Mr. Bossy & I have kept Lil' Bossy Bud a secret these past two weeks. Only family and close, close friends know. I can count on both hands how many people know that we're pregnant.
We decided this because of our miscarriage last November. It is the most awful thing having to tell people that there isn't going to be a baby. I NEVER want to do that again.
I've been taking it easy, and Mr. Bossy has been pampering me a lot. Thursday evening, I went to use the bathroom before we were suppose to head out for dinner with a friend. I always look at the toilet paper after I wipe. It's just a habit. This time, I saw a little bit of blood. I immediately started shaking and ran to the kitchen to tell Mr. Bossy. He barely got any words out before I was dialing my RE's office. I told the receptionist my name and explained the situation. Within minutes, my nurse was on the phone asking me what was wrong (the receptionist told her it was me). I was hysterical when I told her about the blood. She was amazingly calm and asked me a few questions.
Is there a lot of blood?
Are you cramping?
Did you lift anything heavy today?
All of my answers were no. She put me on hold while she spoke to my RE. After what felt like a million years, she came back and had booked me for an 8:00 am appointment the next morning.
I spent the rest of the evening in tears (needless to say- we did not go out to dinner) and prayed over and over again. I called my mom and she offered to come over (she lives 10 minutes away), but I told her there was nothing she could do. I spoke with my dad next, and he offered to take me to the doctor the next morning since Mr. Bossy couldn't take time off. The spotting disappeared for the rest of the night.
I had sent my alarm for 6:00 am, but I woke at 5:00 and couldn't fall back asleep due to nerves. I went ahead and got ready. My dad arrived, and we began the hour drive to the RE's office. He was chatty on the way, and I know he was trying to keep my mind off of things.
We got there right on time, and my nurse immediately called me back. She took me back to the room and left me to get undressed. I immediately put on my lucky socks!
My RE and my nurse both came into the room, and my RE asked me how I was doing. I replied with- scared!! She put the "magic" wand in and there it was- the gestational sac. She measured and zoomed in. In the top corner, she pointed out the fetus. And then she saw it- a flicker on the screen. The heartbeat. I was exactly 6 weeks, so she came into the room saying that we probably wouldn't see a heartbeat- but we sure did. I couldn't believe my eyes. She said that everything looked great and for me to spend the rest of the day with my feet up. 30% of women spot a little and my RE's office expect their IVF patients to bleed. I sure wish I had known this!
I reminded her that during my first pregnancy I had spotted, came in for a visit, saw the heartbeat, and during my return visit we discovered that the heart had stopped. Of course, I had tears in my eyes and my lip was trembling as I said this. I'm such a baby. She reassured me that there was nothing else we could do. I needed to stay positive. My chances of having another miscarriage were extremely low. I sure hope she is right.
Since then- the Lord and I have had many daily conversations, and I have been using "please" a lot. I'm sad to say that I don't think I'll be officially excited until we get a little further along. We love this baby and want to hold it in our arms more than anything. I hope we do.
Showing posts with label First Ultrasound. Show all posts
Showing posts with label First Ultrasound. Show all posts
May 13, 2012
February 23, 2012
I'm Finally Back.....
...............and knocked up.
To date, my most treasured picture. This is the little dude at 7 weeks 5 days with a strong heartbeat. One of my saddest days was saying goodbye to my RE's office, especially to Nurse K - who hugged me and cried with me when we found out I had miscarriage #4. Their last words to me were, "Make sure you send us a picture of your baby!", and my eyes instantly welled up with tears. It made it all seem so real - it was really happening - I was having a baby.
I was one of those lucky broads that was sick for about 16 weeks. Not the oh, I kind of feel like I have bad heartburn sick, but the holy bajesus, I need to go to the bathroom now and oops I just puked on my pants kind of sick. I kept a peppermint teabag at my desk so I could just smell it when some idiot cooked fish or burnt popcorn in the break room. Ginger ale and saltines were my new besties that I couldn't go an hour without.
Yep, after 4 miscarriages, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get my take home baby.
After my 4th miscarriage, I took a break from this blog and all things baby, for about a year. After coming home from vacation in July, I looked and Mr. SB and asked him if he wanted to give it the old college try again. If it didn't work this time, we would make our way to the Cleveland Clinic for IVF with genetic testing on the embryos - although deep down I know my heart couldn't take coming to that. Mr. SB agreed and I made a call to my RE that afternoon.
Our first cycle was in August. I upped my Clomid dose to 150 mgs (helllooo crazy!), and the cycle failed. My first only failed cycle with Clomid. Devil pills worked like a charm every time before. So, being the neurotic head case that I am, I convinced myself I couldn't even conceive anymore.
Next cycle was in September - 150 mgs again (poor Mr. SB).
10 DPO - nada
12 DPO - peed on stick, went in shower, washed hair, looked at stick, thought I saw 2 pink lines, thought my eyes were still "sleepy", jumped out of shower, woke up Mr. SB to confirm lines, lines confirmed by Mr. SB, phone call made to RE. Diagnosis? Pregnant.
The next few weeks was pretty much the hardest thing I have ever been through. Blood test after blood test to make sure the babe was growing. The first was the worst - especially since my beta was a mere 14. But 48 hours past, and it jumped to 110. Bingo.
And at 8 weeks I saw this, and was released from my RE:
To date, my most treasured picture. This is the little dude at 7 weeks 5 days with a strong heartbeat. One of my saddest days was saying goodbye to my RE's office, especially to Nurse K - who hugged me and cried with me when we found out I had miscarriage #4. Their last words to me were, "Make sure you send us a picture of your baby!", and my eyes instantly welled up with tears. It made it all seem so real - it was really happening - I was having a baby.
A few days after this picture was taken, morning sickness kicked in full force. Have you ever driven down a highway at about 65 mph, find yourself dry heaving and despite your best efforts can't find ANYTHING to puke into inside your car? And you find yourself praying to Baby Jesus that if he spares your freshly cleaned upholstery just this one time, you promise to never cuss, take a fake sick day or gossip (insert sin here) ever again? Well, that was a day in my life, and after that day, I never left home without my trusty puke bucket (pictured below):
I was one of those lucky broads that was sick for about 16 weeks. Not the oh, I kind of feel like I have bad heartburn sick, but the holy bajesus, I need to go to the bathroom now and oops I just puked on my pants kind of sick. I kept a peppermint teabag at my desk so I could just smell it when some idiot cooked fish or burnt popcorn in the break room. Ginger ale and saltines were my new besties that I couldn't go an hour without.I also ate orange sherbert - a lot.
But as bad as it was, morning sickness gave me a great sense of security. If the dude wasn't growing, I wouldn't be hurling - so in a way I sort of appreciated it (not that I'd want it back or anything, but you know).
So this was a basic recap of my first trimester. I'll post again soon to recap the second (didn't want to make it too long).
Congrats to all my buds that are now pregnant (Diva, I'm looking at you!), and for the ones that aren't don't give up hope. You will all have your take home babies soon as long as you keep the faith.
December 17, 2011
Nausea, cramping and irritability oh my!
Here is my FF chart thus far:
My temps are staying up which makes me feel better. And my progesterone increased by 4 points in a 48hour period from beginning the suppositories. So that makes me feel better. I did get my beta checked again yesterday (YAY for working in a building with a lab!) and it was 23,223...nearly double from the 12,109 two days prior. I needed something to give me hope to last through this weekend. I'm super nervous about the US on Monday...I haven't heard a heartbeat yet.
The first trimester symptoms are hitting me pretty hard this time around. Because of the progesterone suppositories? I've not had such strong symptoms with the first two pregnancies. I'm not sweating it though. You ladies know...we'll be nauseated, on bed rest with our feet up for the entire 9 months if we have to! =o) But I must say that the 18 hour-a-day nausea is not fun! And the fatigue. And the tender breasts. And the irritability (poor Mr. Curly!). And the gas/bloating. Not so upset about the decreased appetite. ;o)
Love and luck to you all! xoxo
October 13, 2011
6 Week Ultrasound
I had my ultrasound today! I honestly didn't expect anything to show up on the screen. Something did though, and we are expecting one baby! We even got to see the heartbeat. It is very exciting! I am going to try to stay positive and not worry too much. It is hard when the odds seem stacked against us at times. It is so exciting to actually see it though!
August 17, 2011
Things I Wish I'd Known
Several of these things are specific to being pregnant after a loss, but not all of them. These cover things through about Week 20 or so of the pregnancy. Maybe I'll do another one of these after delivery...
1) Getting pregnant after a loss is scary.
When I was TTC after my loss I had it in my head that getting pregnant again would magically make everything OK. It doesn't. Its scary to be pregnant again with a little one that you want so badly when you know so much about what can go wrong.
2) Spotting doesn't always mean miscarriage.
It can, in fact it did for me the first time around. This time though I spotted a lot (see chart) and he's still very much still around. I guess I'm pretty much a great example of the 50% chance they give you of a miscarriage when you're spotting. Spotting is terrifying though, especially when you've been down the road of it meaning the beginning of the end before.
3) Symptoms can come and go.
For a lot of ladies, the bulk of 1st Tri symptoms don't really start to kick in until around 6-7 weeks. For me, weeks 7-9 were the most worst. Its totally normal to feel nauseous or tired as anything one day and fine the next. The same has held true for my 2nd and 3rd Tri symptoms so far. Movement has come and gone. Swelling has come and gone.
4) Its common for 1st Tri symptoms to drop off around 10ish weeks.
My symptoms completely tanked around 9 weeks and were all but gone by 10 weeks. Turns out a ton of the ladies on Pregnant After A Loss (a board on The Bump) were experiencing the same thing. Pretty sure around that point is when the placenta takes over, making those annoying 1st Tri symptoms fade.
5) Not everyone gets morning sickness (or other 1st Tri symptoms) really bad and every pregnancy really is different.
I'd heard all these horror stories about morning sickness. None of them were true for me. To this day I've not puked when pregnant. I had nausea, sure, but only a handful of times was it to the point where I thought I might puke...and it was never in the morning. I was an evening nausea girl. I never had Super Smell with this pregnancy (did a little with the first one), just a sensitivity to a few odors. With my first pregnancy I was exhausted, this one just a few days here and there.
6) Make Mr. Metamucil your BFF.
Taking Metamucil (I'd recommend the clear and free kind that dissolves in just about anything) can really help you if you get backed up...something that is common in early pregnancy but that people don't often talk about. Other things like colace, fruit, drinking tons of water, etc can also help.
7) The days before ultrasounds are nervewrecking.
Having had my miscarriage confirmed via seeing my empty uterus on the big screen, I was terrified going in for ultrasounds early on. The worst, by far, was the one where I knew there should be a heartbeat but I had no tangible proof that the heart was in fact beating. I was scared beyond words walking into that appointment. Seeing that beautiful flicker was absolutely amazing, there just are no words. I've gotten better about ultrasounds now that I can feel him and he's passed his anatomy scan, but I still worry a little.
8) When you get news that your child might have something that will make his/her life more challenging...nothing else matters.
OK, I kind of knew that in theory going into pregnancy, but processing the news that our little one had a 1:10 chance for Down Syndrome (courtesy of the Quad Screening) was hands down the hardest moment thus far for this pregnancy. I just wanted our child to have the best chance at the best life possible...and hearing s/he might face extra challenges was hard. It did put things into perspective though and helped me realize that as disconnected as I'd felt from this pregnancy (emotionally protecting myself from another loss, I think) that I really did love the baby already.
9) The amnio wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
It was scary seeing the needle in the amniotic sac on the ultrasound screen, but the procedure itself didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. The worst part of the whole experience, by far, was waiting for the results. Given that I'll be of advanced maternal age for future pregnancies, thus increasing my risks for several things the amnio can check for, I'll likely get an amnio instead of the Quad Screening in future pregnancies. So many of the other tests they can do just give you odds of a problem or can't rule things out completely. With amnio they are checking the DNA and you get a definitive answer. Sometimes just knowing one way or the other what is going on is necessary...at least it was for me.
10) The first movements don't always feel like flutters.
For me it felt like a bug was crawling inside of me. Why everyone else gets butterflies and I got a giant beetle...I have no idea. I've heard other ladies describe the feeling they had as it being like a vibrating cell phone.
11) Its totally normal to only feel movement intermittently before the start of 3rd Tri.
Even if your little one has been predictable as anything with their movements, when they are still relatively tiny, sometimes they can get themselves into a position where you can't feel them. Sometimes their sleep/awake patterns can change as well. If you have any concerns, absolutely call your doctor or go into Labor & Delivery (I did)...just go in knowing that in most cases the baby is fine.
12) Registries: Baby Bargains, Lucie's List and a game plan
Walking into a Big Box baby store as a first time parent is overwhelming. I found doing some research beforehand really helped me calm down. I highly recommend the book Baby Bargains (2011), available on Amazon for about $11 (image credit: http://www.amazon.com/).
They literally go through and rate every product by pretty much every manufacturer and outline things like features, recalls, etc. The book will more than pay for itself. Seriously. Another thing I found helpful was http://www.lucieslist.com/. This website outlines the bare minimum of what you really need for baby. I don't agree with all the recommendations for big ticket items (a personal preference thing), but the listings of how many of this, that and the other thing you really need was helpful.
When it comes time to actually register, do what you can online. When you go to the store (there will likely be things you'll want to see in person), keep in mind that you don't have to do it all in one day. We did strollers and car seats one week, cribs and pack n'plays the next...you get the idea. You can always tweak it online at home. Oh and another important tip-If you get tired, that's a GREAT time to try out the gliders. Just sayin'.
1) Getting pregnant after a loss is scary.
When I was TTC after my loss I had it in my head that getting pregnant again would magically make everything OK. It doesn't. Its scary to be pregnant again with a little one that you want so badly when you know so much about what can go wrong.
2) Spotting doesn't always mean miscarriage.
It can, in fact it did for me the first time around. This time though I spotted a lot (see chart) and he's still very much still around. I guess I'm pretty much a great example of the 50% chance they give you of a miscarriage when you're spotting. Spotting is terrifying though, especially when you've been down the road of it meaning the beginning of the end before.
3) Symptoms can come and go.
For a lot of ladies, the bulk of 1st Tri symptoms don't really start to kick in until around 6-7 weeks. For me, weeks 7-9 were the most worst. Its totally normal to feel nauseous or tired as anything one day and fine the next. The same has held true for my 2nd and 3rd Tri symptoms so far. Movement has come and gone. Swelling has come and gone.
4) Its common for 1st Tri symptoms to drop off around 10ish weeks.
My symptoms completely tanked around 9 weeks and were all but gone by 10 weeks. Turns out a ton of the ladies on Pregnant After A Loss (a board on The Bump) were experiencing the same thing. Pretty sure around that point is when the placenta takes over, making those annoying 1st Tri symptoms fade.
5) Not everyone gets morning sickness (or other 1st Tri symptoms) really bad and every pregnancy really is different.
I'd heard all these horror stories about morning sickness. None of them were true for me. To this day I've not puked when pregnant. I had nausea, sure, but only a handful of times was it to the point where I thought I might puke...and it was never in the morning. I was an evening nausea girl. I never had Super Smell with this pregnancy (did a little with the first one), just a sensitivity to a few odors. With my first pregnancy I was exhausted, this one just a few days here and there.
6) Make Mr. Metamucil your BFF.
Taking Metamucil (I'd recommend the clear and free kind that dissolves in just about anything) can really help you if you get backed up...something that is common in early pregnancy but that people don't often talk about. Other things like colace, fruit, drinking tons of water, etc can also help.
7) The days before ultrasounds are nervewrecking.
Having had my miscarriage confirmed via seeing my empty uterus on the big screen, I was terrified going in for ultrasounds early on. The worst, by far, was the one where I knew there should be a heartbeat but I had no tangible proof that the heart was in fact beating. I was scared beyond words walking into that appointment. Seeing that beautiful flicker was absolutely amazing, there just are no words. I've gotten better about ultrasounds now that I can feel him and he's passed his anatomy scan, but I still worry a little.
8) When you get news that your child might have something that will make his/her life more challenging...nothing else matters.
OK, I kind of knew that in theory going into pregnancy, but processing the news that our little one had a 1:10 chance for Down Syndrome (courtesy of the Quad Screening) was hands down the hardest moment thus far for this pregnancy. I just wanted our child to have the best chance at the best life possible...and hearing s/he might face extra challenges was hard. It did put things into perspective though and helped me realize that as disconnected as I'd felt from this pregnancy (emotionally protecting myself from another loss, I think) that I really did love the baby already.
9) The amnio wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
It was scary seeing the needle in the amniotic sac on the ultrasound screen, but the procedure itself didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. The worst part of the whole experience, by far, was waiting for the results. Given that I'll be of advanced maternal age for future pregnancies, thus increasing my risks for several things the amnio can check for, I'll likely get an amnio instead of the Quad Screening in future pregnancies. So many of the other tests they can do just give you odds of a problem or can't rule things out completely. With amnio they are checking the DNA and you get a definitive answer. Sometimes just knowing one way or the other what is going on is necessary...at least it was for me.
10) The first movements don't always feel like flutters.
For me it felt like a bug was crawling inside of me. Why everyone else gets butterflies and I got a giant beetle...I have no idea. I've heard other ladies describe the feeling they had as it being like a vibrating cell phone.
11) Its totally normal to only feel movement intermittently before the start of 3rd Tri.
Even if your little one has been predictable as anything with their movements, when they are still relatively tiny, sometimes they can get themselves into a position where you can't feel them. Sometimes their sleep/awake patterns can change as well. If you have any concerns, absolutely call your doctor or go into Labor & Delivery (I did)...just go in knowing that in most cases the baby is fine.
12) Registries: Baby Bargains, Lucie's List and a game plan
Walking into a Big Box baby store as a first time parent is overwhelming. I found doing some research beforehand really helped me calm down. I highly recommend the book Baby Bargains (2011), available on Amazon for about $11 (image credit: http://www.amazon.com/).
They literally go through and rate every product by pretty much every manufacturer and outline things like features, recalls, etc. The book will more than pay for itself. Seriously. Another thing I found helpful was http://www.lucieslist.com/. This website outlines the bare minimum of what you really need for baby. I don't agree with all the recommendations for big ticket items (a personal preference thing), but the listings of how many of this, that and the other thing you really need was helpful.
When it comes time to actually register, do what you can online. When you go to the store (there will likely be things you'll want to see in person), keep in mind that you don't have to do it all in one day. We did strollers and car seats one week, cribs and pack n'plays the next...you get the idea. You can always tweak it online at home. Oh and another important tip-If you get tired, that's a GREAT time to try out the gliders. Just sayin'.
April 11, 2011
So Sorry for being MIA!!!!
First I would like to say how sorry I am for being so MIA for the last few weeks! Between our Disneyland vacation and moving into our new home I have not had Internet for awhile but good news I am back with tons of great updates!
Where to begin? We decided to break the news to my mother the day before we left on our vacation. Since we were driving to Disneyland (9hour drive) and I was already beginning to run to the bathroom a little more often then I usually do we figured it would make more sense. The night before we left we gave my mom a little present. We told her it was just a thank you for the trip. We found the perfect card for here, it read: Front: It was never a matter of if, it was always a matter of when inside: Congratulations. We then wrote in big capital letters GRANDMA! As she read the card she looked confused as soon as she read the grandma part she looked at me and asked if I was serious. I smiled and nodded and she instantly burst into tears! She was hugging me and Mr. DB before she even opened the present of a onesie with the words grandma loves me on the front. It truly was the perfect moment!
Our Disneyland trip was the perfect celebration for us all. Although it was a little disappointing not being able to go on any of the fun big kid rides. No Space Mountain, No Thunder Mountain, No Matterhorn, No Indiana Jones. But I still had a great time. I couldn't help but rub my belly thinking of what it will be like to bring our little baby Determined Bud back.
Once we returned we had our first appointment with my fertility specialist. I was so excited to see our little one! He/She looked perfect, based on the size they said I was 6w5d that was on 4/4, so I am 7w5d today! Due Date November 23rd, 2011. Words cannot describe how I felt seeing baby DB!
As for my symptoms I am definitely feeling bloated, I get nauseous here and there, I am tired ALL the time, my breast have grown 2 cups sizes and hurt all the time, and of course I feel like I have to use the restroom every few minutes. But so far I am kinda loving it, its truly solidifying that I am growing tiny human inside of me. Which is truly amazing in every way.
Tomorrow is my first prenatal appointment with my OBGYN. So fingers crossed everything is still great! I can't wait to see my little one again!
Where to begin? We decided to break the news to my mother the day before we left on our vacation. Since we were driving to Disneyland (9hour drive) and I was already beginning to run to the bathroom a little more often then I usually do we figured it would make more sense. The night before we left we gave my mom a little present. We told her it was just a thank you for the trip. We found the perfect card for here, it read: Front: It was never a matter of if, it was always a matter of when inside: Congratulations. We then wrote in big capital letters GRANDMA! As she read the card she looked confused as soon as she read the grandma part she looked at me and asked if I was serious. I smiled and nodded and she instantly burst into tears! She was hugging me and Mr. DB before she even opened the present of a onesie with the words grandma loves me on the front. It truly was the perfect moment!
Our Disneyland trip was the perfect celebration for us all. Although it was a little disappointing not being able to go on any of the fun big kid rides. No Space Mountain, No Thunder Mountain, No Matterhorn, No Indiana Jones. But I still had a great time. I couldn't help but rub my belly thinking of what it will be like to bring our little baby Determined Bud back.
Once we returned we had our first appointment with my fertility specialist. I was so excited to see our little one! He/She looked perfect, based on the size they said I was 6w5d that was on 4/4, so I am 7w5d today! Due Date November 23rd, 2011. Words cannot describe how I felt seeing baby DB!
As for my symptoms I am definitely feeling bloated, I get nauseous here and there, I am tired ALL the time, my breast have grown 2 cups sizes and hurt all the time, and of course I feel like I have to use the restroom every few minutes. But so far I am kinda loving it, its truly solidifying that I am growing tiny human inside of me. Which is truly amazing in every way.
Tomorrow is my first prenatal appointment with my OBGYN. So fingers crossed everything is still great! I can't wait to see my little one again!
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