The Rainbow Connection...

When I was a little girl growing up, my parents took me to see the Muppets and told me that I should dare to dream and that if I could dream it I could achieve it. I listened to Kermit as he sang "The Rainbow Connection" and knew growing up that wishes and dreams were possible....

Photography Credit

Today I went in for my second Follie Check and my wish came true. I have been praying all along that this cycle go smoothly, that I feel at peace, and that I grow lots of follies. Today's ultrasound was great! I had 12 or more follies on each ovary 10 and above and tonight my dose of Follistim drops to 150iu for the next two nights. I go back in for my third and final Follie Check on Thursday. I told Dr. T that he was amazing and asked him how could he get so many eggs from me this time at a much lower dose; when my first IVF at my old clinic stimmed me with 375iu. He smiled and told me that he just knew. I love the fact that my RE is so positive and a dreamer like me. God has used him to make so many people's dreams come true and I know some way, some how mine will come true one day too...

Until Next Time,

Pre-IVF Appointment

I just got back from the RE where I had my pre-IVF appointment, which consisted of a catheter check/mock transfer, more bloodwork, and injection training. I also got my IVF calendar.

Catheter Check/Mock Transfer
- No one told me this part would hurt!!! I guess I never really asked either, but OUCH. The pain was comparable to my HSG, but the cramping is still going. Basically, the RE puts in the catheter that they use to do the embryo transfer to get an idea of where she is going with it for the real thing. She also used the vag cam, as if I wasn't already uncomfortable enough.

Bloodwork- This was our infectious disease panel. Mr. Sassy Bud got to partake in the blood drawing fun also. Too bad the nurse wouldn't give him the pink bandage like I requested.

Injection Training
- The first three injections I will be taking seemed like no biggie (Lupron, Follistim, & low dose HCG). The post ER drug, on the other hand, NOT fun. PIO- Progesterone in Oil- is painful and the needle is big.

IVF Calendar
- Basically I have one more week of BCP, a few days of Lupron, and then I start my other meds to stimulate my ovaries. Timing wise- I could be PG by Thanksgiving, depending on my response!

I don't have to go back for monitoring until next CD1, which should be about 2 weeks from today.

A good CD1

Typically CD1 is a letdown where all your waiting and hoping for the cycle comes crashing down. This CD1 is different for me. It marks the beginning of my first IVF cycle!



I'm going to try to explain the IVF process as I go through it in a way that is understandable to those who have never been through it, so if I seem to "dumb it down" a little, that's why. This pic gives a general idea of the process, although in our case the egg and sperm go through a little different process. Because of our MFI, the RE will be fertilizing them.

Photo Credit

When I met with the RE, they told me to call on CD1 to schedule CD3 blood work. I will be going to the RE this Thursday to do the blood work, and I think they may do a transvaginal ultrasound then too. At that point I believe I also start BCP's. The purpose of the BCP is to suppress my natural cycle until they are ready to stimulate. A few weeks after I start BCP I also take a drug called Lupron which is part of the suppression process.



I am on BCP & Lupron for a total of 3 weeks. Once I stop the BCP, I will get a withdrawal bleed and with that CD1, my IVF process begins. During the 3 weeks, Mr. Sassy Bud and I have to do infectious disease testing along with training on how to do the injections for the IVF medications. Mr. Sassy Bud will be in charge of giving me all my shots. Fortunately for me, he has no issues with needles. I'm not a huge fan of them, but you do what you have to do.

I also got all of the information as far as financing our IVF process. Our insurance covers most of the procedures and medications. I am so fortunate to have this coverage! The total OOP expense came to a little over $2k, which includes our copay of 10% of the IVF procedure, the anesthesia (which may be covered but is not billable) and the surgical supplies (also may be covered). I believe all of our meds will also be covered. The only bad news is that with this IVF we are maxing out our lifetime coverage for IF treatments. If this one doesn't work, we will be 100% OOP for any other treatments we do. That is a scary thought, and the thing that is stressing me out the most about the whole process.

So that is where we are right now. I'll be sure to update after my CD3 appointment.

Next up- more appointments.

I feel like my TTC journey moves in slow motion sometimes. It's frustrating having to make appointment after appointment for Mr. Sassy Bud and I, but it's a necessary evil, so we do it.

Mr. SB is going in for his repeat S/A tomorrow.

I also went to my gyno and got our referral to the RE so we can officially start going to their office even though we have had all our procedures done there already.

The consultation appointment is on my birthday. I'm hoping that it wasn't a bad idea to schedule it that day. I'm pretty much already prepared for IVF as a treatment course based on our S/A results, so I don't know that I will really get any bad news at the appointment. Hopefully it is moreso exciting than upsetting, even though just making the appointment yesterday turned me into an emotional mess. I just have to be strong, and keep moving forward. February will mark 2 years of TTC. I desperately hope to be pregnant by then.

Good news, bad news

Went to my RE's local office today for my suppression check and lucky me we're in limbo again.

Bad news: I have a cyst on my left ovary.
Good news: The nurse says that because my lining is thin and my period started, the cyst is likely non-functioning, meaning it's probably not producing hormones and therefore won't affect my cycle.
Bad news: If my estrogen level comes back at 50 or higher, I have to delay the cycle and keep coming in every 4-5 days until the cyst goes away. I'll know this afternoon what my level is.
Good news: Because I have a cyst, my insurance will cover the ultrasound today.

Now we wait.

Dusting off memories

Sometimes it's tough coming here and reading about the pregnant Buds. A couple months ago I could not have read these posts at all. I never ventured beyond the Miscarriage/Loss board on the Bump. I couldn't even bring myself to look at the Infertility boards until after my second D&C was scheduled. Thank goodness I'm terrible with dates and numbers, so I quickly lost track of how many weeks pregnant I would have been on a given day. But when I come here I recall that Dandelion Bud and I had our BFPs around the same time and yeah, it makes me sad, but I've come a long way since May. I am seeing signs of life.

This weekend I peeked at the few pregnancy supplies that I'd stashed away after our loss. I'd collected some pregnancy books from the RE, OB, and Costco. I'd purchased a Doppler (found the HB at 10 weeks). And I'd ordered a few cute stuffed animals on Etsy. Everything is still concealed until I get my BFP.

On a more positive note, we have a few important milestones this week in our donor cycle.

• I started my Lupron shots and took my last birth control pill.
• Mr. GB is headed to our RE's local office tomorrow to sign consent forms and make our final payment of $14,800 for this cycle. (We've already put down a $5k deposit and paid about $1800 for donor meds. We'd owe another $2k if our RE hadn't waived our coordination fee. And to think we've already done a donor cycle once before. Ouch.)
• Thursday is my suppression check and the official start of my donor cycle. Assuming I have no cysts, I'll start wearing my estrogen patches and go back for 2 appointments to check my lining thickness and estrogen levels.

Going in for my suppression check Thursday is going to be bittersweet. The last time I was at the RE's local office, I was pregnant and hugging everyone goodbye. I didn't expect to see them so soon. I hope I can hold it together.

*taps foot*

Let me start by saying... I am NOT patient. At all. I hate waiting. Hate hate hate it.

So this wait to see the RE again on the 24th? DRAGGING. Holy cow, it's going so slow. And of course in the meantime, I'm perusing Dr. Google. Trying to absorb any and all information on injections and high FSH and IUI, etc.

I've never wanted to ovulate so badly in my life and for completely different reasons than normal! Usually it's to get to the baby making. But since that is such a slim chance on our own, now I want to ovulate so that I can hurry up and get my 7dpo bloodwork and get in to see the RE to actually hear the next steps out of his mouth and get my prescription and get this show on the road.

Waiting, waiting waiting... SUCKS.

Here we go...

I've come to a decision that I am ready to get out of my TTC limbo. After Mr. Sassy Bud's bad S/A results, I got to a point where I was feeling quite defeated and I just didn't care about anything TTC related anymore.

My friends that moved to Germany 6 months ago came back to visit us recently. After having a baby in the house for the past few weeks, I have found my motivation to keep going. Mr. Sassy Bud told me the other day that he is going in for his repeat S/A soon. I also finally made my appointment to see my ob/gyn for my annual, and I will ask for my RE referral at that time. I'm anxious to hear what they have to say regarding what our options are. I'm ready to go forward with whatever we need to do right now to get pregnant.

"Everything's normal" ~ shouldn't that be a good thing?

After our IVF BFN, Mr. Chef Bud and I talked about our next steps. We can't afford to dive right back into IVF, and honestly I don't even think I would want to at this point. I feel like there is something wrong, and for a doctor to just label me unexplained and want to go right to IVF just doesn't seem like a smart decision. We decided to get a second opinion, and made an appointment with a a group affiliated with the local university.

Photo Credit

We had our first appointment last month and it was such a refreshing change from RE #1. Dr. M sat down with us for almost an hour and talked through all of my issues, our failed cycles and what he thought we should do to move forward. We set our plan for the next three months which included:

Month 1:

Antral follicle count ultrasound and day 3 bloodwork ~ to test for my "maternal age" and see if my eggs are on younger, on track or older than my actual age

Saline Sonogram ~ to check my uterus for abnormal growth such as fibroids or polyps

Month 2:

Endometrial biopsy ~ to see if my cycle is "in phase". This will be done during my luteal phase to see if my lining is doing what it is supposed to be doing during this time of my cycle.

Month 3:

Mock cycle ~ using estrogen and progesterone to see if we can get my lining where we want it and stop the spotting

So far I've completed the antral follicle count (17 follicles), bloodwork (all normal) and saline sonogram (no uterine abnormalities). I feel like I should be happy and consider this good news, but I just want something to be able to fix. I want the doctor to say, "Oh, lookie here...we'll just take care of this and you'll be good to go!" I am trying to look on the bright side and be thankful that everything looks good so far, but I have to keep reminding myself that being normal = good news.

While I wait for the next couple of months of diagnostic testing, I have been trying to improve my fertililty by improving my lifestyle. I got the book Making Babies after a friend recommended it to me, and I am doing my best to follow the program outlined for my fertility type. I have changed my diet to be (mostly) whole, unprocessed foods (eating organic when I can), I'm limiting alcohol to one day a week, taking supplements, focusing on relaxing and destressing and going to acupuncture once a week. I feel like these steps are good for my overall health so even if this isn't going to be the magic formula that gets us pregnant, I will still be healthier. It's been a hard transisition to change my eating habits, but I think I'm doing pretty good and getting better every week. At least I feel like I am doing something while we save for another round of IVF.

So for now we're just moving forward slowly, which is definitely hard for someone like me who likes to be moving full-speed ahead. I'm learning that I have to be patient and give these lifestyle changes some time to take affect in my body. I haven't spotted yet this month and I'm already on CD 18, so maybe this stuff is really working and I will have great news to report at the end of the month.

waitwaitwait

Here I am on day 12 of the 2ww. I am feeling pretty pessimistic about the outcome of our first IUI, as my temp has started to drop and I am extremely irritable and tired. I already got a BFN yesterday. I will possibly test tomorrow morning for kicks if I am in the mood--I don't think seeing another BFN this cycle will upset me, since it's totally what I expect.

We had our appointment with Prof. L, the senior RE today. Originally when I scheduled the appointment, I was sure that I would have known the outcome of this cycle for a week already, but since I ended up Oing much later than usual, such was not the case. This coming cycle we will be taking a break from treatment since we will be away, but the following cycle when we get back we plan to do Clomid IUI. Our chances should be significantly better than with unmedicated IUI. The current plan is 3 cycles of Clomid IUI and then if that doesn't work, we'll move on to injectibles. I was happy to learn that I shouldn't be very concerned about my fibroid or about my strange follicle maturation patterns (hopefully induced ovulation will help to normalize things anyway).

One thing that made me feel like an idiot was not writing out my questions in advance. I told him that I had a ton of questions and then subsequently forget 75% of them. I felt pretty dumb and now the questions are creeping back. One major concern I have is the risk of multiples. I was born 2 months prematurely and in my mom's next pregnancy, she lost twins during the 2nd tri. Her ob/gyn told her there was no way she would have been physically able to carry twins to near-term. I have the same build and am the same size as my mom and I worry that I also will not be able to successfully carry multiples. I was wondering whether it would be more appropriate for me to try Femara instead of Clomid since the risk of multiples is lower, but I guess I will have a lot of time now until the beginning of my next treatment cycle to ask the question anyway.

Our appointment was totally OOP (and quite expensive!), so imagine our surprise when at the end of the appointment, Prof. L told us that he wasn't going to charge us anything because he in principle won't bill other doctors. How freaking nice is that? We were shocked and so appreciative. I am hoping for a relaxed break cycle with less stress in my life and the opportunity to step up my running to get in better shape. We still plan to try on our own, though that obviously hasn't gotten us so far in the past :)

Surgery was a success!

Went into my RE appointment thinking I was just having a vaginal ultrasound.... wasn't I surprised to find out I was having a hysteroscopy?! All was well though. It wasn't painful or uncomfortable at all so they didn't do the local anesthesia they normally do for it. My RE's words were "It didn't hurt because I did it." He's just a little cocky...

The hysteroscopy showed a beautiful and perfect uterus. Everything has healed up beyond Dr. P's expectations and he said it's looking absolutely wonderful. He held up the "before" pictures from before he started my surgery and compared them to the screen showing what it looks like now. It doesn't even look like the same uterus anymore. It's absolutely clear in there and you can see both tubes wide open. The endometrial tissue has grown tremendously and there is no sign of the scarring from surgery where the fibroid was.

He was beyond impressed and had a huge smile on his face the entire time. This is a man who rarely shows any personality or emotion. When I remarked about it to Debbie, his nurse, she was laughing and said that he's always bursting at the seams when he knows he did an exceptional job.

He said I can stop the Premarin and Provera today and that I am to return for CD3 bloodwork to check my estradiol and FSH levels when I get my next "natural" period. In other words, not this coming period since it will be hormone induced. Then is CD22 bloodwork to test estradiol again and progesterone. I asked him if we were okay to try on our own naturally this month after my period starts and he said without a doubt, absolutely and he strongly encourages it. We'll also try on our own naturally with timed intercourse the following cycle. He said after those 2 cycles, I will come back in 2 weeks after my CD22 blood work and we'll discuss the results and our next steps if I am not pregnant.

I feel MUCH better about that than what he had decided last time (6 months trying on our own starting in October).

Thoughts at the beginning of our first IUI cycle

One issue I have been struggling with lately as we enter our first IUI cycle is how to deal with missing work for fertility treatments. I recently posted on the Nest GP board about this asking for advice. It is really awkward for me to have to leave work for prolonged periods of time for frequent appointments, especially when the appointments seem spontaneous and unplanned given the unpredictable nature of fertility treatments.

On one hand, I think it sounds like BS to leave for vague, repeated, and unpredictable appointments on short notice. In addition, if it means I have to back out from giving a presentation or going to a conference at the last moment, I feel like it could really trigger concerns about my work ethic or even foster resentment (even if I say it is for a medical appointment, one might ask why I specifically needed to schedule an appointment on the day of something important!).

If I explain I am going for ongoing medical treatments and act vague about it, I don't want to concern people and let their imaginations run wild at what mystery medical problem I might be facing. On the other hand, I really feel like my and DH's effort to conceive is no one else's business and that it's a little TMI--I mean, perhaps they prefer not to know what is going on! Anyway, this is the ongoing monologue in my head that I am currently trying to sort through.

For Mr. Blueberry Bud, the problem is even greater since he has patients scheduled for surgeries months in advance and can't just jump ship and head for the fertility clinic located almost 1 hour from his hospital because his wife's follicle reached the perfect size:-/ We will somehow make this work because it is a priority and we have to make it work but these are some of the anxieties that I am facing right now. I know this must be a common issue for all couples undergoing fertility treatments and we will find our own style and way to navigate, but for now it sure feels like a lot of floundering.

In other news, I had a monitoring ultrasound today on CD 11. My lining was 7.5 but the u/s tech couldn't spot any dominant follicles yet. I hope this isn't a foreshadowing of things to come and that I will still O, albeit maybe a bit late this cycle. Last cycle, I already had a 16mm and 7mm follicle on CD 12 (of course the dominant follicle then started diddly-daddling and grew only 1mm over the next 3 days and I didn't O until 5 days later on CD17). I am trying to think positive thoughts--always hard when you are subconsciously preparing yourself for the next disappointment.

Lastly, I am going to make an appointment tomorrow with a senior RE who is supposed to be amazing. Since we have socialized medicine in Israel, fertility treatment is covered by the government-subsidized health basket (awesome!), but when you go to the fertility clinic you generally see a resident has just completed his rotation in IVF and he consults with a senior RE. If you actually want to deal directly with a senior RE, you need to pay OOP and see him privately. Mr. Blueberry Bud and I decided that at this point it is worth it, especially to get our many questions answered. So far I have seen two of the residents -- one who was really great and another who in addition to not seeming very good, didn't seem to care. If nothing else, I think it will make us at least feel better about the care we are receiving to speak with someone who is very experienced.

Another crappy RE visit

Today was my surgery follow up and IF discussion with the RE. It basically sucked.

He tossed out the blood I had taken Friday because he said it was pointless to test it since I had a hormone therapy cycle right before it, even though I was 5 days off the meds when the nurse drew it. So I have a huge ugly bruise on my arm for nothing.

He said absolutely no TTC this month and to continue with the second round of hormone therapy. And absolutely no TTC next month (August). I have an u/s on July 30th to see how my lining and uterus are looking after 2 rounds of hormone therapy. If he doesn't like the progress, I'll be going on a 3rd round of hormone therapy.

We aren't allowed to start TTC again until after an entire cycle of no meds. So, basically September if the u/s on July 30th looks good or October if it doesn't.

AND... no IUI. No fertility meds. Nothing. 6 months of timed intercourse and OPK's. Basically, starting all over again a year and a half ago. I burst into tears right there in his office. After everything we've been through. Testing, 2 surgeries, waiting upon waiting upon waiting and healing from surgeries... and we have to start over?

He refuses to do any medical intervention except monitoring CD3 and CD22 bloodwork unless a. I'm not ovulating on my own properly or b. It's been 6 months of intercourse and opk's and I'm still not pregnant.

After TTC for so long, 6-9 more months of this feels like forever. And I'm not convinced that it will even work. At least with the thought of IUI or fertility meds, I feel like we're doing SOMETHING in the direction of getting pregnant. Now all I feel like is many more months of timed intercourse, peeing on sticks, taking my temperature and crying when AF shows up at the end of the month.

I'm glad that Dr. P has so much faith in his ability as a surgeon that taking the fibroid out, removing all the cysts, opening the tube and detaching my uterus from my abdominal wall will do the trick and I'll magically get pregnant now. I don't have the same faith though. Mr. SB is thrilled that we won't be spending thousands of dollars and has no problem with waiting another 6-9 months to see if it happens on it's own.

I've cried all day today. I just feel like all the air got sucked out of the room. And I'm angry. I'm pissed off that I went through everything to get this far and I'm essentially right back to charting and timed intercourse. And if it doesn't work like he thinks it will, I'm going to be so upset. If I last that long. My support system is dwindling the longer it takes for me to get pregnant and I don't feel like I have many people to lean on and pick me back up again when I get knocked down. It makes it harder and harder to keep going.

I wish I could just give up but I haven't quite figured out how to walk away from something you want so badly.

No real update so far... my uterus is still on vacation.

Just finished my first completely cycle of hormone therapy. 25 days of meds and 5 days of no meds. Started my period this morning and it's nice and light so far. 27 day cycle is what was normal for me before all the symptoms of the fibroid starting showing up so it's nice to be back to that. Hopefully my period will stay light, which is also what was normal before I had the fibroid.

I've been contemplating whether or not to call the RE and see if I can get in earlier than my July 15th appointment.

My reasoning is that by that appointment, I will have already ovulated. I'm an early ovulator, generally between CD11-13. I'd like for the month to not be out if it doesn't have to be.

Also, from my predictions if my cycles stay on this track, I'll be ovulating in August the week we are out of the country on vacation. Therefore, making any treatment in August impossible. :(

Which means that we wouldn't even be able to begin treatments until September. Which seems like FOREVER from now. Not to mention that I know that once you have fibroids, your chance of them reoccurring is higher so I'm terrified of having another one and needing more surgery.

Amazing what a second opinion can tell you!

We met with the top ranked RE in our state this morning. I was highly impressed immediately when I met him. Dr. P is extremely detail oriented and very thorough. He spent 2 hours with us and had pulled up every single documentation that was in the hospital records system and went through it all with a fine tooth comb.

Dr. P said that he disagrees with everything that Dr. M said.

1. I do not need IVF. At all. He was incredulous that Dr. M even suggested it.
2. It's not a polyp. It's the same fibroid that I had surgery on in February. It's submucosal. Half of it had been embedded in the muscular wall and has now popped out into the uterine cavity and is preventing us from getting pregnant. It does need to be surgically removed especially due to the increasing intensity of my periods. He was concerned when he heard my last period was 9 days long and I was going through super tampons paired with pads and soaking through both in less than an hour.
3. He agrees that the right tube is blocked but disagrees that it can't be removed and he wants to remove it. This would mean I would only get to ovulate out of one tube every other month but it decreases our risk of ectopic pregnancy which is sitting around 10% right now.
4. He disagrees with the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve and said that my FSH should never be tested when my ovaries are covered in cysts because they cause increases in your hormone levels. My FSH in September was 7.8 when I had no cysts.
5. Mr. Sunflower Bud has (in the doctor's exact words) amazing and perfect "donor quality" sperm that he doesn't see very often. Naturally, Mr. Sunflower Bud is all puffed up and feeling good about himself right now.

He said that once we get in there and get everything out, we should have no trouble getting pregnant and he would want to do the IUI (artificial insemination) without any fertility drugs until I actually show signs of ovulation problems. He's very conservative about fertility drugs and feels they shouldn't be used if you already ovulate fine on your own.

I feel like we actually have hope now. If we can just get this fibroid out once and for all...

I go back tomorrow for another SHG so he can get a good look at how the fibroid is situated and if there are any others. He also wants a more in depth look for himself at the blockage on the right tube. Dr. M wrote that it was a hydrosalpinx and Dr. P finds it hard to believe that is the case but won't rule it out until he sees it himself.

Afterward, we'll discuss scheduling the surgery. Another surgery... UGH. But at least this time I know it's just a means to an end.

I held a 4 week old baby girl tonight for over an hour. Just the feel of her in my arms and looking at her sweet face gave me restored hope and faith that one day I will be holding one of my own again.

Where do we go from here?

Extremely emotional appointment with the RE today. He did a SHG to follow up on the HSG that I had on Monday.

He found a very large polyp almost immediately. Even my untrained eye saw it instantly. It was very clear on the screen. He said it was approximately 3cm and needs to be surgically removed.

The cysts are still there and haven't shrunk at all so he wants to have those removed as well.

My right tube is definitely blocked on the outside. Because of this, he said my risk of ectopic pregnancy rises and he recommends going straight to IVF.

Unfortunately, I don't know how we'll afford IVF.

I feel like we've reached a wall that I can't break down or go around. I left the doctor's office and sat in the car and just sobbed and sobbed. Big, loud, heaving sobs. Somehow I made it through the day at work with breaks to go in the bathroom and cry.

And as if that bad news wasn't bad enough.... I got a big box of Enfamil samples in the mail today. Grrrrr.

Diminshed Ovarian Reserve

Yikes. That's what we are possibly facing. It sounds so ominous.

My FSH came back at 10.2 which the nurse said indicates possible diminished ovarian reserve.

I didn't even cry this time when I got the news. I think I'm just numb to bad news now.

So.... we meet with the RE again in 2 weeks. Two days after my ultrasound to see if my cysts are gone. By then, he'll have all my other bloodwork back, including my AMH to see where we go from here.

The nurse was fairly certain a Clomid/IUI cycle was out. She's not certain about an injectable/IUI cycle but feels strongly that he's going to steer us towards IVF.

We can only afford ONE shot at IVF so we'll really need to sit down and discuss what are best chances are... with my shoddy eggs or with donor eggs.

Little Sunflower Bud was pretty clued in to how upset I was feeling and asked if she could cuddle with me. I jumped all over that because she rarely wants to cuddle now! Of course she then patted my tummy and told me it was getting bigger. Oh how I wish, baby girl.

And the hits just keep on coming

I just got back from our CD3 baselining appointment with the RE. Not great.

My lining is a 6, which she said is good for CD3.

But...

She found 2 small cysts on my left ovary that she's not "too" concerned about right now. And 1 large cyst on my right ovary that she said is borderline the size where they prefer not to medicate for that cycle. She said from the shape of it, she believes it's the cyst that ruptured but it's still there.

She also found another fibroid. She said this one is smaller and is in the muscle under my lining but it was very clear to her as soon as she was in there. They are going to monitor it and see what it does but won't worry about it too much right now.

Sooooo. We are waiting for the bloodwork to come back this afternoon with my hormone levels to evaluate the cysts. They are going to decide what to do this cycle when those results come back. If they aren't good, we will have to do birth control pills for 2 weeks to try to shrink the cysts, definitely no Clomid and put the IUI off until next cycle.

If the bloodwork is fine and the RE feels confident going forward (he understands we are self pay and want optimal conditions for the IUI) with the IUI, then they will discuss the HCG shot and send over a prescription for it to the pharmacy. She already gave me the Clomid script for 100mg and an antibiotic prescription for myself and DH.

Sigh. I feel like it's just one obstacle after another.

Had our first appointment with the RE

I chose a practice that seemed tailor made for us. They have an office 5 minutes from where I work and also an office 10 minutes from where I live. Considering I work an hour away from where I live, I was pretty impressed with this! We are able to go back and forth between offices freely because both doctors in the practice visit both offices regularly. They are also open 7 days a week and have extended/late hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I was fully prepared to go in with my guns blazing demanding aggressive treatment. Dr. M was amazingly thorough and detailed. And, blessedly, aggressive. I didn't even need to lay out on the table what I wanted because it was what he immediately suggested.

We're going straight to IUI. We will do one cycle on 100mg of Clomid with IUI.

Photo Credit

Photo Credit

I'm nervous, excited and scared. This month will cost us a little over $2,000. Insurance doesn't cover anything infertility related so we're on our own with the costs. I honestly can't believe we've reached the point where we are paying thousands of dollars to have a baby but we just so badly want to expand our family. We were able to afford to pay for this cycle outright but anything past this, we're going to need to investigate financial options. Our RE's office told us about a program called www.carecredit.com which is a line of credit specifically for health care costs.

So let's hope this cycle works! I'm terrified at how I will feel if it doesn't. I hate how jaded I've become because I already feel like I'm preparing myself for disappointment.

I graduated!

Yes everyone I graduated from my RE! While I didn't get one of these:


I did get one of these:


Which personally was much better than the prior. I am very excited to be released from my RE but at the same time very sad. I feel like it was all because of him we are where we are at today. He listened to me. He understood my issues and most importantly he fixed him. He was truly amazing. Not only was he amazing but so was his staff! They made me promise I will go see them when I am big and round especially since my OB is just upstairs from their office.

We are so excited. Sometimes I can't believe it. I think how just a couple of months ago I was crying and screaming because I was still spotting. Ugh. So annoying. But now I know there really was an issue and now its fixed.

I can't wait until next week when I can finally tell the world I am knocked up! Oh and then I can say hello to 2nd Trimester! Oh how I hope 2nd Trimester will like me as much as 1st Trimester did!

I think I'm finally getting my energy back or so I think. My m/s seems to be getting better. I know I have Zofran and it is my friend however my friend gives me horrible headaches. Its bitter sweet. Do I want headaches or do I want m/s. I have to choose my enemy. But overall I'm not complaining. I actually remember telling God, please show me a sign I'm pregnant. I want my head in the toilet. Wow be careful what you wish for huh? Its nice though.

Next week I have my 12 week OB appointment with my awesome OB. I need to talk to him about cervical issues I could have because of cyrotherapy a couple of years ago and also we have our NT scan scheduled. No matter what the outcome this child will be loved!

Oh and my issues from last post... well they are gone. Gosh I thought I was going to die. But after calling my OB and drinking benefiber MIXED with prune juice it did the trick. I learned my lesson though. Drink LOTS LOTS LOTS of water and eat tons of fiber. Things seem to be goign better on that end.

And to end Ill show you a 11 week bump picture. Sometimes I think its a bloat picture.