Blood Work Check

I went in today for my Hormone level check to see if they have dropped down low enough from my Bioidentical Hormone Treatments to start IVF next month. If so I will start back on BCP's and probably start injections sometime in July. If not we will just wait another month and retest the hormone levels. Mr. EB and I just got back from a week in Hawaii relaxing and enjoying doing nothing. A great way to relax before IVF!! Oh I have been doing the Ovulation tests and so far I have a faint line on all of them but nowhere near as dark as the base line is. We are on day 18 so I am going to stop testing when I run out of test strips.

Hormone Blood Work In

I finally got a call back about my hormone levels and it looks like I am way low on my total Testosterone (26 ng/dl), Free Testosterone (0.2 pg/mL) and Estradiol (24.7 pg/mL). Being so low in the Testosterone can explain many of my symptoms of being tired, spacey, low sex drive, dry skin, weight gain, etc, etc, etc!! My other hormones seem to be in good order. FSH (5.8 MIU/mL), Prolactin (10.5 ng/mL), TSH (2.01 uIU/mL), T4 (1.09 ng/dL), Triiodothyronine Free (4.0 pg/mL). My Sex Hormone Binding Globulin was high (165.6 nmol/L).

So I will go in and get the pellet inserted in my side Tuesday at 9:45 in the morning!! I am excited to start feeling better. I hope this works in getting me balanced and preparing my body to have a successful IVF in the summer.

Hormone Replacement Therapy

So with the New Year, we have a new plan. We are going to Hormone Therapy for the next 4-6 months, I am going to lose the extra weight, get in shape and try another IVF cycle at the end of our hormone treatment cycle. This is something I can do to try and improve our chances and something I have control over so pretty much it will keep me sane, for awhile! :)

I met with the RE today and talked about what Hormone Replacement Therapy ("HRT") could do for my "issues". The RE said that HRT has shown to improve egg quality, help increase insulin sensitivity and balance my hormones to treat my PCOS symptoms, increase my sensitivity to the fertility drugs in future IVF cycles and help me feel better overall. I did appreciate this statement from the RE "You deserve to feel good after all the stuff you have been through". Amen to that!! With treating the PCOS and Hypothyroid symptoms I should be losing this lovely extra 15-20 pounds I am carrying around, have more energy, clearer mind, sleeping better, better sex drive, stronger nails, less dry skin and better muscle tone (I used to have amazing muscle definition before all these problems started).
I had my blood drawn to test my thyroid levels, total and free testosterone, FSH, progesterone, estradiol, and prolactin. My veins are a nurses nightmare because they are by feel only and like to disappear and it seems my left arm is really the only one nurses can find. I had to drink 32 oz of water, eat some crackers and be stuck four times to get enough blood to run the tests. PURE JOY :)
We will wait and see what all my levels are looking like so the RE will know the dosage to give me of hormones. The procedure sounds pretty simple, the RE will make a small incision above my hip and place a pellet of natural testosterone and estrogen mixture that will sit and be absorbed over the next 4-6 months. Every day 14-28 of my cycle I will need to take natural progesterone to make sure my lining is shedding properly. The effects are supposed to be noticeable from 1-4 days of putting in the pellet. If they are not then they may need to add another pellet due to my hormone levels being depleted for so long that they need an extra boost.

After 4 months the RE will test my Testosterone levels to see if they are down to a normal level and if they are we can do another IVF cycle then or we will need to wait till about month 6 when the hormones have completely left my system.

I am going to also start talking with acupuncturists in my area that specialize in infertility to see what they recommend for someone with my problems doing IVF and what they charge.

I am getting tired of the emotional roller coaster and am ready to do all that is available out there. I am not sure how much more I can handle of failures, it is just so depressing and long and stressful and tiring and emotional and, and, and...

Can we say Hormonal??

Last night I was feeling a bit queasy after taking a warm shower but I slept great! Today I have been very "crabby" you might say. Everyone that I interacted with I was bugged by. I couldn't even discuss Christmas presents without being pissy. I was also ready for bed by 5:00 tonight. I am hoping this is due to increasing hormones from a pregnancy not from the lovely progesterone and estrogen!!

Pre-Panama Dr. Visits

This past week I met with both my Endocrinologist and my OB to go over what tests I should do if this next cycle works. I had my Thyroid retested because I have been really tired lately and that is usually a sign of my Thyroid being too low. Surprisingly my levels were excellent both the T4 and T3 were right below 1 which is right where we want them to be. The Dr. was extremely nice and positive about this second round of IVF and said that as soon as I find out I am pregnant to call and schedule another blood draw to make sure the levels stay where they should be to give this pregnancy the best chance of success. I was surprised that she wanted to test every 4 to 6 weeks which was way more than I thought but I will go with more than less at this point. Then I met with my OB to figure out the earliest we could to do an ultrasound to make sure there are embryo's in my uterus and not hanging out in my fallopian tube again! Since last time I had zero pain or discomfort at 7 weeks with an ectopic pregnancy he joked that I must have numb fallopian tubes and that we should probably keep checking the fallopian tubes even if we see one in the uterus! We also went over if he could write me a prescription for the Progesterone Cream that I get in Panama instead of the suppositories that they prescribe. He did agree that he could do that and so that is one less favor I have to ask of my friend who is a nurse. I am glad that I was able to find such a willing and supportive OB of me going overseas for IVF and to be willing to go the extra mile to make me feel comfortable that we are doing everything to have a successful cycle. I feel more comfortable and ready to go off to Panama for our second round of IVF now that I have all my ducks in a row at home.

Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise

The IVF 2ww is unlike any other.

Not only are you dealing with the regular 2ww type things, but you're actually injecting your body and taking pills with EXTRA hormones to further convince your body what you already know: You're pregnant until proven otherwise. It makes things harder than I can explain.

And, 8dp3dt (= 11DPO) I think I'm hitting the wall.

The past couple of days have been REALLY hard. I keep searching for something to definitively tell me that I'm pregnant or not (short of POAS, because that's not an option). I've cried only a little bit. I tried to get squeezed in at my IF therapist, but she can't fit me in before beta.

I've been positive this whole time. I hardly even thought of the "what if". Now it's all I'm thinking about.

All I can think of is what happened last time. We got the phone call, and my husband came home from work, because he could hear it in my voice on the phone, and he didn't want me to be in the house by myself. And I just cried for HOURS.

That's all I can think about now... is how I was after that phone call.

So, someone give me something to grab onto until beta - because I HATE feeling how I feel right now. I want to go back to 2 days ago, when I was Joe Positive.

I don't like being this scared little girl, hoping that I'm pregnant.

Those 2 nearly perfect embryos... if this doesn't work.... I just can't imagine.

Hormones? What Hormones?

That has become a favorite saying of Mr. Hopeful Bud. He thinks he is so funny. The fact is, some days I just need a good cry just because. Other days I suddenly become very pissy, for no good reason, again just because. Most days I am happy, excited and loving life. But on those few moments, Mr. HB's only appropriate response is "hormones? what hormones?" When he says that, it usually makes me laugh and realize I'm just being emotionally charged by hormones. Gotta love 'em! My sister says they don't go away after you have the baby either. This tidbit of information makes Mr. HB squirm a little.

Well we have happily made it to 19 weeks! I can't believe we are almost half way through this adventure. We haven't even started working on the nursery. That is going to take a lot of work. Home projects have a history in our home of not moving very quickly, so I need to start creating some sort of game plan to get everything in order.

So if this week is 19 weeks, that can only mean that next week is 20 weeks and we all know what happens around 20 weeks. Our BIG ULTRASOUND!!! It's our first and only U/S so I am really looking forward to it. We are very anxious to find out if Baby Hopeful Bud is a boy or a girl, but I am even more excited about just seeing him or her for the first time. I'm always so jealous of the ladies that get to see their babies early on. I know our baby is in there because I have started feeling little "flutters", but I can't wait to see his or her head, 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 ears, a beating heart, 10 fingers, and 10 toes. I just want to see my baby so badly!!! 9 days from today we will see our little one!! Yeah I can't wait!!!

At 19 weeks, Baby HB is the size of a mango (6 inches and 8.5 ounces). I'm not one of the most sentimental people around, but when we first found out we were pregnant, I found an apple seed and placed it on my desk. I still look at that apple seed every day and am constantly in complete amazement at how there was something so small as an apple seed in my stomach a few short week ago and now there is a mango.

That's about it. I still feel great. I believe maternity clothes shopping will be in the plan for this weekend as my pants are growing increasingly uncomfortable. Which is weird since according to my last doc appt. I hadn't gained any weight. Who know?!! I can't wait to post you on our u/s next week. Please say a little prayer for our baby HB, that he or she cooperates and shows us the goods!!!

Take care and stay hopeful!

Day 3 of Clomid - aka Holy Hot Flashes Batman!

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Well after taking last night’s dose of Clomid, I went to bed and felt fine. No side effects! I was really thinking I was getting off easy. Oh I wish I had never had that thought in my head.

About midnight, I had a full-on hot flash / night sweat. Wowee! Well needless to say, it woke me up and there I lay, in bed, on top of the covers, trying (desperately) to cool off. I hope I don’t have any more that bad!

I will say this – I feel fortunate that I’ve only had minor side effects. Of course Mr. Sunshine Bud has referred to me as Medusa.

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But that too, is nothing new! Just his loving way of telling me to simmer down and be charming!

So that is really it for Day 3 – and now some Hot Flash humor for this fine Monday!

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And who doesn’t love Maxine and her wealth of wisdom? Power surge anyone?

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Until the next hot flash, errr I mean Power Surge,
Sunshine Bud

Note to self – maybe my bud name is playing into the whole hot flash phenomena??!!

Don't Mess With the Pregnant Chick

The title says it all... If I weren't KU I'm sure Mr. GB would be ready to throw me out on my behind. Maybe not, but I'm sure that I am testing his patience lately.

I'm officially 16 weeks and 4 days pregnant. For the most part it's been very easy going and up until the last 2 or 3 weeks I've kept my hormones in check. We've had a few tiffs but they've been minor and nothing to really speak of. I've also had the occasional bout of uncontrollable tears, mostly in the privacy of my own company if I think too much about - "OMG are we READY for this?" or "Can I handle this?"

Last night took the cake though! If you care to hear about my irrational, hormonal, and unreasonable behavior; read on:

So I've been having some issues with basically anything sounding good to eat lately. Not that anything makes me sick, just that nothing sounds good. That in itself annoys Mr. GB, because I'm usually the one who gets home first and has dinner planned and started by the time he walks in the door. Recently, I find myself standing in front of our pantry or at the grocery store with no clue what to eat. Nothing sounds good and I have no motivation to cook. On a number of nights he's walked in the door to find me still staring cluelessly into the freezer?!

Yesterday, we had both just gotten paid and I knew he was leaving for the weekend so I thought to myself; Mexican sounds good. I'll suggest we go up to the Mexican restaurant! In walks Mr. GB who tells me he is tired, has already worked 40 hours this week and it's only Thursday; he just wants to relax. So he suggests I go to the grocery store, get a frozen meal of enchiladas and we make our own rice and beans. He also mentions we already have chips and homemade salsa and that we shouldn’t be spending money on going out.

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Mrs. GB now transforms into Preggzilla.

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Long story short - Mr. GB ended up eating the frozen meal sans rice, beans, chips or salsa - Mrs. GB ended up eating a frozen pizza. The enchiladas looked gross and I wanted REAL Mexican.

Right now I just have to look back and laugh because I honestly think, who WAS that crazy person last night crying over MEXICAN FOOD! Yes followers, I was bawling...

...please help me make it through this?!?!