Valentines Day & Cycle 3

My valentine’s day started out with getting up at 3am to send Mr. DB off to work on his day off. He has been trying to work as much OT as possible to save up for all these fertility treatments and our new home. Mr. DB then called me around noon to let me know they need him to stay and work more OT (guess all the hubby/wives are calling in today). Oh well, I am sure we can celebrate once he gets home around 8pm! I can’t wait to give him tons of hugs and kisses.

I also received a call from my RE setting up my Clomid check for 1:50pm. Gosh, don't you just love the transvaginal ultrasound to check your ovaries and uterus (total sarcasm). I hate every minute of the ultrasound. It is one of the most uncomfortable things I put myself through each month. I still get nervous every time I go in for the appointment. I worry I won’t be cleared for another round, but Happy Valentine’s Day to me, everything was perfect and I was cleared for another round. My RE decided to up the dose this time.

Starting tomorrow 100mg of Clomid (2 tablets daily for 5 days), Clomid Crazies here I come! Bring on those pills, hot flashes, mood swings, irritability, sore breasts, headaches and complete inner craziness!

I know all of the craziness will be worth it in the end! Nothing but high hopes that this is my cycle, this will be the one to give us our little miracle!

So for now I will keep hoping and wishing!

Photo Credit

Hope everyone had a wonderful time with their Valentine! We are all so lucky to have someone in our lives who care about us through all the ups and downs of IF. I know I am truly thankful for Mr. DB! He is my valentine, my rock, my strength, my true love and my best friend!
Happy Valentines Day!!!

Hello 3rd- Tri :)

Well as of yesterday I officially entered the 3rd trimester and as of today I'm officially 7 months pregnant.

Wow.

I really can't believe I'm here.
In about 90 days, I'll be meeting my son.
Sometimes that thought is really hard to wrap my mind around. I'm sure it will only be made more surreal once he's born and they put him on top of me for the first time. I can't think about it without crying.

Needless to say, as the day gets closer Mr. LB and I get more and more excited. Our baby shower is less than a month away at this point and we're really excited about having our family and friends come together all in celebration of our little boy. This little boy that we've wanted for so long. I'm especially looking forward to the arrival of my Grandmother and Aunt. My grandmother raised me and my Aunt has become like a mother to me. They'll be here a few days before the shower and are staying 2 days after to help get Baby LB's room ready.

On the pregnancy front all remains well :) I've had a crappy cold for over a week now and have objected to taking any medicine but I think I will finally give in. I have this terrible cough that has been kicking my butt for the last 6 days and I can't take it anymore. Mr. LB will be picking me up Robitussin on the way home.
Next week is my 28 week appt. and my GD test. I'm hoping and praying I'll pass it. Next week also begins my Bi-weekly appointments and I'm thinking there may hopefully be another ultrasound again soon ::crosses fingers:: I know my OB's office does the 3D/4D u/s just not sure when.
Mr. LB and I are debating what kind of birthing class to take and I'm debating on taking the BF'ing course. We also need to nail down a pedi for Baby LB. We were going to use my childhood pedi who still practices but I hear that her office is always super busy and a mommy friend was waiting there for 2 hours one day :\ My OB's office recommended someone so we may check her out.
So many little things to do!!

Thanks for reading my little update! Hopefully by next week they will have change the carpet in this nursery and I can share some pictures!

25 weeks....

and 3 days to be exact :)

Yesterday was a busy day! Mr. LB was off of work so we had a fun-filled day of shopping. Mind you, it was supposed to be shopping for Mr. LB but somehow he ended up with 1 pair of shorts and Baby LB got 2 pairs of shoes and a bunch of clothes. We also found a lamp for the nursery and we bought a Wii! If you don't own one, you really should. It's awesome. We were playing with it all night, till about 3am.

In between all the shopping we went and had an u/s @ this place not far from home that does then for free. It's a training center for u/s techs and they let the student do them. None of the pictures were all that great mostly just of things they need to learn to take measurements of. We, however, got to hang out and watch our boy for about an hour :) It was great. He was moving around like crazy, kicking and punching at the u/s wand. Entertaining to say the least.
We got new stats for him! All his measurements are still ahead buy a few days to a week and he's weighing in at 1lb 12oz. The last time we went was at 22 weeks 2 days (exactly 3 weeks ago) and he weighed 1lb it's amazing he's put on almost a pound!
They were also able to measure my cervix which was 4.80cm, this made me very happy.
All in all it was a great day.

The nursery is coming along. Mr. LB has weird days off so finishing the painting has taken a little longer than expected. He's almost done, though. Just touching up the paint under the chair rail. We're thinking the carpet will probably be replaced sometime within the next 2 weeks and then we can move the glider in here and some other things. As soon as my desk is out of here I'll take pictures.

Baby steps!

24 weeks.....V-day

Well I've been a bad bud and haven't update in a while. That's wht happens when life gets in the way!

Anyway, I'm back :)

Today I make 24 weeks. The arrival of this milestone came with a huge sigh of relief.

V-day. And no, that doesn't mean Valentine's Day. V-DAY at 24 weeks actually refers to Viability Day. This means that if the baby were to be born now, they would have a chance at survival, although they would spend much time in the NICU. This is just such a blessing to know that we are getting so much closer to meeting this baby and that everyday this baby has a better chance at being born healthy.

Baby LB is moving so much more now. It's amazing. Very strange feeling but amazing all the same. Saturday night and this morning he actually kicked so hard it made my stomach move.

We've gotten a lot accomplished in terms of getting ready for baby.

The bedding was already purchased by Baby LB's great-grandparents....

Dwell Studio for Target Space Baby

Last week we ordered.....

The crib: Peyton Classic Crib by Bonavita

The dresser/changer combo: Peyton Combo by Bonavita

The cover for our Bugaboo Cameleon stroller: Paul Frank Skurvy

We also, bought the paint for the nursery. Silly Litle Blue Birds & Space Hero Blue from the Behr Disney Collection and a decal from Etsy to match the rockets on the bedding. We also picked up some extra shelving for the closet and some little accessories. I scored my diaper bag that I wanted which matches the stroller at Marshalls for $29. It was $80 at BBB. We purchased the Boppy that matches the bedding as well. Not to mention the baby has a ridiculous wardrobe thanks to his auntie and grandma.

Mr. LB is painting and putting up the chair rail on Wednesday. The furniture should be here some time in May. Hopefully.

Baby shower plans are coming along. The invites will go out within the next week.

Things are definitely coming along. It's really amazing how fast the time flies :) We have our 24 week appointment with the OB on Thursday and I'm looking forward to that.

Well that's all for now. I'm hoping tht I'll be able to update much more regularly now.

Almost 19 weeks....

This past week was our anatomy scan. It went really well :) I was a little nervous going in to it just because I obviously wanted everything to be great and thankfully it was.

Baby LB is still measuring a week ahead of schedule and it weighing in at 10 ounces.
All of his parts were present and accounted for....except for his feet! See, my son loves to sleep and much like his father has no interest in participating in any sort of activity while he is doing so. This happened at our first NT scan @ 11.5 weeks (hence having to repeat it). The tech (who was really nice , btw) got all his measurements and the last thing he needed to check was the feet. Baby LB was tired. You could tell from the moment he started because he was in a little ball. When he was checking out his face he had his arms up covering it, rubbing it, and yawning.
When it came time to check his piggies he had his knees up to his chest and was curled up in such a way where he couldn't get was he needed. The tech was poking and prodding trying to get him to wake up for a couple of minutes....nothing. So he suggested I lay on my side for a few minutes to see if that would help get him to move....nothing.
So we get to go back in 4 weeks to try again. :)

We have an u/s schedule at our 20 wk appt. so if my OB wants to check for them there than we won't have to go back. I'd rather not have to since @ the perinatologist we have to pay a co-pay because it's a specialist and at the OB we pay nothing because my insurance covers it all 100%.

Other that than, feeling Baby LB is becoming a little easier. The kicks are a little more noticeable and sometimes I can feel it from the outside. Mr. LB has yet to feel it. Hopefully he will soon!

This week MIL is taking us to order Baby LB's crib. SIL is in town so we'll be making a family date out of the whole thing.

It's been a good week :)

17 weeks & It's a BOY!

Well on Wednesday was supposed to be our 16 week check up appt. Normally the routine is pee in a cup, weight (still the same as pre-pregnancy), blood pressure (perfect), check for HB and just some questions on how I've been feeling etc. This appt. when about the same with the exception that we asked the OB when he would do an u/s. Since I left my RE @ 7.5 weeks the only u/s I'd had were the NT Scan and repeat with the perinatologist. The OB hadn't done one yet. So we asked since our insurance covers all maternity stuff 100%. He looked at my chart and said we could do one at my next appt. (20 weeks). I told him we had an u/s scheduled for 2 weeks from then, our anatomy scan. He said "oh , okay, do you want to do it today?" so of course I squealed YES!
He filled out his form and then sent me across the hall to their other office where they do the scans.
So I got on the table and the tech started checking around. The first thing we got was Baby LB's HB which was 146bpm, then we saw his hand up and saying "hello!", then as she moved around and before she even asked if we wanted to know the sex I already knew what it was :) I said "well, that looks like HIS penis so I'm guessing it's a BOY?"
She said yes and I just started laughing...hysterically. Not the reaction I had planned on having but it's what happened lol. I've been calling Baby LB a "he" since the day I found out I was pregnant. I've always just had this feeling. The funny comes from the fact that I'm usually NEVER right about guessing genders. DH was beyond thrilled, he got very emotional and could no stop grinning from ear to ear all day. The rest of the scan went well Baby was laying on his back so we got a nice profile shot of him. I really think he's going to end up looking like my husband which would be kinda funny since Mr. LB is an exact duplicate of his father. Baby LB has the cutest little nose! I can't stop looking at him.
After the appt. we went to lunch and bought a few items for our boy :)

Re: the pregnancy.
The last couple of weeks have been uneventful except for the baby flutters! Those have been amazing. Aside from still being tired at around 4:00pm every day, I've been feeling good. My next appt. is the 17th for the anatomy scan. My OB says everything looks great and that if everything looks good with the anatomy scan next week we should be good to go!
at our next appt. with the OB we'll have another u/s so it'll be nice to see the LO every 2 weeks.


Re: getting ready for Baby LB!
We've started the process of emptying out the office which will eventually becoming Baby LB's room. It's definitely proving to be a PITA but it's all worth it. I heard from the baby store that the crib will take about 2.5 months to arrive. So the plan is to order it by next month so it will be here some time in mid-May. The carpets in this room need to be re-don so we're hoping to have the room painted before that happens. Painting will most likely be done next month and the carpet change following that. There's a lot to do!

We're both very excited with this very big change. I still thank God everyday for the blessing of our baby. I still really can't believe that I actually get to become "Mommy". It's such a long way from the days that I truly felt it was never going to happen.

Weeks 14 & 15....

I put off writing this entry since I really had nothing exciting or profound to say....truth is I still don't! But for the sake of an update I figured I'd throw one out there :)

These past 2 weeks so far have been fairly uneventful. I feel like the time leading up to our big u/s is going by soooooo slow. Next week we do have an appointment with the perinatologist for b/w and then the following day with the OB for my 16 week check up.

I THINK I'm starting to feel some kind of flutters going on in there but it could just be my mind playing tricks on me. It's usually when I'm sitting and it's either something like a tickle or tiny bubbles. It's "interesting"!

Other than that, there's really not much else going on! I'm sure next weeks post will be much more exciting!

Hello 2nd tri :) So glad to meet you....

I can honestly say that I never thought I'd actually get to write those words or say that out loud. It's a pretty amazing feeling every time it feels like we're one step closer to bringing our baby home. Even more amazing is the sound of Baby LB's hb which somehow manages to make everything in the world better. We received our home doppler yesterday from BabyBeat.com and after some trouble we finally got to hear Baby LB's heartbeat @ home.

Mr. LB and I laughed at how much trouble we had yet the OB seemed to put no effort in to it when we had our 12 week appt. last week. He took out the doppler put it on my stomach and 1 second later there it was. The best sound in the world! The appointment went well. I had some b/w done that they had never done, an AB screen and went on my way. My next appointment is on 2.3 to get some followup b/w from my NT Scan at the perinatologist, 2.4 is my 16 week appt. with the OB and then the last appt. in Feb is the 17th when we got in for our anatomy scan and hopefully find out if we're on team firetrucks or Barbies!

I was telling Mr. LB in the car the that day that I'm still in a state of disbelief. There was a point in the whole process where I felt like I'd never become a mom. I know that seems dramatic and I know that there are women who struggle with IF of a much more severe degree than I did and that have been trying for so much longer.....but this was my experience. This is what I had to live. I always reminded myself that there were women who had it worse. Those women have always and will always be in my prayers, because for that short time I felt what they've been feeling for so long and that sadly some may continue to feel for a long time to come.

That feeling, I've noticed, it stays with you. Going through IF seriously becomes a part of you always. As I get further in to this pregnancy the poem I posted a while ago makes more and more sense. All of my thoughts and prayers this week go out to all the women who are struggling to become mothers and to those who were mommies for a short time and their angels were taken from them far too soon. It's those women who helped me get to where I am today and I will NEVER forget that.

12 weeks....

So last week's NT Scan went better than we could have ever imagined. Granted, the tech did not get the measurements she needed but we didn't really care because we got to see our baby and watching him/her moving around in there was absolutely amazing. We also got to hear the heartbeat for the first time which was the greatest sound ever. Baby LB was measuring about 3-5 days ahead of schedule. Mr. LB said it was all the yummy food and protein I had over the holidays that gave Baby LB a boost. Lol. He was very proud to say the least. We both shed a tear, it was a very exciting and emotional experience.
The best part is we get to do it all again this Wednesday. Hopefully Baby LB will cooperate this time so they can get the measurements they need. I only have another week and 6 days to get this scan right before it's too late.

Thursday we'll be seeing the OB again. Last time we saw him was at 8.5 weeks so it'll have been 4 weeks since. Looking forward to checking progress according to him. Hoping everything looks like it's supposed to.

The NT Scan definitely made me feel better about everything. Don't get me wrong I still worry but it's much more suppressed. I really wanted to start enjoying this whole experience.
On Saturday DH and I had lunch with MIL and then went to BuyBuy Baby to check it out. They opened a new one about 40 minutes from us (previously the closest was over an hour away). It was awesome. We had a great time checking things out. I wanted to show Mr. LB some of the items I'd been scoping out for the last year. We didn't do our wedding registry in the store but we definitely will with this. After that we went to IKEA and walked around, bought a few things. We spotted a mommy with a version of the stroller I want in a pattern we'd never seen. We asked her where she got it and Sunday I found it online. It's only good for a boy so we'll see. Mr. LB was super stoked about this pattern. So much so he has prohibited me from posting it online because he doesn't want it to be sold out when and if we go to buy it.

It's pretty amazing in itself watching the man you love go through this transformation in to being a dad and getting excited about baby things. If you met my husband you definitely would not get that initial impression of him being a mushy sentimental guy. He's really surprised me. It makes me fall in love with him in a whole new incredible way.

As far as how I've been feeling, I can't complain too much. I've been getting some headaches during the day but nothing unbearable. Still getting nausea at night on some days but again, nothing unbearable. Finding foods that sound appealing is still a task. Cravings are becoming a little more frequent. For the most part the baby has been good to me. I still think it's a boy but honestly I couldn't care either way. As long as he/she is hear and healthy in 6 months I'm a happy camper!

10 weeks & 6 days and post #400!

When I went to start writing today I noticed it said our little blog already had 399 post, so this is #400! Woot.

I hope that those of you that celebrate Christmas had a good one! Mr. LB and I spent it at home together. I made yummy dinners the 24th & 25th. At midnight we opened our gifts. I got a new Coach purse, beautiful necklace and charm from Blue Nile, earrings, and a leopard snuggie :)
My aunt bought LO 3 PJ's, a bib, a bathrobe, little duckie socks and little hat and that little duck you put in the bathwater to check temperature. I got all teary eyed when I opened them all and then promptly put them all n a box and put them away.

Tomorrow will make 11 weeks ::sigh:: and in 3 days we have our NT Scan/Sequential Screening. I really can't shake the concerned feeling. Not so much because of the results because surprisingly those I'm not worried about but just finding out that our LO is doing well. I'll be in another office, with doctors I've never met before.
I think that for the mother's own sanity u/s should be performed every week in the first trimester. Jus' sayin'.

The appointment is at 11:15am. After the appointment Mr. LB and I have plans to go have a nice lunch since Wednesdays are his new day-off.

I've been feeling okay. This last week headaches have been the new thing. I get them the moment I wake up in the morning and then they linger all day. The nausea is becoming much more infrequent. I'm still tired all the time and get cranky when I'm out of the house for too long, but at least I can stay awake during the day. Mind you all these things subsiding worry me too and it actually makes me feel worse to write it all out. I'm really looking forward to hopefully finding out that everything is okay on Wednesday and finally feeling excited about all of this.

I hope to bring back good news and finally stop whining about being worried. I promise I will try to be more fun!

9 weeks 2 days....

Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.....


This one is a little late because we were out of our apartment all weekend since the building was being tented for termites. If you have never had to leave home because of tenting, I pray you never do. It's a PITA! We had to pack ALL our food from the pantry, cabinets and fridge find accommodations for our dog, get a hotel for us. A lot of wasted money. When we got back on Sunday we had to wash all the sheets, clean the floors wipe down the kitchen. I still haven't tackled doing all the dishes since we have some that I cleaned in the dishwasher when we got back.
I'm just taking it day by day.

I met my new OB on Friday. He's a pretty cool guy. He's a biker, which I thought was pretty funny. I wasn't sure how I'd feel about having a male OB but he made me feel really comfortable and the appointment went really well.

So aside from that, I'm doing okay. Sometimes a little too okay and it drives me nuts.

Now, I apologize in advance for those of you that are reading that that have had crappy pregnancies where you were throwing up all the time etc. But, I'd actually feel better about all this if I felt that way.

I do get nauseous but not to the point of dry heaving or actually throwing up. My boobs are a little sore but mostly it's just the nipple area. I get mild headaches here and there same goes for the light headedness. I've had a stuffy nose since I got my BFP and just some uterine stretching related pains. Gas is my new BFF. Both kinds. Luckily, my husband finds it hilarious.
Meanwhile, I have 2 friends that are pregnant and also due in July and the feel terrible. They don't understand how I would be much more comfortable with this all if I felt worse. The days I feel awful all day are the best days :) Yes, I know, I'm nuts (Mr. LB definitely thinks so). But I think I thought that since the road to getting pregnant was so difficult that the pregnancy itself would be too.

People ask me if I'm excited and I can't say yes. I feel like it's not safe to be excited yet. I'm hoping after our next appointment I'll start to be. My sister-in-law however is over the moon :) This will be her first niece/nephew and she can't stop gushing over it. She was in town this past weekend and there was lots of talk about baby, baby shower, gifts, strollers, breast feedings, all things baby. My family is really excited too but they're more in tune with how nervous I am so they hold back a little more. My OB did make me feel a little better about one thing I was concerned about and that was the progesterone hiding a miscarriage. He said that not amount of progesterone in the world would keep me from losing an abnormal pregnancy. So the only thing left to be concerned about is whether or not the bagel is growing.

Next appointment is scheduled for December 30th (11.5 weeks). We'll be having out First Tri Screening that day. It will be the first time we see the bagel since our 7.5 week u/s when we saw the baby and HB. So needless to say, that is what's bringing on all this extra paranoia about symptoms and lack thereof.
After that my next appointment with the OB is on January 7th (12.5 weeks).

I don't think I've ever done so much praying in my life.

I promise you as neurotic and crazy as I sound in this entry I'm not like this all the time lol. But it feels good to just get all these thoughts out somewhere.

I'll be back on Monday!

8 week update....

So I am happy to report that last week's u/s went great :)

I was 7 weeks and 3 days and we got to see Baby LB and his/her heartbeat. It was an awesome day. We got a great picture of him/her.....

It was really amazing to se him/her hanging around in there. We were over the moon. I was sad to hear at that appt. that I would no longer need to see my RE. Since baby was measuring right on target and had a nice strong HB we have no need to go back insert depressed face here> there were lots of hugs and such. It's a scary feeling to "graduate" from your RE.

I spent Thursday looking for a new OB and found one I want to go see. I left a message and was finally able to schedule an appointment today. It's December 21st. Which of course seems like FOREVER away! Ugh.

Oh well. I'll be 10 weeks exactly then (god willing) so it should make for a good appointment.

We still haven't made any public announcement about being PG. We told our immediate families and we know that some extended knows because some people couldn't wait to spill the news. We're going to try to keep it off FB until after 1st tri. Only 5 more weeks to go!

I've been feeling okay. The only constant symptom is that I'm tired ALL THE TIME. The nausea comes and goes but when it comes it usually when I haven't eaten in a while. I've been having trouble finding things I want to eat which has been a huge pain in the butt. But I need to eat something. Saltines have been my best friend for the last 3 weeks.

I've been having some weird pains in my lower stomach/abdomen for the last few days. Last time I had them was around 5 weeks. Dr. said the were normal. Stretching pains and what not. the aren't uber painful, more annoying than anything.

The days I feel terrible are the days I'm the happiest. :) Mr. LB says I'm a sick, sick person Lol but those of you that are PG or have been know that you find comfort in the days you feel the worst because it reminds you that your pregnant.

I've been doing a lot of praying. A LOT of praying. This whole situation is still very surreal to me. I really can't believe I made it this far. I sometimes just sit and stare at the u/s picture in complete and utter disbelief that THAT is OUR baby. When I hugged my RE for the last time on Thursday and thanked her I don't think anything words I could have said would have sufficed for how grateful I am to her. How do you thank the person who helped give you a child?! How do you ever express that in words? I've been waiting for a good day to sit and write her a letter. I don't want to just send a regular old thank you card and gift.

I have a feeling this will be a multiple page thing.

Well, that's my update for this week :) I'm going to do my updates on Monday's from now on since every Monday is a new week.

Lots of baby/pregnancy dust to all!

Patiently waiting.....

Well things over at the LB Home have been good :)
We decided to tell our immediate family on Thanksgiving that Baby Love Bud was on the way. Everyone was beyond thrilled.

Me on the other hand, I'm still ridiculously nervous.

I've been feeling "okay" which worries me. Aside from being tired all the time, sore tatas, and nausea here and there I've been alright.
I feel like I should feel worse!

Our next u/s is on 12.3 and we,ll be looking for a baby and a heartbeat. I'm just praying everyday that it goes well.

We've been thinking of the future in an effort to remain positive. It's all so wonderful to think about. Next holidays, god willing, there will be 3 of us. Well, 4 including the pup :)

First u/s.....

Well today was our first u/s! RE basically wanted me to come in to check on he progress and most importantly make sure our little bagel had implanted in the right place.

AND everything looked great !

We got to see the sac and the yolk sac. RE say I'm measuring 5 weeks and 3 days. Right on target.


We will go back in 2 weeks 12/3 to hopefully see a hb and our little "bagel" (as my DH has so lovingly named him/her).

I'd also like to add to this how much I absolutely LOVE my RE. She is truly amazing. When she first walked in to the u/s room she said "and look at where we are today!" then she proceeded to tell me we wouldn't see a hb because she didn't want me to freak out and asked me how I've been doing. I asked her about the pains from yesterday she said it was all normal and that I'd probably continue experiencing all kinds of fun stuff. DH pointed out that I have been very irritable (thanks DH! lol) and the Dr. told him he was gonna be dealing with that for a while so he should just suck it up!

She did the u/s we went over my PNV's and continuing progesterone and told me to go back in 2 weeks. Before she left she gave me the biggest hug. A REAL hug, like the kind your mom would give. Again, love her!
The nurse, Judy, is fabulous too. I'm so truly lucky!

For now, I feel like I can breathe a little easier for the time being. I know come the week of the next u/s I'll probably be a nervous wreck but for now I'm content that the bagel is growing in the right place :)

Beta #2 is in!

and it was 714!

we had beta #1 at 14dpiui result was 102 and #2 was scheduled for yesterday at 18dpiui. The nurse had told me it should be around 600 when I asked on Monday but I was prepared for it to be around 400.

I was ecstatic to hear the news! I told Mr. LB and he gave me the biggest hug and kiss and actually cried.
He told me to not tell people he cried because then he would lose his "street cred". Nerd. <3

Anyway, I need to make and appointment for a "baby scan" next week. I have no idea what a baby scan is but I'm assuming there will be some kind of u/s involved. We're very excited, hopeful and just praying that we'll see little "Bagel" in there when we go.

Wish us luck!!

Happy 2nd Anniversary to Us!

I've been a bad blogger but I didn't want to jump the gun on any details until I knew what the final outcome was. So here's the story......

Last Monday, I went in for my P4 blood work I got the results back on Wednesday. They were really low @ 6.5. They should have been at 15+ on a medicated cycle or at least above 10 which is what you need in order to sustain a healthy pregnancy. I was crushed. I thought it was over and the cycle had failed. I had been very negative about the whole thing and really tried not to think too much about it. Anyway....The nurse that called to give me my results called back after speaking with my RE and they decided to put me on P4 supplements.



I was to pick them up the next day. Thursday, which was 11dpt. I had already put it in my calender that I would test at 11dpt because I had heard the trigger only stays in your system for 10 days. So that morning I woke up and POAS.


The result....

I honestly thought I was hallucinating.

Once I got home from picking up my P4 supplements at the RE's office, I told Mr. LoveBud. He then proceeded to sing "We Are the Champions" in honor of his "boys" and hugged and kissed me. He was very excited. Since the RE's nurse was not there when I picked up the supps. I called and left a message regarding the HPT. The nurse called back and told me it was most likely a false positive. Totally bummed. I then spent several hours googling how long the trigger stays in your system.

Google is the enemy.

But, in an effort to be proactive, the next day I went and bought two digitals before a wedding rehearsal and promptly stopped at my nearest Staples and took the first one. The result....

That was followed by another digi the next day and 2 more Dollar Store tests in the days following. All with the same result. So, yesterday I went for my beta. Today, I took Dollar Store test #3 (obsessive much? I think so) at about 7am and waited all day for the nurse to call....

at 3:00pm she finally did and what better day than our anniversary to find out that my beta came in at 102!
My P4 went up to 23.9!

We are cautiously thrilled beyond belief! After 18 long months....finally?! Really?!

I keep looking at the tests just to reassure myself.

I got in for another beta on Friday and if all is well we should have our first u/s by 11.23

Aside from the readers here, my DH, my BFF's and my aunt, we haven't told anyone and really want to wait until after our first u/s to tell the family. We'll probably wait until Christmas to tell the rest of our friends.

We're just praying for this baby to stick around for the next 8 months or so. We'd really like to meet him/her. :) Any sticky dust you can spare would be greatly appreciated!

Thoughts On Becoming A Mother.

Author Unknown

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought,
without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation
are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child,
knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight,
this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends
will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child
that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife,
a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

All IUI's should be THIS fun!

I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible, btw.

You ever have one of those weeks where you feel like everything is going wrong and when you think it can't get any worse some else happens and all you can do is laugh?

Yup! that was my morning.

So we get to the RE's office at 8am. DH gave his "sample" and the nurse told us that it would be about 45 minutes to and hour for the wash. By the time they called it was about 9:30am. We went in to the room and the nurse was really nice. The first thing she said was "This is where the magic happens" How romantic!

She told us the post-wash count was 60 million and then gave me a brief run through of what would be happening. She asked if I had any questions and then we started.

Thus began the funny part.....

They could not get the catheter in to my uterus. She tried a couple of times and it just was not working. She then went and found another nurse to try. She was a little rougher but the discomfort/pain was bearable.

Nurse #1 was trying to take my mind of what was going on by asking me when I wanted to do my P4 b/w and then asked me if this was my first insemination to which I responded yes. She replied, "Oh no! I'm so sorry we're ruining it for you"

Nurse #2 also had no luck.

They said they would call the RE and have him do it. Great!

Well the RE was doing an ET. They said he would be about 45 minutes. So we went back out to the waiting room and waited. Thankfully, the RE's office has a computer station with internet access so I was able to keep myself entertained. Mind you, the RE's office closes at 9:30 on Sundays. At this point it was already about 10:25am so the office was completely empty they had turned off some of the lights and it was just DH & I. I soooo wanted to take a nap. We got gotten up at 5:30am to make to almost 2 hour drive to the office.

Anyway, once the Dr. was done we went back in to the room.

He was really nice and tried to make me comfortable.

As it turns out, my uterus is backwards which equals a painful IUI.

I didn't see what was going on because I was laying down but I do know that they inserted the speculum, then he inserted a needle (yes, a needle in my vagina!) with an anesthetic to numb the area (so glad I didn't see this part, I would have freaked out), then put in the tenaculum

and used it to straighten the angle between the cervix and the uterus could he insert the catheter. The whole thing was really painful and took about 15 minutes. Much worse than the HSG. DH was nervous since he saw everything they were sticking in there but he was really good at trying to get me to relax.

After they were done they left us in the room so I could lay for about 15-20 minutes. At this point DH started his comedy hour. He was being super silly and loving which was great :)

Once the time was up we went home. On the way down the elevator the IVF patients that the RE was working on before be got on when we passed the lab floor. Nurses 1 & 2 were with us also and Nurse #1 was chatting with her. The wife was saying how the ET went so much better than she could have ever hoped and that sh was so excited. I was so happy for her. I didn't even know this woman and at that instant I just wanted to hug her and wish her luck! Wherever you are lady in the elevator, I wish you lots of luck and hope your embies snuggle in for the long haul!!!

So now I'm home and up from my nice long nap. I laid in the car since sitting was just not an option and I'm still in a bit of pain now which is usually made better once I lay down.
I'll be back there tomorrow for IUI #2.

The RE that's doing it tomorrow did my HSG so I'm hoping he'll have an easier time.

That's all for today :) I'll have a brief update after tomorrow.

A breif mornng rant...

Dear Cervix,

You suck.

Tis' all.

Yours Truly,

Me



I'll elaborate once I get home.

Good end to a not so good week.....

"Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of life. -Maureen Hawkins"

This week has been pretty crazy for me. I think when I started this cycle I had expectations on how things would go. I thought I would have responded a little better to the meds which turned out to be not so much. I also found out that one of my really good friends/my god-daughter's mom is pregnant with #2. I haven't really had any trouble dealing with friends being PG but yesterday, I think due to my being extra hormonal, I lost it. Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic for them. She's going to be 40 so I know they were eager to get pregnant soon and had been trying with no luck for almost a year....it was just a shock and I was totally shocked that I reacted that way. Anyway, I'm looking forward to having another baby to spoil. They make adorable kids.

Ok...back to the cycle.

On Thursday, CD 12 I went in for my first u/s and E2 check. My largest follie was about 15mm and my E2 was 173. I was asked to go back on Fri. That testing showed an E2 of 199 and my follie was up to 17mm. Today my E2 was at 273 and Mr. Follie is up to 22mm! I'm a little disappointed that I only have 1 but, 1 is better than none.

The RE's office called and said to do the trigger tonight between 7-9pm (DONE!). Tomorrow morning at 8am we'll report to IUI #1, then back again Monday morning for IUI #2.

So! Here we go!
I'm really excited but also incredibly nervous. I'm trying to be positive without getting my hopes too high. Something that is SO HARD to do.

Wish us luck! I'll be back to tell you about it tomorrow.