March 4, 2010

And we're off... AKA... Um, when did it turn March?

I've been waiting almost 3 months to start IVF #2. March used to be SO far away. And now? Now I didn't even realize March 5th was here.

It hit me about 1 hour ago. Oh, I have to go to Dr. Z in the morning and then start injections tomorrow night.


I'm having a weirdly difficult time with this cycle. Not in emotionally preparing for it, but I think in my LACK of emotionally preparing for it. I'm not being negative, but I'm having a difficult time being really positive, also.

It's a weird feeling. I just kind of feel like, okay, let's get this done.

I remember WAY too clearly how I felt getting that IVF BFN, which (i'm sorry if this offends you in any way) is worse than any other BFN possible. And I'm so scared that I might ever feel that way again. One girl on a message board I frequent even said that an IVF BFN is worse than a m/c, (she had both). She said that at least with the miscarriage she got tons of support and love and with the BFN she got a lot of "well, you'll try again" or "better luck next time" and no one really understood how completely devastating it was.

I'm not saying that I agree with that statement... just that it's an interesting perspective. I don't know if I believe it - But i think pain is pain, it's all real, and it's not my place to judge it.

It's really a strange feeling that I have right now. Mr. DB really thinks that it is going to work, now that we know everything. My acupuncturist tells me I'm healthier than she's ever seen me. She thinks it's going to work I really HOPE it's going to work. But I'm scared to "think" either way.

Do you know what I mean?

Anyway - T-23 hours til vagcam.


Sooz said...

OMG! How exciting! I hope tomorrow's appt goes well. Good luck!

Worry Bud said...

GL DB! I know EXACTLY how you feel when you are caught in between trying to stay positive/optimistic that it will work & not wanting to be overly sure just in case. I just want to wish you all the best this cycle & send tons of prayers that it does bring you two your precious baby(ies).

Dandelion Bud said...

WB, I appreciate the support, but your first IVF worked. That's a good thing. But you'll never know EXACTLY how I feel because of it. Hope you're feeling well.


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