Follie check #1

I was able to start stims last Friday. After four nights of 150 IU of gonal-f, I went into the clinic this morning for u/s and b/w. After a slight delay due to lost power and a few tears due to missing my one free period (damn hormones), the nurse told me I was off to a great start. I have quite a few smaller follicles on both sides and one to two that measure 10 mm to 11 mm. That was all the information I got. I am always so impressed by the ladies who ask for every little measurement and all the hormone levels. I always mean to ask, but I don't and my clinic does always volunteer them.

Because I am such a good responder, I got a prize today: an extra shot. In addition to 150 IU of gonal-f, I get to add cetrotide. Awesome! Add my acupuncture tomorrow and I will be lucky if I'm not leaking by the time I go in for my follow up on Thursday.

I forgot just how emotional I am on stimms. I really think my family believes I have cracked. I cried hysterical twice this weekend over silly little things. 1) Beyonce on the VMAs- really why can she have it all plus get pregnant 2)Children at family restaurants - I swear the guy at the table near us was propping his son up just to make sure he was right in my line of vision. 3) Missing my one free period today at work when really I wouldn't have done anything except chat with my friend. Can't wait to see what happens when I add more hormones and parents at Open House. Please oh please don't cry!

Let the wait begin!

Wednesday's monitoring appointment was a bit better. My follies grew to: 18, 14, 13, 13. One dropped off so they didn't even tell me the measurement. My E2 took a nice leap to around 350 which they were very pleased with. The nurse told me that it indicated that there *could* be more than one egg. That would make me happy because I was a bit bummed at only one good follicle.

They had me trigger Wednesday night at 7pm. I shoved a bag of frozen corn down my pants to numb that butt cheek good and cold. Mr. Sunflower Bud seemed to really enjoy doing that shot. I only cried just a little bit. :) I am so not a needle person at all.

I'm hoping that the 14mm follie caught up to maturity by ovulation. I'm having cramping pains on both sides so hopefully that is a great sign of ovulation on both sides. The 18 was on the right and the 14 was on the left.

Thursday morning was the second post coital. This test was not good. My cervical mucous was much better than it was on Tuesday. Dr. P said it was clear and flowing and he was very pleased with it. However... the majority of DH's sperm were not swimming around freely. Instead they were staying in one place just shaking like they had been electrocuted or having a seizure. Dr. P let me see this under the scope and it was the weirdest thing. Mr. Sunflower Bud's sperm analysis was "donor quality" so we were perplexed by this. Dr. P believes that one of us has a sperm antibody that is causing the sperm to react this way. He estimated that only around 10% of the sperm on the slide were actually swimming properly.

So... our chances for this cycle working are much lower than we anticipated. We're giving it our all with sex twice a day until Saturday but we're really just kind of looking at it as a learning cycle. They will be better able to adjust my dosage of Follistim next cycle now that we now I need to start out at a more aggressive dose since I didn't respond very well to the lower dose this cycle.

We're also scheduled for IBT testing to determine if one of us has the sperm antibody. Mr. Sunflower Bud has to have another SA since it's been a year since his last one and they are also going to do infection testing on him as well.

Going forward, Dr. P said that we will go straight to IUI and will not consider TI anymore due to the "shaking sperm" problem.

As is in my nature... I've already started testing out the trigger because I just enjoy seeing 2 lines on a test. Already getting lighter, yay! Hopefully it won't last the whole 10 days.

Another monitoring update...

Day 2 of monitoring didn't start out very well. Started out with a post coital test which was horrible. My CM was so thick that the sperm were stuck in it and not moving. This was not what my RE expected to see with an estrogen level of 168. I did have a very nice "I told you so" moment because I've been telling him over and over again that I have CM issues. Now he believes me. I love being right. I gloated for a good part of the morning over that.

Ultrasound showed that some of my follicles shrank and others didn't grow at all. I'm currently at: 15, 14, 13, 11, 10.

I was told that I was in pretty big danger of having my cycle canceled to poor response. *cry* I was in pretty poor spirits as I left the office and prayed for most of the day that my estrogen levels cooperated and would keep me in the game.

Thankfully, they didn't fail me. My estrogen rose to 240. Yay!

So they upped my Follistim dosage to 150 tonight. Triple my original dose! Yikes! Mr. Sunflower Bud is getting very good at giving me shots. While I was so proud of myself for doing 2 whole shots myself, I chickened out after that. He's gotten a more steady hand and it didn't even hurt at all tonight. And I had to have 2 shots instead of just 1, since I had to switch to a new cartridge.



I go back in again in the morning for another monitoring appointment and another post coital on Thursday morning. That post coital will determine if we will need to do IUI.

So more prayers tonight that my follicles kick into gear already and my estrogen rises a ton! I'm on day 7 of stims now.

Stupid Estradiol.

The nurse called me this afternoon and told me that my Estradiol level was very low for as many follicles as I have. It was only 168. She said that indicated that only one follicle was most likely functioning.

Naturally, I was completely upset. After all of this, we get ONE follicle??? *sigh*

They upped my Follistim to 75 for tonight and I go back in tomorrow morning at 8am.

We're also doing the post coital test tomorrow, which means we have to get up early in the morning to have sex. I haaaaaaate morning sex. UGH. I am so not a morning person. But there is some concern about my lack of cervical mucous. The nurse said it should definitely be noticeable by now and it's not. So here's hoping for some answers there.

Hoping for better news tomorrow. Maybe a nice spike in Estradiol and some growth of 2 more follicles. *crosses fingers*

Definitely responding!

I had my first monitoring appointment today. 5 nights of Follistim so far. I have 5 follicles. 16, 15, 13, 12, 10. The nurse said there is a risk of being canceled (they cancel with over 3 good size ones). I'm to do one more night of Follistim and go back tomorrow to see how they look. Hoping only the larger ones grow large and the smaller ones stay under 16. Still waiting on my blood test results.

My lining was at a 5, which she said was still pretty thin. They like to see at least 7 for triggering.

Since there is also a significant absence of cervical mucous, they may be doing a post coital test tomorrow as well.

Wow, my body is CRAZY!

Well the good news is that my 4cm shrunk to 2cm.

The bad news is that it's still too big to proceed.

The worse news is that I have FIVE more cysts ranging between 11mm and 18mm.

Um, what?

She said it's possible they could be follicles and that the birth control pills aren't suppressing me properly. So I have to finish up the 5 remaining days of birth control pills and hopefully get a period and then we'll see what's going on at CD3. If they are still there, she'll check my estradiol level and if it's high, then another month on birth control pills.

Seriously... only I would still get follicles on the pill. I am PRAYING that they are follicles and not more cysts because how on earth did I get FIVE more cysts on the pill!!!

Twenty four

Just got the call--our donor's egg retrieval is Tuesday, our 3rd anniversary. I hope this is a good sign. What's definitely a good sign is the number of mature follicles she has--24! Wow wow WOW!

In the meantime I've been drinking POM juice and thinking thick thoughts. I was trying to remember what I'd done differently in past cycles and I realized one major difference--I was taking baths almost nightly right up until embryo transfer. For whatever reason I hadn't been taking baths this time, so I took one last night. And I'll take another tonight and tomorrow and then see what Tuesday's ultrasound brings.

I also found a great blog post from an RE, Dr. Licciardi, that talks about how lining thickness might not be that critical (scroll down to The Endometrium Part III). It gave me a lot of hope.

Til Tuesday,
Golden Bud

I spoke too soon

In my last post I said my uterus rules.

Apparently, it does not.

On Friday I went in for a lining and estrogen check. As soon as the vag-cam was in place I knew something was wrong. I barely recognized my own uterus. Turns out my lining is thin, which is yet another new problem for me. Can you believe my terrible luck?

The nurse called in the doctor and they checked all my old lining stats and pictures from my last hysteroscopy (during my D&C). The doctor doesn't think it's a physical issue, like scarring, just a poor cycle. Last time (my previous donor cycle) by this point my lining was 9 something. This time it's 5.6. They want at least 7, and the nurse told me she'd seen twin pregnancies on a 6 so that's the bare minimum. Fortunately my transfer is over a week away, which they tell me is plenty of time to build my lining. The doctor gave me estrogen suppositories and I've been drinking POM juice and raspberry leaf tea, two home remedies to build lining. My estrogen test came back at 441, which is a good number (they want >150), but at this point I think lining thickness is more important than estrogen level.

In other news, my donor had been in earlier that morning for her Day 8 ultrasound. The nurse gushed that the donor looked great and was doing really well. She had 15 measurable follicles plus another 40 or so. Our donor is going in for another ultrasound on Sunday and they may have her trigger then, which means her egg retrieval will be Tuesday, which happens to be our 3-year anniversary. I love the thought of our children being conceived on our anniversary--it would be a fitting beginning to the next step of our journey.

I go in for another ultrasound on Tuesday to check my lining again. I hope hope hope it's thickening up. I don't know what else they can try...I've heard that Viagra suppositories also work...maybe I'll end up on those. I was also thinking of making an acupuncture appointment. It never did much for my follicles by maybe it'll work for my lining (ironically I threw out her business card on Friday. Serves me right). Thank goodness we are planning for a 5-day transfer to buy a little more time. Worst case we'll have to freeze everything and start a frozen embryo transfer ASAP. Fortunately I think we have a really good chance of having a good number to freeze, so my lining issues aren't the end of the world, but still, talk about stress I don't need!

I've also been shopping for my donor gift. Mr. GB will deliver it to the clinic when he goes in to give his sample. Her favorite color is teal and she likes yoga, so I got her a teal notebook, votive, and an "OHM" necklace. I still need to write her a note...I'm so not good at that part. I'm sure I'll think of something.

Til Tuesday!
Golden Bud

And our donor egg cycle continues...

Lots of good news to report! I had my estrogen check last Friday--it was 168! They were looking for anything over 50. My ovaries might suck but my uterus rules!

The more exciting news is that today is my donor's 5th day of stimulation meds. My donor coordinator called me with an update--our donor had 11 measurable follicles and 45 more growing. Those numbers are so big I can barely add them! Granted they may not all be mature at the time of her retrieval (estimated next Monday or Tuesday) but still, those are great numbers. I am very hopeful!

I go in Friday for another estrogen check and an ultrasound to measure my lining. Friday is our donor's day 8 appointment as well, so I'll have another update on her follicle count. She should be triggering Friday or Saturday. Holy cow!

Til Friday - wish us luck!
Golden Bud

Slow and steady wins the race?

Just a quick update to say I had another monitoring appointment today at CD 21 and I do have a 14 mm follicle in my left ovary, so I am inching towards some progress here! My next monitoring appointment is on Tuesday. I hope hope hope I will have made more progress by then and the IUI will be a go!

As the IUI keeps getting more delayed I have been becoming a bit of a basketcase. Today when I was waiting for my u/s, a husband and wife (also American) came into the clinic with their twin babies to show them off to the staff. It was her first visit back to to the clinic since she got pregnant apparently, and she started crying. I started to get a little weepy, too, and my feelings were so complicated in that moment. I was crying because I was happy for her, and perhaps projecting a little by sharing in the emotions of her moment, but I was also crying because I was wondering whether I would some day have the opportunity to go back to that clinic with my baby(ies) and Mr. Blueberry Bud.

When we first started TTC, getting pregnant and having a baby seemed so concrete, like this was something that was really going to happen to us and it was such an exhilarating and exciting feeling! As time passes, the idea of having a take-home baby, like the kind you can push into the fertility clinic in a stroller, seems more and more abstract. Some day soon, I hope.

On the joys of socialized medicine

Unfortunately, this cycle isn't exactly panning out to be all we had hoped. When I left off last time, I had a monitoring ultrasound on CD 11 which showed no dominant follicle. On CD 15 I had my next monitoring ultrasound and this time I had a follicle on my right ovary, which measured 9mm. At my next ultrasound on CD 17 it was a measly 10mm and the ultrasound technician told me I have uterine fibroids. I usually O between CD 15-17 so I'd say things aren't looking too promising for this cycle. We thought for sure we would be ready for the IUI last week.

I am feeling frustrated and confused about my lack of follicle growth. I believe that I have ovulated on all of my previous charted cycles based on my temp shift but something strange seems to be going on with my follicle growth. Last cycle I ovulated on CD 17, but my follicle stopped growing around CD 12 and never seemed to reach over 17mm. This cycle I don't know what to think about my lack of follicle growth.

Meanwhile, the doctor I am seeing this cycle is a complete moron. I've asked him several times whether I should be concerned about my strange follicle growth patterns (normal follicle growth is ~2mm/day). His answer to everything is that I am doing great, my follicles will grow 2mm/day starting now (even though 'now' has obviously changed as time has passed), and I should be ready for our IUI on Sunday (before it Wednesday, as in this past Wednesday). He also didn't know what a uterine fibroid is, or rather he didn't understand the word in English, so he couldn't answer my question as to whether I should be concerned about it. Remember that ob/gyn in the movie Nine Months who had just immigrated from Eastern Europe and said he was previously a large animal vet? Well I am pretty sure that him and my doctor are the same person.

So you might be asking yourself how a real-life person such as myself could possibly be subjected to the same level of medical care as a fictional character in a Robin Williams comedy. In Israel, we have socialized medicine. I am actually hugely in favor of socialized medicine and I think the U.S. would be better off with a system like it, but it definitely has its major faults. As I wrote about in my last post, fertility treatment is covered under the national healthcare program (including IVF for up to two live births), which is really wonderful. However, you have little control over who your doctor is in the public system. At the fertility clinic at the hospital where I go, I have been seeing whichever resident is doing a rotation in the fertility service. This isn't inherently a terrible thing, other than lack of continuity in care since the person changes every few months. However, there is also great variability between residents. The one I dealt with a couple months ago was great, this one is horrible.

I have pretty much given up hope on this cycle. Of course we will make the best of it and continue to BD away. On August 22 we have a consultation with Prof. L, a senior RE who is supposed to be really terrific. We will likely be seeing him as a private patient from then on out. I think we are both really looking forward to speaking with someone who has the experience and knowledge to answer all of our questions and consider the data carefully. I think it will be a good solution for us -- we can see him privately for consultations and procedures, but any tests and drugs will still be covered by the socialized system. Unfortunately, as is often the case with socialized medicine, if you want to choose your doctor and you want a little hand-holding, you have to suck it up and pay a lot for it. Here's to a happy and sunny weekend!

Thoughts at the beginning of our first IUI cycle

One issue I have been struggling with lately as we enter our first IUI cycle is how to deal with missing work for fertility treatments. I recently posted on the Nest GP board about this asking for advice. It is really awkward for me to have to leave work for prolonged periods of time for frequent appointments, especially when the appointments seem spontaneous and unplanned given the unpredictable nature of fertility treatments.

On one hand, I think it sounds like BS to leave for vague, repeated, and unpredictable appointments on short notice. In addition, if it means I have to back out from giving a presentation or going to a conference at the last moment, I feel like it could really trigger concerns about my work ethic or even foster resentment (even if I say it is for a medical appointment, one might ask why I specifically needed to schedule an appointment on the day of something important!).

If I explain I am going for ongoing medical treatments and act vague about it, I don't want to concern people and let their imaginations run wild at what mystery medical problem I might be facing. On the other hand, I really feel like my and DH's effort to conceive is no one else's business and that it's a little TMI--I mean, perhaps they prefer not to know what is going on! Anyway, this is the ongoing monologue in my head that I am currently trying to sort through.

For Mr. Blueberry Bud, the problem is even greater since he has patients scheduled for surgeries months in advance and can't just jump ship and head for the fertility clinic located almost 1 hour from his hospital because his wife's follicle reached the perfect size:-/ We will somehow make this work because it is a priority and we have to make it work but these are some of the anxieties that I am facing right now. I know this must be a common issue for all couples undergoing fertility treatments and we will find our own style and way to navigate, but for now it sure feels like a lot of floundering.

In other news, I had a monitoring ultrasound today on CD 11. My lining was 7.5 but the u/s tech couldn't spot any dominant follicles yet. I hope this isn't a foreshadowing of things to come and that I will still O, albeit maybe a bit late this cycle. Last cycle, I already had a 16mm and 7mm follicle on CD 12 (of course the dominant follicle then started diddly-daddling and grew only 1mm over the next 3 days and I didn't O until 5 days later on CD17). I am trying to think positive thoughts--always hard when you are subconsciously preparing yourself for the next disappointment.

Lastly, I am going to make an appointment tomorrow with a senior RE who is supposed to be amazing. Since we have socialized medicine in Israel, fertility treatment is covered by the government-subsidized health basket (awesome!), but when you go to the fertility clinic you generally see a resident has just completed his rotation in IVF and he consults with a senior RE. If you actually want to deal directly with a senior RE, you need to pay OOP and see him privately. Mr. Blueberry Bud and I decided that at this point it is worth it, especially to get our many questions answered. So far I have seen two of the residents -- one who was really great and another who in addition to not seeming very good, didn't seem to care. If nothing else, I think it will make us at least feel better about the care we are receiving to speak with someone who is very experienced.

An Overdue Update

Hola! I apologize for not updating sooner, but we've had spotty internet service and have been super busy exploring this amazing country. I am in LOVE with Costa Rica. We haven't even left yet and I already can't wait to come back!

First things first, let me get you up to date on our medical progress. I had my follie check on Wednesday, July 7th and it was a little disappointing. I had 7 follicles that were measuring between 10 and 14 mm, and my lining was a measly 4 mm. I will be honest and say that I was positive that I would have over 10 follicles. I had 8 at my last failed IUI, and now I am doing stronger meds and for a longer amount of time. I teared up in the bathroom as I was changing, but Dr. Perez assured me (as did my friends who are in the know with IVF) that it's QUALITY over quantity. The follicles are growing together, and it's much better to have a few great eggs than a bunch of mediocre ones. The lining was definitely a concern, as I knew it probably would be, and Dr. Perez prescribed estrogen patches to help it along.

My second follie check was today, and the great news is that my lining is 7.4! That's the same as my last IUI, and the thickest I've gotten it. Plus, I still have a few days for it to fatten up even more before transfer. Today Dr. Perez only recorded 5 good sized follicles, so some decided to stop growing or maybe there are even some hiding. I am in a great place mentally right now and I am totally trusting that everything is going to work out. I know my 5 are rock stars!

I have to set my alarm for 3 AM tomorrow to do my trigger shot, then we fly to Panama early Monday morning and egg retrieval is set for 3 PM, Panama time! I can't believe we are already here! I am super excited, but nervous as well. I've never been under any kind of anesthesia, and the unexpected does make me nervous. But I know everything will turn out just right. I had already looked up my estimated due date in anticipation of having my ER on the 12th (just trying to be positive =), and it would be April 4, 2011. That is my Granny's birthday, and she passed away over 6 years ago. She was the most amazing woman ever, and I know for sure that she will be looking over us through this huge event in our lives.

Our adventures in Costa Rica have been unbelievable. After we left the volcano, we headed to Monteverde, where we ziplined through the rain forest and over huge mountain valleys, and also hiked in the Monteverde Cloud Forest. We saw the rare and famous quetzal (a bird that people from all over the world travel to CR to see) and hiked to the continental divide and a waterfall.

We headed next to the beach and Manuel Antonio. We visited the national park with a guide and saw a ton of sloths, monkeys and even a boa constrictor. We hit the beach for the afternoon where Mr. CB had a chance to surf and had some amazing meals. The best part of the stay there was our visit to La Reserva, where a friend has an amazing house. It was between rentals so we were able to enjoy the infinity pool for the entire morning and then had a couples massage on the back deck. It was ultimate relaxation, and just what we needed to relieve some tension before heading to Panama.

Now we are in San Jose and plan to spend tomorrow in the city checking out some historical sites, the market and finding a fun place to watch the World Cup final. Then bright and early Monday it's off to Panama for the next step of our adventure! We have internet in our apartment in Panama and I'll be on bed rest that first night so I will make sure to update you on our ER.

Pura Vida!

I Don't Even Recognize Myself: AKA Monitoring Update #2.6

I'm not going to hem and haw and try to be all literary with this blog post. I'm just going to stick to the facts. And the fact is I'M A FREAKIN' ROCKSTAR!!!

Jem is truly truly truly outrageous!

My E2 yesterday was 1130. I never even got that high last time AFTER trigger. I bet I get to 2k after trigger this time. My highest E2 last cycle was between 1000 and 1100. This is CRAZY!! My lining is 17 and trilaminar. Like i've said - my lining doesn't seem to be my problem. At all.

Measurements... check out these babies!!!!

• left ovary: 23x17, 18x17, 19x16, 17x14, 25x16, 19x17, 18x15, 19x19
• right ovary: 19x17, 19x17, 20x16, 19x16, 23x14, 18x13, 19x18

Dr Z thinks we're going to get 12 mature eggs at retrieval!!! Oh, and speaking of retrieval; it's going to be Wednesday. I'm triggering tonight!

So, now I'm just waiting for the call. Sometime this afternoon, Nurse F will call me with the details for my trigger and retrieval. The trigger has to be given at an EXACT time. I was able to find someone to work for me tonight, so I can leave at 7pm and be home by 7:30pm. Hopefully, trigger will be after that, but i'll take it to work with me, just in case. One of the nurses has done IVF, and she knows that i'm cycling. I'm sure if I need her to, she can trigger me.

Is it weird that I'd rather have Mr DB do it, instead of a trained nurse?

Who cares... I can't believe it's happening!! And I can't believe my ovaries are working! It took maximum doses for 10 1/2 days... but it's working!!!

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Trigger is tonight!!

Exceeding Expectations: AKA Monitoring Update #2.5

The first thing that came out of my mouth when I saw the 22mm follicle:

"Holy Sh*t".

Dr B didn't really hear me - but later he asked me what I said and I told him. He laughed.

I like Dr B.

In other news, I'm still an egg machine. Follicle sizes for this morning are as follows:
right ovary: 17x14, 16x11, 16x14, 18x14, 18x16, 16x15 and 4 small
left ovary: 17x16, 19x16, 16x11, 18x16, 22x14, 18x10, 18x17 and a couple small

Dr B also said my lining looks great at 16tri. It's good that I have ONE thing going for me... my lining doesn't seem to be my problem at all.

My E2 yesterday was 899. I was hoping for something near 1000, so 899 is pretty darn close. And Dr B said that at this point, they're actually shooting for 800, so i'm exceeding their expectations now.

I like exceeding expectations.

So, it looks like I'll trigger tomorrow and be set for ER wednesday.

March came in like a lion - let's see if it can go out with a baby....

The Proverbial Square Peg - AKA Monitoring Update #2.4

We started a new medication yesterday. Ganirelix. I'm told that it's job is to prevent my oodles of follicles from releasing eggs too early. In other words, it delays ovulation. See - that's funny. Because I thought it's job was to burn and itch like a son of a bitch, but not until about 20 minutes after it's given. It first lulls you into this false sense of "Hey - this med isn't too bad". Then about 20 minutes later, you're all "son of a motherless goat... what the f is wrong with my freakin' arm?!!?!?!!?"

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As long as it does it's job, right, and keeps those suckers in there until Dr Z is ready to get them out.

So, yesterday, my nurse F did my monitoring u/s and it was great. I was an egg machine - she was finding them everywhere, and I LOVED the way they were measuring. This morning, Dr B (Dr Z's associate) did my u/s, and although I definitely LIKE Dr B, he's no Nurse F or Dr Z. And I definitely like the way Dr Z and Nurse F measure a little better. I don't know if they measure big, or if he measures small - but at least I still had about the same number of follicles today.

Here are my day 9 measurements, on day 2 of ganirelix, for anyone who's keeping count. My lining is 13mm and trilaminar.

Right ovary: 13x12, 12x11, 11x10, 16x14, 13x10, 14x12 and 3 small (less than 10)
Left ovary: 17x12, 14x10, 17x12, 12x9, 15x13, 15x13, 17x13 and a few small

The funny thing was that the 1st follicle on my left ovary looked like a square. I tried to find a good picture of one like it online, but this was the best I could do. It was sort of like the one in the middle on the right. But MUCH more sharply defined. Since it's 17x12, I guess it was more of a rectangle - but it REALLY looked like a perfect square. It was so funny.

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We're pretty sure that perfect square is half of our baby. ;) I like thinking that the funny looking ones can be our kid. We're such weirdos.

Anyway - no call from Dr Z's office this morning, which means they're not making any changes, and we have to be there again by 6:40 in the morning tomorrow. Yesterday, my E2 was 615, up from 480 the day before. Dr B says that's not bad at all. No call today means I don't get to find out today's E2 until tomorrow. Talk about pins and needles. Apparently the Ganirelix can also keep the E2 from rising and sometimes, even drop it a little bit. I hope it doesn't do that to me. I can't afford it. I just want this cycle to stay on the track it's already on. The good track. The working track. The "I have working ovaries" track.

In other news, the short term disability policy is a bust. Apparently, in the state of NJ, if you're infertile, you're all around screwed, regardless of how responsible you're trying to be. So, we're just not going to worry about it. There's nothing we can do about it. We can just hope we get pregnant, with all of the scientific and medical support we have, and do everything in our power to have a healthy perfect pregnancy that will allow me to work as long as possible.

Until then, i'll just be SO crampy. Headachey, nauseous, painful... I'm SO uncomfortable.

I'm so happy.

I'm a machine - AKA Monitoring Update #2.3

Okay, so I obviously don't have my E2 back yet, but that hardly matters. I'm not worried about it.

I repeat - i am NOT worried about it.

That's right. Me. Dandelion Bud... not worried. Did you just see that cow fly by? Seriously.

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I am an egg MACHINE today. My awesome Nurse F couldn't even stop counting follicles. We were up to 13 when Mr DB's voice recorder on his iPhone stopped recording, but there could have been as many as 15, if memory serves... there's 16s, and 15s, and 14s... oh my!

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My lining is 12mm trilaminar. Dr Z says not to worry about the lining. In his experience, there's no such thing as too thick. And honestly, I feel pretty darn good that everything is working right.

I started ganirelix as soon as I got home this morning, and will now be taking it once a day, with my gonal-F in the morning.

I'm starting to feel really achy and bloated. I can't wait to hear what my E2 is.

In other news, Mr DB and I are trying to get a supplemental short term disability policy in place for me before I get pregnant, because we realized that if I have ANY pregnancy complications, with my job, I'm going to get pulled out of work in a flash, and we will be in big trouble without my income (my STD policy through work sucks).

In NJ, it's fairly hard to get an individual supplemental STD policy. There are very few companies available that sell to anyone other than group/employer.

We met with an agent from Mutual of Omaha yesterday, who brokers for dozens of companies. He's going to double check with the underwriters in the morning, and get back to us, but it looks like because we've had treatment for infertility in the past 10 years, if I have any pregnancy complications, they will NOT be covered.

So essentially, because I can't get pregnant without IVF, and because I'm trying to be fiscally responsible and protect my budget, my home and my assets if I DO have a pregnancy complication, I'm screwed if I have a problem.

I will never understand why society is so damned concerned about how people get pregnant.

I'm going to leave you with this thought... I WISH this was still playing off-broadway. That would have been a great road trip! You have to check out the soundtrack on amazon.com... my favorite is "I have sperm in my pocket and I'm talking to Eileen" about collecting an SA.

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Hopefully, the next time I check in, I'll have great E2 news, and a good update about the STD policy... but i'm not holding my breath about that one.

Monitoring update #2.2

Wait – what is this bizarre emotion I’m feeling?

Is it possible that it’s…

I never updated the blog on tuesday after my first monitoring appointment, but somewhere around 3pm, I got a call from Dr Z’s office that my estrogen level (E₂) was 143! Comparatively speaking, at the first monitoring appointment last cycle, my estrogen was 52. Um, can you say significantly improved?

But what I really want to talk about is that this morning, I left my REs office without something to be concerned about for the first time since the beginning of my last uber failed IVF cycle. My E₂ HAD to be good, bunches of measuring follicles, uterine blood gone (without any bleeding, but who cares - it probably went out my tubes) and my lining is 9mm and trilaminar.

Check me out, all responding and crap. Who’d ‘ave thunk it?

I can’t remember the last time I felt this positive.

And then to find out this feeling could get better.

At 10:30 this morning, I got the call from Dr Z’s office. My E2 this morning was 480 on day 7 of stims. Comparatively speaking… last cycle on day 7 it was 80.

YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Ganirelix is most likely going to start tomorrow (my lead follicle is 13 today - and they like to start at 14).

I'm getting fairly bloated, and I love it!

Monitoring update #2.1

So, i'm back from monitoring #1.

I have one measurable follicle on the left at 10x10mm with 6 small and on the right I have 12 small.

Size wise that's about par from where I was last cycle at this time, but i have more follicles this time.

Other monitoring news is that my lining is 5mm, but it IS trilaminar, which helps me hope that my estrogen is a little higher than it was last time at this point of my cycle, since last time I didn't get trilaminar until stims day 9.

The bad: i mentioned that I had bright red spotting last night - and when vagivision started up, Dr B (Dr Z's associate) saw blood in my uterus.

He said it's probably from the BCPs still, and that he has seen this plenty of times before... it will most likely resolve and not cause a problem. Worst case, they would take me to ER and freeze, because they wouldn't be able to transfer if I'm still bleeding.

Except - the odds of me having embryos with enough quality to make it to freeze is slim to none.

So, now i'm scared again. I'm responding to the meds - YAY ... but what the heck should I make of this freakin bleeding.

I feel like my body is doing everything it can to NOT get pregnant. All I know is I can't take much more of this.

And I'm SO tired of bleeding.

A snowy follie check #4!

I apologize for not getting on here to update yesterday, but I have been monitoring every day this week, so I've been running back & forth a lot!

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First off - this snow has been a gift & a curse this week. Due to how quickly/well my body is responding to the stims, I have had to go in for monitoring every day this week! Thankfully, I have been off due to the snow all week.

Anywho, we (Mr. Worry Bud wouldn't let me drive in alone) drove in to my fertility center's main office this AM during blizzard #2 in my area in less than a week! The roads were pretty horrible w/low visibility, but I really wanted to make it in b/c of my estrogen levels & the amt. of follies I have growing as of last count (approx. 25). Here are the measurements/#s from today's monitoring appt:

Estrogen: 1,619 (up 100 from 1,519 yesterday)

Follies (this office measures the largest 6 on each side):

Left Ovary: 12.3, 16.2, 13.5, 14.3, 14.8, 10.9

Right Ovary: 14.5, 13.1, 15.5, 15.6, 13.8, 12.6

The RE who did my scan this morning said that my RE (Dr. G) is doing an excellent job pacing me b/c I have the potential to "go off to the races" (her words). So thank goodness for my RE's great care - I love him! He is so hands on; prior to starting my cycle, I was a little nervous b/c I go to the largest fertility center in the US (at least that's what their literature says) & I had read a few reviews about my clinic being a factory, but based on my personal experience, that really doesn't seem accurate to me. They have taken excellent care of me so far...Dr. G has either performed or been standing in on almost every single u/s I have had. He could have easily just let the u/s tech do them & give him the reports, but he always stands in & answers any questions I have. I also love my nurse Jane, she is so sweet, awesome & always takes the time to answer all of my 15,908,734 questions!

I'm very happy that my Estrogen only went up by 100 b/c it was climbing pretty fast there for a while. A fellow IVF'er who goes to the same clinic as me said that our clinic usually won't trigger at Estrogen levels above 4,000, but prefer that it not be above 3,000, so I'm looking good so far...whew! The RE who did my scan this AM said they like to see at least 3 follies above 18mm to trigger & it looks like I will be there by Friday since follies tend to grow 1-2mm per day during stims & I have at least 2 more nights of stims (possibly more).

I go back in tomorrow morning for more monitoring - hopefully, I'll be able to go into my regular office. So far, looking good to trigger on Friday!! As always, thanks for all the T&P - it is all very very appreciated!