IVF Reading

As I stated last post I have been frequenting the library quite a bit and I have found two new books to read about IVF that I had heard about but couldn't find till now.

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The first one which I am currently reading is "When Nature's Not Enough: Personal Journeys through In Vitro Fertilization" which follows four or five couples through thier infertility journey. I have been loving reading this book becuase it is always interesting to see what other couples feel, decisions they make regarding thier treatment path and the results of thier experiments. I love when I am reading one of the stories and can totally relate with how they were feeling. It also has felt like a healing process as I go through the stories and can relate and feel like I am not alone in how I feel about the process and the ups and downs. I find that I get teary during some parts and laugh out loud at others which I think make a great book!! I would recommend it for anyone that is interested more in the emotional side of IVF not the procedural stuff which if you are doing IVF you feel like you've read it all already!!

The second book is "Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility" which I haven't started but had read it along the line of the previous book. I am excited to get into that one as well.

Hiatus & New Experiment

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Sorry for the long hiatus I think that it just took me a few weeks to figure out what was next, what I would start to blog about that was all negative and bitter. Mr. Explorer Bud and I have a new "Experiment" for our TTC plan. My mom's friend's father, I know a bit confusing but hang in there, was an animal nutritionist and worked closely with farmers during breeding season. When the animals were having difficulty conceiveing/performing both female and male they would put the animals on a high dosage of vitamin E and wheat germ oil. So the friend is also involved with nutrition and such for humans and suggested that Mr. Explorer Bud and I go on 1000 IU of natural vitamin E, Stress B Complex vitamins and eat fruits, veggies and lean meats we would be able to conceive. So instead of instantly being pissed that another know-it-all know-nothing is spouting thier unsolicited advice about a topic they are not familiar with I would do a little research myself on the subject and maybe it would work. Besides what else do I have to do since I don't have any other plan in place.


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After some research I found that yes high doses of vitamin E and B-Complex vitamins along with a high dose of vitamin C, Zinc & Copper, and L-arginine have shown to increase fertility in both males and females. Studies have shown that the various vitmains have helped increase sperm count, motility and increased the number of couples that conceived. For females it has shown that it helps to regulate your hormones/period and produce healthier eggs. Although we still have the major issue with 1% morphology which still puts us in the IF with ICSI category but maybe they help with that as well and can allow us to try IUI which would be cheaper.

So the Experiment is we will take the high dose of vitamins for the next 3 months and then have Mr. EB redo his SA to see how his sperm are looking since it takes 3 months to regenerate new sperm. If this works awesome, if it doesn't work then it wasn't all that expensive and doesn't hurt anything or set our timeline back any for future IVF/ICSI attempts. Mr. EB wants to lose about 40 lbs so maybe in that time he will be able to lose some if not all, since he is a guy and can lose weight if he thinks about dieting, and I would love to lose about 10 to 15 lbs as well so in 3 months we should be a couple of hotties hopped up on vitamins!!

Strangest TTC thoughts ever

Some of my thoughts the past few included: "Oh crap, did I remember to take my birth control?" and "Come on AF show up now!"

What kind of TTC thoughts are these? The world of infertility is very crazy and can definitely turn you around at times. While these thoughts would definitely be counterproductive to a normal person TTC, for someone going through IVF it is a normal thought. I have just trained my brain to where all this is normal and at least Mr. Planner Bud and I can joke about it. We went out with friends over the weekend and I had to take my pill while at dinner. The husband was thoroughly confused and asked, "I thought you were trying to get pregnant, what happened?" Mr. Planner bud looks at me and says, "Crap, this is what we have been doing wrong for over a year and a half."

I finished taking the BCP on Sunday and am now waiting for AF to show it. This is another crazy feeling. I have been hoping for AF to come for the last two cycles. This is not what one normally wishes for when desperately trying to have a child. Hopefully AF shows her lovely face today; if not, I will have to call the RE's and go in for some bloodwork. I am just beyond excited to start stimming and get this show on the road. Come on I have this huge pile of needles waiting to be used:

IF Whirlwind

It has been quite and interesting few days since I last posted. I have spent the last few days on the verge of tears. There were even a couple days where I didn't make it out of bed. I was beside myself that our treatment was being pushed back so far. I was sure our chances of getting pregnant during 2011 was totally shot.

Then AF showed up two days early on Saturday. It made my depressed mood even lower. It was Mr. Planner bud's birthday on Sunday and I wanted more than anything to give a BFP, or at least some sexy time. I also thought that this completely shot our chances of doing anything this cycle.

This morning I called my office to let them know I was on CD 3 and see if we could do anything this cycle. The nurse told me she would talk to the doctor, but probably not.

Fast forward to 3:30 today. I get another call from the office. It was the insurance liaison saying that our petition for IVF got okayed for three cycles. I was through the roof. I still thought it meant that we would be out this cycle, but at least we had a great plan. I called the nurse to see if we could possible start today, even though I am on CD3 and not CD1. The answer was YES, pick up your BCP in a couple hours. We are beginning this cycle.

I am beyond excited that we actually have a real chance to try for a child. I know that it may not work out time one, but at least I will know. By the end of this year, I will know whether we can have a child or think about adoption.

Tufts you suck!

Last time I posted, I was anxiously counting down the days until AF shows up. Now I am begging and pleading for AF to be a week or more late. Why? Because my insurance denied our claim for IVF. They say I need to do three FSH + IUI cycles first. After sobbing on the phone to my RE, he agrees that IVF is our best bet. He feels as though the IUIs have a very slim chance of working. Yesterday they resubmitted the request with notes from him this is best chance for us with the lowest possibilities of problems (like HOM). If they reject it again, then the office will just put in for the IUIs.

That being said, the chances of us actually being able to do anything this cycle are slim to none. I absolutely hate that we are being forced to wait and it is so messing up our plans. Mr. Plannerbud and I just booked a cruise mid-July. Have much thinking we decided to keep our trip booked, even though it means we won't be able to cycle that month. If we have to do the three IUIs, we want to do them back to back as much as we can, so May, June and August. We would then begin the IVF hopefully right afterward. Just the thought that it may be September before we can do something that actually can get us pregnant is heart wrenching. I really don't know how I'm going to handle to disappointment until then. It just seems way too long away.

IVF, here we come!

It is offical; Mr. Plannerbud and I are moving onto IVF. We met with our RE earlier today and he thinks this is the best thing for us. Since we are textbook "normal" and I am still young (27), he says we have about a 50/50 chance of getting pregnant with our first few cycles. I know that he probably says that to a lot of people, but I trust that if the chances were slim, he would be telling us so.

Mr. Plannerbud and I are very excited and cannot wait to begin this journey. I do have say though I am a little nervous about all the injections, especially when I have to do two in one day! Hopefully I don't really mess up mixing or setting the correct dosage. My major fear though is that I will have to my trigger shot mid-school day. How will I dress that with my students? "Hold on class, Mrs. P needs to run to bathroom to inject herself with some drugs. Please read silently." Yeah that would go over big.

Now we really just have to wait for this month to pass. I have given up temping. I haven't remembered to do it in like three days and I don't think it is super important for where we are right now. Hopefully I will at least remember to use my OPKs starting tomorrow, so at least we would have some chance this month. It is going to be a crazy few months.

Unexpected Medicine

Since the birth of my friend's daughter sent my week into a tailspin, I was nervous to meet her. I should never had been. The second I held the beautiful girl in my arms, my own sadness about not having a child disappeared. I was content to hold her look at her for hours. My friends are incredibly happy and proud; both were literally beaming as they showed off their new daughter. I may be bias, but I have to say she is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and I have been plotting how to get back to see her since Friday.

As I was leaving the hospital, I was waiting for the depression to hit me. It really never did; it just made me even more certain that I want a child and will do whatever I can to have one. I can't wait to see Mr. Plannerbud beaming as he passes his child to visitors. I can't wait to see the look on my friends' faces as they fall in love with
my child. I am certain now that we will do what we can and will not give up.

We have our next meeting with our RE on Wednesday. I will be on CD 10, so hopefully that gives us enough time (over 2 weeks) to set up all we need to so we can start with my next cycle. I told you the couple cycle break would quickly go out the window. I will update you ladies after we talk with the doctor. I just hope he has the same ideas in mind as we do.

Three Cheers for Progress!

39 weeks pregnant. Holy cheese and crackers.

I am without a doubt carrying differently this week, and rapidly running out of anything that could be considered "under my belly".

We had our 39 week appointment today, and I was terrified that if there were still no progress Dr Loh would bring up induction - not to schedule - but to start the conversation. Fortunately, it never got to that point... because we have progress!! 1cm, moving anterior and a dropping baby. YAY! I know it means nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me feel a little better. And then after the appointment, I lost my mucous plug and had some bleeding.

I don't know if it's an infertility thing, but seeing bright red blood in the toilet FREAKED me out. My mind immediately went to a bad place. Even though i JUST saw the baby. I know I'm going to have palpitations for the rest of the day every time i go to the bathroom.

We also had a quickie ultrasound to check the fluid levels. Dr Loh said it's not uncommon for IVF pregnancies to have fluid issues towards the end - but my fluid pockets were all great. I may not be able to get pregnant, but my body loves BEING pregnant. Now if only I could get these contractions I've been having to actually stay regular instead of petering out all the time!

And even better than all of that news... i lost another pound. So, now it's 19 pounds for 39 weeks. THAT couldn't make me happier. I'm still well within my goal of 20 pounds for the pregnancy, and that thrills me. Dr Loh and Mr. DB are both really proud of me.

So - we're pretty much at the end. I'm ready. But as ready as I am, I can't help but think about after... i think i'm really going to miss being pregnant. I never thought I would love having a giant santa belly and watching it jiggle like the ocean. Yeah - i hate the back/hip/leg pain, and not being able to get up by myself, but I love this closeness and the feelings that only I can feel. In a couple of weeks this baby goes from being mine to being everybody's.

I can't believe how fast this has gone or how close I am.

#4

Well, the Betas are in and they are shit. I knew this was going to happen when I started spotting yesterday. Even though it was brown spotting, I knew what was coming. I've gone through it 3 times prior - I'm pretty much an expert!

So welcome miscarriage #4. You would think that I would be thrown a bone. At least one of these pregnancies should have been viable, right? Apparently not.

It is just so unfair. What a crock of shit it is that a financially stable, responsible, very much in-love couple cannot have a child. And I am just not saying this for me - I'm saying it for all of us that have been through or are going through this.

The thing that really gets me is that my body is perfect. Yes, I could afford to lose a few pounds, but that's about it. They have not been able to find a single thing that is medically wrong with me. I have had every test know to man done on me, and am surprised that I haven't been mistaken for a heroin addict, being that I have been a human pincushion for the past two years.

Wow, two years. Two years of trying to conceive only to end up with heartbreak in the end. Happy Anniversary to us.

I have an appointment with the RE next Wednesday. They are talking about shipping me up to The Cleveland Clinic for IVF with genetic testing.

I don't know what else to write. Infertility sucks.

Creator of IVF wins the Nobel Prize for Medicine

Article on MSNBC

Bless you Dr Edwards. And Thank You.

Thank you for them.

Embryo on the left is the one we assume to be Smudge. On the right, our baby's lost twin.

Gene shopping

Thank you for rejoining me on my TTC journey. 2010 has been a long, trying year for us, the worst of our lives, but I truly believe our luck is about to change.

So where was I? Ah yes, I was talking about donor selection.

It was so painful picking a donor last time that I didn’t want to start looking too soon, so I waited until about a week before my second D&C. A history of frozen embryos was my number one criteria, followed closely by a history of recipient pregnancies. In other words, I was excluding all unproven donors and a lot of proven ones, too. My RE’s database doesn’t show these stats by default, so I picked out 5 donors who were available (which is more than I expected to find) and asked for their stats. I found out that a few had maybe 1 or 2 frozens per cycle, and one had a recent BFN. Not good enough. We need frosties not just for siblings, but for insurance in case of failure. Having to pay for a third fresh donor cycle is something we want to avoid at all costs. 

The donor coordinator sent me 2 additional donors who had stellar stats and would be available when I was cycling. She also said that another couple was deciding between these two, so we might not get our first choice if they picked first.

This was an interesting dilemma. We would’ve been thrilled with either donor, not just because of their stats but also because they had great profiles and each had some features that resembled mine. And at the time I thought if the other couple chose first, then we wouldn’t even have to decide—the decision would be made for us. Piece of cake, right?

Put yourself in my shoes: if you looked like me (blonde wavy hair, blue eyes, fair skin, O+ blood), which of these two donors would you choose?

Donor 1: Blonde straight hair, brown eyes, fair skin, A- blood, both parents and brother have brown eyes.
Here are her stats:

• 1st cycle-25 eggs retrieved; 3 transferred and a gestational carrier and none frozen; recipients delivered healthy twins
• 2nd cycle-43 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 10 frozen; recipients had a negative fresh cycle but did get pregnant from a frozen cycle and delivered healthy twins
• 3rd cycle-29 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 15 frozen; recipients delivered a healthy child
• 4th cycle-30 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 11 frozen; recipients have a viable pregnancy
• 5th cycle-49 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 16 frozen; recipients have a viable pregnancy

Donor 2: Brown wavy hair, blue eyes, olive skin, O+ blood, mom has hazel eyes and dad has blue eyes.

• 1st cycle: 16 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 4 frozen and it resulted in a miscarriage and 2 negative frozen cycles due to poor uterine lining from the recipients and they will most likely need a surrogate.
• 2nd cycle: 21 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 7 frozen and recipients delivered a healthy child
• 3rd cycle: 26 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 12 frozen and recipients delivered a healthy child
• 4th cycle: 33 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 11 frozen and recipients have a viable pregnancy.
• 5th cycle: 25 eggs retrieved; 1 transferred and 14 frozen and a positive pregnancy. 

At first I was leaning towards Donor 1 because she had blonde hair and fair skin. She’s a bit taller than I am, but I didn’t care. There were a couple things about her that bothered me though: someone in her family has gout (as does Mr. GB), and she has brown eyes. Gout was a gamble, sure, but when I started researching eye color more closely, I realized that with her as our donor, we had a 100% chance of having a brown-eyed baby, which would be a dead giveaway for a donor baby because Mr. GB and I both have blue eyes.

Here is how the genetics would work based on the eye-color calculator at TheTech.Org. All screenshots shown were generated from this tool.

Donor 1 has brown eyes, which by itself doesn’t rule out a blue-eyed baby, but the fact that both her parents have brown eyes means that Donor 1 does not have any blue-eyed genes, like so:

(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)


So if you combine her genes with Mr. GB’s, you get brown-eyed babies:

(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)


Donor 2, on the other hand, has blue eyes, which she inherited from her dad. Her mom has hazel eyes, like so:

(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)


But no matter what color eyes her parents had, she only has blue-eyed genes to share, and thus our babies would at least by plausibly mine:

(Screenshot courtesy of TheTech.org)


So I started to fall in love with Donor 2. Luckily for me (finally, some luck!) all of my testing for our first donor cycle was still valid, and we were ready to place our deposit ahead of the other couple. Mr GB paid the deposit while I was having my uterus scraped (again). I was so incredibly happy that day. All of the horrible things that had happened to us were pushed from my mind, and I knew we had a great chance of getting pregnant again this year, with lots of frosties to spare!

Anyway, we get home from the surgery (on a Wednesday) and I have email from my donor coordinator saying she’s contacted the donor and will have a schedule put together as soon as she hears back. Then Thursday rolls by, then Friday, and then I start to worry. I hear back from the coordinator, who says she’s still trying to get in touch with the donor.

Talk about a long weekend.


Fortunately things worked out. She called back the next day in a much better frame of mind and said she would cycle. The coordinator had her meet with their psychologist a week later, just to make sure she was fully on board. So we had about a 2-week delay, which in the scheme of things wasn’t actually a delay because I had to be on the pill for that long anyway. I could have lived without the drama but eventually I did get the blessed donor calendar in my hands, and I have real dates and real drugs and we are READY!!!

I’ll go over the donor process next time.
Til then,
Golden Bud

What's the 411?

Photography Credit

I had 2nd opinion consult with a new RE on 8/31/10 and his name is Dr. T. The second opinion consult went really great and I have decided to switch clinics. As much as I don't want to leave my current RE because I adore him (he does all of the monitoring and the IVF cycles are done somewhere else by a different Dr.) I have to do what is best for me. I am transferring the 2 snowbabies we have left to my new clinic, where all of my treatment will be done under one roof. My new clinic even has an acupuncture facility on the premises. After our consult, Dr. T took CD3 blood work from me and I will be on BCP's for 2 months because Dr. T wants to lower my andgrogen levels that can be very high in PCOS women. I will have a hystersocopy and acupuncture consult soon and I will do a Fresh IVF Cycle in November where he will also unthaw my 2 snowbabies, so I don't waste one of my FET's covered under my insurance. In my heart of hearts I feel good about my decision and I am much more comfortable with the level of service I will be getting on a whole.

Introducing Golden Bud

bark SQEAK!

That's how we say hello here in the Golden Bud household. I am a mom to the world's most handsome Golden Retriever and wife to Mr. Golden Bud. Mr. GB and I are both in our reproductive "golden years" so to speak--he's 42 and I'm 39. We have been TTC since returning from our honeymoon in December 2007.

In the beginning, Mr. GB was way more enthusiastic about babymaking than I was. I'm an only child, I come from a small family, and most of my friends are my age and either single, done having kids, or don't seem to want them. Mr. GB on the other hand has 3 siblings, 7 nieces, and all kinds of fertile college buddies. Of course I wouldn't have married him if I had no intention of having kids, but let's just say that I wasn't exactly psyched to go off the pill. Turns out I never needed to be on it in the first place, but I digress.

After our honeymoon, we tried the old-fashioned way for a few months, and then I bought a Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM) to get the show on the road. Turns out I was ovulating around Day 10. At first I thought oh, we’d been doing it a few days too early all along. But then after a few more months of BFNs I checked with Dr. Google (fyi, I see Dr. Bing now) and he gave me an eye-opening diagnosis--decreased ovarian reserve.

So off to the fertility doctor we go. No biggie--my best friend (who is a few years older than I am) was also seeing the same doctor. Mr. GB and I each had a $15k lifetime benefit for fertility treatments, so all our initial testing was covered. Mr. GB had his semen analysis, and I had the standard workup: Day 3 FSH and antral follicle count via ultrasound, pooled progesterone blood tests, and an HSG.

The infertility verdict? Turns out my tubes were busted (one blocked, one kinked), my AFC was 6, and my FSH was 9.2. Not horrible, but not great. Mr. GB's sperm was fine, but with the tubal situation and my age (37), the doctor recommended we go straight to IVF. Again, no biggie--I was prepared for this.

What I wasn’t prepared for was blowing through almost half of my insurance coverage on our first IVF cycle. In addition to having crappy tubes, I'm also a poor responder. We spent over $6k on meds only to have the cycle canceled due to no response. At that point I was considering donor eggs, but our doctor offered us 2 cycles as part of a research study for poor responders. We'd have to pay for the IVF monitoring and procedures, but our meds (the expensive ones) were free.

7 months, $1k in acupuncture fees, and 14 boxes of Gonal-F later, I'd managed to grow 4 follicles, make 4 embryos, and have 2 embies survive to Day 3. I'm talking two IVFs, two different protocols (MDL and antagonist) and virtually the same response--a single perfect 8-cell embryo transferred on Day 3. BFN both times. I'd also used up my lifetime insurance coverage. Within a year. So much for lifetime coverage.

Now is a good time for me to mention that I’m an eternal optimist, very even-tempered, and generally unemotional. This is probably the perfect psyche for dealing with infertility. I don’t think I cried at all up to this point in our journey—I instead preferred to stay positive and work with the cards I was dealt. Mr. GB is the emotional one in the family, but he’s also very tuned to me—if I’m happy, he’s usually happy, too. For this reason he had no doubts about moving to donor eggs. I was excited, and so was he.

The next part of our story, the story of our first donor cycle, is very sad. And I’ve already written so much that I think I’ll save that story for another post. And then after that I’ll get you caught up with the story of our second donor. Yes, that’s a lot of baggage! Fortunately our journey has really only just begun.

Til then, yours truly
Golden Bud

Second Opinion

I had my first appointment with my new RE on Thursday. I think it would the understatement of the year to say that I felt overwhelmed. I spoke with both a younger doctor and the doctor I made the appointment with. They were very thorough and explained things to be very well. However, I still feel uncomfortable.



In all honesty, I don't think my apprehension has anything to do with doctors anymore - I think I'm just sick of dealing with this and sick of how it is consuming me. Oh, and I'm also sick of being a human pincushion. I believe I have been poked and prodded more this year than the Pillsbury Dough Boy himself.



However, unlike Poppin' Fresh, I don't enjoy it as much (and I don't giggle when it happens , its more along the lines of "I can't look at the blood you are about to draw because I will cover the walls of this place with vomit and then pass out.").



So without further adieu, here are the tests that will be run on Mr. SB and I - in list form because even though I'm not a Type A, I feel as though lists give me a handle on the chaos that is my infertility.



1. Seman Anaylsis
I questioned this one because hey, I'm able to get knocked up so why do we need this? They explained that sometimes an abnormal sperm will fertilize the egg and because of the abnormality, it will result in a miscarriage. They will take Mr. SB's sperm and do what they call a swim up (I laughed out loud at the name of this...Hi, I'm apparently 13). If some are abnormal, they will take the normal ones and do an IUI with me.

2. Glucose Intolerance Test
Because of my PCOS, they want to test my insulin levels beyond a simple blood test. Apparently my blood tests were on the higher side of normal (ummm did I mention that no one told me this?!), so they want to take it a step further. I'm excited because I get to drink that big sugar drink (I'm a sugar fanatic. Fun Dip is my BFF).

3. A round of antibiotics after my period
In case there in an infection, this will clear it up. Therefore, eliminating this possibility.

4. Estradiol, FSH and a Transvaginal Ultrasound on day 3 of my cycle.
Shockingly enough (please note sarcasm), my old OB did not test me for these on the correct day of my cycle, so they will need to be done again.

5. HSG
This was questioned as well because again, I'm able to get pregnant. The doctor told me that maybe only one tube would be open. I'm still wondering if I want to do this or not.

So this is where we go from here. During the appointment, it crossed my mind that hey, maybe this guy is preying on my infertility. So because I am never the one to sit out the sidelines (or shut my mouth), I called him out. Probably not the best thing to do since this will be the guy that will be poking me with needles, but I've never been the quiet, shrinking violet and I wasn't going to start now.

And what he said made sense. He said that I came to him to get answers, and he wants to test me for everything he thinks could possibly give me those answers. I accept this explanation.

So, if all comes back well, we start back on Clomid with Progesterone supplements and baby aspirin. This also satisfies me, as I have been pushing for the progesterone supplements with my old RE after M/C #3. Further down the line, if things still aren't working out, they will do IVF with hand-selecting the embryos.

I'm happy to have another plan of action, but still in the back of my mind I'm wondering if I am being taken advantage of. I'm opening the floor to your opinions. Let me know if you think this guy is being thorough, or just trying to get more money from my insurance company.

Back from Dr. B's Hall of Justice...

Meanwhile Dr. B and Blessed Bud mapped out a final plan of where they were going to go with treatments and when it would be time if necessary, to seek other options...

Photography Credit

My meeting with Dr. B last Thursday went extremely well. He believes I have a Progesterone issue most likely related to my PCOS. He thinks it may only be a slight egg issue (random abnormal eggs, which I am more prone to because of my PCOS) and that our embabies would not have made it to 5/6 Day Blastocysts if there was a severe egg issue. When we went over my medical history he does seem to have a point about the Progesterone issue:

Miscarriage #1 May 2006 (Not TTC/Natural PG) Low Progesterone; no supplements

Miscarriage #2(c/p) August 2009 (Injectables and Timed Intercourse; Low Progestrone (level 10), no supplements

Miscarriage(c/p) #3 December 2009 (Injetables and IUI); Low Progestrone (level 10), vaginal progesterone suppositories

Miscarriage #4 June 2009 (FET #1); Low Progestrone, Crinone

So, for FET #2 I will be on PIO instead of Crinone or Suppositories. I am not nervous about the PIO because I did the Delestrogen (also an oil) shots by myself for FET#1 with a 22 gauge needle. Because we just moved to a new house and are still getting settled; and are going on vacation around the end of August, we decided to push FET #2 back to September. We agreed that we would do IVF #2 if FET #2 is a BFN. For IVF #2 we would freeze all embryos and then I would do an FET because Dr. B and I realized my body does not do well with a combination of a transfer and being pumped full of medication. I have a second opinion with SIRM NYC on August 31 just to have a fresh set of eyes look at my case and see what IVF protocol would be best if IVF #2 is a go.

Photography Credit

So Blessed Bud put on her wings and left Dr. B's Hall of Justice with a positive attitude and stronger faith in God. Knowing that somehow, someway at his appointed time she and Mr. Blessed Bud will be bringing home their baby. Stay Tuned...

Our planned adventures in Costa Rica and Panama

One of the biggest things that attracted us to doing IVF out of the country is that in addition to getting a great price for the procedure, we would also be able to visit two amazing countries that we've never had the chance to experience. I'm sure many people would want to take it easy and relax during an IVF cycle, but for me, the busier I am, the better. I need whatever I can get to keep myself occupied so I don't stress about the cycle and how it's going.

Mr. CB and I are adventurous travelers and since it's just the two of us, it was easy to find great things to do in Costa Rica. I bought a Frommer's Costa Rica book and pretty much focused on three major attractions that were close enough to San Jose for us to travel to around our appointments.

The Chef Bud's Costa Rica/Panama Itinerary:

Day 1: Arrive in Costa Rica, pick up rental 4x4 ($385 for 11 days), and head directly to first monitoring appointment with Dr. Perez. After our appointment we are driving about 3 1/2 hours to Arenal, which is an active volcano. We're staying at the Arenal Observatory Lodge (cost per night $104), an ecolodge that offers lava views from your room!

Day 2-4: We'll be touring and hiking around Arenal. The lodge offers free guided hikes each morning, and horseback riding for $7! There is a waterfall nearby called La Fortuna Waterfall that we plan on hiking to, and we'll celebrate my birthday on July 3rd by whitewater rafting on the Rio Toro.

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Day 4-7: On the morning of July 4th, we'll drive about 5 hours to Monteverde. Monteverde is known as the cloud forest, and is a huge ecological reserve. In Monteverde we plan to zipline and hike through the reserve during both the day and night (unless I chicken out at the thought of a nighttime hike!). We're staying at Pension Santa Elena, a hostel that has great reviews (and is only $45 a night!).

Photo Credit

Day 7: We'll leave Monteverde and head back to San Jose for our afternoon appointment with Dr. Perez. Hopefully we'll have great news with lots of follicles and a thick lining! After the appointment, we are heading 2 hours southwest to Manuel Antonio.

Day 7-10: For the next 3 nights we'll be staying at Verde Mar ($70 per night), and exploring Quepos and Manuel Antonio National Park. This is Costa Rica's smallest national park, but one of the most diverse with rainforest, beaches and coral reefs. By this point, there is a chance that I will be feeling a little uncomfortable so we don't have many plans other than to lay around on the beach and see the famous monkeys around Quepos. Mr. CB wants to surf, and I'll stick to taking pictures.

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Day 10-11: We go back to San Jose on July 10 for our final monitoring appointment. At this point, Dr. Perez will schedule our egg retrieval date. For these 2 nights we're staying at Out of Bounds B&B ($80 a night) which I am so excited about because it looks super cute. We don't have many plans for San Jose, other than dinner out with Holly and her family. I "met" Holly online through Tracie (who went to CR in May for IVF), and Holly is doing IVF with Dr. Perez as well. We've been emailing and I can't wait to meet her!

Day 12: Off to Panama!!! Once we land in Panama, we have a driver meeting us to take us to our apartment. I knew a lot of our time in Panama would be spent relaxing and on bed rest following egg retrieval and egg transfer, so I wanted to have all the comforts of home. I found a great apartment on vrbo.com, and we'll be staying at Posada del Rey ($770 for the week), which is right near the clinic I'll be going to for ER/ET. Panama City reminds me of New York City.

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Day 12-19: We don't have anything specific planned during our time in Panama because we don't know yet when ER and ET will be. We plan to see the Panama Canal and go out to a nice dinner to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary on July 14th. Other than that, we're going to play it by ear! We fly home July 19th, hopefully with some great embies on board!

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Hi, my name is Chef Bud and I am BACK!

Hello to all the Bloomin' Babies readers...I know it's been a while and I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long but I am back and boy has my story taken a different turn!

In my last post way back in March I told you all that our doctor had suggested we move to IVF, and I was looking into the split donor cycle that my RE offered. Shortly after that post, I heard back from the split donor coordinator, and she basically told me that because of my family medical history, I would only be accepted with reservations (and this would be after extensive tests and interviews) and that most likely I would never have a couple choose me to be their donor. It was so hard to hear this...I am a healthy young woman and my RE seemed so sure of this being the perfect fit for us. But I also understand that when a couple makes the hard decision to use donor eggs, they want everything to be as perfect as it can be with those eggs.

So once that option was out, Mr. CB and I were back to square one. The OOP cost at my clinic for IVF is $9300 (ICSI is an additional $1100) plus the medication which could be anywhere from $3000-4000. I was prepared to do anything to make this happen, but I also wanted to be financially responsible. We have worked so hard over the past few years to get out of debt and neither one of us wanted this to put us right back where we were.

While posting on my favorite message board I had seen a post that talked about going out of the country to do IVF. I thought it sounded interesting, so I started doing some research. I found a company called Passport Medical that assists people with medical tourism. I began emailing with Mark, the company's president, and discovered that IVF in Costa Rica/Panama costs $2800 (including super-ICSI) and the medications are half the price of what they cost here. Right away I got on the internet and started pricing out flights, accommodations, rental car and other costs that we would incur over a 19 trip to two countries. I was amazed to find that we could travel to two beautiful places, stay in nice hotels and apartments, see some amazing sights...oh yeah, AND do an IVF cycle...for under $10,000. I was immediately ready to sign up! Photo of Arenal Volcano

It did take some time for Mr. CB to warm up to the idea, and even longer for our families. Once I showed them the statistics for the clinic, and Dr. Perez's credentials and training (he even trained and worked at a top US hospital), everyone was on board. What made me even more comfortable with doing this was that Mark and his wife were going to do their cycle in Costa Rica/Panama in May. He was able to share his experiences and why they felt good about traveling thousands of miles for IVF.

I will say this option isn't for everyone. There are some drawbacks that I will talk about later...let's just say you have to be really laid-back and able to just trust in the system without a lot of questioning. I will say for me, so far so good...I am excited, nervous, hopeful, scared, optimistic. A lot of emotions all rolled into one.

I have so much to tell you about the process but I don't want to bombard you all at once! So over the next few weeks I'll explain how it all works and give details about what went in to planning the trip. Right now I'm on week three of devil pills, which I will take until June 26th. We fly out July 1st and will have our first appointment that afternoon.

In Costa Rica, they use the term "pura vida" as a greeting or farewell. When I looked it up, I found that they use the phrase to express perseverance, resilience in overcoming obstacles, enjoying life and celebrating good fortune. This is definitely our theme for the trip, and our new mantra!

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Where do we go from here?

Extremely emotional appointment with the RE today. He did a SHG to follow up on the HSG that I had on Monday.

He found a very large polyp almost immediately. Even my untrained eye saw it instantly. It was very clear on the screen. He said it was approximately 3cm and needs to be surgically removed.

The cysts are still there and haven't shrunk at all so he wants to have those removed as well.

My right tube is definitely blocked on the outside. Because of this, he said my risk of ectopic pregnancy rises and he recommends going straight to IVF.

Unfortunately, I don't know how we'll afford IVF.

I feel like we've reached a wall that I can't break down or go around. I left the doctor's office and sat in the car and just sobbed and sobbed. Big, loud, heaving sobs. Somehow I made it through the day at work with breaks to go in the bathroom and cry.

And as if that bad news wasn't bad enough.... I got a big box of Enfamil samples in the mail today. Grrrrr.

Diminshed Ovarian Reserve

Yikes. That's what we are possibly facing. It sounds so ominous.

My FSH came back at 10.2 which the nurse said indicates possible diminished ovarian reserve.

I didn't even cry this time when I got the news. I think I'm just numb to bad news now.

So.... we meet with the RE again in 2 weeks. Two days after my ultrasound to see if my cysts are gone. By then, he'll have all my other bloodwork back, including my AMH to see where we go from here.

The nurse was fairly certain a Clomid/IUI cycle was out. She's not certain about an injectable/IUI cycle but feels strongly that he's going to steer us towards IVF.

We can only afford ONE shot at IVF so we'll really need to sit down and discuss what are best chances are... with my shoddy eggs or with donor eggs.

Little Sunflower Bud was pretty clued in to how upset I was feeling and asked if she could cuddle with me. I jumped all over that because she rarely wants to cuddle now! Of course she then patted my tummy and told me it was getting bigger. Oh how I wish, baby girl.

Not a Goodbye, but See You Later

I will be the first to admit that I haven't been around much. The past few weeks have been a bit crazy, both with TTC and just our lives in general. We've had two weddings, a shower and bachelorette party (that I planned and hosted), a bad car accident and having to buy a new car, crazy work schedules and trying to sell our house. Oh yeah, and IUI #2. Needless to say, I feel like we've been spinning in circles. And the trying to conceive part hasn't gone too well.

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In my last post, I talked about my injection class. I learned how to use the follistim pen, and was gearing up for my first injectable cycle. I will say now that the follistim injections were a piece of cake, and after the first couple of days I couldn't even feel the needle when I gave myself the shot. I ended up doing six days of shots, and at my final ultrasound I was told that I had five mature follicles. Yes, you read that correctly...FIVE mature follicles. The nurse said that my RE would cancel my IUI cycle if we had six follicles, but with five the choice was mine to continue or cancel. Mr. Chef Bud and I had many conversations about our options, and I talked to a close friend that has dealt with IF, and we decided to continue with the cycle. I didn't want to look back and have any regrets. I triggered, had a lining that was thicker than ever before (7.4), had 37 million sperm post wash with five follicles. Everything was lining up for a perfect cycle and a BFP...



Until AF arrived. I started my period 9 dpIUI, and honestly, I was devastated. If 37 million sperm and five follicles couldn't produce one baby, there had to be something else going on. I stayed home from work on Monday to get myself together and made an appointment with my RE for Tuesday to talk about what happened and what to do next.


She had no explanation for why it didn't work, which is what I expected with an unexplained diagnosis. What she did suggest is for us to move on to IVF. The way she explained it was that she would have more control with IVF, and would be able to look at other factors including egg quality and fertilization to see if those might be something that is affecting our ability to get pregnant. I understand the rationale behind moving to IVF, but I will be honest when I say that I was really scared. I just never thought I would be at this point, and it was really hard to deal with. Mr. CB had a really hard time with it, especially the financial aspect. He is the money man at our house, and thinking about the cost associated with IVF just blew his mind. We knew we definitely had some long converstions ahead of us.

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We ultimately decided that we needed to move forward in our journey to start a family, but we needed to be financially smart as well. Lucky for us, our clinic offers what is called a split donor cycle. Basically, we will be matched up with another couple who needs an egg donor. I will do an IVF cycle and donate half of my eggs to this couple, and in return I will have a reduced rate for my cycle. In my eyes, this is a win-win situation. Mr. CB and I are able to pay about half of what a standard IVF cycle costs (really important since we are 100% OOP) and we are also able to help another couple whose only shot at having their own child is with an egg donor. I feel very strongly about this since I have seen firsthand on my message board the heartache that women face when they are told that their own eggs are not good enough to create their baby.

Right now we have filled out the donor paperwork, I have talked to the coordinator and we are waiting for them to go over my chart and decide if we are accepted. Once we get the approval, we have to make sure we have all the preliminary testing done, and then we wait for a match. To be matched, a couple has to choose our profile as their donor. It is all anonymous, and I've been told it takes 2-3 months. Once a match has been made, we will do genetic and psychological testing and if all looks good, the recipient and I will go on BCP's to make sure our cycles coincide and then we are on our way. I am hopeful that we will be on our IVF journey sometime this summer. That thought is both exciting and scary.


I have decided that for the next couple of months I will take a break from the blog. We won't be doing much other than waiting to be accepted and then to be matched, and I think it's important for me to focus on other aspects of my life. I have pushed so many things to the back burner since I've been TTC, and now that I have a plan in place and know I have a break ahead of me, I think I should focus on some of those things that have fallen by the wayside. I hope that you will still be interested in my story when I return, and I promise that as soon as I have a match and my IVF cycle is underway (hopefully soon!) that I will be back to let you all know what the process is like. Thank you so much for all of your support and love as Mr. CB and I embark on this next part of our journey!