New Cycle. New Plan.

So I guess by the title of my post you figured out last cycle was a failure?! It took six BFNs before it was drilled through my thick skull that I wasn't KU. I finally accepted defeat last Friday (11 DPO) and called my OB to set up a WTF appointment since I wasn't pregnant. He wanted me to wait two cycles after my Chemical Pregnancy before meeting with him to discuss my next steps. Thankfully my OB's office doesn't have a crazy wait and they were able to squeeze me in for a Saturday appointment. Nice. I always feel like the nerdy OB patient showing up eagerly with my charts in hand. My doc always gives me a little laugh and the side eye, kinda like whoa, you're serious about this stuff. Guessing from his reaction I assume that not many of his OB patients take this active of a role in the fertility process. LOL. But nonetheless, he is always impressed with my energy and does study my charts (or at least pretends to). It's nice to know that my efforts don't go to waste.

He looked over my chart, made a few notes, asked a few questions before he concluded that I have a mild case of PCOS. He had always suspected I had PCOS but this time he officially diagnosed me. Awesome. But hey, at least we have a starting point to figure out why the hell I can't get pregnant. We discussed testing and medication and decided that for my particular set of circumstances Clomid would be the best option.

"Wait, what about the HSG or the SA? Shouldn't we start with those steps first?" I was kind of shocked that Clomid was his first suggestion. His reasoning for bypassing those other options is because a) I have a 1 year old daughter b) got KU in December and c) have the same husband. But I was still scratching my head. "Why would you prescribe Clomid if I am ovulating? Isn't Clomid prescribed to people who don't ovulate?" Well, Clomid will help regulate my cycles to a more acceptable length, meaning I will ovulate sooner in my cycle. Apparently the quality of the eggs could be compromised due to late ovulation. Which might have had something to do with my Chemical Pregnancy in December. Gulp. You mean there's a real possibility I could have another chemical pregnancy? He said it's possible there was a correlation between the two but obviously we don't know that for sure. Yikes, that wasn't an angle I hadn't considered. That kind of put things in perspective for me, Clomid could help me get pregnant and possibly lessen my chances of another miscarriage.

::side note:: among my cycles in the last year, I have had two 60+ day cycles that had to be ended with a round of Provera. I also had one 19 day cycle in which I have no clue if I ovulated since I was on a charting break. And just recently, my last two cycles were 40 days with ovulation somewhere around CD 27.

My doc wants me to wait until I have had three cycles from my chemical pregnancy before starting a medicated cycle. According to my calculations, the earliest that would be is the beginning of April. Surprisingly, I am ok with the thought of waiting until then which is probably baffling to some of you. Patience is not my strong suit, hence my POAS weakness. Ha. But before you go thinking I have turned over a new leaf, I should disclose that I will be out of town and away from Mr. PB&J during my fertile window. So this cycle was a bust anyway.

So that's the plan stan. I am not pregnant, won't be next month either, and if I am lucky I will have a baby by January. And if you made it this far, thanks for reading my long winded update :)

PB&J Bud :)

Well, look at that

My temp went up again this morning.

I've still missed temping two out of the last four days, and I'm pretty sure FF is dead wrong about my cross hairs and also I don't want to get my hopes up...

But huh.

How about that.

Also, my boobs hurt and I'm really hungry.

NO! Say no to phantom symptoms!

Convincing myself I am I'm not I am I'm not pregnant,

On the joys of socialized medicine

Unfortunately, this cycle isn't exactly panning out to be all we had hoped. When I left off last time, I had a monitoring ultrasound on CD 11 which showed no dominant follicle. On CD 15 I had my next monitoring ultrasound and this time I had a follicle on my right ovary, which measured 9mm. At my next ultrasound on CD 17 it was a measly 10mm and the ultrasound technician told me I have uterine fibroids. I usually O between CD 15-17 so I'd say things aren't looking too promising for this cycle. We thought for sure we would be ready for the IUI last week.

I am feeling frustrated and confused about my lack of follicle growth. I believe that I have ovulated on all of my previous charted cycles based on my temp shift but something strange seems to be going on with my follicle growth. Last cycle I ovulated on CD 17, but my follicle stopped growing around CD 12 and never seemed to reach over 17mm. This cycle I don't know what to think about my lack of follicle growth.

Meanwhile, the doctor I am seeing this cycle is a complete moron. I've asked him several times whether I should be concerned about my strange follicle growth patterns (normal follicle growth is ~2mm/day). His answer to everything is that I am doing great, my follicles will grow 2mm/day starting now (even though 'now' has obviously changed as time has passed), and I should be ready for our IUI on Sunday (before it Wednesday, as in this past Wednesday). He also didn't know what a uterine fibroid is, or rather he didn't understand the word in English, so he couldn't answer my question as to whether I should be concerned about it. Remember that ob/gyn in the movie Nine Months who had just immigrated from Eastern Europe and said he was previously a large animal vet? Well I am pretty sure that him and my doctor are the same person.

So you might be asking yourself how a real-life person such as myself could possibly be subjected to the same level of medical care as a fictional character in a Robin Williams comedy. In Israel, we have socialized medicine. I am actually hugely in favor of socialized medicine and I think the U.S. would be better off with a system like it, but it definitely has its major faults. As I wrote about in my last post, fertility treatment is covered under the national healthcare program (including IVF for up to two live births), which is really wonderful. However, you have little control over who your doctor is in the public system. At the fertility clinic at the hospital where I go, I have been seeing whichever resident is doing a rotation in the fertility service. This isn't inherently a terrible thing, other than lack of continuity in care since the person changes every few months. However, there is also great variability between residents. The one I dealt with a couple months ago was great, this one is horrible.

I have pretty much given up hope on this cycle. Of course we will make the best of it and continue to BD away. On August 22 we have a consultation with Prof. L, a senior RE who is supposed to be really terrific. We will likely be seeing him as a private patient from then on out. I think we are both really looking forward to speaking with someone who has the experience and knowledge to answer all of our questions and consider the data carefully. I think it will be a good solution for us -- we can see him privately for consultations and procedures, but any tests and drugs will still be covered by the socialized system. Unfortunately, as is often the case with socialized medicine, if you want to choose your doctor and you want a little hand-holding, you have to suck it up and pay a lot for it. Here's to a happy and sunny weekend!

STILL no O

CD33 and I still haven't ovulated.

I guess this puts me back in the long-cycle club. I have been teased by a few small temp rises, only to be let down the next morning when it drops again. This is really hindering my progress with my TTC plan, since I have to wait until CD1 to schedule my HSG. As I mentioned in my previous entry, Mr. Sassy Bud is also waiting to do his S/A until then. I like to call this TTC limbo.

Photo Credit

Yep that's me. Somewhere between TTC heaven and hell.

I sit and hope for a BFP to end this craziness but I also am trying to be realistic to avoid the roller-coaster of emotions when AF comes. And she does. Every month.

Non-TTC life is good. Once this school term and tax season are over, I'm going to visit my sister and nieces and nephew in Texas. We are also celebrating our anniversary and Mr. Sassy Bud's birthday by taking a trip to Atlantic City and New York City. I have never been to either place so I am very excited to be able to go. I am also going to visit one of my "nestie besties" while I am there, so that is something great to look forward to.

Until then, I wait, and wait, and wait.

A non-update

CD22 and no O yet.

I took some Motrin about a week ago. I had a migrane and I was far from home and desperate during my moot court competition. It looks like that may have delayed O for me this cycle.

I cannot call to schedule my HSG until CD1, so I am in TTC limbo at the moment. We are waiting to schedule Mr. Sassy Bud's S/A until CD1 also. On the off chance I were to get PG this cycle, I don't want to waste $150 on an uneccessary test.

Last night Mr. Sassy Bud and I watched this movie:

Photo Credit

If you haven't seen it, I would definitely recommend watching it. While the views were slanted (as most documetaries are), it still gave us a lot to think about as far as what we want to happen at the birth of our (imaginary) child.

Hopefully my next update will be a 2ww!