5 weeks!!! <3

I can hardly believe it! 5 weeks! I know I still have a long way to go... But it's good to have already passed the dreaded stage of loss from last time, and feel like we're still going strong :) Even though the hospital had me at 5w5d, due to my long cycles and late O, at the time of MC, I was only 4w5d based on my O date (I have a 35 day cycle vs a 28).

Apparently, Baby is .10 of an inch and weighs next to nothing. He/she is about the size of a sesame seed! It's hard to believe that in the next few weeks, this tiny little being will start to take on all its human characteristics.

As far as symptoms, my breasts are sore, all the time. I am getting some heartburn, and have had moments when I am completely starving. I've also had to run to the bathroom for both #1 and #2, but lately #2 has had me a bit unhappy (slight diarrhea). Sorry if TMI. No other major symptoms just yet... Let's see what happens in the weeks to come :)

I am eating VERY healthy, cooking at home, using organic items and whole grains, etc. I am also keeping healthy snacks nearby and eating smaller meals more often.

I hope to finally make a decision about a practitioner today, so that I can call and make an appointment... It'll probably be within the next 3-5 weeks depending on the Dr.'s procedures.

Mr. DBud is beyond thrilled! He is being so sweet and helpful, and constantly asking how our little "Frijol" (bean) is. We are remaining cautiously optimistic... For now, all we can do is pray and stay positive :) I believe God will do the rest.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

My Miscarriage

I want to preface this post by saying that this IS NOT about my current pregnancy. It is about my first pregnancy, which occurred in November 2010. I purposely backdated this post (it's really May now) so that it would not appear on the front page of Bloomin' Babies and alarm people. I feel like it's important to get my story on here though for those going through similar, particularly since I referenced this blog when I was going through my loss, so here goes...


Please be warned that I am going to speak frankly, and sometimes graphically, about the experience. If either of those things bother you, please scroll on by this post. For those living through a miscarriage, knowing the nitty gritty details is important...and this post is for them.


I got my first BFP on November 9, 2010. For a few glorious days there were the first few signs of pregnancy. The slight nausea, super smell, exhaustion beyond words. That all changed around 2am on November 12.

I was woken up around 2am by excruciating cramps. They whipped around my right side, felt like they were following my abdominal muscle. The pain was so intense that it woke me from a dead sleep and had me crying out in pain. The cramps moved like lightning. There were two or three waves of them, then they disappeared. I never felt another pregnancy symptom after that moment. Not one.

The next morning I felt totally normal...which made me really uneasy since I'd been exhausted in days prior. Around noon, the spotting started. At first it was brownish red, by bedtime it was pink. When I woke up that morning, there was absolutely no question what was happening. Bright red blood. Lots of it. This was on November 13th, a Saturday. Since it was a weekend and we had company in town, I wasn't able to get to the doctor until Monday morning. I knew there was nothing they could do to save the pregnancy at that point, so I didn't feel it was urgent for me to get checked out. Nature was taking its course.

On Monday the 15th, I was able to reach my doctor and they got me in as soon as they could. By that time I was passing clots in addition to the heavy bleeding. Cramping was present as well, though it was never horrible, moderate mostly. There was tissue passing as well, including **graphic warning** the embryo. I'd never heard nor read that they embryo would be recognizable at the gestation I was (5w1d). It passed completely intact within its amniotic sac. That was the single image of the whole miscarriage that was burned into my brain. It literally looked like the 5 week image from the Pregnology website (www.pregnology.com), except with the sac. All told, it was about the size of a ping pong ball.

At my appointment on Monday, the doctors office was awesome. I didn't realize this until I went in for my current BFP, but they got me in immediately (so I didn't have to sit amongst the visibly pregnant ladies) and brought me in to a neutral exam room (as opposed to the one with Tinkerbell stickers in it I went into for this BFP). They asked me to describe what I'd experienced and I could tell by the look on the doctors face that my thought of miscarriage was right...especially when I described the embryo. She did a pelvic exam and confirmed an open cervix & heavy bleeding. The diagnosis given was "partial spontaneous abortion". (Don't even get me started on how awful it is to have the word 'abortion' given to you when you are having a miscarriage...) She said the 'partial' part was because it was still ongoing. She gave me paperwork to get an ultrasound done to confirm the progress of the miscarriage a few days later. They needed to make sure all of the "products of conception" got out so that there were not further problems down the road.

The ultrasound a couple of days later was not AT ALL like I'd imagined my first ultrasound would be. For starters, I kicked things off by warning the tech that things were a bloody mess down there when he asked me to get into the johnny. I have no idea how I held myself together in that ultrasound room. I think being a scientist helped...I found it fascinating that he could tell what was my ovaries, see the fallopian tubes, even see the bleeding. Physically there was some discomfort, particularly when the vagcam bumped the cervix. As it turned out, I was experiencing the best case scenario for a miscarriage. I completely fell apart when I got out to the car.

The doctor saw me again a couple of days later and confirmed that I'd now experienced a "Complete Spontaneous Abortion". My bleeding lasted 7 days total, with the worst happening in the first 3-4 days.

There were all sorts of aches that went with the miscarriage that caught be by surprise so I want to be sure to mention them. For a couple days in the thick of the miscarriage my cervix and uterus felt really irritated. For about a week after that, my ovaries just ached and ached.

My cycle returned exactly on time, 29 days later...though as charting post miscarriage would show, the ovulation date and length of my luteal phase changed post miscarriage (changes in your cycle are common, as it turns out). For the first couple of post-loss cycles, things were haywire physically. One month my boobs ached excruciatingly during the 2ww. Another month my ovulation pains were intense (I occasionally feel them, but never more than a twinge...this was waaay more than a twinge).

Emotionally during the whole miscarriage experience I just felt broken. When I got the BFP it felt like it was my job to protect this little life and I'd failed. I felt like I was apparently incapable of doing something that women have been able to do since the beginning of time. There was an incredible amount of fear that subsequent pregnancies would have the same ending and that this was the first sign that we would have a much more difficult road to having a family. I'd never realized until I was experiencing it how incredibly hard it is to go through even the earliest of miscarriages.

I realized that most likely there was something wrong with the baby from the moment of conception (~50% of all miscarriage prior to 6 weeks are due to chromosomal abnormalities rendering the baby incompatible with life). Thing is, hearing that there was probably something wrong with the baby and it was probably for the best wasn't comforting. My first thought when I was told that (and I'm being completely honest here) was, "Great, so you're telling me we can make little mutant babies..." Hearing that there was likely a chromosomal defect to my 34 year old eggs was far from a comfort.

One of the only things that really gave me comfort, was thinking of the people I know who had a loss of their own and had gone on to have one (or more) healthy babies. People like my friend K, who had a late 1st Tri loss and went on to have three kids. Or my friend S, who had a chemical pregnancy and at the time of my loss was 20 weeks pregnant (she's since delivered a little girl). Or my mother, who had a miscarriage just before she conceived my youngest brother. The hope that their stories gave me is why I'm sharing my story with you. I feel that its important to talk about pregnancy loss. Its important to remove the taboo. Its important for those going through it to know that they aren't alone, that this is (unfortunately) quite common...and most importantly that it is in no way their fault.

Beta's in!

It's been quite a week since my BFP.  For one thing, I had blood drawn 5 times in 2 weeks (4 in 1 week!)  (And we all know how much I love needles!)  I work 45 minutes away from where I live, and therefore from where all my doctors and labs are.  This caused some problems last week, when I had to get blood drawn 3 times, and have an appointment.  I felt like I was never at school!  It threw off my whole week, and I ended up having a bit of a meltdown on Thursday.  The kids and the hormones were making me crazy, and I had to have a little cry fest before I went back. 

In other news, I have my betas, and they're looking good! 

DPO	Beta	Doubling time from previous test
15	108	(none)
17	179	65.85 hrs
18	259	45.03 hrs
20	659	35.63 hrs

 I was a little worried, because they were low, and slow to double at first, but they've sped up, so that's good.  I have my 1st ultrasound next Thursday at 6w6d, so we'll see if we see a heat beat.  If we do, we are planning on telling our parents and siblings that weekend.  We're still going back and forth on whether or not to tell anyone else yet.  (You know, other than the 6 I've already told - but they all knew about our troubles trying to conceive.) 

Wish us luck at the ultrasound.  Hopefully I won't go crazy before then, and will get good news. 

Mind Games

Sometimes its a challenge to stay optimistic about this pregnancy. Its gotten easier since passing the 5 week 1 day milestone last weekend, but its still challenging at times. Today has been one of those times.

I have had almost no symptoms at all today. I'm trying to convince myself its normal, I'm only 5 weeks 5 days afterall. I've heard that this early its pretty common for symptoms to come and go. Still doesn't stop my mind from going THERE. I think its pretty common for newly pregnant women to worry when the symptoms aren't there. Its taken to a whole new level though when you've had complete lack of symptoms be a pretty notable indicator of a previous loss. Its almost like a flashback that plays in my mind on days like today.

I had a good wave of queasiness come over me just before dinner, so I'm doing a lot better now. Thankfully.

Today aside, I've overall been doing better than before meeting our milestone. I've actually caught myself looking forward to things months down the road. Things like figuring out how we're going to tell our families (just my BFF knows so far). Every day that passes, I'm getting a little more optimistic. I'm trying my best to enjoy every day that I'm pregnant. I know how lucky I am that this little bugger seems to be sticking, and I'm thankful for that each and every day.

Still no word from our insurance. I called the doctors office to check if they'd heard anything on Weds and they hadn't heard yet. I'd just like to hear the verdict so I can move forward one way or another. I'd really like to get the first ultrasound scheduled. In theory the heartbeat is supposed to be starting in the little embreyo anytime now. I'd just like some confirmation that it is, in fact, beating. I'm worried that if I don't get something scheduled soon, particularly at the military hospital if I have to go there (its HUGE), that I might have trouble getting in.

Symptom Update:
Aside from todays non-symptoms, I've pretty much had bloat. The Girls have gotten a little more under control...which is odd...didn't really think they'd go back down. I've had bits of what I guess is supposed to be morning sickness. Thing is that I seem to get it in the evenings or middle of the night. I've been noticing the growth pains a little more frequently this week. I'm thinking its because I'm now beyond where my uterus has every grown before for gestation. Oh and a random observation from early this week is that I think I felt my corpus luteum doing its job. It was this dull ache right about where my left ovary would be.

My sleeping has been a DISASTER lately. Tossing and turning All.Night.Long. Overnight is when I seem to have most of the growing pains (do those have a name?), which keeps me awake. Its when the 'morning sickness' is at its worst (still nothing more than mild nausea). Its also when my mind races about things I'm worried about (finances, my job situation, the insurance stuff, us being 3000 miles away from our support system). Then when I do fall asleep I have screwy dreams. The one that woke me up from a dead sleep the other night was a dream that my husband abandoned me and the baby. I know he would never do that, I think its just my mind going into overdrive worrying about EVERYTHING.

5 Weeks 2 Days

I made it! I'm officially the most pregnant I've ever been!


My first pregnancy miscarried at 5 weeks 1 day. Yesterday was that same gestation for this pregnancy. Made it through with flying colors. Such a huge relief, I can't even tell you. The days leading up to yesterday were so fraught with nerves. Basically me preparing myself for a repeat performance. One that, thankfully, didn't happen. I'm still so thankful for each and every day and am hoping beyond hopes that things are going well in there. If they are, the next big milestone should be hearing/seeing a heartbeat. Still no word on the insurance situation, so that isn't scheduled yet.


I guess I might as well use this post as my 5 week pregnancy update as well.


I'm doing pretty well. Symptoms are still relatively minor and almost all are intermittent. Nausea seems to really prefer middle of the night or when I'm out in places with food smells (restaurants, grocery stores). So far its still just nausea. The boob changes Cherry Bud referenced in a recent post are beginning to happen. I'm still the same size, but fuller now. The tenderness is more than usual, but not too bad. I've had some definite issues with bloat lately. No fun. Especially no fun when my 'fat pants' are even too snug. The spotting I had at just after the 4 week mark hasn't returned. So thankful for that. I guess that's pretty much it so far for symptoms.


The last time I weighed myself was last Friday, and I was down half a pound. Probably from cutting out some sweets. I'm firmly planted in the 'overweight' category based on BMI, so I'm trying to be good about watching my food intake while pregnant. I'm trying to stay active too. Up to this point that's consisted of lots of walking the dog. I'll probably start getting back to the gym this week.

5 Weeks and Morning Sickness

Today baby moves from the size of a poppy seed to the size of an apple seed. Exciting stuff!

We had our first midwife appointment on Friday to confirm the pregnancy, and we both left feeling like this was "official." I PIAC (it was positive), and then had a consultation with one of the midwives where we talked about my history, our previous loss, my chart, and concerns/questions about early pregnancy. One thing that she and I both agree on is that we question fertility friend's crosshairs for my O date this cycle. So because of that and because of our loss, she agreed that I'm a good candidate for an early ultrasound (YAY!!!). The ultrasound unit at the hospital is supposed to be calling me Tuesday to set up an appointment for next week--sometime between 6 and 7 weeks. After our consult, she sent me off for bloodwork--betas and progesterone. At this point, we're not planning on a second beta if the first is within the right range and progesterone is normal. If either is low, then we'll do a 2nd/3rd round of numbers this week.

I'm still having cramps off and on, but they're much less constant. One thing that's pretty constant since yesterday morning has been nausea. I feel like utter crap! It makes me happy that my round of dry heaving a few nights ago wasn't just a one-time deal, since our fingers are crossed that ongoing sickness means baby is growing like he or she should. So far, I haven't actually thrown up, but I'm having strong food aversions and have a general feeling of queasiness almost all the time.

Yesterday we went to the grocery and stocked the fridge with things for me to eat this week since Mr. Magnolia Bud left today for a week out of town for work. I figured out when we were making the grocery list that my primary food aversion is to meat. We came home with tofu, tempeh, vegetarian sausage, black beans, and lots of veggies and grains. Keep in mind that although I cook vegetarian every once in a while, we still eat meat in some form most days. It's a little shocking to see our fridge free of meat! So this week, my sounds-good menu includes a black-bean, corn and soysage pasta sauce; butternut squash soup ("creamed" with tofu added), a black-bean and corn soup to eat with chips or crackers, and salads. Thankfully, I also thought to pick up some ginger root, saltine crackers, and Earth Mama-Angel Baby Morning Wellness Tea. I'm brewing some now, and hope it helps...the crackers sure don't!

I started my weekly acupuncture sessions on Thursday, and my next one is tomorrow. I'm really excited about getting to go every week for the next 7 weeks (or until m/s subsides)--I love my acupuncturist, and it makes me feel good to know I'm doing everything I can to keep myself healthy for this pregnancy.

Headed back to the couch now. Wondering when I'm going to feel too ill to watch the Top Chef marathon that's on...I hope never!

-Magnolia Bud

First Ultrasound

We had our first ultrasound at 5w2d. Baby Sassy Bud is measuring perfectly on schedule. We go back at 6w2d to check for the heartbeat.

This is the pic of our baby:

Pregnancy still does not feel real to me. The only real symptoms I have is a little cramping and being completely exhausted. The lack of energy is partly attributable to a pregnancy induced thyroid problem. It is improving since they put my on Synthroid. I have not had any morning sickness, YET. Hopefully that continues indefinitely!

We are looking forward to seeing the baby growing over the next few weeks. I am ready to let go of the cautious feeling a little and start enjoying things.

Never thought this day would come...

We have a beautiful gestational sac and yolk sac!! Measuring 2 days ahead. 5w5d.

Absolutely THRILLED!!!!

They said everything looked wonderful so far!

We go back on the 9th to see the heartbeat. I can't wait!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi everyone! I just wanted to give a quick update on the pregnancy so far and to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

Well, so far everything is going pretty well with the pregnancy. Today I am 5 weeks and 5 days along based on the first day of my last period. I will be having my first appointment next Tuesday, December 1st. I am so excited and so scared all at the same time. I have been having the typical "pregnancy fears." Ya know - what if something is wrong? What if I have had a missed miscarraige? What if, what if, what if...

However, I will say that I am optimistic because I am having some insane nauseous and upset stomach, I am super tired all the time and still no cramping or spotting. So, say a prayer that all these are wonderful signs.

On that note, I am going to leave you all by saying Happy Thanksgiving and eat lots and lots!

Photo Credit

Bloated!

I am currently 5weeks 2 days pregnant. So far, I'm feeling pretty good. I've had a couple of days where I've felt somewhat nauseous. I'm almost always tired, but that could also be from taking care of a toddler or working at 5:30am. Bloating is my biggest issue. I feel huge!
It's crazy, but we might have already figured out our name choices. At this point, if Baby Daisy Bud is a boy his name will be Logan Curtis and if it's a girl her name will be Allison Marguerite. I'm amazed that we came up with ideas for names this early. Little Daisy Bud didn't have a name until after 3owks. We have our first appointment November 30th.

I'm an emotional wreck!

Image Source

Last night, I was an emotional wreck! I completely broke down and felt like the worst mother-to-be in the world. I sat in my living room floor, in the dark, just sobbing uncontrollably stating all types of horrible things that I won't mention here because I know so many of you would love to be in my position right now (KU). Basically, after about an hour of Mr. BrainyBud trying to get to the root of the problem, we basically just decided that I am so scared of being pregnant. Not being a mother, just the next 9 months part. I don't know what possessed me to think that I am strong enough to handle this. I just felt that I couldn't do it. Of course I would never abort, no way.... and I'm definitely ready to be a mom.... but I am just terrified to be going through all of this. Terrified. I wouldn't wish last night's meltdown on anyone, but just know that I'm better today, but still scared if I am going to be able to do this.

OH! and the spotting went away yesterday! so here's hoping for another good day!

FAITH, love and baby flutters,

Mrs. BrainyBud

Ok...now I'm worried!

Image Source

See this color? I HATE this color! Why? because for the last 4 days (including today) I have experienced some brown discharge. Some things I read says that this is an early sign of a miscarriage and others say that there is nothing to worry about. My doctor's appointment is still a week away! I'm very worried that all of this was just too easy for me. I'm worried I might be losing this baby...

Holding onto Faith by strings...

Mrs. BrainyBud

Update: Just heard back from the OB/GYN and they said for me to continue to monitor it but it sounds normal (even though that is still not going to calm my nerves) and my 1st appt is in a week so hopefully all will still be well.

And so it begins . . .

Today is the first day since I got my BFP that I have not felt like myself and have been nauseated. I feel as though I'm constantly on the verge of throwing up, but it hasn't been so bad that I have to run to the bathroom. I felt great when I woke up, but as I was standing in the shower, my head started to get a little fuzzy. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, just expressing how I am feeling right now. I am beyond thrilled that I am finally beginning to feel pregnant. It gives me comfort knowing that our little "bean" is growing. Both Mr. Hopeful Bud and I have been calling Baby Hopeful Bud "our little bean" because we are farmers and grow soybeans, so it just seems fitting to be growing a bean. We are dorks, yes we know that. Besides being farmers, Mr. HB and I own our own real estate companies. I had meetings all this morning and at lunch, but when I got to the office our other realtor said "Mr. HB called in and said you weren't feeling well and so that I need to cover the office all afternoon." He is already so protective of me, it's wonderful.

Well that's about it for today. I'll give you an update later as our little appleseed grows into a sweet pea.

Still so hard to believe

If it wasn't for the fact that I haven't had a period since August 31st, that my boobs are extremely sore unless being comforted by an "over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder" and that three tests have confirmed the BFP, then I wouldn't even know I was pregnant. I don't feel different. I know it is still early and that in a couple weeks I will wish that I had never complained. I'm not complaining, I guess I just always thought that once you were pregnant, that you would "feel pregnant". I even just wish my doctor would say "come on in and we will confirm it for you" to make it feel a little more real. Oh well, I will be patient and just continue to hope and pray that me and Baby Hopefulbud stay healthy. October 26th can not come soon enough. That's our first appointment when we will get to hear Baby HB's beautiful heart beat. I can't wait. 17 days and counting!!

So Baby HB is currently 5 weeks and 4 days old today. She is the size of an apple seed. Don't tell Mr. HB that I have been referring to our baby as a 'she'. He wants a boy so badly, actually so do I. But for some reason I've been calling her a she. Maybe it's mothers intuition or something. I have always thought and dreamed of being a boy mom, so to think that we could be having a daughter is kind of foreign to me. I know both Mr. HB and I will be beyond thrilled at whichever Baby HB is. This baby is already loved so much, it's unbelievable. It's amazing how in one short week we have already become so in love, and so attached to Baby HB. I have an apple seed sitting on my desk right now so that I can always look at it and be reminded of our growing seedling. Please God, continue to watch over Baby HB and help her (or him) grow big and strong. Looking forward to being the size of a sweet pea next week!!

Photo credit: thebump.com