Pretty Chart =/= Pregnancy

I wish it did. Because I would be KTFU! Last cycle I had a beautiful chart and I was sure it would end with a + HPT. Ha. Boy, I was wrong. When AF showed up at 14 DPO it hit me hard. Not only was it my first cycle after my Chemical Pregnancy (and there is a school of thought that you are more fertile after a miscarriage) but my chart totally lured me into thinking there was a baby in my uterus when in fact, it was empty :(

Minus the 14 DPO temp dive, isn't pretty? Well it meant nothing! My body played a cruel joke on me!

This cycle I am doing my best not to buy into the same baloney of a "pretty chart is a sure sign of pregnancy" because again my chart is looking promising.

Look at those high temps! They are well over the cover line!

Like I said in my last post, I did test today at 9 DPO. Of course it was a BFN :( I am embarrassed to make the confession that I actually started testing 7 DPO. And I tested again yesterday morning at 8 DPO. I know, I am an idiot. Something comes over me in the mornings and I become delusional. Some how I can convince myself that it IS a good idea to test, even if I am only 7 DPO. Are you rolling your eyes?! Haha. I have read on the internet about TTC'ers who get a + HPT 7 DPO and then I can't control the urge to test.

And I will make one more confession......I started using OPKs 5 DPO. My reasoning? Well, I wanted to do an experiment to see if the OPKs will fade into a + (BTW, there is no fading, just stark white OPKs). It still doesn't justify my delusional train of thought, but hey it didn't cost me much money to support my POAS habit. Thank goodness for internet cheapies. Or I would be crazy AND broke. Besides, if I am KU I don't want all of my HPTs and OPKs to go to waste........another weak excuse.

Is anybody else out there a POASaholic? Anyone? Or am I in a league of my own?

PB&J Bud :)

I am officially insane

4dp5dt=BFN

I haven't seen sticks this white in a long time. I've been lucky getting BFPs right away for my last two cycles (even if they are the kind you pull from the trash). And even after my losses, I still had plenty of BFPs waiting for my hcg to go down. It seemed I could never get a white stick when I wanted one. And now it's all I've got.

Yes, it's early. Very early. But for my last cycle, my chemical, I got a faint BFP on the evening of 9dpo.

My promising symptoms are now gone, other than the sore boobs that I had before the transfer (thanks PIO).

I'm not hopeful. Not crushed, just resigned.

Golden Bud

I Never Test on Thursdays

But today I did. It felt like the right thing to do.

And there it was.

A second, oh-so-faint line.

I don't even have a picture for you, because I took it with Mr. CB's phone and he hasn't emailed it to me. I'll get one up soonish.

Faint, but it was there.

This was my conversation this morning with Mr. CB:

Me: Honey?

MrCB: ::groanmumbleugh:: (he was sleeping, poor guy)

Me: Come here.

MrCB: No.

Me: It's positive.

MrCB: I thought it was too early to test.

Me: Regardless, it's still positive.

And then there were hugs and kisses and me crying like a loon.

So there it is. A BFP. I am equal parts thrilled (I spent the morning sending up "thank you" prayers every five to ten minutes and bursting into tears between times), disbelieving (I checked the test at least twenty times this morning to make sure my eyes weren't just enjoying their own little joke) and terrified (intermixed with the thank you prayers were "please let this baby stick. and be healthy. and happy." prayers). Being among the TTC community for the past nine months has taught me nothing if not that a new baby life is fragile and oh-so-fleeting sometimes, and while the "M" word is in the back of my mind, I am refusing to allow it space in my conscious thoughts.

My EDD, according to FF, is August 16. August. Meaning, God willing, I will be holding Baby CB this time next year. And they will be almost four months old. I'm in shock, and I don't think it's really hit me yet.

Praying, praying, praying,