Baby Sunflower Bud is here!

Arriving 8 weeks early, baby Sunflower Bud made his debut on June 6, 2011 at 3:54pm. He weighed 3lbs 5.9oz and was 17 inches long.

That morning I had a level II ultrasound to check cord blood flow again. It didn't take long for the MFM to immediately see that things had worsened dramatically and there was now reverse cord blood flow. This meant immediate delivery that day. It wasn't surprising because my NST's over the weekend were pretty bad. I spent 6 hours on Saturday hooked up to the NST and had to have a BPP done as well to make sure he was okay.

I called my mom, who had already had a bag packed in her car, and told her and she left work right away and headed to the hospital. My doctor was agreeable to waiting for her to arrive so she could be in the room. Thankfully, there was an emergency c-section that bumped me back long enough for her to make it the 3 hour drive and get there in time.

Because I'd been a patient in the hospital for so long, they actually let me choose which nurses I wanted to be in the surgery! That made things a lot better for me because one of my favorite nurses was working. Janine got me all hooked up to my IV and then walked me over to the operating room. She was awesome and held my hand and supported me through the spinal (she had come to learn what a needle wuss I was over the last 4 1/2 weeks) and we all laughed when the anesthesiologist hit a nerve and shot through my leg and I yelled, "What the hell was that?!" Laid back on the table and Dr. F (anesthesiologist) started the procedure of making sure the spinal was taking effect. It took a lot longer than he expected and he kept tilting the table downward to try and get gravity to help the spinal along. Finally, it was set and we were ready to start. I started getting very nauseous and he gave me something to help with that. I had to just focus on breathing instead of what was to come.

My mom and husband came into the room and sat by my head and were very encouraging. Finally, I just asked them to stop talking because I was getting so sick. There was a TON of pulling, shaking and tugging. Baby Sunflower Bud did NOT want to leave his home in there. He was high breech so they had to reach up pretty high to get him out. Finally, they got him out and I panicked because there wasn't crying. It took a bit but they got him cleaned out and ANGRY and boy, did he wail. The NICU doctors were there and they got him all cleaned up and stopped long enough for me to see him and kiss him before they took him to the NICU.

I started feeling a strange pricking sensation and asked Dr. F what was going on. Apparently the spinal was wearing off and I was feeling them stitch me up. Yikes. They said they could give me a local but there were only a few stitches left to go and they'd be done by the time the local would kick in. So I had to endure feeling the rest of the stitching. I won't forget that any time soon.

I went to recovery where I was immediately hooked up to magnesium sulfate. I got a little too cocky because I commented that it wasn't that bad at all and I wasn't feeling sick. Spoke too soon because about 8 hours later, I got very very very sick from it. But I had to stay on it for a minimum of 24 hours to prevent seizures.

It was 6 hours post surgery before I was able to see Baby SB and they wheeled my whole bed into the NICU to see him. That was incredibly hard, waiting so long to see him and not being able to hold him. I couldn't stay for very long because the heat of the NICU and the mag were making me very ill.

He's been doing well in NICU so far. But that's another update for another time. :)

If you made it through all of that, you deserve a baby picture.

Highs and lows

That's what it's all about lately.

I'm on day 23 in the hospital. On one hand, I can't believe 3 weeks have gone by already. On the other hand, holy cow I've been in the hospital for 3 weeks!

We've had some complications and even a scary weekend last weekend spent in L&D where they thought they might have to deliver.

My OB said I've passed the honeymoon phase where I was lucky to have no physical symptoms but that I can expect to have more bad days now. Today was one of them... I was so sick today with nausea, vomiting and a killer headache. Thankfully, I'm feeling a little better now.

I've had a few ultrasounds recently due to Baby SB starting to show decels on my NST's. My fluid has dropped from 22 to 10. This, combined with the decels, is a sign that my placenta is starting to fail. A wonderful byproduct of the pre-eclampsia. I have another fluid check on Wednesday and then next week another detailed ultrasound with the MFM to check growth.

They finally detailed for me what the main things that will mean delivery are at this point:
1. My urine protein level needs to dramatically jump (my last 24 hour urine test was almost 1,000; my next test starts tomorrow morning, if it is close to or over 2,000, we'll be looking at delivering)

2. Fluid level. It's already decreased dramatically but if it goes 6 or below, we'll have to deliver immediately.

3. Unable to control my blood pressure with meds anymore. We're nearing that point. I'm checked every 4 hours and 50% of the time they stay in the range that we want to see right now... but more and more they are dipping way too low or spiking way too high.

4. Bloodwork. Thankfully, I've remained stable on that front. We had a brief scare where my platelets were dropping but they spiked back up and everything else is in normal range. HELLP is something I very much want to avoid.

They've taken 37 weeks off the table at this point. We aren't likely at all to see that goal. They are starting to talk about being lucky to make it to Friday (32 weeks). We're still holding out hope for 34 weeks though.

Little SB comes home Tuesday. She's been with her grandparents in Canada for the past 2+ weeks. I've missed her something fierce and I can't wait to see her. She gets upset sometimes when we talk on the phone and finds out that I'm still in the hospital. Hopefully, she'll feel better about it when she comes home. I have lots of crafts, puzzles and games planned for her visits to help make her feel better about things. My IL's are planning on staying until June 15th to help out with her and the house so that's a HUGE help.

Here is the last ultrasound picture we got a few weeks ago with the MFM. Cracked us up to see him in this position:
For the most part, the nurses here are AWESOME. There is one that I don't really care for and I dread her shift. But the rest are a lot of fun and keep me entertained and in good spirits. I'm the only antepartum patient right now and they've all commented on how much fun I am and what an easy patient I am. I look forward to Antepartum Treat Sundays where I get goodies like this:
Today's treat was even better... it had tons of candy bars, popcorn, cookies, more Bath & Body Works stuff in it and some flags for Memorial Day.

My friends and family have been so awesome. My room is completely decorated with flowers, plants, balloons, pictures their kids have drawn and pictures of DD. They've even started a "card shower" and I'm getting cards in the mail practically every day and those are up all around my room as well.

So here I stay... chugging along... knowing every day I keep him inside is about 3 days he doesn't have to spend in the NICU!

And I leave you with my belly pic from last week... don't mind the mismatched clothes, I'm going for comfort in here... not style!

~Sunflower Bud~

Wow, where do I even begin?

Well, I'm typing to you from my new home. The hospital.

On Thursday/Friday, I noticed that my swelling in my feet was more excessive than it normally is. Putting my feet up didn't help, drinking a ton of water didn't help. Even sleeping at night didn't help like it normally did.

So on my Mom's advice (she's an RN), I stopped at one of those blood pressure monitors at CVS Pharmacy. 188/82. Ouch. She told me to go try another one at another store because they aren't always accurate. So off we go to WalMart to try their's. 170/90. Still bad.

I felt perfectly fine so I didn't think it was a big deal but I called my OB. She freaked out and ordered me to come in ASAP. I explained that I was actually in another state visiting for Mother's Day. So she ordered me to go to the hospital there immediately. Off we went.

They checked my blood pressure, which was still very high, my swelling, my reflexes, etc. As of then, my urine was clear for protein, my blood pressure dropped a bit but was still very elevated. My reflexes were hyper which I didn't know was a bad thing and I had Clonus in my feet. I was admitted and spent Saturday - Monday morning in the hospital on constant monitoring. More blood draws then I can rememember, 24 hours urine test, constant baby monitoring, etc.

On Monday, they discharged me with strict instructions to go straight to my local hospital at home. When I reached my own hospital, my blood pressure had spiked into dangerous territory... 180's/100's. I was admitted and have been here ever since.

My 24 hour urine test revealed protein level of 500, I have extreme reflexes and Clonus and my blood pressure is out of control and was still spiking.

Official diagnosis.... mild pre-eclampsia bordering severe. (there's apparently no moderate, it's one or the other).

We've met with my entire team of doctor's from my OB office, the Head of the NICU and the Chief of Maternal Fetal Medicine has been assigned to my case as well. I'm not going home at all until the baby is born. This hospital is my new home until then. :( They are very concerned with how quickly everything changes and that a lot of my symptoms are actually on the severe range. I've been put on blood pressure medicine to try and regulate it, baby is monitored for an hour twice a day, daily blood work, blood pressure check every 4 hours and frequent ultrasounds to check on baby's growth.

Our ultimate goal is 34 weeks. The doctors think this is being optimistic. Realistically, they are hoping we make it 2 more weeks.

I'm not fully stuck in bed anymore and have a little freedom around my room. I can sit in the rocker and eat and read. I can get up and go to the bathroom or shower. But when I'm in bed, I have to keep the Flowtron on my legs which prevents blood clots. I have to report every single headache, blurriness, cramp, etc. Anything at all.

My VBAC is out. :( It's going to 100% be a c-section. But I've been assured that my recovery will be much easier than it was with my daughter.

I'm having a hard time adjusting. I miss my daughter more than anything in the world. I've only gotten to see her a couple times and she's very confused. My MIL is going to take her up to Canada with her for 2 weeks so that Mr. SB can focus on work and being at the hospital with me and to keep DD entertained and occupied so she's not scared and worried.

Today, I've had lower blood pressures thanks to the medicine and I've got a detailed ultrasound scheduled this afternoon with the Chief of MFM. I'm having a lot of dizziness and nausea from the medicine but I know it's all for the best.

The longer I can cook Baby SB, the less time he spends in the NICU.

Where on earth did the second tri go?!

Hellllllllllllllo third tri!!! Wow, that really snuck up on me! 27 weeks!

It's been an eventful few weeks. I caught a nasty stomach bug that landed me in the hospital. They gave me 3 bags of IV fluids, 2 doses of Zofran and a dose of Reglan and nothing helped. And wouldn't you know... it happened the day before we were due to fly out to FL for vacation! They wanted to keep me overnight but I declined and asked to go home after being there for almost 8 hours. If I was going to be miserable, I'd rather be miserable at home where I could go to the bathroom without being unhooked from everything every time and sleep in my own bed. The next morning, things hadn't subsided much and I called the OB begging to take some Immodium so that I could at least get on the plane. Thankfully, she relented and we made it to FL!

We had an incredibly relaxing 8 day vacation. We spent most days out in the water on the boat and swimming in the pool. One day, Mr. Sunflower Bud surprised me with an entire date day for just the 2 of us. It's not usual for me to not do the planning for us and it was awesome to not be in control of our day for a change. We had lunch at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co, played mini golf, went on a chocolate factory tour, visited a jewelry store where he bought me a beautiful diamond and pink flip flop necklace and then finished the evening with dinner at a local Italian restaurant.

Yesterday, I had my OB check up and everything looks great! Baby SB's heartbeat is healthy and great (it was 170 yesterday and he was full of energy moving around in there). My OB is thrilled with my weight gain (only up 15lbs so far) and said I'm doing great. Blood pressure is great as always (110/70, I think it was).

Baby SB finally moved up out of the deep depths of my uterus where he's been making himself comfy on my sciatic. So I've finally gotten some back pain relief.

He's very active and kicks all day long with short periods of rest. I'm hoping that he'll tire himself out in there so he sleeps a lot when he comes out. :)

I'm still getting a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions so I'm hoping that's good news as far as working towards a VBAC, as I never had any BH with my daughter that I can recall and certainly not as early or often as I'm having this time around.

The nursery is completely finished and we're out of things we need to buy so all we've got to do now is just relax and enjoy this final trimester!

~ Sunflower Bud ~

23 week appointment and a game plan!

Went in for my 23 week appointment today. Everything looks great so far. I've had hideous lower back pain for the past 3 days to the point where I can't get up and down sometimes without crying. Turns out that baby boy is burrowed way down deep in my uterus. He has all this room to move around and he's shoved himself as low down as he can go. And stretched out sideways. So mama is in a world of pain right now until he moves. I'm pretty sure he's afraid of big sister who likes to still climb on me and get a little too rough sometimes so he's hiding.

Met with one of my OB's today instead of a PA and instantly liked her. We discussed in detail my concerns about my last labor/delivery and what I want out of this one. She knows how badly I want the VBAC to be successful and how scared I am of another failed induction. She was encouraging of us hiring a doula. I also discussed that I don't want an epidural offered to me. I want to ask for it when I want it. I'm afraid if it's offered, I'll be weak and take it. I want to have it when I'm ready for it and to only have it offered if we're nearing the window of me not being able to have it at all. So she wrote that down in my folder and told me to also discuss this with my L&D nurse when I go into labor.

The latest they are willing to let me go is 41 weeks. If I haven't gone into labor naturally on my own by then, we will not induce. My choice. My VBAC success with an induction is low based on my history of failed induction and slow progression. The recovery from a c-section after an induction based labor is shown to be more difficult than recover from a scheduled c-section. Those aren't odds I really want to gamble with so at 41 weeks, I'll opt for a scheduled c-section if I haven't gone into labor on my own. Since I want to push it as late as possible, she said we will schedule the c-section for 41 weeks exactly. If that ends up being the case, Baby Sunflower Bud and Sunflower Bud will share a birthday. Not a bad birthday present, in my opinion. :)

~ Sunflower Bud ~

POP.... goes the belly button.

It's official, my innie is now an outtie. I have pretty bad belly button issues as it is and cannot stand to have it touched at all. When I was recovering from my lap, the belly button incision is the one that bothered me the most. And now that it's all stretched out and popping out, the last few days were pretty miserable. It was touching everything and completely icked me out. So far today, it's not as bad for some reason.

I'm already starting to find it more difficult to get up and down and to maneuver around. It's interesting how much earlier things happen with your second than your first. I'm officially rolling out of bed instead of just jumping out of bed.

The morning sickness comes and goes. Some days are better than others. Some days my Zofran and I are best friends. Usually if I start out my day with a big glass of orange juice (with pulp) than I'm pretty good for most of the day.

Here is my 20w picture:
I'm still holding strong at only 15 pounds gained so far. Thankfully, my major cravings are apples, oranges and strawberries with the occasional chocolate craving thrown in there.

I've been on a serious organizational binge lately. I've already gotten all of his newborn and 0-3 month clothes washed and put away in the dresser/closet. Yesterday, I spent the day reorganizing our kitchen cabinets to make room for a cabinet for all the bottles/liners/breastmilk storage containers:I'm going to put off washing and prepping all of my cloth diapers until much closer to the time that I'll need them. This is part of the stash so far. I've added 5 more diapers since this picture was taken.

I'm really enjoying all there is to do to get ready. I know I complained that time was dragging but once I hit 20 weeks, time seems to be going too fast now!! I don't mind if he stays in there because I'm at least getting some sleep (despite getting up 2-4 times a night to go to the bathroom) and I'm very much enjoying my morning snuggles with DD when she climbs into my bed for cuddles in the morning.

~ Sunflower Bud ~

We hired a doula!

I'm determined for a different (read: better) birthing experience this time around. My labor/delivery with Little Sunflower Bud was less than desirable. I was induced (failed Cervadil induction twice) and dialed up to the highest dosage the hospital would allow of Pitocin, had my epidural by 3cm and didn't start pushing until after 18 hours of being hooked up to Pitocin. After 2 hours of pushing, she got stuck and wouldn't budge. Her heartrate slowed and my blood pressure rose, so off to an emergency c-section we went! Recovery was pretty bad.

After watching my best friend get out of bed easily 6 hours after giving birth, I've been bound and determined for a vaginal birth this time. My doctor says I'm an excellent candidate for a VBAC and so that is my goal.

I've done a lot of research and reading and made a lot of decisions. The first was finding and hiring a doula. Amy is amazing. We clicked immediately and I feel completely comfortable with her. She is very much on board with everything that I'm looking to get out of this experience and very much willing to do whatever she can to get us there.

We'll meet a few times before my due date and then she'll also be there for the entire duration of labor and delivery and 2-3 hours afterward to help with latch and breastfeeding.

Our plan so far is to do as much laboring at home as possible. Since we have a large garden tub, we'll be able to use that for a lot of the labor. I don't want a home birth so when it gets close or too much to take at home, we'll move on to the hospital (thankfully, it's only 10 minutes away). I really want to avoid Pitocin and an epidural, if at all possible, since they have been shown to sometimes stall labor. We'll be using a birthing ball and a number of positions to make sure baby is moving into the position that we need him in. Another reason to avoid the epidural as long as possible, so that I'm free to move around.

She was thrilled with the specific chiropractor that I've been seeing and said she is definitely one of the best in the area for helping with pregnancy. Dr. K will start to work with me towards the end to do things to help open and loosen up my pelvis.

I'm very excited about everything. While I know that I'm not guaranteed the outcome that I want, I like knowing that I'm doing everything I possibly can to get there.

~Sunflower Bud~

Halfway there!!!

*breathes* 20 weeks!!! FINALLY!! I swear time has been dragging by. Hopefully, it will speed up a bit more now.

Baby has been very active at nighttime now, kicking up a storm and doing all kinds of somersaults and stretching himself out as straight as he can go. The only person who has felt it so far has been the cat who was irritated at being kicked while she was laying on my belly and ran away.

We've been very busy in the nursery! I'm so proud of how it's coming together so far.

We got it all painted the solid color so far (Gecko Green) but still need to work on the wide navy stripe this weekend. Curtains hung!

Bedding is all washed and put on the crib now.


This weekend, Mr. Sunflower gets to tackle this fun job:

Those boxes are the glider/ottoman, dresser and travel system. Dresser is priority so I can start getting all of the clothes out of the closet and organized into the dresser.

My mom bought us the travel system (our car seat from Little Sunflower Bud was pink so that just wouldn't do and Mr Sunflower Bud doesn't love our JEEP jogging stroller as much as I do) and I'm so excited about the stroller. It's the Graco Quattro Tour Reverse and the seat flips to face both forward and backward!


There is a little slide latch on the top of the seat that you slide and push down and it flips the seat to face like this:
~ Sunflower Bud ~

"Big" Ultrasound!!!

Hellllloooo 19 weeks!!! I feel like time is dragging by so slowly!! Speed up already, I'm ready to meet this kiddo!

We had our anatomy ultrasound this morning. Baby is still a beautiful boy and healthy as can be!! He was incredibly active, moving all around and rarely stopping. Everything looked absolutely perfect. Heart looked great, brain looked great, spine, kidneys, etc. He's a big boy, already in the 62nd percentile at 11oz. Heartbeat was steady in the 150's.

We loved watching him move around in there. He was constantly touching his face and putting his hands in his mouth. And stretching his super long legs out as straight as he could get them! That's not going to feel very good in a few weeks...

Dr. M said that we should start feeling him on the outside in around 3 weeks. That will be so awesome!

A little concern about the Braxton Hicks I was having yesterday. I was averaging around 4 an hour all day long. They weren't painful, but they weren't very comfortable either. She said it was a little early for that to happen that often so she wants me upping my water intake to make sure I'm as hydrated as possible. If they still continue, I'm to call.

There is also some concern about my pelvis being too narrow for a VBAC so when I go back in 4 weeks, they want to do some exams/tests to measure it. And Dr. M said they will also be monitoring baby boy's head size towards the end of the pregnancy since Little Sunflower Bud's head size was the reason I ended up with an emergency c-section.

For someone who was initially upset when finding out it was a boy 3 weeks ago, I was panicked at the thought that it might be wrong and be a girl after all. I couldn't love this little boy more and I'm so proud of be the mother of a son.

We decided against the bedding we used with Little SB and I instantly fell in love with the Giggling Turtles set from Baby Gap... only to discover it was discontinued!! But a very dear friend from high school found it at a local consignment shop in perfect condition!!!

I'm so excited. My mom is coming up this weekend to paint the nursery. We're going to do green walls and I ordered navy and dark green turtle decals from Etsy.

We ordered our dresser and glider as well and they should both be here by Monday. My mom is taking me shopping this weekend and she's going to buy us a new travel system. Our infant carseat is pink so we need a new one and Mr. Sunflower Bud doesn't love our Jeep stroller as much as I do so he wants a new stroller.

~ Sunflower Bud ~

I never thought I'd say this...

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!

We had our elective gender scan last weekend and I knew immediately when she got there before she said it. You couldn't really deny the shot at all!!!


I was disappointed at first because I wanted Little Sunflower Bud to have a sister and do all those great sister things and I really wanted to be able to get all of her adorable clothes back out and use them again.

Mr. Sunflower Bud, on the other hand, was over the moon happy. There have been no boys on his side of the family. There are 4 granddaughters! His brother and sister are done having children so we were the last chance. Seeing his joy was contagious. It only took me about 2 days to get over my disappointment and embrace the fact that I'm going to have a SON. I get to mother both sexes and that is amazing to me.

My best friend and I went out shopping at Carter's the same day as my ultrasound and Baby Boy Sunflower Bud has the beginnings of a nice wardrobe!


My sister went shopping the next day and bought baby boy a bunch of things already!


My next door neighbor, who is also having a boy, and I are going out shopping Saturday night and having dinner. I'm so excited for this!

Here's a couple more shots of Baby Boy Sunflower Bud from the ultrasound.

Sucking his thumb:

And a beautiful profile picture of my perfect boy:


~~ Sunflower Bud ~~

Time is going sooooooooo slow.

I turned 15 weeks on Friday. Waiting so impatiently for the elective gender scan we scheduled for the 12th. I cannot wait to find out what we are having. I will be thrilled with either but have a slight preference for a girl so we can re-use all of the girl clothes that we already have. Not to mention that sisters are just awesome!

After the recommendation of many of my friends, I purchased the Fisher Price Rock N Play Newborn Sleeper. I'm very excited about this because we can keep it in our room next to the bed which will make for easy middle of the night feedings for the first few months. I love that it has an incline just in case this baby has reflux like our daughter did.
I'm torn right now on breastfeeding. I had a difficult time with my daughter and my milk never fully came in. It was a very stressful time and the colic made it very difficult as well. I am determined to try harder this time but I'm just so unsure if I want to breastfeed or just pump and bottle feed. I didn't particularly enjoy breastfeeding for the short duration that I did it. I have a few more months to ponder the subject.

We did go a different route this time with bottles. We used Dr. Brown's last time but the ones we had weren't BPA free since that whole fiasco wasn't out at the time we were using bottles. So we threw those away and we decided to try Playtex Drop Ins this time. After having to wash so many parts with Dr. Brown's for so long, we liked the idea of having much fewer pieces to wash. Strangely, I'm actually very excited about bottle washing again. I enjoyed it.

I'm building my cloth diaper stash back up again. I only had mostly larges and some one sizes left over from my daughter and they were all girly colors. So I've started purchasing some smalls and mediums in gender neutral colors. BumGenius 3.0's, Fuzzibunz, and Beeber's Butts (Have to support my friend on her business!). Again, I'm strangely excited to start washing diapers again too. Little Sunflower Bud enjoys when new diapers come in the mail. She loves how small and soft they are and she knows right where they go in the baby's room and wants to put them there herself.

She is still very insistent that she's having a baby sister. Only a few more days until we know for sure!

I've started to relax quite a bit finally about the pregnancy. Though, unfortunately, the pregnancy hasn't started to relax for me. I still have some pretty major bouts of morning sickness for about 5 out of 7 days a week and I'm still very exhausted a lot of the time. Still hoping it gets better and lets up a bit.

Time is dragging!

Happy 14 weeks to me!

I gave up on Team Green and decided that I really wanted to know the gender. I have an elective gender scan scheduled for 16w2d on February 12th and I can't wait!!!!

Still haven't morning sickness on and off, some days worse than others. Slowly getting my 2nd tri burst of energy.

In my impatience to get things started, I went ahead and put the bassinet together with the help of Little Sunflower Bud. She had a great time helping and is really excited for baby sister (she refuses to accept that it might be a brother) to get here.


To start off the trend that we had with DD, we got baby their very first Wubbanub!


The crib is in but still needs to be picked up. Hoping to get it put together at the end of February when Mr. Sunflower Bud's brother is visiting and can help him move the guest bed down to what is currently the office.

NT scan

We had our NT scan this past week and baby is PERFECT. And apparently, extremely active. He/she never once stopped moving. The tech had a hard time getting measurements because of how much the baby was moving around. We were all laughing because it was just amazing to watch.

And it brought tears to my eyes to see that the baby really looks like a baby now:



Baby is measuring one day ahead and has a wonderfully strong heartbeat of 178.

Morning sickness is hit or miss now. Some days I have it, some I don't. Some days I think are going to be good and then I get hit with it later in the evening.

I was allowed to stop the progesterone suppositories and it was AWESOME. I do not miss them at all!!! 2 1/2 months on those and I am so thankful to have my vagina back to myself. :)

There's no hiding it anymore either.... I'm definitely showing:


After the NT scan and being reassured once again that everything is fine, the placenta is there and baby looks wonderful, I am finally really relaxing now and we even bought our crib yesterday!!!

We just went with a simple black crib with simple lines. Since this is most likely our last baby, we weren't interested in spending hundreds of dollars on it. But this one looks nice and got great reviews and several of my friends have it.
We'll be using the Wendy B Honey Bee bedding:


I found the perfect glider for it at BRU and I'm going to be stalking it to go on sale or looking for a coupon.

Still keeping the rest of my Buds in my prayers and hoping to see great news from everyone soon!

Starting to loosen up a little

I think I'm starting to finally relax and enjoy this pregnancy. I had a "peace of mind" appointment scheduled today where they were going to use the doppler to find the heartbeat and do an u/s if they weren't able to find it.

I canceled it this morning.

I've been finding the heartbeat pretty easily on my own with my doppler so I felt that it was a waste of time to go to that. I'll have my NT scan in 10 days and I can be patient and wait for an u/s then.

I went shopping and bought a good $400 worth of maternity clothes and I love love love feeling fashionable and cute. I'm showing and it's adorable.

Baby has a nice strong heartbeat in the 170's.

I'm torn on finding out the gender. I just don't know what I want to do. Part of me wants it to be a surprise. The other part knows this could be our last baby and I want to go all out decorating the nursery.

I'm leaning towards girl. Every instinct inside me screams it's a girl.

Morning sickness is still around and kicking my butt most days but I finally filled the Zofran script the OB gave me and that does help a little bit. My good days are getting more and more so I have more energy and desire to get out of bed.

It's nice to finally let go of a little bit of the fear and anxiety and loosen up and start enjoying this pregnancy I worked so hard for.

Almost in the double digits

Holy cow, this is flying by! I'm almost 10 weeks. Crazy.

Everything has been good so far. Baby has been measuring on time and with a very healthy heartbeat in the 170's. Morning sickness has been a beast but a combo of Zofran, Pepcid and B6 has kind of been helping. Not enough that I'm not still besties with the toilet some days.

I graduated from the RE and I love my OBGYN office so far. That's always awesome to have a great relationship with the person delivering your child. :)

I go back in about a week and a half for ultrasound #4 to calm anxiety and fears and then at 12 weeks is the NT test already!

I still have a lot of nightmares that something is wrong and it's been really hard to just relax and enjoy the pregnancy I worked so hard to get. I'm hoping that second tri brings enough assurance that I can finally accept and relax.

Keeping all of you Buds in my thoughts and prayers, especially those who are struggling right now.

Why can't I stop?

Seriously, I POAS a little while ago. I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I have no business POAS. But the week and a half between appointments to see the heartbeat has me in a total panic today.

The line isn't getting any darker. Granted, it's darker than the control line. A lot. But I thought maybe by now, the control line would have disappeared entirely.

I'm a total freak, I know. But I'm still having a hard time accepting this as real. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have horrible dreams every night about something bad happening and I tp check every time I go to the bathroom.

I really want to relax and enjoy this pregnancy but I'm having such a hard time doing so.

Never thought this day would come...

We have a beautiful gestational sac and yolk sac!! Measuring 2 days ahead. 5w5d.

Absolutely THRILLED!!!!

They said everything looked wonderful so far!

We go back on the 9th to see the heartbeat. I can't wait!!!

Exhale...

Now I can breathe. All week, I've held my breath worrying and waiting for the 3rd beta.

3, 456.

Doubling time of just shy of 24 hours.

In my nurse's words, "you can breathe now."

I promised to stop testing. Promised to try to stop worrying. Promised to start just enjoying what we've worked so hard to achieve.

I'm pregnant.

I'm going to be a mother again.

I have one hell of a beta.

First ultrasound is Tuesday morning.

I have SO much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

The craziest thing though? It's been almost 2 years of tears, depression, crying, despair, struggle and almost giving up. And now that we're finally at this point.... those 2 years don't feel quite so long anymore. I had no idea it could feel like this. All that hurt and anguish and bitter just melted away and is replaced by joy and complete and utter awe.

My prayers are with each and every one of my fellow Buds who are struggling right now. Hurting. Feeling that anguish and despair. That makes this so bittersweet for me. I want each of you to be feeling this. And I can't wait until the day that you do. A day that I know will come. You are not alone. And you are supported and loved.

Put the tests down!!!

Because I still refuse to believe this is real and I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, I've been testing.... and testing.... and testing.

But I think once you reach the point where your test line is darker than your control line... it's time to stop. This one is from a few days ago.... the one I did tonight the control line is barely visible.


I also did one of those Clear Blue digital tests that have the Conception Indicator tonight. It said 3+ on it which = 5 weeks.

Hoping that means I'm going to have a really super great incredible beta number tomorrow!!!

So far, I'm not feeling much. For a bit there I was wondering if I was imagining the tests! But today I woke up with a twinge of morning sickness which proceeded to get worse throughout the day, peaking this evening. Once I ate, I felt much better. I'm also just tired. Very very very tired.

I've had horrible dreams of waking up bleeding and miscarrying. I just need to get passed those first couple ultrasounds so I can feel better about this.

Mr. Sunflower Bud is 100% convinced that it's twins. I'm leaning towards singleton.

We did make a deal though.... twins = we'll find out the gender... singleton = gender is a surprise!

And we have doubling!

I had to go in for a repeat beta today, only 24 hours later because we're leaving for vacation tomorrow. They weren't expecting much, just hoping for a rise.

Well, we got a rise.

25!! A little over double in 24 hours!!! Squeeeeeee!!!

I POAS again this afternoon and my line was even darker. There was definitely no squinting needed at all.

Symptoms so far are some nausea, fatique, lots of cramps and serious gas. But I am so incredibly thankful for each and every one of those!!!