There might be a small chance....

That I *could* get pregnant this cycle.

!!!!!!!

Initially I thought I was out this cycle since I'd be out of town and away from my H during O. The latest I have ovulated (since I began charting) is CD 27 and according to the calendar, I wasn't due to arrive home until CD 31, which was way past any real hope of conceiving a baby. So I decided to enjoy my "off" month and take a charting break......which I am now regretting.

Half way through my 3.5 week trip to FL I got a wild hair and decided to change my departing date and come home 5 days earlier, or on CD 26. So maybe, just maybe there is a chance I might get pregnant (remember, last month I ovulated on CD 27)! To further my excitement, I was super stoked to arrive back home to an overwhelming amount of EWCM, which is an oddity for me. Another promising sign that pregnancy is not out of the question is the morning I left for the airport my temp was 96.50 and the following morning it rose to 97.60. Talk about a spike! But of course I have 15 days of missing temps prior and an explanation for my low temp could have been my 4:30 AM waking time in preparation for my early morning flight (which I missed BTW. Lucky for me I was able to get out later in the day).

So who knows. I guess I will find out the answer in the next few days. Either AF will arrive or I will get my BFP. Sigh. I am not holding my breath. The cynic in me says AF will be arriving any day now......

PB&J Bud :)

Had our first appointment with the RE

I chose a practice that seemed tailor made for us. They have an office 5 minutes from where I work and also an office 10 minutes from where I live. Considering I work an hour away from where I live, I was pretty impressed with this! We are able to go back and forth between offices freely because both doctors in the practice visit both offices regularly. They are also open 7 days a week and have extended/late hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I was fully prepared to go in with my guns blazing demanding aggressive treatment. Dr. M was amazingly thorough and detailed. And, blessedly, aggressive. I didn't even need to lay out on the table what I wanted because it was what he immediately suggested.

We're going straight to IUI. We will do one cycle on 100mg of Clomid with IUI.

Photo Credit

Photo Credit

I'm nervous, excited and scared. This month will cost us a little over $2,000. Insurance doesn't cover anything infertility related so we're on our own with the costs. I honestly can't believe we've reached the point where we are paying thousands of dollars to have a baby but we just so badly want to expand our family. We were able to afford to pay for this cycle outright but anything past this, we're going to need to investigate financial options. Our RE's office told us about a program called www.carecredit.com which is a line of credit specifically for health care costs.

So let's hope this cycle works! I'm terrified at how I will feel if it doesn't. I hate how jaded I've become because I already feel like I'm preparing myself for disappointment.

Let the Sun shine down

You’re never alone in a sea of sunflowers. I’m Sunflower Bud and my favorite flower is the sunflower. You very rarely see a lone sunflower growing alone. You most often see a whole sea of them supporting each other. Always facing the sun and reaching for it with all their might. Basking in the warmth and brightness. Hoping. Always hoping.

I’m a 33 year old mother to the most wonderful 2 year old in the world. She’s bright and caring and funny and beautiful and wise beyond her years. She’s everything I could ever want in a child and so much more. Because of how blessed we are to have such a child, naturally we want more!

We have been TTC our second child since March 2009. Since our daughter wasn’t planned, I naively thought our second would be just as easy. I was wrong. Very wrong. After 9 months of charting and seeing that I was ovulating normally but not having any other fertile signs, I went to my OB/GYN. She looked over my charts and agreed that I “should” have gotten pregnant by now. She ran the usual gamut of tests and everything came back normal. She assumed that while I was ovulating normally, perhaps my eggs weren’t the best quality. So onward to Clomid! I responded QUITE well to 50mg of Clomid. My progesterone levels jumped to 45 and 55 both months I took Clomid. Yay! She was positive I was releasing more than 1 egg. So why wasn’t I getting pregnant?

Next up came the SHG. I had already had an HSG a few months before my daughter was conceived (long long long story involving an ex-husband and a different chapter in my life) due to trouble conceiving and it was crystal clear (and VERY painful!). The SHG, on the other hand, painless. Just some discomfort from the insertion of the speculum but I encounter that when I get my PAP so it wasn’t much different. Dr. L immediately saw a massive fibroid that was taking up approximately 75% of my uterus. So out it needed to come! I went in for a hysteroscopic myomectomy to have it removed. While in there, she was surprised that she didn’t immediately see the fibroid considering it’s size. It was covered by a lot of scar tissue that was spider webbed all across my uterus! She believes that the fibroid was there, but very small, when I had my c-section and the sweep that the OB/GYN did to make sure the placenta was out, caused the scar tissue to form over the fibroid. Meanwhile, the fibroid just continued to grow in size underneath all the scar tissue over the next 2 years. She equated my ability to implant as “trying to climb the Himalayas and find a nice soft grassy patch to land in…. or basically impossible.”

Here we are 2 months later and I am moving on to an RE and seeing where we can go from here.

Like the sunflower, I know I am not alone. I am just one in a sea of them… being supported…. Hoping…. Reaching.

11 DPO

I'm already 11 DPO. I can hardly believe it! I'm wondering that since I'm charting and way less stressed out TTC and life in general if that's helping things. My cycle looks like it will be around 32 days instead of the 46 days of my last cycle. That alone makes me happy.
My goal is to wait until 15DPO to test. We'll see if I can actually hold out that long. I keep searching FF's charts like mine. Today it's showing 50% pregnant, 40% ovulatory, 10% m/c. My odds just keep getting better. The real tests is what my temps do on 13 DPO. If they significantly drop, the game is over.

Charting

My chart this month looks very similar to the pattern of temps in my BFP chart. Pink is my BFP Chart from before. Blue is my current cycle and green is the cycle before my BFP. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it's hard!

4DPO and not crazy yet!

I'm 4DPO and trying to keep busy during the 2WW. I'm so thrilled my cycles are starting to get back to normal lengths. For some reason, I just feel like this is my lucky cycle.
Life is getting busy with the addition of a part time job at a local movie theater. If I end up being pregnant this cycle, I'm not sure how long this position will last. I had horrible morning sickness when I was pregnant with Little Daisy Bud #1. I'm not thinking the smell of popcorn would help this any.

What Next!!!!

We just got the news that the cost of health insurance at Mr. Daisy Bud is going to skyrocket and the coverage is going to be much less. So much less that we're not sure if we will be able to afford to continue the insurance with them. That's where the trouble lies. All of the private insurance plans require you to be on them for 18 months before being pregnant. Plus with the additional medical cost I don't know what we should really be doing.
I guess we'll just have to see what happens this cycle since I'm within a day or so of Oing anyways. I really don't want to have to stop TTC, but I'm really not sure of any other options.

Coincidence?

An interesting coincidence about this cycle is that the cycle that we conceived Little Daisy Bud 2 years ago started on October 13th, which happens to be the same day this cycle started. I'm hoping this is a good sign.

AF Arrived

I'm seriously depressed. I honestly thought that this was our cycle.
I'm avoiding my favorite message boards because of the large influx of BFPs in the last couple days. I want to be able to be able to be happy for these girls, but I just can't at this point. I am just so darn jealous and so sad for myself. 15 months of not preventing, almost 7 months of trying. While I know this is almost nothing, compared to how long other have waited and struggled, my heart aches. Will we ever get to have another baby? Is there something wrong with me?
Tonight is my night to mope. Tomorrow I will be strong again and keep myself busy enough so that I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. Life goes on.

Scared

To test. I'm 15 DPO with no AF yet. AF should have arrived already. I have zero tests on hand to prevent the temptation to test early. I'm scared of either possible results. BFN means that it's highly likely that we might have some issues. BFP means I have to deal with morning sickness and a toddler at the same time.
And it's snowing here. The thought of having to get Little Daisy Bud bundled up in his little snowsuit and in to the car seat makes me cringe. I may have to brave it so that I don't have to wait in indecision much longer.
Symptoms so far (whether they are AF, in my head, or pregnancy related): Extreme bloating, tiredness, slight nauseousness.

Slow Week!

www.nysut.org/.../hs.xsl/mediareleases_12472.htm

Remember when I said that this week should go by really fast? I lied! This week is dragging by. It's been rainy and cold for the past 5 days. Little Daisy Bud and I have been pretty much sticking around at home.

To make matters worse, Little Daisy Bud has had a cold and has not been sleeping very much. From 1am on, he would only sleep with Mr.Daisy Bud or me. He would keep changing positions every 5 minutes or so and whine. It's been a long couple of nights, making us wonder if we can do the whole newborn thing again.

2WW: One week down, one to go!

I'm halfway done with the 2ww already. Our timing was pretty good, but it was the last several months, too. I guess at this point I'm no longer hopeful to see a BFP anytime soon. Next week should be pretty busy, so I really won't have a whole lot of time to think/worry about it.
In other news, one of my BFFs just had a baby girl on Wednesday. It's her 2nd child. (Her first is about a year older than little Daisy Bud #1.) I'm so happy for her and her husband. Seeing her son with the baby makes me so excited for little Daisy Bud #1 to be a big brother.

Getting nervous

for Little Daisy Bud #1. I really need to get my annual physical set up. The last one I had was a week before I got my BFP. At that appointment the doctor had discussed the possibility of having polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS).  Because I ended up pregnant that cycle (after 9 months/6 cycles of trying) we never ended up following up on diagnosis. Since it doesn't seem to be getting any easier to conceive Little Daisy Bud #2, I'm concerned.

Is It Really Friday Again?!

We're starting to get the hang of our fall schedule. Little Daisy Bud has his first day of early childhood class today. He was just a tiny baby at the start of last school year and now he's a walking, talking toddler. Time goes by way too fast!
Next week we start back with our MOPS group. I'm curious to see how many new pregnancies will be announced. Our group tends to always have at least two or three pregnant ladies. One of my closest friends, who happens to also be in the group, is in her final weeks of pregnancy for her second child. I can't wait to hear that her little girl is here. One of the nicest things about the group is that we bring new moms meals for a week or two.
I'm still waiting to O, but I've been too busy to really think and/or worry about it. I didn't end up starting to use my CBEFM because I have no idea where I put it. We used it to conceive Little Daisy Bud #1 and when he was a couple months old (and I was scared to death at the thought of getting pregnant again) I put it away somewhere "safe" for next time around. Hopefully it will turn up soon.

Which is worse?

I can never decide which is worse, waiting to O or the 2WW. For me, waiting to O is highly unpredictable. Stress seems to screw things up even more. It can happen as early as day 16 or as late as day 60. This keeps life interesting because finding time to BD with a husband who works irregular hours and a little Daisy Bud running around is quite difficult.
On the other hand, the 2WW is much more predictable. It's always 15 DPO that AF arrives. Resisting the urge to POAS too early is hard and so is over analyzing every possible pregnancy and/or AF symptom is enough to drive me crazy.
What do you think is the worst?

What a week!

Mr. Daisy Bud is work position right now is as a floater. Every week and/or every day he can be working at a different time. For the last week he was been working midnight to 8am. This makes a difficult week for me as a SAHM trying to keep Little Daisy Bud quiet while Mr. Daisy Bud is sleeping. It also makes it quite difficult to find a chance to BD. Thank goodness I didn't end up Oing this week. Any tips on how to work around this type of schedule?

One of my old co-workers who had struggled with IF had twin baby girls a couple weeks ago. I was so excited for her that I had to make them both baby quilts (and a few other small gifts). I can't even imagine how hard it must have been working in our office where there was a pretty much constant stream of pregnant women. I'm so happy for her!

Baby quilts are so much fun to make. I definitely will be making Little Daisy Bud #2's bedding. I wish I would have for Little Daisy Bud #1's. We never used most of his set because the sheets were so scratchy. What a waste of money!

I'm surrounded!

While I know it probably because I'm aware of how much I want to be pregnant again, I've been noticing pregnant women all over the place. Yesterday Mr. Daisy Bud and I took Little Daisy Bud to the MN State Fair. The large variety of delicious foods much have drawn them all in because you couldn't walk 10 feet without seeing a pregnant woman.

I think I remember reading somewhere that the birth rate is down right now, but I find that hard to believe. Anyone else seeing tons of pregnant ladies around?

Not much new

Right now I'm waiting to O. I have such good feelings about this cycle. First, it would lead to a June due date. After having a July baby last time around, I would prefer not to be pregnant over the majority of the summer. (But for another sweet little Daisy Bud, I would be willing to suffer through another summer pregnancy if I have to.)

Me, last pregnancy, two days before little Daisy Bud #1 was born. Huge and Uncomfortable.

Two, we would just barely end up with two under two. A much less scary prospect.

Three, with many teachers in both my family and Mr. Daisy Bud's family, we would have plenty of available help for Little Daisy Bud #1 and the new little bud.

I really shouldn't let myself get this excited about this particular cycle. Does anyone else talk yourself into why a certain cycle would be the "perfect" timing?

AF arrived- finally!

Which would explain the horrible PMS headaches I've been having for the last couple days. I kind decide if I'm sad that it was our cycle or if I'm just relieved to have AF show up so that we can try again.
Mr. Daisy Bud told me last night that he thinks we are really ready for little Daisy Bud #2, but he still worries about having enough money to add another baby to our family. He thinks everything will be solved if I can get find a job. Unfortunately if we had two in daycare we would make nothing. Hopefully Mr. Daisy Bud's job will continue to stay stable so that we do not have to stop TTC.

To test or not to test? That is the question.

I can't decide if I should test again. The last time I tested was last Friday. I am on cycle day #49. I'm trying to hold out a few more days because of my lack of knowing for sure my ovulation date. (Or in fact, if I have even ovulated at all yet.)
I think I'm going to start using my CBEFM again next cycle if I don't get my BFP this month. This not knowing where I am in my cycle is driving me crazy.