Do you believe in Miracles?

So many people ask for Miracles every day... A Miracle to get them out of debt, save their home, save their children, family members, pets etc. I think it's pretty obvious that there are many women hoping for a Miracle to happen in order for them to get pregnant... and there is a place for these women to go... The Our Lady of La Leche Shrine in St. Augustine, Fl. Maybe someone has blogged about this before, or maybe not... but either way, I thought I'd share. Now, I don't know how many of you are believers, or religious or whatnot... but regardless, I happen to know, from past experiences, that the Power of Prayer can be pretty, well... Powerful. No matter who you pray to. If you don't believe in any of this, of course that's fine, I don't mean to force my ideals on anyone. We all have our beliefs and our own practices... but this place is amazing. I have been there before, but I haven't actually gone into the chapel to pray... as I mentioned before, we have just begun our TTC journey. This little Chapel is nestled in this beautiful, peaceful, park, and offers refuge and hope to thousands of women who travel from all over in hopes of one thing... a Miracle. The prayer is as follows,

"Lovely Lady of La Leche, most loving mother of the Child Jesus, and my mother, listen to my humble prayer. Your motherly heart knows my every wish, my every need. To you only, His spotless Virgin Mother, has your Divine Son given to understand the sentiments which fill my soul. Yours was the sacred privilege of being the Mother of the Savior. Intercede with him now, my loving Mother, that, in accordance with His will, I may become the mother of other children of our heavenly Father. This I ask, O Lady of La Leche, in the Name of your Divine Son, My Lord and Redeemer. Amen."

I am only at the beginning of my TTC journey... still learning the ropes of this charting thing, and not even close to feeling the desperation of trying month after month without the desired result... but I can really feel for those women who do. Not everyone is lucky enough to have their "wish" granted on the first try... and when all those Doctors visits and BFNs keep giving you an answer you don't want to hear... sometimes, you just need to have a little "faith"... in whatever you believe in.

Staying Positive

I had a bad week. I felt really yucky at the beginning of the week from the estrogen patches I had been on since last Saturday. I was OK with it though, thinking that it would be worth feeling crappy when the patches did what they were supposed to do and thickened up my lining. But at my appointment on Wednesday, I got the bad news that my lining was only 5.4 mm. I just couldn't believe it...I think the u/s tech had to repeat it twice because I was so shocked. It's a good think that both Mr. CB and I were off work that day, because as soon as she walked out of the u/s room I started crying and I was really glad he was there with me.

I did have a good size follicle (20 mm) so they told me to still do my HCG trigger Wednesday night and have timed intercourse Wed, Thur and Fri. We're going through with the plan and will also start progesterone on Sunday, but I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I hate that this process has turned from a husband and wife making love to create their child to a clinical, forced, stressful process. I am trying to have faith and be strong, but as the months go by it gets harder and harder.

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I'm doing my best to stay positive. I wasn't very good at it on Wednesday and Thursday but I just needed some time to process everything and get back to my happy place. I'm just going to keep putting my trust in God and know that there is a plan for us. And I know my doctor is doing everything she can to help us. So now I wait the end of this cycle out, hope for a miracle, and if no BFP then we will see what the RE has in mind for next month.

Trying to stay calm through the wait

Last week I thought I was half way through the dreaded 2WW, but then the evil FF decided to change my ovulation date by four days, so NOW, "I think", I am half way through this waiting game. I've been trying really hard not to over think every "symptom" or "feeling" but I'm only human. I just wish my symptoms were the same every month so that I will stop getting my hopes up. Last cycle I had extremely sensitive nipples (which was new for me) so I started thinking "maybe it's a pregnancy sign." This week my whole boobs have been sore every morning, so now I'm thinking "maybe it's an early pregnancy sign." Despite these "symptoms" and the change in O date, I feel surprisingly calm this cycle. The only thing I can contribute this new calmness to is my faith. I've been spending more time in prayer and with people who are praying for us. I take comfort in knowing that God already knows our Little Hopeful Bud's name, birthdate and everything about him or her. It is not for me to know when we will be blessed with this miracle. I can only wait and prepare my body, heart, and head for this blessing.

Along these same lines, this week Mr. Hopeful Bud came into the house and said, "I think we should go on a mission trip. We are so blessed and I really think this is something that we should do to give back." I went to Honduras a couple years ago on a mission trip and I can whole-heartily say that it was a life-changing experience in more then one way. I would love for Mr. Hopeful Bud and I to share in a similar experience. So I think part of my calmness also comes from the idea that maybe we are meant to take this trip before we get our BFP because once we do it wouldn't be safe for me to go to a third-world country.

I say all this today with a calmness in my heart. Tomorrow or months from now I could have a completely different tone. We have been TTC for nine months and I am still hopeful that it will happen in God's timing.