Circling in the holding pattern

It's been about a week since I posted. I've needed some time to digest everything I found out.

The day after my appointment with the new RE, he had me come back in for an SHG. What he found was disappointing to say the least.

I have a fibroid. Not just any fibroid, but a HUGE freaking fibroid. It's the same one I was operated on in February. It was submucosal and most of it was embedded in the uterine wall and they could only get what was in the uterus. Since then, it's delivered into the uterus completely and grown. Grown so much that it's actually expanding my uterus and stretching it and distorting it's shape completely. A normal uterus is triangular shaped. Mine is a horizontal oval right now.

My right tube is blocked on the outside by ovarian tissue. He will decide completely once he's inside and can get a better look but he feels that removing it would be the best course of action. He said that when there is a blockage on the outside, there is generally damage inside the tube as well and that it greatly decreases chance of pregnant and increases chance of ectopic.

My left ovary is triple the size of a normal ovary. SHEESH! He has no idea what is going on there but he's hoping that it's overstimulation from Clomid. I'm on birth control pills for another month in the hopes that it will calm down and shrink in size. If it doesn't.... it has to be removed. It's also covered in cysts and he said that he can't safely remove the cysts without risking snapping the ovary off due to it's size and unstable state.

I'm scheduled for another SHG on the 27th of this month to see how that ovary is doing.

My surgery (lap/hysteroscopy) is scheduled for June 2. I won't know what is removed until I wake up from surgery.

I'm praying to God every day that I don't wake up with just a left tube and a right ovary. Because frankly, that would suck.

If I get to keep my left ovary, we have a shot at IUI. If I don't.... our only option is IVF.

But for now... I'm on birth control pills and am actually in a MUCH better place emotionally than I have been in awhile. Knowing 100% that I can not get pregnant is actually a relief for now. There's not stress or wonder or worry. It's nice to live in the moment and enjoy the NOW instead of being completely focused on what's going on.