They are in

On Wednesday we went in for the transfer in the morning. My acupuncturist arrived 45 mins before the transfer was scheduled and I did a 30 minute acupuncture treatment. Then we went in and saw the 15 embryos and talked with the embryologist about how they were looking. There was one embryo that was grade A and was starting to compact, one grade AB and a grade B that we put in. The rest were a mix of B's and C's but they were either unevenly grouped cells or fragmentation. The embryologist doesn't think that any will freeze but we should find out for sure tomorrow. So after picking our embryos and taking pictures of them I got ready for the transfer. It went smoothly and besides the nurse trying to get my uterus in focus in-between me laughing. I layed around for the obligatory 20 minutes until I could get up and finally empty my bladder. Having a full bladder is uncomfortable anyways but add on sore ovaries it makes it worse. Then I got to go back and lay down for another 30 minute acupuncture session. I fell asleep during the second session and jolted awake part way thru, I hate when that happens! Anyways, I was on bed-rest for two days and my wonderful friends came and visited so I wasn't bored and brought me mounds of food and treats. Today is day three and I can ease back into daily life and get back to some light exercise later in the week. I feel good, just a little hyper sensitive about every twinge that goes on with my body. Always looking for "signs" that those embryo's are doing something good, eventhough I do know that you can't feel anything. We get to test in 12 days so I am going out of town with my mom for a week and relaxing and eating some good food to take my mind off of the wait.

Update Hormone Bloodwork

August 1st I went in and had my hormone levels and thyroid rechecked. My Testosterone level was 100, Estridol was 60 and my Thyroid levels were in the normal range (don't remember at the moment). So I asked the nurse if these were levels that we could start another round of IVF or if we would need to wait longer. She spoke with the RE and he said the next month we would be able to start!! Jump forward to now..... We are on day 4 of our 4th IVF cycle. We are doing an Antagon stimming cycle so I am taking Repronex 3 vials each day for about 10 days. On Monday the 3rd I will go in and do my second blood draw to check hormone levels and an ultrasound to see how the eggs are growing. If things are going good we will wait and be seen a few days later to determine when I will need to take the Lupron shot (trigger shot) so we can do the retrieval. I think, if all goes on schedule, we will be doing the retrieval on Monday, September 10th. I am feeling great and am still doing weekly acupuncture appointments, taking the following herbs: Menotrol(in place of Metformin) and Blossoms 1 - 4(depending upon which week of my cycle I am on on). I feel at peace with this last round of IVF because I feel like we have tried everything that is out there and I know that we have given it our best shot and getting pregnant.

Acupuncture & Herbs

I have been going once a week to my acupuncture appointment and things seem to be going well. My cycle isn't any better but they say it can take several months so we will see. I talked with my acupuncturist about using an herbal replacement for Metformin and he told me about a mix of herbs called Menotrol. It is made specifically for women with PCOS, amenorrhea, irregular cycles and infertility. Where Metformin is just to treat the insulin resistance. So I talked to my RE and he didn't have a problem with me trying it out. So I am awaiting the arrival of Menetrol and then an herbal supplement called Blossom (Phase 1-4) that I will take each phase according to my cycle. Maybe we wills start seeing a bigger improvement with acupuncture with the addition of herbs.

Results are In

I called the RE's office and got my blood test results and my levels are all too high to do IVF in July. He is bumping my Thyroid up to get my levels back to 1 as well. I can retest in 2 months to see if they are low enough to try again. Estrodial: 70 Testosterone: 166 T3: 3.3 TSH: 3.43 Bummer but it does give me more time to be doing Acupuncture, get off sugar and get into shape. Maybe I will be more motivated than I have been to do these things but the past 6 months I have not been motivated to do anything healthy. I really think I have been in a pity party slump for awhile now but still trying to carry on with my daily life. I have been praying, as always, to get an answer about doing another round of IVF and what other things I should be doing to improve my chances. So maybe this is an answer in giving me more time to get my act together and be the healthiest I can be. I went to the acupuncturist today and we talked about herbs and how they may interact with Metformin and he didn't feel like it would be a good idea. I think I will still go and see the other acupuncturist that my MIL's waxing girl went to who sounds a lot more knowledgeable about diet and herbs than mine to have a diet/nutrition consultation.

Nothing New

Acupuncture is going well, I have talked with another girl that did acupuncture and got pregnant about her experiences seeing various acupuncturist. She had similar experiences in that they were all different and she ended up going with the one that was the most thorough. Her's unfortunately is about an hour away so I won't be going to her for acupuncture but I may go up for a nutrition and herbal recommendation. Last month I started doing the ovulation tests but I didn't start testing till day 12 in my cycle so I am not sure if I already had. This cycle I got a faint positive last night and so I am going to take another one tonight to see if it is a stronger positive. If so that is a good sign that the acupuncture is helping since I haven't ovulated on my own in a couple of years. We are still moving forward with IVF in July/August but have continued to look further into our other options if this round doesn't work. Mr. EB and I are off to Oahu today for the week and are looking forward to lots and lots of relaxation and sun!!!

Second Acupuncturist

Last week Mr. EB and I went off to the second Acupuncturist that is about 30 minutes away. I got his name from another RE's website and figured he may be more familiar with the IVF process in conjunction with Acupuncture. He is deaf in both ears to some degree and therefore has a very strong deaf accent which makes it hard to understand him at times. Mr. EB was frustrated that he was difficult to understand and that we are running into a similar problem with the previous Acupuncturist and not understanding them well. Unfortunately there just isn't a large selection of Acupuncturists in our area so we have slim pickings. When we arrived we got to fill out another "Symptoms" packet with a lot of questions about every aspect of your body and it functions, even bodily functions!! Nice huh?! Then he had us come back and looked over our packets and talked with each of us about what we had put down to get a better understanding of them. I explained our main goal was to work on getting both MR. EB and I balanced and healthy for our next IVF cycle and we would want to do Acupuncture in conjunction with IVF. He then took our various organ pulses and checked our tongues. I am more Yin or cold and Mr. EB is more Yang or hot. He joked we complete one another!! So funny!! So I went first and he felt along my meridian lines for tender areas and placed about 6 needles in my right ankle and lower leg. Then stuck one in my left shin area, that area always feels like energy is flowing down to my toes, kind of a weird sensation. He then put a couple in both hands and in my right arm. These all correlate with my spleen, kidney's and some other organ that all contribute to hormone's that affect your body's fertility. I then get to lay there carefully laying as to not smoosh the needles and take a little siesta under the heat lamp. He came in twice to wiggle my needles and to check how I was feeling. I did like that every time he came in he would ask if I had any questions for him. He may do that because I told him I was shopping around for Acupuncturists so he is being extra attentive. After about 45 minutes he came in and pulled the needles out and had me get up slowly and then talked about wanting to put Mr. EB on some Herbs. We had talked about maybe doing Herbs for me as well but he decided against it because of all the other stuff I am taking and not wanting it to conflict. After the first appointment I was more confused whom I should go with because neither Acupuncturist put the needles in the same place and the exam was different as well. I was hoping they would be similar and I could just pick which one I liked their personality the most. So I don't know if we will keep going to this guy or the one closer to us I am still in limbo.

Saturday's Appointment

We went today and there were two other people that arrived right after us, luckily we got to go first. So I still had this headache hanging on so I talked to the Acupuncturist and she put a needle in my head, my forehead and another one in my arm along with yesterdays needles. This time my arm needle didn't bother me at all but my lower abdomen one did still. After this appointment my left lower back was super achy all day and my headache did not go away even with two Advil. By Sunday, my back was feeling fine and my headache was completely gone. I have continue to be a bit crampy still so I am not sure what to make of these symptoms if anything. Monday we have our third appointment and Tuesday we have an appointment with another Acupuncturist to see if we like him better. I have no idea what an Acupuncture appointment is supposed to be like and what is normal so I figure I will go to a few and see if they do things different or explain things differently.

Needles, Needles and More Needles

Our first appointment with the first Acupuncturist was interesting to say the least. We walked into a little old home and it was made into a make-shift office. The couple work together but it is the wife that is the trained Acupuncturist and has been for over 40 years. She was trained in China and has a lot of recognition's from all over for healing people in comas, fertility issues and other health problems. She is quite old and has these gigantic glasses and she has half her teeth and neither of their English is amazing. We were sat down and told that it would be $60 for the consultation and $60 for the treatment. It came out to $240 for that day, yeah a bit of an ouch factor that is for sure!! We filled out all this paperwork on our problems, aches and pains on our bodies and what our goal for Acupuncture was. Then they took our blood pressure and mine is low at 108/26 I think? Don't quote me on that one and my pule was normal. Mr. Explorer Bud's blood pressure was high but his pulse was fine. They then looked at our tongues and eyes to determine what organs were out of wack or Chi. My liver, heart, spleen, kidney, and bladder were all off and she explained that when your organs are not working properly that the rest of your body cannot work properly and that is the cause of many different symptoms. Then her husband I guess figured we didn't get what she was saying and repeated it all to us. We then were sent over to the treatment room. The couple is pretty funny as they are like most old couples that constantly are telling each other what to do but in Chinese so it sounds like they are arguing the whole time. They put a needle in my right arm by my wrist, three needles down my abdomen, one in my calf and another in my ankle. Then they put a heat lamp over my abdomen and every 10 minutes would come in and wiggle my needles to make sure I felt them. The interesting part was the one in my arm was really sensitive and bugged me the whole time and the lower abdomen one also. The others I didn't really feel until he wiggled them. Mr. Explorer Bud go the same arrangement as I but he wasn't bothered by any of them and made a lovely video of him flexing the needle in his arm, such a man!! The Acupuncturist recommends that we come on a daily basis for 12 days so that we will see the results fastest and then do maintenance after, probably 1x week. We after the appointment I started getting a dull headache and my left side of my stomach started getting crampy. I am reaching the end of my BC pack and starting on Progesterone so I will start AF soon, maybe it is my body getting prepared to do its stuff. Mr. Explorer Bud feels like Acupuncture is more of a Placebo effect but who knows. I will keep you posted on symptoms and such.

First Acupuncture Consult

I have done some research of Acupuncturist in the area and of course the County I live there are few to choose from. There seems to be a couple Chiropractor's that do acupuncture but I may try them if I don't like the sole acupuncturists that I have contacted. I did speak to one lady but she is about 40 minutes away the majority of her practice is dealing with infertility but to drive up there after work in traffic wouldn't be the most relaxing thing or practical in my mind. Anyways, so today is my first appointment with a man here in the town of my IVF Dr. He has a super thick Asian accent so I am hoping we can understand one another better in person than over the phone. I have found a few online reviews of women that have gone to him for fertility issues but not in conjunction with IVF. There is another that is probably 20 minutes away that another fertility clinic recommends so I have an appointment with him next week. Hopefully, after talking with them I will have a better idea if Acupuncture is something I want to pursue or not.

To Acupuncture or Not & Hormone Update

So it has been a little more than two months since starting RHT and I am feeling good. My emotions have leveled off and my energy levels are up and I am sleeping well. All that is great news for me and I have started back to eating Paleo again to help my hormones stay at the levels they need to be at and keep my PCOS and Hypothyroid symptoms at bay thus increasing my chances of a successful IVF.

I am debating adding in Acupuncture because I am thinking that if it IVF doesn't work this next round I won't know if it was the acupuncture that wasn't helpful or the Hormones. If it does work I would have the same issue that I wouldn't know which was the helpful one. The other side of that logic is that if it doesn't work with Acupuncture and Hormones than neither were effective and I wouldn't do either again if we continued with IVF or if it does work who cares what the contributing factor was. My only thoughts about that is if it did work and then we wanted to do IVF again I would feel like I would need to do both again and if the Hormones and eating Paleo was what did it then I would save about $6,000. What are your ladies thoughts, experiences, etc??

Hormone Replacement Therapy

So with the New Year, we have a new plan. We are going to Hormone Therapy for the next 4-6 months, I am going to lose the extra weight, get in shape and try another IVF cycle at the end of our hormone treatment cycle. This is something I can do to try and improve our chances and something I have control over so pretty much it will keep me sane, for awhile! :)

I met with the RE today and talked about what Hormone Replacement Therapy ("HRT") could do for my "issues". The RE said that HRT has shown to improve egg quality, help increase insulin sensitivity and balance my hormones to treat my PCOS symptoms, increase my sensitivity to the fertility drugs in future IVF cycles and help me feel better overall. I did appreciate this statement from the RE "You deserve to feel good after all the stuff you have been through". Amen to that!! With treating the PCOS and Hypothyroid symptoms I should be losing this lovely extra 15-20 pounds I am carrying around, have more energy, clearer mind, sleeping better, better sex drive, stronger nails, less dry skin and better muscle tone (I used to have amazing muscle definition before all these problems started).
I had my blood drawn to test my thyroid levels, total and free testosterone, FSH, progesterone, estradiol, and prolactin. My veins are a nurses nightmare because they are by feel only and like to disappear and it seems my left arm is really the only one nurses can find. I had to drink 32 oz of water, eat some crackers and be stuck four times to get enough blood to run the tests. PURE JOY :)
We will wait and see what all my levels are looking like so the RE will know the dosage to give me of hormones. The procedure sounds pretty simple, the RE will make a small incision above my hip and place a pellet of natural testosterone and estrogen mixture that will sit and be absorbed over the next 4-6 months. Every day 14-28 of my cycle I will need to take natural progesterone to make sure my lining is shedding properly. The effects are supposed to be noticeable from 1-4 days of putting in the pellet. If they are not then they may need to add another pellet due to my hormone levels being depleted for so long that they need an extra boost.

After 4 months the RE will test my Testosterone levels to see if they are down to a normal level and if they are we can do another IVF cycle then or we will need to wait till about month 6 when the hormones have completely left my system.

I am going to also start talking with acupuncturists in my area that specialize in infertility to see what they recommend for someone with my problems doing IVF and what they charge.

I am getting tired of the emotional roller coaster and am ready to do all that is available out there. I am not sure how much more I can handle of failures, it is just so depressing and long and stressful and tiring and emotional and, and, and...

24 week update

I can't believe 2nd trimester has flown by so quickly. I'm 24 weeks this week (24 weeks, 3 days today).

Back at the beginning of this pregnancy (~21 weeks ago), I thought this point seemed *so* far away. The point where I'd be done with appointments every four weeks, and be going every two. The point where I was getting ready to take my GD test. The point where our furniture would be delivered, or where we'd decide on names. The point where I'd finally be showing so the world wouldn't think I had just eaten too much. The point that we're almost done with childbirth classes. You know, the I'm-a-crazy-planner-so-technically-all-the-pre-baby-necessities-are-taken-care-of point.

Yet here we are. Crazy!

We had our 24-week midwife visit this week, and I'm measuring right on track. Fundal height is 24cm, which is right where it should be. I'm up 19 pounds (oops), but the midwives think it's on track, even if I gain another pound every week until the end. Baby's heart rate seems to stay between 135 and 145 every time it's checked, and s/he is moving around like a kickboxer throughout the day. My next appointment at 28 weeks will include my GD test and the start of every-other-week appointments (until 36 weeks).

I'm feeling great. Very little swelling (even with 95+ degree days), no constipation, less heartburn than I've ever had in my adult life...really I have no complaints right now. Of course, you could probably guess that my sleep is interrupted with frequent pee breaks, but when I'm not up to pee, I'm sleeping. I started acupuncture again this week, and my acupuncturist wants to see me again in 8-12 weeks, depending on how I'm feeling. At that point, we'll come up with an induction plan for once I'm full-term. In the meantime, she prescribed massages every 3-4 weeks, and chiropractic appointments to make sure everything's aligned (and stays that way).

Baby's furniture is being delivered tomorrow morning. I can't wait! We already have the co-sleeper and crib, and tomorrow our glider and dresser arrive. We've narrowed down our names list to two girl options and one boy option. Since we both think we're having a boy, we made sure we LOVE our boy name. We love both of our girl names, so we're keeping all three close to our chests so we can recycle the names for the next baby.

I think that's it for now! I hope I'll get the nursery a little closer to being finished in time for my next post so you all can see pictures!

8w2d Update

Mr. Magnolia Bud and I have been keeping our eye on this date since we found out I was pregnant again. Last time I was pregnant, I miscarried at 8w2d. It was the rock bottom of my adult life to date. It was the single day that tested our marriage and our relationship more than anything else we've been through together. But it was also the day that showed us how much we rely on each other, and how strong our relationship is.

Today, we are thankful that I still feel pregnant. I'm still bloated, with sore breasts, low back pain, nausea when I'm not snacking, more food aversions than I can count, and the worst insomnia of my life. We'll always mourn the loss of our first baby, but are celebrating our growing second baby, and starting to think about what the future holds with an outside baby.

Otherwise, no appointments this week. Not much going on at all, actually. I had another acupuncture session last night, and my acupuncturist treated kidney and heart points, along with some sleep points. I also had my first prenatal massage last night. 90 minutes of pure bliss! I'm planning to go every 6-8 weeks, so my next will be around 16 weeks, I think. Can't wait!

Mr. Magnolia Bud deserves a shout out. He has been the best husband I could imagine during this pregnancy so far, and no matter how terrible I'm feeling, he's able to do something or say something that either makes me feel better, or just know he feels bad that I feel bad. What can I say, I love him!

Sending lots of baby dust to each of you...
Magnolia Bud

5 Weeks and Morning Sickness

Today baby moves from the size of a poppy seed to the size of an apple seed. Exciting stuff!

We had our first midwife appointment on Friday to confirm the pregnancy, and we both left feeling like this was "official." I PIAC (it was positive), and then had a consultation with one of the midwives where we talked about my history, our previous loss, my chart, and concerns/questions about early pregnancy. One thing that she and I both agree on is that we question fertility friend's crosshairs for my O date this cycle. So because of that and because of our loss, she agreed that I'm a good candidate for an early ultrasound (YAY!!!). The ultrasound unit at the hospital is supposed to be calling me Tuesday to set up an appointment for next week--sometime between 6 and 7 weeks. After our consult, she sent me off for bloodwork--betas and progesterone. At this point, we're not planning on a second beta if the first is within the right range and progesterone is normal. If either is low, then we'll do a 2nd/3rd round of numbers this week.

I'm still having cramps off and on, but they're much less constant. One thing that's pretty constant since yesterday morning has been nausea. I feel like utter crap! It makes me happy that my round of dry heaving a few nights ago wasn't just a one-time deal, since our fingers are crossed that ongoing sickness means baby is growing like he or she should. So far, I haven't actually thrown up, but I'm having strong food aversions and have a general feeling of queasiness almost all the time.

Yesterday we went to the grocery and stocked the fridge with things for me to eat this week since Mr. Magnolia Bud left today for a week out of town for work. I figured out when we were making the grocery list that my primary food aversion is to meat. We came home with tofu, tempeh, vegetarian sausage, black beans, and lots of veggies and grains. Keep in mind that although I cook vegetarian every once in a while, we still eat meat in some form most days. It's a little shocking to see our fridge free of meat! So this week, my sounds-good menu includes a black-bean, corn and soysage pasta sauce; butternut squash soup ("creamed" with tofu added), a black-bean and corn soup to eat with chips or crackers, and salads. Thankfully, I also thought to pick up some ginger root, saltine crackers, and Earth Mama-Angel Baby Morning Wellness Tea. I'm brewing some now, and hope it helps...the crackers sure don't!

I started my weekly acupuncture sessions on Thursday, and my next one is tomorrow. I'm really excited about getting to go every week for the next 7 weeks (or until m/s subsides)--I love my acupuncturist, and it makes me feel good to know I'm doing everything I can to keep myself healthy for this pregnancy.

Headed back to the couch now. Wondering when I'm going to feel too ill to watch the Top Chef marathon that's on...I hope never!

-Magnolia Bud

40 weeks... Yep. Still Pregnant.

So, we had our appointment this morning. Here is a picture of me at the doctor's office at 40 weeks pregnant:

The Good:

Progress! Yay. Last week I was barely 1cm and Dr Loh still had to go in practically up to her elbow to check me. This week I'm 1-2cm and 40% effaced, and she barely had to go in to her wrist. So, cervix and baby are much much lower. She's very happy with my progress. Especially for a first timer. AFI is great. Baby has awesome movement. And like I thought, I have 2 little feet (we saw toes and all) kicking my liver. I keep telling the baby s/he can't get out that way. We'll see if it sinks in!

Oh - and at 40w - my total gain is 19 pounds!! I couldn't be any prouder of myself. I celebrated by coming home and having some dark chocolate hershey kisses and I'll be having pumpkin pie for dessert.

The Bad:

She brought up inducing at 41 weeks. I expected that to happen. The conversation, i mean. I was just hoping to avoid it if there was progress. Her deal: she's a single doctor practice, and I already knew that she doesn't guarantee her availability past 41 weeks. No problem. Based on my history and family history, we had no doubt that I'd deliver early. So much for that. But now it's an issue. I asked her if all signs point to healthy, if she would consider letting me go past 41 weeks. She said she would, but I should know there are 2 days that week she will not be in town, and her coverage would be delivering. I said that of course I'd want her to deliver, but not being induced is very important to me, and we might have to take that chance. At least it's out there now.

The Plan:

Non-Stress Test (NST) at the hospital saturday morning followed by NST and exam in the office on monday.

The Crunchy in me:

I've been thinking for awhile now that maybe the red raspberry leaf (RRL) tea was doing TOO good a job toning my uterus and it was holding the baby in. DH thought that was dumb. Well - i called my acu - who told me to stop the RRL for exactly that reason. So, i'm stopping the RRL as of today, and will start it again post partum for toning. I have a 4oz bottle of Castor Oil which will be my "i've tried everything else, so I have nothing to lose" backup plan (more on that later). I haven't done acu in 2 months for financial reasons, but called her on a whim earlier this afternoon, and went in to start my acu induction. I had a 45 minute session today, and I'll follow it up with another on monday if I haven't delivered yet.

My acu wants me to start drinking peppermint tea (already have it and brewing now), eating dark chocolate (no problem) and garlic (i married a sicilian).

We're going to continue our nightly mall walking and just keep our fingers crossed.

The Inconvenient:

Because I was forced to take FMLA to do IVF (my job sucks), and because i've been out on disability since 32 weeks, my FMLA actually runs out at 41 weeks exactly. So technically, my job can fire me as of a week from today if I don't deliver. On one hand I don't care - because i don't plan on going back there anyway. However, in NJ we have NJFLI, which gives me another 12 weeks of job protection, which I was planning on using to find a new job. I can't apply for that until the day I deliver.

So, right now, we're working on finding out the following:

I know I am entitled to my STD for the 6 or 8 weeks following delivery regardless of when work separates me. So, i'm covered for that period. We're trying to find out, that if my job separates me at 41 weeks exactly, if I can apply for unemployment once the STD runs out. If I can, then we don't have a problem. If I can't, then the last ditch castor oil option happens at 40w5d.

Meanwhile, the intermittent contractions continue and are clearly doing something. PLEASE wish me labor. Even Mr DB is begging baby to come out now... and he's been the one telling Smudge to take his or her time.

Acu - don't fail me now.

Babywatch 2010 continues.....

Acupuncture & IVF

Zen (zĕn). noun. Complete and absolute peace.

Photography Credit

My new clinic, which I love by the way, has an on-site acupuncturist and he offers a free consultation to all patients under Dr. T's practice. I have done acupuncture twice in the past and I really love how relaxed I felt after those two appointments. Here is what my future acupuncturist believes are the benefits of acupuncture for IVF and infertility:

1) Acupuncture and Chinese medicinals help to improve ovarian function by increasing blood flow to that region of the body. This may allow for the development of better quality eggs and strong, healthy embryos.

2) Acupuncture increases blood flow to the uterus. Studies indicate that increased blood flow to the uterus can help to promote follicular development and encourage implantation of the embryo.

3) Acupuncture and Chinese medicinals can help support the ovaries to respond more efficiently to the hyper-stimulating drugs thereby allowing for the production of more follicles.

4) Acupuncture and Chinese medicine can regulate estrogen and progesterone levels which can augment the lining of the uterus for proper implantation.

5) Acupuncture strengthens the immune system. Since approximately half of chemical pregnancies miscarry, one of the treatment goals is to boost the patient’s immune system using acupuncture and herbs.

6) There are high levels of physical and emotional stress associated with trying to get pregnant. Acupuncture and herbs are very effective in reducing stress and alleviating the side-effects of the hyper-stimulating medications, which help the patient to be calm and relaxed.

7) Acupuncture treats the root cause of female infertility and many other gynecological conditions that contribute to infertility such as irregular menses, endometriosis, blocked fallopian tubes and PCOS.

Photography Credit

A recent study in the Journal of Fertility & Sterility in February 2002. In this study, 160 women underwent routine IVF. Half of them were randomized to have acupuncture both before and after the embryo transfer and half were not. The results were also blinded to those who had acupuncture and those who didn't. Randomization and blinding made this a very good and unbiased study. The acupuncture group had a pregnancy rate about 40% higher than the group that did not have acupuncture.

I will be calling tomorrow for my initial consult and I am excited to get the acupuncture ball rolling again in preparation for my fresh cycle in November...

"Everything's normal" ~ shouldn't that be a good thing?

After our IVF BFN, Mr. Chef Bud and I talked about our next steps. We can't afford to dive right back into IVF, and honestly I don't even think I would want to at this point. I feel like there is something wrong, and for a doctor to just label me unexplained and want to go right to IVF just doesn't seem like a smart decision. We decided to get a second opinion, and made an appointment with a a group affiliated with the local university.

Photo Credit

We had our first appointment last month and it was such a refreshing change from RE #1. Dr. M sat down with us for almost an hour and talked through all of my issues, our failed cycles and what he thought we should do to move forward. We set our plan for the next three months which included:

Month 1:

Antral follicle count ultrasound and day 3 bloodwork ~ to test for my "maternal age" and see if my eggs are on younger, on track or older than my actual age

Saline Sonogram ~ to check my uterus for abnormal growth such as fibroids or polyps

Month 2:

Endometrial biopsy ~ to see if my cycle is "in phase". This will be done during my luteal phase to see if my lining is doing what it is supposed to be doing during this time of my cycle.

Month 3:

Mock cycle ~ using estrogen and progesterone to see if we can get my lining where we want it and stop the spotting

So far I've completed the antral follicle count (17 follicles), bloodwork (all normal) and saline sonogram (no uterine abnormalities). I feel like I should be happy and consider this good news, but I just want something to be able to fix. I want the doctor to say, "Oh, lookie here...we'll just take care of this and you'll be good to go!" I am trying to look on the bright side and be thankful that everything looks good so far, but I have to keep reminding myself that being normal = good news.

While I wait for the next couple of months of diagnostic testing, I have been trying to improve my fertililty by improving my lifestyle. I got the book Making Babies after a friend recommended it to me, and I am doing my best to follow the program outlined for my fertility type. I have changed my diet to be (mostly) whole, unprocessed foods (eating organic when I can), I'm limiting alcohol to one day a week, taking supplements, focusing on relaxing and destressing and going to acupuncture once a week. I feel like these steps are good for my overall health so even if this isn't going to be the magic formula that gets us pregnant, I will still be healthier. It's been a hard transisition to change my eating habits, but I think I'm doing pretty good and getting better every week. At least I feel like I am doing something while we save for another round of IVF.

So for now we're just moving forward slowly, which is definitely hard for someone like me who likes to be moving full-speed ahead. I'm learning that I have to be patient and give these lifestyle changes some time to take affect in my body. I haven't spotted yet this month and I'm already on CD 18, so maybe this stuff is really working and I will have great news to report at the end of the month.

Let's try it all!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I started up work again last week, and Mr. PB and I have been going through a little rocky period. I just haven't been able to find the time or the energy to post.

Right now I am gearing up to O so Mr. PB and I are trying to do a little BDing. We started using Pre-Seed last night. I always told myself that this is something I don't need, so I won't get it. However, your opinions tend to change once cycle 9 starts up. I am ready and willing to try it all. Pre-seed is just one of the things that I am adding this month. The other is acupuncture.

If you asked me last year at this time if I would ever do acupuncture, I would have laughed. I have a slight fear of needles and could never imagine getting poked with one on purpose. However, after eight months of trying, doing some research, and talking with a friend who goes to acupuncture frequently. I decided to give a try. At first I was a little nervous about telling the doctor that I was there for fertility problems. Just saying aloud to someone who isn't my family makes it a little more real that we have been trying for over 8 months and still nothing. The doctor spent quite a bit of time explaining the thought behind fertility and acupuncture and repeated about eight times that "it will take at least a few cycles for results" and "there is no definitive cause and effect that acupuncture will cause pregnancy." After I reassured him that I know this, he put about 20 needles in my arms and legs and left me to relax. This was the part I was most afraid of. I do not relax often and sitting basically still doing nothing for 45 minutes was something I have never done. However, I focused on breathing and the soothing music, and I found that I actually really enjoyed it. I don't know if it will do anything, but just the fact that it makes me relax and focus on myself for 45 minutes is worth it.

With these two things in place, I am trying to continue my TTC journey with a more positive outlook, even though babies seem to be everywhere. I often think about the Michael Buble song "Haven't met you yet". Even though it is written about a romantic couple, it can easily be transferred to someone trying to conceive and thinking about her future baby. These few lines help me get through some of the tougher days. "You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet"
I have been working TTC and will continue until it happens, but I know that when I finally do get pregnant and then have my little baby in my arms, I will give everything and anything he/she needs to make him/her happy.

I guess overall I can say that I am in a fairly good place right now. Definitely a lot better than I was a little over a week ago. I just hope the positivity can last even if we have to go into another cycle.

So it begins again....

AF started to show her ugly head last night with just a little spotting. I totally broke apart. For some odd reason, I actually had hope that this cycle was the one. It would have been perfect timing in many different ways, but it is stupid to think about it now. I feel particularly bad for Mr. PB; I got into bed last and sobbed for a good half an hour. Now it wasn't just some tears; it was full on, little child someone stole my favorite stuffed animal and it stabbing it sobbing. I didn't even know I could still cry like that (I am slightly proud of myself). I have also become one of those cynical irrational women who hates all those who can bear children, even fictional characters (that sent me into another spell of hysterical crying).

With all that said, I guess it is onto cycle 9. I honestly never thought it would take this long. I guess I was idealistic and naive. Things like this happen to other people, not to me. However, no matter how I look at it. Here we are starting cycle 9 with no baby in sight. So what do we do now? I am going to begin acupuncture this cycle. I am not sure it will help, but it can't hurt. Since we have not been using bc for a year in October, I am planning on calling my OB to get some infertility testing. We really don't want to start trying treatments unless absolutely necessary.

I guess from here it is just more of the same. I am trying to stay positive, but it is getting harder each month. My hat goes off to you ladies who have been trying for much longer than we have. Any words of wisdom or advice you can give on surviving this are more than welcome. I don't know how much longer it will be until I just wave the white flag and go buy a new cat. We can be that crazy old cat couple. I am thinking maybe 15 or 20 will suffice.

7w1d.... another chance to see smudge....

...and, smudge looks good.

She's 7w1d today. Her heartbeat was 158. She measured 7.9mm, which is almost double last week (4mm), and is measuring at 6w5d. The RE says that's perfectly normal.

My RE said that much like when the baby is born, and gets measured against a growth percentile chart, there's a "growth chart" for in utero as well and the baby has to measure within a week of the actual dates. So we're right on track. He said her heartbeat is perfect.

All told... things look good. He tried to kick me out today - but I suckered one more u/s out of him next week. I told him that he can't tell me the miscarriage risk drops to 5% at 8 weeks and not see me at 8 weeks.

In other news, I also talked to my RE about how an RN would break into the field of IF (i'm miserable at my job, and have been job hunting for quite awhile. Mr. DB and I have been talking about this possibility for about 6 months). He said that he might be looking for a new nurse soon (i know one of his LPNs left suddenly, and they're not thrilled with her replacement) ... i'm not going to hold my breath... but at least I opened a door.

Other news from the u/s: no obvious cysts, so we'll chalk up the weird left sided cramping to growing pains for now. No changes in the fibroid and the second sac is still resolving.

Pregnancy symptoms: I'm still peeing every 5 minutes, which is REALLY cutting into sleeping, but that's okay. At least I know I'm pregnant, right? Occasional nausea, and some dizziness... but I think between the Vitamin B6 that I'm taking and the acu are keeping the worst of the morning sickness at bay.