November 14, 2009

Staying Positive

I had a bad week. I felt really yucky at the beginning of the week from the estrogen patches I had been on since last Saturday. I was OK with it though, thinking that it would be worth feeling crappy when the patches did what they were supposed to do and thickened up my lining. But at my appointment on Wednesday, I got the bad news that my lining was only 5.4 mm. I just couldn't believe it...I think the u/s tech had to repeat it twice because I was so shocked. It's a good think that both Mr. CB and I were off work that day, because as soon as she walked out of the u/s room I started crying and I was really glad he was there with me.

I did have a good size follicle (20 mm) so they told me to still do my HCG trigger Wednesday night and have timed intercourse Wed, Thur and Fri. We're going through with the plan and will also start progesterone on Sunday, but I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I hate that this process has turned from a husband and wife making love to create their child to a clinical, forced, stressful process. I am trying to have faith and be strong, but as the months go by it gets harder and harder.

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I'm doing my best to stay positive. I wasn't very good at it on Wednesday and Thursday but I just needed some time to process everything and get back to my happy place. I'm just going to keep putting my trust in God and know that there is a plan for us. And I know my doctor is doing everything she can to help us. So now I wait the end of this cycle out, hope for a miracle, and if no BFP then we will see what the RE has in mind for next month.


Blessed Bud said...

Keeping the FAITH with you Chef Bud... Hopefully we will both be blessed with BFP's.


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