Brighter Days!

My appointment on Monday went extremely well! My cyst had to be smaller than 12 mm for us to proceed safely. Not only was it less than 12 mm, but it was completely GONE! I almost started crying right there in front of the nurse. I was instructed to stop taking my BCPs and wait for CD1 to begin my meds.

AF arrived bright and early Wednesday morning, and I took my first estrace pill. My next appointment is on Friday, April 13th. They will check my lining and give me our transfer date. We can't wait! Until then, this is how my days look:

Metformin- 3 X daily
Estrace- 4 X daily (last pill is vaginal)
Doxycycline- 2 X daily (with food)
Prenatal vitamin every evening

I'll begin my PIO soon after the CD10 appointment on the 13th. I'm curious as to why my last estrace pill must be vaginal. When we did the fresh IVF cycle, all of my estrace pills were oral. I'll try to remember to ask my nurse when I see her again.

More good news- I'm an AUNT! My nephew was born early Wednesday morning. He's precious, and I love him already.




Bossy Bud

Tomorrow, Tomorrow.....

It's only a day away!!

I jinxed myself in my last blog when I wrote that the first week on BCPs flew by because the second week took F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

Tomorrow I'll return to my RE to see if my BCPs have shrunk the cyst. It needs to be less than 12 mm for us to proceed safely. I'm so scared and anxious. Mr. Bossy & I have waited to move on since December, and I'm not a very patient person.

My nephew will be making his debut in a couple of weeks. My SIL told me yesterday that she'll probably be induced the week after Easter since he's getting bigger and she has such a small frame. It's funny how two months ago, I was super excited about being an aunt. I was getting used to the situation. Still extremely jealous, but getting more and more excited. I spoke with my SIL about our FET plans, and she couldn't have cared less. That broke my heart. With our "bump in the road", I've noticed myself slipping back to my old feelings. I feel like things are just not working out for Mr. Bossy and I, and I often throw myself a pity party.

Something else I've noticed about myself is I'm no longer as open about our infertility and doctor business with family and friends. I never told the world, but I shared with certain people. Recently, I've been keeping pretty quiet. I figure if people want to know, then they'll ask.

I'm going to close this blog with a song that I know we can all relate to. Grab some tissues.






Bossy Bud

A bump in the road.

AF finally showed her face Friday afternoon. I've been on Spring Break this past week, and all I've done is wait and pray for her to come. I had three tentative appointments (Monday, Wednesday, & Friday), but I couldn't go to any of them because she hadn't arrived.

I almost cried tears of happiness when I saw red on the toilet paper. I called Mr. Bossy and my mom to tell them the good news. I was so excited to finally get the ball rolling. We had waited 3 months to do our FET. I phoned my nurse and she set me up for a 8:15 appointment on Saturday. I happily set the alarm clock for 6:30 am Friday night (our clinic is an hour away), put out my lucky socks (I'll explain these in another blog), and had my green outfit (Saturday was St. Patty's Day) selected. I was ready. I had to force myself to go to bed Friday night. I felt like a child on Christmas Eve.

Fast forward to Saturday morning. Mr. Bossy and I make the hour's drive to our clinic. We walk in to the clinic where I greet the receptionist with the biggest smile. We take our seats and wait to be called. They called me back for blood work first. Finding a vein in either of my arms is always a challenge for the nurses. I'm not the type that looks away when they insert the needle; I have to look. I don't mind the pinch, and it never really hurts very much. The nurse inserted the needle and MAN, did it hurt! We had to go back to the waiting room and wait to be called back for the ovary check.

The nurse called my name within a few more minutes and we were walking happily toward the examining room. She even commented on my dress, and said that it was the perfect outfit for an ultrasound. She left us in the room to get situated, I put on my socks, and waited on the table. She came back rather quickly and we began the ultrasound. She made a comment that we were looking for a nice thin lining and no cysts. I kept my eyes glued to the screen. Then I heard her say- Ohhh. My heart dropped. It didn't sound good. I looked closer at the screen and saw it. A huge, honker of a cyst. She confirmed it. She said that the doctor on call would have the final decision, but she didn't think we'd be able to proceed with the FET. I had waited 3 months for this? I must be cursed.

Mr. Bossy and I left the clinic and attempted to salvage our day. We shopped a little on the way home. I was in Hobby Lobby (one of my favorite stores!) when the nurse called me with instructions.

The bad news- I wouldn't be able to proceed with the cyst.

The good news- I have to take two more weeks of birth control pills and return on April 2nd to see if the cyst has shrunk. If it has, then I can move forward on the date and I don't have to wait for another period. The nurse also prescribed me some stronger birth control pills.

Mr. Bossy was so sweet. He said if we can wait 3 months, then what's two more weeks?! My mom was also encouraging and called this a "bump in the road." I'm still really disappointed, but I'm trying to look on the bright side. At least, I don't have to wait 3 more months...




Bossy Bud

Today is the last day...

Of birth control pills!!! YAY!!!!

I'm trying this whole "be positive" thing. So I expect to be posting my bfp in a few weeks, okay?

If my cyst shrunk from 4cm to 2cm in 2 weeks, it should shrink small enough to move forward with injections in a week and a half, right!?

So here's hoping that AF starts soon!!! I'll be pulling out all of the white underwear and pants that I own to trick the wench into showing her ugly face.

It's been a nice break, although unwanted. But I'm ready to get back in the game, coach. I've got 2 cartridges of Follistim and an HCG shot in the fridge just itching to be used! I've never been so excited to get a shot in my life. Crazy the twists that life takes...

Wow, my body is CRAZY!

Well the good news is that my 4cm shrunk to 2cm.

The bad news is that it's still too big to proceed.

The worse news is that I have FIVE more cysts ranging between 11mm and 18mm.

Um, what?

She said it's possible they could be follicles and that the birth control pills aren't suppressing me properly. So I have to finish up the 5 remaining days of birth control pills and hopefully get a period and then we'll see what's going on at CD3. If they are still there, she'll check my estradiol level and if it's high, then another month on birth control pills.

Seriously... only I would still get follicles on the pill. I am PRAYING that they are follicles and not more cysts because how on earth did I get FIVE more cysts on the pill!!!

Got anything to spare?

Here I am 2 days before my re-scan on my cyst to see if it's gone or not. I've taken 14 days of the birth control pills so far. I detest them.

If you have any prayers, good thoughts, juju, rain dance, whatever you've got to spare, please send them my way that this little bugger is gone and I can stop taking these awful devil pills. I don't have a good feeling about it but maybe that's me being my usual pessimistic self.

Thanks!

Nothing new to report.

Just coasting along on the birth control pills.

Devil pills. I hate them.



I forgot just how much I hate these things. Moody, emotional and ZERO sex drive.

And I'm not entirely sure if they are working, which is the worst part.

I had some random bleeding yesterday even though it's been 3 days since AF officially disappeared. I don't normally breakthrough bleed on birth control pills but I figure it's either that or maybe the cyst sprunk a leak? Wishful thinking, yes. I've been crampy for a couple days. I just pray that there is something GOOD going on in there. Shrinking instead of growing, please.

Really hoping for good news on the 15th when I go in for my re-scan.

I really want to know

What I did to deserve all the bad things happening to me lately.

I went in for my baseline appointment today to start my injection cycle. I have a 4cm (40mm) cyst.

CANCELED.

I have no shame. I burst into tears right there in the middle of the ultrasound before she even told me. I knew going in that something was wrong. My period is incredibly heavy and thick and full of very large clots. My fear was that my fibroid was back. Having a cyst was in the back of my mind due to the pain I'd had during ovulation and the very low progesterone number. Even though I had the feeling that something wasn't right, I still wasn't prepared to hear that it was actually true and we would be canceled until the cyst resolves itself. However long that is going to take.

I'm having such a hard time right now. It feels like absolutely nothing is going right and I don't understand what I did to deserve all of this. I just stayed in bed all day today and cried.

The nurse said we could try on our own this month and it took a lot of willpower not to laugh in her face. Really? Try on my own? BWAHAHAHAHAHAH. The whole reason we are doing the injections is because I can't get pregnant on my own.

And then she followed that up with telling us that the risk of miscarriage is higher because of the cyst.

Just another step closer to throwing in the towel and being done with all of this crap.

31.8

That was my estrogen level on Thursday afternoon. My donor coordinator called with the news. Anything below 50 and we could continue the cycle without delay.

I can't tell you how relieved I was. We needed a little luck.

But I admit I was worried. All day Thursday and Friday I could feel the cyst twinging and buzzing in my abdomen. I was worried that it was growing, not shrinking. I put my first estrogen patch on Friday night as scheduled, and I wasn't surprised when half an hour later I felt the cyst burst. Wasn't painful, just weird. It hasn't bothered my since. I think it's gone.

The next step in my cycle is a blood test this coming Friday. It's another estrogen test to make sure my lining is increasing. A week from Friday I go in for another blood test and ultrasound, again to check my lining. At some point in the next two weeks I'll hear about my donor's suppression check and how many follicles she's growing. Her egg retrieval should take place in early October. That's just around the corner. It's almost hard to believe.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Golden Bud

Good news, bad news

Went to my RE's local office today for my suppression check and lucky me we're in limbo again.

Bad news: I have a cyst on my left ovary.
Good news: The nurse says that because my lining is thin and my period started, the cyst is likely non-functioning, meaning it's probably not producing hormones and therefore won't affect my cycle.
Bad news: If my estrogen level comes back at 50 or higher, I have to delay the cycle and keep coming in every 4-5 days until the cyst goes away. I'll know this afternoon what my level is.
Good news: Because I have a cyst, my insurance will cover the ultrasound today.

Now we wait.

Survived surgery!

There hasn't been much to update until now. I was on birth control pills to prevent possible hemorrhage from my heavy periods.

Went in for surgery at 8am on Wednesday. The nurses and doctors at the surgery center are VERY nice! One girl was a student and they asked permission for her to watch the procedure and I had no problem letting her watch. Everyone has to learn! And the doctor told her it was going to be a very interesting procedure with all that I had going on. Possible removal of right tube, left ovary and left tube. Definite removal of cysts and fibroid.

The IV hurt really badly going in and I barely remember being knocked out. I remember them putting a mask on my face and telling me to take deep breaths (they did anesthesia via mask AND IV) and next thing I remember is being told to calm down and that everything was okay. I, apparently, was having a hard time coming out of anesthesia. I didn't do well last time I was put under either.

Wheeled into recovery where I was given a shot of Fentanyl which helped the pain (which was pretty severe) for a brief moment and made me very woozy. The pain came back pretty quickly and they gave me another shot of Fentanyl. Again, woozy and brief respite from the pain. After a bit, they had me get up and get dressed. This made me start vomiting and very nauseous so they gave me some Zofran. Another shot of Fentanyl until they could be sure I'd be able to keep down the Percocet pill they had for me.

Finally, my doctor came over to talk to us about the surgery. He found that my uterus had attached to the abdominal wall. He showed us a ton of pictures and that was by far the coolest picture he had. So he separated the uterus from my abdomen and said that was a fairly easy procedure. Drained and removed all the cysts (there were 4 on my left ovary and 1 on my right). Removed the fibroid which was HUGE. The pictures were insane. Dr. P was pretty impressed with the size of the thing as well. That took him most of the time in surgery, which actually ran longer than the 2 hours allotted for it. But he got it ALL. All that is left of it is a black scab which he said endometrial tissue will grow over it.

And on to the tube/ovary news....

My tubes and ovaries were perfectly healthy and fine!!! There was no blockage on my right tube. Just a little flap of tissue that he easily removed. There is no damage to either tube at all. My left ovary was only 1.5 times the size of a normal one so it definitely shrunk a great deal (thank you devil pills!). But he said he had no reason to remove any of them and that they are in great condition and looking very healthy!!!

I literally burst into tears with relief. I was shocked by this news because he had prepared me going into surgery that I could wake up with ONLY my right ovary. Every time, he opened his mouth, I swear it was like heaven and goodness flowed out!

I've had a pretty rough recovery so far. MUCH worse than surgery in February. I've been beyond blessed by Mr. Sunflower Bud. He's being incredible and taking such awesome care of me. He has to help me up and down out of bed and to the bathroom. He's been shooing the cats out of the bedroom (they want to cuddle up ON my stomach for some reason) and keeping Little Sunflower Bud out of the house as much as possible (she's in major Mommy phase and wants to climb all over me).

From the time I got home, I was literally asleep for 2 hours, awake for 20 minutes, asleep for 2 hours, awake for 20 minutes, etc. Woke up a lot during the night Wednesday night because I was itching so badly. Could not get with it at all all day Thursday. I made it down to the couch for about 40 minutes before I was asking to go back to bed. I couldn't look at my laptop because it made me ill for some reason. When I worked up the courage to get in the shower yesterday afternoon, I discovered that I was covered in hives!!! No wonder I was so itchy!

Turns out, I'm allergic to Percocet. What a sad sad allergy that is. Who wants to be allergic to such a wonderful narcotic? :( Called the doctor and he called in Darvocet and told us to flush the rest of the Percocet and that I'd have to note that on all allergies from now on (boooo). Started taking the Darvocet last night around 6pm and holy cow, what a difference!!! Knocked me out at first but when I woke up, I actually felt human. No more itching (thank you Benadryl!) and I was actually lucid and able to sit on the couch long enough to watch a movie and get on the laptop for a little while. I even slept 7 hours straight last night without waking up to itch! And I was able to eat a whole entire meal last night. I could barely nibble on toast throughout the day on the Percocet.

I go back to see Dr. P in 6 weeks to discuss what's next. It's funny... having been faced with IVF being our only option, doing IUI's just seems like pennies and dimes! I'm fairly certain that IUI is on our plate but the only question will be if it's medicated or unmedicated. Either way, the costs are certainly not as daunting now as it was when we were focused on affording IVF.

I'm on a hormone therapy schedule to build up my lining:
25 days on Premarin, 5 days off, 25 more days of Premarin
Days 13-25 of both months, take Provera

Just 2 months of healing and hormone therapy before we can get back to TTC! I am PSYCHED. I'm so getting pregnant this year. Spring 2011 looks like a lovely time to have a baby, don't you think?

And the hits just keep on coming

I just got back from our CD3 baselining appointment with the RE. Not great.

My lining is a 6, which she said is good for CD3.

But...

She found 2 small cysts on my left ovary that she's not "too" concerned about right now. And 1 large cyst on my right ovary that she said is borderline the size where they prefer not to medicate for that cycle. She said from the shape of it, she believes it's the cyst that ruptured but it's still there.

She also found another fibroid. She said this one is smaller and is in the muscle under my lining but it was very clear to her as soon as she was in there. They are going to monitor it and see what it does but won't worry about it too much right now.

Sooooo. We are waiting for the bloodwork to come back this afternoon with my hormone levels to evaluate the cysts. They are going to decide what to do this cycle when those results come back. If they aren't good, we will have to do birth control pills for 2 weeks to try to shrink the cysts, definitely no Clomid and put the IUI off until next cycle.

If the bloodwork is fine and the RE feels confident going forward (he understands we are self pay and want optimal conditions for the IUI) with the IUI, then they will discuss the HCG shot and send over a prescription for it to the pharmacy. She already gave me the Clomid script for 100mg and an antibiotic prescription for myself and DH.

Sigh. I feel like it's just one obstacle after another.