December 31, 2010

Last BCP of 2010.

Today is officially my last day of Birth Control Pills. My Baseline and E2 Ultrasound are on Monday and if all goes well I will be able to start stims next week.




Looking back on 2010 it is was a rough year for Mr. Blessed Bud and I but, a new year brings a renewed sense of hope and faith that God has our situation under control. Wishing all of the Buds and Bloomin' Babies readers a very Happy New Year!!






Until Next Year,

5 or 7 DPO?

I've spent a lot of this week trying to figure out if I O'd on CD17 or CD19. I even did a poll of some online friends, which was inconclusive. I'm going with CD17, since it was the first Peak day on my CBEFM and I had lots of EWCM. (Sorry, TMI!) We had great timing, but with FF questioning whether it's CD17 or CD19, it's made me unsure--which has then caused me to be a little more negative about our timing. I discarded the CD19 low temp this morning, and the pattern seems much more clear once I did that. Here's my chart, if you'd like to take a look!



Tonight we're going to ring in the new year in style. We're hosting a party, and are having about 10 friends over to celebrate. I'm excited about the menu--it's low-maintenance and easy to prep for. Flatbread bar with assorted toppings (friends will make their own flatbreads and eat them cold or baked), guac & hummus with veggies & pita chips, and two desserts--a vegan pumpkin spice bundt cake, and vegan chocolate cupcakes with vegan vanilla "buttercream" icing. I normally don't make a lot of vegan food, but we have two friends coming tonight that are, so I thought I'd experiment. The cake turned out really great, and I'm putting everything else together today.

I'm mostly just excited that we get to say goodbye to the crap year that 2010 turned into. I don't think there's much more I could have taken--running injury, moderately abnormal pap, LEEP, family drama, Mr. MB having health problems, getting pregnant, having a miscarriage...I'm ready to be done! So tonight, we say hello to a new year, with a new and improved outlook on what the year holds in store for each of us.

Happy New Year!
Love, Magnolia Bud

December 29, 2010

Not the worst news...

...but it is far from the best.

I am a nanny. I love my job, I love the baby I take care of. This was the conversation with my employer today, along with my thoughts:

"Cherry Bud (because that's what she calls me), we need to talk Oh snap, what did I do? about some changes that will be happening with Brianna Oh. Either weaning off the paci or potty training, probably. About time on both. Briann's Grandma hasn't been well, and she has wanted to watch Bri from the beginning, but her schedule wouldn't allow it Oh, yes, Jeanine said she had Wednesdays and Thursdays off now. I wonder how that will affect my pay but now she's going to be quitting her job because of medical issues Oh no so your last day will be January 26."

I've lost my job.

My means of paying for prenatal care and delivery bills. Mortgage, Food, Diapers, Baby Furniture, Baby clothes.

I feel like I should be devastated, and I would be lying if I said there is no worry in the pit of my stomach. There is.

But there is peace, as well. When my boss asked what I would do, I heard myself say, inexplicably,

"I will be taken care of. God has never let me down before."

I am trying to cling to the peace that says that I was not given a baby only to have God withhold any means of caring for them. I have a support system of family here in town, and Mr. CB has a job that pays well enough.

If you pray, I would ask you to pray. If you think good thoughts, I ask for those.

Right now, we have a healthy baby, and that's enough blessing even without a job.

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Follow Up

So, yesterday, I went to my Doctor for my follow-up appointment. Apparently, I am very healthy! Cholesterol was good, sugar was good, thyroid was normal, etc. The results of my stress test (walking on a treadmill and blowing into this little machine) werre also good. He ran me through this machine and did a body scan, deciding that he wanted me to lose like 20kilos of fat and gain muscle.

He is starting me on a diet program of 1200 calories a day, burning 300 with exercise, and has introduced me to an App to help with my "fitness" goals. It's called "MyFitnessPal". It's pretty cool ;) it helps you track what you eat, counting calories, etc.

Basically, now I will just start this, take care of myself and hope things start to happen. He said he wanted to give me an appetite suppressant and some metformin to get me going, so we'll see how that goes.

I need to go buy a bunch of vitamins, a pulse monitor, and some muscle milk, all recommended by the Doc himself :)

Hopefully I can stay on track and reach my goals... My ultimate goal being having a baby bump by next Christmas :)









Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Shot through the heart at dinner

Yesterday my FET was officially proclaimed a negative (via email, at my request). Today I picked up Mr. GB's records and shuttled his thin stack and my gigantic stack to clinic #2. I knew exactly where to go--it's right next door to the MFM clinic where we got such horrible news this summer. I was a little taken aback walking in and seeing a male receptionist, but I instantly liked him when he offered to photocopy all of my records. Any bit of compassion helps these days so I accepted his offer and browsed their various brochures. Picked up one for an acupuncture clinic (yay, another out-of-pocket expense) and made my way home to file away the copies in a locked drawer. Nothing to see here.

Tonight we went to my dad/step-mom's house for dinner. All their Christmas cards were on display and I saw two that ripped my heart out--two photo cards of babies of family/friend couples we know, both of whom got married AFTER us and are substantially younger. Good for them having sex & making babies! That's so awesome. One was even due on my due date. She got to keep her baby and put it on a Christmas card. I got to send out yet another card featuring Golden Dog (for the third in a row). Is this what our lives will be like--perpetual Christmas cards of our dog? Won't people start to feel sorry for us? Do they already?

December 28, 2010

Almost in the double digits

Holy cow, this is flying by! I'm almost 10 weeks. Crazy.

Everything has been good so far. Baby has been measuring on time and with a very healthy heartbeat in the 170's. Morning sickness has been a beast but a combo of Zofran, Pepcid and B6 has kind of been helping. Not enough that I'm not still besties with the toilet some days.

I graduated from the RE and I love my OBGYN office so far. That's always awesome to have a great relationship with the person delivering your child. :)

I go back in about a week and a half for ultrasound #4 to calm anxiety and fears and then at 12 weeks is the NT test already!

I still have a lot of nightmares that something is wrong and it's been really hard to just relax and enjoy the pregnancy I worked so hard to get. I'm hoping that second tri brings enough assurance that I can finally accept and relax.

Keeping all of you Buds in my thoughts and prayers, especially those who are struggling right now.

Cautiously optimistic...

is probably the one phrase that would describe me right now. I cannot help to be optimistic after our first IUI, even if Mr. PB's numbers weren't great for both. I just feel great that we are actually doing something productive to help ourselves. I know feeling so positive will make getting bad news even harder, but I can't help it.
Now for all the numbers:
IUI #1 on Sunday 12/27: post-wash sperm count 10 million, but 75% motility
IUI #2 on Monday 12/28: post-wash sperm count 22 million with 4 progression, which according to the Fertility Bits blog:

how the sperm swim in a linear direction. Progression scores range from not moving (0) to rapid linear movement (4). All fresh (non-processed) and frozen thawed semen samples generally have individual sperm that exhibit all progression scores. The average progression score for a fresh or frozen thawed semen sample is between 2 and 3.

I had some cramping on Sunday afterward and more on Monday, but today I woke up with nothing. I did have to go to the dentist and let her know that I couldn't have an x-ray which prompted her to make all sorts of comments about me being pregnant, including commenting how much gums were bleeding (they bleed every time). Oh well.

I have my beta test January 10th with a follow-up appointment with my RE at 1. Hopefully they will have the results in time. I am desperately going to try not to test until then, but I know it won't happen. Part of me wants to test right now just so that I can see a positive, even though it would be a false positive because of my Ovidrel.

Fingers crossed! I wish you all a great New Years and I hope you all get everything you want in 2011.

December 27, 2010

Call me Debbie Downer Bud

I just noticed that my last post was wedged between a joyous birth and 3 optimistic & excited Buds.

Ugh. Really sorry to be the Debbie Downer of the bunch. Infertility is no fun and I'm sorry I'm never the bearer of good news.

Well for what it's worth, I went in for my beta test this morning, which seems pointless considering I already stopped all my meds (so sue me!) but I suppose we need to make the BFN official. The good news is that I had a chat with their very sweet receptionist and she gave me a thick stack of all my records so that I can get a second opinion at a competing clinic. And when I got home, I made an appointment with their top doctor for January 5th, a week from today.

It's such a relief to get some fresh eyes and ideas involved with minimal wait. I will probably go to the appointment alone--Mr. GB gets all kinds of confused and stressed out at these things, and to make matters worse, the clinic is right next door to the MFM clinic where we had our terrible ultrasound. Being married to Mr. Sensitive definitely has its downsides. Better to fly solo on this one.

And in case you were wondering, I busted into that big envelope and looked through all the records. Did you know they keep notes on every call and every appointment? There were records of all my surgeries, all my ultrasounds, and all the embryo reports. I found nothing surprising or disturbing (fortunately I already knew the karyotyping results of our baby otherwise that would've been a surprise). I can't make any sense out of the embryology reports, which is the only thing I am remotely curious about. But anyway, I'm content to hand off those papers and never look at them again. Good riddance.

I also made an appointment today to get my overdue physical. I love my primary care physician--she's young and hip and not at all the lecturing type. I'm kind of excited to see her because I have a laundry list of items to ask her about: I need a tetanus shot, and I'm going to ask her about going back on Lipitor for awhile--I've been off of it for 3 years while TTC and I'm sure my cholesterol is sky high. I'm also going to get some more acne medication and maybe some fancy folic acid/B12 vitamins. It'll be nice to talk to a doctor about health issues that aren't aren't about pregnancy (or lack thereof). And it'll be nice to go to a doctor and have the appointment paid for. I forget what that's like.

So it's not all gloom and doom here. I'm actually feeling pretty good, all things considered. I see us approaching the end of TTC road in 2011, and we are going to have to pick a new path. I think Mr. GB is a little bit in denial and has put off a conversation about next steps, but ultimately he wants a baby, too. Puppies and rainbows and miracles don't seem to be working. Maybe adoption is our only choice. Maybe surrogacy. Maybe a new clinic & some vaginal Viagra will help my lining. Who knows.

Golden Bud

Just Another Manic Monday and....

I start Lupron!



As my IVF Cycle is getting underway I realize the holidays have pretty much flown by already. It is back to work tomorrow in a blizzard no doubt, but such is life. I will be on 10 units of Lupron until my Baseline Ultrasound and E2 with Dr. T on January 3. Speaking of Manic Mondays, I will leave for your viewing pleasure the original Manic Monday by The Bangles, which was written by the one and only musical genius Prince... This song always made my Mondays a little better...



Until Next Time,

Good Christmas? No... GREAT Christmas :)

I am proud to be reporting from my brand new iPad, courtesy of Mr. DBud :) Thanks to my nifty little gift, I will be able to blog from anywhere AT&T has coverage! Very exciting :)

Christmas this year was awesome... And among all that awesomeness (Glinda from Wicked would be proud) was a gleam of hope and positivity. I will be getting my blood work results from my Dr. on Tuesday, and will begin to shed light on my situation. I am hopeful that this time next year I will be celebrating with a baby bump :)

Can't wait to share my results with you on Tuesday :) Until then!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

December 25, 2010

Ready, set, trigger!

First time I ever had to stick myself with a needle and I completed it successfully. Mr. PB wimped out and left me to my own devices when I had to take my Ovidrel shot mere minutes ago. To be honest it wasn't so bad, especially considering up until about 10 years ago I had a HUGE fear of needles of all kinds. I am now ready for IUI #1 tomorrow.

Let me jump back a few days. One Christmas Eve day, Mr. PB and I got up early to head to the ultrasound clinic to see how my follicles have responded to the 50 mg of clomid I took from CD3 to CD7. The ultrasound clinician who was working was incredibly nice and explained the whole process to Mr. PB (who had no clue what was going on) and me. Turns out I had two nice follicles ready, one in each ovary (18 mm and 20 mm). After getting some blood work taken, Mr. PB and I went home to stare at the phone until it rang with the results. The nurse called me by about 1 and let me know that I needed to trigger on Christmas night and come in for my IUIs on Sunday and Monday.

Since we live 40 minutes away from the clinic, we planned our course and times that we needed to leave. However, living in New England nothing can be that simple in December. My parents came over this morning for Christmas breakfast with news that the small snow storm we were supposed to get from Sunday into Monday has turned into a mini-blizzard (over a foot is expected). The great parents that I have fear we will not be able to make it to the clinic on time (7 AM) Monday and are paying for a hotel and dinner for us right near the clinic for Sunday night. Now not only do we have a chance for our Christmas wish to come true, we get a mini-vacation. This is just one of the many reasons I am thankful we have been open about our infertility.

Hopefully some Christmas magic will follow us for the next few days and give us IUI beginner's luck. As much as I love spending Christmas with my cousins and their children, I cannot wait until it is my child everyone is fussing over.

December 24, 2010

I'm calling BFN

Still getting stark white sticks. And every morning before my PIO shot I can feel AF knocking on my door. Contrary to what the inexperienced IVFers all say (aka the "puppies and rainbows" assurances), it's pretty much impossible for me to get a positive beta at this point. I'd have some hope if I had even half a pregnancy symptom, but I don't. I'm super tempted to just stop all my meds and enjoy the holidays. I'm super tempted to enjoy the holidays anyway (and by "enjoy," I mean "drink heavily").

I've also had some time to reflect on my bitter infertile's New Year's resolutions:
  • Switch RE's at my clinic
  • Get a second opinion at another clinic
  • Find out WTF is wrong with my lining
  • Take a few cycles off
  • Possibly kill more embies by putting them in my uterus
  • Turn 40
  • Suggest to Mr. GB that he start looking into adoption (I did all the IF work; it's his turn now)
The truth is we are running out of money. We won't be bankruptcy broke, but we won't have any savings left if we do another fresh cycle. And I refuse to put any more embies back until my lining gets above 8. These two things could severely limit our options to the point where adoption could be our only solution. It's not what I want, but what can you do? If your eggs are fvcked and your uterus is fvcked then there isn't much point in trying to have a baby.

Never in a million years did I think I'd be childless at 40. Most days I can deal with it, but I do have bouts of sadness. I was reminded once again of our childless status yesterday when I found out that our friends (who don't have kids--she's in law school) hosted their annual "cookie party" for all of their friends who have kids. So what that means is that 3 sets of our good friends got invited, but we did not. My best friend was among the invitees and we had lunch yesterday and she told me all about it. I told her it was too bad that my baby didn't have a skull, otherwise we wouldn't be childless and thus we'd qualify for attendance. This of course is my bitterness talking, and I'm sure my friend would have invited me if I'd asked. But then I'd be at a party with a bunch of OPKs (other peoples' kids) and that's no fun, either.

All this whining aside, I still love my life. I have a million things to be happy for and just one that makes me sad. That's pretty good in my book.

If you don't hear from me until after the holidays, you can safely assume that I've gotten my BFN and am too tipsy on champagne to post an update.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Golden Bud

Natural.... not: A Birth Story

To the readers of Bloomin’ Babies:

Thank you.

Thank you for standing by me. I was the first infertile to blog regularly here and the support I received from the readers and fellow bloggers was invaluable to my survival. You allowed me to be myself. To vent, to cry, to rejoice and to mourn. With you, I found out I was broken, there was hope, hope was lost, I could have faith, faith could fail me, it actually worked, I lost my twin baby, Smudge could flourish, Smudge was stubborn… and now, finally, Smudge is here.

And SHE is wonderful.

This will be my last post here at Bloomin’ Babies. If you’d care to follow my family’s continuing story, you are welcome to email me and I can send you an invite to our private blog.

But for now – this is how it all went down. The end of a saga, the beginning of a perfect lifetime.

I can’t believe this was 2 weeks ago. It feels like a lifetime ago. Things have been hectic and crazy since delivering our peanut. So, I’m sorry this was delayed at all.

This is Anna’s birth story. I call it “Natural, Not”.

My 40 week appointment was fairly uneventful. My OB wanted to discuss a 41 week induction, because she’d be going out of town, but we decided that we’d simply try every old wives tale in the book, and take our chances with whoever would be covering for her if I didn’t go before then. She was happy with my progress at the appointment anyway. I was at 2cm and 40% effaced.

I did acupuncture that afternoon, step 1 in our 2 step acu-induction process. My acupuncturist gave me a list of things to do to move things along. I decided to do ALL of them. So, for dinner, we planned on a big meal, with some basil, fresh garlic, etc. I cut out the red raspberry leaf tea and was going to go walk the mall, as had become regular activity for me, after dinner.

We went out for dinner to a local hamburger place, and as we were standing up after paying the bill (at 6:45pm), I felt a gush. I looked at Mr. DB and said “um, I have to go to the bathroom – I think my water just broke”. Upon going to the bathroom, there was no question. The rest of my mucous plug (which had been coming out slowly in pieces all week) was in the toilet. My water was clear (thankfully – buying me some time to stay home). I stuffed some toilet paper in my underwear and went back out to my husband. The manager was bussing our table, and I asked her if by any chance she had a maxi pad I could have to get me home, explaining that my water had just broken. We settled on some clean kitchen towels that they wouldn’t need back. And we went home. On the way, I called my doula and my OB to keep them in the loop.

My OB said that if things didn’t get started on their own, she wanted me in the hospital by 6am for a pit induction. Knowing how much I wanted that to happen, my doula recommended that I take some castor oil.

I did.

I won’t do that again.

For a good amount of time, I don’t know what was worse: the abdominal pain or the contractions – but it did get the contractions started, and once they started, they didn’t stop.

Contractions started around 11pm. They were dreadful immediately. (I didn’t know it at the time, but the baby had flipped posterior at some point during the day, and I was having god awful “back labor”.) Fairly quickly they were less than 2 minutes apart, but slowing down if I was lying on the sofa. We called the doula, and she came to the house. For the next few hours she got me through some tough labor. Eventually, we thought I was nearing transition, and the clock was nearing rush hour. With the hospital 40 minutes away, we decided to leave around 6am.

Once we got to the hospital, finding out I was only 4cm was a blow, but at least I was there and 80% effaced.

Things got worse though. Very quickly, the contractions became unbearable. At this point I had been awake for more than 24 hours. My coping mechanisms weren’t really helping; the shower was barely taking the edge off… I eventually asked for a dose of morphine. It did nothing. The contractions were on top of each other with no breaks at all in between. I was only 7-8cm, but 100%. The baby was still high.

At 10:30 I made the decision, and asked for the epidural. I realized that even if I made it to 10cm on my own, I wasn’t going to have enough energy to push. I was exhausted. I needed help.

Once I got the epidural, things were sort of a blur. I was able to get some sleep. By 2:30pm, I was 10cm, and by 3pm, I was ready to push. They turned down the epi, and I was able to push squatting, which was the most comfortable position for me. All together, I pushed for 4 hours. At one point, they did put me on pit, because my contractions were slowing down, and they were hoping to make them more organized and effective.

Right before 8pm, I was still pushing. They could see the top of the baby’s head. Then the decels started. I was completely unaware of them. But the next thing I knew I was on my left side with an oxygen mask on my face and my OB was telling me they had to take her NOW. Within 5 minutes, I was in the OR and at 8:16pm, despite a 21 hour labor and 26 hours ruptured… despite a complete placental abruption (explaining the decels), Anna Renee was born at 8:16pm measuring in at 18 in and 5 lbs 8 oz.

In the Recovery Room

Birth Announcement

Our road since Anna’s birth has been as rocky as the path she took to get here. She has bilateral hip dysplasia, with a dislocated right hip and subluxed left hip. She has to wear a pavlik harness for 6-12 weeks. She’s being seen at CHOP, which is the best place for her. Additionally, the day her daddy went back to work, she choked on some breast milk and is now on an apnea monitor for a month. Lastly, we had our neonatal follow up with the cardiologist. Anna does have a small ventricular septal defect, and we’ll be following up with her again in a month.

So, if you’ve made it this far, please continue to think of us and keep Anna in your thoughts and prayers.

This is Dandelion Bud, signing off.

December 23, 2010

Morning Sickness and Crying into my Cheerios

I have a theory.

I think morning sickness waits, and lulls you into a false sense of "Oh, I'm not going to be sick during my pregnancy! Huzzah!"

And then it hits you and you find yourself calling your husband at work and telling him that you're pretty sure the baby is starving to death because you can't eat anything and you're going to be the worst mother in history.

On the bright side, I just started the "morning sickness diet" given to me by my doctor, and so far, so good. It mostly involves eating saltines before you get out of bed and then immediately going to the kitchen and eating a bowl of oatmeal before your stomach realizes what's going on and rebels. It's working out pretty well.

Oh, quick story for you: Yesterday, I couldn't even enter the kitchen to get something to eat, because every time I would try, my stomach would veto the entire decision as soon as I walked past the sink. So I had to wake up my husband (who works evenings) and ask him to get me a bowl of cheerios. He did, and as soon as he handed it to me, I burst into tears. Big, sobby, hiccupy tears, for literally no reason. Poor Mr. CB just rubbed my back and looked befuddled.

In clinical news, I had my first consult last Friday. Nothing crazy to report. They mostly just drew blood and made sure I knew not to smoke crack or do Jager Bombs on New Years. They did, however, let me know that, because my LMP and my O date are so far apart, I get an ultrasound at my first real appointment so they can figure out how old the baby really is. It's not strictly "necessary", but any opportunity to see Baby CB should be taken advantage of, I think.

Despite all the craziness, I am so far beyond thrilled at this point. My pants have all stopped fitting, which tells me that Baby CB is growing just like he/she should, and all the pregnancy symptoms, as unpleasant as they may be, serve to remind me that I really am growing a little person. MY little person. It's mind boggling, but so wonderful.

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7 week ultrasound

We had our 7 week ultrasound at the RE today. Everything looked great!


The baby measured at 11.1, which is equal to 7w2d. So, this week we are a day ahead instead of a day behind.



The heartbeat was a nice and strong 165bpm.





I was also able to reduce my PIO to half of the previous doseage, so after I get today's b/w results I am hoping that I can go off of it completely.

December 22, 2010

Holiday and TTC craziness

Things have been nuts to a 3rd degree... Between Teaching, preparing the school Christmas Show, and gearing up for the Holidays, we have been up to our ears in "busy".

We are taking a small break from actively TTCing, because Mr. DBud got AFLAC through his company, which will begin the 1st of the year, and covers Maternity... So to be on the safe side, we are holding off a month or two so that we can be sure it all pans out well, and we can receive our benefits. On top of that, I had an appointment with my PCP who is now running blood tests and such and will be helping me with my PCOS. He asked that we hold off on TTCing the first month on the program because of the vitamins he is going to give me, or something, and thought it would be best... So for now, we are just holding off a bit, and practicing the BD ;)

The Holidays have been nuts... But I keep hoping that this time next year we will be expecting :) here's hoping!




The insanity continues - 5dp5dt

As usual, I woke up around 4am and had a hard time going back to sleep. Got out of bed around 7, tested with FMU, got another BFN. Usually by 8am, Mr. GB gives me my PIO shot, but this morning he slept in. What's weird is that all morning I had that gross feeling that AF is arriving. Not so much crampy as yucky. I thought maybe it's because my PIO shot was later than usual? Well who knows, but I took it as a positive sign because for my successful cycle, I had cramps at 7dp3dt (10dpo). Can you believe how delusional I am??

The yucky feeling eventually went away, and I didn't notice much cramping. All day long I hummed to myself to check my voice. High notes are still there. The only notable symptom is that I had no CM today that I could tell (and it's usually very obvious due to the turquoise estrogen pills). Tested again late afternoon, also got a BFN.

I'm at the point where I no longer trust my eyesight in analyzing HPTs, so I developed a method of adjusting photos (using photo editing software) to help me better see lines. This afternoon's stick was 100% BFN, no doubt about it.

I haven't completely given up--I suppose I could still get a BFP tomorrow or even Friday, but really, what are the chances? I'm bummed but not as crushed as I'd be if we didn't have 2 frosties left. Mr. GB is still optimistic (talk about delusional!).

That's it for now. If you need me, I'll be at the funny farm.

Golden Bud

Am I About to O?

I think today might be the day! You all know what I'm going to be doing tonight ;)

Judging by past temperatures (my past three charts have had a pretty sharp dip with a moderate temp increase on the day of O, with a sharp rise the next day), plus the symptoms I've been able to track, I may be on track for an earlier-than-usual O. Woohoo! [And if I put in high temps for the next 3 days, it gives me today as the day]. But I suppose all of this is just hypothetical until I actually see a temp rise. Too bad I have to be on a plane tomorrow at 7, which means my wake-up temp is going to be off. Also too bad that we're flying up to see my parents until Monday--so we'll be sleeping on a futon in the living room and I'll have a terrible time sleeping!



If you're traveling this week, stay safe. Sending all of you wishes for a BFP come January 1!
Love, Magnolia Bud

December 21, 2010

I am officially insane

4dp5dt=BFN

I haven't seen sticks this white in a long time. I've been lucky getting BFPs right away for my last two cycles (even if they are the kind you pull from the trash). And even after my losses, I still had plenty of BFPs waiting for my hcg to go down. It seemed I could never get a white stick when I wanted one. And now it's all I've got.

Yes, it's early. Very early. But for my last cycle, my chemical, I got a faint BFP on the evening of 9dpo.

My promising symptoms are now gone, other than the sore boobs that I had before the transfer (thanks PIO).

I'm not hopeful. Not crushed, just resigned.

Golden Bud

Why Must She Toy With Me?

I am terrible. I haven't posted in weeks. Life has been crazy which is no excuse.

First, to address the title of my post, I am really really mad at AF. She toys with my emotions and crushes my spirit, and I am fed up with her. DH and I have moved into the "not not trying" phase. He is in the final phases of hiring for a job, and while it hasn't been formalized yet, we are quite confident that it will be. I am actively applying, and am feeling optimistic about a couple of different opportunities. That said, we decided that while we are definitely not actively trying, we would be ok if it happened.

I know this might seem crazy to some people, and maybe it is, but we were talking the other week about how despite how worried we were when our employment situations changed, we have really really been ok. Financially we haven't had to make many sacrifices. We have no consumer debt. We haven't been late on any bills. We have savings. We have made things work. Has it been perfect? No. It has not been ideal. But we have worked hard, and we have made things work. Comparatively speaking (and I know comparing is a terrible idea), but I know several couples with children who were in a worse financial situation when they made the decision to start their family, and they are making it work just fine. I know we could do the same.

Anyways, sorry about the tangent, but the point is, that AF was 2 days late. No symptoms. And this little voice in my head was telling me that despite the fact that it was extremely unlikely, maybe, just maybe, I could be pg. I didn't let myself think it for more than a split second, because I didn't want to be disappointed. But the little voice in my head persisted. It was somewhat terrifying to think that this could be it, but tormenting to think that it most likely wasn't. And then late last night, AF showed up. I felt partial relief, but mostly just sadness. And I think the sadness strengthened the notion that this is what I am ready for. It's not just talk. It is every fiber of my being that wants a child, that wants to start our family. And I hope with everything in me that we won't have to wait much longer.

December 20, 2010

Signs

My 2WW is turning into an M. Night Shyamalamadingdong movie, I swear.

Yesterday was 2dp5dt. I think I might've felt faint cramps. I think my stomach might've been like .1% queasy after dinner. Coincidence? If I didn't have two embies in me, I probably wouldn't have noticed a thing.

But then I went to brush my teeth before bed and gagged when using my tongue scraper.

That never happens...

Oh wait, it used to happen all the time when I had my "for reals" pregnancy. I never had morning sickness, but my gag reflect was super sharp and I had to be careful when brushing my teeth.

I'd completely forgotten about that symptom until it happened last night.

Hmmm.

And then I woke up around 4am this morning and never did go back to sleep. In fact, I was wide awake. That hasn't happened since...

...since I was really pregnant.

And so this morning I POAS'd. And I swear I saw the faintest outline of a line. Maybe it was an evap. But I didn't see that shadow on my pee sticks from yesterday (yes, I peed on three sticks yesterday--so sue me!)

All these symptoms are strangely coincidental, no?

Swing away...

Golden Bud

Holiday Travels...

This will probably be my last post before Christmas. We leave Christmas Eve for Boston, and will be in New England until December 29. Then I am headed to Long Island (without Lil JB and Mr. JB) to see my grandmother. She is moving into the nursing facility on Thurs, so I am sure I will have time to blog once I am there.

Anyways, not too much to report here. We are waiting until after the holidays to submit our adoption app to the agency. We keep hoping that maybe, just maybe, a child in the foster care system will need a forever home and that it will be ours. AF is due in two days...and of course, I wait in anticipation for her arrival, even though I know she will come and once again my cycle will not result in a pregnancy. Sigh. Happy Holidays to all...On a positive note, here is lil JB's Santa photo. It makes me smile :-)


Til next time...

~June Bud

December 18, 2010

A good sign (I hope!)

For my chemical pregnancy, I was using the Countdown to Pregnancy site to track my symptoms. You can enter symptoms for each day past ovulation and see how your symptoms compare to those of other women on the same day. You can also track pregnancy test results. It was fun until I found out I was having a chemical, and then I was so bummed that I deleted that cycle. Now I kinda wish I hadn't.

The good news is that (A) having been pregnant twice this year and (B) having blogged about some of my symptoms, I know my symptoms pretty well, and lo-and-behold I think I experienced an early symptom last night--the chills. Happened last night about 1:00 am. We had gone to bed about midnight but I was having trouble falling asleep. I was in bed under a warm blanket and I was COLD! The shivers didn't last long (I think I fell asleep) but I now have some hope that my little embies are sticking around. At first I thought--wow, symptoms just 12 hours past transfer??--but then this morning I checked an earlier blog post and found that I'd written that  1dp5dt I'd had the chills. Given the fact that one of my little embies had fully hatched, perhaps it wasn't too soon for one of them to start to implant?

Or I could be completely hallucinating. My next symptoms should be losing my high notes when singing and some dull AF-type cramps. Oh yeah, and a positive HPT.

So while I wait for more symptoms, I thought I'd introduce you to my embies, Trouble and Scooter, named for their unwillingness to get into the catheter before the transfer. Trouble is first one, the fully hatched blastocyst. I wish I'd asked the embryologist what quality they are. I tried comparing them to the pictures on this site but can't really grade them myself.

Well, that's about it for now. I'm going to go relax and wait for some more symptoms!

December 17, 2010

Pregnant til proven otherwise (again)

I'm back from my frozen embryo transfer. All morning I waited for them to call and tell me none survived the thaw, but I was mostly in luck--they thawed 3 and transferred 2 really nice blasts. One had completely hatched, which I'd never seen before, another looked really good (so I'm told), and the third didn't make it. We still have 2 on ice in case this fails.

My second-favorite doctor, Dr. L., did the transfer. I think he's about my age, which is scary. The reason I assume so is because when he did one of my egg retrievals, he was playing 80s music in the surgical room (I remember Toto's "Africa" before being put under). Anyway, this was the third transfer he's done for me, and it was flawless. They embryologist had a little trouble getting the embryos corralled, but the catheter went right in and we were done. Then I had to wait 15 minutes with a painfully full bladder, and after that I came home.

So now we wait.

I'm going to take it easy this weekend and other than working Monday, I'm off for the next two weeks. I'm going to start peeing on a stick 4 days from now. My beta is 12/27. I hope to God this works.

Golden Bud

Ultrasound #2

We had our second ultrasound today at 6w2d. Today the RE was able to measure the fetal pole. It measured at 3.1, which he said was 6w1d. I'm not worried about a one day difference at this point. Here is the pic of our little baby:



We were also able to see the heartbeat! It is measuring at 113bmp. It was just amazing.



I haven't had any spotting or any issues whatsoever, so I am cautiously optomistic that things will continue to go well. We go back next Thursday, at 7w1d, for another u/s.


I have not had any morning sickness *yet* and I am hoping that continues. I have been feeling a little queasy at night but I haven't gotten sick, thankfully. Since starting the thyroid medication, I don't feel as tired either. I really don't even feel pregnant, except for all the bloat and my extreme hunger all the time. I'm not complaining at all though. I think I am just amazed that this is all still real.






December 15, 2010

CSN Stores Holiday Giveaway Winner!!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!! And what better way than to celebrate all of Bloomin' Babies' awesome readers with a holiday giveaway of $35 gift certificate to use at any of CSN Stores' over 200 online shops. Well, I'm about to make one very lucky someone's holiday just a little brighter!!

Without further adieu, the winner of the $35
CSN Stores gift certificate is...
 

Lucky #17
Liz, who said...

Congrats Liz!! Thanks so much for reading our stories & for following Bloomin' Babies!! I'm sending you an email & you will have 48 hours to contact me or I will have to select another winner. Enjoy your prize!!

We hope everyone enjoyed this great giveaway & hope to bring our readers regular reviews & giveaways more often...so if you didn't win this time, keep an eye out for our next giveaway! Thanks SO much again to all of our followers for showing your support for all of the Buds! Happy Holidays!

December 14, 2010

20 Questions? More like 200!

It seems like over the past few days for every one question I get answered, another six pop up. I have a feeling this is what the next few months will entail. AF officially came yesterday, which signified the start of our first IUI cycle. Both Mr. PB and I are incredibly excited that we can do something to help us get pregnant, but I am also incredibly nervous.

The minute AF arrived the questions started arriving. How do I get my Clomid prescription? What pharmacies carry it? What time of day should I take it? How will I react on it? After some confusion between myself and my RE's nurse about my clomid got cleared up, most of these questions were answered. However almost immediately a crop of new questions popped up. What happens if I forget to take it? What will happen on my ultrasound day? Since it will not be at my RE's office, will I get results right away? Will I have to wait until Monday for answers? When will I have to take my trigger shot? What happens if I need to come for another ultrasound, but I don't know since the ultrasound isn't with my RE? When will my IUI be scheduled?

I know I can call my RE's office and ask these questions, but I feel bad about calling all he time. I have called 3 different time since Monday and I still have yet to ask about Mr. PB's repeat S/A. I am sure I am not the only one, but I don't want to become annoying to them. I know I will need them for support throughout this problem. I hope these questions will be answered soon.

I love my CBEFM!

Today is CD7, and officially, I love my CBEFM (Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor).

It works by identifying your peak fertility days, as well as days where you have a "high" likelihood of being fertile. So it's like an advanced OPK, but measuring both LH and estrogen. The first cycle, you get to start peeing on test sticks at CD6, and continuing for either 10 or 20 days. (You pee on things in groupings of 10, apparently). Starting with the second cycle, your stick-peeing start date changes based on your previous cycle(s). Now, given the number of HPT's I used in September, you all know how much I love to pee on plastic sticks that could possibly show me lines. It's actually pretty ridiculous that such a cheap, small piece of plastic brings me such emotional ups and downs.

That said, I happily started peeing on test sticks yesterday. I was expecting a "low" reading yesterday since it was only CD6, and was happily surprised to see a "high" reading. Same today! I have heard that during your first cycle, it gives a month of "high" readings for many women as it learns your cycle. But still--I'll take "high" over "not even close," "don't even bother," or even just "low" any day. And maybe I'll get lucky and it will give me a "peak" or two. Just in case, Mr. Magnolia Bud and I have been DTD every other day, and will continue until CM shows I'm getting close to O--then we're going to attempt every day. Honestly, that might be a challenge--the only time we've ever done that is on our honeymoon.

If only a trip to Costa Rica was in the cards next week... ;)

Lots of love and baby dust to each of you!
-Magnolia Bud

December 13, 2010

Don't forget to enter the holiday giveaway!!!

The Bloomin' Babies CSN Stores Holiday Giveaway closes tomorrow night, so hurry & enter here!!!

Good Luck Everyone!!

5w Update

Technically, I'm 4w6d, but c'est la vie.

Not much progress this week, but a few things that have been my lifesavers:

Because it's trademarked, I'm not going to use the actual brand name of the first product, but I am going to play a little game of "Avoiding copyright infringement charades" so that you will know what I'm talking about. Ready?

Two words.

First word: The female heroine in the Twilight saga. Also the Italian word for beautiful. I think.

Second word: A group of people who play music. comes in Boy or Rock. Or Rubber.

Also, it looks like this:
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

While it is way too early for me to have anything resembling a baby bump, The fact that I am tiny mixed with early pregnancy bloating = few of my pants fit, and those that do are horribly uncomfortable and tight. So everything is now unbuttoned and I am blissful.

Next:

Go one letter up from "U" and one number up from "7", add "fruit juice" to the end, and you have the way I have been getting all my fruit and vegetable servings. Don't get me wrong, I'm eating my veggies, but I don't like most vegetables at the best of times, and certainly not when everything makes me feel violently ill. While I am eating healthy and getting the correct amount of calories every day, given the choice between something labeled "Mango Peach" and something labeled "Spinach Salad", I am taking the Mango Peach every time, thank you.

Rounding out this entry is the news that my parents have been told. My mother screamed and also cried, and my dad didn't say anything, just smiled at us, hugged us both and went back to watching the Jags beat the Raiders. We're telling Mr. CB's family the day after Christmas. This will be the ninth grandchild in that family. NINTH!

All in all, not a bad week. I'm still waiting for the subtle nausea I've been feeling to turn into full blown morning sickness, and while my moods are a bit unstable, I haven't gone full serial killer on anyone, much to Mr. CB's delight.

This is still a little unreal to me. Hopefully it will be a little more real when I go to my doctor next week.

Photobucket


December 12, 2010

IVF Calender: Check!

We finally have our IVF Calender from Dr. T and I can't believe our cycle is about to get underway! I will be on BCP's for the next 2 weeks and my wonderful clinic sends these pretty color coded calenders via email that look something like this:





The IVF calendar is a crucial part of the In Vitro process, as it provides the tracking and reminder capabilities necessary for the mother to stay on track during the process. If a scheduled step is missed, the entire process could be put at risk, hence the need to have a detailed and well thought out IVF calendar...


My meds have been ordered from Freedom Pharmacy and I have my baskets ready to organize them when they arrive. I will be doing the Long Lupron Protocol with Dr. T and I am nervous and excited at the same time since this is a new clinic.

Until Next Time,

Making Progress and Anxious!

So, I finally spoke with the social worker at the adoption agency we have decided to go with. Mr. JB is having a leeeeetle bit of trouble swallowing the pricetag, but with all we have been through and all of the doors that have been closed, we know we will make it happen somehow. we revamped our budget so we can put more money aside each month, and have a game plan.

Anyways, when I spoke with the SW, she asked me all sorts of questions so she could get an idea of exactly what we were looking for in our adoption. I got her some necessary first paperwork, and she emailed me the application. I have it ALL filled out and ready to go, I just have to make a stop at our safety deposit box to get a copy of our marriage license. Then we will write the first (of many) checks and send it in. I am starting to get a little anxious, but I am really excited! It feels good to finally have a plan.

On a side note, we had family pics done yesterday by a friend of mine who has a small side photography business. The last fam pic we have is from our wedding, and lil JB needed his 4 year pics done too. So sweet.

June Bud~

First Ultrasound



We had our first ultrasound at 5w2d. Baby Sassy Bud is measuring perfectly on schedule. We go back at 6w2d to check for the heartbeat.

This is the pic of our baby:


Pregnancy still does not feel real to me. The only real symptoms I have is a little cramping and being completely exhausted. The lack of energy is partly attributable to a pregnancy induced thyroid problem. It is improving since they put my on Synthroid. I have not had any morning sickness, YET. Hopefully that continues indefinitely!

We are looking forward to seeing the baby growing over the next few weeks. I am ready to let go of the cautious feeling a little and start enjoying things.

December 10, 2010

Dreaming...

Today is CD3, and emotionally, I'm starting to have closure. AF let me have an 11-day LP this cycle, which is TWO days longer than my longest to date. I wonder if having a miscarriage can mess with your body that much? I didn't take any vitamins or supplements last cycle, since I wanted my body to heal on its own. Anyway, that's not the point of today's post.

A girl on an online message board I frequent was musing about potential due dates today, and it got me thinking about when mine would be if I got pregnant again this cycle or next cycle. (Disclaimer: These dates all assume pre-pregnancy/miscarriage cycle lengths and patterns). I headed over to babycenter and checked it out.

If I were to get pregnant this cycle, I'd be due Sept. 16. If I got pregnant next cycle, I'd be due on October 9.

If you all remember, we started TTC right before Rosh HaShanah, the Jewish New Year (2010). We were extremely fortunate to get pregnant right away--in fact, I was pregnant at Yom Kippur, but just didn't know it yet. You all know what happened afterward, but I wonder if G-d's plan for us isn't finished yet. Rosh HaShanah 5772 is September 29-30, and Yom Kippur is October 7-8. So maybe I forgot to specify WHICH YEAR I was asking to have a baby in. G-d, if you're listening, I'll take the last available baby of 5771, or the first available in 5772. (Or any others, if that's the plan...but I'm just trying to be more specific for you).

Have a great Friday everyone!
Lots of Love & Baby Dust,
Magnolia Bud

December 9, 2010

SSDD: My lining still sucks

Went in for a follow-up ultrasound today. I'm on 4 estrogen patches and 2x/day estrogen supps and guess what, my lining hasn't budged. It's still around 6.5. Well technically we did manage to find an angle that measured 6.8, but this took a lot of probing and there were still plenty of angles that measured barely above 6. There is also a spot of fluid in my uterus again, though it's close to my cervix and they think it's mucus (my last estrogen count was in the 1600s and the mucus seems like a logical diagnosis). Whatever.

So the nurse called the doctor in to look and although you need glasses to even see my lining on an ultrasound, it does show a nice trilaminar (aka "triple stripe") pattern. The doctor was pleased enough that we got the green light to move ahead with my FET on 12/17. In the meantime, I'm going to start drinking POM juice again and maybe start taking baby aspirin (the doctor gave me the ok but I didn't have any so I haven't started yet).

Sigh.

All this goes to show that no matter how much money or time you spend, you may not end up with a baby. I am beyond encouraging words or "power penguin vibes" at this point. I wonder if the people who say "Keep trying" have any idea how much $$ we've spent (at last count it was something like $33k in insurance and another $30k or so out of pocket). For us, "keep trying" really equates to "keep spending money." Clearly throwing money at my uterus is getting me nowhere. We have 5 frosties and I am grateful that they don't cost much $$ to put back, just patience. I'm already starting to plan ahead for when those fail. We'll probably try a frozen egg bank next, though I'm afraid they might reject my shitty uterus. Maybe we'd get better results with donor sperm? Who knows. Maybe we should just get another puppy and get on with our lives.

And I'm still waiting for the much-hated-by-infertiles question "Why don't you just adopt?"

Well because that takes years and tens of thousands of dollars too, and I don't see the odds being any better than what we're trying now.

Maybe we need a gestational carrier. I can't even fathom what that would cost.

The puppy idea is sounding better and better.

I'll post an update after my transfer.

Golden Bud

December 8, 2010

40 weeks... Yep. Still Pregnant.


So, we had our appointment this morning. Here is a picture of me at the doctor's office at 40 weeks pregnant:

The Good:

Progress! Yay. Last week I was barely 1cm and Dr Loh still had to go in practically up to her elbow to check me. This week I'm 1-2cm and 40% effaced, and she barely had to go in to her wrist. So, cervix and baby are much much lower. She's very happy with my progress. Especially for a first timer. AFI is great. Baby has awesome movement. And like I thought, I have 2 little feet (we saw toes and all) kicking my liver. I keep telling the baby s/he can't get out that way. We'll see if it sinks in!

Oh - and at 40w - my total gain is 19 pounds!! I couldn't be any prouder of myself. I celebrated by coming home and having some dark chocolate hershey kisses and I'll be having pumpkin pie for dessert.

The Bad:

She brought up inducing at 41 weeks. I expected that to happen. The conversation, i mean. I was just hoping to avoid it if there was progress. Her deal: she's a single doctor practice, and I already knew that she doesn't guarantee her availability past 41 weeks. No problem. Based on my history and family history, we had no doubt that I'd deliver early. So much for that. But now it's an issue. I asked her if all signs point to healthy, if she would consider letting me go past 41 weeks. She said she would, but I should know there are 2 days that week she will not be in town, and her coverage would be delivering. I said that of course I'd want her to deliver, but not being induced is very important to me, and we might have to take that chance. At least it's out there now.

The Plan:

Non-Stress Test (NST) at the hospital saturday morning followed by NST and exam in the office on monday.

The Crunchy in me:

I've been thinking for awhile now that maybe the red raspberry leaf (RRL) tea was doing TOO good a job toning my uterus and it was holding the baby in. DH thought that was dumb. Well - i called my acu - who told me to stop the RRL for exactly that reason. So, i'm stopping the RRL as of today, and will start it again post partum for toning. I have a 4oz bottle of Castor Oil which will be my "i've tried everything else, so I have nothing to lose" backup plan (more on that later). I haven't done acu in 2 months for financial reasons, but called her on a whim earlier this afternoon, and went in to start my acu induction. I had a 45 minute session today, and I'll follow it up with another on monday if I haven't delivered yet.

My acu wants me to start drinking peppermint tea (already have it and brewing now), eating dark chocolate (no problem) and garlic (i married a sicilian).

We're going to continue our nightly mall walking and just keep our fingers crossed.

The Inconvenient:

Because I was forced to take FMLA to do IVF (my job sucks), and because i've been out on disability since 32 weeks, my FMLA actually runs out at 41 weeks exactly. So technically, my job can fire me as of a week from today if I don't deliver. On one hand I don't care - because i don't plan on going back there anyway. However, in NJ we have NJFLI, which gives me another 12 weeks of job protection, which I was planning on using to find a new job. I can't apply for that until the day I deliver.

So, right now, we're working on finding out the following:

I know I am entitled to my STD for the 6 or 8 weeks following delivery regardless of when work separates me. So, i'm covered for that period. We're trying to find out, that if my job separates me at 41 weeks exactly, if I can apply for unemployment once the STD runs out. If I can, then we don't have a problem. If I can't, then the last ditch castor oil option happens at 40w5d.

Meanwhile, the intermittent contractions continue and are clearly doing something. PLEASE wish me labor. Even Mr DB is begging baby to come out now... and he's been the one telling Smudge to take his or her time.

Acu - don't fail me now.

Babywatch 2010 continues.....

The Wait Continues...

On my last post I told you about how we had gotten the big rejection from the adoption agency we wanted to work with due to our religion. You had to be a born again Christian/Evangelical Faith to adopt through this particular agency...so, we quickly found ourselves back at square one. After much thinking, we decided to get back in touch with the agency we originally met with over the summer...Ironically, this is the agency we met with before we even knew we were infertile, and we were just trying to gather some information about other options we had in the event we WERE infertile. Love the agency, and love the social worker who would work with us. So, things (hopefully) are looking up. I have not heard back from her yet, other than for her to say that she got my email about our decision to work with them again, and she will be in touch with set up another meeting. Sounds good, except I am HORRIBLE at waiting for ANYTHING. So, I will TRY to be patient.

In the meantime, we are gearing up for the holidays in June Bud land. Lil JB is ECSTATIC about Christmas, and is trying (as hard as an almost 4 year old can try) to be on his best behavior so our Elf on the Shelf, Elfabit, won't report badly to Santa about him. LOL. In the midst of all of this, we are preparing to fly up to New England to visit family for the holidays. It will be our first WINTER visit in 5 years. So, we are bracing ourselves for the (miserable) cold. HAHA. It will be fun to see Lil JB's reaction to it, because he is a Florida boy.
On the not so happy note, my grandmother no longer can take care of herself, and she is moving into an assisted living facility (with as much nursing care as they will give her) next weekend. So, I am actually changing my ticket back from New England, and making a stop for a few days to see her in New York. Mr. JB and Lil JB will continue the trip to Florida without me, and will pick me up 3 days later. What is saddest about all of this is that my Gramp died last December. Granny has been holding her own for a year, but just can't do it anymore with how badly her Ameloydosis is getting. It will be so sad being at her house without her in it anymore. She and my Gramp moved into my house when I was 13. Now, at almost 30, it is heartwrenching to think of her anywhere else. We will make a trip back to the house while I am there to sort through everything. *sigh*. I will miss New Year's with my boys, but I will have an opportunity to go and see family I don't get to see very often, so it will be a good change. Keep her in your prayers for me, and I will keep you posted on the adoption side of things!

Oh, and here is a little Christmas Cheer, straight from the JB Household.

It's so hard to say goodbye...

Well, the time has come for me to finish up my story here on Bloomin' Babies. I cant believe how far Mr. Worry Bud & I have come since I started this blog back in August 2009 - from my very first post where I discussed what brought me to blogging about our journey. I think even at the beginning of our journey, I had an inkling that we would require assistance to get pregnant, but I never had a clue that would include a path through infertility & IVF. I thought for sure that our issue getting pregnant was related to my ridiculously short LP & then, after several failed & very short cycles, we went to see an RE for a consult; and of course, that very cycle my LP miraculously lengthened to an almost normal number of days. I thought for sure that with some help getting my LP lengthened, that we'd get pregnant. Then, we got some of the most devastating news of our young, married lives when we received Mr. WB's S/A results. And after lots of discussions between our RE, Mr. WB & I, we decided to go straight to IVF with ICSI. Naively, I'd always thought IVF was something that people I read about in magazines & saw on TV did. Never in a million years did I think Mr. WB & I would find out what the process was like first hand, but I guess that goes to show you that the story you dream up for your life doesn't always happen as you think it will.

Our IVF cycle (specifically the monitoring portion) happened to fall during one of the worst winters in my area in years, but we got through it & I was responding so well that we made it to my egg retrieval earlier than my RE originally expected. But, when I got my extremely disappointing fert report, I was really down about our chances of success. The support I got from this blog & on the message boards I frequented during that time meant so much to me & helped me to remain optimistic...and amazingly, we made it to a 5 day transfer of two beautiful embies!


I don't think I was ever so nervous as I was during that 2ww, but I made it pretty far without POAS until I started spotting at 8dp5dt & I almost broke down, but decided to POAS anyways & to my very pleasant surprise, I got a very strong BFP!!!!


And from that point, I POAS every day until I got my first, very strong beta of 519 - wooo! After a few subsequent strong betas, we had our early ultrasounds with my RE & got a chance to see our precious Baby WB developing normally:


Everything was going well with the pregnancy, so my RE eventually released me to the care of my OB. At my 12 week routine appointment, they could not find Baby WB's heartbeat, so I was sent for an emergency f/u ultrasound, where we learned everything with our beautiful LO was just fine (& as a bonus, we got an extra peak at the LO that we wouldn't have gotten otherwise). :)


Thankfully, my pregnancy was pretty uneventful from that point on & we just excitedly awaited the arrival of our precious baby. We found out in May that we were having a little girl & I began my baby buying obsession! From then on, I updated you guys on her progress every two weeks or so until I was 36 weeks & my water broke unexpectedly. And about 14 hours later, our precious little girl arrived (& I later shared her full birth story with all of you) - a little small, with high billirubin (causes jaundice) levels & she had trouble maintaining her body temperature at first, but overall pretty perfect if I do say so myself ::winks::!


And with that, we began the journey into finding out what parenthood is all about. And I must say, it is the both the hardest & best job I could have ever asked for. We are so in love with our precious little girl & despite all the bumps & bruises {literally} to get to where we are now, she was worth everything we went through. She is truly a blessing from God & our pride & joy!



And from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank all of the Bloomin' Babies readers & Buds who prayed for, thought of & cheered us on as we went through this amazing & scary journey to parenthood. Please continue to send thoughts & prayers for our new family's continued health, happiness & safety. I'll still be around as the administrator of the blog & of course, as a reader, but my time blogging as Worry Bud has now come to an end. If you'd like to follow Baby WB's progress & our journey as a family on my personal blog, please email me at worrybud{at}gmail{dot}com & I'll send you the link so you can follow me!

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I never thought we'd travel the path we did to have our first child, but I think it's truly a testament that sometimes things that are seemingly hopeless, are possible with faith, love & lots of support {medically & from friends & family}. I would like to send lots of prayers & thoughts to those of you still on the journey of IF, TTC & pregnancy...I think about each of you every day. And with that I must sign off as Worry Bud for the last time because Baby WB is starting to wake up from her nap! Happy Holidays & a Happy New Year to each of you!

'Tis the season for a giveaway!

Fa la la la la, la la la laaaa! Who doesn't love a good giveaway?! And since this is the most wonderful time of the year, what better time to bring one to one of Bloomin' Babies awesome readers? I don't know about you, but I always seem to find something new I need around the house {and now for Baby Worry Bud} - anything from new window treatments to TV stands for flat screens and from baby toys to cute decor for the nursery!

And do you know where I can find all of those things & more - CSN Stores, which has hundreds of online stores where you can find pretty much anything you need or want. Well, when CSN contacted me to see if I'd be interested in doing a giveaway with the, I jumped at the chance! This time we are giving away a $35 gift certificate to anything your little heart desires at CSN Stores! There are so many things you can find on CSN for $35 or less, so head on over & check 'em out!


 

*~*The Giveaway*~*

CSN Stores is giving one lucky Bloomin' Babies reader a $35 gift certificate, which can be used on anything on their site (includes shipping for a total purchase of up to $35). The selected winner must be a public follower of Bloomin' Babies. Please also ensure that I have a way to get in touch with you if you win - either leave your email address in one of your comment entries or have a link to your email in your Blogger profile. **NOTE: This giveaway is open to U.S. & Canada residents only.

INITIAL ENTRY (MANDATORY): Become a public follower of Bloomin' Babies, or if you already are one let me know you are!

ADDITIONAL ENTRIES: Please leave a comment for each one so that all your entries will be counted!

  • Grab the Bloomin' Babies button & display it on your blog
  • Visit CSN Stores & tell me what item you'd choose if you won!
  • Blog about this giveaway & leave a link to the blog post in the comments.
This giveaway will run for one week & will close at 11:59pm (EST) on Tuesday, December 14, 2010. I will select a winner using Random.org, then post the winner here on Bloomin' Babies & contact the winner letting them know they won - you will then have 48 hours to respond with the information I request or I will have to select another winner.


Good Luck!!!

December 7, 2010

Outed

Today marks, OFFICIALLY, the beginning of Week 4 of my pregnancy.

Huzzah!

At Mr. Cherry Bud's insistence, I have stopped peeing on everything in sight, which is unnerving and freeing all at the same time.

We haven't told my parents yet, but we bought them a little red bib at Target that says "Baby's First Christmas". I tried to find a picture, as it is super cute, but apparently Target keeps all it's Christmas bibs on online lockdown. So whatever.

This week has been an exercise in secret keeping, which is a herculean task if you are me. I have kept the news from my parents, who we will present with super cute bib on Sunday, but to date, I have told the following:

The Nesties on my local board - One of them was stalking my chart and knew already, which makes me feel important and loved. I am one of three on the board who is delivering in August. It's going to be a sweaty summer here in the south.

My librarians - I checked out "What to Expect when You Are Expecting" and was given the third degree. I do love them

My sister - We were decorating my mom's Christmas tree. My exact words were "Don't react. At all. I'm Pregnant.". She started crying and I said "Quit it! It's a secret!!"

A girl whose name I don't recall who sang at a Christmas party at which I was also singing - Because she doesn't know anyone I know and can't be a liability. So there.

Happily, no one has outed me on facebook, which would be disastrous.

a total champ/failure at secret keeping,
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December 6, 2010

Beta #2!

299!

The number is doubling perfectly.

We go back on Friday to get our first ultrasound at 5w2d. I don't think there will be much to see but I am still so excited. I am anxious to know how many we have growing in there. I will be totally ecstatic with one or two, of course!

December 3, 2010

Baby Makeup Bud is here!!


I'd like to introduce you to our December Miracle!


Born December 1, 2010 via C-Section

at 8:08am weighing in 7lb 6.6oz and 19" long!

He's the best thing I've ever experienced.



I'll have a birth story for you as soon as we're settled in at home :)

SSDD in the sucky lining department

Here we are on Day 15 of estrogen supplementation for my FET and my lining is at 6.5mm. It's a good thing we built an extra week into this cycle because I'm going to need it. On the plus side, I'm above the bare minimum of 6, and the nurse said their research indicates that donor recipients have equal success for linings of 6 or greater. On the sucky side, I was hoping for a lining miracle and I am not going to get one.

The transfer is still set for 12/17.

My due date is this weekend.

I'm happy for my newly (or very!) pregnant Buds, but at the same time it sucks to be me.

December 2, 2010

Why can't I stop?

Seriously, I POAS a little while ago. I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I have no business POAS. But the week and a half between appointments to see the heartbeat has me in a total panic today.

The line isn't getting any darker. Granted, it's darker than the control line. A lot. But I thought maybe by now, the control line would have disappeared entirely.

I'm a total freak, I know. But I'm still having a hard time accepting this as real. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have horrible dreams every night about something bad happening and I tp check every time I go to the bathroom.

I really want to relax and enjoy this pregnancy but I'm having such a hard time doing so.

I Never Test on Thursdays

But today I did. It felt like the right thing to do.

And there it was.

A second, oh-so-faint line.

I don't even have a picture for you, because I took it with Mr. CB's phone and he hasn't emailed it to me. I'll get one up soonish.

Faint, but it was there.

This was my conversation this morning with Mr. CB:

Me: Honey?

MrCB: ::groanmumbleugh:: (he was sleeping, poor guy)

Me: Come here.

MrCB: No.

Me: It's positive.

MrCB: I thought it was too early to test.

Me: Regardless, it's still positive.

And then there were hugs and kisses and me crying like a loon.

So there it is. A BFP. I am equal parts thrilled (I spent the morning sending up "thank you" prayers every five to ten minutes and bursting into tears between times), disbelieving (I checked the test at least twenty times this morning to make sure my eyes weren't just enjoying their own little joke) and terrified (intermixed with the thank you prayers were "please let this baby stick. and be healthy. and happy." prayers). Being among the TTC community for the past nine months has taught me nothing if not that a new baby life is fragile and oh-so-fleeting sometimes, and while the "M" word is in the back of my mind, I am refusing to allow it space in my conscious thoughts.

My EDD, according to FF, is August 16. August. Meaning, God willing, I will be holding Baby CB this time next year. And they will be almost four months old. I'm in shock, and I don't think it's really hit me yet.

Praying, praying, praying,
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First O After M/C, Check!

I haven't been posting as much as I'd like to recently, because it's been hard for me to talk about the in-between. You know, the time in-between when I miscarried, when I felt my worst (physically and emotionally), and now, when I feel sort of better but still have some terrible moments that strike unexpectedly.

Mr. Magnolia Bud and I spent Thanksgiving weekend with my family, and had a nice weekend. Not stress-free or relaxing, by any means, but at least we were able to spend a little fun time with people who are important to us. My family lives near Chicago, so it was a chilly weekend!

Today is the first day of Hanukkah, and Mr. MB and I are using it as a new beginning. We're trying to stay positive, and are both tentatively excited about TTC again next cycle. I'm more ambivalent than he is, but as this cycle progresses, I find myself thinking ahead instead of only about what happened. We decided that even if we're going to not-not try, I'm still going to be taking Vitex and Maca Root, so that if I do get pregnant, the corpus luteum will be at its strongest and will have the progesterone it needs to survive until my body takes over. We're also excited about Maca's reputation for increased energy & libido...I haven't really had the best sex drive since the miscarriage. Poor Mr. MB!

Speaking of this cycle, it looks like I've O'd! At 3DPO I had solid crosshairs, and they've since changed to dotted...but I have a feeling it's from CM inconsistencies. I've been taking a lot of antihistamines this cycle since I had hives about two weeks ago. All of the open circles are from taking my temp too early, given all the travel we've been doing for a few weeks. I'm hoping this means my cycle will get back to "normal" in a couple of days with AF's arrival...

 

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