December 31, 2009

I'm alive I promise!

Okay I'm very sorry I have been missing. With the holidays and work its been busy here. Anyways for all my followers ::::crickets:::::: here's what is going on with my life!

First of all I am on my 2nd cycle of clomid. It seems last cycle was a bust but not really. I didn't spot which was amazing and really made me happy however there was no magical BFP at the end of the rainbow. There was yeah you know.

How's the clomid? Well it sucks, but I am very lucky!To be honest I don't have side effects like most have. I really don't have the mood swings or headaches but I do get some hot flashes at night. Nothing the AC can't fix. There was only one time this cycle when I was in a blah mood but I got over it pretty fast.

So here I am. I'm on CD 11 and my fertility monitor is telling me I am at high fertile days. I'm thinking its the clomid. I know most girls say clomid lowers their CM for some reason mine is higher (weird I know).

Monday is the big day when I visit the RE for the first time. I know its early in the game. I totally understand this. Its been 7 months however these 7 months every.single.month we have had perfect timing. There aren't any days where we didn't have sex when I ovulated. And I am sick and tired of spotting. I know the clomid fixed it but I would like to be monitored and my OB gave me a referral to his friend downstairs.

I'm nervous and excited. I'm nervous he is going to say, sorry this is wrong with you. At the same time I am excited. Maybe he will give me some progesterone and kick me out of his office =) The good thing we know is that Mr. OB has some awesome awesome counts. We are so fortunate. So it seems like we are just dealing with my issues.

I can't wait to give you guys an update on what the RE says. It will be a GREAT way to start off my 2010 year!

In other news, I have lost 7 lbs! Wooo hooo! I'm so excited. Who loses 2 lbs of weight on a 2 week cruise? WAVES!!! I do! I'm so ecstatic! Finally its coming off! I'm still working out like crazy and watching what I eat. I know if anything the RE will be happy I am doing this. And I'm happy I'm doing this!

Here's a toast to 2010! I'm really hoping this is the year Mr. OB and I can say we are knocked up to our friends and family!!

PS Christmas was wonderful! We hosted this year and Mr. OB got me 3 months of Personal Training sessions and some wonderful real black pearl earrings!

Ready for 2010

Still in the 2WW over here. This one feels like forever!! I'll keep everyone updated on that one when something happens.

I can't say enough how ready I am for 2010. I had some good times in 2009 but overall it wasn't my favorite year. I'm ready for a fresh start and I'm ready to accomplish a lot of things in this coming year. Never have I ever really paid attention to the thought that this is a New Year, for most years it was just another day, and the date changed when I looked at my cell phone. But this year feels different. After learning quite a few lessons a
nd being challenged in the past couple weeks because of the death of someone dear to my heart, I'm ready to move forward and prove to myself that I can accomplish the things I have my heart set out to do.

I really do hope that 2010 brings us the blessing of a little one, no matter how many people in our lives aren't "ready" for it themselves. My heart just aches to be a mommy and expe
rience all the ups and downs of the whole process. Because it is a process, and I know it comes with ups and downs and I want to be as prepared as I can.

I'm so thankful to have
Mr. Travel Bud who is the pillar in my life. He's my laughter every single day, my joy, my support and the one who challenges me the most because he sees my potential and knows that I can do so much more with my life. I really look forward to another year of marriage with my best friend and all that life has to offer us.

I'm thankful for all of those dear to my heart who encourage me daily, including internet strangers/friends who are a constant source of strength in my life.

Here's a toast to 2010. I hope that this year brings many blessings for all of you and those closest to your heart!
image source
Much love,

December 30, 2009

No News Isn't Necessarily Good News.

Not sure if it was noticed, but I haven't written in awhile. Mostly because no matter how hard I thought about what I could write that would be remotely interesting or positive, I couldn't come up with anything. I hate feeling like a Negative Nancy. Life isn't really all that bad, but honestly, I am at the point of being completely burnt out. I wish that I could just take a "time-out" from life, and come back to it once I have had some time to mentally decompress and collect myself.

Here's the latest:
1) DH is still unemployed. Though he has applied for over 160 positions in the last 4 months, he has not received an interview or an offer.
2) I still cannot find a job. I am employed, thank God, but I basically hate my job and am working for peanuts. I thought I had a lead, and then it fell through which was a bit discouraging, but honestly not all that surprising. It sounds terrible, but I have kind of come to expect disappointment.
3) The workouts are still going really well. I have had some severe achielles tendon pain in the past two days. I ran through it yesterday, but today I really needed a break, being that walking has become difficult. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
4) Based solely on the craptastic job circumstances, we are still TTA. And I am bitter about it.

I am usually a fairly positive person, but I will be completely honest and say that the job searching scenario for both DH and I has left me frustrated, bitter, irritable, and cynical. I have definite moments of positivity, but with regards to the job search, it's something I have to do, but it currently seems as about as exciting as gouging my own eyes out with a rusty spoon. I can think of about 10 million things that I would rather do, than continue on this job search that currently seems to be completely futile. I hope that next time I write, you will catch me in a better mood but today is one of those days where complaining and feeling sorry for myself seems to be more effective.

Thanks to those of you who have offered kind words and support over the past months. It really does mean a lot to me.

Good News & Unanswered Questions

Yesterday I had an ultrasound to see if they could determine the cause of my extremely long cycles. I'm currently at CD 84, 4 days past my last dose of Provera, with no sign of AF.

I was a little nervous, as I've never had an ultrasound before. The first part of the process was the transabdominal ultrasound. This one was no big deal, except for the 48 ounces of water I had to hold in for an hour before my appointment. Can we say uncomfortable?! I have a very small bladder and I did not enjoy this at all. The U/S tech was very kind and time efficient with this part so that I could empty my bladder for the second half of the exam.

Next she did the transvaginal ultrasound. Reading the description/seeing pictures of it was much worse than it sounds. See what I mean:


Basically they just take a look around internally. It was not at all painful or uncomfortable. All I cared about at that point was that I didn't have to pee anymore!

I had the U/S done at an outpatient center because it is much closer to work than my Ob/Gyn office. So I had to wait until today to call for the results. I was also still waiting on the bloodwork results from my last appointment on December 18th. Well, the nurse just called. Here is what she said:

Ultrasound:
  • Uterus- looks great
  • Ovaries- also great
  • No other issues spotted on U/S
Bloodwork:
  • Thyroid- normal range
  • Hormones- normal range
  • No other issues in b/w

So, this is great news! I really am relieved that there seem to be no issues at all with my body.

But, why have I not seen AF in 84 days? Is the Provera even going to work? Why am I not ovulating?

My doctor is out of the office until Tuesday, but the nurse said she will be calling me then, so I will have to ask her what she thinks. Best case scenario- AF shows, and my cycles become normal. Here's hoping!



December 29, 2009

Things I've learned while being KU - 2nd Tri Addition

Wow - as I come to the end of my 2nd trimester (I'm now 27 weeks baby!!!) I thought about what I've learned since the oh so early 1st tri...
  • When you really start to show - it's gets really difficult to get the last of the clothes out of the back of the dryer. Or the dishwasher...
  • Shopping for your unborn child is WAY more fun than shopping for yourself (and I LOVE to shop for myself!). Thankfully, kids clothes are way cheaper - too bad they grow out of them so fast!
  • I've officially lost track of my woo hah - I know it's general vicinity still but seeing it without a mirror (let alone doing any grooming down there) is out of the question. Oh, and unless you have really long arms - the reach to **ahem** wipe after using the restroom is slowly getting more difficult.
  • Feeling Baby GB tumble around in my belly feels a lot different than I ever could have imagined it would feel. Sometimes it's still just flutters and others its way more forceful thumps. It's a wonder that my insides aren't completely bruised from the somersaults Baby GB seems to be doing in there.
  • Bending down to shave my legs is almost impossible. I imagine I've got a good one or two more weeks left to have smooth legs.
  • Watching movies like Knocked Up just aren't as funny while you are, well, knocked up?! Especially when they throw in that surprise crowning shot out of no where?! CLOSE YOUR EYES!
  • Thankfully I'm fairly small still so complete strangers are just starting to notice and ask when I'm due in the last few weeks. No one has reached out and touched my belly (besides family and without asking first) but I've decided I might just have to throw some elbows if this starts happening.
  • And last but not least - at this point people really genuinely care about your well being. But that's only because you have a little baby in your belly. As soon as that little guy pops out I imagine all the attention is going to shift to him so I'm trying to get used to that idea now! :)

Beta In.... Unbelievably Wierd...C/P?

Dr. B just called me and my beta was a BFN .... What??? How could that be when I got a BFP on a digital just the day before the test? I believe I may have had a very very early chemical pregnancy? It's the only explanation I can think of...



Photography Credit



Dr. B thinks I possibly had a faulty digital? Beta came back negative and he said if I had a chemical the levels would NOT have dropped that fast from Sunday to Monday. He had me retake the digital today and it was a BFN. Lesson learned here: Wait for the beta! Our next move becasue I am not a spring chicken anymore... We are STRONGLY considering IVF with Dr. B.



Photography Credit


December 28, 2009

Intro-Sassy Bud

Hello, I am Sassy Bud. Mr. Sassy Bud and I have been married for 3 ½ years, and together for over 10 years. We are both in our late 20’s & work full-time. I’m in my second year of law school along with working as an auditor & staff accountant, so needless to say life can get very hectic around finals week.



Our TTC journey began in February of 2009. We had originally planned on my stopping BCP’s in October of 2009 so that we could time the baby’s arrival between tax season and football season- oh, how naive I was! Last January we decided that I would go off BCP’s in February since I had my annual appointment scheduled with my ob/gyn. I figured that would be the perfect time to have our pre-TTC discussion. My ob/gyn said I was healthy, gave me the basic TTC advice (PNV’s, and BD every other day around day 14 of your cycle) & well wishes and sent me on my way. As far as the timing issue- since I assumed I would be PG right away, of course- we decided that there is never an “ideal” time and even with the best planning, things can happen that are out of your control. So, we were going for it! I had visions of morning sickness and baby showers and how I would announce my pregnancy to all of our family and friends.




So here is a brief timeline of my journey so far:



· February-May: Regular 30ish day cycles. I wasn’t paying too close of attention, it was still early. I didn’t see any reason to be concerned, I know it can take time.


· June-August: I had one really short cycle (21 days or so) and then a few that were definitely longer, around 5-6 weeks each. This is when I really started doing more research. I needed to understand what was happening with my body. Fortunately, this is when I stumbled upon some online forums regarding charting. Surprisingly, I had never heard of it before.


· September: By this point, I’m in the middle of another weird cycle and I’m sick of wasting HPT’s and seeing BFN’s. It’s time to do something about this! I decided to start charting the next cycle.



I was content to wait until my February 2010 appointment before I started to be concerned, I can be patient. Patience is definitely one of my better qualities. I was not concerned- until I started charting. At first, it was so exciting to see my temperature in the morning. I was using OPK’s to backup my temperature observations. I tried charting my CM also, but it was basically non-existent. So, I faithfully put in my temperature each morning, and waited for FF to give me the great news- that I ovulated! My first crosshairs were so exciting. And then they were gone. Another week went by, another set of CH’s had come and gone. Eventually I realized my body wasn’t “normal.” This was not as easy as it seemed for everyone else that I know that got PG right off BCP or on “accident.”



Fast forward to now, December 2009. We are closing in on the magical one year mark of TTC before they decide that you may have other issues or need some help with the baby-making process. As of today, I am on CD 80-something. I just finished a 10 day Rx for Provera, although judging by my temps, I’m not so sure it is working the way it should. At the appointment to get the Provera, the doctor said she wanted me to get an ultrasound to see if we can pinpoint a specific problem. She also ordered bloodwork to check my hormone and thyroid levels, and I am still waiting for the results.



So that is where I am at today. I feel like I am further from having a baby than I was a year ago, but I am definitely more informed.



I hope to have some more information about what is going on after my ultrasound tomorrow.


~Sassy Bud

Already dreaming of next Christmas

It brings a huge smile to my face when I think that next Christmas we will have a 6 month old in the family. It only brings a little anxiety when I look at our already packed truck and try to picture how we are going to fit a car seat plus all the things that go with baby in it next year for the 3.5 hour drive to Wichita to see my family. I'm sure it will all work out some how.

Baby Hopeful Bud got quite a few presents this year. The best was from my mom. She cleaned and fixed one of my baby blankets and gave it to us. It will be a perfect one to lay Baby HB on the floor on. Santa brought Mr. Hopeful Bud a onesie that said "I'm kind of a big deal!" My uncle from NYC gave the baby a NY Yankees onesie, bootie and hat. If Baby HB is a girl, we will just have to replace the hat with a big bow. The LO also got a couple bibs, teething toys and an adorable snuggie.

As for how I am doing at 17 weeks, all I can say is great! I feel wonderful. I'm so excited to hear Baby HB's heart beat again this week (Wednesday). While the Bella Band is a life saver, I'm thinking it's getting almost time to go invest in some maternity jeans, because I'm starting to get a little uncomfortable.

Sorry, not more exciting things to update you on. I'll post about our appt. on Wednesday.

Take care and stay hopeful!

A Christmas Blessing

"For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him."
1 Samuel 1:27

Photography Credit


Yesterday was Mr. Blessed Bud's Birthday and at 15DPIUI, he kept harassing me about POAS, so I got a FRER (First Response Early Result Pregnancy Test) Saturday night. I took the FRER before church and when the results came up Mr. Blessed Bud and I couldn't have been more thankful.



My Beta is today at 11:30am, and I am praying that all is well. Any Thoughts & Prayers you guys could spare would be greatly appreciated. Because of our history Mr. Blessed Bud does NOT want to tell any family or friends until after the First Trimester God willing. This has turned out to be a very Blessed Christmas!


Until Next Time,

December 27, 2009

Today I did something I never thought I'd do again...

I called my pharmacy and re-filled my Rx for my old BCPs (AKA the "devil").

I don't know why, but that felt like a HUGE step for me. A few months ago, I declared that I would never take them again & now here I am, about to begin taking them to make a baby (or two)! Seems counter-productive right?!

I am pretty certain that I will be O'ing today or tomorrow. I have had 2 + OPKs today, lots of O pain & some EWCM. I actually hope I don't O until tomorrow b/c we BD'ed yesterday & I wanted to give Mr. WB's little swimmers time to recuperate before BD'ing again. I will know for sure by tomorrow's temp. The past few cycles I have been getting + OPKs the day before I O though, so hopefully it'll be like that this time as well. I know it's pretty crazy of me, but I just keep hoping & praying that we will just get our miracle BFP before we move on to IVF. I know that my RE said our chances are less than 5% of that happening, but that is not 0% right? Oh & 1 last note about this cycle - I decided NOT to do the Prometrium suppositories & just let this cycle finish up naturally. I figure if I'm meant to have a longer LP, then I will & if not, then on to IVF & hopefully our miracle & sticky BFP!!

So, I know a few posts ago I discussed our financing plan. We are still sticking with that, but my RE also offers Shared Risk IVF. Our RE was one of the first fertility centers to offer any program like this & I have done my research & they have one of the best Shared Risk programs available both in & outside of our state. Basically, you get up to 6 fresh IVF cycles & unlimited frozen embryo transfers (FETs) - however many it takes for the delivery of a live baby. So if you get pregnant on your first cycle, but miscarry - even a late loss, then you can go through the process again. If you do not deliver a live baby by the end of all of those fresh/frozen cycles, then you get 100% of your money back. You must be accepted into the program, but my RE says that he is 99% positive that I will be accepted into the program. The only thing I have to do is the mock embryo transfer & if all goes well then we will be in! I am very optimistic that there will be no issues for us getting in to the program based on my health & absence of any female fertility issues. I know you are all wondering what the cost of something like this is - well, at my fertility center, for IVF w/ ICSI it's $22K. It sounds like a lot, but it is just a little bit more than 2 IVF cycles. If we get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby(ies) on the first try, then that is awesome...we won't feel like we lost out on the additional money because we will have our darling little baby(ies) in our arms. Doing it this way will give us financial peace of mind as we go through the process of IVF, which will certainly relieve some of the stress that some other IVF'ers feel. I feel so blessed that we go to an RE that even has option like this available & am confident that we will have a LO of our own one day soon! Please continue to send all the prayers & wishes that all goes well our way...they mean more to me than you will ever know. :o)

A new ride!

So, one of the things that Mr. Snow Bud and I wanted to accomplish before TTC again was to have two cars. We sold his motorcycle a few weeks ago, and we were going to wait until we had put more money into savings to buy a second car. That was until we only had one mode of transportation. Yikes!! For anyone out there who shares a car with their significant other, I commend you. We just couldn't do it. So, Mr. Snow Bud and I hit the car lots last week. We test drove tons of cars it seemed. Since we already have an SUV, we wanted just a 4 door car. We drove Mazda's, Toyota's, Honda's, Volkswagen's, oy. Mr. Snow Bud hated the Mazda 6, I loved it. Mr. Snow Bud loved the Honda Accord, I hated it.

So, when we both climbed into a brand spankin new Honda Civic Hybrid, we both fell in love.

2007 Honda Civic Hybrid Pictures, Images and Photos

It was between that, and a VW Passat. Volkswagen would not come down at all on a price for their Passat (they had it marked $2500 more than it was worth!), so we went for the Hybrid. I think we ended up with a pretty good deal. We bought it for about $1000 below invoice, as it was their last 2009 Civic on the lot and they wanted to get rid of it below the New Year.

Anyway, so that was our Merry Christmas present. Also, one step closer to TTC. The only bummer is that we took our spring Alaska trip savings to use as a down payment for the car, so we ended up canceling our trip home for now. At least the airlines were kind enough to give us all our miles back without any sort of fee. Sometimes being responsible is hard :] BUT, we love our new car and it's 45+ miles per gallon!!

Until next time,

10 weeks & 6 days and post #400!

When I went to start writing today I noticed it said our little blog already had 399 post, so this is #400! Woot.

I hope that those of you that celebrate Christmas had a good one! Mr. LB and I spent it at home together. I made yummy dinners the 24th & 25th. At midnight we opened our gifts. I got a new Coach purse, beautiful necklace and charm from Blue Nile, earrings, and a leopard snuggie :)
My aunt bought LO 3 PJ's, a bib, a bathrobe, little duckie socks and little hat and that little duck you put in the bathwater to check temperature. I got all teary eyed when I opened them all and then promptly put them all n a box and put them away.

Tomorrow will make 11 weeks ::sigh:: and in 3 days we have our NT Scan/Sequential Screening. I really can't shake the concerned feeling. Not so much because of the results because surprisingly those I'm not worried about but just finding out that our LO is doing well. I'll be in another office, with doctors I've never met before.
I think that for the mother's own sanity u/s should be performed every week in the first trimester. Jus' sayin'.

The appointment is at 11:15am. After the appointment Mr. LB and I have plans to go have a nice lunch since Wednesdays are his new day-off.

I've been feeling okay. This last week headaches have been the new thing. I get them the moment I wake up in the morning and then they linger all day. The nausea is becoming much more infrequent. I'm still tired all the time and get cranky when I'm out of the house for too long, but at least I can stay awake during the day. Mind you all these things subsiding worry me too and it actually makes me feel worse to write it all out. I'm really looking forward to hopefully finding out that everything is okay on Wednesday and finally feeling excited about all of this.

I hope to bring back good news and finally stop whining about being worried. I promise I will try to be more fun!

December 26, 2009

Christmas

Little Daisy Bud ended up getting sick, so most of our Christmas plans had to be canceled. I was disappointed to not get to spend the evening with my family. But it was really nice to spend the day with just the three of us, especially since there will be four of us next Christmas. So instead of the holiday meal we would have had at my Aunt and Uncle's house, we made some homemade chicken noodle soup and snuggled up and watched movies. It was a good reminder for me to take a step back from all the stresses of life and just enjoy my family.

December 24, 2009

We will be doing our 1st IVF cycle in early 2010!

This will be quick b/c I'm running late for a Christmas Eve cocktail party!

If you have been following my story from the beginning, then you know that I have stated before that I will NEVER ever take hormonal BCP again...in fact, I called it the devil, lol. But, OMG...I am about to get back on them. Only for 21 days for the start of my first IVF cycle. I can hardly believe that we are actually going to do this, but we are committed to doing what it takes to have a LO of our own. As soon as AF starts, I call my nurse & she will give me directions from there about the BCPs, help me get my meds ordered, and schedule me for injection training & my mock embryo transfer. If all goes well, we could find out that we are expecting a precious baby (or two!) by our first anniversary in March. Please send any spare prayers you have our way. Lord please let this work.

I will go into more detail later, but wanted to provide a quick update. I wish you all a very very Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays & many blessings to you & your family.

HSG.. Check!


Let me start off by saying I was scared to death this was going to hurt!! I have had my hemorrhoids removed and whoever has been through that knows that
anesthesia needle is nothing to play with and I kept thinking it was going to be the same pain. A lot of the girls on a local board told me their experience and it kind of relived me.

Everything went super smooth and it did not hurt one bit, except a little cramping once the dye started to fill up my cervix. The doctor was AMAZING as he told me everything he was doing step by step and what he thought as each section filled up with dye. There were two tv panels on the side that I was able to see my cervix and ovaries fill up with the dye.

I do think that it helped that I took 800mg of Motrin (ibuprofen) 2 hours before and continued to take them for 2 days.

They gave me a picture to bring home to show Mr. Bud and he was so amazed.

Next step is progesterone blood work on Monday and my LAST test on Thursday. Keep you updated!!

Have a Merry Christmas!!

The Talk

It's snowing outside! And that's quite a feat, as I live in the Lone Star State!

This White Christmas miracle has put me in a very positive and hopeful mood as I reflect on the changes in my life since we decided to start TTC. This is quite a change from the last few days, as I've been moody and negative. I'm sure Mr. Nerdy Bud is very happy right now!

I know there's no physical difference, but I feel different. Sometimes, I feel like I'm walking around with a sign on my forehead that says, "Active baby-maker." I know it's all in my head, and that nothing has happened yet. But I can't help but get my hopes up. And I'm so scared that it's going to do me in.

Earlier this week, I went to visit my mom, who lives about an hour from my house. We see each other often, and I couldn't wait to tell her about my news. You know, that we were trying. I'm still up in the air as to whether that was a good idea.

Not that she wouldn't be supportive, but that she'd be overbearing. Upon telling her that Mr. Nerdy Bud and I were trying she squealed in glee and proceeded to quiz me about how often we do it. Shudder. That is not something I want to talk to my mom about.

Another problem: My mom knows me all too well. I can't fool her. She immediately sensed that I was stressed about this whole process. I have such a hard time with things I can't control. And this is *majorly* out of my hands. She told me I need to relax and have fun with this -- easy for her to say -- and that my stress could cause my body to have a negative reaction and make it harder to conceive. She's no doctor, but I value her wisdom.

So that's where I'm at: trying not to freak out and stay a little less stressed. Enjoying the cold weather and the snow and hoping that this time next year, we'll have a little one to share the season with.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and that more miracles are forthcoming!

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Bad Blogger= Me

Life has been rather crazy lately. My work shifts were moved from their regular 5:30am start time to a 4:30 start time because of the store opening earlier for holiday hours. Messing with a pregnant woman's sleep does not lead to good things. On my days off, I still wake up at 3:30am, which is starting to drive me crazy!
As far as pregnancy news, there's not a whole lot to share. I'll have to take a belly shot soon because there is no denying I'm pregnant now. This baby refuses to hide. :) My secret fear is that there is more than one in there. And not that it would really be a bad thing. It would just make life a little more challenging.
I still feel
nauseous most afternoons and evenings, but I haven't thrown up at all. Probably my worst complaint is that I have food aversions to pretty much everything. Hopefully this will lessen as I get farther along.
I have my next doctors appointment Dec 30
th. I am so anxious to hear the baby's heart beat. Once I hear that I'll be able to relax a little bit.

December 22, 2009

Quick appointment update

I had my baseline sono today at my RE's office and all is normal and as expected. She did say that I had a small cyst on my right overy but that it was collapsing and would go away with my period. My doctor decided to cut my dose of femara in half, thinking that my dosage may be affecting my lining in a negative way. Other than that, all is the same. 2.5 mg of femara on days 3-7, four vivelle dot (estrogen) patches on days 10-15, midcycle sono to check follicles and lining on January 2nd, then ovidrel to induce ovulation and endometrin (progesterone suppositories) four days past trigger. I am hoping and praying and crossing everything I have that 2010 brings us our Baby Chef Bud.

A 2WW for Christmas

I have one day and one and a half hours of work left before I'm released for Christmas Vacation. So little of me wants to work right now that it's probably illegal. I just have no motivation to do any of my work. All I can think about is what I'm looking forward to eating for Christmas, wondering what I might get for Christmas from my parents (who always go above and beyond for no particular reason) and thinking about the idea of being pregnant.

Working for a baby supply company doesn't reduce my baby fever at all. Most people I know are deceived that if I'm around baby stuff and babies all day long (because working moms can bring their babies to work with them) that it is going to suppress that feeling of wanting to be a mom. What a joke! It's like telling someone who loves Oreos to stand in front of a freakin conveyor belt of Oreos and not touch one. What a tease!!!

To be completely honest, not many people know that we are TTC because frankly they would throw a fit. This is why I feel it's important for a short while for Mr. Travel Bud and I to keep our anonymous status in order to protect ourselves from outlashes. For serious. I did decide though that I needed to share my thoughts and feelings with people somehow since my mother looks like she's going to faint if I mention the idea of her being a grandma in her early 40s and any of my friends think I'm too young or wasting my life by wanting to have children so early. It's difficult to feel alone and not have any support, besides Mr. Travel Bud. I know that someday when I tell my mom I'm pregnant she'll eventually be happy, but I think she has irrational fears of me being just like her throughout my adult life. My mother had me when she was around 20 years old and she begged me to wait to get married until I graduated college, that didn't happen, and then she begged me to wait until I was about 27 or 28 to start having kids, and that probably won't happen. I think she just wants me to have a more easy and fulfilling life, which I appreciate her concern, but it's heartbreaking to know that if I had to tell my mom about being KU she'd have an adverse reaction initially. I want that moment to be a happy moment, not something I'm afraid of doing. This is why TTC for us is so hush hush. There's no need to give my mother any indication that we're TTC because there's no need to give her a premature heart attack.

My best friend is getting married soon and the last thing on her mind is having kids. She actually loathes the idea of having a baby someday, so talking to her is not the way to look for understanding or support. Plus, she'd probably have a little bit of an issue with me being 7 months pregnant at her wedding. Yikes. Most of my friends are not at the age where they're thinking about kids so it's hard to have people around as support. Most of my friends that are moms are a good 5-10 years older than I am. For me, I know I'm young, but if the doctor recommends that I try earlier on, I'm doing that to avoid as much heartbreak as possible with the looming thought of IF issues. With endometriosis running in my family there's no need for me to be naiive and put it off, when I could be proactive now and do everything I can to conceive in the easiest manner possible. If it comes down to it in the future, of course I'd go to any length to have a baby, but if I can avoid the heartache by taking preventative or proactive measures now, I will.

As for now in this cycle, I'm in the 2WW and should be able to test around the 3rd or 4th of January. I'm not feeling very hopeful this cycle as much BDing didn't go down between Mr. Travel Bud and I due to sickness a few nights, and an argument another night. It'd be nice to have that NY BFP, but I think I'm out this cycle. Until then, I'm just ready to enjoy Christmas with my family and friends.

Until next time,
Travel Bud

There's no place like home....


...at least that's what I hope my embies are thinking right now.


The Dandelion Embryos

We transferred 3 embryos. one 6 cell grade 3, one 6 cell grade 4 and one 5 cell grade 4 (they use a 1-5 grading system). The RE said no one gets a 1 and grades 1-3 all have the same implantation rate.

I'm thrilled that we had embryos to transfer at all, after everything we went through this cycle. Yeah, i wish they were slightly better quality, but the RE still thinks we have a good chance.

So, nothing to freeze, but three embies back where they belong and hopefully snuggling in for the next 9 months.

Now we wait.

December 21, 2009

Nerdy Bud, the Complete Newbie

Hi, my name is Nerdy Bud and I’m, well, I’m a nerd. I’m the newbie over here at Bloomin’ Babies, in more ways than one. Let me explain:


This is my first cycle TTC. Yes, I’m brand new. I’ve ordered TCOYF but it hasn’t come in yet (that pesky holiday shipping schedule, you know). I haven’t even started charting. (I know I need to!) All we’ve started is the fun part…you know… the fun part… :)


Let me tell you a little about myself and how we got to this point...


I met my wonderful husband, Mr. Nerdy Bud, almost three years ago. He was still in college (he’s older than me, but just took longer to graduate!) and I was working for the local newspaper. Our first date was to the movies. Do you know what that nerd took me to see? 300. Yes, the campy graphic novel-inspired movie about half-naked Spartan men. Talk about romantic. :)


Since then, I’ve seen about a million campy, nerdy movies. But I still love my nerd! I even play along with his nerdy tendencies at times:



This is us, Mr. and Mrs. Nerdy Bud. Yes, we’re wearing Transformers masks.


We’ve been married for just under a year. We had no plans to start TTC right away and decided it would be best to settle in for a bit and get our heads on straight.


But, the baby bug bit me earlier this summer. Both of my siblings have young children (my niece, River, is one and my nephew, Hyrum, was born in September) and I want our children to grow up with their cousins.





This is River, my niece. Don’t you want one of those? I do!


Plus, we’re at that age where everyone we know is starting to get married and have babies. I wanted to be that couple, too!


Mr. Nerdy Bud was very reluctant to start TTC. Sometimes, he’s like a big kid and he told me once that it was hard to see himself responsible for another human being. But, after talking it through (and a little persuading on my part…) he agreed to start trying.


So, here we are! I’m trying my best not to scare him with all of the talk of fertility and ovulating and just have fun with it. I know that’s what he needs.


But what do I need? I need to be able to talk to other girls about my fears, my worries and what’s going on with my body. That’s where you come in. I’m going to need advice, support and sometimes, a shoulder to cry on. I’ll be here for you, too.


So thanks for listening to my story. I’m so excited to begin this journey and I can’t wait to see where we end up!

Travel Bud Intro

Hello blogging world, I’m Travel Bud. I’m in my early 20’s and Mr. Travel Bud and I were married in May of 2008. We always planned on having kids someday but TTC was to wait until after we accomplished some other things in life. We had plans for me to finish college (still in the plans) and then travel overseas to teach English (still in the plans) before we had children. Life was getting really rough on me and I was tired of my routine I had so I quit my job at a restaurant and got a new job that’s full time so that I could have more steady hours and steady pay and see Mr. Travel Bud a little more frequently. I mean we did get married so we could be with each other more and it seemed like since we were married we saw each other less, that wasn’t okay with me. I also enrolled for classes online in order to continue my education but still be able to work full time. The plan was to work at the full time job for the last year I needed to finish up school and then do our overseas thing and then come home and have children. I felt like I had it all going for me and things were finally going in the right direction.

Oh how life likes to slap you in the face sometimes! The online school I enrolled in was a bust. If I had continued on I would have wasted my time and my money and my degree wouldn’t have taken me very far in life. So, Mr. Travel Bud and I came to a crossroads. We realized that as much as you plan out life, sometimes life just takes its own course. We decided to keep these goals in mind but if life took another route we would be okay with it. Even the idea of taking our child overseas doesn’t scare us simply because we’ve always had a heart for traveling and going wherever God decided to have us go. So now, we’re at a point where we’re not actively trying like checking every single sign to see if I’m ovulating, but we are just having a good time together and enjoying life together until God chooses the right time to bless us with kids.

I must say I’m quite relieved that we decided to just go for it now and not wait because my family has a history of Endometriosis and PCOS which has caused some serious heartbreak for my mother and my aunt and I just want to avoid that as much as possible and my doctor said that the earlier we try to have children the more successful we may be. I’ve always had very painful periods, cramps that are debilitating and have even put me in the hospital before. Going through those experiences each month have really created a concern that Mr. Travel Bud never fully understood. When my Mom was recently diagnosed with Endometriosis is when he finally started to realize that this could be a serious issue so he went to the doctor with me so we could get some questions answered. The doctor said I have early stages of endo and low progesterone so it’s good that we caught it now so we can do everything we can to have kids before it would get too serious. I told him how there’s this balancing crème that helps balance out your estrogen and progesterone levels that I’m thinking about taking to see if that has any positive effect on my situation and he said it would be worth the try. So that’s where I’m at right now in this whole stage. I only charted one month, but took a break because of the chaos of the holidays, I’ll probably start back up again next cycle but until then I’m taking that balancing crème and just having fun BDing with Mr. Travel Bud as much as possible. I’m excited to share our journey in TTC and all of the other surprises and turns that our life might take until then.

Until next time,
Travel Bud

The whole "be positive" thing is really hard

AF arrived yesterday. While I was expecting it since I had tested and gotten a BFN, it still really stinks to have officially moved on to cycle 11. If I would have gotten pregnant in one of our first couple of cycles I would be due in the next few weeks. That is crazy to think about. I had a major meltdown last night when Mr. CB and I got in to bed, and he was so comforting and understanding. I am trying to be positive but it is so difficult when you are starting over again with a new cycle.
Mr. Chef Bud and I had a long talk the other day about our next steps. I was leaning towards moving to IUI this next cycle, but instead we've decided to do one more cycle like we've been doing. He thinks that since my lining improved last month that we should see if one more month will make it even thicker. I also spent a small fortune on POM juice, which is supposed to help thicken the lining (ok, it was only $20, but that's a lot for 12 cups of juice!).

Photo Credit



My baseline sono is tomorrow and I'll confirm with my nurse what our plan will be for this cycle. Then Wednesday our holiday travels begin! We're starting with Christmas Eve dinner with Mr. CB's family in Palm Coast, FL then we're driving to Charlotte to spend Christmas with my entire family (23 aunts, uncles, cousins, granddad, brother and parents!). Then we're spending New Year's in Orlando with my closest girlfriends and their husbands, and throwing a NYE bash. My silver lining this month...I will be able to enjoy wine with my family at Christmas, and cocktails at our New Year's Eve party. Also, my mid-cycle check will be around January 4, and since I'll be traveling for the next week and a half the time should fly by and before I know it I'll be back in the 2WW!

I won't be back in town until 2010, so I hope all the Bloomin' Babies readers have a wonderful holiday!

December 20, 2009

Capable

Life has been so chaotic as of late. DH was laid off, I have been trying to get ready for the holidays, trying to pick up extra hours at work, job-searching, the list goes on. At the same time I feel basically invisible. I haven't been present on my online forums except in lurking spirit, and just long enough to catch up on news. I haven't spent time with friends. I haven't cleaned my house. I have basically felt like I am rushing through life in shadow-form.....going through the motions, but completely unnoticed.

I've been going through some major self-reflection. Looking at my life, my goals, my values. Trying to find daily inspiration. Thinking not of what I am supposed to do, but what makes me fulfilled. So I apologize in advance that this post is a little deep, bear with me.

There is a book that I just bought called "ONE". You can pick it up at any Starbucks. It is absolutely fricking fantastic. Light, inspirational reading. Cheap. Worth every penny. As a person who is going through a time of "Who am I, and what is my life?", this book has been instrumental in helping me to look more deeply at myself. In addition, I have been totally girl-crushing on Ingrid Michaelson who has some of the most amazing music out there. On that note.......

I have also been hitting the gym like a maniac. For the first time in my life I can actually understand what a "runner's high" is......and I NEVER thought I would say that. I signed up for a 5K. I actually RAN a 5k today at the gym. And then I did 10 miles on the bike and lifted. And why does this matter at all?? Because I NEVER thought I was capable of this. As I was stretching after my run, I realized that if I am capable of this one small thing that I was sure I could never do, what else am I capable of?? How have I been limiting myself.....not allowing myself to reach my full potential??

And what in God's green earth does this have to do with Ingrid Michaelson?? Well.......in addition to every other amazing song that she has written, there is one called "Turn to Stone" that I am totally loving. It says, "Let's go to sleep with clearer heads and hearts to big to fit our beds, and maybe we won't feel so alone..." So I will keep thinking about how to be a better person. How to reach my potential. And how to live more fully and love more deeply. And maybe in the process I will discover what I am truly capable of.

http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/turn-to-stone/id315034498?i=315035185

Fert Report In


I'm a bad blogger for not reporting about my egg retrieval yesterday. If you're interested in the whole kit-n-kaboodle, you can read about it here on The Nest.

The important news is, Dr Z was able to retrieve 6 eggs. 5 of which fertilized normally, and 3 of which are still dividing and looking healthy today!!

This is what our embryos should look like today:


We have 3 rockstar embryos!

Embryo Transfer will be tuesday. Dr Z may advise us to transfer all 3. He'll talk to us more about it tomorrow. I think he'll say that if the 3rd doesn't look like it will survive freezing and thawing, it might give us a better chance to put all three back in.

Shockingly, DH is on board with that... i guess we'll see what Dr Z has to say tomorrow.

3 embryos. I hope one of them is our baby. This is the closest we've ever been.

Please keep us in your T&P!

When enough is enough...

So it's official - I can no longer eat a full meal. This is something I didn't expect to happen. But there seems to be a trend beginning in the GB Household.

I know they say that eating 6 small meals a day is good for you (pregnant or not) but I'm a three meals a day kind of gal. Mr. GB likes to cook... a lot... and he's really good at it! So all our meals seem to be supersized! Usually, there's some sort of meat... some sort of potatoes, garlic bread or toast, and then a salad or other veggie side. Normally I keep my portions to a normal size and try not to eat TOO much but lately it seems like I've been gobbling up an entire plate without even blinking an eye.

Well it hit me the other night... the feeling of being overly stuffed that is. After eating my third or fourth dinner that week this way I came to the realization that there is no longer enough room in my belly for this kind of eating.

We were sitting on the couch watching a movie after dinner when I realized that I was REALLY uncomfortable - I could barely get a full deep breath without feeling like my belly was going to pop open. I had ate WAY too much! I got up and walked around a little bit - I drank a glass of water - tried going to the bathroom - the thought of making myself throw up even crossed my mind (more than once). To no avail, I decided to just go to bed... and vowed never to eat that much again.

The last few days I've been doing really good to not feel like that again. I can only imagine that its not going to get much better as I'm only going to have less and less room in there. I've been trying to do the six small meals a day thing - it still doesn't work great but I found if I just eat less for breakfast, lunch and dinner I usually need at least one snack so it's working out better. I just have to really watch it!

With all these holiday goodies lurking the next few weeks won't be easy - wish me luck!!!

December 19, 2009

The 2WW with AVATAR...

So our first IUI was last Saturday and we are currently in the 2WW. I have gotten through the first half of this wait with no problem at all. On Wednesday I discussed my RPL results with my RE Dr. B and in addition to the small amount of Annexin V antibodies I have, I also have one copy (Heterozygous) of MTHFR C677T (Women with this gene mutation have difficulty absorbing folic acid). Dr. B informed me that I have the less serious gene mutation of MTHFR because I only have one copy as opposed to 2, and he currently has me on metformin, baby aspirin and predisone. Nevertheless I met with Dr. W, a Perinatologist this past Thursday to discuss Dr. B's RPL findings and he agreed to see me once I get a BFP because of my PCOS, Heterozygous MTHFR and Annexin V antibodies. So while PG I would see Dr. W and my OB/GYN Dr. R. I am going to ask Dr. W and/or Dr. R to put me on Neevo, a pre-natal vitamin for women with MTHFR, older OB patients and women with high risk pregnancies.



Last night Mr. Blessed Bud and I had a great time! We went to see James Cameron's AVATAR in 3-D and it was truly amazing. I loved the story and the special effects/digital animation were insane! Mr. Blessed Bud and I were still talking about the film this morning and hoping James Cameron will make a sequel.

Photography Credit

Our beta is December 28 so God willing we will have a happy belated Christmas gift...




What a week

So lets just say this week (plus a couple of days)has had some serious ups and downs.

It all started last Thursday night when I went over to my moms and we started our yearly marathon baking session. we had 22 different things on our list to make and we were giving ourselves 3 1/2 days to make it and get the cookies separated and packaged up for delivery to friends, family and coworkers. Well Thursday night we started by mixing up the 6 recipes that had to chill and chopping dried fruits and nuts for some of the other recipes, fairly easy and relaxing.


Friday morning we got up and started baking our little hearts out. About 1 pm we discovered that one of moms pairs of oven mitts had a hole in the thumb, this led to a huge blister that covers about a 1/3rd of the side of my thumb. I however did not drop the pan of cookies or cry (yay me), but if little Daffodil Bud could hear the words coming out of Mommy's mouth then she heard somethings she probably shouldn't have.


Saturday and Sunday went pretty much the same way lots of work but we got all of our baking done, mom and I are both sore and tired but we accomplished a lot and even made baklava for the 1st time.














And while I am at my moms busy baking our new operating system for our computer came in and Mr. Daffodil Bud got us all fixed up!






So then Monday starts off, pretty good day in all actuality, I changed my hours at work to do a 3pm-11pm shift for the day instead of my 11am-7pm so I could do laundry and get some extra rest before work. I get to work and have to go to the bathroom so I set my stuff down at my desk and go toward the bathroom. I got to an intersection in one of the hallways and just have to hug the corner as I got really really dizzy. 2 of the CSR's see this and drag me to an office and make me sit down, the one even went to get me water. My face was all warm and very red. Finally after 10 minutes or so I feel like I can at least make it to the bathroom and then back to my desk, one of the CSR's escorted me back and then told my co-workers to keep an eye on me. I felt warm and my face was red for about 2 hours after all of this but I stayed in my chair until I had to go to the bathroom again.



Well about 9pm my face starts to feel all warm again, no dizziness but just that warm flushed face again. So I decided to go and take my blood pressure with the portable monitor we have at work, 141/80 not terrible but a bit on the high side for me. I post to one of my favorite message boards about being a bit worried, one of the girls, a nurse talks some sense into me about at least calling my doctors after hours number to see what they say and at 11pm I am off to the hospital. My BP when we get there is 151/70. They take me up to L&D and I have to pee in a cup and get hooked up to a monitor. Baby is fine my BP goes down to a better place 135/65 , nothing showing any reason for it to be elevated at all. I think I just way overdid it on those cookies and baby and my body said hey there lady hold up a sec and rest.



Tuesday after I got my car picked up from work and went home I just took it easy and relaxed.

Wednesday morning my fingers and ankles were a bit swollen so I called the doctors office about being concerned and was there anything they wanted me to do before my appointment on Thursday. Well apparently the message system was broken or at least that is what they told me Thursday morning when I went in and I got a call about 6 hours after my appointment on Thursday.



At my appointment my urine was +1 for protein, my favorite(at the doctors office Gen) nurse told me they start testing for pre-e at a +3. My Bp was great 120/64, I have only gained 3lbs so far and was told I need to start gaining a lb a week and little Daffodil Bud's heartbeat was 142 and I am measuring right where I should be for 21 1/2 weeks. So I am fine, baby is fine and all is well. Lets hope and pray it stays that way!



Well Ladies (and any gentlemen that may read) this was a long long post. If you have made it this far thanks for reading. Here is this weeks bump picture at 21 weeks 1 day.




December 18, 2009

We have a plan!

Well, I am back from the follow up RE consult. Dr. G sat us down & spoke with us a little about our options. First things first, Mr. Worry Bud's repeat S/A came back with similar, but a little better results - both his count & motility are still low. Dr. G basically said that the only truly viable option for us to conceive is IVF with ICSI. I pretty much figured, but today we got that confirmed. I am okay - I am happy that the count & motility went up even a little....some is better than none right? I had pretty much prepared myself for our official diagnosis of MFI & for the fact that Dr. G. would suggest IVF with ICSI.

The good news is that due to my age & the absence of any female fertility issues, Dr. G has given us a 65% of conceiving with IVF/ICSI!!

I asked about having Mr. WB see a urologist & Dr. G gave us a recommendation for one that specializes in IF, but said that he would be comfortable starting IVF w/o even going thru a urologist 1st. His reasoning was that the surgery that 'effed up Mr. WB's count/motility happened over 10 years ago & most likely the damage is done, which Mr. WB tends to agree with. Also Mr. WB DOES NOT want to have surgery down there again, especially if it may not do anything to help. But, he is going to see a urologist regardless just b/c it's good for his health overall.

I also asked about my short LP & trying in the mean time, so he gave me a Rx for prometrium (progesterone) that I will try out this cycle, but I am not getting my hopes up that it'll work. If it does - that would be an
amazing miracle from God, but if not I will take it as a sign that we need to move on to IVF.

After Christmas I am going to call to schedule my mock embryo transfer & then get started on our first IVF cycle sometime in Jan/Feb & we are praying to have a lil' WB (or 2) in the oven by our first anniversary in March?! I will blog more later about how we are going to finance everything since we do not have insurance coverage. Please keep us in your prayers.

December 17, 2009

Not much to update

I did take my first belly pic this week, so that was fun to send out to friends who haven't seen me in a while. My mom, being the sentimental sap that she is, told me this morning that she goes to her email every morning to look at the picture. This morning she sent me an email that said "The world is beautiful with you and baby bump being in it. Love Mom" Yep, I teared up. I'm kind of fearful to go home for Christmas because I know she has already started spoiling her unborn first grandchild.


On Monday we hit the 15 week mark. I have never loved Mondays so much in my life. I get so excited to check my email on Monday morning because of all the email I get from baby sites telling me what my baby is doing at 15 weeks and how big he or she is. I especially love to see what fruit thebump.com compares Baby Hopeful Bud to each week. This week s/he is the size of a naval orange. I usually love oranges, but that is one fruit that hasn't agreed with me being pregnant.

Over the weekend, which was mine and Mr. Hopeful Bud's 1st anniversary, I got the terrible stomach flu. It was way worse the all of first trimester put together. Which really isn't saying much since I really had a very smooth first trimester, but nonetheless it was awful. Mr. HB was wonderful though and made me feel loved and cared for all weekend long.

That's about it, not much else to report. Just still waiting until our next appointment on December 30th.

Take care and remain hopeful!
Love,
Hopeful Bud
 

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