I am terrible. I haven't posted in weeks. Life has been crazy which is no excuse.
First, to address the title of my post, I am really really mad at AF. She toys with my emotions and crushes my spirit, and I am fed up with her. DH and I have moved into the "not not trying" phase. He is in the final phases of hiring for a job, and while it hasn't been formalized yet, we are quite confident that it will be. I am actively applying, and am feeling optimistic about a couple of different opportunities. That said, we decided that while we are definitely not actively trying, we would be ok if it happened.
I know this might seem crazy to some people, and maybe it is, but we were talking the other week about how despite how worried we were when our employment situations changed, we have really really been ok. Financially we haven't had to make many sacrifices. We have no consumer debt. We haven't been late on any bills. We have savings. We have made things work. Has it been perfect? No. It has not been ideal. But we have worked hard, and we have made things work. Comparatively speaking (and I know comparing is a terrible idea), but I know several couples with children who were in a worse financial situation when they made the decision to start their family, and they are making it work just fine. I know we could do the same.
Anyways, sorry about the tangent, but the point is, that AF was 2 days late. No symptoms. And this little voice in my head was telling me that despite the fact that it was extremely unlikely, maybe, just maybe, I could be pg. I didn't let myself think it for more than a split second, because I didn't want to be disappointed. But the little voice in my head persisted. It was somewhat terrifying to think that this could be it, but tormenting to think that it most likely wasn't. And then late last night, AF showed up. I felt partial relief, but mostly just sadness. And I think the sadness strengthened the notion that this is what I am ready for. It's not just talk. It is every fiber of my being that wants a child, that wants to start our family. And I hope with everything in me that we won't have to wait much longer.
Showing posts with label Fitness Bud. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fitness Bud. Show all posts
December 21, 2010
November 21, 2010
No Escape
Well hello blogosphere friends! It has been awhile since my last post. Life has been slightly crazy (although I suppose that is always the case). The last couple of weeks have kept pace with the last year or so, with the same themes emerging as always; 1) Fear about our employment situation, 2) Irritation about our forced inability to TTC at present, and 3) The ongoing desire to get my butt in gear and shape up! So an update in all of my regular categories;
1) EMPLOYMENT: Mr.Fitness Bud was passed on to the next phase of the hiring process for the job that he received a contingent offer for. This is GREAT news. We are fairly confident that he will make it to the end and receive the final offer, but again, after such a difficult year, it is hard to have much confidence in anything. He has a computer based test on Tuesday, and once he passes that, he will move on to the next phase of the process. Thoughts and prayers are welcomed and appreciated! As for me, I don't remember if I mentioned that I got a temporary extension of employment by way of being hired on as staff for the recount in our governor's race. This only buys me an extra month, but it is a lot less work than I was previously doing, and surprisingly enough, more pay, so I really can't complain. Timing is less than impeccable, since this position ends shortly before Christmas, but I am still hoping and praying that something else will come my way in the very near future. If the process goes quickly for Mr.FB, I will have significantly less worry about the timing of my own employment!
2) TTC: Like I said, there is no escape from the constant reminders that basically everyone around me is pregnant, and I am not. I went halfway across the country to visit a friend, whilst there, had lunch with another friend in the area, and what do you know, she announces that she is pregnant. Now, I really and truly could not be more happy for this friend. She is the best kind of person, and will be a wonderful mom. But it still stings, and I feel like a terrible person for feeling that way. I don't even venture onto Facebook much anymore, because I can hardly handle the easily 30% of my friends who are expecting or recently gave birth, and all of their glowing pregnancy pictures or cherubic photos of their little ones. Mr. FB and I talk constantly about how we wish it was our time. How we desperately want children. How he can't wait to be a dad, and how I hope that I have no trouble becoming a mom. I don't know if these conversations make it worse or better, but they are hard to avoid......we are in too deep now. We know this is what we want, and nothing will change it. I had my annual OB visit last week, and it was a sad reminder that my visit last year was a pre-conception visit. I have stopped charting, and just decided not to purchase more PNV's because it gives me false hope. Once this employment thing is worked out, I will go forward with gusto, but not now.
3) SHAPING UP - Well, I have no new pictures to post this week, but I have lost 3 pounds, so I feel good about that! Yesterday I splurged on a piece of pizza and a cake pop, but aside from that, I have been very good. I am actually excited about eating healthily, and excited that I will hopefully start seeing more results.
Until next time,
Fitness Bud.
1) EMPLOYMENT: Mr.Fitness Bud was passed on to the next phase of the hiring process for the job that he received a contingent offer for. This is GREAT news. We are fairly confident that he will make it to the end and receive the final offer, but again, after such a difficult year, it is hard to have much confidence in anything. He has a computer based test on Tuesday, and once he passes that, he will move on to the next phase of the process. Thoughts and prayers are welcomed and appreciated! As for me, I don't remember if I mentioned that I got a temporary extension of employment by way of being hired on as staff for the recount in our governor's race. This only buys me an extra month, but it is a lot less work than I was previously doing, and surprisingly enough, more pay, so I really can't complain. Timing is less than impeccable, since this position ends shortly before Christmas, but I am still hoping and praying that something else will come my way in the very near future. If the process goes quickly for Mr.FB, I will have significantly less worry about the timing of my own employment!
2) TTC: Like I said, there is no escape from the constant reminders that basically everyone around me is pregnant, and I am not. I went halfway across the country to visit a friend, whilst there, had lunch with another friend in the area, and what do you know, she announces that she is pregnant. Now, I really and truly could not be more happy for this friend. She is the best kind of person, and will be a wonderful mom. But it still stings, and I feel like a terrible person for feeling that way. I don't even venture onto Facebook much anymore, because I can hardly handle the easily 30% of my friends who are expecting or recently gave birth, and all of their glowing pregnancy pictures or cherubic photos of their little ones. Mr. FB and I talk constantly about how we wish it was our time. How we desperately want children. How he can't wait to be a dad, and how I hope that I have no trouble becoming a mom. I don't know if these conversations make it worse or better, but they are hard to avoid......we are in too deep now. We know this is what we want, and nothing will change it. I had my annual OB visit last week, and it was a sad reminder that my visit last year was a pre-conception visit. I have stopped charting, and just decided not to purchase more PNV's because it gives me false hope. Once this employment thing is worked out, I will go forward with gusto, but not now.
3) SHAPING UP - Well, I have no new pictures to post this week, but I have lost 3 pounds, so I feel good about that! Yesterday I splurged on a piece of pizza and a cake pop, but aside from that, I have been very good. I am actually excited about eating healthily, and excited that I will hopefully start seeing more results.
Until next time,
Fitness Bud.
November 7, 2010
Fitness Post #1
Well friends, after my last post I promised I would be more diligent about posting regarding health, fitness, weight-loss and all of the things I am currently struggling with. I never thought I would say it, but my job is finally over, meaning 2 things; 1) I am officially unemployed, 2) I have officially gained an additional 80 hours per week that were previously lost to my job. I figure if I even spend 10 of those working out, that I am in really good shape!
After my last post, I was so appreciative of the comments that I recieved. It feels good to be supported in these struggles, and to know that there are others who have been through it, and/or are willing to encourage me along the way. I have spent the last several days catching up on sleep after being completely consumed with work for the past several months, so today was the first day that I have really been "back in action." I did laundry, got out of the house, and started setting myself up to get healthy and accomplish my weight loss goals.
This morning I met a friend for a walk. We did a 4.5 mile route and kept up a pretty good clip. I had every intention of taking the pup for a walk when I got home, but as per usual, my back was bothering me, so instead, I am trying to talk myself into going to the gym and riding the bike for a bit. :) Today I also signed back on to The Daily Plate. I decided that I need to keep good track of what I am eating so that I can get my calories under control and really start making progress towards losing weight. I stayed within my calories today, which was great, but I realize that I will need to be a LOT more conscious in the coming weeks or I will easily fall back in to the trap of mindless eating and continued weight gain.
Although I am so incredibly embarassed about this, I have decided to take the plunge and post some weight loss progress pictures, in hopes that it will keep me accountable, and maybe help someone else too. It's strange to be on a board where most women are posting beautiful pictures of their growing baby-bellies, and here I am posting my fat belly, with hopes that it will get smaller before it gets bigger! I beg of you, please be gentle in your criticisms, this is really hard for me to do, but I am doing it anyways, for the reasons I mentioned above.
My goal is to post the following weekly:
* Progress photos (See below)
* Previous and current weight 148.6 (current)
* Previous and current measurements Chest: 37" Waist: 33" Hips: 43 1/2"
* Accomplishments and setbacks for the previous week I signed up for the Daily Plate again, and I went on a 4.5 mile walk today. Setbacks....still eating when I am not hungry, and not drinking enough water. Since this is my first post however, I hope that I will have more positive things to say next week!
So without further adieu:
October 28, 2010
Disgusted
When I started blogging over a year ago, I was in a very different place. I have talked plenty about the frustration of going from a place where we were ready to start TTC over a year ago, to employment situations changing, to now being in limbo and on hold. What I haven't talked about is the reason I have the screen name that I do; Fitness. Way back when, when TTC seemed like it was just around the corner, I was focused on fitness. I was working out regularly, I was eating well, and though I wanted to lose a few pounds, I wasn't overly concerned about where I was at.
My how times have changed. I don't know if the stress did it, or the disappointment, or the setback from being involved in a car accident. It could have been campaign season that did me in, or really just my own sheer stupidity. Either way, I am now 20 pounds heavier than I was, and I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. My clothes don't fit, and things that used to look good on me now look far too snug.
Mr. Fitness Bud has always been my biggest fan. Even as I started gaining weight, he never stopped telling me I was beautiful, but I definitely stopped believing him. This is not a fun place to be in. I hate watching the numbers on the scale climb, yet I know that it is completely my fault. I may not be able to control my employment situation right now, but I CAN control my weight, and the time for that is now.
This was me on my wedding day. This was me when I was at a weight that I was comfortable with. I felt attractive. I felt comfortable in my own skin. I wasn't at my lowest weight, but I was at my "perfect" weight. I just felt good.
I don't feel good anymore. Which is maybe why I don't have any recent pictures.....I don't want to be in them!
This is the first time I have said this "out loud". I felt that with everything going on, that my weight was the least of my worries. But I need to get back to feeling good about myself. I need my confidence back.
So, it starts today. I am going public with these stupid weight struggles. I want to lose the weight BEFORE I get pregnant, so that I don't have an additional 20 pounds to lose AFTER. And I need accountability, so I am trying this again.
I know this is a sensitive subject for a lot of people. I know that I am not severely overweight. I also know each of us have different body types, and different sizes at which we feel comfortable. I am not saying that one way is better than another. I am only speaking for myself and how I feel comfortable in my own skin. And I am asking for help and support so that I can get there.
Thank you all so much. Today is a new day. And hopefully it will be a better one.
October 19, 2010
The Good News and The Bad
Well friends, last time I wrote, I was excitedly reporting about a phone interview that I had for a job. It was a great feeling, and the interview went extremely well (in my humble opinion). However, here I am a week later, and I have not heard anything. I also never recieved a response to a follow-up message that I sent. Needless to say, I am left to assume that I am not getting a second interview, but I sure wish someone had the courtesy to call back and tell me that. I was disappointed last week when I hadn't heard anything by Friday, and was even more disappointed today, until............
(Insert back-story here)
As some of you know, I currently have an insanely chaotic job in politics. Since it is an election year, and everyone state office is up for re-election this year in my state, things are NUTS with my job. I am working about 80 hours a week, sleeping almost never, and stressed beyond belief. In addition to having a really tough campaign that I am working on, one of the people close to the campaign is a tough-as-nails lobbyist who is insanely well connected, but also really hard to work with. I have made it my mission to prove that I can withstand her pressures, and do it with a smile. She cannot break me! In any case, I think she realized that I can hack it, and now she likes me.
And then today............................
Today she told me that after the election is over she will be more than happy to do whatever she can to make sure I get a job. And I know that she will because she is true to her word and she would only say it if she meant it. So THAT gives me hope that everything will be ok. The other positive news is that if our governor candidate wins the election appx. 2,000 jobs will open up in his administration, and fortunately I have somehow managed to gain the recommendation of people that matter and have some pull. This is what I wanted, and as much as it has been frustrating that this has been such a long freaking road, I am still holding out hope.
(Insert back-story here)
As some of you know, I currently have an insanely chaotic job in politics. Since it is an election year, and everyone state office is up for re-election this year in my state, things are NUTS with my job. I am working about 80 hours a week, sleeping almost never, and stressed beyond belief. In addition to having a really tough campaign that I am working on, one of the people close to the campaign is a tough-as-nails lobbyist who is insanely well connected, but also really hard to work with. I have made it my mission to prove that I can withstand her pressures, and do it with a smile. She cannot break me! In any case, I think she realized that I can hack it, and now she likes me.
And then today............................
Today she told me that after the election is over she will be more than happy to do whatever she can to make sure I get a job. And I know that she will because she is true to her word and she would only say it if she meant it. So THAT gives me hope that everything will be ok. The other positive news is that if our governor candidate wins the election appx. 2,000 jobs will open up in his administration, and fortunately I have somehow managed to gain the recommendation of people that matter and have some pull. This is what I wanted, and as much as it has been frustrating that this has been such a long freaking road, I am still holding out hope.
October 11, 2010
A Baby, Maybe?
It is so close I can taste it......yet at the same time, I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch.
Last week on Wednesday, I submitted a resume for a full time position working for a reputable organization that has been ranked in the top 100 companies for working moms. The organization works with children, and has a fantastic benefit package for moms, and moms-to-be. I am 110% qualified for the position, and I know that I would love it. Despite the fact that it seemed perfect, I also needed to deal with the reality that I have been applying for full-time jobs in my field for 3 years and still have not gotten a permanent full-time position. I HOPE that my luck is changing. Less than 24 hours after submitting my resume I recieved a call to set up a phone interview! I am so excited! The phone interview is tomorrow, and while I know that it is still really early in the process, I am happy to have gotten the opportunity to interview......I just hope that this time around I don't have to deal with the let-down that usually follows. I have appreciated all of your support and thoughts and prayers thus far, but I am asking once again, to please send a lot of good vibes and prayers my way tomorrow. This would be an amazing opportunity for me, and a step in the right direction for my husband and I!
As for my Mr.Fitness Bud, he still doesn't have any offers on the table. :( It is frustrating, and I know that he keeps going back and forth between being optimistic and being discouraged. This week, I am choosing to be optimistic. I KNOW that this won't be forever. I KNOW that he will eventually find a job. I know 4 people that have been unemployed for longer than DH that all got jobs last week. I KNOW that Mr.Fitness Bud will knock someone's socks off someday soon, and we will be on our way! I KNOW that life ebbs and flows and that there are peaks and valleys, and that right now we are in the valley, but at some point, we will be on the mountain-top. I KNOW that despite how discouraged I have been at times, that this is not my lot in life, and that struggles can only overcome you if you let them. I know this, in large part, due to the encouragement and love that has been shown to us by friends like you.
I know that tomorrow I might feel a lot differently than I do today, but for the moment, I am going to dwell on the positive, and continue to have hope.
Last week on Wednesday, I submitted a resume for a full time position working for a reputable organization that has been ranked in the top 100 companies for working moms. The organization works with children, and has a fantastic benefit package for moms, and moms-to-be. I am 110% qualified for the position, and I know that I would love it. Despite the fact that it seemed perfect, I also needed to deal with the reality that I have been applying for full-time jobs in my field for 3 years and still have not gotten a permanent full-time position. I HOPE that my luck is changing. Less than 24 hours after submitting my resume I recieved a call to set up a phone interview! I am so excited! The phone interview is tomorrow, and while I know that it is still really early in the process, I am happy to have gotten the opportunity to interview......I just hope that this time around I don't have to deal with the let-down that usually follows. I have appreciated all of your support and thoughts and prayers thus far, but I am asking once again, to please send a lot of good vibes and prayers my way tomorrow. This would be an amazing opportunity for me, and a step in the right direction for my husband and I!
As for my Mr.Fitness Bud, he still doesn't have any offers on the table. :( It is frustrating, and I know that he keeps going back and forth between being optimistic and being discouraged. This week, I am choosing to be optimistic. I KNOW that this won't be forever. I KNOW that he will eventually find a job. I know 4 people that have been unemployed for longer than DH that all got jobs last week. I KNOW that Mr.Fitness Bud will knock someone's socks off someday soon, and we will be on our way! I KNOW that life ebbs and flows and that there are peaks and valleys, and that right now we are in the valley, but at some point, we will be on the mountain-top. I KNOW that despite how discouraged I have been at times, that this is not my lot in life, and that struggles can only overcome you if you let them. I know this, in large part, due to the encouragement and love that has been shown to us by friends like you.
I know that tomorrow I might feel a lot differently than I do today, but for the moment, I am going to dwell on the positive, and continue to have hope.
October 2, 2010
This is Not the Life I Planned For
My third anniversary is just around the corner, and I am so excited to celebrate another year of marriage. I love my husband dearly, and though we have had ups and downs over the last 3 years, I couldn't be happier that this is the man I am spending my life with. When we were married 3 years ago though, I never guessed that this was where our lives would be now.
3 years ago, I was 1/2 way through grad school. We had just purchased our home. My hubby was applying for grad school. We had grand plans of fixing up our home, getting going in our careers, and starting our family. We were certain that by the time we were 30, we would have decent jobs (in our fields of study), at least one child, and a renovated home. While things have definitely not turned out as planned, I can't say that we haven't benefitted from our stuggles. We know that all we can count on is each other. We know that at the end of the day our marriage is more important than money or belongings.
At the same time, I still find myself asking "why me?" Why are some people finding GREAT jobs, yet despite investing in our education, we cannot find employment? Why are friends or ours able to purchase nice homes and fill them with nice things, while we have a laundry list of projects that need to be completed and items that need to be bought? Why are what seems like ALL of our friends able to start their families while we need to sit by and watch and wonder when it will be our time?
My husband is the eternal optimist and is my encourager when I am down. He reminds me of the fact that we have a roof over our heads, we are still paying our bills, we are in love with each other, and we truly do have all that we need.
I hope that the saying "Good things come to those who wait", holds true for us.
3 years ago, I was 1/2 way through grad school. We had just purchased our home. My hubby was applying for grad school. We had grand plans of fixing up our home, getting going in our careers, and starting our family. We were certain that by the time we were 30, we would have decent jobs (in our fields of study), at least one child, and a renovated home. While things have definitely not turned out as planned, I can't say that we haven't benefitted from our stuggles. We know that all we can count on is each other. We know that at the end of the day our marriage is more important than money or belongings.
At the same time, I still find myself asking "why me?" Why are some people finding GREAT jobs, yet despite investing in our education, we cannot find employment? Why are friends or ours able to purchase nice homes and fill them with nice things, while we have a laundry list of projects that need to be completed and items that need to be bought? Why are what seems like ALL of our friends able to start their families while we need to sit by and watch and wonder when it will be our time?
My husband is the eternal optimist and is my encourager when I am down. He reminds me of the fact that we have a roof over our heads, we are still paying our bills, we are in love with each other, and we truly do have all that we need.
I hope that the saying "Good things come to those who wait", holds true for us.
September 29, 2010
I Might Be a Science Experiment
I wish I had something more interesting or positive to report, but there is nothing new under the sun. My hubby is still job searching, I am still crazy busy at work, and we are both hoping that something turns around for us soon.
Yesterday someone on a local message board I visit posted about an opportunity to participate in a study for women who are TTC. I requested more information. Who knows, maybe sometime soon I will be......and being compensated to TTC is something I am all about. :)
Yesterday someone on a local message board I visit posted about an opportunity to participate in a study for women who are TTC. I requested more information. Who knows, maybe sometime soon I will be......and being compensated to TTC is something I am all about. :)
September 20, 2010
WOW - OUCH - REALLY?
Before I dive in to the emotional rollercoaster that has been this weekend, I want to start with the good news, and that is the fact that Mr.FB's birthday party went extremely well! Close to 40 people came to celebrate with us, and it was a really good time. Mr.FB was so happy, and I was so glad to see him enjoying time with his friends and not having to worry about the job situation for one evening. It ended up being the perfect way to ring in the big 3-0.
On the other hand, aside from the party, my weekend was chaotic. I started getting sick at the end of last week, and spent the last 5 days doped up on cold medicine, with pockets full of Kleenex and cough drops. :( Being sick isn't fun no matter what, but ESPECIALLY when you work 75 hours per week, like me. Luckily I have a casual office and we are pretty much self-governed, so I was able to sneak in a short nap in lieu of a lunch break which helped a bit. I am sure that the stress isn't helping health-wise. I am always exhausted, and my stress level is high. I keep telling myself that I only need to maintain this pace for another 5 weeks, and then there will be some reprieve........although hopefully not too much reprieve, because I need to find another job after this!
Anyways, the Wow, the Ouch, and the Really, are all of course related to TTC....or lack thereof. It has been such a mix of emotions going through this waiting period. Mr.FB and I have always known that we wanted children. We have talked about it a lot. I knew that I was ready before Mr. FB, but I never wanted him to feel pressured, so I let him come to terms with when to start TTC on his own. And now, we are both SO ready, and can't do anything about it. :( I love my husband so much, and while I am so glad that he is emotionally ready for this, it makes my heart ache each time he tells me that he can't wait to see me with a pregnant belly, or that he is so excited to be a dad, or that he can't wait to see me as a mother. I want all of those things too....SO badly, but we can't have them because even after over 400 applications, my husband still does not have a job, and we are just not at a place where this is a good idea practically speaking.
This week my sister got to hear her baby's heartbeat, and she hit the 15 week mark. My friend made it to 10 weeks and got to break out the bella band. My other friend also just announced on Facebook that she is pregnant.
Today I went to lunch with one of my best friends. She was my maid of honor in my wedding. I was in her wedding. We have been friends for 10 years and have been through so much together. In fact, we even decided that we wanted to try to have our kids close together because we wanted to share that experience. And while I realize that it is silly to try to plan those things, it was fun to think about and hope for the shared experience. She asked me today whether we were going to start TTC as planned (this was going to be our month), and I told her that, no, we still had to wait, that there wasn't a job and that we were hoping for the best. Then she got choked up a bit and couldn't even look me in the eye as she told me that she is pregnant. I am SO SO happy for her, and I am so sad that she felt sad telling me her news. I love her dearly, and while it is bittersweet, I am thrilled for her.
I am hoping that someday soon I can share news of my very own. And I told my friend that it wasn't too late to still go through part of this pregnancy together.
Keeping my fingers crossed.
On the other hand, aside from the party, my weekend was chaotic. I started getting sick at the end of last week, and spent the last 5 days doped up on cold medicine, with pockets full of Kleenex and cough drops. :( Being sick isn't fun no matter what, but ESPECIALLY when you work 75 hours per week, like me. Luckily I have a casual office and we are pretty much self-governed, so I was able to sneak in a short nap in lieu of a lunch break which helped a bit. I am sure that the stress isn't helping health-wise. I am always exhausted, and my stress level is high. I keep telling myself that I only need to maintain this pace for another 5 weeks, and then there will be some reprieve........although hopefully not too much reprieve, because I need to find another job after this!
Anyways, the Wow, the Ouch, and the Really, are all of course related to TTC....or lack thereof. It has been such a mix of emotions going through this waiting period. Mr.FB and I have always known that we wanted children. We have talked about it a lot. I knew that I was ready before Mr. FB, but I never wanted him to feel pressured, so I let him come to terms with when to start TTC on his own. And now, we are both SO ready, and can't do anything about it. :( I love my husband so much, and while I am so glad that he is emotionally ready for this, it makes my heart ache each time he tells me that he can't wait to see me with a pregnant belly, or that he is so excited to be a dad, or that he can't wait to see me as a mother. I want all of those things too....SO badly, but we can't have them because even after over 400 applications, my husband still does not have a job, and we are just not at a place where this is a good idea practically speaking.
This week my sister got to hear her baby's heartbeat, and she hit the 15 week mark. My friend made it to 10 weeks and got to break out the bella band. My other friend also just announced on Facebook that she is pregnant.
Today I went to lunch with one of my best friends. She was my maid of honor in my wedding. I was in her wedding. We have been friends for 10 years and have been through so much together. In fact, we even decided that we wanted to try to have our kids close together because we wanted to share that experience. And while I realize that it is silly to try to plan those things, it was fun to think about and hope for the shared experience. She asked me today whether we were going to start TTC as planned (this was going to be our month), and I told her that, no, we still had to wait, that there wasn't a job and that we were hoping for the best. Then she got choked up a bit and couldn't even look me in the eye as she told me that she is pregnant. I am SO SO happy for her, and I am so sad that she felt sad telling me her news. I love her dearly, and while it is bittersweet, I am thrilled for her.
I am hoping that someday soon I can share news of my very own. And I told my friend that it wasn't too late to still go through part of this pregnancy together.
Keeping my fingers crossed.
September 13, 2010
The Waiting Game
September was going to be the magic month for us. We were certain Mr.Fitness Bud would have a job, and that we would be in a good place. We were positive that September would be perfect timing because then I could take my legislative job and if we were lucky enough to get pregant quickly, the timing would work out well with the legislative session. Turns out, O came and went, and TTC was not in the cards for us this month.
As I mentioned in my previous post, my DH has been laid off for 10 months. He has applied for over 400 jobs, and while we knew the market was tough, never in a million years did we think we would be looking back at almost a year of no work. He is depressed about it. His 30th birthday is in a week and today he said to me, "What do I have to celebrate? I am 30 years old, I have no job, no kids, my mom just died.......I'm not looking forward to this one." It killed me. He is the most optimistic person I have ever met, so seeing him down is tragic to me.
I planned a big party with all of his friends to try to lift him out of his slump, so I am looking forward to next Saturday and hoping that it turns out to be a celebration after all. We are having tacos-in-a-bag (which are awesome if you have never had them before), a keg, lawn games, and just to kick it old school, a beer-pong tournament. :) I also picked out some Armani aviator sunglasses that DH has been wanting for awhile but would never buy for himself. I am hoping that he will ultimately look back on this birthday and feel happy. I am also hoping that this will be his last birthday before he becomes a father. We both want that so much.
I go back and forth between knowing that the responsible thing to do is WAIT until he actually has a job, and saying "The heck with it!" and starting now, based on the assumption that within the next 9 months he WILL find one. I feel like I don't know what is realistic or rational anymore, because everything that we thought a year ago is completely different from what our reality is now.
If you are the praying kind, I would appreciate your prayers for my husband to find work, and for me too. After November I will be looking as well, and while my prospects seem to be very promising, I am learning that nothing is as it seems.
As I mentioned in my previous post, my DH has been laid off for 10 months. He has applied for over 400 jobs, and while we knew the market was tough, never in a million years did we think we would be looking back at almost a year of no work. He is depressed about it. His 30th birthday is in a week and today he said to me, "What do I have to celebrate? I am 30 years old, I have no job, no kids, my mom just died.......I'm not looking forward to this one." It killed me. He is the most optimistic person I have ever met, so seeing him down is tragic to me.
I planned a big party with all of his friends to try to lift him out of his slump, so I am looking forward to next Saturday and hoping that it turns out to be a celebration after all. We are having tacos-in-a-bag (which are awesome if you have never had them before), a keg, lawn games, and just to kick it old school, a beer-pong tournament. :) I also picked out some Armani aviator sunglasses that DH has been wanting for awhile but would never buy for himself. I am hoping that he will ultimately look back on this birthday and feel happy. I am also hoping that this will be his last birthday before he becomes a father. We both want that so much.
I go back and forth between knowing that the responsible thing to do is WAIT until he actually has a job, and saying "The heck with it!" and starting now, based on the assumption that within the next 9 months he WILL find one. I feel like I don't know what is realistic or rational anymore, because everything that we thought a year ago is completely different from what our reality is now.
If you are the praying kind, I would appreciate your prayers for my husband to find work, and for me too. After November I will be looking as well, and while my prospects seem to be very promising, I am learning that nothing is as it seems.
September 6, 2010
Re-Introduction
You may (or may not) have noticed that I haven't posted in a very long time. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember me at all. So I am re-introducing myself, and telling my story. I am Fitness Bud. Actually, I could probably call myself Unfit Bud, nowadays. :( When I began blogging I was very active, running, lifting weights, and in addition to feeling more comfortable in my own skin, was preparing my body for baby. Things have gone VERY downhill in the last several months, and that is part of my story too.
At this time last year, we were ready to have kids. We were holding off for a little bit, as I was hoping to find a more secure job, but life was good, we were ready, and we were excited to begin TTC. Then, in November, my husband lost his job, and all of our plans were put on hold. While his being laid off was a huge blow, we were confident that with his experience and education, he would find a job quickly. In the mean time, I was continuing to look for a more secure job in my field. Then, in January, I was in a car accident. It wasn't major, but my car was totalled, my back was injured, and the person who hit me didn't have insurance. In addition to having a tighter financial situation, I now had to add the expense of purchasing a new car, and due to my back injury, I was in no shape to continue working out like I had been.
Fast Forward 9 months, to now. I have not been able to work out like I had been and am feeling terrible about myself. My husband still has no job. We have depleted half of our savings in an effort to pay our bills and stay afloat. I have a new job, but it doesn't pay too well, and I am working 75 hours a week. I took this job because it was an "in" in my field, but it is a temporary position, so as of November, I will be looking for employment. (Although I have repeatedly been assured by my bosses that with my newfound connections it should be no problem). Needless to say, life is not what we thought it would be. It is not what we planned. Last year at this time, I was certain I would be holding a baby in my arms by now. Instead, I am watching my sister, and 7, yes SEVEN of my friends have babies. It blows.
BUT, I am back. I need to talk about my current station in life. I need to have some way to track my progress. To look back one day and know that things have gotten better. And hopefully it will be therapeutic for me, and just maybe it will help someone else out there as well.
March 10, 2010
Taking a Break
Well blogosphere friends, you may (or may not) have noticed that I haven't been posting much. I have decided to take a bit of a break from the blog. Life has not panned out like I had hoped and although when I started blogging, our plan was to TTC in January, with DH's layoff, and me being unable to find a different job, our plans and lives were put on hold, and it has been hard for me to continue coming up with content besides the enormous amount of frustration I feel over having to wait on something I want SO badly because life hasn't dealt us ideal circumstances. While I think it is valuable to read about the high points and low points of people's journeys, I felt that all I was delivering was low points, so I took a step back. I am hoping that very soon, I will be back with great news of TTC.
I will post some good news anyways, and ask that those that are the praying kind lift them up, and those that aren't send good vibes, thoughts, wishes, etc, our way. DH landed an interview with an organization that he has been dreaming of working with for several years. The interview is next week, and while this is the first step in a very long and intense interview process, we are hoping for the best. Additionally, I had a phone interview today! It seems small, but this is the first "official" interview I have had in almost 5 months. This is also the first step in the interview process for me, but I am hoping for an in-person interview next week. It would be a position that would be challenging but very rewarding, and a HUGE step in the right direction for my career. Plus, it would be a pay bump of almost 40% of my current salary which would be amazing.
DH and I have a vacation in the works which was our other pre-TTC goal. I have a feeling that my hopes and dreams for a family are right around the corner, but I know that I really resting on a wish and a prayer right now. I will post again when I have more news, but wanted to say thank you for all of the kind thoughts and support.
I will post some good news anyways, and ask that those that are the praying kind lift them up, and those that aren't send good vibes, thoughts, wishes, etc, our way. DH landed an interview with an organization that he has been dreaming of working with for several years. The interview is next week, and while this is the first step in a very long and intense interview process, we are hoping for the best. Additionally, I had a phone interview today! It seems small, but this is the first "official" interview I have had in almost 5 months. This is also the first step in the interview process for me, but I am hoping for an in-person interview next week. It would be a position that would be challenging but very rewarding, and a HUGE step in the right direction for my career. Plus, it would be a pay bump of almost 40% of my current salary which would be amazing.
DH and I have a vacation in the works which was our other pre-TTC goal. I have a feeling that my hopes and dreams for a family are right around the corner, but I know that I really resting on a wish and a prayer right now. I will post again when I have more news, but wanted to say thank you for all of the kind thoughts and support.
February 12, 2010
This is Killing Me
I haven't posted in a really long time. Mainly because this is killing me. This waiting. This hoping. This completely not-in-control-of-my-own-life feeling. I hate it. There are plenty of days that I am ok. Unfortunately today is not one of them.
I wish there was something new to report, but you all know everything already. We want a baby. We can't have one because DH was laid off, and I am looking for a better job. This has been the same story for months now. No change. No interviews. No sudden lottery win that would exempt us from waiting. Meanwhile, I have 3 friends that are pregnant, a sister that is trying, and about a million and a half acquaintances and old friends that have announced on Facebook, and every single time I hear it my head knows I should be happy for them, but my heart makes me want to cry, or throw something, or run away so I don't have to hear about it anymore.
One of my friends had a baby this morning. Her second. I want to go see her and her new son, but I don't know if I can emotionally handle it. I just feel beaten down, worn out, basically spent. Maybe if I sleep on it I will be ok. Things are usually better in the morning, and a lot is forgotten with the start of a new day, but tonight, I just really needed to vent. Frankly, this sucks.
I wish there was something new to report, but you all know everything already. We want a baby. We can't have one because DH was laid off, and I am looking for a better job. This has been the same story for months now. No change. No interviews. No sudden lottery win that would exempt us from waiting. Meanwhile, I have 3 friends that are pregnant, a sister that is trying, and about a million and a half acquaintances and old friends that have announced on Facebook, and every single time I hear it my head knows I should be happy for them, but my heart makes me want to cry, or throw something, or run away so I don't have to hear about it anymore.
One of my friends had a baby this morning. Her second. I want to go see her and her new son, but I don't know if I can emotionally handle it. I just feel beaten down, worn out, basically spent. Maybe if I sleep on it I will be ok. Things are usually better in the morning, and a lot is forgotten with the start of a new day, but tonight, I just really needed to vent. Frankly, this sucks.
January 30, 2010
Job Interview
Yes.....I have one! I don't want to get my hopes up, but I can't help it. The interview is with a company with which I have several "ins" if you want to call it that. DH used to work there and left on extremely good terms. He still speaks regularly with many of his former co-workers. We have two friends that work there that I am certain would give me a good recommendation. The organization is also one of the clients that my fellowship group is representing this legislative session, so I know their policy people. AND, their President and CEO was one of my graduate instructors, and I got an "A" in his class. So I HOPE that one of these connections in addition to my interview will be enough to get me in the door!
The interview is next Friday so I am trying to prepare as best I can, in hopes of knocking their socks off. Getting this job would be the first step in finally getting more established in my career, having more financial stability, and being able to set a DEFINITE timeline for TTC! Just as importantly, I know that I would really enjoy the work. This is an organization that I really believe in what they do, the clients they serve, and their business model.
PLEASE send up thoughts, prayers, good vibes, etc. this week. I would really really appreciate it!
The interview is next Friday so I am trying to prepare as best I can, in hopes of knocking their socks off. Getting this job would be the first step in finally getting more established in my career, having more financial stability, and being able to set a DEFINITE timeline for TTC! Just as importantly, I know that I would really enjoy the work. This is an organization that I really believe in what they do, the clients they serve, and their business model.
PLEASE send up thoughts, prayers, good vibes, etc. this week. I would really really appreciate it!
January 16, 2010
Updates
I wish that I had more wonderful and exciting news to post, but there are a few wonderful things that I am pretty excited and optimistic about.
First, my fellowship starts this week. I will be doing some awesome work in public policy and hopefully making connections in my field, and the field I hope to go into, so I am really really stoked. I am expecting to learn a lot and add some great experience to my resume.
And speaking of resume, I had 2 people personally refer me for positions within their companies this week. Woot woot! It is always nice to have your name in with the hiring manager before the position is even posted. One of the positions I was told they want to "move quickly" on, so I am at least hoping for an interview. It's not immediately in my field, but has great transferrable skills, so I would take it. I hope that I get that chance!
Also, DH was invited to test for a government position he was interested in, so although it is still 2 weeks out, we are hoping for a good outcome on that one.
It really really blows having your life be put on hold because of job circumstances. It is one thing that is barely within our realm of control, especially in this economy, and even doing everything we possibly can doesn't mean that mountains will move and opportunities will come our way. We WANT to start our family. We NEED to sort out our employment situation first.
It is nice to have a glimmer of hope that our wait might not be much longer. I am trying to stay optimistic on that!
First, my fellowship starts this week. I will be doing some awesome work in public policy and hopefully making connections in my field, and the field I hope to go into, so I am really really stoked. I am expecting to learn a lot and add some great experience to my resume.
And speaking of resume, I had 2 people personally refer me for positions within their companies this week. Woot woot! It is always nice to have your name in with the hiring manager before the position is even posted. One of the positions I was told they want to "move quickly" on, so I am at least hoping for an interview. It's not immediately in my field, but has great transferrable skills, so I would take it. I hope that I get that chance!
Also, DH was invited to test for a government position he was interested in, so although it is still 2 weeks out, we are hoping for a good outcome on that one.
It really really blows having your life be put on hold because of job circumstances. It is one thing that is barely within our realm of control, especially in this economy, and even doing everything we possibly can doesn't mean that mountains will move and opportunities will come our way. We WANT to start our family. We NEED to sort out our employment situation first.
It is nice to have a glimmer of hope that our wait might not be much longer. I am trying to stay optimistic on that!
January 7, 2010
Mixed Emotions
As I posted awhile ago, I stopped charting. It was stressing me out, I was having difficulties due to my schedule, and since we are not TTC, it seemed a bit unnecessary at this point....although I definitely see the value in it! Other than keeping track of CM I haven't done anything to keep track of O'ing. DH and I have been semi-careful, not BD'ing when CM indicates that O is near, but I completely realize that method is not fool-proof, and we were ok with that. Basically, our half-assed attempt at TTA, while being ok with a surprise if it happened.
The other day, I entered my CM into my chart, and I suddenly realized that I was on CD 29. I have only ever had one 29 day cycle before. They are always 26-28 days. Instantly I had a moment of panic and hopefulness at the same time. It was really too soon to think that I could maybe be KU, but deep down, I have to admit there was a little part of me that hoped it wasn't just a random long cycle. I debated back and forth about whether to test, or to just wait another day, expecting that AF would show up. I allowed myself to entertain the possibility that maybe this was the "surprise" that I have halfway been expecting since we went off bcp in June. I allowed myself to panic just a little bit......although I would be excited, was I as ready as I thought I was?? What would DH think?
For those of you that have been following my posts, you know that DH and I are both ready and excited for children, but our job situation with my husband being recently laid off, has kind of put our TTC plans on hold. While half of me feels that we need to be practical, the other half of me feels like we should just go for it. That things can change a lot in 9 months, for the good or the bad. That part of me thinks that even if DH did have a fantastic job right now, that might be different in 9 months. And the fact that he doesn't have a job now probably won't be a concern 9 months from now. Life hands us so many unexpected circumstances, that we can't count on anything.....we can't plan our lives around "sure things." Then the practical side of me fights back. It is always this internal battle, trying to make sense of one of the biggest decisions we will make in our lifetime together. It is so hard.
Well all of the emotions that I was feeling on the infamous CD 29 were wasted. AF showed up on CD 30.
It's back to the drawing board.....or to the think-tank.....or the hamster wheel......or whatever you want to call this process. And honestly, I think that the process of making the decision to TTC is almost as craptastic at times, as TTC itself.
The other day, I entered my CM into my chart, and I suddenly realized that I was on CD 29. I have only ever had one 29 day cycle before. They are always 26-28 days. Instantly I had a moment of panic and hopefulness at the same time. It was really too soon to think that I could maybe be KU, but deep down, I have to admit there was a little part of me that hoped it wasn't just a random long cycle. I debated back and forth about whether to test, or to just wait another day, expecting that AF would show up. I allowed myself to entertain the possibility that maybe this was the "surprise" that I have halfway been expecting since we went off bcp in June. I allowed myself to panic just a little bit......although I would be excited, was I as ready as I thought I was?? What would DH think?
For those of you that have been following my posts, you know that DH and I are both ready and excited for children, but our job situation with my husband being recently laid off, has kind of put our TTC plans on hold. While half of me feels that we need to be practical, the other half of me feels like we should just go for it. That things can change a lot in 9 months, for the good or the bad. That part of me thinks that even if DH did have a fantastic job right now, that might be different in 9 months. And the fact that he doesn't have a job now probably won't be a concern 9 months from now. Life hands us so many unexpected circumstances, that we can't count on anything.....we can't plan our lives around "sure things." Then the practical side of me fights back. It is always this internal battle, trying to make sense of one of the biggest decisions we will make in our lifetime together. It is so hard.
Well all of the emotions that I was feeling on the infamous CD 29 were wasted. AF showed up on CD 30.
It's back to the drawing board.....or to the think-tank.....or the hamster wheel......or whatever you want to call this process. And honestly, I think that the process of making the decision to TTC is almost as craptastic at times, as TTC itself.
December 30, 2009
No News Isn't Necessarily Good News.
Not sure if it was noticed, but I haven't written in awhile. Mostly because no matter how hard I thought about what I could write that would be remotely interesting or positive, I couldn't come up with anything. I hate feeling like a Negative Nancy. Life isn't really all that bad, but honestly, I am at the point of being completely burnt out. I wish that I could just take a "time-out" from life, and come back to it once I have had some time to mentally decompress and collect myself.
Here's the latest:
1) DH is still unemployed. Though he has applied for over 160 positions in the last 4 months, he has not received an interview or an offer.
2) I still cannot find a job. I am employed, thank God, but I basically hate my job and am working for peanuts. I thought I had a lead, and then it fell through which was a bit discouraging, but honestly not all that surprising. It sounds terrible, but I have kind of come to expect disappointment.
3) The workouts are still going really well. I have had some severe achielles tendon pain in the past two days. I ran through it yesterday, but today I really needed a break, being that walking has become difficult. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
4) Based solely on the craptastic job circumstances, we are still TTA. And I am bitter about it.
I am usually a fairly positive person, but I will be completely honest and say that the job searching scenario for both DH and I has left me frustrated, bitter, irritable, and cynical. I have definite moments of positivity, but with regards to the job search, it's something I have to do, but it currently seems as about as exciting as gouging my own eyes out with a rusty spoon. I can think of about 10 million things that I would rather do, than continue on this job search that currently seems to be completely futile. I hope that next time I write, you will catch me in a better mood but today is one of those days where complaining and feeling sorry for myself seems to be more effective.
Thanks to those of you who have offered kind words and support over the past months. It really does mean a lot to me.
Here's the latest:
1) DH is still unemployed. Though he has applied for over 160 positions in the last 4 months, he has not received an interview or an offer.
2) I still cannot find a job. I am employed, thank God, but I basically hate my job and am working for peanuts. I thought I had a lead, and then it fell through which was a bit discouraging, but honestly not all that surprising. It sounds terrible, but I have kind of come to expect disappointment.
3) The workouts are still going really well. I have had some severe achielles tendon pain in the past two days. I ran through it yesterday, but today I really needed a break, being that walking has become difficult. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
4) Based solely on the craptastic job circumstances, we are still TTA. And I am bitter about it.
I am usually a fairly positive person, but I will be completely honest and say that the job searching scenario for both DH and I has left me frustrated, bitter, irritable, and cynical. I have definite moments of positivity, but with regards to the job search, it's something I have to do, but it currently seems as about as exciting as gouging my own eyes out with a rusty spoon. I can think of about 10 million things that I would rather do, than continue on this job search that currently seems to be completely futile. I hope that next time I write, you will catch me in a better mood but today is one of those days where complaining and feeling sorry for myself seems to be more effective.
Thanks to those of you who have offered kind words and support over the past months. It really does mean a lot to me.
December 20, 2009
Capable
Life has been so chaotic as of late. DH was laid off, I have been trying to get ready for the holidays, trying to pick up extra hours at work, job-searching, the list goes on. At the same time I feel basically invisible. I haven't been present on my online forums except in lurking spirit, and just long enough to catch up on news. I haven't spent time with friends. I haven't cleaned my house. I have basically felt like I am rushing through life in shadow-form.....going through the motions, but completely unnoticed.
I've been going through some major self-reflection. Looking at my life, my goals, my values. Trying to find daily inspiration. Thinking not of what I am supposed to do, but what makes me fulfilled. So I apologize in advance that this post is a little deep, bear with me.
There is a book that I just bought called "ONE". You can pick it up at any Starbucks. It is absolutely fricking fantastic. Light, inspirational reading. Cheap. Worth every penny. As a person who is going through a time of "Who am I, and what is my life?", this book has been instrumental in helping me to look more deeply at myself. In addition, I have been totally girl-crushing on Ingrid Michaelson who has some of the most amazing music out there. On that note.......
I have also been hitting the gym like a maniac. For the first time in my life I can actually understand what a "runner's high" is......and I NEVER thought I would say that. I signed up for a 5K. I actually RAN a 5k today at the gym. And then I did 10 miles on the bike and lifted. And why does this matter at all?? Because I NEVER thought I was capable of this. As I was stretching after my run, I realized that if I am capable of this one small thing that I was sure I could never do, what else am I capable of?? How have I been limiting myself.....not allowing myself to reach my full potential??
And what in God's green earth does this have to do with Ingrid Michaelson?? Well.......in addition to every other amazing song that she has written, there is one called "Turn to Stone" that I am totally loving. It says, "Let's go to sleep with clearer heads and hearts to big to fit our beds, and maybe we won't feel so alone..." So I will keep thinking about how to be a better person. How to reach my potential. And how to live more fully and love more deeply. And maybe in the process I will discover what I am truly capable of.
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/turn-to-stone/id315034498?i=315035185
I've been going through some major self-reflection. Looking at my life, my goals, my values. Trying to find daily inspiration. Thinking not of what I am supposed to do, but what makes me fulfilled. So I apologize in advance that this post is a little deep, bear with me.
There is a book that I just bought called "ONE". You can pick it up at any Starbucks. It is absolutely fricking fantastic. Light, inspirational reading. Cheap. Worth every penny. As a person who is going through a time of "Who am I, and what is my life?", this book has been instrumental in helping me to look more deeply at myself. In addition, I have been totally girl-crushing on Ingrid Michaelson who has some of the most amazing music out there. On that note.......
I have also been hitting the gym like a maniac. For the first time in my life I can actually understand what a "runner's high" is......and I NEVER thought I would say that. I signed up for a 5K. I actually RAN a 5k today at the gym. And then I did 10 miles on the bike and lifted. And why does this matter at all?? Because I NEVER thought I was capable of this. As I was stretching after my run, I realized that if I am capable of this one small thing that I was sure I could never do, what else am I capable of?? How have I been limiting myself.....not allowing myself to reach my full potential??
And what in God's green earth does this have to do with Ingrid Michaelson?? Well.......in addition to every other amazing song that she has written, there is one called "Turn to Stone" that I am totally loving. It says, "Let's go to sleep with clearer heads and hearts to big to fit our beds, and maybe we won't feel so alone..." So I will keep thinking about how to be a better person. How to reach my potential. And how to live more fully and love more deeply. And maybe in the process I will discover what I am truly capable of.
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/turn-to-stone/id315034498?i=315035185
December 11, 2009
Are We There Yet? Are We There Yet?
Although it reminds me of a long family road trip circa 1989, the lingering question remains, "Are we there yet?"
Unfortunately this time the question refers to TTC. DH is ready. I am ready. Our careers are not, and there are a whole lot of four letter words that could describe how I feel about that. DH and I were SURE we would be TTC at this point. We were both SURE that DH would have a job by now. We were both SURE that it couldn't possibly take me so long to find a different job in my field. We were SURE we would have a 2010 baby. Now I am positive that we were both wrong about the first three statements, and likely wrong about the fourth. Frustration doesn't even begin to describe what I am feeling.
I have spent a lot of time thinking, "why me?". While I don't generally feel it productive to wallow in self-pity, I would be lying if I said I hadn't done at least a little of this since I realized that my timeline was basically shot. Every day I say a little prayer that maybe today will be the day our luck changes. If you are the praying kind, I wouldn't mind having some additional shout-outs going up. I know that things can turn around quickly. I know that maybe on Monday DH will get an interview, or I will make an awesome connection, or somehow everything will fall into place a little bit better than it is now. I know that things will not always be this challenging. But I think I need an extra dose of God's grace to keep me going right now.
Unfortunately this time the question refers to TTC. DH is ready. I am ready. Our careers are not, and there are a whole lot of four letter words that could describe how I feel about that. DH and I were SURE we would be TTC at this point. We were both SURE that DH would have a job by now. We were both SURE that it couldn't possibly take me so long to find a different job in my field. We were SURE we would have a 2010 baby. Now I am positive that we were both wrong about the first three statements, and likely wrong about the fourth. Frustration doesn't even begin to describe what I am feeling.
I have spent a lot of time thinking, "why me?". While I don't generally feel it productive to wallow in self-pity, I would be lying if I said I hadn't done at least a little of this since I realized that my timeline was basically shot. Every day I say a little prayer that maybe today will be the day our luck changes. If you are the praying kind, I wouldn't mind having some additional shout-outs going up. I know that things can turn around quickly. I know that maybe on Monday DH will get an interview, or I will make an awesome connection, or somehow everything will fall into place a little bit better than it is now. I know that things will not always be this challenging. But I think I need an extra dose of God's grace to keep me going right now.
December 6, 2009
9 Trips to the Gym in 2 Weeks....
I am on fire!!! And I love it! I am not seeing the results as much as I would like yet, but it feels SO SO SO good to really be back. I think they say it takes doing something 21 times to make it habit.....well I am almost halfway there. I have found myself plotting out my work week to see when I can fit gym time into my schedule. I have been tracking all of my calories on www.livestrong.com/thedailyplate and it has really helped for me to see more accurately what I am putting into my body. I was quick to realize that my carb intake was high and my protein intake was low, so I have been working on that. I have also been doing a great job with drinking 96 oz. + of water per day. I start with 4 blue rubber bands on my wrist each morning. As I drink a 24 oz. water, I switch a rubber band to the other wrist. Once all 4 rubber bands have made it to the other wrist, I know that I have met my daily requirement for water.
It has been amazing to see how much more energy I have, how positive I have been, and how much I am actually enjoying going to the gym! I am hoping that I can continue to work harder all the time and see all of my goals come to fruition!
It has been amazing to see how much more energy I have, how positive I have been, and how much I am actually enjoying going to the gym! I am hoping that I can continue to work harder all the time and see all of my goals come to fruition!
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