IVF, here we come!

It is offical; Mr. Plannerbud and I are moving onto IVF. We met with our RE earlier today and he thinks this is the best thing for us. Since we are textbook "normal" and I am still young (27), he says we have about a 50/50 chance of getting pregnant with our first few cycles. I know that he probably says that to a lot of people, but I trust that if the chances were slim, he would be telling us so.

Mr. Plannerbud and I are very excited and cannot wait to begin this journey. I do have say though I am a little nervous about all the injections, especially when I have to do two in one day! Hopefully I don't really mess up mixing or setting the correct dosage. My major fear though is that I will have to my trigger shot mid-school day. How will I dress that with my students? "Hold on class, Mrs. P needs to run to bathroom to inject herself with some drugs. Please read silently." Yeah that would go over big.

Now we really just have to wait for this month to pass. I have given up temping. I haven't remembered to do it in like three days and I don't think it is super important for where we are right now. Hopefully I will at least remember to use my OPKs starting tomorrow, so at least we would have some chance this month. It is going to be a crazy few months.

It's Officially Negative!!

Today was the final day for my HCG levels to be detected on a HPT and it came back with a BFN!! I was surprisingly calm about it this morning and today but I just layed in bed all day moping. My parents did swing by to say sorry and give me a hug and then we went to breakfast at IHOP with them and my niece which was surprisingly nice!!

Yesterday I was an emotional wreck and spent most of the day crying, being crabby or just in general having a big pity party while attempting to clean our disaster of a house. I even baked some mini cakes that look like trains and presents that I am going to fill with cream and then eat them, YUM!! Mr. Explorer Bud stayed in the garage pulling an engine where he was safe, for the most part, from my craziness!!

I am glad that we know for sure and there is not a cliff hanger for a week. I am glad I don't have to take shots anymore or all the pills, not that I would've minded if I were pregnant but it is nice to be done. I took the patches off and didn't take anything today so it feels final. I will probably still have spouts of sadness and anger but I am mostly just feeling resigned that we will not be having kids in the next year or two. I think we will just wait to do another IVF cycle after Mr. Explorer Bud is out of school. Maybe that is what we are supposed to be waiting for in the first place so why keep trying. Of course there won't be any prevention going on in the bedroom but like the Dr. said it is less than a 1% chance of occurring naturally and that was before I lost my left fallopian tube!!

Hopefully AF will arrive sooner than later so we can move on with it all!!

I Tested

So I decided I would test this morning and then Saturday and then Monday. This morning's was a lovely "Not Pregnant" so I will do Saturday and Monday and if they are both negative I will stop taking the meds. At least this time in my dreams the test was negative so I didn't have all those hopeful vibes in the morning.

So I am not sure what is the problem but the injection site of my progesterone shot yesterday is now welted up and still really sore. I may have injected a small piece of glass into my bum!! I had broken the top off and didn't realize there was some glass at the bottom of the vial till I had sucked up all the Progesterone. But I checked the syringe and didn't see anything so I figured it was alright. I haven't had a reaction to the injections prior to yesterday so not sure if my body is just irritated or I put some glass in there!! I guess if it doesn't go away in a few days I will call the Dr. and see what he thinks.

My Butt Is Bruised and Other Ramblings

I only have to do the Progesterone shots every other day but man is my butt sore!! The first two weren't bad going in but yesterday's was painful going in and I had a big knot for a few hours!! I was checking out my buns this mnorning in the mirror and I have several bruises sprouting up, hopefully this will end in a pregnancy so that I can feel like this was all worth it!!

Being on bed rest is soo boring!! The days drag and I am waking up about 5:30 each morning and not going to bed till 11:00 pm. Sleeping on my back is for the birds but so is laying around the apartment. My mom and I did go and get a snow cone today which was delicious. It had lots of sugary goodness that made my day!! The good thing about staying in Panama till Monday is that I will only have to wait 5 days for the blood test. Being here still doesn't feel like I am done with the IVF yet but just waiting for another appointment.

So far on this trip we have run into 4 people that are from Utah as well and we have had a wonderful time chatting in English with them. It is really nice being able to talk to someone in your own language when you are in a foreign country!! They of course ask why we are here and most of the time when people ask I will tell them why I am here but other times I just say for vacation. I am not sure why I just don't tell everyone but sometimes I don't feel like explaining everything or I figure they won't be all that interested. I guess I am still a bit self-conscious about people's opinions on what we are doing and don't want their pity either. I am fairly private with my problems and don't deal with with people's sympathies but I have been trying to work on that since I think it helps me deal with the process and my emotions. Mr. Explorer Bud likes to joke that he shows emotion like a girl and I like a guy! It is true but since being married to him I have slowly been opening up and learning how to handle the expression of emotion. Don't get me wrong I still will rarely cry in front of someone or express my emotions with people unless pried to do so but I am way better!! The one thing that makes me want to share my experience is that I have heard lots of positive stories from people of someone they know who was successful and it makes me feel positive about our cycle or when I am able to help someone else out with more information about the IVF process or where to get information. It is always amazing how many people who are in the same or similar situations as we are and it makes me feel less broken and frustrated. At least I am not the only one in this lovely boat!!

Shots, Shots and more Shots

So my stomach and me have had it with shots!! I hate needles, I seriously loathe them!! When I was a teenager I was thrown face first into a metal fence off a galloping horse and had paint embedded into my cheek. At the doctor's they wanted to give me a shot to numb my face so they could scrub the paint out and I refused and told them I would do it myself if I didn't have to have a shot. When my blood is drawn my veins collapse a lot or the nurses have a hard time getting blood from them so they spend a lot of time digging around my arm till they do. I have had 3 nurses have to "tap out" as they call it due to sticking me 3 times without success and the 4th nurse was on her third stick, I thought I was going to die!! So I hate needles, just the thought of them makes me get jittery. Of course infertility, hypothyroidism and PCOS involves lots of needles, all the testing, re-testing just to diagnosis that you have a problem. Then moving onto Clomid cycles and the blood work to track those pesky hormones. Now with IVF all the lovely injections that you get to take right in that cute tummy of yours! I have my mom give me the shots because it probably would take me a while to give myself that shot or I would jam it in way too hard over anticipating the force needed to get the needle in!! Besides, it is just easier to have someone else to stab you with a needle.



Today is day 9 of shots and even the Cetrotide is starting to hurt going in which I figure means my body is really tired of them not just my emotions!! The good thing is I only had to have one injection instead of two due to the Dr. wanting to slow down the growth of those follicles. Today I have my appointment so we will see if he changes the injections even more or keeps them the same.

Thanks for reading my gripes about those awful needles!!

Second Appointment & Such

We have been staying on an island off of Panama called Isla Colon/ Bocas Del Toro which is a lovely place. We are literally in the jungle and across the road from the Ocean. We have tons of wildlife and it rains most evenings and mornings so it is a relaxing start to the day, since we don't have to go anywhere and can just swing in the hammock listening to the rain! We also have the properties dog named Lassie who comes and hangs on our porch with us during the day. We have been enjoying walking along the ocean and enjoying the wonderful warm weather! It is in the mid 20's at home so I am very glad to be gone!! Anyways... the Dr. threw in an extra appointment right before coming and of course it was in the middle of being here in Bocas. Since there are only two flights a day out and in I had to catch the early flight into Panama City and luckily they squeezed me into the first appointment slot. Then catch the last flight out at 3:30 back to Bocas. Each appointment we first do an ultrasound and check out those ovaries to see how they are looking. I have 10 good follicles growing which is nice to see, that is the same as we had last time. The Dr. had upped my dose of Menopur from last time but has decided that the follicles are growing too fast and is dropping me back down from 3 to 2 ampules. So Monday we will check again and see how they are growing. Other than that we went over my medications and I needed to get some more needles and syringes for the medications. Most appointments are pretty straightforward and short but it is always interesting to see the ultrasounds and look at the ovaries. They are soo strange looking with the follicles that look like big black holes in the ovaries.

So when I am on all the hormones the Metformin no longer gives me intestinal troubles, I think it is because the hormones make you constipated and the Metformin makes you have the runs so it evens out in the end. Weird but I really like the effect oh and my finger nails get really long and don't break, my skin is smooth and my hair is less greasy. Maybe that means when I get pregnant that I will be one of those that glow and have amazing hair and nails?! Let's hope so, probably should just focus on the here and now though.

Hopefully by Monday I will have been able to purchase a USB cord for the camera since I forgot that and the cord to connect the GPS to my computer so I can download the Panama road maps. Then I will post some lovely pictures of where my mom and I have been and the beautiful things we have been seeing.

Until next time,

We Have Arrived

My mom and I are finally here in Panama!! This time around I was mostly packed a week ahead of time, met with my doctors and purchased a panama map for my GPS system to hopefully minimize my time getting lost!! Our flight was soo much nicer this time around as we flew business class and the food was 10x's better tasting and the seats were wide and comfy to sleep on which helped get some sleep as we flew the red eye. We arrived at 10:30 in the morning and Eric, our Medical Tourism contact, met us at the airport to take us to my first appointment. It was a good feeling to know that someone was waiting and things are taken care of and I can just relax and enjoy the journey. Last time there were so many unknowns, including if the medical tourism company was a scam or real! I remember flying into Panama City and saying to my Mom, "so do you think someone will really be there to pick us up?"

Our first appointment went smoothly, we met with Dr. Berbey's assistant and he did the initial ultrasound, we went over the surgery and what happened, my medicine schedule and our next appointments. It is a nice feeling to know what is going to happen, how to do my injections, what will happen at each appointment, and a past round to compare to.


This round I am on 3 amps of Menopur (10 days), 3 tablets of Clomid (3 days) and 1 amp Cetrotide (4 days). My first injection stung but I know that it will get better and then get more irritated towards the end of the two weeks but hopefully it will be all worth it!


We are are currently wrapped in our cozy robes and tucked into bed watching Biggest Loser definitely a good motivational show to be watching so I think I will have to take those people's dedication and hard work and transfer it to my IVF cycle!!

Today is the last day...

Of birth control pills!!! YAY!!!!

I'm trying this whole "be positive" thing. So I expect to be posting my bfp in a few weeks, okay?

If my cyst shrunk from 4cm to 2cm in 2 weeks, it should shrink small enough to move forward with injections in a week and a half, right!?

So here's hoping that AF starts soon!!! I'll be pulling out all of the white underwear and pants that I own to trick the wench into showing her ugly face.

It's been a nice break, although unwanted. But I'm ready to get back in the game, coach. I've got 2 cartridges of Follistim and an HCG shot in the fridge just itching to be used! I've never been so excited to get a shot in my life. Crazy the twists that life takes...

Steps in a new direction

We met with Dr. P this morning to discuss my latest blood test results. My slightly elevated FSH coupled with my low progesterone this month leads him to believe there is ovulatory dysfunction going on. My mother went through menopause early at 38 and he said that this may be the case for me as well. So in his words, "We can't drag feet here."

I'm to call as soon as I start my period (in the next few days) and then they will have me come in for my baseline appointment. At that point, they will call in to the pharmacy of my choice (they gave me a list of 4 they recommend) to order my meds. I'll be on a low dose of Follistim to start out conservatively and see how I respond, ramping up if necessary. Then I'll be going in daily for ultrasounds and bloodwork after a few days on that to see how I'm responding. Once ovulation is imminent, I will be triggering with 10,000 miu of Novarel HCG. And then taking vaginal progesterone suppositories until either I'm not pregnant or until 12 weeks of pregnancy.

He said that there is a 22% chance of conceiving with this protocol with my history.

He also said he doesn't feel IUI is necessary but would do it if we wanted. He feels we would be wasting our money though so I agreed to give it a shot with TI this month and see what happens, maybe move on to IUI next cycle.

He didn't even feel the need to really discuss IVF at this point, saying he doesn't feel I'm a candidate for it yet and we'd worry about it after a few cycles of this.

So... that's where I stand. A little nauseous about the cost but knowing it will be worth it.

DOA?

No, just DOR. Official diagnosis in my charts of Diminished Ovarian Reserve.

My FSH came back at 10.2. My RE had hoped that the level was high from my last test due to the cysts on my ovaries. But apparently, that wasn't the case. I've got grandma eggs. After everything we've been through to "fix" me, I'm still stuck with the same predicament. Expensive treatment.

I just sat in our ladies room at work (don't worry, there are couches and comfy chairs in there so I wasn't on a toilet or anything!) and cried for the longest time. I just can't take much more of these hits. "You're broken." "You're fixed!" "Ooops sorry, you're still broken."

So we meet with the RE on the 24th to plan the next cycle. He wants to see my next 7dpo bloodwork to check my ovulation before deciding what I will go on.

The nurse said it will definitely be injections because of my age. No IUI though because we don't have sperm issues. We're looking at around $2,000 a cycle.

I'm really starting to feel defeated.

And so I watch another month wasted while I wait to see the doctor.

Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise

The IVF 2ww is unlike any other.

Not only are you dealing with the regular 2ww type things, but you're actually injecting your body and taking pills with EXTRA hormones to further convince your body what you already know: You're pregnant until proven otherwise. It makes things harder than I can explain.

And, 8dp3dt (= 11DPO) I think I'm hitting the wall.

The past couple of days have been REALLY hard. I keep searching for something to definitively tell me that I'm pregnant or not (short of POAS, because that's not an option). I've cried only a little bit. I tried to get squeezed in at my IF therapist, but she can't fit me in before beta.

I've been positive this whole time. I hardly even thought of the "what if". Now it's all I'm thinking about.

All I can think of is what happened last time. We got the phone call, and my husband came home from work, because he could hear it in my voice on the phone, and he didn't want me to be in the house by myself. And I just cried for HOURS.

That's all I can think about now... is how I was after that phone call.

So, someone give me something to grab onto until beta - because I HATE feeling how I feel right now. I want to go back to 2 days ago, when I was Joe Positive.

I don't like being this scared little girl, hoping that I'm pregnant.

Those 2 nearly perfect embryos... if this doesn't work.... I just can't imagine.

IVF #2: 2 Week Wait Update

Who wants good news?

It's too early for a pregnancy test - so relax you crazies....

I'm 4dp3dt (7dpo) and I did have ONE blood test today. My progesterone level. The embryologist (Dr. S) who "made" my embryos was doing the blood draws today, so I took the opportunity to discuss their fabulosity (or at least 2 out of 3 of them).

She was VERY happy with our embryos. She even took it another step to explain the "compacting" 8 cell to me, and confirm that it did mean that my little embryo was indeed at least 1/2 day ahead in growth and that it was a good sign for continued growth upon transfer.

But for now, let's rewind for a minute to the abysmal cycle #1, shall we?

This time 3 months ago, I was miserable. My progesterone level was 26 and change, and that wasn't high enough for Dr Z, even though I had heard that for a medicated cycle, 25 was acceptable. So, I was started on vag chalk: Endometrin suppositories 3 times a day, in addition to my daily PIO (Progesterone in Oil) injection.

I wasn't pregnant - so it didn't matter.

Today, I got home from my blood draw with a question.

So I went to my infertility gurus (the girls who have gone before me) and asked the question:

How significant is the P4 right now? Last cycle it was 26.something at this time, and I wound up on endometrin 3x day in addition to the PIO. But I also wasn't pregnant.
If my P4 isn't up to par, does it mean i'm not pregnant? Or can you have a lowish P4 at this point and still wind up pregnant?

I got a really good answer from one of the girls, and I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her here, because I am sure that some of the girls who follow me might have the same questions.

"My RE likes to see P4 above 40 for an IVF cycle. He likes it higher that IUI cycles since the entire IVF process is so unnatural (I hate that word but don't know what else to use). His practice believes that since eggs are not rupturing out of follicles on their own, the chance of your corpus luteum (sp?) producing enough progesterone to signal your body to prepare for pregnancy is slim.

Thus P4 being monitored and supplements being increased if you are not where they like to see you. With that said, my RE told me (b/c he knows I worry about every.little.thing) that he has seem many, many IVF cycles with less than stellar progesterone go on to produce perfectly healthy pregnancies." - LCB34
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Well, that said, Dr Z wanted to see me above 30 last cycle, which explains the supplements he then put me on.

I guess the good news I'm alluding to is that right now, there's no vag chalk for me. My progesterone is 44.3!!

That's right - i said 44.3!!

So, the plan for now is just do what i've been doing, and return to the office one week from today for my beta.

As far as symptoms... there are some things i'm desperately trying to not over analyze. Things outside of the 2ww norm for me. One friend tells me that "new" or "different" is good. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed.

If I get good news again next week, then i'll tell all - but for right now, and the slim possibility I have of NOT sounding crazy, i'm going to keep the symptoms to myself.

All I can do now is continue hoping that the good news keeps coming. I'm VERY hopeful and positive right now. I'm just so scared that I shouldn't feel that way - because last time is still VERY raw in my head. Does that make any sense?

Starting from the finish line

When Dr Z says we're not starting slow, he means we're NOT starting slow.

I just got home from my suppression check where I had my first official cycle vagcam/follicle check and blood draw. I also got my medication instructions for the next 4 days.

Vagcam/Follicle Check: All is well at this point. Lining is 6mm, homozygous and I have 12 antral follicles. Thats up from 10-11 at my vagcam 2 weeks ago, so I'll take it. Also, the bleeding has S-L-O-W-E-D down... it's still red, but I'm barely spotting at this point, so that makes me happy. If today is my last spotting day, i'll be thrilled. That would make 34 days bleeding all together. I'll be happy to stow the tampax - finally.

Blood draw: shockingly, they're checking my beta level. I laughed when Dr S (the embryologist that drew my blood this AM) told me that they were checking that in addition to my E2 level. Can you imagine if I were pregnant? Ridiculous thinking. But, they have to make sure. I know.

Instructions for the next 4 days: HOLY MEDICATION BATMAN. Dr Z warned me we were starting strong. I'm at maximum doses... for now. That's 2 vials of menopur (which burns like a bitch) and 300 units of gonal-f every day. Tonight the gonal will be in all one dose. Starting tomorrow, the gonal will be in 2 injections daily. We'll see where things are on tuesday. When my follicles hit 14-15mm, they'll add in ganirelex, which will prevent my ovaries from ovulating on their own.

Anyway - there's my update for now. We're starting from the top.... but we're on our way.

IVF #2 starts now.

And we're off... AKA... Um, when did it turn March?

I've been waiting almost 3 months to start IVF #2. March used to be SO far away. And now? Now I didn't even realize March 5th was here.

It hit me about 1 hour ago. Oh, I have to go to Dr. Z in the morning and then start injections tomorrow night.

Wow.

I'm having a weirdly difficult time with this cycle. Not in emotionally preparing for it, but I think in my LACK of emotionally preparing for it. I'm not being negative, but I'm having a difficult time being really positive, also.

It's a weird feeling. I just kind of feel like, okay, let's get this done.

I remember WAY too clearly how I felt getting that IVF BFN, which (i'm sorry if this offends you in any way) is worse than any other BFN possible. And I'm so scared that I might ever feel that way again. One girl on a message board I frequent even said that an IVF BFN is worse than a m/c, (she had both). She said that at least with the miscarriage she got tons of support and love and with the BFN she got a lot of "well, you'll try again" or "better luck next time" and no one really understood how completely devastating it was.

I'm not saying that I agree with that statement... just that it's an interesting perspective. I don't know if I believe it - But i think pain is pain, it's all real, and it's not my place to judge it.

It's really a strange feeling that I have right now. Mr. DB really thinks that it is going to work, now that we know everything. My acupuncturist tells me I'm healthier than she's ever seen me. She thinks it's going to work I really HOPE it's going to work. But I'm scared to "think" either way.

Do you know what I mean?

Anyway - T-23 hours til vagcam.

Injection class = check!

Today Mr. CB and I went to the injection class to learn how to do the injections for our next cycle. We got there and the nurse brought us back to the conference room and had all the supplies laid out on the table. I found out I will be on follistim, and we're using an injection pen. It was really easy to learn how to use, and I'm confident that Mr. CB and I will be able to figure it all out once we start. When my RE gave me the estimate for the cost of an injectable cycle, she said it would be $1500-$2000. That was definitely a little bit stressful, so we were really excited to find out that the amount we need will be $750. Still a lot of money, but half as much as we thought!

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One of my biggest worries is overstimulation. When I asked the nurse what would happen if I had too many follicles, she said the cycle would be cancelled. I didn't know if they would be able to convert to IVF or what. I really don't want to spend over $1000 on meds and doctor visits only to be cancelled at the last minute. The nurse said I would be on 150IU per day for five days. Since I don't have any problems with ovulation or follicle growth I worry that this will be too much. I am just going to trust in the doctor and know that they know best.


The only issue that I don't know if the RE has addressed for my upcoming cycle is my lining. It's bad timing, but my RE that I've been working with is on maternity leave so she didn't have any input on my meds for the next cycle. I asked the nurse today about my lining, and if the follistim will be enough to get it to where it needs to be or if I need to take something else to boost the thickness. She said my doctor is returning from leave on Monday so she will talk to her and find out.


So now it's just a waiting game. I should start my period the first week of March, then I will go in for a baseline ultrasound and get my medication ordered. The amazing thing to me is that I usually don't ovulate until around day 17. But on the follistim, I will take the medicine from cycle day 3 to 7 and then should be ready to trigger! So my 27 day cycle will be cut down to about 19 days. Crazy.


Today when I got home, I checked the mail and I had a package from Worry Bud! She sent me the cutest little penguin, a prayer card to keep in my wallet and a sweet card. With all that she is going through right now with her IVF, I am so thankful that she is also thinking of me and what I'm going through. I love you Worry Bud and am praying for amazing news for you in a couple of weeks!

IUI #1 = BFN

I found out last week that our first IUI didn't work. It's been almost a week, and I think it's taken me that long to come to grips with my emotions and to start feeling like me again. I will be the first to admit that I was a wreck. When I first found out Thursday morning before work, I felt like someone was standing on my chest and I couldn't breathe. I spent Thursday in a depressed fog, and then Friday became a miserable brat. I was mean to Mr. CB and just felt so sorry for myself. We went to Orlando to see my best friends, and had dinner at a friend's house Saturday night. When the talk turned to babies (they all have little ones around a year old) I just couldn't take it. I left the table, cried in the corner of the kitchen and then felt like crap for making my friends feel like crap.

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I am still sorting through my roller coaster emotions, but I think I am getting a better handle on how to stay positive. I think I spent so many months being ok with what was happening and getting through the BFN's without a lot of melt downs, but now it's caught up to me. During the IUI cycle, I kept thinking it wasn't that big of a deal, it was JUST an IUI, that so many girls have been trying longer and are doing much more serious procedures like IVF and dealing with worse diagnosis, like MFI or PCOS. I have realized that I can't minimize what I am going through, and my struggles and emotions are just as valid as anyone else dealing with a different stage of IF.

Our original plan was to take a few months off if the IUI didn't work, but of course that has changed! When I realized the IUI didn't work, I decided that night that I wanted to move on to the injectable cycle right away. I called the doctor first thing Friday morning, and learned that I had to take an injectable class before I could even start. So February was out. Right now, I'm signed up for the class next Friday, and my nurse is working on getting my medicine list and doseages. We are all out of pocket for injectable meds, so we are expecting to spend $1500-$2000 on the meds I will need. I can't believe we are spending so much money for something that may not even result in a baby, but right now we're in this 100%, and will do what we need to in order to bring home our Baby CB.

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We've also looked into acupuncture. I read a post on an IF message board about a woman who saw an acupuncturist and had significant lining thickening, so I figure it's worth a try. We're hoping to get in next week for our first consult. I feel like even if we don't get specific results in regards to fertility, it will be something to help me relax and de-stress...which I definitely need right now!

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Follie check #2

I went in this morning for my second follie check. Unfortunately, my RE was not in the office this morning, so the other RE from my office stood in during my u/s and one of the nurses physically did the u/s. I have had them before for some other u/s, but I like it better when my RE does it because he shows me what's going on & what he's seeing during the u/s. This RE & nurse just kinda talk to each other, but don't really tell me what they are seeing. The nurse & RE doing my /us spoke in general terms saying that my lining looked great & that I had lots of follies on each ovary...they said everything looked excellent!! I mentioned that Dr. G (my RE) said they'd measuring follies today, and the RE said that they were measuring them. She said there were several that were about 13-14mm (they were the largest) & there were lots more that were less than 11mm & some even smaller than that. The RE told me to make an appointment for Wednesday morning, but to wait on the call later today for directions.

My nurse called about an hour ago & said to stay on the same meds dosage, and to actually come in tomorrow instead of Wednesday due to more crazy snow expected in our area. My estrogen level this morning was 909 - up from 209 on Friday, which is good since my nurse said Estrogen is supposed to increase during your cycle. If all goes well, hopefully I will be triggering later this week & doing the ER this weekend sometime! Thanks for all the thoughts & prayers...I know they are working, so please keep 'em coming!!

PS - BIG GL and T&P to Blessed Bud, who's going in for her ER today!! I hope they gets lots of eggs & you have an excellent fertilization rate! Best wishes!

1 down, lots to go...

This morning Mr. Worry Bud & I administered my very first injection for this IVF cycle. I'm on a protocol my RE refers to as a Luteal Lupron Protocol, so that starts with BCPs for 21 days & in the last 3 days of BCPS, I begin Lupron injections. So, that's what we did this morning. Mr. WB works from home on Tuesdays & I leave for work pretty early - around 6am. So, I woke Mr. WB up around 5:50am so that he could "wake up" & not be groggy when giving me the shot. Then, I prepared the needle for the injection, following the instructions we learned in our injection training + the handy how to guide my fertility center provides. Lupron is an injection that should be administered subcutaneously (under the skin). My nurse directed me to do the shot in 1 of 3 places: 1) towards the back (fatty) part of the upper arm, 2) the outer (also fatty) part of the thigh, or 3) in the belly. We selected to do it in the arm b/c I figured that would make it more like getting a flu shot & I get those annually, so it should be no big deal, right? Edit: Originally I wrote that the Lupron injection was a subQ shot like the flu shot, but the flu shot is not subQ, it is an intramuscular injection (thanks DB!)...we did the Lupron more towards the back of the arm.

Photo Credit

Well, I'm happy to report - we did it & honestly, I psyched myself up - woke up several times last night & early this morning a little anxious about the shot...it was not that bad at all. Felt much like a normal flu shot would. I did have a small bump of swelling at the injection site & some redness like a few minutes after the injection, but I massaged the area gently & by the time I arrived at my office, it was all better. Whew! I also started 1 baby (low dose) aspirin this morning - it helps to make your lining ready for implantation.

Last night, I made a Google calendar of all the approximate dates & medications/dosing for this cycle. It'll obviously be changing as I am monitored & I plan on updating it as necessary. So, tonight I will continue my BCPs - I have 3 more doses of this & should finish on Thursday. I will also continue to take my prenatal vitamin in the evenings. Each morning over the next week or two, I'll do the Lupron injection + baby aspirin, and wait on my period to arrive. Once it does (approximately 2/1-2/2), I am to call my nurse so that I can schedule my Lupron evaluation (1st of my monitoring appts.) & shortly thereafter, I will begin stimming. It's hard to believe that we are actually getting this cycle started!! I am continuing to pray several times a day that all of this will bring us the child we have been praying for. I see my IF Counselor tomorrow & I am looking forward to it - she is a good support system. Thanks again for all the support & prayers!

Meetings, procedures & classes, oh my!

The last two days I have been staying pretty busy gearing up for our IVF cycle. Last night I attended the IVF Support Group meeting I talked about yesterday. When I got there, I saw a couple sitting outside in the hall & when I tried them, the doors to my fertility center (different location than my normal office - same place I went for my HSG) were locked. So I rang the doorbell & the group facilitator came out to let us in, the couple sitting outside followed me in, saying they didn't realize that there was a bell to ring! Then the facilitator, who is a licensed clinical psychologist, went back to her office to grab a few things. While we were waiting for the meeting to begin, the couple & I started chatting a bit. The other couple & other lady who was attending showed up about 10 min. later & we got started! It was really great to get to talk to people in similar situations & having similar feelings about their upcoming IVF cycles. One of the ladies attending even has an estimated ER three days before me! We all exchanged information & left saying we'd keep in touch. It was seriously awesome. I have absolutely no regrets about attending & I plan on doing it again next month if I am available - for sure! I highly recommend that anyone facing IF - whether you feel like you are really having a hard time or even if you feel like you are coping with your IF pretty well - attend a support group meeting either thru your RE's office or check out RESOLVE to see if there are any group meetings in your area. Talking to other women in a situation similar to you is really very powerful & takes away a lot of the feelings of being broken & isolation that you may be feeling. (Photo Credit for above photo).

Today I had a saline sonohysterogram (SHG) & mock embryo transfer (MET). I did not realize I was even getting an SHG until I got to the office & they gave me a paper to sign agreeing to undergo the procedure. I thought it would just be a MET, but I guess my RE likes to do both at the same time to ensure there are no problems uterine problems that had not been caught. Anyways, the whole thing went by pretty quickly. He inserted the cathetar & released a little of the solution in slowly. Mr. WB was right there with me & my RE showed us where the catheter was & the solution being released in side my uterus, and also showed us the shape of my uterus & ovaries - both of which he said looked perfect! No cysts or any other problems he could identify.

After that, we headed over to the injection training class. It was very informative & we got to meet a few other couples from our center. The nurse leading it was my nurse, who I LOVE! IMO, the scariest of the shots seems to be the HCG Trigger shot, but I think I will ask my sister (a nurse) to do that one for me. If she's unavailable at the time I need it (doing it exactly on time is VERY important as it must be done 36 hours prior to retrieval), then Mr. WB can do it. We start Lupron injections on Tuesday. I can't believe we are really getting this cycle started...hard to believe that our greatest wish could become a reality in just about a month! I am hoping that everything continues to go smoothly & my body responds well to the meds. As always, thanks so much for the all the T&P (sorry I always end like this ;o), but I really do want to express my gratitude to everyone thinking of us)! (Photo Credit for above photo).