Levels Rising

The best Christmas present ever I received today, my levels rose to 32 in 72 hours!! I am soo excited and grateful that my levels are rising. We will retest in another week to see where they are at and if they are still rising. I will probably POAS mid-week to see how things are going. Merry Christmas everyone!!

12 Weeks!

(Image source: http://tinyurl.com/mua5ws )

By now, nearly all of your baby's organs, structures and systems are fully formed. The heart begins pumping several quarts of blood through your baby's body every day. Your baby has also begun to develop nerves and a spinal cord, allowing him to feel some types of pain. While your baby's brain is not the same size it will be at birth, it does have the same structure. Fingers and toes have separated and hair and nails continue to grow. Your baby is approximately 2.5 - 3.5 inches and weighs about 12 - 14 grams.

Also, the external genitals can now show definite signs of male and female gender. Before, where there was only reflex movement, your baby now moves spontaneously and at random, although his movements are still too slight to be felt. With the use of a Doppler, you may be able to hear your baby's heart beat at this office visit. It will sound very fast, similar to the sound of a running horse's hooves. Once you hear this sound, you can rest assured that your risk of miscarriage is greatly reduced. (Source: http://tinyurl.com/4ygshag )

How far along: 12 weeks

Total weight change: +3

Maternity clothes: I finally pulled the trigger and got some. I'm not in them constantly, but man are they comfy!

Stretch Marks: No

Movement: Not that I can feel

Sleep: Generally sleeping pretty well

Best Moment This Past Week: The best moment in the past week was, hands down, getting to see Baby Cactus Bud during an ultrasound. I think I exhaled for the first time in a loooong time when I saw the flicker of a heartbeat and the wiggling around. It really made it real to me that there might actually be a baby at the end of this journey.

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: The most difficult moment in the past week was, hands down, the days leading up to the ultrasound. For some reason I was pretty zen the day of and day before (kind of a 'what will be, will be..at least I'll finally know' attitude), but the days before that I was a mess. The day of I was really nervous from when I walked into the building until the ultrasound. My blood pressure was even about 15 points higher than usual (its usually super low), I actually commented on that to the nurse.

Belly Button In or Out: Definitely still in

Cravings/Aversions: Dairy. I'm a milk fiend! Trying to steer clear of ice cream (its my weakness and I've been told to keep the weight gain on the low side). Instead I'm downing milk, cheese & today even pudding like its going out of style.

Symptoms: Aside from some notable nausea today, I've not had morning sickness in the last week. The boobs have been pretty tender today. I'm wondering if they might be about to grow again. Am hoping they keep growing to a minimum as they were a D to start with. Fingers crossed on that one! I've been having round ligament pain a little more regularly. Best of all, I haven't spotted from the ultrasound and attempted pap last week. I have no idea how this is possible as a BM can bring on spotting with me sometimes and I saw the samplers she was using in there and they looked like something out of a horror movie. You know what though, I'll take it! Adding on some symptoms a few days after posting this. I've noticed a pretty major change in my symptoms as this week has gone on. The growth cramps in my ute are much more frequent (every 36ish hours instead of once a week). My boobs are tender as anything and I'm pushing the limits of what my current bra can take, ordered band extenders yesterday. I've also noticed I'm getting tired as anything in the afternoon, and I rarely had pregnancy coma before now. Pretty sure the bambino has reached the developmental transition into 2nd Tri :-D

What I'm Looking Forward To: The NT Scan on Thursday and telling family. I'm planning on sending out an Easter card to my parents with a note on it saying something to the effect of "It seemed fitting to celebrate a day that is about a miracle by telling you that another miracle is on its way" and then signing it with our names and Baby Lastname (expected mid-October). Will probably put a little arrow or something to the date to say Happy Birthday to my mom. Her 55th birthday is just a few days before our EDD. Planning on getting that card in the mail the day of the NT scan. Once they've called me so I know they know, we'll tell the rest of our immediate family via email (Mr CB has said he's OK with his two sets of parents finding out via email). We're telling most of our family and close friends via email because we live thousands of miles away from everyone. So hard to believe that we're less than a week away from spilling the beans!

Take care,

Houston, We Have A Fetus!

11 Weeks!

Most places seem to agree that the fetal stage begins right about now, so I guess that means we have a fetus in there. From here on out things are being fine-tuned and growing like crazy. The bambino should be about the size of a lime this week. Crazy to think I'm clear up to lime already when sweet pea seemed unattainable before.

I'm starting to get really nervous and excited about my ultrasound that is FINALLY due to happen on Thursday. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm hopeful that I might actually get to see a heartbeat and a wiggling baby in there. I'm preparing myself for bad news though. Maybe that sounds strange to some, but its easier for me to be pleasantly surprised than heartbroken again. If anyone has some spare good thoughts to send my way on Thursday, I'd appreciate them. I'll be going to the appt on my own since Mr Cactus Bud can't get off from work.

If it goes well, there will be a shopping spree to follow. I've been itching to get a home doppler and need to get maternity pants. Haven't been able to pull the trigger and do either yet. I'm figuring it will be my reward for a good appt this week.

(Image credit: http://tinyurl.com/5uccd5v )

How far along: 11 weeks

Total weight change: +3

Maternity clothes: No, but most days I really need the pants. Getting some will be my reward for having a good appt on Thursday.

Stretch Marks: No

Movement: Too early

Sleep: My back has been giving me issues in the past week (I'm prone to back issues even when not pregnant). I've had to resort to Tylenol to help as my lack of sleep was interfering with my functioning like a human being.

Best Moment This Past Week: Getting to the baby to the fetus stage and being in the home stretch to the elusive ultrasound. Also a good moment was realizing I'd made it 10 days+ without spotting (Probably because I put myself on pelvic rest and have been faithful to Mr. Metamucil. I needed a break from the bleeding or I'd be BSC with the ultrasound looming right now. Sucks to be on rest, but I think it clearly tells us whats the cause of the spotting.)

Most Difficult Moment This Past Week: Having the ultrasound looming out there. I"m alternately excited and terrified of it.

Belly Button In or Out: Definitely still in

Cravings/Aversions: I was able to eat scrambled eggs this week! Been downing milk and cheese like there is no tomorrow.

Symptoms: What symptoms? Seriously, the only symptoms I've been having with regularity are sore boobs and a slowed down digestive system (and all the joy that comes with that). Nausea is all but gone (occasional wave in the evenings, that's it). Food aversions are lessening (mostly I want to eat everything in sight). Oh, I guess ninja hunger would be a symptom. I call it ninja hunger cuz it sneaks up on me.

What I'm Looking Forward To: The ultrasound on Thursday and telling family in a couple weeks.

Take care,

I Cannot belive it....

So this past Friday Mr. DB & I closed on our first house and began moving in! Needless to say all Friday, Saturday & most of Sunday was spent cleaning, painting, moving & unpacking. Since my mind was completely consumed with the new house I had little time to realize that the 2WW was over. It finally hit me Sunday night that I could test. I of course immediately ran over to the nearest drug store & bought the early response. When I got home I took the test and there is was a faint line. I didn't believe it, so I took another and the same result. I took them in to Mr. DB and asked him if I was seeing things. He smiled and told me I was pregnant. I still couldn't believe what I was seeing! Monday morning I got up bright and early to have my blood drawn to verify. On the way home I decided to get a digital to make sure. Of course the digital screen popped up with Pregnant!I called yesterday morning to get the results of my first beta & it was 58. They told me to get another blood test done this morning to make sure everything was going right. So this morning I took my 2nd beta & I am anxiously waiting to see if I am doubling!
I can't describe how excited and happy I am to know there is/might be our little miracle growing inside me.

So far my symptoms have included being ridiculously tired all the time (i sleep like 10 hours a night & still need an afternoon nap), my breasts are very sore, I feel super bloated (a little constipated, sorry I know TMI), and I have had a little morning sickness but not too bad.


If all goes well with my 2nd beta results I will be able to break the news to my mother at Disneyland!!!! Which will truly make her vacation!

Job Interview!

Photo credit goes to http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/.

Hilarious stuff.

This is pretty much me this afternoon. I got a call asking if I could come in for a job interview on Monday!

The Background: In August I left my job in Virginia so that I could actually live with my husband again. We'd lived apart for 8+ months courtesy of the Navy. Part of that time Mr CB was underway and the rest we were living bi-coastally.

I've only had one interview, and that was by phone as I was on the East Coast still. It wasn't a good fit.

Needless to say being sent rejection letters from every place under the sun is pretty depressing. Especially when it continues for months.

The Scoop: The job is a PT gig at a local department store. Something I'm totally confident I can handle as I've done most of what was on the job description back in my high school and college days. Yeah, I'm over qualified. I have a BA degree and 10 years experience in my field. But you know what? My field isn't hiring right now. Even if it was, I work with hazardous waste and I literally can't go on those job sites if I'm pregnant.

This PT job is actually a potential really good fit for once the baby arrives as it would allow me to be home with the baby while my husband is at work and work a few evening/weekend shifts each week.

Financially, we can get by on my husbands income. It will be tight, but doable. My having an income will allow a little breathing room. It also will help occupy my days and help me feel a little more like I'm part of the world. This gap in my employment is my first time since I was about 16 years old that I've not had an income of some sort coming in. Its been an adjustment.


The Question: When would you tell them about the pregnancy?

I know they legally can't ask during the interview. If the subject comes up, I'll politely deflect. That said, when should I let them know? When an offer is on the table? Once we're out of 1st Tri? Once I'm showing?

I'm really uncomfortable telling people in real life about the pregnancy this early. My own mother doesn't even know yet and we're pretty close. I'm having a hard time with the thought of bringing it up to a complete stranger before I've even seen a heartbeat...but I don't know what the right thing is to do.

I'd love to hear what you would do in this situation, assuming they offer the job that is (please, please, please).

I. AM. PREGNANT!

I cannot believe it! I caved and decided to test around 10:30 with a Dollar Store test and it was almost immediately positive. I started shaking and repeating, "Oh my God, Oh my God". I followed up with a digital and it popped up 'Pregnant' fairly quickly.

Mr. Buttercup Bud and I are beyond thrilled. I had to tell him over the phone because he was on his way to work and I could not wait. He was so excited. We have been texting since then and he told me it hasn't really hit him yet. Tonight we are celebrating in the Buttercup Bud household.

Here is a picture of my tests:

Symptoms, lets see. HUGE boobs, HUGE. Like busting out of my bra. I also have somewhat sore nipples and a persistent lower backache. I have some nausea too, although I am not sure if it is from excitement/nerves or the pregnancy. I cannot believe it, I am pregnant! I am nervous, I so want this baby to stick, so any thoughts/prayers would be appreciated for Baby Buttercup Bud.

I have my first appointment with my OB/GYN next Thursday. I am hoping to go to the birth center that night for the information meeting. I would really like to go natural at the birth center.

Thank you for all of your support. I cannot wait to update you on Baby Buttercup Buds progress.

Best,

Buttercup Bud

6 Weeks!

(Image credit: http://archive.energyfarms.net/node/376 )

I can't believe my ticker for this pregnancy is now on Sweet Pea. Never made it past Appleseed last time. I can't even tell you how good it looked to see an image I'd never seen before AND see it say 6 weeks. Awesome.

Not a whole lot has happened in the last couple days. Only real news it that I might have experienced my first real bought with morning sickness all day yesterday. I'm still not convinced thats what it was though. I felt warm (to myself, thermometer was fine) and was pretty nauseous all.day.long. No puking, but that doesn't say much as I have a really strong stomach. Is it bad that I'm hoping its the pregnancy both to have a 'sign' things are progressing and because I don't want to deal with my husband being sick? Woke up feeling 100% today. So strange how things come and go.

Hoping all is going well in there. This is such a weird stage. I'm past the initial excitement of the BFP, but it feels like I'm years away from getting to see Baby CB on an u/s.

Speaking of seeing Baby CB on u/s, I got news yesterday (after an HOUR on hold) about the status of my referral. Rejected. I'm going to contest it next week, we'll see how that goes. As a back up plan though right after I contest it I'm going to go set up my appointments(hopefully including the first u/s) at the military clinic. I'm pretty much figuring the contesting will fall through, and that way I'll have the ball rolling for getting things going with the new hospital. If there's one thing I've learned as a military spouse its to roll with the punches...the only constant is change. Why should healthcare be any different? *sigh* Right now I'm just trying to be thankful that regardless of where I go for treatment, I have healthcare.

First Appointment

The Alpengeist. My favorite roller coaster at Busch Gardens, Williamsburg.

Photo credit: http://tinyurl.com/4dzx8ch

The time since this BFP has been a real roller coaster. A balancing act, if you will, between being happy and being worried. I'm happy to report that the spotting that was of concern last time I posted has thankfully not returned. My symptoms are still pretty much non-existent though, which I suppose I should be thankful, for but its got me worried. Since the spotting on the 7th I've only had minor nausea and have gone from a waterfall downstairs to a desert. My doctor says thats normal, as does the book she recommended What to Expect When You're Expecting (WTEWYE) by Heidi Murkoff. Dr. Google concurs.

I'm really excited to have made it to my first doctors appointment. I didn't get that far last time. It was kind of surreal being there though, particularly when they gave me paperwork to fill out and I was answering questions with myself listed as "Mother". Kind of reminded me of when we first got engaged and the vendors referred to me as "The Bride". I digress...

The first appointment went well. I was able to pass their pee test (Yahoo!). I got a chance to talk with my doctor. Mostly she just answered questions and asked things like when my last period was, what immunizations I've had, if I was taking prenatal vitamins...things like that. They took some blood samples before I left, from what I could translate from the lab order it looks like it was to make sure I am good and healthy.

The doctor did give me a bit of concerning news. Apparently with my insurance (Tricare), my doctor has to put in a referral to herself to continue my prenatal care. Tricare can refuse her referral and have me go to military clinics and hospitals instead. I'm crossing my fingers that doesn't happen.

Oh and the doctor said that if I get to stay with her office (we should know next week), that she wants me to have an ultrasound around 6 weeks. I'm sooo hoping that gets to happen. My previous loss was at 5w1d, so to see things are on track soon after that point would be amazing. Not to mention there would likely be a heartbeat then. We shall see though, this is all up in the air waiting on the verdict with insurance. I have no idea what the u/s schedule is at the military hospitals...will cross that bridge when I come to it.

If you all wouldn't mind keeping Baby Cactus Bud in your thoughts in the coming days I'd appreciate it. This weekend we'll (hopefully) be passing the gestation when the previous loss occurred. I can't begin to tell you what a huge step making it past that point will be.

Before I forget, I want to send out a big welcome to the two new buds, Determined Bud and Buttercup Bud. I'm looking forward to getting to know you both. Best of luck!

Ringing in the New Year

I finally made it back home! The holidays truly were wonderful, and it was so nice to spend them with family and friends that we had not seen for a long time. It was also nice to be back in New England during the holidays, when winter is at its most fierce. We got a blizzard while we were there...so, Lil JB really got to see what snow and winter were like. As a Florida boy, he was not too impressed, but it was fun none the less!

I really thought I would be able to post from NY when I got their to visit my grandmother. She recently moved into an Assisted Living Facility (ALF), and I stayed at her old home. Little did I know that my aunt and uncle had already turned off her cable, and her internet...so, I had no way of posting...thank goodness I got a Kindle for Christmas!

There were a lot of emotions over the holiday. I found out that my husbands cousin had her baby, and that made me happy and sad at the same time. I found out other people were pregnant again, and looking to welcome babies this spring and summer. AF made her appearance on Christmas Eve, and although I KNEW she was coming, it was hard. It always is. I had NO PMS at all this go round, which is so unusually odd for me, so I had a little glimmer of hope that maybe I was indeed knocked up. Now, that we saw all of our family and friends face to face, many asked us about our plan to adopt. So, we went over that plan, and over it and over it and over it. I was OVER IT all together by the time I returned home again lol, but I know that they were only curious, and that they love us and want to wish us best in everything. It was still hard though.

We did find out some interesting news though...lil JB had two half siblings in Georgia that his mother lost custody of. Apparently, they have been adopted, and we are in the process of giving out contact info to the case manager that handled the adoption so that she can pass it on to the adoptive family. It will be nice to see if we can get any pictures and exchange info, and it will be nice to hear about lil JB's birth mother and what they may know about her that we do not.

All in all, a very nice holiday. Here's to 2011. :-)

~June Bud

Beta #1= Success!

I just got a call from our nurse at the RE's office.

Beta #1 (9dp5dt)= 152! That is a fantastic number. I go back in 2 days to see if it is doubling correctly.

I actually got my BFP at 5dp5dt on an HPT. I decided to test early since that was really the only normal thing I get to do during an IVF cycle, and I was dying to know if I was PG. I tested out my trigger and it had been out for about 4 days. I got a BFN the morning before my BFP.

I woke Mr. Sassy Bud up to tell him and he said "Yayyy! Can I go back to sleep now?" To be fair, it was 3am. I was up getting ready for a football trip we were going on and he still had another 45 minutes to sleep. I thought his reaction was cute.

I am so thankful that I have had a perfect IVF cycle so far, minus getting very sick during the first week of stims. After 22 months, I can finally say, I am pregnant!

Answers!

On Friday, after 8 days of negative tests, (on 15DPO), Mr. Magnolia Bud and I found out what was up! I tested (again) after work, and the first test was clearly positive. So were the second, third, fourth, and fifth...all different brands.

Baby Magnolia Bud is on the way!!! S/he will be here on/about June 2, 2011, and we are both over the moon with excitement and anticipation!

I learned my lesson about early testing--I think I used 13 internet cheapies in those 8 days, plus at least six early response tests. With Baby #2, I really need to learn what patience is!

I'm really looking forward to sharing the pregnancy part of this journey with you. Thanks to all of you for your support over the last month that I've been sharing our story with you.

Lots of love and baby dust,

Magnolia Bud and Baby Magnolia Bud

35 Weeks, ANOTHER night in L&D, ANOTHER missed baby shower, and Bedrest

From the title of my post you can tell its been fun huh? So when I was 34 weeks on a Friday I called my doctor because I was having a headache that would.not.go.away. It hurt so very very bad. I tried everything. I decided to take my BP since its been going up and low and behold it was up there in the 140s. I decided then to call my doctor normally when resting it never got up that high. The on call doctor asked me to try to get rid of it with caffeine and Tylenol and if it didn't go away go into the hospital. Don't worry he said, you won't stay over night. YEAH RIGHT.

We got in and my BP was in the upper 150s. I blamed nerves. Once I rested and the nurse went out it went down dramatically. They had be start the 24 hour urine collection and did some blood work. I thought I would be discharged and go home. Not the case. The nurse said they wanted to hold me over night and watch me for 24 hours. That meant I would miss my baby shower.. AGAIN. WTF I wanted to cry but I knew there was no use. By now it was just hilarious. Apparently my daughter is shy and hates attention on her.

I called all my friends and the girls hosting the shower to let them know of the news and like great friends they are they were all understanding and considerate. We decided to have people come up to the hospital and eat cake.. YUM!

Overall it was a WONDERFUL shower. I have some wonderful friends who were very considerate and generous. I got released after the shower and told to follow up with my doctor on Monday and continue with the 24 hour urine collection. Oh and bed rest for the weekend.

I checked up with my doctor and my BP is slowly rising and looks like I'm developing Pre-Eclampsia. I know I'm super close to being full term so I'm trying not to worry about this at all but I did have to stop working and got put on bed rest.

While bedrest sounds wonderful for the first hour it sucks. Let me tell you. I know what I am doing is for the best but the nesting urge is ridiculous and I want to do so much but can't do anything. I can go from bed, couch, bathroom, back to bed, couch. I have one day a week I can go to dinner with Mr. OB or to a movie but he has to drop me off as close as possible to the entrance and limit my walking.

It looks like my BP is doing okay while I'm resting but if I get up and do anything it goes up to the 140s/80s. My doctor is hopeful I can make it to 37 weeks (FULL TERM!!!) and we can induce. We were planning on inducing anyways because little Pepper (or shall I say BIG) is measuring 3 weeks ahead.

So right now I'm just laying here and playing on the internet. In the past week I have watched so much TV and I feel like a bum. I'm not going to lie I'm envious of those women who can still do things at 35 weeks. I hate that I'm stuck here but I know its for the best for ME and PEPPER. And I also know in a couple of weeks I'm going to be WISHING I could lay on the bed and have nothing to do.

I could use many prayers right now that my BP stays low and that Ms. Pepper stays in me until I'm at least 37 weeks. I'm so close I can taste it!

And here is a 34 week photo of my belly. It sucks because now I don't really get dressed now but I told Mr. OB I promise to keep up with the photos. This was a photo I took of the dress I was GOING to wear to my shower. Boo! Instead I wore an awesome nursing nightgown.

I've become THAT girl!

This weekend has been pretty good. We did not do very much, which was nice...but, as I get ready to return to work, I am starting to get nervous about dealing with TTC, the heartbreak, and keeping positive at work. I have become that girl...

Friday night, Mr. JB came home, and told me that he had just gotten off the phone with his grandmother. She had informed him that his cousin (who was recently married) and his new wife are pregnant. I was in the middle of standing in the laundry room folding clothes. I stopped mid fold, looked at him, dropped the shirt and dissolved into tears. My poor, poor hubby. He did not know how to react. I think he felt bad that he had told me. He said he probably shouldn't have. Well, HELLO! I would find out EVENTUALLY. They might live out of state, but that does not mean I won't ever see them, or hear about them! They are family!!!

So, I proceeded to get a grip on myself, and decided to distract myself by jumping online and checking emails. BAD BAD BAD IDEA! I opened my Facebook account to find an email from a friend of mine, that he and his wife are also expecting. That was it...I shut the computer down, turned the tv off, turned the lights off and went to bed. I had had enough! I know...I shouldn't let it get to me...but, I can't help it.

Maybe someday it won't bother me so much...

June Bud

Roller coasters are supposed to be fun!

The big news is: Today I am pregnant. The question remains... for how long.

Friday night I got the bright idea to take a pregnancy test at midnight before I went to bed. Total crapshoot. Figured why not?!

Holy crap, this popped up:
Saturday morning, tested with a digital, Not Pregnant. Okay. Went to the store to buy more tests. Tested Saturday afternoon with a FRER and got this:
Very faint. But definitely there and definitely within the time limit.

Holy crap. Woohoo!

Tested Sunday morning, line was lighter. Tested Sunday afternoon. Still faint but still there.

Commence freaking out about the lines getting lighter. They are supposed to get DARKER!

Fast forward to my beta today. It's a bright shiny... 7. The nurse's exact words were, "You are so barely pregnant, we aren't sure if you even are." World comes crumbling down. While my miracle was crashing down around me, I could hear the nurse saying that I needed to come back in Wednesday for another beta but that I should really prepare myself for a miscarriage. She's actually shocked that the tests registered anything at all. Trying to be somewhat optimistic, she said that there is a possibility that I'm just very early and ovulated later than I thought (on the 18th instead of the 17th) and implanted late. But she said this is a slim possibility and the more likely scenario is that the implant just didn't take properly.

Now I get to pack the maternity clothes back into the tub that I had Mr. Sunflower Bud drag out of the garage in my excitement and cancel my ebay auctions that I was selling my Clear Blue Easy digital ovulation kits that I had left over...

I think I'll just stick with pessimism from now on because optimism sure does suck.

7w1d.... another chance to see smudge....

...and, smudge looks good.

She's 7w1d today. Her heartbeat was 158. She measured 7.9mm, which is almost double last week (4mm), and is measuring at 6w5d. The RE says that's perfectly normal.

My RE said that much like when the baby is born, and gets measured against a growth percentile chart, there's a "growth chart" for in utero as well and the baby has to measure within a week of the actual dates. So we're right on track. He said her heartbeat is perfect.

All told... things look good. He tried to kick me out today - but I suckered one more u/s out of him next week. I told him that he can't tell me the miscarriage risk drops to 5% at 8 weeks and not see me at 8 weeks.

In other news, I also talked to my RE about how an RN would break into the field of IF (i'm miserable at my job, and have been job hunting for quite awhile. Mr. DB and I have been talking about this possibility for about 6 months). He said that he might be looking for a new nurse soon (i know one of his LPNs left suddenly, and they're not thrilled with her replacement) ... i'm not going to hold my breath... but at least I opened a door.

Other news from the u/s: no obvious cysts, so we'll chalk up the weird left sided cramping to growing pains for now. No changes in the fibroid and the second sac is still resolving.

Pregnancy symptoms: I'm still peeing every 5 minutes, which is REALLY cutting into sleeping, but that's okay. At least I know I'm pregnant, right? Occasional nausea, and some dizziness... but I think between the Vitamin B6 that I'm taking and the acu are keeping the worst of the morning sickness at bay.

After all this time....

Almost 2 years of TTC, Countless Cycles, Devastating Diagnosis, Rivers of Tears and Two IVF cycles....

.... Have led me to you....

That's my baby smudge.

We had our 1st ultrasound yesterday at 6w1d. Our baby is measuring perfectly. We saw a perfect heartbeat and were able to hear it.

It was so surreal.

Dr Z saw a second sac, a lost twin. As bittersweet as that should be, i'm okay. I knew somehow, and had even commented to someone the other day that I felt like there had been two, and that one had been lost. It's really weird to be right about that - but I think, however I knew that, it helped me work through it before I even saw the u/s. I think that's why I've been so nervous the past week or so. Why i've been looking up everything I can about blighted ovum and things like that. Because I knew it was happening. And I was able to work through it before I saw it on the u/s.

I also asked Dr Z to check my fibroids. There's now only 1 and it's nowhere near the baby. Dr Z has no concerns about the fibroid affecting the pregnancy at all.

Meanwhile, we're absolutely thrilled about our little smudge... please keep thinking about us. The next 2 weeks are really important. We'll go back for another u/s in one week, and then again the following week.

I love you baby smudge.

It's the End of the World as We Know it, and I Feel Fine

The Hamburgler

And I have made it to 8 weeks! Woo hoo! I can't wait to see Jelly Bean (aka Hamburgler) again! I have a feeling if everything goes well.. Please God let everything go well.. I will officially graduate from my RE.

I'm sort of sad actually to tell you the truth. I love him so much. He is so caring, understanding, cute (yes I said cute), sweet, smart, knowledgeable. Man I could go on and on. I wish he could follow me through my whole pregnancy and get to meet and see Olivia or Jack. The good thing is he is very good friends with my OB and my OB is upstairs in the same office building. Maybe one day I can accidentally run into him with our new little one.

I will be happy to graduate but sure am going to miss Dr. H. We are definitely going to see him with #2 if I still have ovulation issues.

So whats going on with me? Lets see. I'm sick. I throw up alot. It has gotten a little better but as weird as it sounds, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside! Its very reassuring.

I love burgers. I can't get enough burgers. Actually I want sonic now. OH MY GOD, a double cheeseburger sounds ridiculously awesome right now.

I'm tired to the extent that I didn't know I could be tired. Seriously I could sleep all day and still be tired.

I have to pee about a million times in one night.

My pants don't fit.

I ate banana pudding for dinner last night.

I haven't worked out in a week.

I went to the gym yesterday and forgot my pants. Who does that?

Did I mention I barf at night?

Oh and lets not forget the crazy ass dreams I have.

Nipples hurt.

You know what? I wouldn't change this FOR A THING! I absolutely love it. I know lots of women who complain. Who are upset. Why do I have to be sick. Why do my pants not fight. Women that are miserable. But I personally love it. I love knowing I am making a little person. I love that God has given me and Mr. OB this opportunity. I wouldn't trade this for a million bucks. I wouldn't trade it for energy. I wouldn't trade it for a bigger bladder.

This is simply amazing. And for all you ladies out there TTC, DONT GIVE UP! I know its hard. I know how many tears I have shed over this. I know how many times I was upset with God but in the end he came through for us. And that is simply amazing! I thank him every.single.day.

So long overdue. I'm sorry.

I've been a horrible blogger. There is a reason. Main reason is shown below:


Can you see that? Can you see our jelly bean? Can you see it? Yes I'm pregnant. I'm 6w3d today. Last Friday we got to see a heartbeat and it was truly amazing. Mr. OB wanted to take a photo with his iphone and my RE said, here's a print out. So sweet!

So why didn't I blog this earlier. Well people in real life have this blog link and I wanted to make sure this little jelly bean sticks. We are just cautiously excited. Don't get me wrong. I wanted to share it with the entire world, just need to be cautious.

So how did it happen? Well you know how it happened. I was on clomid 50 mg and timed intercourse. I had a monitoring appointment with my awesome awesome RE to check and see if I had ovulated and released an egg and low and behold, we saw my egg. My egg was just chilin' and relaxin' just waiting. I had a pep talk with my little egg and said, please go find sperm NOW! (I really think this is what did it. Totally JUST KIDDING)

I remember thinking after this appointment and even telling Worry Bud, can I still get pregnant since he did that ultrasound? Did it kill the sperm? Well um either Mr. OB's sperm is crazy strong or yeah it didn't matter. I'm going with it didn't matter.

So after the appointment, I just waited. I remember the nurse at the RE's office saying, be sure to call when you get your period. Mr. OB kept saying, that won't be necessary. He is such an optimistic little guy.

I will never forget my BFP. I decided to test after my temp went up on cd11. It NEVER stays up that high. EVER. It always plummets. I didn't even feel different this cycle. I was just ready to get some testing done after AF came.



Well that Thursday morning it was as early as 5 in the morning and Mr. OB was already getting ready for work. I'm lazy and SLEEP forever but I just had to pee so I walk to the bathroom, pull down my pants, and 'Knocked Up' (the movie) style, pee on a stick.

I stare and stare and say, Oh sh*t. There's a line. I see it. Oh My. I get the stick run down the stairs into the kitchen where Mr. OB is making his coffee and say, Oh My God. Do you see it? He says, yeah but its so faint. My comment, who cares! Its a line! We're having a baby!

I then can't go back to sleep. Go figure and call my RE's office when they open I go in for a beta and its 33. 33!! I'm pregnant! I can't believe it.

I then have multiple betas and they all seem to be doing great and multiplying correctly. I'm still in shock. Its so amazing. So unbelievable. It happened.

Like I said, on Friday I saw our little jelly bean and its little heart thumping away. So tiny but so loved already.

Tomorrow I go in for another u/s. I'm hoping this time we can measure the heartbeat and will get to see little jelly bean's growth.

Thank you everyone for the support, thoughts, and prayers. Please continue to pray for us and our little jelly bean. Its truly amazing!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi everyone! I just wanted to give a quick update on the pregnancy so far and to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

Well, so far everything is going pretty well with the pregnancy. Today I am 5 weeks and 5 days along based on the first day of my last period. I will be having my first appointment next Tuesday, December 1st. I am so excited and so scared all at the same time. I have been having the typical "pregnancy fears." Ya know - what if something is wrong? What if I have had a missed miscarraige? What if, what if, what if...

However, I will say that I am optimistic because I am having some insane nauseous and upset stomach, I am super tired all the time and still no cramping or spotting. So, say a prayer that all these are wonderful signs.

On that note, I am going to leave you all by saying Happy Thanksgiving and eat lots and lots!

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