May 31, 2010
I loved the ultrasound, but of course, I always love seeing Baby Worry Bud. And by doing this (non-medical) u/s instead of attempting to move up my official anatomy scan, I still get to see her again in a couple weeks, woot! Best $75 ever spent & we got to find out what we are having a few weeks early, which has enabled me to get started on my crafting (I've already been to Michaels for the supplies for 2 of my planned projects :o). I'm really into DIY crafts & decorating, so my baby girl's room will be no exception! And although I didn't pay for a 3D/4D scan, the nice tech did a few for us anyways, here's the best one - it's a top view looking down on the baby, so you can see her head, nose & a little bit of her body:
As for Mr. WB - he's really excited about his little girl. I think he was in shock at first - because literally EVERYONE we knew thought it was a boy, including me. And all men want at least one son, but there's (God willing) always a next time & we are both absolutely thrilled as long as she's happy & healthy. He calls her by her name now when he rubs my belly & tells her he loves her - it literally melts my heart! She's so gonna have her daddy wrapped around her little finger. We told the rest of my family (already told my dad, mom & my MIL because we knew they wouldn't be here) today during our cookout. I baked a 2-layer cake with pink frosting inside & had my sister cut it to reveal the gender! She was so happy for us. None of our parents could make it to the BBQ, but they are all very excited too - especially my mom who had been hoping for a granddaughter! So now that we know we are having a little girl, we will really get started planning out the rest of the nursery, which I am so excited about! And after our 20 week anatomy scan, we'll likely go & register. My older sister has already started planning my shower, which will be in early October! I feel like everything is happening so quickly & we can't wait to meet our beautiful little girl in November!
May 30, 2010
Now at cd 22, I do not see a clear ovulation. It could be because I was sick earlier in the cycle or that I slept with my AC blasting from about cd 15 to cd 18 or I simply did not ovulate. Looking at just my OPK and my CM, I would say that my body was fully preparing it self until cd16, but my temps surely do not show a jump around then. I am so confused and just ready for AF to arrive and to prepare for cycle 6.
This month I actually purchased a used clearblue easy fertility monitor for cheap and I am really looking forward to getting started with this. Hopefully this gives me some clearer results than I ever got with regular OPKs. I always felt like I was trying to solve some cryptic message when I was looking at those things. Is it darker than the control? Even if it is only one slip of darkness does it count? Nothing about this TTC business has been easy, except of the sex part. That is something we have no trouble doing. :)
Well I guess I just need to wait out the next week or so and see what happens. Maybe by some miracle I actually O'd this month and I will get surprise a next week. I don't think so, but a girl can hope right?
Updated: After looking at my chart for awhile (yes I tend to obsess over things like this), I decided to disregard one of my sick temps and see if that made a difference. Voila! CH's at cd14 which puts me 8 dpo. I will be able to test just in time to know whether or not I can comfortably drink on my college reunion pub crawl.
May 29, 2010
Oh, just me? Shocker.
So, let's take a show of hands then on who is surprised that if anyone was going to be out on disability at 12 weeks pregnant, it would be me?
Ah, yes, that's what I thought.
So, once diagnosed with the subchorionic hematoma, my OB said I could go back to work with a lifting restriction. Work said, "oh, if you can't lift, you can't work". It's ridiculous. 99% of my job involves things OTHER than lifting patients. They'd rather cover all of my shifts than let me do the overwhelming majority of my job.
Well, i'm not going to complain. It's going to make things REALLY financially tight. As soon as I know how much my disability will be, we'll have to revamp the budget a little. I was hoping to have some of our savings account intact for when the baby gets here... that might wind up being an issue now. But we'll deal with it as it happens. My job was HIGHLY stressful, and scared me every day. At least now I know Smudge is safe. That's really the bottom line, and all that matters.
In other news, we had our NT scan yesterday. The MFM (Maternal-Fetal Medicine) doctor said things couldn't look more perfect. The saw the nasal bone (which apparently is really important), the nuchal fold was 1.3mm (needs to be less than 3.3mm), they visualized the stomach, the bladder, 2 hands and 2 feet and the heartbeat was perfect at 163.
So, now we just wait for the blood work to come back, which will tell us with 95% accuracy of our risk for Downs Syndrome and 97% accuracy our risk for Trisomy 13 or 18.
Smudge is officially exactly like my husband: bald, stubborn, sleeping during the day and cranky when you wake him up. The baby didn't want to cooperate at all during the scan, so the sonographer had to resort to creative tactics to get him to move. Once Smudge finally started moving, little arms and legs were flying all around... he was VERY annoyed. But once things settled down, Smudge actually grabbed onto the feet. It was really cute.
Next OB appointment with Dr L is on June 9th. Until then, i'm hoping this spotting stops at some point - for now it seems that I'm down to spotting at least 1x a day.
At first I was beyond upset, but I quickly realized that this is my first round of Clomid and I need to settle the eff down (because lets face it, a 28 year old throwing a temper tantrum is kind of creepy).
I'm currently taking Provera and have my Clomid dose up to 100 mg (sorry Mr. SB - looks like The Clomid Factor will be double next month). While I wish I was pregnant, I'm kind of looking forward to sipping adult beverages (the frozen kind - with a pink umbrella please!) on this long weekend and taking it easy before the next Clomid round.
I decided a long time ago that I would not let infertility take over my life, and I'll be damned if I go back on those words. I've learned to take one day at a time, and to look on the bright side of life instead of being a Negative Nelly all the time.
My current bright side? I have bubbies the size of beach balls. Giggidy.
May 25, 2010
More than anything else, I have never spotted. Not once. Not a hint of it.
So this morning, when I saw that blood on the toilet paper, on the last day of my 1st trimester, I just about lost my mind.
First I called my husband, told him I was spotting. Then I called my doctor’s nurse, and was barely able to hold my voice together. I told her what had happened, and that I knew everything was probably fine, but was there any way she could fit me in tomorrow, just to get checked. Thankfully, Nurse M knows about everything we’ve been through. She was mostly worried about me. She told me that she could hear me shaking on the phone. She was going to call Dr Loh (who was at the hospital) and call me back. Meanwhile, I called a good friend who would keep me occupied until Nurse M called me back.
When Nurse M called back, to my surprise, they weren’t going to fit me in for an ultrasound tomorrow. She was sending me immediately to the radiology place they affiliate with for an ultrasound. She faxed a prescription and said they were waiting for me, and would take me as soon as I got there (it was about 40 minutes away).
Our sonographer was Linda, and she was wonderful. Seriously kid gloves. Exactly what I needed. As soon as she put the wand on my belly, we saw a little arm pop up. All I wanted was to see the heartbeat, but Linda kept saying that with all the movement, everything was fine. Then we saw the perfect heartbeat beating away at 173. And then I breathed.
The ultrasound was amazing. 15 minutes of watching baby acrobatics. And Smudge was MOVING. All over the place. Cartwheels, somersaults, the works! Kicking and waving up a storm. It was great to see. And as soon as I saw s/he was okay, I pointed at the monitor and said “you’re grounded”, and the baby promptly raised it’s arm.
I’m fairly certain my child just gave me the finger.
Measurement-wise, we’re ahead in everything. The head is measuring 6 days ahead, abdomen 1 day and femur 3 days. I even got a NT sneak peek… the baby wouldn’t cooperate well, but from what she was able to see, she said she saw no significance to the area at all. So, although highly unofficial, I’ll take it.
Linda did find all three fibroids… so they’re still there, but the largest is hanging off the back of my uterus, so that’s fine. The two smaller ones are embedded in the wall, but not interfering with anything.
Then I saw the little black patch at the bottom of the screen. I’m a nurse. I’m not an idiot. I know what blood looks like on an ultrasound. I pointed it out to Linda and asked her if it was a subchorionic hematoma, and she said that, yes, that’s what she would call it.
Well, now we have our answer.
I’m 100% convinced that the HORRIBLE day I had at work yesterday, where I was on my feet for 12 hours, wasn’t able to sit hardly at all and didn’t drink nearly as much water as I would have wanted to, combined with the SCH is the reason why I spotted today.
Needless to say, I’m not going in tomorrow. I already called out.
So, here I am, sitting on my comfy chair with my nalgene bottle filled with water and the remote. Smudge is waving at me from the ultrasound picture on my right.
Today is the last day of my first trimester, and I absolutely love my baby.
It’s real. I’m pregnant. And I’m going to do whatever I have to in order to assure this baby is born healthy.
We have 18 weeks more to go! I can't believe how fast it has gone. It seems like just yesterday I was peeing on sticks trying to see if that line was real or not. I really can't believe it.
Last week, May 11, 2010, we had our Anatomy Scan. Boy, were we in for a shock. We first saw little Jelly Bean moving away in there. Showing us her/his fingers and toes. Then you see him/her touching her nose with her little finger.
Mr. OB has highlighted the special features of the ultrasound so you can see what he thought was going on:
Yes thats right folks, My husband thinks the little one is picking its nose! Silly boy!
And for the big reveal...
Its a GIRL! I think at first I was in shock. I started bawling. Not because I didn't want a girl just so many emotions came over me. What do I do with a girl? I hate shopping. I'm so not a girly girl. I know more about football than I know about makeup. I hate the color pink. She is doomed.
Then I realized all the little fun things we can do together. Baking (Yum!), Pedicures, Having Tea Parties, Playing Dress up, Dance Recitals, Gymnastics, Getting her ready for her first date (This will not come until she is 18 maybe 19), Sending her off to college (She will NOT go to a party school...Sorry that includes LSU. Just kidding Mr. OB, Just kidding), watching her walk down the aisle with her Daddy, Having her first child. Amazing.
Who knows what a do with a little girl or boy? No one really knows right? Its their first child. You have no idea. They don't come with instruction manuals. One thing I know for sure is that I will promise to never make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I will be the best mom I know I can be. I will love her unconditionally and be there to pick her up when she needs picking up. I know we will butt heads and this is where her father will come in and save the day. Her father will keep me in line. I promise to always be there for her whenever she needs it. I promise to make her own decisions and choices (within reason). We will be best friends but at the same time I will also be her mother. She will be wrapped around her father's finger and when I say no, she will run to him. I'm sure of it. She will have to get a job before she gets a car. And if she wants that expensive purse (which her mother NEVER gets) she will buy it herself. (I know I'm evil).
We will make it. We will survive. There isn't anything better than a mother daughter relationship and now I get to experience it.
May 24, 2010
Bubbies (oh how I love thee, Real Housewives of NJ) the size of beach balls? Check! Cravings for things I have never liked in my life such as cappuccino (the foam reminds me of cat vom)? Check! Headaches in the morning? Check! Feeling as though I'm the size of Shamu, the whale? Check yet again.
Seriously? I'm confused.
I used an OPK for about 5 days and it didn't show a surge (Clear Blue Smileys are FANTABULOUS), but I read that if you have PCOS, it may not be accurate. So, back to the drawing board and the waiting game, which for the most impatient person in the world is kind of a problem.
I should be hearing from my doctor's office sometime this week to see if my blood test showed that I ovulated, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to control myself from being "that patient" that calls the office every day asking for an update. If this cycle doesn't work out, I'm really going to push for the Provera since it seemed to snap my body back into cycle previously.
So now I sit and wait, and hope for those two pink lines to make an appearance yet again.
May 21, 2010
I tested on Tuesday, assuming I could be anywhere from 9-11DPO. Early, yes, but I figured.. why not?! Wouldn't you know it- I saw a hint of a second line. Kind of like a now you see it, now you don't type of line. I showed Mr. Sassy Bud, and he said he saw it too. I was in total disbelief. Of course I brought 2 HPT's with me to work, held my pee for a few hours, and tested again. Nothing. Later that afternoon- still nothing. I hoped that I just needed FMU so I decided to wait until the next morning.
Wednesday morning's test- no trace of a second line. Of course! I can't be the person to stop charting, test early, and actually get a surprise BFP.
I've concluded that what I saw was an evaporation line. They are not common on pink dye tests (I used an internet cheapie) but they do happen. Lucky me, I got to experience one.
The week was not all bad, though. Wednesday I went for the first step of the interview process for my dream job. It was basically a rundown of the position, along with some intense written testing. I found out that if I do get the job, I am required to relocate outside of my state due to the nature of the position. After a mild panic attack about leaving my home and friends, I am actually excited. How often do you get the chance to basically take a map of the US and pick the place that you want to live?! I am really hoping I can make it through the rest of the process. It will be difficult but I want it badly and I am going to do my best to get there. I should get the test results in 7-10 days.
I also got my final grade of the term on Wednesday. I got an A!! Not only that, but it was in the most difficult, time-consuming, challenging, and overall HORRIBLE class that I have taken so far. It also happens to be my first A of my law school career. Typically, I strive for mediocrity (aka a passing grade). So, the BFN was definitely overshadowed by great things.
Today is CD 28. Of the cycles that I have O'd while charting, they have been 26, 27, and 27 days. So- not really sure what is happening to my body, except maybe another annovulatory cycle. I suppose I need to test again at some point, but I'm not sure I can handle another BFN after the disappointment of this week.
Next week is our big trip so I will update after we get back unless there is other news to share!
May 20, 2010
This week at our regular OB appt., we discussed how long past my due date they would let me go. He said that they do not like their patients to go over a week past the due date. I want to do everything I can to avoid induction, so I've been drinking Raspberry Tea and am about ready to go to Wal-Mart to get a yoga ball to help her drop. When my doctor checked my cervix for dilation and effacement, I had made no progress. Baby HB is very happy being up under my ribs. My doctors exact words were "If I was a betting man, I would say that your little one is not going to make an early appearance. She will more then likely stay put until much closer to her due date." While I am excited for whenever she comes, I welcome a couple more weeks. Mr. HB is still putting blinds up in the nursery. We still have to put together all the fun equipment like the Pack N'Play, swing and stroller.
We do have our bags packed and everything ready should she decide to make an appearance. I just hope it's after this weekend. The weather is supposed to be absolutely perfect, so Mr. Hopeful Bud and I are going to a baseball game this Saturday, and then spending the night down in the city and a fancy hotel. It's not much of a babymoon, but I'm so excited about it. Mr. HB and I really need some quality time together.
So here I sit in our office at 37 weeks and 3 days. For the most part I feel okay, but I am really starting to get uncomfortable. I don't think she has dropped yet, but I am feeling way more pressure on my cervix then I normally do. I was really hoping to get into the chiropractor today or tomorrow, because my hips have been hurting too, but she is all booked up. I see a pedicure in my future!
I'll keep you ladies posted.
Take care and stay hopeful!
May 19, 2010
Since I finished graduate school this past week, I was thinking all my stress would be gone and I could pick up doing yoga again. Well that didn't last for long. I got home from work and DH told me that he is having serious cuts at work and his job is iffy. The responsible person inside of me thinks this would be a good time to TTA, but the emotional person in me wants to keep trying incase there are infertility issues. Also we could survive on my pay and small part time from DH we could survive. It would be tight, but we wouldn't have to pay for daycare. Well I guess for once in my life I can be spontaneous and if it happens it happens. I will definitely let you know how that goes.
May 17, 2010
But the past few days I've been having a bit of a hard time, and now that i've finally told my husband about it, i feel like telling you guys too.
the past few days i've been really sad about our lost twin.
I don't know why this is coming up now. I never really got sad about the twin before. But as happy as I am now about smudge, is as sad as I am about the baby we lost.
I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant - i don't know why these feelings are just coming up now.
May 16, 2010
This FET cycle has been great! I had minimal visits to the RE and at my last appointment and U/S this past Thursday my lining was a 9. It has to be at least an 8 for the transfer. My FET #1 is scheduled for tomorrow YEAH! God willing our little snow babies will be in my uterus for the long haul!
Have a Great Sunday,
May 15, 2010
- Once people know you are pregnant, they will want to touch your stomach...even when you're only 8 weeks (ahem, my MIL) & not even close to showing yet. It's just fat people. No, my stomach wasn't completely flat before & what you're feeling right now - it 'aint baby. It's disturbing, but sometimes you have to roll with it I guess. I know it's gonna REALLY freak me out when strangers start doing it....maybe I should buy this shirt (click to make larger; Photo Credit)? --->
- Gagging due to a person's odor (which may not necessarily be bad - just something you can't tolerate at the time) while on public transportation is rude yes, but something that is sometimes unavoidable. Sorry people!
- If buying that cute little unisex onesie you passed by at target will help you stop thinking about all of the "what If's" the first few months of pregnancy bring, then buy it! And it's so cute too...how can you resist the cuteness?! :o)
- Not buying one of those at home Doppler thingys was probably a good idea for yours truly. You see my name right? If I would have been unable to find Baby WB's h/b before my 12 week appointment (when my OB's very experienced nurse practitioner couldn't even find it), I think I would have went insane...literally. It would have been a definite emergency room visit for the Worry Buds. And, now I can spend all the money I saved on not paying a $40 rental fee per month for the Doppler on cute baby/nursery stuff!! And hopefully I'll start feeling the LO soon enough & at that point I hear you don't worry so much about what's going on in there. (Photo Credit)
- I'd like to reiterate Glow Bud's very pertinent point about not making long road trips when you have no control over how much you will be stopping. Yeah, I planned a 4 hour road trip to NYC (on one of those big commuter buses) when I was like & 7 weeks pregnant. Yeah, I was dying trying to hold my pee & almost threw up multiple times b/c if I didn't eat exactly when I needed to I'd feel sick. On the way home, I demanded that we be dropped off at an earlier stop in our city b/c, "I was not getting back on that bus." I told Mr. Worry Bud that he might have to just get back on the bus & meet up with me later if the driver refused to give us our bags at the earlier stop, lol.
- Don't try & rationalize your emotional (and by emotional, I mean cRaZy) outbursts to your husband. He just thinks you're crazy. He doesn't see a baby or a bump, so he doesn't understand the whole pregnancy can cause often extrememly irrational emotional outbursts. Just apologize when it's over & give your hubby a big hug & kiss! (Photo Credit)
- If you're hungry - eat...even if you feel like you just ate a couple hours ago. Believe me, it'll make you feel SO much better.
- If your boobs/nipples itch, scratch 'em. Even if you're in public...just find a way to discretely scratch them. Oh & speaking of your girls - pay no mind to how large the veins in your breasts get - it literally looked like someone punched me in the boob & gave me a big bruise all of a sudden one morning. Weird, but it happens, I hear due to increased blood volume in your body while pregnant. :oP
- Play the "pregnancy card" whenever necessary with your husband - hey, this is his baby too (that he wanted just as bad as you did) & he can pick up some of the slack if you're too exhausted to
. In my case, it was usually cooking, cleaning, or walking the dog. (Photo Credit)
- Don't feel like you need to rush to make all the decisions that come with being a first time parent: home- or center-based daycare, nursery furniture, bedding, strollers, medicated or natural birth, cloth or disposable diapers, etc., etc. Take your time, weigh your options. Don't feel like you always have to have an opinion one way or another right away.
- Every 1st time mom worries, but try to not let the worry consume you. It's very hard sometimes, but when you aren't worrying, it feels soooo good. Like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. And also, I think in the back of your head you will always worry about your child - even when they're 19 & in college. For different reasons, yes. But it all boils down to one thing: the immense & overwhelming sense of responsibility & love you have for them. Even when they are only the size of a poppy seed. (Photo Credit) It's normal!
My 16 week appointment is on Friday, woot! Hoping to schedule our BIG u/s for 18 weeks, which is the earliest my OB allows their patients to schedule it. Technically the day I want to schedule it for is 17w6d, so hopefully they won't give me any problems on that. Please send prayers that the appointment goes well & we have no scares like we did at our last one. :o/ <--- see that? WORRYING. It never ends. Hope everyone has a great week!
May 13, 2010
The day after my appointment with the new RE, he had me come back in for an SHG. What he found was disappointing to say the least.
I have a fibroid. Not just any fibroid, but a HUGE freaking fibroid. It's the same one I was operated on in February. It was submucosal and most of it was embedded in the uterine wall and they could only get what was in the uterus. Since then, it's delivered into the uterus completely and grown. Grown so much that it's actually expanding my uterus and stretching it and distorting it's shape completely. A normal uterus is triangular shaped. Mine is a horizontal oval right now.
My right tube is blocked on the outside by ovarian tissue. He will decide completely once he's inside and can get a better look but he feels that removing it would be the best course of action. He said that when there is a blockage on the outside, there is generally damage inside the tube as well and that it greatly decreases chance of pregnant and increases chance of ectopic.
My left ovary is triple the size of a normal ovary. SHEESH! He has no idea what is going on there but he's hoping that it's overstimulation from Clomid. I'm on birth control pills for another month in the hopes that it will calm down and shrink in size. If it doesn't.... it has to be removed. It's also covered in cysts and he said that he can't safely remove the cysts without risking snapping the ovary off due to it's size and unstable state.
I'm scheduled for another SHG on the 27th of this month to see how that ovary is doing.
My surgery (lap/hysteroscopy) is scheduled for June 2. I won't know what is removed until I wake up from surgery.
I'm praying to God every day that I don't wake up with just a left tube and a right ovary. Because frankly, that would suck.
If I get to keep my left ovary, we have a shot at IUI. If I don't.... our only option is IVF.
But for now... I'm on birth control pills and am actually in a MUCH better place emotionally than I have been in awhile. Knowing 100% that I can not get pregnant is actually a relief for now. There's not stress or wonder or worry. It's nice to live in the moment and enjoy the NOW instead of being completely focused on what's going on.
Because I am so sensitive to my comfort level, my annoyance meter usually stays at a steady 40 (out of 100, 100 being the highest annoyance, of course), but you would never know it. Somehow, miraculously in my older age, I have been able to control my emotions. But throw in The Clomid Factor (yes, this has hit the point that it deserves a formal title!) and Holy Mother of Cats, hold on to your butts.
I've been fortunate enough that I have not experienced the harsh side effects others have had on this medication, but this little pill? Has made my annoyance meter hit a steady 80 (on a good day), and has taken down a few innocent bystanders along the way.
The Clomid Factor has influenced the following situations this week:
1. Apparently talking through a yawn is completely unacceptable behavior. Mr. SB had the nerve to do this unthinkable act on the phone the other day and I hung up on him........only to call back 30 seconds later to apologize.
2. A teenage employee at Chik Fil A wished me a Happy Mothers Day complimented by a free brownie. This made me Lose. My. Mind. Most of you are probably thinking this upset me because of the problems I have been having becoming pregnant, and that my emotions were totally warranted. Not the issue. I thought she was calling me old. I snatched the bag out of her hand and peeled out of the drive thru like a bat out of hell (yes, I ate the brownie, yes, I enjoyed it, and yes, I'm pretty sure this secured my spot in hell).
3. Speaking of driving, I'm beginning to think that the keys should be quickly taken away from me. But being that my work is about an hour away from my house, there's really no way to get around it. My road rage has about tripled on the annoyance meter, and the only thing that has kept me under control is the irrational fear I have where I think everyone carries a gun in their glove compartment (irrational fears are my specialty).
4. Trip to the grocery store? A small feat under normal circumstances, a complete disaster under The Clomid Factor. Not being able to find the peanut butter led to a sob fest in the car on the way home. Never in my life have I been so over emotional over peanuts and oil (shocking, I know.).
Add in the fact that my favorite hockey team (love ya Pens!) was completely embarrassed out of the playoffs, and its been a hard week. But you know what? Every day it has gotten better. I've learned to curb my emotions and realize when I am acting like an irrational, crazy person. And above all, I have an understanding that sometimes you have to go through a little bit of hell to get to heaven (I just hope Mr. SB has the same understanding. Have I mentioned how I do not deserve this man?).
I have my eyes on the prize - a Little SB that will most likely have my eyes and my husband's laugh. And that, my friends? Is worth all the unjustified Mother's Day brownies and tears spilled over peanut butter in the world.
May 10, 2010
I guess now we are onto cycle #5. I just remember a conversation I had with a coworker when she announced her pregnancy in January. She said that it took them five cycles. I responded (naively at the time), "5 months isn't bad at all." No it is like forever in TTC time. I feel as though we have been trying longer than we haven't. I can barely remember the relief I used to feel when AF would show up. Now she just sends me wanted to run to bed. I guess it doesn't help that this is really the one thing I can't control and it drives me absolutely crazy. I had hoped to have a little baby PB by the time I walked across that stage to get my Master's. Now I am just praying to have one by our anniversary. At least I will be able to drink at my graduation party, and it is getting less likely that I will have a noticeable baby bump at my friend's July wedding. I guess you have got to count the small things.
We are keeping up with the charting and opks. I am still concerned that my cm tends to dry up around O day. I am drinking green tea a lot, but if it continues this cycle I may call my doctor, who already thinks I am crazy. Maybe the fifth time is a charm and I will have an end of school BFP. One can hope.
In other news, we got the final results from our NT Scan last week & everything looks great! The geneticist said that our baby Worry Bud has a 1 in 10,000 chance of being born with Downs Syndrome, Trisomy 13 or 18 - she said that was the lowest possible risk factor based on their standards. I wasn't necessarily worried about the results, since my pregnancy was considered relatively low risk for any of those genetic disorders based on my age & absence of history of any such genetic issues in either of our families, but it still feels great to hear our LO is healthy in there! Thank God!
According to The Bump (photo credit), this week Baby WB is the size of a lemon or a fist!! S/he is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, making urine & breathing in amniotic fluid as his liver, kidney & spleen continue to develop. S/he is also covered in lanugo, which is a thin hair, that grows all over a developing baby's body for warmth - stay warm in there Baby WB!
In other news, we picked out & ordered our nursery furniture this weekend! Babies 'R Us was having a huge sale & we got 20% off both pieces we bought - the convertible crib (plus the conversion kit) & the dresser/changer combo. They are from Baby Cache, which got a A- rating in Baby Bargains & good reviews everywhere else I researched! The finish is called "cherry wood," but in person it's a little darker than traditional cherry wood, so it works since we initially wanted dark wood furniture. It'll be delivered to our house late this week actually - much sooner than I expected, so Mr. Worry Bud is going to be hard at work painting the nursery (a gender neutral, aqua blue) this week! Woot!
My next OB appointment is next Friday - May 21st & I'm hoping to schedule the BIG u/s that day! I can't wait to find out what we are having so that I can start decorating Baby WB's nursery! And finally, I leave you with my 14 week "bump" picture:
Hope everyone has a great week & farewell to Glow Bud...we'll miss you 'round here!
May 9, 2010
It's been really fun though getting to tell my story through BB and I love that I got to share it - Baby GB is now 6 weeks!!! Oiy Vey! I can't believe how fast it's gone... I'm already 1/2 way through my maternity leave and I'm SO not looking forward to going back to work. I'm trying not to think about it though and just enjoy the rest of my time at home with Baby GB! I thought after a few weeks once we got settled in at home that I'd have more time to keep up with the blog but I just can't find the time!
Anyway, I find it appropriate that I bid my farewell on Mother's Day... the only chance I've gotten to even log in to Blogger - only because Mr. GB is napping with baby :) I wish ALL the new and old buds the best of luck in their journey and I can't WAIT to meet more of your bloomin' babies!!!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE!!!
May 6, 2010
My journey started in November 2008 when Mr. SB and I decided to ditch the BCP and switched to TTC on our honeymoon. We were both so excited and totally ready to have a baby - until my arch nemeses, Auth Flo decided to skip town - and it wasn't because I was pregnant. Well, she didn't exactly skip town, as much as she would show unexpectedly and demand to be accommodated. Mr. SB and I had previously decided to wait one year until we would talk to our doctors about our TTC woes, but we knew something was wrong and that it had to be addressed.
I was diagnosed with PCOS in June of 2009 and given the drug Provera to stop a visit from Aunt Flo that had lasted for over three weeks (Worst. Houseguest. Ever.).
The next month I showed signs of fertility and we were so happy. I began to think that maybe the Provera was all that my body needed to kick my ovaries back into gear! We did the Wild Monkey Dance when we thought we were supposed to and waited.....until Aunt Flo decided to crash the party a few weeks later (I imagine that in real life, Aunt Flo is the type of party crasher that would steal your toilet paper and draw obscene pictures on your face while your asleep). Although we were disappointed, we started to see a light at the seemingly never ending TTC tunnel.
The next month the same thing happened. Signs of fertility, Wild Monkey Dance, 2WW. Except AF decided not to pay a visit that month. I wanted to think I was pregnant, but because my cycle was so irregular, I didn't want to get my hopes up. Until the day when I bought a pregnancy test.......and 2 lines appeared. Mr. SB and I were over the moon! We thought that our wait was finally over and that we were finally going to be able to have our dreams fulfilled....we were going to be parents.
Then the bleeding started at 6 weeks. I miscarried.
I cannot even put into words what I felt during that time. I felt like someone had yanked my heart out of my chest, stomped on it, and then roundhouse kicked it Chuck Norris style around the tri-state area. I spent the next 2 months in a whirlwind of emotions. Sad, angry, defeated.
Mr. SB was my rock, the best support system I could have ever asked for. We reveled in the fact that, at least, we still had each other - which I now know was my saving grace. We found strength in our love for each other.
We waited one cycle and after that, decided to try again. I remember sitting at my parents' house on Christmas and feeling that ever familiar sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I feared the worse, and even though I knew it was early, when I got home that evening I immediately took a pregnancy test.....which was negative. I let out a huge sigh of relief and tried to put it out of my mind.
A few days later I started spotting. Still fearing the worse, I took another test. Negative. Once again, relief swept over me.
Until 2 days after that when I started to bleed again. I knew this pattern, and my heart sank. Taking a pregnancy test for the third time confirmed my fear - I was pregnant and was losing my baby, once again. Blood tests from my doctor's office confirmed this, and at that moment, I think I forgot to breathe. I couldn't believe that we had to go through this again.
Except this time, I refuse to be defeated. I know that if I want to achieve my dream of becoming a mother, I will have to fight for it. After checking out a few RE's (against my regular OB's unwarranted advice. In her words, "Only two miscarriages? I think we should try one more time." Haha - right Lady), I found one that was perfect for me. Was he a "Warm Fuzzy"? No, which is pretty awesome being that I am the type of person where any unnecessary touching makes me want to recoil in disgust (yes, I'm a hug hater, respect the personal bubble). Did he know his shit? Absolutely. I picked him.
After our initial consultation, he decided to put me on Clomid. My saline ultrasound came back perfect (besides the polycystic ovaries), and right at this moment I am on my first round of 50 mg Clomid, with minimal side effects (Have I woken up in the middle of the night sweating like a fat kid chasing M&Ms? Yes, but that's what I consider minimal).
I am ready for this, I am ready to try again.
May 5, 2010
Dr. P said that he disagrees with everything that Dr. M said.
1. I do not need IVF. At all. He was incredulous that Dr. M even suggested it.
2. It's not a polyp. It's the same fibroid that I had surgery on in February. It's submucosal. Half of it had been embedded in the muscular wall and has now popped out into the uterine cavity and is preventing us from getting pregnant. It does need to be surgically removed especially due to the increasing intensity of my periods. He was concerned when he heard my last period was 9 days long and I was going through super tampons paired with pads and soaking through both in less than an hour.
3. He agrees that the right tube is blocked but disagrees that it can't be removed and he wants to remove it. This would mean I would only get to ovulate out of one tube every other month but it decreases our risk of ectopic pregnancy which is sitting around 10% right now.
4. He disagrees with the diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve and said that my FSH should never be tested when my ovaries are covered in cysts because they cause increases in your hormone levels. My FSH in September was 7.8 when I had no cysts.
5. Mr. Sunflower Bud has (in the doctor's exact words) amazing and perfect "donor quality" sperm that he doesn't see very often. Naturally, Mr. Sunflower Bud is all puffed up and feeling good about himself right now.
He said that once we get in there and get everything out, we should have no trouble getting pregnant and he would want to do the IUI (artificial insemination) without any fertility drugs until I actually show signs of ovulation problems. He's very conservative about fertility drugs and feels they shouldn't be used if you already ovulate fine on your own.
I feel like we actually have hope now. If we can just get this fibroid out once and for all...
I go back tomorrow for another SHG so he can get a good look at how the fibroid is situated and if there are any others. He also wants a more in depth look for himself at the blockage on the right tube. Dr. M wrote that it was a hydrosalpinx and Dr. P finds it hard to believe that is the case but won't rule it out until he sees it himself.
Afterward, we'll discuss scheduling the surgery. Another surgery... UGH. But at least this time I know it's just a means to an end.
I held a 4 week old baby girl tonight for over an hour. Just the feel of her in my arms and looking at her sweet face gave me restored hope and faith that one day I will be holding one of my own again.
May 4, 2010
This morning I realized I didn't even know what CD I was on. You know what- it was a great feeling. I am still using Fertility Friend to keep track of when AF comes, but that is it. I think I made the right decision for myself. I feel much less stressed out about my cycle. My chart was not getting me pregnant, obviously.
In non-TTC news, Mr. Sassy Bud just got back from a long-weekend vacation visiting family in Texas. We are also taking another trip in a few weeks for his 30th birthday and our 4th anniversary. I'm really looking forward to spending some relaxing quality time together. School started for me again yesterday. I am taking 4 classes plus working full time. I foresee myself being a wreck about 14 weeks from now when I have to take 4 law-school finals in one week. Yikes!
May 3, 2010
Our NT Scan went well - the baby measured perfectly, had an awesome heartbeat of 162bpm, and the baby's NT measured normally. The geneticist says they have to wait on the blood work, which she should receive by the middle of this week to give us the final results. We saw Baby WB again, which was the most important part! I won't even post the pic from the u/s because the quality of that u/s was horrible, but we saw the baby moving around a little bit & the tech measured the hb for me, which was the main two things I was concerned with (minus the actual point of the u/s). According to The Bump (photo credit), Baby WB is the size of a peach this week - a peach! His head is now more proportionate to his body, he's forming vocal cords & teeth, and I even read that the baby can hear when you talk to him/her. So you know what Mr. WB did when I told him that? He ordered a bunch of children's books on Amazon to read to the baby while s/he is still in my tummy - just about melted my heart. He's so excited. He's going to make such an awesome daddy & I can't WAIT to see him hold his baby in his arms for the first time. :)
I also told my boss about the pregnancy - it went awesome. He's so happy for me & he told me to take my precious time with leave. He said lots of good stuff about promotions too, all things I like to hear. I heart my boss - he always makes me feel so appreciated. I couldn't ask for a more flexible schedule or a more understanding boss. My team leader & I butt heads a little sometimes, but I think that even he will be very supportive & happy about my news. (He was out today, so I'll tell him tomorrow). So now that I told them, I'll be "coming out" to the rest of the world now...I think it's time & we are sick of hiding our immense joy in expecting our child! The plan is not to randomly tell people, but not hide it either. If someone guesses or it comes up in convo, then we'll tell. And finally, for your (possible) viewing pleasure, here's my 13 week "bump" picture. I think that perhaps a little bit of bump is actually starting to show. Either that or my bell-eh is getting really big from my food baby! I've gained about 8-9 lbs. so far & I am okay with that gain, hoping to definitely stay within the healthy weight gain range, which is 25-35 lbs. for someone with a healthy BMI prior to pregnancy.
This weekend we are going to start looking at nursery furniture. We probably won't buy anything yet, but we will be doing our research and personally "trying out the furniture" & likely making a selection or at least narrowing down the possible options. I'm super excited - squeee!
May 2, 2010
This is really some kind of cruel joke that the world is playing on me and I'm sure countless other women. Let's work it so these ladies just have to wait to right around Mother's Day to figure out if the one thing they desperately desire will occur. The world tends to have a real messed up sense of humor; it sort of reminds of my brother. Of course my mind goes directly to the BFP. I am already thinking about how I will try to keep it from our family at least until it is confirmed by the doctor. Now isn't this pathetic, planning for the hypothetical reveal. Oh well maybe this month is the month. I guess we all will know next weekend.
I will try to update you later during the week, but I have an absolutely insane week. I just realized that I have deadline on Thursday AM which I originally thought was Thursday PM. Guess I won't be sleeping on Wednesday.
Depending on the website, smudge may not be an embryo anymore. The information is fairly evenly divided as to when an embryo is considered a fetus. Merck says 8 weeks, IVF.ca says 8 weeks and medline says 8 weeks. So we're saying 8 weeks.
And in that case... meet my fetus:
-----------Smudge 8w via Dr L ---------------------------Smudge 8w1d via Dr Z-------
At 8 weeks, we had our first appointment with Dr L, my new OB. Her partner (Dr M) is my Gyn, and I and thrilled that i'm able to stay with the same practice.
Dr L is exactly the kind of doctor I need. She's going to be a weight nazi, and has me already counting calories and calcium content and focusing on low-glycemic carbohydrates. I need that. After losing 60 pounds, and keeping it off for more than 2 years, I'm actually terrified of gaining too much weight. Not because I don't want to - i'll PROUDLY wear my baby belly, but that's all I want it to be. I'm still a good 45 pounds overweight, and I really want to keep it to the minimum. Hopefully she'll be able to help me do that so I can also try to avoid complications like gestational diabetes.
Another thing I like about her is that she isn't all about medication. THRILLED because neither are we. She asked me about constipation, which you all know I know well at this point. She had me add 500mg of magnesium to my vitamin regimen taken at night before bed. It's working so far. YAY for no more prunes. But I love how she went to the magnesium, and NOT the colace or the metamucil. This is definitely the doc for me.
I was a little concerned about her being a single doctor OB practice, but she was able to set our minds at ease. She schedules her vacations in advance, and if she has plans or makes plans for the window around your due date, they tell you at the time of your first appointment, so you can decide if you want to stay with the practice, knowing she might not be able to deliver you. For me, the worst case scenario would be if Smudge comes on thanksgiving, because she'll be 6 hours away with family, but other than that, we're good to go. I'm not worried.
The next day was my last appointment with Dr Z. It was so bittersweet. It was awesome that smudge is doing SO great (1 day ahead in growth and a perfect heartbeat). He was happy to tell me that our miscarriage rate is now less than 5%, having hit the 8 week mark. We saw little flippers on the u/s and a brain cavity! And I really love seeing the little flicker of the heartbeat.
Dr Z hugged me before we left. He said that if I ever want to come back for an appointment with him, all I have to do is call and that he WANTS to see me; they don't get to see many pregnant bellies at his office. He gave me his personal email address to send him pictures and updates. And best of all, he reminded me that he was ALSO board certified in ObGyn, so if I ever had any questions about something I was being advised to do, I could just call him and get his opinion.
Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE Dr Z? I'm going to miss him and his staff. We're sending them an edible arrangement to thank them for getting us this far, and for being so awesome.
So, for now, I have to try to get used to being a normal pregnant lady (albeit, one who is advanced maternal age). It's going to be difficult to switch to monthly visits rather than weekly. I'm used to all of this medical attention. So weird now.
So, our upcoming schedule:
10w: Next Dr L appointment
12w2d: NT scan
14w: Dr L
18w: Dr L
20w1d: Anatomy Scan
You know i'm going to have to finagle something for 16 weeks. There's NO way i'll be able to go a FULL month with NOTHING.
Oh jeez - i can totally see me buying one of those dopplers now, for in between appointment use. Hey - at least I'm trained to use it.