So far so good...

Things have been a bit busy lately. Nothing major to report, except that things seem to be progressing normally.

I am currently 6 weeks exactly, as far as my O date is concerned. My boobies have been KILLING me on a daily basis, so I guess that's good... but best of all...

TODAY IS MY FIRST PRENATAL APPOINTMENT WITH MY NEW PRACTITIONER!!! AND MR. DBUD IS COMING TOO!!!

I am so excited! I have been super excited since making the appointment last week :) I am a litt

le nervous about how things will go, but I am sure everything will be fine... I am staying very positive.

I have been trying to eat well, and for the most part have, so that's a good thing. I just know that I am going to get crap from my Mom this ENTIRE pregnancy! She has ALWAYS been obsessed with my weight (obsessed is an understatement), and since this PCOS business has made me pack on a bit more than I (or anyone) would like, she has been on my case even more. The only bad thing about this is that she starts to stress me out. She ALWAYS (not just now that I am pregnant) interrogates me about what I ate for dinner or lunch, and then gives me crap about it. I had a crazy day yesterday, filled with rehearsals and such (I am doing a show this weekend) so I picked up some McDonald's for Mr. DBud and I. I had a grilled chicken sandwich. She gave me crap for that. I guess I just have to learn to ignore it, and do my best. Other than the fact that I am overweight, I am super healthy - good cholesterol, good sugar, etc. I would like to gain as little as possible, if even anything at all, during this pregnancy. Because of my pre-pregnancy weight, I actually don't have to gain. Eating better (choices) and the same amount of calories or even a little less should be fine. I've actually been stocking up on fruit, veggies, and walnuts (which are said to be great for the Brain). I have been drinking milk, and having cereal. I have also been cooking at home as much as I can. I know my Mom only does it cause she worries about me... but she doesn't realize that she stresses me out in a bad way, even when she doesn't mean to.

Anyway, let's see what the Dr. says about my weight and varicose veins (I have had them since I was like 12 - runs in the family). I also hope that we can see our little Frijol! Or at least hear a heartbeat... after what we went through last year, I know it will be a HUGE relief to know the heart is beating. Even though I am staying EXTREMELY positive... I am still cautiously optimistic. I guess that's the normal way to be after a MC.

As far as other symptoms... Peeing (a lot) even when I haven't had much to drink, tired/sleepy especially in the afternoons, sore boobies, and a little bloating.

Hope to have a great update after seeing the Dr :) Keep us in your T&P!

I'm Finally Back.....

...............and knocked up.

Yep, after 4 miscarriages, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get my take home baby.

After my 4th miscarriage, I took a break from this blog and all things baby, for about a year. After coming home from vacation in July, I looked and Mr. SB and asked him if he wanted to give it the old college try again. If it didn't work this time, we would make our way to the Cleveland Clinic for IVF with genetic testing on the embryos - although deep down I know my heart couldn't take coming to that. Mr. SB agreed and I made a call to my RE that afternoon.

Our first cycle was in August. I upped my Clomid dose to 150 mgs (helllooo crazy!), and the cycle failed. My first only failed cycle with Clomid. Devil pills worked like a charm every time before. So, being the neurotic head case that I am, I convinced myself I couldn't even conceive anymore.

Next cycle was in September - 150 mgs again (poor Mr. SB).

10 DPO - nada

12 DPO - peed on stick, went in shower, washed hair, looked at stick, thought I saw 2 pink lines, thought my eyes were still "sleepy", jumped out of shower, woke up Mr. SB to confirm lines, lines confirmed by Mr. SB, phone call made to RE. Diagnosis? Pregnant.

The next few weeks was pretty much the hardest thing I have ever been through. Blood test after blood test to make sure the babe was growing. The first was the worst - especially since my beta was a mere 14. But 48 hours past, and it jumped to 110. Bingo.

And at 8 weeks I saw this, and was released from my RE:

To date, my most treasured picture. This is the little dude at 7 weeks 5 days with a strong heartbeat. One of my saddest days was saying goodbye to my RE's office, especially to Nurse K - who hugged me and cried with me when we found out I had miscarriage #4. Their last words to me were, "Make sure you send us a picture of your baby!", and my eyes instantly welled up with tears. It made it all seem so real - it was really happening - I was having a baby.

A few days after this picture was taken, morning sickness kicked in full force. Have you ever driven down a highway at about 65 mph, find yourself dry heaving and despite your best efforts can't find ANYTHING to puke into inside your car? And you find yourself praying to Baby Jesus that if he spares your freshly cleaned upholstery just this one time, you promise to never cuss, take a fake sick day or gossip (insert sin here) ever again? Well, that was a day in my life, and after that day, I never left home without my trusty puke bucket (pictured below):

I was one of those lucky broads that was sick for about 16 weeks. Not the oh, I kind of feel like I have bad heartburn sick, but the holy bajesus, I need to go to the bathroom now and oops I just puked on my pants kind of sick. I kept a peppermint teabag at my desk so I could just smell it when some idiot cooked fish or burnt popcorn in the break room. Ginger ale and saltines were my new besties that I couldn't go an hour without.

I also ate orange sherbert - a lot.

But as bad as it was, morning sickness gave me a great sense of security. If the dude wasn't growing, I wouldn't be hurling - so in a way I sort of appreciated it (not that I'd want it back or anything, but you know).

So this was a basic recap of my first trimester. I'll post again soon to recap the second (didn't want to make it too long).

Congrats to all my buds that are now pregnant (Diva, I'm looking at you!), and for the ones that aren't don't give up hope. You will all have your take home babies soon as long as you keep the faith.

12 weeks!!!

I can't believe we made it this far! I feel so blessed and am truly loving being pregnant. I have my next doctor appointment on Thursday and I can't wait!!! For now here is the newest belly shot!

I've been a bad blogger!!!

The last few weeks have been a little rough but we are getting back to normal now. I was very sick with morning sickness 24/7 and throwing up all day long.... Not fun! Then little Faith Bud got sick with what is suspected to have been H1N1. Then of course I got it! I was pretty much sick & in bed for 2 weeks. We also moved into a new house this past weekend so still trying to get settled here. I am still dropping pounds, down 8 now according to our scale, but the bump is definitely growing! I am feeling little flutters so I'm thinking that all is OK. I have my next appointment in a week. I'm excited but nervous for it. I am going alone as Mr Faith Bud has to work. I'm very excited to hear the heartbeat but am nervous that something will be wrong. We are just a short 2 weeks away from being out of the first trimester! I can't believe it! I am so excited to see our little monkey. Here is a picture of the 11 week bump! Enjoy!!!

Still waiting . . .

I'm really trying to be optimistic, I swear. I'm just having a hard time relaxing at this point. I'd like to get some blood work, maybe see a heart beat, something that can give me hope that it's ok to look at maternity clothes, or, baby books even. I just don't want to get all into this and then get disappointed if something happens.

I'm hoping this will get better as I get through the 1st trimester, but, I think it's true when they say that you're never really out of the woods. I think I'll be worrying about my child every day of his or her life! So . . . even when pregnancy ends, the worrying won't.

I go to the doctor a week from today - I'll be 5 weeks and 5 days. I'm hoping that the cysts I have will have shrunk or done something. I've been having some horrible pain on both sides (where my ovaries and their cysts are) the past few days. Today has been fine. I'm not sure if pregnancy is aggravating the cysts or if the pain was always this bad but I drowned myself in Advil to mask the pain hehe!

Wish me luck that I get to see a heartbeat (even though I know it might be too early . . . I'm still hoping)!

--Book Bud

So . . . now we wait

I am VERY pleased to announce that I got my BFP! With that . . . I shall tell you the story of how incredibly stupid I am.

Tuesday, I had plans to go to a Pampered Chef party at a friend's house. The person selling is PG and she knows we've been TTC. I decided I wanted a drink that night because I didn't want to answer any questions. I decided Tuesday morning - even though it was really early - I would take a test. That morning I woke up early, and, peed on my stick. I then decided to wait less than 2 minutes, see the negative I was expecting, then toss it out. In hindsight - not the best plan - but I was sleepy and clearly not thinking straight. Later, when I woke up again, I was again not thinking clearly when I decided to take it OUT OF THE GARBAGE and look at it. Of course, there was a line, but of course, I couldn't trust that considering!!

Now, after 4 tests, I have two distinct lines on my test!!!!

Now I remain cautiously optimistic. I'm having the early signs of morning sickness. I've literally been sick to my stomach for three days - constantly - though no throwing up. I'm hoping my early BFP and the early nauseated feelings are good signs that the hormones are plentiful (and doing their job). I've been having some cramping but I'm told that is normal. It makes me nervous - but - I'm keeping it all together.

Because I had a chemical pregnancy last time, it's hard to forget that and just be excited. I'm a little scared in the back of my brain even though this time feels differently. As a friend told me, every day I'm still pregnant is a good day, so I'm going to keep that in mind for the next 8 or so months!

I have a doctor's appointment already scheduled - because they were following up on my cyst - so I even get an ultrasound then. I will be about 6 weeks then, so, I'm hoping we get to see a heartbeat so I can relax a little.

That's about all I'm feeling today . . . or at least all I can get out right now.

--Book Bud--

Being Pregnant is SCARY

I have been a really bad blogger lately. We have had a really eventful past few days so here is the Cliff notes version. Thursday night I started having some bad cramping & a little bit of spotting. Because of the miscarriages in the past I completely lost it. I called my Dr's office & they told me I could either go to the ER that night or wait and call them back in the morning. Since Mr. Faith Bud was out of town working and it was just me and little Faith Bud I opted to wait until the next day. Well I called my Dr the next morning and they were not able to get me in so they suggested I go to the ER. I headed that way and spent about 6 hours in the ER. They did another HCG quantitative where they discovered my HCG levels were 56,000. At the high range for 6 weeks pregnant, which is where we are. They wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure baby was OK as well. They also established that I was extremely dehydrated so I was lucky enough to get an IV. The ultrasound showed baby measuring right on and I was able to see our little monkey. His heart was beating at 129 bpm, which is pretty good/normal for 6 weeks. They released me with a diagnosis of Threatened Miscarriage with instructions to make an appointment with my OB/GYN ASAP for follow up. They also put me on bed rest & pelvic rest until I was released by my OB/GYN. So it's been a really emotional weekend. A lot of ups and downs but I am feeling pretty optimistic right now. I haven't had any spotting since Friday which is a great thing. With our previous m/c's the bleeding only got worse. My m/s also returned this morning. I have been trying to take it easy and drink a lot of water. We are praying that tomorrow the baby is still thriving and growing! We are trusting God to keep our little monkey safe and healthy.

Well Hello There

Morning Sickness... how nice of you to hit me like a ton of bricks! I just have one question..... why if it's called morning sickness am I puking my guts out at night??? I must say though I'm so glad she showed today! I have been having some minor cramping and got scared today. I called the dr and they told me to not worry about it unless I started bleeding... Not all that reassuring but really nothing they can do at this point I suppose. Well lucky for me a few hours later I had to make the mad dash to the bathroom where I spent a good long while praying to the porcelain gods. Tomorrow marks our journey into the 6th week. Our first m/c was at 6w3d so I'm waiting to get into the 7th week and then our u/s the next week to really relax. So here's to praying that the m/s sticks around!!! Mr Faith Bud and I are still at opposite ends of finding out what the baby will be. I have a feeling it's a boy but I want to know. I hate suprises!!! My FB would like to know at delivery he thinks..... I'm hoping we can come to an agreement, preferably what I want! lol. So far we have also not come to agree on any boy names. Everything I like Mr Faith Bud HATES!!!! I love Gavin which he is not totally against but not in love with yet either.

The numbers are in

x

and they are GREAT!!!! Not only are they doubling in less than 48 hours but morning sickness has kicked in in FULL effect!!! I never thought I'd be so happy to be throwing up! I am so thankful God is blessing us with another miracle. I also got my first full fledged pregnancy migraine today. I already suffer from them frequently but now that I can't take anything but Tylenol it's a little scary. Taking Tylenol for a migraine is a complete joke! It's like eating a diet bar when what you really really want is a big fat candy bar. It just doesn't cut it! I got them horribly with little Faith Bud but hoping this was one of few! Now it's time to just focus on enjoying the morning sickness!!!

So now what do I do???

While I'm waiting for my 8 week ultrasound??? I'm driving myself crazy waiting and of course worrying. The problem with having pregnancy problems and miscarriages in the past is that no matter how hard you try you can't help but worry more than you normally would. Looking back now I am so thankful as to how oblivious I was to the possible dangers and problems that could occur during pregnancy with little Faith Bud! I went for my second beta test on Saturday but the dr office was closed on Friday and today so tomorrow is when I get my results. I couldn't stop worrying last night. Here's to praying we see high numbers that are doubling every 48 hours!

Little Faith Bud asked this afternoon if the baby was still in my tummy or if Jesus was going to take this baby away too. It took all I had to not burst into tears. I just told her the baby is still in my tummy and we can only pray that Jesus lets us keep this baby. There is a "mantra" of sorts for women who have had miscarriages in the past. It goes "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby" . It's times like this that I have to remind myself to fall back on my faith and trust God. It's not as easy as it sounds!

Still on cloud 9

and praying & hoping I never come down! I just still can't believe we finally got our BFP! I'm already having some symptoms but that is really no big shock for me. I can't really take BCP's because the Progesterone makes me nauseous, moody and a million things in between. So it's no surprise that I already have some serious mood swings. I'm pretty good all day, great energy, good mood... until about 6:30 every night! Then I need some food & a nap and will bite someones head off if they get in the way! I have already started looking at baby furniture online, which Mr. Faith Bud thinks is CRAZY. Ha Ha. I am already pretty sure we will be having a boy. With little Faith Bud I had the same feeling from early on that she would be a girl and it worked then.... Maybe I'm on to something. Also according to the Chinese chart little Faith Bud was meant to be a girl & baby Faith Bud should be a boy.... I don't think I really believe that stuff but it's funny to look at! We make our first appointment tomorrow and they should be doing an ultrasound at that appointment, which should be at about 6 weeks. I can't wait!!! Here is a picture of the bib I got to tell DH... except I couldn't keep the secret & ended up telling him before he got home!