Roller Coaster Ride

That is exactly what IF is. It is one long roller coaster ride that I just can't seem to get off of.
High - 20 follicles found on Saturday
Coming down - 15 eggs retrieved
Near the bottom - only 9 (60%) fertilized using ICSI.
Bottom - clinic schedules 3 dt since they have no confidence I will make it to 5 dt.

Well the last part is my feelings. My RE and I have planned on doing a 5dt, but clinic policy is that by day 2 6 embies need to be growing. I really feel as though if the lab had any belief that we could actually make it to 5dt, then they wouldn't schedule anything until the update tomorrow. I am already preparing myself for a fight. I WILL NOT go in for a 3dt. It didn't work the first time and I'm not taking the chances the second time. We are only transferring 2 embies and I really do not care if we have none to freeze. If this cycle doesn't work, then I am moving to a different clinic.

I just feel so beat down. Why can't this happen for us? Why is the doctor saying nothing is wrong when there is obviously sperm and/or egg issues? I will update you ladies tomorrow, right now I am going to cry in my gatorade.