And our donor egg cycle continues...

Lots of good news to report! I had my estrogen check last Friday--it was 168! They were looking for anything over 50. My ovaries might suck but my uterus rules!

The more exciting news is that today is my donor's 5th day of stimulation meds. My donor coordinator called me with an update--our donor had 11 measurable follicles and 45 more growing. Those numbers are so big I can barely add them! Granted they may not all be mature at the time of her retrieval (estimated next Monday or Tuesday) but still, those are great numbers. I am very hopeful!

I go in Friday for another estrogen check and an ultrasound to measure my lining. Friday is our donor's day 8 appointment as well, so I'll have another update on her follicle count. She should be triggering Friday or Saturday. Holy cow!

Til Friday - wish us luck!
Golden Bud

And the hits just keep on coming

I just got back from our CD3 baselining appointment with the RE. Not great.

My lining is a 6, which she said is good for CD3.

But...

She found 2 small cysts on my left ovary that she's not "too" concerned about right now. And 1 large cyst on my right ovary that she said is borderline the size where they prefer not to medicate for that cycle. She said from the shape of it, she believes it's the cyst that ruptured but it's still there.

She also found another fibroid. She said this one is smaller and is in the muscle under my lining but it was very clear to her as soon as she was in there. They are going to monitor it and see what it does but won't worry about it too much right now.

Sooooo. We are waiting for the bloodwork to come back this afternoon with my hormone levels to evaluate the cysts. They are going to decide what to do this cycle when those results come back. If they aren't good, we will have to do birth control pills for 2 weeks to try to shrink the cysts, definitely no Clomid and put the IUI off until next cycle.

If the bloodwork is fine and the RE feels confident going forward (he understands we are self pay and want optimal conditions for the IUI) with the IUI, then they will discuss the HCG shot and send over a prescription for it to the pharmacy. She already gave me the Clomid script for 100mg and an antibiotic prescription for myself and DH.

Sigh. I feel like it's just one obstacle after another.

I Don't Even Recognize Myself: AKA Monitoring Update #2.6

I'm not going to hem and haw and try to be all literary with this blog post. I'm just going to stick to the facts. And the fact is I'M A FREAKIN' ROCKSTAR!!!

Jem is truly truly truly outrageous!

My E2 yesterday was 1130. I never even got that high last time AFTER trigger. I bet I get to 2k after trigger this time. My highest E2 last cycle was between 1000 and 1100. This is CRAZY!! My lining is 17 and trilaminar. Like i've said - my lining doesn't seem to be my problem. At all.

Measurements... check out these babies!!!!

• left ovary: 23x17, 18x17, 19x16, 17x14, 25x16, 19x17, 18x15, 19x19
• right ovary: 19x17, 19x17, 20x16, 19x16, 23x14, 18x13, 19x18

Dr Z thinks we're going to get 12 mature eggs at retrieval!!! Oh, and speaking of retrieval; it's going to be Wednesday. I'm triggering tonight!

So, now I'm just waiting for the call. Sometime this afternoon, Nurse F will call me with the details for my trigger and retrieval. The trigger has to be given at an EXACT time. I was able to find someone to work for me tonight, so I can leave at 7pm and be home by 7:30pm. Hopefully, trigger will be after that, but i'll take it to work with me, just in case. One of the nurses has done IVF, and she knows that i'm cycling. I'm sure if I need her to, she can trigger me.

Is it weird that I'd rather have Mr DB do it, instead of a trained nurse?

Who cares... I can't believe it's happening!! And I can't believe my ovaries are working! It took maximum doses for 10 1/2 days... but it's working!!!

photo credit

Trigger is tonight!!

Exceeding Expectations: AKA Monitoring Update #2.5

The first thing that came out of my mouth when I saw the 22mm follicle:

"Holy Sh*t".

Dr B didn't really hear me - but later he asked me what I said and I told him. He laughed.

I like Dr B.

In other news, I'm still an egg machine. Follicle sizes for this morning are as follows:
right ovary: 17x14, 16x11, 16x14, 18x14, 18x16, 16x15 and 4 small
left ovary: 17x16, 19x16, 16x11, 18x16, 22x14, 18x10, 18x17 and a couple small

Dr B also said my lining looks great at 16tri. It's good that I have ONE thing going for me... my lining doesn't seem to be my problem at all.

My E2 yesterday was 899. I was hoping for something near 1000, so 899 is pretty darn close. And Dr B said that at this point, they're actually shooting for 800, so i'm exceeding their expectations now.

I like exceeding expectations.

So, it looks like I'll trigger tomorrow and be set for ER wednesday.

March came in like a lion - let's see if it can go out with a baby....

Monitoring update #2.2

Wait – what is this bizarre emotion I’m feeling?

Is it possible that it’s…

I never updated the blog on tuesday after my first monitoring appointment, but somewhere around 3pm, I got a call from Dr Z’s office that my estrogen level (E₂) was 143! Comparatively speaking, at the first monitoring appointment last cycle, my estrogen was 52. Um, can you say significantly improved?

But what I really want to talk about is that this morning, I left my REs office without something to be concerned about for the first time since the beginning of my last uber failed IVF cycle. My E₂ HAD to be good, bunches of measuring follicles, uterine blood gone (without any bleeding, but who cares - it probably went out my tubes) and my lining is 9mm and trilaminar.

Check me out, all responding and crap. Who’d ‘ave thunk it?

I can’t remember the last time I felt this positive.

And then to find out this feeling could get better.

At 10:30 this morning, I got the call from Dr Z’s office. My E2 this morning was 480 on day 7 of stims. Comparatively speaking… last cycle on day 7 it was 80.

YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Ganirelix is most likely going to start tomorrow (my lead follicle is 13 today - and they like to start at 14).

I'm getting fairly bloated, and I love it!

Monitoring update #2.1

So, i'm back from monitoring #1.

I have one measurable follicle on the left at 10x10mm with 6 small and on the right I have 12 small.

Size wise that's about par from where I was last cycle at this time, but i have more follicles this time.

Other monitoring news is that my lining is 5mm, but it IS trilaminar, which helps me hope that my estrogen is a little higher than it was last time at this point of my cycle, since last time I didn't get trilaminar until stims day 9.

The bad: i mentioned that I had bright red spotting last night - and when vagivision started up, Dr B (Dr Z's associate) saw blood in my uterus.

He said it's probably from the BCPs still, and that he has seen this plenty of times before... it will most likely resolve and not cause a problem. Worst case, they would take me to ER and freeze, because they wouldn't be able to transfer if I'm still bleeding.

Except - the odds of me having embryos with enough quality to make it to freeze is slim to none.

So, now i'm scared again. I'm responding to the meds - YAY ... but what the heck should I make of this freakin bleeding.

I feel like my body is doing everything it can to NOT get pregnant. All I know is I can't take much more of this.

And I'm SO tired of bleeding.

Starting from the finish line

When Dr Z says we're not starting slow, he means we're NOT starting slow.

I just got home from my suppression check where I had my first official cycle vagcam/follicle check and blood draw. I also got my medication instructions for the next 4 days.

Vagcam/Follicle Check: All is well at this point. Lining is 6mm, homozygous and I have 12 antral follicles. Thats up from 10-11 at my vagcam 2 weeks ago, so I'll take it. Also, the bleeding has S-L-O-W-E-D down... it's still red, but I'm barely spotting at this point, so that makes me happy. If today is my last spotting day, i'll be thrilled. That would make 34 days bleeding all together. I'll be happy to stow the tampax - finally.

Blood draw: shockingly, they're checking my beta level. I laughed when Dr S (the embryologist that drew my blood this AM) told me that they were checking that in addition to my E2 level. Can you imagine if I were pregnant? Ridiculous thinking. But, they have to make sure. I know.

Instructions for the next 4 days: HOLY MEDICATION BATMAN. Dr Z warned me we were starting strong. I'm at maximum doses... for now. That's 2 vials of menopur (which burns like a bitch) and 300 units of gonal-f every day. Tonight the gonal will be in all one dose. Starting tomorrow, the gonal will be in 2 injections daily. We'll see where things are on tuesday. When my follicles hit 14-15mm, they'll add in ganirelex, which will prevent my ovaries from ovulating on their own.

Anyway - there's my update for now. We're starting from the top.... but we're on our way.

IVF #2 starts now.

Having GREAT friends helps + follie check #1!

I had my first follie monitoring appointment this morning, but before I talk about that, can I just AW my dear dear Bud friends for a minute?! Chef Bud & Obsessive Bud. They are literally so.freakin.awesome. And let me tell you why....

First, Chef Bud - she is such a wonderful, sweet person. We met online on one of our favorite TTC message boards back in late June when Mr. Worry Bud & I started TTC. We have been there to root each other on through failed cycle, after failed cycle, but have both tried to remain positive & hopeful! Since we both started seeing RE's for our TTC issues around the same time, we kept in touch via email to support each other. I checked our mail this morning (forgot to last night...had to run to the grocery store to get some essentials before the crazy winter storm expected to hit our area in a few hours) & look what I got:

Lucky penguin Valentines socks, a very sweet card & a rose quartz heart shaped stone. The note with the rose quartz says "RQ represents love & fertility. It is said to help promote pregnancy & to protect the mother & unborn fetus from miscarriage."

Well, I sent a personal note to CB, but I just want to say publicly that you have no clue how much this gesture means to me. It brought tears to my eyes that someone I have never met IRL cares that much about me to put together something so special & send it to me. It makes me feel so good to know that I have such wonderful people out there thinking of me. My rose quartz heart & penguin socks will definitely be accompanying me to my monitoring & other appts. & procedures! Thank you again & again & again Chef Bud - you are truly a wonderful person, friend & are going to make a wonderful mother. I love you girl!

And then, there's Obessive Bud. She is an awesome friend & shortly after she joined the blog, we became close friends that talk pretty much everyday via text, phone or G-Chat. She has been so positive & has been a wonderful support system for me - cheering me on as I go! I just want to say thank you to you as well OB for always being there & for calming me down when I start freaking & WORRYing about everything I have going on. I love you too & you are an awesome friend. I can't wait to "meet" that precious LO you have growing big & strong inside you. I know that you will be an awesome momma!

And while I'm at it...to all the other Buds, followers, friends that have been thinking of us during our IVF cycle & have commented on my posts, leaving us well wishes & hope & prayers & love...I also want to say, again, to each of you: THANK YOU! It truly warms my heart to know how many other women out there care about my story & are thinking of me. Mr. WB & I want to express how much it means to us, but I honestly don't think I can put how much your support means into words. It has helped me to remain positive, upbeat & hopeful about this cycle! I consider each of you my virtual friends & just want you to know that I think about & pray for each you every day & night as well!

***********************

Okay, sorry for the long prelude to this post, but I felt like I needed to express how much everyone's support has meant & continues to mean to me everyday! So, IDK how many of you live on the east coast, but we are expecting a huge winter storm today - many meteorologists are predicting that this could be one of the worst we have had in nearly 10 years! I mean the one in December dropped almost 2 feet of snow & this is supposed to be worse...eeek! Both that December storm & this one are predicted to be in the top 10 worse winter storms for this area! This photo shows the snow on my back deck form December - it was a lot!

Anyways, I say all this to describe my RE office visit this morning. I went in for my first follie monitoring appointment this morning & it was PACKED at my RE's office. I found out that they moved all of their Saturday monitoring appointments to this morning to avoid the craziness that is sure to take over my area in just a few short hours. Despite the office being a bit more packed than usual, I still got in & out in about 30 min. I got my blood drawn (only 1 vial again!), then emptied my bladder & walked back to the ultrasound waiting area. Once I was called in, my RE checked out my lining & ovaries with the "vag cam". He said my lining was getting thicker, just like it should & then he checked out both ovaries after 3 days of stimming with Gonal-F & Menopur. On my left ovary, he said he observed "12 less than 10mm" & on the right I have "10 less than 10mm". He said I appear to be right on track & that after they get my blood results back, then my nurse will give me call with directions on either adjusting or keeping my meds dosages the same. I asked if it started getting bad outside would they possibly not call with directions & they said they'd make every single call before leaving for the night! I love my RE's office staff - everyone is so nice from the financial coordinator - to the girl who draws blood - to all the nurses - and especially my RE. He's a great man & I have have such respect for him & confidence in him that he is doing anything he can to help us get pregnant. It definitely helps me stay positive when I feel so confident in the staff working with us!

While waiting to be called in for my u/s, I got a chance to chat with several other women cycling right now, one was doing an IUI, a couple doing frozen cycles, and one other doing fresh. It always makes me feel better to talk with someone else in a similar situation, or who has gone through the same thing I am going through now. We talked about how everything was going so far. I asked them if any of them were using Menopur & a couple had - we talked about how much that shot stings! It's hard to describe, but the best thing I can think of is that it feels kind of like fire being shot inside of you. Nothing I can't handle, but it definitely doesn't feel that great! So far, that has been the most difficult shot for me. Despite that, I am still remaining positive & hopeful and feeling pretty good so far! I do feel a bit uncomfortable in my ovaries b/c they are getting bigger with all the follies, but that was something I expected to feel, so again, nothing I can't handle! So, that's my update - sorry for such a LONG post, but I had so much to say! Thanks as always for continuing to pray for & think of us...I think about all of you everyday too!

And if you are in the storm area, stay safe this weekend! It just started coming down here!

Trying to stay positive

I am on CD 10, and I am having a hard time feeling positive this month. I know I need to do just that but it's so hard! I am finished with my femara for this month, and started my estrogen patches today. My midmonth follicle/lining check is on Thursday, and ever since we decided to do an IUI this month I just feel like there is so much more at stake. I just want everything to look good so we at least have the chance to try the IUI. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next three days, but while I wait I will have everything crossed and will be praying 24/7 that we get good news on Thursday!

The whole "be positive" thing is really hard

AF arrived yesterday. While I was expecting it since I had tested and gotten a BFN, it still really stinks to have officially moved on to cycle 11. If I would have gotten pregnant in one of our first couple of cycles I would be due in the next few weeks. That is crazy to think about. I had a major meltdown last night when Mr. CB and I got in to bed, and he was so comforting and understanding. I am trying to be positive but it is so difficult when you are starting over again with a new cycle.

Mr. Chef Bud and I had a long talk the other day about our next steps. I was leaning towards moving to IUI this next cycle, but instead we've decided to do one more cycle like we've been doing. He thinks that since my lining improved last month that we should see if one more month will make it even thicker. I also spent a small fortune on POM juice, which is supposed to help thicken the lining (ok, it was only $20, but that's a lot for 12 cups of juice!).

Photo Credit

My baseline sono is tomorrow and I'll confirm with my nurse what our plan will be for this cycle. Then Wednesday our holiday travels begin! We're starting with Christmas Eve dinner with Mr. CB's family in Palm Coast, FL then we're driving to Charlotte to spend Christmas with my entire family (23 aunts, uncles, cousins, granddad, brother and parents!). Then we're spending New Year's in Orlando with my closest girlfriends and their husbands, and throwing a NYE bash. My silver lining this month...I will be able to enjoy wine with my family at Christmas, and cocktails at our New Year's Eve party. Also, my mid-cycle check will be around January 4, and since I'll be traveling for the next week and a half the time should fly by and before I know it I'll be back in the 2WW!

I won't be back in town until 2010, so I hope all the Bloomin' Babies readers have a wonderful holiday!

holy crap

I really don't have a more appropriate title for this blog entry.

After all of the roller coaster emotions of the past week - thoughts of being canceled, thoughts of having diminished reserve - I can't believe I was just told what I was told at the RE's office this morning.

I'm triggering tonight.

My lining went from 14 to 16mm overnight! This photo shows what a trilaminar pattern looks like:

photo credit

These are my follicle sizes from the last three visits:

• Monday: 16, 15, 13, 13, 13, 11 (Dr Z only counts the ones above 10)
  
• Wednesday: 19, 18, 15, 14, 14, 13 (6 small - meaning under 10; Dr B counts everything)
• Today: 22, 22, 20, 18, 18, 17, 15, 14, 10

photo credit

Yep - you read that right... 5 mature follicles!!!!!!! And with the way things have been going, I wouldn't be surprised if the 17 and 15 caught up by saturday.

I found this cool website that explains mature follicle sizes (remember, i'm on Gonal-F) and what happens after trigger:

• How big should my lead follicle be before I take my HCG shot?
  

A lead follicle should be at least 16 mm on an hMG like Pergonal, it should be at least 18 mm on a recombinant FSH like Gonal-F, and should be about 22 mm on Clomid. Occasionally Gonal-F can produce mature eggs in smaller follicles, in which case other measurements such as E2 and progesterone should be used to indicate maturity. (The difference in ideal size is due to the difference in mechanisms by which the medications work. For example, the mechanism by which Clomid works often takes a bit longer because it is indirect. Therefore, the follicle has more time to grow before the egg is actually mature).

• How much do follicles grow each day?
  

Follicles grow 1 to 2 mm a day both while taking ovulatory stimulants and after the HCG shot.

• Will smaller follicles "catch up" in time to release eggs?
  

Follicles generally need to be at least 15-16 mm to contain fertilizable eggs (although it is possible in rare cases for follicles to be as small as 14 mm and still contain fertilizable eggs). If the smaller follicles are close in size to the lead, they may "catch up" and release. HCG will usually result in most mature follicles releasing eggs. Otherwise, most likely only the lead follicle will ovulate.

I'm starting to think that sometimes Dr. Z is just TOO cautious. Like last week when he said, "i'm not worried YET". Today he said that tomorrow morning when I go in for blood work (they measure my estrogen again and my HCG levels, to make sure i've gotten enough of the trigger) he wants to see my estrogen go up, stay the same, or not drop more than 20%. He said if it drops more than 20% it's indicative of immature eggs that won't fertilize. I asked him if he expects that to happen. He said, "It shouldn't". Why couldn't he just say "no".

But it's not going to happen. Not with all of these follicles. Not after everything i've been through.

We're triggering tonight.

Retrieval is saturday.

Holy crap.

RE isn't throwing in the towel. Yet.

The bottom line is I'm not responding like he thought i would. There's one reason for that. Despite my stellar blood work, we now know that I have diminished ovarian reserve, at the ripe old age of 34.

I've been crying since we left Dr Z's office.

Today's update:
My estrogen went up yesterday. Thankfully. From 52 to 80. Still nowhere near where he wants it to be. However, there are positive signs. My lining is increased to 9mm and it's trilaminar now (the three layers). That is estrogen driven. So, hopefully, my estrogen today is WELL on it's way to where it needs to be.

On my left ovary, i have 4 measuring follicles: 13x12, 13x12, 14x11, and 10x11.
On the right ovary, i have 5 measuring follicles: 11x11, 8x8, 11x8, 10x8, and 10x6.

The others have stopped growing. I am on stims day 9. He said he's not likely to increase my meds at this point, because more might have adverse effects. I'm currently on Gonal-F 300 units (divided) and Menopur 2 vials. Last night I felt some cramping, and i'm definitely bloated. I am SO hoping that my estrogen is up this morning. I'm anxiously waiting for that phone call. (Since i'm crazy and asked him to call even if they aren't changing my doses... i need to know my E2).

He said the estrogen needs to be 500 to trigger and he would like to see at least 2 follicles measuring 18mm.

Perfect bloodwork. Diminshed Ovarian Reserve.

Dr Z said that he isn't worried, and there's still a good chance. Mr. DB agrees 100% with Dr Z.

The hormonally induced blubbering mess that is me is just trying to get through this day. Come on ovaries. You're only 34 years old. I've never asked anything of you in my life. PLEASE. Start responding to the meds.

Please pray for us.

Update: Follie Check #1

I had my first follicle check this morning.

My lining is at 5mm and is still homogeneous. I was concerned about this, because at my suppression check it was 7mm. I didn't understand why it would get thinner. The RE that did my US this morning (not Dr Z but his associate Dr B) said that since I still had my period at my US and spotted for another 2 days following, that my lining would get smaller because of that and it will likely start growing from here. I'm very comfortable with his explanation, but I'm going to start drinking my pomegranate (pom) juice anyway, to try to fluff up my lining.

My follicles seemed good too... on the right, I had 5 small follicles, unsized, with a lead follicle at 11mm and another at 10mm. On the left I had 5 small follicles. Dr B said that it is okay for now and that today's visit was mostly to make sure I wasn't moving too fast. I also had blood checked today for my estrogen levels (E2).

Well - my follicles might have looked okay for a first US, but we're guessing that my E2 was in the tank. I got the call around 3:30pm.

They're stopping the lupron (the suppressant) and DOUBLING my menopur and gonal-f (the stims). So, of course, I was concerned that they think i'm over suppressed now. However, the great ladies on the infertility forum convinced me that everything is going to be okay - it's probably a reaction to my low E2 (which will rise as my follicles get bigger). The ladies say I probably just need a jump start to get the party started.

So, now my protocol is, 150 units of Gonal-F in the mornings and at night 150 units of Gonal-F and 2 vials of Menopur.

My next US and E2 check will be saturday morning at 7am.

Until then, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.... follicle wishes and thick lining dreams.