So Sorry for being MIA!!!!

First I would like to say how sorry I am for being so MIA for the last few weeks! Between our Disneyland vacation and moving into our new home I have not had Internet for awhile but good news I am back with tons of great updates!

Where to begin? We decided to break the news to my mother the day before we left on our vacation. Since we were driving to Disneyland (9hour drive) and I was already beginning to run to the bathroom a little more often then I usually do we figured it would make more sense. The night before we left we gave my mom a little present. We told her it was just a thank you for the trip. We found the perfect card for here, it read: Front: It was never a matter of if, it was always a matter of when inside: Congratulations. We then wrote in big capital letters GRANDMA! As she read the card she looked confused as soon as she read the grandma part she looked at me and asked if I was serious. I smiled and nodded and she instantly burst into tears! She was hugging me and Mr. DB before she even opened the present of a onesie with the words grandma loves me on the front. It truly was the perfect moment!
Our Disneyland trip was the perfect celebration for us all. Although it was a little disappointing not being able to go on any of the fun big kid rides. No Space Mountain, No Thunder Mountain, No Matterhorn, No Indiana Jones. But I still had a great time. I couldn't help but rub my belly thinking of what it will be like to bring our little baby Determined Bud back.
Once we returned we had our first appointment with my fertility specialist. I was so excited to see our little one! He/She looked perfect, based on the size they said I was 6w5d that was on 4/4, so I am 7w5d today! Due Date November 23rd, 2011. Words cannot describe how I felt seeing baby DB!
As for my symptoms I am definitely feeling bloated, I get nauseous here and there, I am tired ALL the time, my breast have grown 2 cups sizes and hurt all the time, and of course I feel like I have to use the restroom every few minutes. But so far I am kinda loving it, its truly solidifying that I am growing tiny human inside of me. Which is truly amazing in every way.
Tomorrow is my first prenatal appointment with my OBGYN. So fingers crossed everything is still great! I can't wait to see my little one again!

I Cannot belive it....

So this past Friday Mr. DB & I closed on our first house and began moving in! Needless to say all Friday, Saturday & most of Sunday was spent cleaning, painting, moving & unpacking. Since my mind was completely consumed with the new house I had little time to realize that the 2WW was over. It finally hit me Sunday night that I could test. I of course immediately ran over to the nearest drug store & bought the early response. When I got home I took the test and there is was a faint line. I didn't believe it, so I took another and the same result. I took them in to Mr. DB and asked him if I was seeing things. He smiled and told me I was pregnant. I still couldn't believe what I was seeing! Monday morning I got up bright and early to have my blood drawn to verify. On the way home I decided to get a digital to make sure. Of course the digital screen popped up with Pregnant!I called yesterday morning to get the results of my first beta & it was 58. They told me to get another blood test done this morning to make sure everything was going right. So this morning I took my 2nd beta & I am anxiously waiting to see if I am doubling!
I can't describe how excited and happy I am to know there is/might be our little miracle growing inside me.

So far my symptoms have included being ridiculously tired all the time (i sleep like 10 hours a night & still need an afternoon nap), my breasts are very sore, I feel super bloated (a little constipated, sorry I know TMI), and I have had a little morning sickness but not too bad.


If all goes well with my 2nd beta results I will be able to break the news to my mother at Disneyland!!!! Which will truly make her vacation!

Moving & The 2WW

Today is day 8 of my 2ww! I am so lucky that I have way too much going on right now to even think of the 2ww. The Mr. & I have been so busy getting things for our new home I have barely had time to breathe. Still need to get some essential appliances (fridge, washer, dryer) but things are coming along. I have been packing up our little apartment, who knew how much stuff we actually crammed into this little one bedroom apartment. We signed all the papers this morning. I feel like that was the last final big step. I can’t believe we are going to be homeowners in 3 days! We have our final walk through on Thursday, which I am going to use to measure some closets and figure out what paint colors I like best so I can do a home depot run. I am getting so excited.

As for the 2WW, I have had a lot more little twinges of pain in my tummy. I am hoping that is a good sign but trying not to get my hopes up too much. I feel like the big letdown is one of the hardest parts of these treatments. Well, I am off to pack some more. I am the packing queen right now! So excited for our big move this weekend but anxious because there is still so much to do!

All my love to everyone & hopeful thoughts to everyone TTC

Hoping for a little magic!

First I want to welcome all the new buds! I am so happy to read your stories and follow your journey.

Sorry for the delay in writing, last week I was super busy helping one of my good friends get her wedding details finished before the big day. Both Mr. Determined Bud & I were in their wedding this past weekend. Since I was the only bridesmaid (or I guess matron) who was married I had to help keep her calm before the big walk down the aisle. It was a great day for Mr. DB & me to remember our vows, and the love we shared on our day. Something about weddings just makes everyone really express how they feel. Overall it was a beautiful day and perfect for our friends to express their absolute devotion and love to one another.

I was very excited because the morning of their wedding I woke and took an OPK, the normal for CD 14, and there was that little happy face smiling at me. I truly love that little happy face! Mr. DB & I started BD’ing! So now I am stuck in the dreaded 2ww! Today is CD 16. Fingers crossed that this cycle worked. I have definitely felt more symptoms than in my earlier cycles. I have felt more twinges of pain which I am hoping is my body actually ovulating! We will see. I think this 2ww might go a little faster than the others have for me. We will be closing on our new home in 10 days, so I have plenty of packing and cleaning to do to keep my busy until the wait is over.Photo Credit

I will be finding out right before our family (Mr. DB, myself, my amazing mother, & fantastic brother) vacation to Disneyland. How fun would it be to break the news to all of them in Disneyland. It would truly make Disneyland the happiest place on earth for us!

Photo Credit

So I am going to keep hoping I can share magical news to my family in a very magical place!

Waiting for the Big O

I finished my 3^rd cycle of Clomid yesterday. I am so thankful to be done with those pills. I honestly felt like a crazy woman. Mr. Determined Bud left on Friday for a friend’s bachelor party weekend and partly because of all the extra hormones I bawled that he was leaving me. All Friday and Saturday I was in a huge funk because he wasn’t here. I am going to blame the hormones because I was truly excited for the guys and their weekend of fun. Last night after my final pills I went out for Mr. DB’s friend’s wife’s bachelorette party. We went out to a few local clubs and I was lost in a world I didn’t fit in. Don’t get me wrong I had fun celebrating her last week of being single but it made me realize how much I have changed in just a little under 3 years. I am so thankful for all the changes I have been through. I am so thankful to not have to be in the world of hook ups and dating. I am truly content lying in bed with Mr. DB dreaming and planning our family and future!

As for me, I am in the waiting to see if I ovulate. I get to start peeing on the sticks in 3 days. I always feel like I am peeing on some kind of stick either hoping I am ovulating or hoping I am pregnant. Hopefully this is my cycle; hopefully this cycle gives Mr. DB and me what we have been dreaming for!

Valentines Day & Cycle 3

My valentine’s day started out with getting up at 3am to send Mr. DB off to work on his day off. He has been trying to work as much OT as possible to save up for all these fertility treatments and our new home. Mr. DB then called me around noon to let me know they need him to stay and work more OT (guess all the hubby/wives are calling in today). Oh well, I am sure we can celebrate once he gets home around 8pm! I can’t wait to give him tons of hugs and kisses.

I also received a call from my RE setting up my Clomid check for 1:50pm. Gosh, don't you just love the transvaginal ultrasound to check your ovaries and uterus (total sarcasm). I hate every minute of the ultrasound. It is one of the most uncomfortable things I put myself through each month. I still get nervous every time I go in for the appointment. I worry I won’t be cleared for another round, but Happy Valentine’s Day to me, everything was perfect and I was cleared for another round. My RE decided to up the dose this time.

Starting tomorrow 100mg of Clomid (2 tablets daily for 5 days), Clomid Crazies here I come! Bring on those pills, hot flashes, mood swings, irritability, sore breasts, headaches and complete inner craziness!

I know all of the craziness will be worth it in the end! Nothing but high hopes that this is my cycle, this will be the one to give us our little miracle!

So for now I will keep hoping and wishing!

Photo Credit

Hope everyone had a wonderful time with their Valentine! We are all so lucky to have someone in our lives who care about us through all the ups and downs of IF. I know I am truly thankful for Mr. DB! He is my valentine, my rock, my strength, my true love and my best friend!
Happy Valentines Day!!!

The Great, The Good and The Annoying

The Great:

Mr. Determined Bud and I have been in the middle of trying to buy our first home. As if infertility isn’t stressful enough, we have also been dealing with the stress of looking for homes, waiting to see if our offers get approved and then waiting for short sale to be approved by the lender. We found a home back in the beginning of December that we fell in love with a very cute little 3 bed, 2 bath home with tons of great updates. Now after 2 ½ months the short sale lender finally approved our offer! We are buying our first home! We are so excited to finally be in escrow and closing around March 11^th. We can’t wait to turn this house into our Home!

The Good:

Today is CD 38 (I normally have a 30 cycle) and finally AF has shown up. I knew I was not pregnant, after a few HPT & a Beta test. So I am very excited that she has shown up. I called my Dr. to set up an appointment for another ultrasound. Hopefully there are no cysts so I can start another round of treatments. Not sure if we are going to do another round of Clomid or try an injectable. I will keep everyone posted on which we choose. I am feeling very optimistic for this round!

The Annoying:

I guess because of all of the unknown and partly due to AF coming I have been a little more on edge than usual. Oh the Joys of PMS. I feel like all of a sudden every one of my friends and acquaintances on Facebook have pictures of their ultrasounds, pregnant bellies or newborn babies. I am happy for those women who are pregnant or just gave birth to their own bundle of joy, but at the same time I am envious of what I do not have. I can feel myself turning green with envy every time I see that these women were not even trying. I know all I am going through is making me a stronger person and an even better mother. It still feels like a stab in my heart every time I see a new picture on Facebook. I am so torn between happiness for these women and complete and utter envy!

That is The Great, The Good and The Annoying in my life at this moment.

Best of Luck to everyone TTC & my fellow Buds!

Introducing Determined Bud!!!

Hello Everyone,

I am Determined Bud. I chose Determined Bud because all my life I have been just that. Whatever I have put my mind to through out my life, I have been determined to see it through to the end.
A little about Mr. Determined Bud & I, He is 28 and I am 23. We had a whirl-wind romance (Which I would never change)! We met while I was working a promotion, and a month later we were engaged. There was just something about him that I knew he was the man I wanted to marry. We married 10 months later, September of 2009, the most perfect ceremony and reception. I could not have asked for anything better.
Soon after we were married we began TTC. I thought TTC my first would be easy! You just get of BCP, stop using any form of BC and magically it will just happen. Wow. How naive was I?!?! Sure I guess this plan usually works for most couples but 1 in every 10 are like me! After 13 months of TTC the old fashion way and nothing to show for it, besides being exhausted, I spoke with my OBGYN. She told me that 80% of couples conceive within a year. Of course, I had to be in that 20% that doesn't. So I was referred to the fertility department. I was a little reluctant about the fertility department, of course I did not dare show that to my DH. I spoke with a nurse on the phone about how to begin this whole phase and she gave me a list.....

First on the list.... A fertility seminar. I was a quiet nervous and anxious about this. As DH and I walked in to the room that Tuesday afternoon, I remember feeling even more alone. Not one person in the room was close to my age. Not one person gave a friendly smile. Everyone hugged close to their significant other and kept their head down. The seminar itself was very useful, we both learned a lot about the whole process. I am glad our fertility department recommends couples attend it.

Second on the list...... tests, tests oh and more tests. After being pricked with a needle too many times to count and way too many vials of my blood taken, I got my results. Normal, everything was normal. All my hormone levels, vitamin b, and blood counts were perfect. Then they explained I needed to have an HSG. (if you are unfamiliar with this, its where they inject dye into your uterus to make sure your uterus and fallopian tubes are free of any blockage) Finally AF came and I made my appointment. I laid down on the hard x-ray table and looked at the screen with my uterus on it, just staring in aw that hopefully soon a little baby might be growing there, I was jolted away from that thought with Major cramping from the dye! They did not prepare me for the cramping I had. Once again my results came back Normal, no blockages. Finally DH had to begin his tests.... come to find out the only test he needed to complete was a SA. Really? I went through all that pain from needles and the HSG and he just has to "relieve" himself into a cup?!?!?! I don't really see the fairness in that!

Third on the list....... The Appointment. Finally, we (well since DH had to work just me) met with the Dr. He explained what all my test results meant and what our plan of action was. They I had a quick ultrasound, and no surprise to me I had a cyst on my ovary. A closer look from the Dr. he explained he figured out my fertility problems. He diagnosed me with PCOS, Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. I was kind of relieved that there was an answer the my fertility issue. Unfortunately because of the cyst we could not start any treatment for fertility. So again I waited for my dear friend AF. once she came I had another appointment with the Dr. Hooray, No cyst this time. So I was cleared to begin treatment. I was given a 5 day cycle of Clomid, a medication that forces your body to ovulate. On CD 3 I started the pills and on CD 17 I ovulated, but on CD 30 AF showed up and ruined everything. So once again I returned to the Dr. and was cleared for another round of Clomid. CD 15 I ovulated and I am on CD 33 with no BFP or AF. Sadly I want AF to show up so I can start this "fun" process all over again.

I look forward to sharing my story, my journey and my life with everyone!