Cramps and a Bad Attitude

My temps have plumetted over the past 2 days. Not surprised tho. I knew my lack of symptoms were telling me the truth. I'm not sure why I was even disappointed on Saturday when I tested and got a BFN again. I should be used to the disappointment but it still put me in a crappy mood on Sunday. I spent the entire day cleaning just to try and keep my mind off of it. Lately, I find myself trying to do things to put my mind somewhere else. I'm so consumed with frustration and obsessed during the 2WW it's ALL I can think about. Work is boring so all I do is google this crap all day. (Not literally crap for all you sick minded like myself who are entertained by it) I've started trying to read more which has really seemed to help. Watching too much t.v. doesnt do the trick b/c after the show is over I realize I'm right back in my shitty situation again. I've gotten into baking/decorating cupckaes and of course have tried to stay busy with my other hobbies. Keeping my mind occupied has def started to help.

I have been talking to Mr.BB for those who are wondering. I'm still exceptionally frustrated with him though. I tried to talk to him last night but all he does is shut down when I try to talk about something serious. However, he did tell me that he thinks something is wrong with him and that he has has "pain" on one side of his you know what for the past couple of years. He seems to think they are "twisted." Why he hasn't gone to the doctor about this is beyond me. This could be our answer and he chooses to not care. Then he makes jokes that he has cancer and that he would rather not know if he is going to die from it. This man kills me. So, now I will have to begin a 6 month battle with him to try and talk him into going to the doctor.

I feel as if there is no point in TTC until this thing with his "boys" can be worked out. Maybe I will see what its like to not obsess for a month or two. I'm dealing with the most stubborn man in the Midwest so God only knows how long it will take him to go have this checked out. I'm going on vacation to Florida at the end of May so maybe I will try to enjoy those days by drowning in Bud Light while smoking a pack of Camels on the beach each day. Heck, I might even try Parasailing. Eff trying to protect my little ute for the next couple of months. I'm so sick and tired of being sad. I think if I were to get happy again I would be stuck so far in this depression that I wouldnt even be able to be happy again.

With that being said, you may not be hearing from me as much as you have lately. Of course I will post ANY updates as soon as they come. But I think I need a break. It's going to be difficult trying to not temp each morning. Hopefully I will be able to give myself a break......it's become an addiction.

So long for now.....

-Buckeye Bud

10 DPO and I NEED A Punching Bag

My chart shows I'm still up there. I took a hpt yesterday like a dummy and of course I got a negative. I have had a lot of CCM the past few days. Mostly before noon each day. I might try and test tomorrow morning and if I get a negative I will just assume the worst. All times prior to this I have gotten positives by 11DPO. I know all are different so assuming isn't the smartest. AF is set to arrive on Monday which I really think is gonna happen no matter how hard I wish.

Another thing I wanna talk about but I am kind of hesistant. It's embarrassing and frustrating. Mr. BB is annoying the crap out of me. I am SO frustrated with him I just wanna smack him around and maybe knock some sense into him. Several months ago I told him that it would be a good option that if I wasnt KU by February that he should get tested. He agreed and said that I would need to be the one to deliver it back to their office if he could do it at home. I guess he is embarrassed by a little semen!

February rolls around and he said he wasnt gonna get tested until my PCOS meds actually got in my system. So he put it off another 2 months. Here it is 2 months later. Ive been asking him the past 2 weeks about getting tested and he keeps blowing me off. I called me RE's office and they told me that he has to get a scrip from his PCP and then just take it to my RE's lab next door. I relayed this info to him and he completely dismissed me. He refuses to call his doctor b/c he thinks they wont just write him a scrip without him coming in for an office visit. He just "assumes."

I come home last night and ask him if he called his doctor. This is what I get, "just drop it. I'm not talking about this now. If I was gonna do it, Im not gonna do it anytime soon."
I wanted to cry but I was too pissed!! I said back to him, "Do you have any idea how hopeless I am already and you saying no to this makes it 10x worse." I've reminded him of all the thousands of dollars I have spent already and how many times I've been stuck with needles, and poked where I dont wanna be poked. He didnt even seem to care and told me that I go to the doctors all the time. WTF does that mean? I told him I felt so alone with this issue and that I was the only one who really wanted this. He of course just said no and then continued watching stupid Pawn Stars on the tube.

I am livid. I ignored him the rest of the night and havn't talked to him today. I know it sounds immature but I am ready to proove my point. You dont help me, I dont help you. Feed yourself and do your own laundry. Buckeye Bud is about to make it nasty up in heah! I am tired of playing with this man. I've been dealing with this since 2010 and I'm so fed up with him and his pride. He's embarrassed to squirt it in the cup.....thats all it is. I cannot talk to or even try to rationalize with him right now. I might just have to bring out the tears if this approach doesn't work in a few days. Tears usually get his attention ;) He knows I mean business then.

Please tell me I'm not the only one with a man who has acted like this in regards to being tested! Any suggestions on how to get thru to him?!

-Buckeye Bud