I want a baby...

So bad it hurts. It seems like it's a dull ache in my stomach on a daily basis. I'm ready to TTC. I'm ready to be a mom. I've stopped badgering Mr. Snow Bud about it constantly, and I know that he thinks that I've somewhat "put it on the back burner". Nope. Some people make lists of things to do during their 2WW... I've decided to make a list of things to do while dreaming of baby. Maybe it will help someone else out there as well?

1. Organize my house.

2. Make healthy eating choices

3. Read a book a week

4. Enjoy preTTC babymaking time... It's not about anything else right now!

5. Go out with friends

6. Deep clean the kitchen

7. Clean up the yard for winter

8. Travel a little- take weekend trips without worrying about a baby.

9. Clean out my closet

10. Improve on my photography

11. Bake

12. Make a 101 in 1001

13. Blog more

14. Study for my massage national

15. Be spontaneous (we all know that won't be as easy once I'm a mom!)

..... For now, these things keep me busy! Hopefully you find something to keep you busy in your TTA/TTC journey!

Until next time,

Baby-making-moon!

Last I left off, I believe we had finally bought a second car. Yay!! That was part of our cross off-to do-need to get done before baby list.

Now it's just to keep plugging away and saving money.

Which, I DO fully intend on doing. Until it comes to our baby-making-moon.

Mr. Snow Bud actually came up with this one, he's so great. We were thinking about taking a small little trip somewhere, leaving the dogs with a sitter, getting in our car and taking off for a weekend. This would all be sometime this summer, I believe. He suggests that it would be a perfect time to start TTC, we would both be relaxed, happy, out of our normal hustle and bustle element. I think I fell in love with him all over again.

So, we narrowed it down to getting away for a weekend in Seaside, FL or renting a home in the Georgia mountains. The mountains sound amazing, and we could tuck ourselves away and not have to worry about people, traffic, civilization. On the other hand, we went to Seaside this past weekend for my birthday and both fell in love.

Either way, I'm now dreaming of my baby-making-moon.

Georgia Mountains

Seaside, FL

Until next time,

A new ride!

So, one of the things that Mr. Snow Bud and I wanted to accomplish before TTC again was to have two cars. We sold his motorcycle a few weeks ago, and we were going to wait until we had put more money into savings to buy a second car. That was until we only had one mode of transportation. Yikes!! For anyone out there who shares a car with their significant other, I commend you. We just couldn't do it. So, Mr. Snow Bud and I hit the car lots last week. We test drove tons of cars it seemed. Since we already have an SUV, we wanted just a 4 door car. We drove Mazda's, Toyota's, Honda's, Volkswagen's, oy. Mr. Snow Bud hated the Mazda 6, I loved it. Mr. Snow Bud loved the Honda Accord, I hated it.

So, when we both climbed into a brand spankin new Honda Civic Hybrid, we both fell in love.

It was between that, and a VW Passat. Volkswagen would not come down at all on a price for their Passat (they had it marked $2500 more than it was worth!), so we went for the Hybrid. I think we ended up with a pretty good deal. We bought it for about $1000 below invoice, as it was their last 2009 Civic on the lot and they wanted to get rid of it below the New Year.

Anyway, so that was our Merry Christmas present. Also, one step closer to TTC. The only bummer is that we took our spring Alaska trip savings to use as a down payment for the car, so we ended up canceling our trip home for now. At least the airlines were kind enough to give us all our miles back without any sort of fee. Sometimes being responsible is hard :] BUT, we love our new car and it's 45+ miles per gallon!!

Until next time,

Finally getting somewhere!

Alright. So I had a mini-meltdown yesterday.

I don't know if it's because everyone and their mom seems to be pregnant around me, or if I keep getting the "So, are you pregnant yet?" questions, or if it's simply for the fact that I have baby rabies.

I finally cracked to Mr. Snow Bud, and told him that we are taking all the right steps financially, we are doing great, much better than we expected. We are saving, we are financially stable, we are OKAY. We talk about getting pregnant daily, babies are a daily passing conversation. I'm ready. I've been ready. Nothing has changed for me, I want a baby.

Of course, I said this all through tears and was a big sniffling mess. I received the hugs, and he even tried to cheer me up by offering to go get chinese food and watch girl movies all night. He didn't say much otherwise.

.... Until this morning. He said that he stayed up last night thinking about what I had said, and this morning thought about it, and decided that he may be able to get on board with a St. Patrick's day continuation of TTC date. He said that at that point, we will be able to see if we are still in fact on track, doing well, and gives us both a date to look forward to.

YAY!!

Let's hope this isn't how our St. Patty's goes this year...

Until next time,

I'm getting incessant

... About babies, that is.

Mr. SnowBud pointed out to me this afternoon that I ask him DAILY if it's our time yet.

I don't see how that could get annoying, do you?

I really don't mean to, and don't even really notice it. I do know that I've always been like that, blame my spoiled childhood if you will. I am an incessant person when it comes to something I want. I'm not sure why, but I hope that it's a somewhat lovable characteristic.

Not much to report on the TTA front. It was just so hard getting into the swing of charting this month, we were out of town, a few times my phone (alarm) died in the night so I didn't temp, and now I figure that since I know that I O'd, there isn't a major point to temping right now anyway. I'm feeling a little blah about the whole thing.

I hope everyone is getting finished with their Christmas shopping today I wrapped all of my gifts and they are now under the tree, waiting to be mailed out!

Stay warm everyone!

Until next time

My apologies...

For being away for so long!

I truly hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. For the first time in my life, my Thanksgiving was celebrated at Mr. Snow Bud's family friend's home, instead of my own families. I will admit, there were a few points during dinner that I wanted to burst into tears, I was so homesick. All in all, it was a good time though. I was able to see snow, which made my heart happy!

We drove to Ohio (14 hours) to see Mr. Snow Bud's mom, he hadn't seen her in 4 years! It was so nice to FINALLY meet her. They have a somewhat distant relationship, but she was such a sweet lady.

We are still TTA. We talked to a financial advisor last week, who said that in his mind, we are doing great. He thought we had smart investments, a good amount in savings, his only advice/critique of our finances was that it seemed that we spent a lot of money on "stupid" stuff. His suggestion? Allot a certain amount of spending money each week, take that exact amount from the checking account in the form of cash, and only spend cash. He said that lots of people get in over their heads because it is very easy to swipe a debit card. So, we are going ahead with that plan. It's amazing how fast your money goes when you are holding it! There are still a few little things he suggested before trying for a baby, and we are going to dutifully follow his advice.

I hope everyone is staying warm during the holidays!

Until next time,

Not Much To Report!

Well, it's very odd going from full blown TTC to TTA. Your life becomes so non-consumed with things that were previously so important to you.

I noticed that I haven't been to FF in a week or two, I haven't thought about AF coming, or whether or not I should have a drink, or whether or not I remembered my B6. I tell you, it's all so boring!

We are still on track to continue TTC in a few months, and that's okay. Mr. Snow Bud and I talk about having babies constantly, although I think he's trying to get out of the mentality more so than I am. He just keeps saying that our time will come. He's right.

I'm currently waiting for AF to show up, once she does, I am going to TTA with charting. I don't think charting will be QUITE as fun knowing that I'm not TTC, but it will be good to figure out my body and know it inside and out when our time comes.

So, I suppose back to my somewhat normal before TTC life, a lot of that revolves around school. I graduate December 5 from massage therapy school, I cannot wait.

Until next time,

Putting It On Hold

Well, we decided to put TTC on hold for now. We are going in to talk to a financial advisor on November 24th, and will see what they think. We are not destitute, and we aren't over extended, but Mr. Snow Bud is not completely comfortable with our financial situation, mainly the hit to our savings, to TTC right now. We have decided to put it on hold for at least 6 months. As of February 2011, Mr. Snow Bud will be re-enlisting into the military, where we will get a nice sized bonus to pad our savings, so that is our "final resort" if our savings aren't where we want them to be by then. I have complete faith that we will build it back much sooner than that, but it's nice to know that at the very least, I won't have to wait any later than June 2010.

Anyway, I'm really trying not to think about it. I was at a get together with families for Mr. Snow Bud's work this last Friday, and two of the wives just had babies. It just about made my heart drop, I think I really had to work on fighting back tears. It's hard.

Mr. Snow Bud and I decided that I won't go back on birth control, as I want my period as regulated as possible, so will be charting until then. I figure if anything, you can now keep up with me TTA for now!

Thanks so much for all the support I've received, I truly appreciate it!

Until next time,

Disappointed to say the very least.

So, in my last post, I mentioned that Mr. Snow Bud was sick, and that BD'ing during O would probably not happen... To say the least.

Yesterday Mr. Snow Bud received an email at work, basically stating that they have been overpaying him, and we now have to pay them back a few thousand dollars. They are the military, so apparently YES they can do this.

One of our goals to meet before TTC was to have X amount of dollars in our savings account. We pinched and saved and cut back on luxuries, and finally met that goal. Until yesterday.

Mr. Snow Bud came to me last night, asking if we should think about putting TTC on hold, until we are once again where we want to be with our savings account.

I understand what he's saying, I really do. In order to put that money into savings in the first place, we cut back on a lot of "fun" things. I rarely go shopping, he rarely goes out with the guys, we don't do coffee every morning, we order in more vs. going out because it's cheaper, etc. It wasn't easy. We were talking last night, saying how a part of feels as though we don't think about ourselves selfishly anymore, we don't decide to buy that new shirt, or to go out to lunch with friends, because we have less money. We are a single income family, and saving money is not an easy task.

So, now we have to make the decision. Do we put TTC on hold, once again sit on ourselves until we have the money re-saved? I know it's only a matter of a few months, but it is SUCH a let down. Part of me doesn't care, part of me is screaming that we will be okay, that we DO have enough in savings, that because of Mr. Snow Buds career, we do have free health care, my pregnancy essentially will not cost us anything, that he is in no danger of losing his job, that we still have a good amount of money in savings, and that we will be FINE. The other part of me knows that as a financially responsible adult, we should probably wait, re-save, and start TTC again, later. I know that once you do have a child, if this sort of thing happens, you don't have as easy an opportunity to save money like we do now.

So, here I am. Super bummed, conflicted, annoying, heartbroken. Mr. Snow Bud called last week and made an appointment with a financial planner on base to talk more about retirement plans, but I think now I'll tag along and possibly have them look in from the outside, and find out what is feasible for us.

Needless to say, Cycle #4 is definitely not going to be my cycle.

One Sick Snow Bud

So, I believe I'm gearing up to O.

YAY, right?

I wish.

Mr. Snow Bud is getting sick. Not just a little sick, like super-duper, feels awful, falling asleep early after cold medicine sick.

So now here is the ultimate question. Does Mr. Snow bud suck it up and BD during O time anyway? Or does Mrs. Snow Bud (ME) accept that this just isn't our month, our timing is not right, and forcing BD'ing while sick would just be mean?

I really don't know at this point, I only think I'm gearing up to O due to the fact that I am breaking out, am getting irritated easily and am feeling bloaty. To me, these are all signs of O.

Not only that, but my dog is sick. Not just a little sick, but the type of sick in which our vet has told us that there is 30% death rate for this illness kind of sick. Doggie flu/pneumonia. My poor boys.

Cross your fingers for the Snow Bud family, please. Between sick Mr. Snow Bud, sick Doggie Snow Bud, and irritable Mrs. Snow Bud, it has NOT been a fun past few days.

Until Next Time,

Stress free is the way to be!

So, my last post I talked about the debate on whether or not to chart. I wasn't sure, I was going back and forth, and when the time came?

I took a break.

I cannot tell you how nice it's been for me. Mr. Snow Bud and I have been BD'ing because we want to, not because we think it's good timing. I have been sleeping better than I have the last few months, and it's SO wonderful. For this month, I feel as though I'm really going with the flow. To me, it would be the best way to conceive our child. I would love nothing more than to begin the journey to mommy-hood in a stress free body, with a clear mind and a patient heart.

I do need to say, because I think this is hilarious, that Mr. Snow Bud has been holding off on "releasing" anything during BD. He says he's saving it up for the positive OPK test day. Whatever Mr. Snow Bud, suit yourself! :]

I posted on my favorite TTC message board about taking a break. Some people advised me against it, some people said to go for it. Some people knew how stressed charting had made me and urged me to not chart this month. I do believe that to each their own, and I do think that I will pick charting back up next month, if we don't get our BFP this month.

Either way, I feel like letting out a big sigh of relief.

Whew.

Until next time,

In my hiding cave.

Well, AF officially showed up after about 3 days of spotting. She arrived Thursday and was not very nice about it.

I think because we really thought this could have been our month, I've been fairly reserved. I'm not visiting my favorite TTC message board as much, I'm trying not to think about TTC, I am not temping during AF. I need a break for a few days. Funny, I didn't have a heart sunk into my stomach sort of feeling when she arrived. It was more of a day, push it to the back of my head and move on feeling.

So, I really don't have much to report in terms of TTC. I told Mr. Snow Bud this morning that I am not sure I want to chart this next cycle. He doesn't understand it. I just know that this last month, even doing everything right, it still didn't work. I lost sleep so many nights during my 2WW, our BDing was so calculated, and we were referring to them as "business meetings", and because it was so planned and calculated, we barely BD'ed after O, I think we both needed a break after that monotony of it all.

So, now I have a day or two to decide if charting is right for me this next cycle. Yikes.

On a happier note, we took in a foster puppy on Thursday. He is a 6 month old Bulldog mix, and as cute as could be. If we didn't have the three already, I would adopt him in a heartbeat. I'll leave you with his adorable face.

Until next time,

When she's right around the corner....

So this morning, I can't decide what's worse. Could it be the actual arrival of AF, or a temp drop so low that you know she's arriving any minute?

Three days ago my temperature starting dropping, just a little. I almost wanted to blame it on the colder weather. Two days ago, it dropped a little more, but was still well above my coverline. Today? It plummeted. I know the inevitable is around the corner, and to me, that is more disheartening than her arrival.

So, I suppose that any minute, or hour I'll be saying something to the effect of "onto cycle #4!". For anyone TTC, whether they be in cycle #1, or cycle #12, you know the feeling. For me it's a, stay home in pajamas and curl up on the couch with a good book feeling. It's a wanting every single comfort in the world because I'm just THAT sad feeling. It's so frustrating knowing that you did everything right and the outcome was so wrong. Mr. Snow Bud and I are such "fixers". If there is a problem, we fix it. With this, there is no fixing. There isn't a single thing we could have done more, different, or less. It is sad, and it is frustrating, and it is a situation in which you just have to buckle down and continue on, head down and forward. Much like making your way through a blizzard.

I really do commend those who have gone through this much longer than myself. I find strength in the fact that I'm not the only one. I am comforted when I read stories of women TTC much longer than myself, and finally receiving their longed for BFP.

As for myself? Today sounds like a good day to curl up in pajamas on the couch, with the dogs laying all over me, reading a good book.

Until next time,

My two favorite couch buddies

Intro- Snow Bud!

Welcome to my story!

I'd like to introduce myself very quickly and involve you in my TTC journey. I'm Snow Bud- I'm a 20 something (and much like other ladies here) newlywed married to Mr. Snow Bud, a 20 something prince charming (well, on his good days!). Mr. Snow Bud is in the United States Air Force, and I am a currently a student in massage therapy school. We were married October 17, 2008 in my home state of Alaska. Three months and one dog later, we were packed and sent off to the sunny state of Florida! It's beautiful, but I miss my snow and mountains.

Mr. Snow Bud & Myself on our wedding day!

I kid you not, I have wanted to be a mom from day one. You have all sorts of people anymore who want their big careers, independence, experiences, etc. I absolutely think that's great for lots of people. Myself? I have always wanted the amazing husband, white picket fence, and to be a mom. I find that anymore, lots of people will look down on that choice, and believe me, I understand how old fashioned it may be. But, it's my ideal lifestyle.

A year ago, Mr. Snow Bud absolutely refused to have kids any time soon. He wanted to wait at least 5 years, and at that time assess our lifestyle and see if we were prepared. To him, kids were a lifetime sentence instead of a lifetime opportunity and miracle. When asked about kids, he could only rattle off reasons that he would not want kids for a long time. Believe me, it was hard. I spent so many nights wondering if he'd ever want kids. From the way that he talked about them, he was okay never being a dad. I was never going to be okay with not being a mom. There were tons of tears, tons of heart dropped into my stomach moments, and I finally let it go. I knew that when he was ready, if he was ever going to be ready, he'd let me know.

Lo and behold, he came to me only 8 months later, and let me know he was ready. He presented me with a card, and blue and pink baby booties telling me that he was ready. Mr. Snow Bud had done what he normally does, sorted it all out in his head, and approached me. I am so glad that I let him do this, and let him figure it out for himself (okay, I nudged a little, but not TOO much)! Today, he can only rattle off reasons as to why he wants a baby.

I hopped onto my favorite TTC message board, introduced myself, read TCOYF, started charting, and have learned so much! We are now on Cycle #3 of TTC. My first cycle charting I O'd on CD 22, my luteal phase was only 9 days long, and my cycle was 31 days long. Cycle #2 which included a daily dose of B6 and Green Tea supplements, I O'd on CD 19, my luteal phase was 11 days long, and my total cycle was 30 days long. Cycle #3, which is not over yet, I O'd on CD 14, and my cycle is at CD 25. I know it's just my body regulating. I am so glad that I started charting from day one, I love knowing what's happening inside of me.

So, one Mr. Snow Bud, three dogs, and a cute little house later, we are TTC our first little miracle. I am so excited to share my experience with you, relate to you and cheer everyone else on in their TTC journey.

Until next time,