I am alive :)

Hello all! How is everyone doing? I am doing great, Little PB&J Bud and I just got back from a trip to San Francisco. We had a blast but we are happy to be home. I took a charting break but I am hoping I made it home in time for O, which I am not sure if I did or not. Only time will tell. Argh, traveling only intensifies the stress of TTC!

Speaking of traveling........I travel a lot. I am a SAHM and I am very fortunate in that I have no restrictions of when I can travel (ie - no vacation time issues). Mr. PB&J is a Border Patrol Agent which means we live in rural Texas, by the border and far from family. I really dislike the town we live in (it's a dump) but it has been our home for the last 8 years and will continue to be our home for at least a few more years. Any opportunity I get I try to travel back to Florida to visit family. Both my parents and my ILs live in Orlando and I like to visit them every 4 to 6 weeks. Unfortunately Mr. PB&J Bud doesn't get to accompany us on most of our trips so booking travel around potential O dates can be stressful, especially when I don't O consistently on the same CD. A few cycles we have had bad timing because we were both in two different cities. Which has lead to a few breakdowns by myself.

And speaking of stress........I think over the last 6 months I have REALLY become obsessed with TTC. I have Googled every aspect of TTC that I thought could have pertained to me and in turn I have made myself one big stress ball. Not to mention the stress I put myself though with my POAS addiction. I was really causing myself unnecessary stress. I recently surpassed the one year TTC mark and I think with that I accepted defeat. Not defeat in that I will never get pregnant, but defeat in the sense that no matter how much research I do or how many sticks I pee on, the outcome will still be the same. I can't keep putting myself through the same heartache cycle after cycle. It's exhausting and it's not healthy.

Lately I have been trying to keep myself busy. I have redirected my attention to my old hobby of mine, photography and I feel a sense of relief. No longer do I dream about pregnancy or miscarriage. No longer are my thoughts consumed with TTC. I mean, I still chart, use OPKs, and have sex as often as I can but TTC is not ruling my life anymore. I try not to let myself become overwhelmed with my emotions but instead I just stick to the basics. I feel more sane because of it and a better wife and mother.

So that folks, is an explaination on why I haven't been posting more often. But stay tuned, I have a confession to make in my next post!!

.........don't you hate when bloggers do that?!?!........

PB&J Bud :)

Stress free is the way to be!

So, my last post I talked about the debate on whether or not to chart. I wasn't sure, I was going back and forth, and when the time came?

I took a break.

I cannot tell you how nice it's been for me. Mr. Snow Bud and I have been BD'ing because we want to, not because we think it's good timing. I have been sleeping better than I have the last few months, and it's SO wonderful. For this month, I feel as though I'm really going with the flow. To me, it would be the best way to conceive our child. I would love nothing more than to begin the journey to mommy-hood in a stress free body, with a clear mind and a patient heart.

I do need to say, because I think this is hilarious, that Mr. Snow Bud has been holding off on "releasing" anything during BD. He says he's saving it up for the positive OPK test day. Whatever Mr. Snow Bud, suit yourself! :]

I posted on my favorite TTC message board about taking a break. Some people advised me against it, some people said to go for it. Some people knew how stressed charting had made me and urged me to not chart this month. I do believe that to each their own, and I do think that I will pick charting back up next month, if we don't get our BFP this month.

Either way, I feel like letting out a big sigh of relief.

Whew.

Until next time,