Well hello ovulation.

At least I think that's what this is. I have been feeling some twinges on my lower right side (which I don't typically notice ovulation pain) and the OPK I took earlier today is SUPER dark. It's not quite positive, but I am thinking that if I take another OPK later in the day it will be. The best sign that ovulation is impending is my cervix is high and soft and holy crap, I had EWCM that probably could have stretched for a mile. No joke. I have never seen it like that! Hopefully all signs are correct, and my body is gearing up to ovulate. And maybe even today!! That would be a welcomed change since I am currently on CD 13 and I typically ovulate somewhere around CD 25-27.

The only downfall to my theory is my chart is whacked out this month. Seriously. My temps are all over the place. So much so Fertility Friend gave me cross hairs on CD 10. What??! Umm, I fairly confident I didn't ovulate on CD 10. And if I did, I am screwed since there is no chance we caught the egg. But yeah, I am pretty sure I didn't ovulate then.

Fingers crossed that I ovulate in the near future. I am hopeful that ovulating on CD 14 vs CD 27 will be the change I need to get KU!

I want another one of these.....

Yep, I AW Little PB&J Bud every chance I get :)

PB&J Bud

An update, I guess...

I have been a bit out of the loop after being out of town this past weekend... I had a huge audition, which went well. Really well. Now, I play the waiting game... And I am not talkin' the 2ww. Still, during my plane ride over, upon using the restroom, I noticed some super sticky, super elastic EWCM. As of now, I am going to take this as a sign that my body is preparing to return to "normal"... Whatever that is. What I do know is that it has been over a month since Mr. DBud and I BDed, even if just for recreational purposes, and I am getting a bit anxious. Need. Sex. Now. Please!

I am perfectly aware of the fact that I am not completely over my loss. I know it was early, and all that... But I don't think you're ever really "over" things like this. I find myself getting slightly sentimental around babies, not to the point of crying, but with this aching, yearning feeling inside me. I wanted for this baby to stick so bad, even if I was kinda shocked and afraid when I saw the word "Pregnant" on my CBEDPT (ClearBlue Easy Digital Pregnancy Test).

Still, my other waiting game has us waiting to decide whether or not now is the time for career or family. I hate being in limbo, but I guess a part of me always knew this would happen, since choosing the Opera Diva life. One thing is for sure... This year, something's gotta give - we'll just have to see if it'll be "career" or "baby".






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

GTKMC

GTKMC = Getting To Know My Cervix

Me and my cervix, we're like old friends. Actually, we're BFFs. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd have such a close and personal relationship with my cervix. Ha. Heck, two years ago I wasn't really sure where my cervix was. But every day we get to know each other a little better. Ahh, TTC will make you do crazy things. And TTC will make you do things that you will never admit to your non-TTC friends. I can see the look of repulsion on their faces now! The look of "You do whhhaaatttt? But whhhyyyy?".

What I find so amazing about my body, is that everything it does is for a purpose. As a teenager, I remember discovering EWCM in my undies and being totally grossed out. I remember thinking "WTF is wrong with me?" Now the sight of EWCM gives my heart a little flutter! I have a mini celebration for myself in the bathroom, sometimes complete with fist pumps and all. Jersey Shore style. LOL. EWCM gives me the heads up that it's time to get busy with Mr. PB&J. However, when I am nearing day 21 of my cycle and there is no sight of fertile CM (like now), I find myself asking those same question I did as a teenager, "WTF is wrong with me?". Oh, the irony.

This cycle I have really stepped up my game in regards to checking my cervical position and cervical fluid. Charting is a great tool, but the biggest downfall to charting is ovulation can only be confirmed AFTER the fact. In months prior, our intercourse pattern hasn't been great around O time. Let me tell you, it's super defeating to wake up to a high temp when we didn't have sex the night before. I know OPKs are another great tool but frankly, I find them confusing. But that's another post for another time. I really need to stop being cheap and spring for some OPKs that interpret the results for me. Sometimes I become delusional and think everything is positive. Internet cheapies suck.

Anyway, checking my cervix seems to pick up where charting falls short. The clues my cervix gives me are invaluable. I am still learning how to distinguish the difference between the different types of CM. Sometimes I can't tell the difference between watery and creamy or sticky and egg white. And then when semen is thrown in the mix, forget it. I am totally confused. So I don't always record my findings if I am unsure, only if they're obvious. But I have become a pro at checking my cervical position. I do excel in that department! Whether it be high, low, soft, firm, open or closed, I got it figured out.

I am hoping that this month, my good friend (aka my cervix) will pull through and give me the much needed heads up of impending ovulation. I really could use a friend like that right now.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading :)

PB&J Bud

Good Vs. Evil!

Guess what I did today?? Shopped for my neighbor, who just had a beautiful baby boy. We became good friends with them, when we realized that their daughter, attended the same preschool as lil June Bud, and that the kids were in the same class. Lil JB doesn't go to that preschool anymore, but with them living diagonally across the street from us, we have remained very good friends with them. Not only did she have a beautiful baby boy, but she also named him our number 1 baby boy name. Not that it makes any difference to them or us, but it was just ironic to me. I went out and sucked up my own self pity, and bought them a really cute onesie, some cute lil socks, and some other stuff. I am also going to cook a dish for them, so that maybe that will help them out a bit. Aren't these onesies adorable????? Walmart!!!!! Such a great place for cute digs for newborns :-)

Oh, and of course I got a really cute gift for the new big sister. :-) I am so excited that their new little bundle of joy is here, but of course deep down inside I can't help being jealous. I wonder how it will be emotionally when I hold him for the 1st time? I will probably cry...tears of joy for them, and tears of frustration for us. The good thing is, that they know exactly what we are going through. Even though we have not known them too long, I really feel comfortable talking to them, so I have opened up about our TTC struggles, so they know exactly the position we are in.

Guess what else I did today?? I THOUGHT I had finally ovulated. I know. I was speechless too. I had a temp spike this morn, so I figured within a few days I would probably get crosshairs on FF (well, dotted ones atleast due to my crazy temp taking times), but crosshairs at that. Well, then I got a massive amount of EWCM. WHAAAAA? So, where does that put me in the whole O dilemma? Any insight would be awesome. I am just thoroughly confused by my body this month...and the timing does not help either. If we WERE to get pregnant this month, I would have a mid May due date, which would be AWESOME because it would only be a few weeks before the end of the school year. All of the standardized testing would be done, all of my counseling would be coming to an end, and they would not even have to replace me while I was gone.

Murphy's Law says that would be too good to be true. Oh, but here's a positive...

I bought myself cookies, and will indulge because I can :-)

LOVE!

June Bud

Chart Obsessing

I am hopefully entering another 2ww this weekend. My temps have been all over the place this cycle. I have some problems with anxiety, and it was in full force for a while last week. I'm sure this had something to do with my temps being so high. I woke up several days with my heart pounding out of my chest. I have no real reason for it either, just normal life stress. This is what anxiety has done to my chart:

It looks kind of like an EKG!

I was afraid that the anxiety issues would delay ovulation, but I think I actually may have another normal cycle. The other night, I actually had EWCM! I have not had any since coming off of BCP. I switched to drinking green tea instead of taking the supplements this cycle, so I will attribute my fertile CM to that.

I also got a +OPK yesterday, along with 2 consistent higher temps. I doubt FF will take into account my "high stress" markings for the beginning of the cycle, but I will override it if I have to. As a fellow GP'er reminded me, beautiful charts mean nothing. They are just used to confirm O and measure your LP.

I won't stop temping after O though, because no matter the outcome, I like to submit my charts to the gallery to hopefully help others learn about their cycles.

This is my 13th month TTC. Sometimes it is hard to stay positive, especially when others around you seem to be able to get pregnant so easily. I give a lot of credit on staying positive to Mr. Sassy Bud. He has been amazing through this whole process. He was ready for children much earlier than I was. However, he stayed patient and never pressured me to make the decision to TTC. He is always so encouraging to me, despite the crazy things that have gone on with my cycles since we started this journey. I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. I hope to be able to repay him by making him a father one day.

Last weekend I hosted the baby shower for my friend that is moving away. It was so nice to be able to give her and her husband that memory before they leave. She got so many great gifts! I decided not to have any games at the shower because they are not really my thing. I think people spend enough time eating and watching the gifts being opened, that it is not necessary to make them suffer through doing silly things. Apparently the girls that attended agreed with me, because they all thanked me for not making them play games! Instead, we gave a few gift baskets away by placing stickers under the plates. Quick and easy, just my style.

So, here's hoping my temps stay up, and AF stays away!