Monday Hurry Up and Get here!

Oh, my gosh I am so bad... but I got the results from the test and it was a BFN. I always say don't get your hopes up this time and whatever you do don't cry. But hope is something I have yet to loose and not sure if I'd want to.

However, I have to go back in on Monday to have it redone. One because they said they don't like to do blood tests till day 35 and it was before that and two the count sometimes doesn't go up as fast if you have PCOS. So that just puts the icing on the cake... ugh. Now I have to wait again and wonder if I am going to have to hear BFN again. This was a tad bit harder than I thought it would be.

I still haven't gotten my next cycle and I am just not trying to think about it cause it's getting to me... the wondering that is. Cause the whole thing is if I still ain't by then I may have to undergo other testing to find out why my eye color is changing and why I am getting random freckles and brown spots on me... very strange.

photo credit

I don't know what to do and honestly can't wait till this coming Monday so I can just find out what to do next. My fear now is that I ain't, which is okay in the end cause I'll just keep on trying. The scary part for me is what is going on and what tests will I have to do to find out... eek.

So here's to a few more days of waiting to find out where to go from here.

Pretty Chart =/= Pregnancy

I wish it did. Because I would be KTFU! Last cycle I had a beautiful chart and I was sure it would end with a + HPT. Ha. Boy, I was wrong. When AF showed up at 14 DPO it hit me hard. Not only was it my first cycle after my Chemical Pregnancy (and there is a school of thought that you are more fertile after a miscarriage) but my chart totally lured me into thinking there was a baby in my uterus when in fact, it was empty :(

Minus the 14 DPO temp dive, isn't pretty? Well it meant nothing! My body played a cruel joke on me!

This cycle I am doing my best not to buy into the same baloney of a "pretty chart is a sure sign of pregnancy" because again my chart is looking promising.

Look at those high temps! They are well over the cover line!

Like I said in my last post, I did test today at 9 DPO. Of course it was a BFN :( I am embarrassed to make the confession that I actually started testing 7 DPO. And I tested again yesterday morning at 8 DPO. I know, I am an idiot. Something comes over me in the mornings and I become delusional. Some how I can convince myself that it IS a good idea to test, even if I am only 7 DPO. Are you rolling your eyes?! Haha. I have read on the internet about TTC'ers who get a + HPT 7 DPO and then I can't control the urge to test.

And I will make one more confession......I started using OPKs 5 DPO. My reasoning? Well, I wanted to do an experiment to see if the OPKs will fade into a + (BTW, there is no fading, just stark white OPKs). It still doesn't justify my delusional train of thought, but hey it didn't cost me much money to support my POAS habit. Thank goodness for internet cheapies. Or I would be crazy AND broke. Besides, if I am KU I don't want all of my HPTs and OPKs to go to waste........another weak excuse.

Is anybody else out there a POASaholic? Anyone? Or am I in a league of my own?

PB&J Bud :)

I Never Test on Thursdays

But today I did. It felt like the right thing to do.

And there it was.

A second, oh-so-faint line.

I don't even have a picture for you, because I took it with Mr. CB's phone and he hasn't emailed it to me. I'll get one up soonish.

Faint, but it was there.

This was my conversation this morning with Mr. CB:

Me: Honey?

MrCB: ::groanmumbleugh:: (he was sleeping, poor guy)

Me: Come here.

MrCB: No.

Me: It's positive.

MrCB: I thought it was too early to test.

Me: Regardless, it's still positive.

And then there were hugs and kisses and me crying like a loon.

So there it is. A BFP. I am equal parts thrilled (I spent the morning sending up "thank you" prayers every five to ten minutes and bursting into tears between times), disbelieving (I checked the test at least twenty times this morning to make sure my eyes weren't just enjoying their own little joke) and terrified (intermixed with the thank you prayers were "please let this baby stick. and be healthy. and happy." prayers). Being among the TTC community for the past nine months has taught me nothing if not that a new baby life is fragile and oh-so-fleeting sometimes, and while the "M" word is in the back of my mind, I am refusing to allow it space in my conscious thoughts.

My EDD, according to FF, is August 16. August. Meaning, God willing, I will be holding Baby CB this time next year. And they will be almost four months old. I'm in shock, and I don't think it's really hit me yet.

Praying, praying, praying,

2ww Update

Today's post will be pretty short and sweet.

Today is 7 DPO, and while my temp did go down today, and I did have some PMS-like cramps this morning, it is still above the coverline and I am staying optimistic.

Because I have a box full of internet cheapies at home, I will be testing Sunday (9 DPO), though I expect to see a BFN. If it is, I'll wait until next Saturday (15 DPO) and test again if AF hasn't shown up by then.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

Testing at 8DPO=BFN!

So, I'm in a much better place emotionally today, and am about to head out for a run before work.

Before I got dressed, though, I tested! First test of my life, and it wasn't that exciting--I almost didn't take it, because my head was shouting "Magnolia Bud, it's only 8DPO--don't do it!" I knew the possibilities of a positive test were so slim...but I had 25 spankin' new test strips sitting under our sink. After the required 5 minutes, there wasn't even a hint of a second line.

Tomorrow is Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year. The 24-hour fast starts tonight, so I won't be testing again until Sunday morning (at a more respectable 10DPO, if my temps are still high). To our readers who are fasting, have an easy fast.

Talk to you all once I've eaten again!

Lots of love,

Magnolia Bud

So ashamed of mysef.

I ordered a bunch of internet cheapie tests on amazon.com Saturday. I wasted a lot of money last month testing and didn't want to again this month. Well, they came in the mail today!

So I did what any normal (read: Not) person who has been TTC for a long time would do.

I POAS!!!

At 7dpo.

In the evening.

*hands head in shame*

It was BFN, of course. I wasn't upset at all. I completely knew it would be. I just couldn't help the compulsion of ripping open a new package of 25 pregnancy tests and not pee on one of them! I mean, come on, go look at that chart! It's a beauty so far!

Had my 7dpo blood draw today though. As of 4:30pm, the RE's office still didn't have the results. Here's hoping they have them tomorrow and that I had a super good ovulation, especially since it was so freaking early for me.

Can't wait to wake up and POAS tomorrow morning! :)

I got a feeling!

This is the phrase that Mr. PB has been standing behind for about a week. From the time we stopped having plenty of BDing, I have been told that this is the cycle and that he hasn't felt this way before about any of my other cycles. He has been on me to test since I think CD 4 or 5. We are heading to a friend's wedding today and will be on home Saturday. For this reason, he woke me up this morning during my first real week of vacation (hence the post at 6:45) so that I could test. No amount of explaining that testing at 8 dpo rarely gives positives and the chances are high I would get a negative even if things did work out for this cycle. Like the good wifey I am, I woke up and tested before he went to work and ........ it was negative. I was okay until I told him and had this incredibly crushed look on his face and just asked when my next cycle begins. I tried to explain to him again that I could still be pregnant, but it could be too early and I would test again on Sunday. This didn't seem to help. Now he is off to work and I sitting at home depressed, which is exactly the reason why I stopped testing early. At least I have a busy weekend to keep me busy. Tonight is my friends' rehearsal for their wedding, and then I will spend Friday with the bride and Mr. PB will be with the groom and Friday night is the wedding, and Saturday we are a little post wedding breakfast if we can get up. At least I won't feel horrible about having a few drinks. I don't mean to go over board, but I enjoy a few glasses of wine.

On a much different note, can I tell you how much I absolutely love the CBE digital opks? They are like this little magical stick that you pee on. I was so excited to see my smiley face (though it did happen on a day Mr. PB had to work about 16 hours, so no BDing occurred even though the doctor order it). It took all the guess work out of wondering whether I was having LH surge or not. They are wonderful and would probably continue to use them even if they cost $75 a box! Why didn't I find them sooner?

If you remember a few posts back, I said that my doctor had order cd3 and cd20 bw. Well the cd 3 came back "normal for a woman your age" whatever that means and I went for the cd20 bw on Monday and will call the results today. I will keep you updated.

Hopefully Mr. PB's "feelings" are as correct as they usually are and I will have something good to update you ladies on next week. :)