A long update

I'm sorry I am just now getting to this, but honestly, I just didn't have it in me to update and tell my story again. However, I am gaining strength and am ready to share.

My last post was about our first pregnancy appointment. If you remember, they couldn't find the heartbeat because "I had come in too early." In the back of my mind, I knew that this wasn't correct, however, I convinced myself that it was.

So, here is what happened next - Tuesday, December 8th, I went to try to find the HB again and they still could not find it. Dr. D decided to check my betas and have me come in Thursday, December 10th, to check the betas again. On Thursday, there was still no HB found and my betas were rising - they should have been able to find a HB. It was then determined that I, in fact, had a Blighted Ovum. (If you click here, you can learn more about what that means)

I am heart broken and still in shock, but I am dealing with it. Dr. D advised that since I have had no cramping, spotting or bleeding that I should have a D & C (dilation and curettage) because the empty sac could continue to grow for up to 2 more weeks (which would put us at Christmas) and then I would miscarry on my own. I decided to take his advice, as the only way to really have closure is to end this, move on and look forward.

I have to give kudos to several people during this hard chapter in my life. To my wonderful husband, who has been nothing but a pillar of love and strength. To my friend Stephanie, who has been so supportive and loving. And lastly, to The Getting Pregnant Board on The Nest. These women have been the best support system a woman could have. Thank you to all of these people!

I will be having my D&C tomorrow, December 15th at 1:45 CST. I am nervous, but hopeful. Please pray for the Sugar Bud house, as we are dealing with this.

First Appointment

We had our first appointment yesterday and it went "OK."

First, I had to do the typical "pee in a cup." The urine test came back positive and then they took me back to do some preliminary stuff (weight, blood pressure, etc.). Next, the nurse sent me to get Mr. SB and to go to the ultra sound waiting area. We waited and waited. After about an hour, it was our turn. I was so nervous, excited and anxious.

We go in and the tech does a normal ultra sound on my belly but couldn't find anything except for the sack. She then tells me we are going to do it vaginally. Again, still couldn't find the heart beat, but was able to find the sac and yolk sac (or babies back pack as the doctor called it). I cried and cried because I was so scared something was wrong. We were then sent to wait again to see the doctor and discuss what was going on. Dr. D. came in and explained that more than likely I am just a week earlier than what we originally thought. He assured me not to worry because we did see the sac and "baby's back-pack." Told me that I am right where I need to be and that I should come back next week to try to find the heart beat again.

After many tears and a lot of worrying, I have realized that this may all be due to the fact that this chart is CRAZY. Do you guys remember how many times I geared up to ovulate and didn't? Well, I think this explains what is going on. I ovulated a week late, which means baby was conceived a week late.

So, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers - we have a "re-do" next Tuesday at 1:15 PM.

Come on baby SB!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi everyone! I just wanted to give a quick update on the pregnancy so far and to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

Well, so far everything is going pretty well with the pregnancy. Today I am 5 weeks and 5 days along based on the first day of my last period. I will be having my first appointment next Tuesday, December 1st. I am so excited and so scared all at the same time. I have been having the typical "pregnancy fears." Ya know - what if something is wrong? What if I have had a missed miscarraige? What if, what if, what if...

However, I will say that I am optimistic because I am having some insane nauseous and upset stomach, I am super tired all the time and still no cramping or spotting. So, say a prayer that all these are wonderful signs.

On that note, I am going to leave you all by saying Happy Thanksgiving and eat lots and lots!

Photo Credit

Holy Moly, I'm Pregnant!

Well, this crazy cycle was "the one!!!" I am so freaking excited, you wouldn't even believe it!

Ok, so here is how it all went down:

You guys remember this post and this post? Well, apparently a weird cycle and lots of stress = baby. Who knew?

I hit 10 DPO on Monday (11/16) and had talked to my good friend Stephanie about whether or not I should test soon or wait until Friday (11/20). We both concluded that I should wait. Well, all night Monday night, I could not get my mind off of it and when I went to bed I prayed really hard for God to give me some sort of sign of what I should do. Well, he did just that. Usually when Mr. SB wakes me up to take my temp, I take it and go right back to sleep. Not Tuesday morning, I had to pee so bad and was wide awake. So, I tested and what do you know? "Pregnant" appeared. I stood up and said "Yes!" like I had just scored a touchdown or something. I then pulled my pants up and calmly walked into the bedroom and said to Mr. SB "Babe, I have to show you something." He looked at the test and said "Alright!" and hugged and kissed me and quickly claimed "My sperm work!"

So, what's next? My first doctor's appointment is on December 1st at 1:45 and Mr. SB is going to go with me. Woohoo!

Photo Credit

Crazy Cycle

So, here is where I am in the 2WW - 4 DPO. Yes, last time I visited, I was 5 DPO. This cycle has been so strange and I attribute it all to stress. First, Fertility Friend and my body indicated that I ovulated on CD 11. I had lots of EWCM and some with spotting. Then, Fertility Friend said that I ovulated on CD 16. Not a lot of EWCM, but I did have headaches. And now, Fertility Friend has moved my ovulation day to CD 22. There was some definite EWCM on CD 22 and a small amount a few days later. I suppose this is what buying a house and being stressed at work can do to your body. The only thing left to do now, is wait. Wait to see if FF changes my O day again, wait to see how this 2WW goes and wait to see if all the stress actually got me pregnant (crossing fingers it did). Please say a prayer that this crazy cycle is the charm!

P.S. I will be posting some pictures of the house by the end of the week for those that were curious.

2WW Again

Sorry it has been a while!

This cycle has been totally screwy and I think it's because of stress. My chart finally has solid cross-hairs placed on CD 16 (Halloween). So, I guess I am now in the 2WW. Wish me luck! Mr. SB joked that if we made a baby this cycle, we should name him or her Frankie. Yeah, I don't think so! I am really hoping this is our cycle. Everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant and it is really starting to sting.

But guess what! We close on our house tomorrow!!!! I am so excited. This week leading up to has not gone as smoothly as hoped, but now that everything is figured out, it seems to be moving along nicely. Closing is at 10:00 am and we will get the keys immediately. We already know exactly what we are going to do when we get there tomorrow afternoon - change all the locks and door handles, change all the hinges on the doors and start painting the kitchen. YAY!

Here is what it looks like now.

Give me a few days and I will post an after picture.

I am really hoping that this house stuff will take my mind off TTC and the 2WW and in 2 weeks we will find out that "Frankie" will be on it's way!

Strange Cycle

So far this cycle has been so weird.

First, my period was only 4 days long and it usually 7 to 8 days.
Then, I had spotting on CD 11 along with watery CM. I have never done this.
Lastly, I am almost positive I am going to O sooner than usual.

Let's hope that this is a sign that this cycle is going to be THE ONE!

Just Hangin' Around

So, this cycle I am just hanging out. I am continuing to chart because it helps me know my body. However, I am not stressing over it and I am not looking at my chart after I put in the info. I put it in and then go to another website.

There really isn't much to say. I am hopeful, but not too hopeful. I am focusing on everything except TTC. I think I am in the mind frame of "If I don't think about it, it will happen". So, we will see.

I am on CD 8, so perhaps this time next week I will be ovulating and then we will see just how calm I am then.

The only news I have for you is that we close on our house in 2 weeks. That's right, 2 weeks from today (Friday, October 23rd). We are so excited!

AF and other news

Well, my period came. I'm OK, a little sad and a disappointed. I got my hopes up and I shouldn't have. I tend to do that with everything in life. You would think that I new better. Oh well.

To be honest, I am tired of talking about TTC. It is hard to talk about and Mr. SB is getting tired of it as well. So, let's discuss our new house. If you remember my post about our house that we are buying (if not, go here), well we close in 3 weeks!!! I am so excited to be a homeowner. We have already bought the paint for the rooms, the paint for the garage and patio, the refrigerator and we already know what we want to do with every room. After closing we will still have about $500 left in savings and that will give us some cushion to do what we want with the house.

Yesterday, we finalized everything with the homeowners insurance. We are just getting closer and closer and I am just thrilled.

So, here's my question - We have a beautiful entry-way and we can't figure out what we want to do with it. Any ideas? It will be an arctic blue, has dark "hard wood" floors and is more of a hall type area. Give me your best ideas. Oh, and we like earth tones. The whole house is blues, greens and browns. with a splash of red.

Here is a picture if that helps

Disheartening

Well, I tested this morning and it was a BFN. I am so sad and heartbroken. I keep fighting off the tears. I just knew it was positive. I had told myself to think positively, know that you are pregnant and you will be. Nope, I guess not. I know they say that it isn't over until you get your period, but the problem is that I don't know when that will be. Last cycle was the longest cycle I have EVER had. I was always a "28 day cycle kind of girl" and now that it matters, I'm not. I realize that 35 days really isn't that long, but it is when you expect it to be consistently around 28.

My plan of action is that if AF doesn't show by Friday, I am going to test again. However, I don't know if I even want to do that. Right now, my heart is so heart and I am so sad, that I don't want to see another negative if I don't have to. I don't even want to get on my favorite message board right now, because I am afraid I will just be filled with hurt and envy. I don't know how women do this over and over again.

Thank you for reading this and understanding.

A whole bunch of countdowns.

Mr. SB and I have so many things to be excited about right now and since I am in a huge funk, I will let you in on them.

1. Testing for this cycle - 6 days
2. Halloween - 24 days
3. Closing on our house - 30 days
4. Thanksgiving - 50 days
5. My birthday - 68 days
6. Christmas - 79 days
7. New Years - 86 days

See, lots of things going on! But, you see that first one up there? That one is driving me crazy. I didn't think it would be this hard, but it is. And to be honest, I know that I am going to be crushed with a capital "C" if it is a BFN. That's just the truth!

So wish me luck!

It has begun...

The 2WW waiting game, that is! As of today, (Sunday 10/4/09) I am 3 DPO. That gives me about 9-12 days to just hang out and wait to see if we possibly created a little one. WOW!

Last cycle, the 2WW didn't really mean much because I was almost certain that it wasn't going to happen since we had been really good about our withdrawal method and actively TTA. Now, this cycle is definitely a TTC cycle.

I think we have a good, strong chance because we BD the day of O, O-1, O-2, O-3 and O-4. If you want to see my chart, it is over on the right side of the screen under my profile.

Wish us luck in the days to come and I will keep you all updated!

I am so excited!

http://tinyurl.com/yapzrhu

Haha, not this kind of excited!

OK, so maybe I am being incredibly naive, but this first cycle TTC has been so exciting. All I can think about is that I might be making a baby at this very moment... eeeeeee how exciting!

We have been BDing like two high school kids dating. It has been really fun, too. Mr. SB told me the other day that he never wants me to take BCP ever again because my sex drive has been so high. Little does he know, it's really because I have an agenda (j/k hehehehehe).

Anyway, I am on CD 15 and I am almost positive that I ovulated either yesterday or Monday and once I get cross-hairs from FF, I will officially be in my first 2WW. I can't wait to see how it pans out. I know that there is a big chance that I won't get pregnant, but there is always a chance that I will ;)

Can't wait to let you know what happens!!

P.S. Tomorrow is Mr. SB's 30th Birthday. Wouldn't that be the best birthday present ever?

Waiting to Ovulate Pretty Much Sucks.

It's been said before that waiting to "O" is just annoying. I have to agree. When we were TTA, it was "when do I ovulate so that we can do what is necessary to avoid?" Now it is "when do I ovulate so that we can do what is necessary to make a baby?" That last thought is a lot more stressful than the first. You want to make sure you do everything right - eat right, sleep right, fornicate right, EVERYTHING needs to be just so.

However, I will say that charting is really something I enjoy. I enjoy knowing exactly what is going on with me. I enjoy seeing my chart fluctuate and give me signs. I enjoy knowing that my body does some weird things.

It's funny what us girls go through to make a baby and what guys don't go through. Women who TTC methodically have to make sure to temp and chart correctly. We have to make sure to have sex on the correct days and time everything just right. What do men have to do? SEX, that's what they have to do. If your husband is anything like mine, he really ejoys sex-anytime, anyday, anywhere, so this is no big deal to him. He is really lucking out that we are TTC because he is getting so much that he doesn't know what to do with himself (TMI, sorry).

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining by any means. I am so excited at the thought of TTC and the idea that I could possible get pregnant this cycle. I really enjoy sex with Mr. SB and I really try hard to not think about sex as a "deposit" and to think of it as sex with my wonderful husband.

I am on cycle day 9, so I guess sometime within the next week or so I will be ovulating. I guess, anyways. Maybe? Oh hell I don't know. Ugh, why is TTC so complicated?

Good Bye TTA, Hello TTC!

Well, Mr. SB gave me the go-ahead and we are going to start trying to make a baby this cycle.

The conversation went like this (all through texting, of course):

Me - Guess What
Him- What?
Me- I will be ovulating on your 30th birthday
Him- Great Babe!!!
Me - Does that mean that we don't have to TTA
Him- Sure Babe, I don't want to pull out on my birthday. Oh, and I won those ebay things.

Mr. SB has some trouble staying on topic, but we did actually talk about this face-to-face also. I am so excited to know that we could possibly make a baby this month. However, I am also scared to death that something may be wrong and we may have problems. Mr. SB keeps telling me to think positively, so that is what I am really trying to do.

Here is the plan (because I have to have a plan):

Sex every other day until the week of ovulation and then sex everyday until confirmed crosshairs and then continue with sex every other day. This may wear me out, but we are definietly going to give it an honest effort.

Wish us luck!

Happy to See AF

Yay! Yipee! Hooray!

http://i29.tinypic.com/iz400z.jpg

Well, my period showed up bright and early this morning. I was worried about my body over nothing. Silly me!


Now, we move on to Cycle 2 of TTA, that means one more cycle until TTC.


So, what have I learned this cycle? You may be asking.
1. Don't read into FF too much, it can not tell me what is going on, only my body can.
2. Everyones body is different.
3. Don't ask too many questions, you annoy people.
4. An old friend, is truly a dear friend for listening to me whine about my body and cycle (thanks, Steph!)


I am going to have a beer tonight and a latte this morning, because I can.


Thanks everyone for looking at my chart and being patient with me. I promise I won't be so annoying this cycle.

Charting

To be honest with you, I just do not understand my chart. I did the study, I'm reading my book, but I just don't understand what it all means.

My questions are:

1. Why do my temps keep staying elevated if I'm not KU?
2. Why haven't I started my period?
3. Why can't the chart just say "Sugar Bud, you are not pregnant. Your body is just getting used to being off of BCP"? (I know, this is also wishful thinking)

I just want some clear answers with clear reasoning so that I can move on to the next cycle. I wish the author of TCOYF could just look at my chart and explain it all to me and tell me what I should expect.

Lately, all I do is wish.

[sigh]

http://http://www.21stcenturymed.org/sad-face.jpg

Wishful Thinking

Well, like I have said before, this is our first month off the pill and TTA. We only plan to do this for two cycles and then we start trying for a baby.

As I sit here, I have tears in my eyes because my chart led me to believe that I might possibly be KU. I tested and sure enough, I am not. I know this was not the month we planned to start TTC, but I sure was hoping. I am so sad and know that it was just wishful thinking.

I do not know how the women that have been trying for months or even years can do this over and over and over with a BFN every time.

Perhaps I shouldn't have let anyone see my chart.
Perhaps we should have been more careful so that there were no questions.
Perhaps my body will do this to me for months and this is just the beginning.

The only think I do know is that it is in God's hands and not mine.

I know that I shouldn't be concerned and, really, I'm not. I'm just really disappointed.

Oh well.

Some call me a planner.

Man, I love to plan and I love to plan way ahead! My entire wedding was planned in about a month and I had 9 months to plan it. I can tell you what I am doing on the weekend usually by Sunday of the weekend before. It is kind of an obsession, really.

So, since this TTA stuff is so dull, I thought I would share my already planned out stuff for our future baby.

Names:
First girl - Allysen Victoria (Mr. SB's fave girl name and my fave girl name)
First boy - Jerry Michael (our fathers' names)
Second girl - Margo Ellise (just because it's pretty and unique)
Second boy- Hudson Andrews (Mr. SB's mother's maiden name and my best friend's maiden name)

Nursery decor:
We are painting the room a green color (Valspar Bamboo Shade).
Girl - pink accents with elephants
Boy - brown accents with elephants
I LOVE elephants, so either way, our first will also love elephants like Mommy does J

Other things we want to do:
We are going to use cloth diapers.
We are going to have swim lessons immediately.
We are not going to breastfeed.
We are going to make the baby food ourselves.

What about you guys? Do you do this, too?

Not much to say, really

Well, happy September everyone!

Unfortunatley, there isn't really much for me to write about. This TTA thing is really kind of boring. I will say that I am thrilled that I ovulated this month. Hopefully, this means that my body is working properly and that everything will go off without a hitch.

I guess since TTA is so dull, I will tell you all some different news and change up the subject just a little. We are diffently on our way to buying a house!!! Here is a little history, on August 8th we went to look at 4 different houses and instantly fell in love with the second house we saw. So, on August 9th we filled out the paper work for an offer and our Buyers Agent put it in on August 10th. On August 12th, they countered our offer and we countered back with the original offer. August 13th, they accepted the offer and the ball started rolling. Long story short, we have had the inspection and they agreed to fix all the major issues and give $300 more in closing to fix the minor problems and on November 6th we close and the house is ours!!! YAY!

Here are some pictures of our new house.

(this will, one day, be the nursery)