth, but I brush regularly. :P I am not overweight at all, but I wouldn't call myself healthy. I drink too much caffiene, I don't exercise as much as I should, and I eat sweets like they are going out of style. I am 28 and my triglycerides are high. That CAN'T be good. so as I said when I started posting, part of what I want to write about is my struggle/intention of getting healthy before TTC. I have accomplished a lot, but this one is a challenge for me in particular.

I hope that can help even one person as they think through their decision to TTC. There is so much to consider and I wouldn't even say that what I wrote is the half of it. We also had to talk about space in our house, whether we would need to move first, the fact that I would need a bigger car, the fact that we wanted our dog to be a little older, the fact that we wanted to get a vacation in first, the fact that I didn't want my husband to be interning when I had a new born......the list goes on. It is a huge decision, and each person reaches is on their own terms. These were ours.

Doing the 13 Week Happy Dance!

And what a better day to hit the 2nd Trimester than MY BIRTHDAY! WOOT WOOT! :-)

Ok ok - I won't be celebrating my birthday too much today. One - because we are trying to save every penny. And two - because well, I'm KU! In recent past birthdays, they've went out in style! Extravagant dinners with all my friends - champagne and all! Well - sparkling cider just isn't the same! So I think maybe this year I'll just lay low. Mr GB offered to make me a nice dinner at home and told me I can pick between getting the Ugg Boots I've been wanting since last Sept.22nd. (I know we're saving right?) Or getting my hair did! :-) The controversy of getting my hair dyed while KU still stands but I got the ok from Dr. C now that the 2nd Tri hit and as long as the fumes don't make me ill I'm ok. I haven't decided what I want more?! Suggestions anyone?

Regardless, I'm definitely psyched about hitting the 2nd Tri. A lot of the worries I had went out the window but with those now I have others. I always thought that 9 months would drag on and I'd feel like I was pregnant forever but so far, it's flown by and now I feel like I haven't done a dang thing to prepare! I keep saying we are waiting to find out the sex... which is still over a month away! Also, I thought I'd magically feel different when I hit the 2nd Tri - like a light switch all my energy would come back and I would feel normal again. Well, that just doesn't happen, at least it hasn't as of today.I doubt I'll feel normal for a good while now but I have learned though that I get A LOT more tired in the afternoons if I haven't drank enough fluids. So as long as I stay hydrated I can usually ward off needing that afternoon nap - as long as I get to bed before 9. :-)

I really can't complain though - I sailed through the 1st Tri without an ounce of morning sickness. I really give some kudos to those of you who it hit bad - I have a girlfriend who's only a week behind me and she's still in the toilet every morning. I have set a new goal though since I do technically have a little more energy during normal waking hours. The gym membership that I've been ignoring has to get more use to justify keeping the expense. So, my goal is to go walk on the treadmill or the elliptical 3 times per week. Period.

Photo Credit

Oh and I almost forgot - today is my favorite day of the year for another reason! Today at precisely 5:18 EST it is officially FALL! The best and my favorite time of the year!

SO - HAPPY 2nd TRI, GLOW BUD'S BIRTHDAY, FALL - to each and every one of you today!