Results are In

I am PREGNANT!!! My Beta was 214 and my Progesterone was 94!!! I am soo excited that it is a positive and we have strong numbers. With such a high Progesterone I get to drop down to .5 cc's of Progestrone for the next 4 days and retest in a week and hopefully will not have to do anymore shots!! It all feels a bit sureal but am getting more excited the more I talk about it!!

Beta #2

BETA #2 = 670!!! 

Mr. BBud and I have our first ultrasound appointment on May 22nd. 

Currently-  I'm feeling some twinges and mild cramping, but that's to be expected.  I do have sore boobies, but that could also be because of the progesterone shots I take each evening.  I have been in bed by 8:30 the past two nights!!

Stay put, little one!  We love you so much already. :)

Bossy Bud

Trying times...

Okay, so here's the skinny on what's been going on the last few days:

Wed 12-7-11: beta=640. progesterone=17. bbt=98.4.
Thurs: bbt=98.5
Fri: beta=1943. progesterone not back from lab. bbt=98.4
Sat: bbt=98.6
Sun: bbt= 98.4
Mon 12-12-11: bbt 98.0. Got to work and found out progesterone dropped to 13.4!!!

OMG. Talk about a lump in your throat. Not only did my temp drop to the lowest it's been in the short time I've been checking it. I immediately called the OB and let them know that I was faxing my results over and would like a call bak ASAP. Then I decided "forget that! I need an appt!" So I called back to request a work-in appointment - who wants to play phone-tag and go through a middle-man when you have a potential crisis?!?! Guess what they told me...we'll call you back.

I had my beta and progesterone done again (of my own accord) and luckily the beta increased (though not quite triple) to 5700-something and the progesterone increased back to 16.9. But I was still freaking out.

I got a call around lunch-time from the OB's office telling to start progesterone suppositories twice daily and I have a US scheduled for next Monday at 9:30. I picked them up after work.

I'm stil worried as crap, but thankful that this was caught early enough. My progesterone was never checked more than once so who knows? That could have been the reason for the first two MCs. SO WHY WASN'T THIS CHECKED THE FIRST TWO TIMES?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

Keep praying for me ladies!

Second Beta Results

Beta #1 was 138

Beta #2 (3days later) 489!

Hooray!!! I am so relieved. I am still very scared though. Last summer my sister had a miscarriage at 13 weeks, followed by two chemical pregnancies, so the possibility of a miscarriage seems so real.  Also, after 6 years of TTC, it doesn't seem possible that I can actually be pregnant. It is funny, I can easily imagine adopting again. I can see the whole process from start to finish. I just can't visualize being pregnant, getting a belly, having morning sickness, or giving birth at all.  It is really hard to believe that I could really be pregnant! I am so happy though, and so excited.

I can have my 6 week ultrasound on the 11th. That is crazy! That is just a week away! I am leaving on a road trip to Michigan with the kids on Wednesday and won't be back by then, so I will probably schedule it for the 13th. I am so excited to see how many babies are in there!

I am going to write the donor couple tonight to let them know I am pregnant. I am a little worried that it might be emotional for them. Often people make the decision to donate their embryos, but then once there is actually a recipient, it makes it all so real and there are a lot of emotions that come with it. I know that they struggled some during the whole decision process, but decided that it was the logical thing to do. It all happened relatively quickly on their side, (we selected them, they agreed, I did my cycle a few days later, and BAM! I am pregnant!) so I hope it doesn't come as too much of a shock to them that I actually became pregnant on the first try. I am sure they will be very happy for us though.


On another note, I am going to Michigan, in part, to see Little Lucky Buds Birth Families. It is a little complicated and I am not exactly sure how it will all go...on the Birth Father side, that is... so I will let you know how it all goes when I come back!

Results

My first beta is 138! I can't believe it! My next beta is Monday. I did a HPT so that I could see two lines for the first time in my life. Yeah! I am pregnant!

Beta's in!

It's been quite a week since my BFP.  For one thing, I had blood drawn 5 times in 2 weeks (4 in 1 week!)  (And we all know how much I love needles!)  I work 45 minutes away from where I live, and therefore from where all my doctors and labs are.  This caused some problems last week, when I had to get blood drawn 3 times, and have an appointment.  I felt like I was never at school!  It threw off my whole week, and I ended up having a bit of a meltdown on Thursday.  The kids and the hormones were making me crazy, and I had to have a little cry fest before I went back. 

In other news, I have my betas, and they're looking good! 

DPO	Beta	Doubling time from previous test
15	108	(none)
17	179	65.85 hrs
18	259	45.03 hrs
20	659	35.63 hrs

 I was a little worried, because they were low, and slow to double at first, but they've sped up, so that's good.  I have my 1st ultrasound next Thursday at 6w6d, so we'll see if we see a heat beat.  If we do, we are planning on telling our parents and siblings that weekend.  We're still going back and forth on whether or not to tell anyone else yet.  (You know, other than the 6 I've already told - but they all knew about our troubles trying to conceive.) 

Wish us luck at the ultrasound.  Hopefully I won't go crazy before then, and will get good news. 

And The Wait Continues

Photo Credit
Now I am officially another 48 hours which if my Beta were continuing to increase at the rate they did the previous 48 hours I should be at a 16!! I know pretty crazy high numbers there but I might as well put my amazing math skills that I learned in College to good use while I wait and hang onto this small shred of hope. I was going to do a HPT this morning but then decided I should wait till tomorrow or Friday so they would be higher if indeed they are increasing. Tomorrow I should be at a 32 and Friday should be a 64 and Saturday would be 128 which would be where I was about on day 16's Beta level of last IVF cycle which was ectopic.

I have not renigged the mass text I sent out to everyone that this cycle did not work because in all reality it hasn't but I do feel a bit guilty with everyone being sad and I am hanging onto a little hope that I can send out that text saying, "Guess what one did stick and grow and we are expecting!!" I got a lovely bouquet of flowers and one of the most well stated sympathy note that was the perfect mix of sympathy and positiveness. If I had it at work I would tell you what it said but it is on my fridge at home. I think that is what I hate the most about telling people is having to accept all the sympathies and wanting to talk when all I want to do is forget about it make it go away. I am excellent at ignoring the elephant in the room!!

Anyways, lets move onto any symptoms I am having of a possible pregnancy, by boobs are a little bigger, there is still no spotting or bleeding, the twinges/cramping has subsided to almost nothing and I have little appetite. So who knows I am still taking all the meds and man has this mornings Progesterone shot been smarting all morning!! Maybe it is because I am still taking everything that AF hasn't arrived to make it all final.

I will let you all know if I am brave enough to test tomorrow morning or Friday or Saturday!!

Beta #2!

299!

The number is doubling perfectly.

We go back on Friday to get our first ultrasound at 5w2d. I don't think there will be much to see but I am still so excited. I am anxious to know how many we have growing in there. I will be totally ecstatic with one or two, of course!

Beta #1= Success!

I just got a call from our nurse at the RE's office.

Beta #1 (9dp5dt)= 152! That is a fantastic number. I go back in 2 days to see if it is doubling correctly.

I actually got my BFP at 5dp5dt on an HPT. I decided to test early since that was really the only normal thing I get to do during an IVF cycle, and I was dying to know if I was PG. I tested out my trigger and it had been out for about 4 days. I got a BFN the morning before my BFP.

I woke Mr. Sassy Bud up to tell him and he said "Yayyy! Can I go back to sleep now?" To be fair, it was 3am. I was up getting ready for a football trip we were going on and he still had another 45 minutes to sleep. I thought his reaction was cute.

I am so thankful that I have had a perfect IVF cycle so far, minus getting very sick during the first week of stims. After 22 months, I can finally say, I am pregnant!

Exhale...

Now I can breathe. All week, I've held my breath worrying and waiting for the 3rd beta.

3, 456.

Doubling time of just shy of 24 hours.

In my nurse's words, "you can breathe now."

I promised to stop testing. Promised to try to stop worrying. Promised to start just enjoying what we've worked so hard to achieve.

I'm pregnant.

I'm going to be a mother again.

I have one hell of a beta.

First ultrasound is Tuesday morning.

I have SO much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

The craziest thing though? It's been almost 2 years of tears, depression, crying, despair, struggle and almost giving up. And now that we're finally at this point.... those 2 years don't feel quite so long anymore. I had no idea it could feel like this. All that hurt and anguish and bitter just melted away and is replaced by joy and complete and utter awe.

My prayers are with each and every one of my fellow Buds who are struggling right now. Hurting. Feeling that anguish and despair. That makes this so bittersweet for me. I want each of you to be feeling this. And I can't wait until the day that you do. A day that I know will come. You are not alone. And you are supported and loved.

And we have doubling!

I had to go in for a repeat beta today, only 24 hours later because we're leaving for vacation tomorrow. They weren't expecting much, just hoping for a rise.

Well, we got a rise.

25!! A little over double in 24 hours!!! Squeeeeeee!!!

I POAS again this afternoon and my line was even darker. There was definitely no squinting needed at all.

Symptoms so far are some nausea, fatique, lots of cramps and serious gas. But I am so incredibly thankful for each and every one of those!!!

Beta #1 is in

12.8

Not that fabulous. The nurse said it was low but it was within normal range for the timing of my cycle.

I'm praying that this is a sticky baby. I don't know if I can handle another loss.

Since I can't go in Wednesday for a repeat beta, I am going tomorrow afternoon around 4pm. That will be about 32 hours since the last draw. They are hoping for a decent rise.

My progesterone rose to 35 which she said was fabulous.

*fingers crossed* Please God, let this be it.

Beta Update and Hello from Atlanta

I got a call yesterday from the midwife to let me know my betas are already down to 21. That's a good thing. (Except it doesn't feel like a good thing...I want to still be pregnant!) Mr. Magnolia Bud and I are definitely excited to get back to TTC as soon as we can, and as lame as this sounds, I'm excited to take my supplements again. I'm taking this cycle off of everything to give myself a break, but I am looking forward to being proactive in the vitamins I'm taking.

Also, just wanted to say "Hi" from Atlanta! I'm here to give a presentation at a conference, and it's the first time I've spoken at a national conference. My program was this afternoon, and it went really well! There was great audience participation, and I think everyone who attended my session found the topic and materials useful. I've been really, really sick the last two days, and when I was still throwing up late last night I was very worried that I wasn't going to be able to make it downtown to speak today. Thankfully, about 11pm, I started feeling a smidge better. Today, I still feel weak and a little queasy, but I was well enough to get out of bed, shower, and give my talk. I'm resting up now, since I'm meeting one of Mr. Magnolia Bud's best friends for dinner later. Hope I'm on the mend!

Lots of love,

Magnolia Bud

6w3d update

I realized I hadn't updated in quite a while! Last Monday I had my 3rd beta draw at 25 dpiui (5w4d). My hcg level was 3567, up from 279 at 18 dpiui, so thankfully there was a nice doubling. We also saw the RE that same afternoon. He did do an u/s, though he warned us that there would likely not be much to see. All we could really see was a small gestational sac, but it did give us peace of mind that at least Baby G implanted in my uterus. Also, we only saw one sac, so while we can't quite yet rule out multiples, all indications point towards a singleton pregnancy.

Prof. L told us that our chances of an early miscarriage are 15%, compared to the normal 10%, but if we are able to detect a fetal heartbeat, the chance will decrease to ~7% and will again further decrease to 3% at the end of first tri. I am still so scared but at the same time so hopeful, too. When I was struggling to get pregnant, it was difficult to think beyond the excitement and thrill of some time getting a BFP. Now that I am there, I haven't really experienced the ecstacy I imagined because I am so frightened to lose the little life growing inside me. I am so scared of waking up one day soon to "game over" and having to go back to square one with the dreaded fertility treatments.

Everything about this process has been so hard and uncertain until now, it is difficult to imagine that anything could proceed smoothly without lots of emotional pain. In short, after a lot of disappointment, finally being pregnant just feels too good to be true. I am just trying to remember, that even if my odds ARE worse than the average gal, the odds still are in my favor that this pregnancy will continue and I will get my Baby G at the end of it all.

Our next u/s will be next Sunday (exactly a week from today) at 7w3d. I pray that I will get to see our baby's strong and perfect heartbeat, the most beautiful image I can possibly imagine.

Beta 2 results are in

Today I went for my second beta draw at 18dpIUI. We are at 279 today-up from 42 at 14dpIUI. While I am still terrified, I am starting to feel a bit more cautiously optimistic about things. On Monday (11/1), we see our RE. To my fellow buds who are going through a difficult time right now, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you have brighter days ahead in the very, very near future.

The Little Beta That Could

Beta #2 is back. Not good news, but not necessarily bad.

HCG is at 67, progesterone at 17.5

They wanted to see it go up to 80, but the nurse told me that because the numbers are lower, sometimes there is a margin of error when they test the blood. In actuality, my numbers could be higher (yes, they could be lower too, but I'm trying not to think of that).

So I will go in on Tuesday to have my 3rd draw. They want my numbers to be around 220. That seems like such a large jump from 67, and it makes me extremely nervous.

My only symptoms right now are fatigue and sore BBs - no nausea and I'm still able to to go the bathroom (TMI?).

So again, its a waiting game for the most impatient girl in the world.

Ultrasound Results = More Waiting

I wanted to pop on and give you all a quick update before Mr. Magnolia Bud and I head for the mountains for a little R&R this weekend.

I had my first ultrasound this morning, and we were able to see a yolk sac and get a CRL measurement. From all the measurements, the embryo is measuring just about 6 weeks (range 5w5d-6w1d). I was able to see the corpus luteum, as well as a pocket of blood on my cervix (that will likely cause more bleeding). I had another beta draw, plus they're going to be testing my progesterone levels with today's blood too. I'm scheduled for another ultrasound next Friday--so until then, we wait with a diagnosis of threatened miscarriage.

Today is a day I really wish I hadn't been charting so I could let myself feel a little more optimistic. Unfortunately, the logic/committed-to-charting side of me isn't letting that happen.

Have a great weekend!

-Magnolia Bud

Chemical pregnancy: Check

Mr. GB will tell you that I'm almost always right. It drives him crazy. I have a sixth sense about things and a way of predicting the future that surprises even me. And I had a feeling this past weekend that I was looking at a chemical. I don't care what anyone says--the pee sticks don't lie. And this morning's pee stick was lighter than last night's, and it was no shock that my hcg has dropped to 29.


While I would have liked to be one of those miracle low-hcg success you always hear about, why should I be? Absolutely nothing in the reproductive department has EVER gone my way. Ever. I always fall on the wrong side of the statistics. Always. My RE clinic has a 77% success rate for donor cycles. Guess where I fell? My Bitter Infertile's Bucket List just got another check mark. Whoopee.

Why won't anybody believe me when I know that things aren't going to work out? Mr. GB and his foolish optimism this morning...even my RE who seemed to think that a bum lining wouldn't cause issues. Was that some kind of sympathy diagnosis? Can I please get a refund on my embryo transfer because I effing told you so?

I have to go back again in a week to make sure my level is 0. Gee, as if I didn't spend all goddamn summer waiting for my level to go to 0. Now I get to do it again. (Isn't it ironic that I'm more pregnant when I'm NOT pregnant? That I use more pee sticks trying to get UNPREGNANT than pregnant?) And then there are all the hugs and sympathy notes from the nurses and staff. (That's 5 failures for me at that clinic, but who's counting?) I might need two checkmarks next to "Cried at the RE's office."

And is this even a loss? Or is it just some pink dye that showed up due to a chemical reaction?

And to think I thought I could get pregnant again before my due date. HA! Wasn't that a cute little bit of hope wrapped up in a $25,000 bow.

So let me tell you how I think this is going to end.

I will have a follow-up phone call with my RE. She will tell me that she really thought this would work, that I would get lucky. Maybe she'll offer me a discount on a frozen cycle. She'll tell me to wait for AF (which will be here within a week or so), and then she'll tell me to call and schedule yet another hysteroscopy so she can look for scarring. (My gut says that there is no scarring because the transfer itself went smoothly and there didn't seem to be any blockage, but who knows, maybe there is a bad patch or two.) AF is going to make Saw 3 look like a fairy tale. Now I know from experience that my first post-failure cycle always takes 40-50 days (unless she puts me on the pill). Assuming I go pill-free, this pushes us out to 2011 before I can cycle again. And that assumes I don't need any follow-up surgery to deal with scarring. So now I am very possibly looking at celebrating my 40th birthday in February with no baby and no pink dye. Or maybe we'll get lucky and have a frozen transfer on my birthday like the one we had on our anniversary. I'm going to ask for the same doctor as last time (Dr. D). And I'm going to transfer 2 and both are going to stick and we'll live happily ever after and donate our other 3 embies to another couple.

Or something like that.

Pregnant.

Oh wow, I never thought I would see this day! Monday was our anniversary (11dpIUI for me). I tested for kicks and also because I am a moron and of course saw the same old stark white BFN on a FRER. I also had cramps and a backache and was feeling overall despodent and pathetic. I even though of asking DH if we could postpone our anniversary dinner since I was in such a sucktacular mood. I drank wine quite liberally since I was pretty much convinced that there was no way in hell I was KU. We did end up going out and having a lovely time. Literally, as soon as we left the restaurant, I got awful cramps and started to feel very ill. My stomach got super bloated and I had vomiting and diarrhea (sorry if TMI) throughout the night and the following morning.

I felt like a miserable basketcase and noticed my skin was breaking out a little, too -- great, I have a stomach virus AND I am super PMSy I thought. Awesome. My temps were staying consistently high, but since I was certain I was sick with some GI virus, I was convinced this was some evil tease caused by my "illness" (ahem, pregnancy). Yesterday morning at 13dpIUI I could once again no longer resist my primal urge to pee on things, even though I was still convinced I couldn't be pregnant (but pg or stomach bug, a POAS addict like myself could not be talked down from peeing on something with a 98.8 temp at 13dpIUI).

What I saw was quite the curiosity--a vague hint of a vague hint of a vague hint of a faint (evap?) line. I shoved it in Mr. Blueberry Bud's face for him to scrutinize and he told me he did see the faint shadow to which I was referring but that was definitely a negative pregnancy test that he was staring at. BFN or not, I had never seen anything quite like it before, so it was slightly suspicious.

Fast-forward to 6AM this morning, as I was poised to see that my temp plummeted to 97.5F...BUT it was holding steady at 98.8F. Again, convinced that this couldn't really be it after being used to so much disappointment, I half-heartedly POAS. I am not sure why this morning was so different, but for the first time ever, I didn't anxiously hover over the test to see it develop. I walked away, checked my email, and calmy returned 3 or 4 minutes later. My hand shook as I saw that second clear line, the second line that I was so convinced I would never get to experience after so many stark white BFNs. I didn't cry or scream, I just walked over to DH with the pee stick, shaking, and said "I think I'm pregnant?" Our EDD is 6/30/10 based on the day of IUI and O. Today I had my first beta drawn (14dpIUI). It was 42, which is not really great, but I am praying for good news next week when I have my second beta drawn and I am so, so grateful to just have gotten this far. It feels like a miracle.

The Waiting Continues...

I just got a call from a very nice nurse at the midwife's office with the results of my first betas. Too bad the numbers aren't as nice as the nurse.

6966 at 7w6d.

Unfortunately, those don't look so good. The number is definitely low, and as intervention-free as the office tends to be, they recommended I go in for the first available ultrasound because they now suspect a blighted ovum, given that I had good dates (thanks to charting!). They're faxing over the paperwork to the hospital this morning, and the ultrasound clinic is supposed to be calling me soon. I'm also going in first thing tomorrow for another blood draw (betas and I'm going to be requesting a progesterone check too).

The nurse spent a good couple of minutes on the phone to make sure I was ok (I'm not really, but I'm trying to hold it together until I get the call from the hospital--at that point I can leave work), and briefly explained my options if it turns out to be a blighted ovum. I really wish this wasn't happening, and I hate that all I can do is wait. I'm really happy that everyone I've talked with/seen at my midwife's office is so nice--I do feel like they care what happens to me and this baby, and that has made a big difference for me this week.

I'll let you know as soon as I know anything.
Magnolia Bud