Spent $600 in 5 minutes!

Hi Buds and Bud readers! Long time, no see. I've been trying to stay away from all things baby for awhile but wanted to submit a quick report.

I had my $600 out-of-pocket hysteroscopy today, just to confirm that my uterus isn't scarred shut or some other nightmare diagnosis. I am happy to report that it looked flawless! I am not happy to report that I wasn't told to take Ibuprofen beforehand and this time it hurt like hell. But it was totally worth it to confirm that my uterus is in good shape for our upcoming frozen embryo transfer.

Speaking of which, I started Lupron last night. I am also on BCPs (for now) and my suppression check is on November 18. I'll begin estrogen patches and supps shortly thereafter. So now it's hurry up and wait until December 17. We will definitely be thawing and transferring 2 this time. Assuming all goes well, we'll still have 3 frosties left for another cycle.

Will get caught up on the Bud reports this weekend.
Take care everyone!

Golden Bud

Dusting off memories

Sometimes it's tough coming here and reading about the pregnant Buds. A couple months ago I could not have read these posts at all. I never ventured beyond the Miscarriage/Loss board on the Bump. I couldn't even bring myself to look at the Infertility boards until after my second D&C was scheduled. Thank goodness I'm terrible with dates and numbers, so I quickly lost track of how many weeks pregnant I would have been on a given day. But when I come here I recall that Dandelion Bud and I had our BFPs around the same time and yeah, it makes me sad, but I've come a long way since May. I am seeing signs of life.

This weekend I peeked at the few pregnancy supplies that I'd stashed away after our loss. I'd collected some pregnancy books from the RE, OB, and Costco. I'd purchased a Doppler (found the HB at 10 weeks). And I'd ordered a few cute stuffed animals on Etsy. Everything is still concealed until I get my BFP.

On a more positive note, we have a few important milestones this week in our donor cycle.

• I started my Lupron shots and took my last birth control pill.
• Mr. GB is headed to our RE's local office tomorrow to sign consent forms and make our final payment of $14,800 for this cycle. (We've already put down a $5k deposit and paid about $1800 for donor meds. We'd owe another $2k if our RE hadn't waived our coordination fee. And to think we've already done a donor cycle once before. Ouch.)
• Thursday is my suppression check and the official start of my donor cycle. Assuming I have no cysts, I'll start wearing my estrogen patches and go back for 2 appointments to check my lining thickness and estrogen levels.

Going in for my suppression check Thursday is going to be bittersweet. The last time I was at the RE's local office, I was pregnant and hugging everyone goodbye. I didn't expect to see them so soon. I hope I can hold it together.

No Regrets

IVF #1 is officially a BFN. I already had my freak out, hyperventilating, can't speak, heartbreaking moment last week when I started spotting heavily at 5dp3dt. It was so familiar and so much like every other negative cycle that I really felt we weren't successful. I did switch my progesterone support from injections to endometrin and that stopped the spotting, but I had a negative HPT on Saturday and AF arrived today.

At this point I'm surprisingly calm and collected. I've had some sad moments this weekend as Mr. CB and I discussed our next steps. I would like to get right back in the game and cycle as soon as possible, but our finances don't support that move. We made a decision yesterday to work towards paying off all of our credit card debt by the end of the year, and plan to cycle again in January. In the meantime, I'm going to get a second opinion from another RE and talk to them about some other tests such as a hysteroscopy or laparoscopy to see if we can't get a better idea why we're not getting pregnant. When we do cycle again we will go with a clinic that offers the Attain IVF Refund Program. Even though it's more money initially, after having one failed IVF completely OOP we need to know that we will have the option for multiple cycles if we need them.

We have no regrets about our decision to go to Costa Rica and Panama for IVF #1. It would have been sweeter if we had brought back a little souvenir, but for us it was a good decision. I am planning on posting a full overview soon that details the entire experience and what went well and the difficulties we experienced. I will say that if you have a chance to visit Costa Rica, GO! It was the most amazing place I've ever visited.

This little guy says come visit him in Costa Rica!

Mr. CB and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your thoughts and prayers throughout our travels and procedures. It means the world to us! We may have lost this battle, but we are still fighting and I know that we will have a baby Chef Bud one day soon.

Injection class = check!

Today Mr. CB and I went to the injection class to learn how to do the injections for our next cycle. We got there and the nurse brought us back to the conference room and had all the supplies laid out on the table. I found out I will be on follistim, and we're using an injection pen. It was really easy to learn how to use, and I'm confident that Mr. CB and I will be able to figure it all out once we start. When my RE gave me the estimate for the cost of an injectable cycle, she said it would be $1500-$2000. That was definitely a little bit stressful, so we were really excited to find out that the amount we need will be $750. Still a lot of money, but half as much as we thought!

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One of my biggest worries is overstimulation. When I asked the nurse what would happen if I had too many follicles, she said the cycle would be cancelled. I didn't know if they would be able to convert to IVF or what. I really don't want to spend over $1000 on meds and doctor visits only to be cancelled at the last minute. The nurse said I would be on 150IU per day for five days. Since I don't have any problems with ovulation or follicle growth I worry that this will be too much. I am just going to trust in the doctor and know that they know best.


The only issue that I don't know if the RE has addressed for my upcoming cycle is my lining. It's bad timing, but my RE that I've been working with is on maternity leave so she didn't have any input on my meds for the next cycle. I asked the nurse today about my lining, and if the follistim will be enough to get it to where it needs to be or if I need to take something else to boost the thickness. She said my doctor is returning from leave on Monday so she will talk to her and find out.


So now it's just a waiting game. I should start my period the first week of March, then I will go in for a baseline ultrasound and get my medication ordered. The amazing thing to me is that I usually don't ovulate until around day 17. But on the follistim, I will take the medicine from cycle day 3 to 7 and then should be ready to trigger! So my 27 day cycle will be cut down to about 19 days. Crazy.


Today when I got home, I checked the mail and I had a package from Worry Bud! She sent me the cutest little penguin, a prayer card to keep in my wallet and a sweet card. With all that she is going through right now with her IVF, I am so thankful that she is also thinking of me and what I'm going through. I love you Worry Bud and am praying for amazing news for you in a couple of weeks!

IUI #1 = BFN

I found out last week that our first IUI didn't work. It's been almost a week, and I think it's taken me that long to come to grips with my emotions and to start feeling like me again. I will be the first to admit that I was a wreck. When I first found out Thursday morning before work, I felt like someone was standing on my chest and I couldn't breathe. I spent Thursday in a depressed fog, and then Friday became a miserable brat. I was mean to Mr. CB and just felt so sorry for myself. We went to Orlando to see my best friends, and had dinner at a friend's house Saturday night. When the talk turned to babies (they all have little ones around a year old) I just couldn't take it. I left the table, cried in the corner of the kitchen and then felt like crap for making my friends feel like crap.

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I am still sorting through my roller coaster emotions, but I think I am getting a better handle on how to stay positive. I think I spent so many months being ok with what was happening and getting through the BFN's without a lot of melt downs, but now it's caught up to me. During the IUI cycle, I kept thinking it wasn't that big of a deal, it was JUST an IUI, that so many girls have been trying longer and are doing much more serious procedures like IVF and dealing with worse diagnosis, like MFI or PCOS. I have realized that I can't minimize what I am going through, and my struggles and emotions are just as valid as anyone else dealing with a different stage of IF.

Our original plan was to take a few months off if the IUI didn't work, but of course that has changed! When I realized the IUI didn't work, I decided that night that I wanted to move on to the injectable cycle right away. I called the doctor first thing Friday morning, and learned that I had to take an injectable class before I could even start. So February was out. Right now, I'm signed up for the class next Friday, and my nurse is working on getting my medicine list and doseages. We are all out of pocket for injectable meds, so we are expecting to spend $1500-$2000 on the meds I will need. I can't believe we are spending so much money for something that may not even result in a baby, but right now we're in this 100%, and will do what we need to in order to bring home our Baby CB.

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We've also looked into acupuncture. I read a post on an IF message board about a woman who saw an acupuncturist and had significant lining thickening, so I figure it's worth a try. We're hoping to get in next week for our first consult. I feel like even if we don't get specific results in regards to fertility, it will be something to help me relax and de-stress...which I definitely need right now!

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